Episódios
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"Out of the two of them, who do you think is the good witch and the bad witch? I would say Cathy's the good witch, Abby is definitely the bad witch!" It's ironic on the eve of the release of the Wicked movie that we get an episode that heavily centers on wicked witches, though the biggest witch of the all according to our bitches here can't even see the writing on the wall!
The episode opens with Payton getting "cut" from the team (can you really be cut if you were never officially on the team?). After three weeks at the bottom of the Pyramid and last week's broken ankle debacle, tensions were running high between Abby and Leslie so Payton was ultimately asked to leave, for now at least. Refocusing on the team, Abby seems to not care too much that the group brought home. victory at the last competition and starts to work the girls against one another. Chloe and Kendall are each given a solo with the intent of settling who truly deserves to be Abby's number 2.
Cathy returns with an all boy's team to spice up the competition, which send Abby into an angry spiral. To push back against her nemesis Abby decides the group dance will be about witches, with Maddie portraying a "good witch" as a stand in for Abby. Meanwhile Christi and Jill prep their daughter's solos and the moms start to get a little heated with one another. Jill is convinced Christi is getting a leg up while Christi is upset that Abby won't finish the choreography or her daughter's big dance.
Quotes
“Hold on, let Kelly choke to death first. Our poor Kelly. She needs to get better so she can go back to being a bitch. Cause when you're sick I can't be mean to you." (1:55-2:05 | Christi)“I don't know. I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on a podcast." (10:50-10:53 | Christi)“I wonder what the card said? Sorry for being late? I don't know, please don't torture me on national television I beg of you?" (46:22-46:31 | Christi & Kelly)“I don't know is this news? I don't know. Doesn't feel newsworthy to me. This feels like the same old shit we listen to every week!" (53:32-53:40 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
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"Best mom hack you learned being on Dance Moms? How about: Don't try this at home!"
We're always getting requests to do more Q&A episodes, so here ya go! If you're part of our Patreon then you're already used to us answering your questions, but not everyone has hopped aboard with all of our little Bitchettes just yet! So we figured what better way to relax and wind down after a pretty contentious week than with a little Q&A session. Joining us to moderate and sort through your questions is Intern Matt! No he's not just someone we talk about, he's real!
Tune in to hear the answers to some of your most burning questions: What was the worst place to travel to for the show? What are Christi and Kelly's opinions on "gardening" with the good kush? What is their HBIC walk-out music (and do they know what that means?). And of course are they getting any closer to figuring out what pochina means?
Quotes
“We let Chloe name Clara, although Chloe kept campaigning for "Miley" because Hannah Montana was big at the time." (12:30-12:37 | Christi)“It's vagina adjacent, for sure." (21:45-21:47 | Christi)“We were like do you have any questions [about "the talk"]? Chloe had one question. I cannot say what word it was, but she said what does "The J word" mean!? It was because of a word that Paige taught her! Cause Brooke taught her!" (32:25-32:38 | Christi & Kelly)“who would die first fi you were in a horror movie? Oh the dumb bitch? Me. Oh no you'd be the killer. You'd be the one killing bitch! Oh, ok Jill would be the first to go." (38:30-38:42 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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Estão a faltar episódios?
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"My group should be 10 points above anyone else... Hold on, the group was 10 points above!" Perhaps it's just because things are about to get much worse but it's quite funny how in-stride our bitches handle some of Abby's most convoluted hoop jumps yet to make their children look bad on the second half of "Abby Strikes Back".
First to deal with Abby however is Jill, who along with Kendall is absent at the beginning of competition. This is all for show as everyone knew behind the scenes that Jill was long expected not to be immediately present and Kendall wasn't given a solo for that very reason. But Abby knows the audience isn't aware of that and uses' Jill's absence to threaten Kendall with being replaced.
As performances get underway Payton seemingly breaks her ankle and claims she's in an immense amount of pain. It's not clear at this point what the cause of her fall was, but Leslie worries this will put Payton first in line on the chopping block (since when is she on the team?). The group immediately begins to prep for the number without Payton, with Abby reminded them that they are all replaceable just in case they forgot.
During awards we discover that while the group performed well, they didn't live up to Abby's standards... except they did? In a very confusing twist of logic Abby aims to throw everyone under the bus other than Maddie and Mackenzie, despite every other dance technically performing better point-wise. Ya just can't win with Abby!
