Episódios
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Intergenerational trauma. It’s something we talk about a lot here. The most common cycles we discuss are the patterns of keeping secrets and the patterns of shame. In this week’s episode, you will hear a story about a cycle of NPEs.
When Bobbi became pregnant with her third child, she knew that was not in a position to care for another baby. She relinquished her child to a family member, but kept the specific circumstances around the birth a secret - most people thought she was a surrogate.
Just a couple of years later, Bobbi was shocked when, long before consumer DNA testing, she learned that the man she’d believed was her biological father was not, and that both of her parents knew this secret her entire life.
And then there was one more. Years later, when she took a consumer DNA test, Bobbi uncovered that her mother is also an NPE, upending another long believed story.
I want to especially thank Bobbi for being open about her experience as a mother in this situation. She shares a vulnerable, honest, and empathetic perspective for all of us to consider.
Thanks again to Bobbi for sharing her story.
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Bobbi’s Book: Descendant Deception -
Who would I have become if I had known the truth? How were the interactions I had throughout my life colored by an unknown truth? These are questions so many of us ask ourselves, over and over and over again.
The reality is, we will never know, no more than we would know who we would have become if we’d been born in another country. Part of the DNA surprise experience is coming to terms with this.
In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Guy, who I first interviewed back in Season 3. When we first spoke, Guy had just experienced his surprise, and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do next. One of the things that struck me was how freeing Guy found the revelation to be.
Guy shares what’s come up for him since we first spoke, including the many ways he’s been analyzing - and reanalyzing his past. In the two years since we spoke, Guy’s come to the realization that the facts of his situation don’t matter much to him, and that all he has is now.
PS - If you think DNA surprises are all sad all the time, this episode is a good reminder that it’s OK to laugh sometimes.
Thank you, Guy, for sharing your story.
Guy's DNA Surprise (Original episode)
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If you’ve had a DNA surprise, you might listen to this podcast from the perspective of someone who just uncovered their results. Or did it happen years ago, when consumer DNA testing became popular? What has changed for you since the day you opened your test results?
In this week’s episode, I’m joined by a guest from Season 1, Crystal. Crystal had her DNA surprise the same month and year that I did. When we first spoke, it had only been a few months since she received her results. So much has happened since then.
Crystal shares what it was like when she finally met her biological father for the first time, as well as how her relationships have evolved over the years. If you’re in the thick of your DNA surprise right now, I hope this episode gives you hope that things will get better, because they will.
Thank you Crystal for sharing your story.
Crystal's DNA Surprise (Original episode)
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When people uncover DNA surprises, they are often left to unpack the mysteries themselves. From the who, what, when and where around their births to where their newly identified family members are today, we spend hours searching newspapers, online archives, and obituaries.
Many times, we find what we’re looking for. Sometimes, we don’t.
In this week’s episode, BettyJo shares how any of her questions remain unanswered. Her mother wouldn’t share many details and their relationship, along with her relationship with her raised siblings, and disintegrated after the discovery.
BettyJo believes her father is from Mexico, where endogamy, the custom of marrying only within the limits of a local community, clan, or tribe, is common. This makes locating specific people tricky.
BettyJo shares how she’s managed losing the close relationship she once had with her mother, as well as how she’s coping with so many unknowns.
Thank you for sharing your story, BettyJo.
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Did you know that the DNA Surprises podcast community meets in a virtual support group every month? We started the Third Thursday Meetup in 2023 to serve as an additional resource for NPEs, late-discovery donor-conceived people, and late-discovery adoptees to find community and support. Third Thursdays have quickly become one of my favorite nights of the month, due in no small part to the two people who are sharing updates in this special double update episode.
Liann and Pat uncovered their DNA surprises in very different ways. Liann found out long before consumer DNA tests, while Pat uncovered her surprise more recently. In the first half of this week’s episode, Liann joins me to share her progress as she moves in the advocacy stage of her DNA surprise journey. At around the 27-minute mark, Pat joins me for the second half of this episode and shares how she’s doing nearly a year and a half after her surprise.
Be sure to listen to Liann and Pat’s episodes, and then listen to their updates.
Thanks to Lianna and Pat for joining me again.
Liann's original episode
Pat's original episodeBy the way, if you want to sign up for Third Thursdays, go to dnasurprises.com/events.
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Not every DNA surprise has a happy ending. And sometimes, what seems like a happy ending takes a turn. But the opposite is also true. In this week’s episode, Shannon shares how she learned the truth about her paternity and had to wait several years before she could identify her biological father. When she finally found him, he was receptive, before quickly closing off any hope of a relationship…until he had another change of heart.
Thank you for sharing your story, Shannon.
If you’d like to learn more about Shannon’s therapy practice, visit CreatingSpaceTherapy.com.
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Many people in the DNA surprise community grew up with dads, or birth certificate fathers, BCFs as they’re often called. We are raised by these men and then one day, through a DNA test or other means, we learn that they are not our biological fathers. But what if you never really felt like you had a dad? How does a DNA surprise affect you?
In this week’s episode, Alissa shares how her free-spirited mother had her and her twin brother on her own, before marrying their stepfather. Alissa remembers asking questions - “Do we have a dad?” And getting the same explanation each time. He lived in another state, he had gone to prison, they’d tried to make it work but did not.