Quotes
“Nice of you to join us! Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy! It's me, I pulled the bitch card that week. It was like the old maid. Who gets it? Me." (13:36-13:47 | Christi)“Cause we were in Florida. When we did the stand-off or whatever. Oh that was in Florida to, why were we in Orlando so many times? Cause Abby has a house in Orlando. Right, ok." (17:17-17:25 | Christi & Kelly)“Payton is in a wheelchair, crying. Holly is comforting her and here come the paramedics. Oh I think he was cute. Like oh can he take us? Abby's like hubba hubba and I'm like my foot hurts to! Ouch!" (28:58-29:11 | Christi & Kelly)“We are literally counting down the hours. It is like you are on death row and you are heading towards the electric chair. Are you nervous? Are you nervous to watch THE episode? " (37:45-37:56 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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"I feel that every Dance Moms episode from this point forwards should just be called like Abby Hates Us or Abby Screws Us Over." says Christi as Abby begins to push her luck by asking the moms to start promoting online to find replacements FOR THEMSELVES on Season 4's "Abby Strikes Back".
The first open auditions for the ALDC are this week and Abby has not been making it easy for anyone, except for the Ziegler family of course as Abby states Maddy is the only child not up for replacement. Abby requests that the moms start promoting the auditions on twitter, which Holly calls out for being callous since who would want to help ensure their own demise? But even though only Holly said it out loud, it's clear to all the moms that things have gotten quite bad and are only getting worse. Jill consequently gets hung up on the previous week's competition order snafu, arguing Christi intentionally sabotaged the situation for her daughter's benefit. As we noted in the last episode this simply wasn't true and all it serves to do is pit the moms against one another instead of Abby.
The Orlando auditions get underway with the Zieglers attending to help scout talent, however no other family agreed to do this for the same reason they wouldn't promote it. But Abby begins antagonizing some of the moms who get snippy with her, going as far to start singling out their children for ridicule and blaming their parents. Amongst the crowd are many future ALDC members, but was it really the first time Abby was meeting these girls? Or was there some off-screen shenanigans informing who got a leg up? Tune-in to find out!
Quotes
“I cried every time we had to walk into Studio A. Like Nnnoooooo! Noooo! I don't like it. It's terrible Studio A is where dreams are crushed and souls are smooshed." (30:53-31:03 | Christi)“We're not tweeting to replace our own daughters are we? Cause that's a little awkward. I agree Holly and yes we are." (36:39-36:45 | Kelly)“I mean I get that you need to learn how to use a mic, but not during a bathing suit dance. " (40:49-40:55 | Kelly)“Fallon has this whole TikTok about how this was a set-up. Oh really!? Yes because she said that she met Abby when she was 8 which was like 3 years before. She was always doing Abby's mater classes in Orlando." (58:56-59:11 | Christi & Kelly)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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"I am not a Dance Moms fan. I hate watching it!" mourns Christi, as even when she does nothing at all production manages to spin a scenario to get her in trouble with Abby. As the second half of "Two Can Play This Game" gets underway there is some confusion about the line-up of solo performances at competition. Jill had been under the impression that Kendall would be performing last, but Kendall is actually first up. Christi is also concerned about Chloe's placement and what the cameras don't show is that production explicitly told the moms the wrong performance order. While Christi admits she would personally prefer Chloe to perform last, she takes issue with how the show frames the matter as it will be used against her in the near future.
But Abby personally is only concerned about showing up Cathy, so much so that when Leslie starts to argue in the audience Abby orders Leslie to shut up. Leslie cannot comprehend why Abby is treating her with disrespect, somehow not realizing this is what the rest of the moms always go through. While the ALDC performs well with the judges Abby keeps up the criticisms, because some things never change no matter how much you do what Abby wants!
Quotes
“That is the one benefit to having a C-section is I don't pee myself. I'm like an 18 year old down there. Oh gross!” (1:18-1:28 | Christ & Kelly)“They're chanting Cathy's name. Cause usually when we come out they'll be shouting Chloe or Maddie, but with Cathy you never know who she's bringing. So you can't really scream for the kids because she always has a different team." (15:20-15:35 | Kelly)“I think you just said something mean. Well I didn't say I wanted a kid to lose! Well you called them the B-Team so you basicaly said they suck and you're better than them. THEY ARE THE B-TEAM! The show is Dance Moms about the ALDC, [Cathy's team] is the the B-Team. Convince me otherwise Kelly!" (24:04-24:21 | Christi & Kelly)“I just want to point out that we can see that you have a coffee cup in the audience, just saying. Of course. Yours you always hid under the seat. I don't know if I hid it. If I had a coffee cup, you had a coffee cup! Yeah cause here is how it would go down: It would be lunch and Kelly would go I'm ready for wine how about you? And I'd be like yep and that was about it." (30:50-31:10 | Christi & Kelly)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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"Abby says to Chloe that she has the dancer's body. She has the look. Your technique shines through, you can nail it no matter what. listen to that positive shit! Hu huh. I'm willing to bet you Kelly that that's what she said to Maddie and they edited it so she says it to Chloe. She would never say that to Chloe," admits Christi reluctantly. Even when the show is seemingly throwing our beloved bitches a bone it's never that easy. Not helping the matter is Abby is using Chloe as a pawn in her little game on the Pyramid for "Two Can Play This Game".
Even though Kendall led the trio that took first in last week's competition, she is placed lower than Chloe on the Pyramid. The only reasoning seems to be that it'll make Jill upset with Christi and set-up a solo face off between Chloe and Kendall at this week's competition. But these mind games take second place to Abby's primary focus, the return of Cathy and her Candy Apples.
Cathy is determined to take back the limelight after loosing to Abby at nationals, but Cathy's team has had more time to prep since they don't have to film a TV show. So Abby dedicates extra days for the girls to learn the group dance, and threatens that if they can't beat Candy Apples then she might as well replaces the whole team!
Quotes
“You said you're going to be Miss Piggy [for Halloween], I'm being a dumpster fire. I think that's going to be the most appropriate thing I can be. You can be a dumpster picker like me!” (1:43-1:50 | Christ & Kelly)“It was really cute because the girl who was helping me, you could tell she knew who I was and she was kind of fan-girling. And I was like, 'Ok listen, I don't know how to check this,' and she was like, 'I know I listen to the podcast.'" (9:03-9:16 | Christi)“I just want to point out that this competition was like invented for Dance Moms, now it's freaking huge! Huge! Oh really? They have like 40 to 70 competitions per year or some crap. Oh my I didn't know that. Yeah, so I just want to say you're welcome." (12:14-12:31 | Christi & Kelly)“This is where [Abby] turned to production and screamed: This is stupid because Kendall has dark hair and should be Katy Perry and Chloe is blond and should be Lady Gaga. This is dumb, dumb, dumb! Whose stupid idea was this?!" (20:10-20:26 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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"There's nothing else happening during Pyramid so of course the kids are listening. I don't know, half the time I wasn't listening. I was just standing there pretending. I was thinking about rainbows and lollipops somewhere." As Kelly notes, there is very little you can do when Abby has already prepared to dampen the mood of your day, and on the second half of the Season 4 premiere Kelly has opted to turn on autopilot and wait out Abby's rage. But not everyone is so fortunate as the girls must still face the music at the end of the day.
Kendall is assigned to perform in a trio with Chloe and Paige, which Jill has mixed expectations for. On one hand it's an opportunity to stand out, which Jill believes is essential to getting Abby back on their good side and keeping Kendall on the team, but getting paired with the "troublemakers" also implies how little Abby thinks of her already. The joke is on Abby however as the Trio dance turns out to be one of the few bright spots in an otherwise lackluster showing by the ALDC at competition. Abby doesn't take this performance well, lecturing the girls once more about how they're all replaceable. She gets into a small fight with Leslie, whom finally pushes one too many buttons trying to get Payton on the team proper. Abby refers to Payton as a baby and when the girl ends up in tears Abby presses her on the matter and threatens that she needs to grow up or get lost.
Quotes
“The assistant in the room, like they were elbow deep in my [vagina], and she's like,' Oh my god I'm a big fan!' And I'm like OH MY GOD STOP! I'm like you're not a big fan. At least not at this moment.'” (14:01-14:17 | Christ & Kelly)“I just need everyone to know we were never comfy sitting up top. Not only were we emotionally drained but those stairs were not comfortable and that carpet was the cheapest carpet ever so it was itchy. So we didn't like it." (15:15-15:29 | Christi)“Holly's like Oh my god she clapped! And we're like,' Well, you know what? We all have ice skates cause hell just froze over." (21:44-21:51 | Christi & Kelly)“I'm like can we not use the word "groom" with children in any way shape or form? " (48:01-48:05 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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“I felt bad for Brooke, I felt bad for Chloe…I felt bad. I really did. You can just tell that it’s an ugly, ugly, ugly time,” laments Christi as the ALDC returns for another season of Dance Moms. While the girls visibly seem to be older, Abby is still the same old Abby. That’s maybe not quite true, she does seem quite a bit meaner!
Abby reveals that she’s holding open auditions this season and states that everyone is replaceable. Everyone except Maddie of course, which Abby makes explicitly clear. Though it's clear this was meant to tee up Kelly's eventual exit from the show, Abby isn't content to just stir up the usual drama with only Kelly and Christi. At Pyramid Kendall is placed second, only moments late does Abby reveal her ruse that Nia is actually second and scolds Kendall for missing Booty Camp for vacation. Jill doesn't take kindly to this but Holly starts to feel as though Jill is attacking Nia over the situation. Meanwhile Brooke is late for practice as she instead befriends country singer Jana Kramer, which Abby attempts to take credit for setting up.
Quotes
“Dance Moms starts to go down [in ratings] and I think it started to go down after you leave and it just gets dark. And then I think, and this is not me just me saying this because I’m trying to be important, but I think it starts to really go down after I leave. Because the whole dynamic changes after you and I are gone.” (16:22-16:39 | Christ)“Booty camp is mandatory and team members knew about six months ahead of time. Correction, that is not true. We knew there was a booty camp, w e did not have dates. " (31:04-31:12 | Christi & Kelly)“Leslie acts like we weren’t really friends. We were friends! I’ve been to her house. I used to go to her restaurant with her. Me and Abby went to her restaurant together! Like I was friends with Leslie. I don’t know what happened." (41:23-41:42 | Christi & Kelly)“Giana comes into Studio A with a cake that says “Congratulations Maddie - 2013 National Title Winner”. Did you notice at the bottom of the cake it says “And the rest of the ALDC”? Did it? I didn’t read it, it was in microscopic letters. It’s like Maddie!!!!….and the rest of you guys.”" (43:13-43:34 | Christi)Links
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Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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"The show is not getting any better for you and I at this point. The only thing that's going to get better is we're going to leave." says Christi, to which Kelly readily celebrates. But until that time comes our Bitches are still stuck in the middle of the "Hurricane Abby" reunion.
Abby storms out over her conversation with Kelly and the rest of the moms are brought in. Much is made about the pact the moms made to one another to not let their daughters perform for Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition and Melissa's breaking of said pact. Melissa claims she shouldn't have to be held to some agreement they made if it would provide better options for her kids. The only problem is no one forced her to agree to the pact at all and instead of simply making her intentions known she chose to lie instead. The discussion is not helped by Leslie and Kristie Ray who side with Melissa despite being out of the loop for the entire pact.
Jeff continues to jump around maddeningly from topic to topic. Kristie Ray and Jill fight? Sure! Holly vs Leslie on parenting? Why not! As a last ditch effort to liven the proceedings Jeff asks Kelly to leave so Abby will return to the stage. The kicker is that Kelly is being asked to leave just as Brooke is coming onstage to make her national singing debut. In fairness as long as Kelly doesn't have to share room space with Abby then a win is a win.
Quotes
“I can't stand when they always ask other moms to jump in because these other moms never know the whole "thing".” (22:18-22:23 | Christ)“We are so used. Yes we are the sex workers of the Dance Moms community." (32:48-32:56 | Christi & Kelly)“[Abby] said that for the last 25 out of 33 years she put her personal life on the back-burner and set her aspirations aside for the benifit of other people's children. That's her job! Everybody has to put stuff aside to do their job!" (42:58-43:11 | Christi & Kelly)“I felt like we had other [group dances] that were better. But honestly we did so many damn reunions, pre-reunions, post reunions that maybe we were running short on group dances that everyone was in." (48:54-49:05 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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"Lucky we're recapping a really shitty episode today!" You know it's a bad one when Christi can't even start the recap without mentioning how bad it's going to be. Are any of you bitchettes surprised, it is a reunion episode after all! By far "Hurricane Abby" has got to be one of the roughest reunions yet as both Christi and Kelly are singled out without much support to fall back on.
This episode marks Christi's return to the studio after her big fight with Leslie in New Orleans and Jeff isn't about to let her live it down. Despite Christi's sincere attempts at an apology by owning up to her mistakes, Leslie is unwilling to acknowledge her own part in the conflict and paints Christi as a troublemaker who is trying to avoid owning up for her faults despite literally having just done so. Abby takes Leslie's side and claims Christi has yet to apology to the rest of the ALDC and even her own daughter,. This is just completely false, but because Abby is "the star" she can set the narrative, leaving Christi little room to plead her case.
Up next is Kelly who gets an earful from Abby about blocking the seats at the last competition. Kelly finds it ironic that the rules Abby holds up to Christi aren't ones she'd follow herself and Abby refuses to take responsibility for the incident. The conversation shifts to the time Kelly "snuck back in" to the the ALDC without Kelly being allowed to acknowledge that she only returned because she was under contract. Consequently Kelly is forced to be the bad guy once more. Will these moms ever get a fair shake?
Quotes
“I knew I was going to be the first one on. Which you never wanted to be the first one on the scene. I was watching and I was thinking like what bullshit that you had to go out then I had to go out... then Melissa, Holly and Jill got to go out together. Like it's so much easier when you're in a group." (12:21-12:45 | Christi & Kelly)“Leslie says the other moms are afraid to stand up to me. Um, I don't know if that's true. I feel like everybody stands up to eevrybody pretty well” (30:09-30:16 | Christ)“Brooke is an incredible dancer. Yeah, you're ruining it by being such a bitch!" (37:38-37:43 | Christi & Kelly)“If you don't want to go to competitions then don't be in charge of a competition team." (43:33-43:39 | Kelly)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiak
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"An interview chair is fun for five minutes, but for twelve hours? Like being in the room with Abby having to interview her, a solid 40% of the time being on her phone with her lawyer because she doesn't want to answer one of the questions I'm asking? Telling me that I should have spent 15 more minutes doing my hair and make-up or listening to the stupid people in my ear? It's just like constant berating AND I was hungover. So it was a little bit of a disaster on Tuesdays." It's a special day at Back to the Barre as Christi and Kelly welcome Dance Moms Producer Annie Leonard to sit down and answer some questions and to set some records straight. Annie also offers a frank reality check that while she's friendly with our lovely Bitches, it was ostensibly her job to ruin their lives when possible since you can't make good TV without some conflict!
What does the Producer's job look like day to day? What was the most difficult aspect of producing Dance Moms and how did it compare to other reality shows? Which moms were the easiest to work with and which ones made a producer's job difficult? The answer to that last one may surprise you, so tune-in to find out the answers to the se questions and more!
Quotes
“There were a lot of things that we used to do in reality TV that you could get canceled for now. A lot of things on Dance Moms that you could get canceled for now. That's Dance Moms, every episode we did something we shouldn't have done." (04:49-05:01 | Kelly & Annie)“The EP gave this speech about not fraternizing with you guys and vice verca. I think there was some of that the season before and they were trying to curtail that or something? I think the fraternization was Kelly and I. Hehe, we were bad.” (13:26-13:40 | Christi, Kelly & Annie)“I felt like most of the time I was prepping Kelly she wasn't really listening to me. Ha, because I hated all of you!" (18:41-18:46 | Kelly & Annie)“[Cameraman] Eddie you could also tell he was a little bit of a partier. But he was holding his camera in the viewing room one day and one of our PAs was feeding him Top Ramen while he was filming. Which they loved." (26:30-26:44 | Annie)Links
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"I'm a horrible human being. Well no you aren't you have cancer so you have a pass right? Isn't that the way it goes? Yeah, and this is the cancer episode!" Well now that Kelly has an excuse and Christi is still AWOL on the second half of the Dance Moms Cares Special, it should be smooth sailing from here with no more infighting. Right? Abby even has to step out to care for her mother, thereby giving the moms some Abby free time, things have to be smoothing sailing from here. Well it never is as easy as one would hope, this is Dance Moms after all!
The day of the competition arrives and the moms find themselves waiting in a gymnasium for a change, leading to some reminiscing about their days as cheerleaders. But the happy times are short lived as Leslie continues her stand-off with Kelly, whom she sees as an obstacle in Payton's path onto the team. The moms are still confused by Leslie's insistence that Payton be included, as she's clearly out of place with the rest of the girls in both height and age, but Leslie doesn't back down. The moms also point out that it isn't a fair match between Chloe and Payton since Payton has had months to prep her dance compared to Chloe's few days, but once again nothing will sway Leslie from getting her daughter the spot she feels she deserves.
Quotes
“People ask all the time: Were these fans real or did production set them up? It's both. I think they came to see us but they gathered them all together so they were all in one spot when we arrived." (12:04-12:16 | Christi & Kelly)“Holly says this is a wonderful opportunity for the girls to express themselves using dance, give back to the community and hopefully find a cure for breast cancer. Which kid is looking for the cure? I don't know but one of you need to find it.” (14:38-14:51 | Christi & Kelly)“It was astounding when those kids won as much as they did because you are literally dancing against people who do nothing but the same dance over and over and over and over and over and over..." (23:29-23:43 | Christi)“Maddie gets first place for her solo...Maddie. Maddie gets Maddie, Maddie and Maddie gets Maddie in the first place for the Maddie category." (34:06-34:13 | Christi)Links
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"Jersey Shore is not doing this shit. Teen Mom is not doing this shit. No, the Dance Moms are. Housewives they would never!" Christi notes as there really is no other show on TV that would make someone unbox a stuffed Broadway Baby, who makes their grand return to haunt all those who lay eyes on it.
This week we jump ahead just a little bit to the first half of the "Dance Moms Care Special", which aired during Season 4 but was filmed immediately after Nationals. You can tell it was filmed right after Nationals because Christi is nowhere to be found, still enjoying some time on the beach while Abby decided last-minute to enter the ALDC into an Atlantic City competition to support the fight against breast cancer. It's a topic that hits close to home for Abby whose mother has been battling cancer for some time. The moms agree to take a mammogram for the program, the results of which are eerily predictive given Kelly's current diagnosis. We'd like to use this opportunity to remind all of you that preventative treatment is the answer, please get checked-up!
Maddie is presented with a solo entitled "Maddie" that's a tribute to... well Maddie. It's truly the zenith of Abby's favoritism towards Maddie, enough so that Jill seems to finally catch on! Elsewhere Leslie continues to try and stir up trouble with the other moms, determined to make the most of Payton's limited time as Chloe's replacement on the team.
Quotes
“We're all getting some very much needed R&R. Rest and relaxation. But I made a commitment a long time ago to take place in a very very special Starbound event. No it was last week, but ok." (20:18-20:28 | Christi)“I think it was Love Island. Someone was like what happens if you get sick and they're like oh the producer said come when you're better. And I'm like what show is that!? cause that is not the experience I had.” (34:01-34:11 | Christi)“We had an overwhelming response to my new store. There's a line around the building and down the block. Do you think that they were excited to meet the cast of Dance Moms? I'm just guessing!" (43:30-43:39 | Christi)“Listen, I'll tell you what. If there's one thing the Dance Moms are good at, it is good at making up a reason why there is pressure." (54:48-55:04 | Christi)Links
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"Those kids on that team want to beat you! Yeah I kind of think thats what happens when everyone there wants to beat you." On the second half of "The Big, Not So, Easy", its finally time for the ALDC and the Candy Apples to go head to head. "Coincidently" both teams show up at the same time, and the Candy Apples take up the opportunity to throw some shade over their missing members. Undeterred, the girls go out to give it their best.
Mackenzie goes first with Dance Doctor, with the aim of retaking her title from the previous year. She does exceptionally well, but to the shock of both Abby and Melissa she fails to take first place. We don't get to see the child who did win, but Melissa assures the audience it was a phenomenal dance (though as Christi and Kelly point out, it was very unlikely Melissa saw that performance at all). Following her is Kendall with VooDoo Doll, and while she pulls it off with grace, the number was clearly choreographed with Chloe in mind and falls short of overtaking Maddie, who stuns with Amazing Grace for first.
It all comes down to the ALDC group number Home Again and Candy Apple's entree VooDoo. The results of who won may not be surprising if you see the clear signals the show puts out, but Christi and Kelly's opinion of who should have won may surprise you!
Quotes
“We've come a long way with social media because if I had said to you in 2012, 'Hey Kel, some day you['re going to have to record on your computer, and know how to work things named Audacity and use headphones, you would have been like fuck you I'm not doing that. I don't know how to work any of it.' I still pretty much say fuck you I don't want to do it!" (11:52-12:12 | Christi & Kelly)“He came out and he's like, 'What's going on, where are you going?' and I'm like, 'Oh I just got kicked out.' For what? And I said I got in a street fight, and he said... I remember him very vividly saying, 'Well isn't that what they want?'” (21:58-22:09 | Christi)“I texted Cathy today and I said,' Hey, watching Season 3 of Dance Moms Nationals for the podcast. Honestly? I think you got robbed.'" (39:52-40:04 | Christi)“Everybody is dancing now before awards to "The Saints Go Marching In". No one on Dance Moms has any buisness dancing to a saint song, just saying." (44:09-44:18 | Christi)Links
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“We are doing an episode this week that I have been dreading for 12 years," mourns Christi as she can't wait any longer now that the ALDC is finally heading to nationals once more! It's been a long and arduous Season 3, but it all comes to a head on "The Big, Not So, Easy". Fair warning: this episode has a lot to take in so it's a two parter. Don't yell at us we've warned you!
Nationals are being held in New Orleans so the ALDC settles into Off Broadway Dance Studio (or at lease a place nearby) to prepare. Things get off to a rocky start with the final Pyramid of the season. Payton is included even though she hadn't competed in the week prior, and even more baffling is the fact bellow her is Kendall who's duet was last week's standout performance. Abby then announces that the girls will be paired off against one another in solo matches to determine who will move on to Nationals, though as the moms note based on the choreography of each solo it's really obvious who Abby intends to win each pairing.
But those plans hit a speed bump when all hell breaks loose over drinks at a local bistro. The moms are goofing around with voodoo dolls when Kristie informs them that Asia will be leaving the ALDC tomorrow to explore opportunities in LA. While that was obviously planned for (wink, wink), Christi and Leslie getting into a drunken fight was not. A producer has to step in to break up the fight and Christi unsuccessfully tries to get Leslie arrested. At least for Christi it's all downhill from there.
Quotes
“[Abby] says to Brooke, ‘Kelly swore she had it in. I believe her.’ That’s the only time in her life that Abby believed you, and it was because it got Brooke in trouble!’" (10:46-10:54 | Christi)“Kendall always wants her mom to shut up. At least our kids never told us to shut up? Like I think in the back of my kids minds they were like, ‘Mom you’re going to get me in trouble,’ but I knew they knew I was sticking up for them.” (11:36-11:50 | Kelly)“How many weeks did we have to sit there and pretend like, ‘Oh you have a chance!’ If that’s being a victim then yes I will say I was being a victim. But I wasn’t being a victim, that’s the storyline!" (29:37-29:48 | Christi)“Jill goes to Melissa, ‘As your friend I don’t recommend that,’ qnd then Melissa is like, ‘BOOBIES!’" (32:02-32:07 | Christi)Links
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"I don't even know what episode it is. Season 3 Episode 36? There's so many episodes in Season 3, who thought this was a good idea!" exclaims Christi as it is indeed Episode 36 "Do-Si-Do and Do-Si-Don't". In order to stretch the season out as much as possible this week, Abby threatens that the girl's performance at In10sity Dance Buffalo Invitational will determine if they go to nationals or not. This is weird for many reasons. For one it's pretty clear who will and won't be going already, but also as long as you have money pretty much anyone can go! But we need to stretch out the Mackenzie and Asia rivalry just a teensy bit more to get people invested in Raising Asia, so the pressure is on.
Abby reveals that Dance Spirit Magazine is looking to highlight one of the girls to showcase what the day in the life of an ALDC member is really like. Of course the girls they select is Maddie, though a little prodding by Jill reveals it was Abby who actually insisted on Maddie. Jill sporadicly shows up at Melissa's house during the photoshoot to try and convince the magazine to feature Kendall, though her persistence is met with annoyed looks. Jill gets a minor win when Kendall is paired up with Maddie for a duet, though Holly seems confused as to why Jill is excited at all.
Jill knack for the spotlight continues at competition where she dawns full cowboy gear in honor of the country themed group dance and does a little dance, "Mackenzie taught her". Oh Jill, never change (maybe take off the chaps).
Quotes
“Hylands in their permanent spot [on the Pyramid]! I just never realized how much at the bottom they were. Oh it's always. And what's funny about it is Holly always talks about how Nia was at the bottom of the Pyramid. No, it was Paige and Brooke." (10:20-10:35 | Christi & Kelly)“She is saying insane things to the children. Although at this point our kids aren't even phased. Uh uh, I don't think they are. I think it goes in one ear and out the other” (12:40-12:50 | Christi & Kelly)“If you ever got called into that studio by yourself, it was an instant vomit trigger." (29:16-29:22 | Christi)“Boy Christi, you're going to fuck it all up in Jackson Square next week, no need to worry. Throwing your drink! Ugh, what a waste of a good hurricane." (35:51-36:06 | Christi & Kelly)Links
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"Who would take their child to a dance class that, when the dance teacher tells you to do something, you have a fucking panic attack?" asks Kelly as she reflects on the moment she finally reached the end of her rope with Dance Moms on "Divas Las Vegas". While the show attempted to tie off the proceedings with a small moment of Abby being kind, Kelly knew she was done by the end of this week's competition in Las Vegas.
True to her word last week, Abby gives both Brooke and Paige solos. However, she will not be doing the choreography. Those duties will be taken up by choreographer Ricky Palomino. The issue is Abby is clearly resentful of Ricky's presence as, despite what they claim in the episode proper, Ricky's involvement was a Lifetime decision to give Paige and Brooke someone to work with who wouldn't just openly sabotage them. So Abby sets about singling out Kelly's daughters, designing an impromptu test for all the girls to solo perform their section of the group routine. Paige doesn't take well to the proceedings and ends up having a panic attack, noting that while she likes the ALDC she doesn't like Abby.
Paige's high anxiety carries over into the competition where even during her own solo she can't manage to shake off the undue stress Abby has placed on her. She fails to complete her performance and Abby puts Paige on blast to the entire audience. This does not sit well with Kelly, whose finally been pushed to the edge one time too many.
Quotes
“A typhoon Vegas! And me and you are [stuck] in the restaurant eating salt! Pure salt. We were literally eating a salt sampler. It was so good!" (6:17-6:30 | Christi & Kelly)“Watch the cracks when you step on the sidewalk. Remember, step on a crack and you break your mothers back. Like I don't understand what that had to do with anything? I think she's on crack!” (21:03-21:13 | Christi & Kelly)“Abby was screaming at me mid-shit. Horrible." (25:22-25:26 | Christi)“You were no longer an ALDC member, neither was I. We never signed the contract. We would brign our kids to rehersal as far as dance Moms stuff, and I think they took a handful of classes here and there, but we weren't going to that studio because whent he crew wasn't there the kids had literally no protection from her." (51:41-42:04 | Christi & Kelly)Links
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"They always blame everything on me. Like Abby being there is because of me? I had to be there. I was forced to come back!" Kelly notes for what increasingly feels like the millionth time as the show attempts to use Kelly and her kids as drama fodder on "On-Again, Off-Again Abby". Abby is still out for the week but makes a special appearance at the ALDC to present Kelly with a threat. Abby doesn't want Kelly there, but if she "insists" then Abby promises to work her children to the bone with new solos every week. That of course never happened, so all this meeting accomplished was scaring Brooke and Paige over the fact they have a mom whom Abby dislikes. And just as soon as she's in the episode, Abby disappears once more. She doesn't even show up for competition, which while rude is still a very much welcome break from the madness.
Meanwhile Melissa is fretting over whether Abby will select her kids for Nationals. It doesn't matter that it's the producer's call who actually goes, Melissa sneaks off to discuss the matter with Abby privately. Though Maddie's spot is confirmed, Melissa tries to play coy with the other moms. To what end? Who knows, it's not as if anybody thought Maddie wouldn't be going.
Cathy's Candy Apples are back, thankfully sans Anthony. In his place to stir up some trouble is Hadley's mom Yvette, who is gunning to climb the ranks as a choreographer. Although she puts her best foot forward, Cathy ends up getting credit for all of this week's choreography which leads to Yvette having a meltdown at competition. It does beg the question though, "Do you really want to be considered the next Anthony?"
Quotes
“There is a producer who said, and it's kinda cruel, but they were like, "Remember when Mrs. Miler was dying for like 18 episodes and every episode was saying she was going to die this week and then she said no and kept living. Like what do we do?'" (15:51-16:03 | Christi)“You know I wouldn't know what an AMF is. I never even knew what LOL was until recently.” (21:54-22:00 | Kelly)“'I might just be allergic to something. You're allergic to Dance Moms. It's not your comfort show it's your trigger." (43:08-43:13 | Christi & Kelly)“Nevermind. I was going to say she's so nervy, but I'm about to be a giant bitch coming up so nevermind." (1:13:40-1:13:52 | Christi)Links
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"If we're being honest, you cannot script Abby," admits Christi as she tries to articulate why Dance Moms was such a success and Dance Moms: Miami only ran one season. It's one of the many topics discussed on this week's bonus Q&A episode! If you're a member of the Back to the Barre Patreon then you already know it's the best place to get your questions answered directly by Christi and Kelly, but not ever listener is a subscriber! We thought what better way to wrap up this 4th of July holiday weekend than to give the main feed a little taste of what they're missing with a whole Q&A episode!
What was the process like for filming dances? Were the dances really recorded twice, how did that work? Will the production ever release the unedited footage of Abby and Kelly's fight? Speaking of which, where did the girls go when fights were happening between the Moms and Abby? Were they whisked away and unaware of what was happening?
Tune-in to find out the answers to these questions and more!
Quotes
“Because it's a holiday week... and there's a lot going on... and we didn't really want to watch Dance Moms! We both called each other cause we were supposed to be filming and, ugh, I didn't watched it yet!” (1:51-2:08 | Christi & Kelly)“Remember Brooke didn't know like half the things that happened with us and we didn't know half the things that happened with them. You know I think when we were fighting at the studio and they were around, they would take them to the bathroom I remember a lot.” (13:56-14:09 | Kelly)“You know my kids say I'm scary. Like when they would bring friends and boyfriends over they were always very quite and my kids were always like, 'They're afraid of you.' do you think they're afraid of you because of the show? Yeah! They're certainly weren't afraid of me in real life, I'm not scary.'" (21:49-22:03 | Christi & Kelly)“I need to know if there is something in the water in Pittsburgh cause there's some crazy bitches all in one condensed area. We are nuts." (40:00-40:07 | Christi)Links
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"This was the greatest moment in Dance Moms history as far as I was concerned." exclaims Christi since Abby is away "with her mother" and Gia is left in charge on "Gone, Abby Gone". There isn't even a Pyramid this week, how could this not be the best week ever? Cause Abby still found a way to make it awful! But most of that wasn't shown on camera, so prepare for a lot of 4th wall breaking to find out what really went down that Fourth of July weekend in 2013.
Kelly is contractually forced to bring her kids back to the studio. The show frames this situation as Kelly sneaking-in her kids while Abby is away, just to get Brooke that solo she 100% wants. This immensely upsets Leslie, who is convinced Kelly has it out for Payton and fears they will be kicked to the curb if Kelly returns. A feud begins to quickly fuel between the two moms, though Kelly doesn't have anything against Payton in reality, so it's rather one sided. Kelly takes the bold step to call Abby and request a solo for Brooke, to which Abby informs Gia that if Brooke is given a solo she'll be fired. Gia downplays the situation and gives Brooke a solo to practice, knowing what may come of it. To add insult to injury it's far and away the worst choreography Brooke has ever been given. When Abby calls in to give the Hylands a piece of her mind, she crosses a line with Brooke that suspiciously didn't make it to air.
Christi also takes the crown for "Worst Dance Moms Outfit". So tune-in to hear Christi relive the horror of it all!
Quotes
“Paris Hilton's book... and she refers to us in there! Oh yeah, about how ugly our clothes are. It's not Dance Moms level ugly? Ok Paris fuck off! Shut up! I mean maybe...” (8:39-8:51 | Christi & Kelly)“Every time you show up Payton gets kicked back off the team. But that's not my fault. That's a TV show, there's only so many spots!” (26:23-26:29 | Christi & Kelly)“So you're in your white minivan with your bar of clothes in the back and they came up. Walk me through it. Were they like you need to ask for a solo? Absolutely. None of us wanted a solo. None of us wanted to even be back." (30:16-30:27 | Christi & Kelly)“Let's take a poll. Do you think it's hoodlum if you say the F-word or do you think you're a hoodlum if you break a beer bottle on someone's face?" (42:08-42:16 | Christi)Links
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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510
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