In her early 20s, Alissa attempted to build a relationship with who she believed was her biological father, Jim, even finding an “Uncle Dad” through his brother Rick. After taking a DNA test, everything she thought she knew was upended.
Thank you for sharing your story, Alissa.
For early access to ad-free episodes, join me over on Patreon at patreon.com/dnasurprises.
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DNA Surprises bring up a range of emotions, and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve made clear on this show, all those emotions are valid. In this week’s episode, Joan shares why her DNA surprise was more of an interesting adventure than a dramatic event.
Her story is one of optimism, curiosity, and patience - it took her a decade to solve her mystery, and many questions remain unanswered. She discusses how she uncovered the truth and why she ultimately feels like her DNA surprise revealed that she had the best of both worlds.
Thank you for sharing your story, Joan.
Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at www.dnasurprises.com.
Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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Welcome to the 100th episode of DNA surprises! OK, technically I’ve had more than 100 episodes already, but this is the 100th DNA Surprise story I’ve had the privilege of sharing with you all.
So, in celebration of 100 episodes, I thought we’d take it allll the way back to the beginning. In this week’s episode, I’m joined once again by Yvette, my very first guest on the podcast.
I am eternally grateful to those Season 1 guests. They responded to my call for guests with no guarantees on how their stories would be told or where. They trusted me with one of the most difficult experiences of their lives - and that’s where this all began.
If you haven’t yet listened to Yvette’s story, I’ll give you a quick recap here, but I encourage you to pause this episode and go back to Season 1, episode one: Yvette’s DNA Surprise. In our first conversation, Yvette was coming fresh off of her DNA surprise. She’d figured out who her biological father was, and actually remembered meeting him one time in her life before he died. She had connected with her newfound siblings but hadn’t yet had the opportunity to meet them. Yvette had also gone no contact with her mother because of her anger and pain about the secret.
One of the biggest sources of joy in her story was her ethnic shift, with the discovery of her Sicilian heritage. Yvette felt immediately connected to her ancestors when she learned about this background and immersed herself in learning about the food and culture. One of the biggest sources of her pain is around the missed opportunity to connect with her biological father, who she seemingly shared countless similarities with.
That was nearly two and half years ago, and in this week’s episode, Yvette joined me to share where things are now. She shares how she’s continued to navigate her ethnic shift and build deep connections with her Sicilian roots. She also gives a surprising update on her relationship with her siblings and tells us where things currently stand with her mother.
Thank you for sharing your story with us again, Yvette.
Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at www.dnasurprises.com.
Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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It’s your story. You have the right to tell it. This is something we hear a lot in the DNA surprise community - I say it a lot myself. In this week’s episode, Ruby shares a unique perspective on this philosophy.
Ruby took her DNA test expecting to learn more about her Mexican heritage, and instead uncovers a half-sibling and learns her biological father is different from the man who raised her. Ruby reflects on her childhood suspicions, her complex relationships with her parents, and navigating the newfound truth.
She discusses the impact on her mental health, the role of therapy, and how she plans to incorporate her experience into her work as an artist. Thank you for sharing your story, Ruby.
Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at www.dnasurprises.com.
Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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What would you do if you found out that your biological father wasn’t the man who raised you, but someone you’d known in the periphery of much of your life? Someone who’d photographed weddings, even done your taxes? In this episode, Beth shares her journey after discovering her biological father was a long-time colleague of her mother.
Beth talks about the strong connections she had with her birth certificate father and who she believed was her paternal grandmother, and the feelings she experienced after learning the truth. She reveals how she’s formed a close relationship with her biological father and maintains a lot of compassion for her mother.
Thank you for sharing your story, Beth.
Do you have a DNA surprise you'd like to share? Submit your story at www.dnasurprises.com.
Get early access to ad-free episodes by joining the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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What never fails to surprise me is how innocently DNA surprises begin. In this episode, we hear from Doe - yes, that’s a pseudonym - who uncovered her DNA surprise in 2021.
A skillful genealogist, Doe bought a DNA test for her husband, who was curious about his family history. As it just so happened, she purchased the test during a buy one, get one free sale, so she decided to take a test herself. When she received her results, she learned that not only was her birth certificate father not her biological father, but that the story she’d always believed about her mother was false.
In this episode, she shares how the discovery and the continued secrecy have affected her, and how she uses her experience to help others.
Thank you for sharing your story, Doe.
Join the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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Welcome to the Season 8 finale of DNA Surprises.
In this episode, I’m joined by Deanna, who shares her NPE story. Deanna has experienced unspeakable amounts of hardship in her life, from abandonment to abuse to her DNA discovery.
Her story is difficult - and powerful. You’ll hear how she’s still reckoning with the what-might-have-beens and the whys. You’ll also learn how she’s moving forward, including being the person she needed when she was younger.Thank you for sharing your story, Deanna.
Join the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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Every DNA Surprise is unique—the who, what, when, and why surrounding an NPE vary from person to person. Still, after nearly 100 interviews, I’ve noticed consistent themes in these stories. One of those themes is a complicated mother-child relationship.
When Jennifer took her DNA test, she had no idea that her family tree would change forever. As it turns out, both her mother and grandmother had relationships with the same man, making Jennifer’s aunts also her sisters, and her cousins also her nieces and nephews. To add some clarity here, this man is not Jennifer’s grandfather - he is a man that her grandmother had an affair with, resulting in two of her aunts. She discusses how she’s faced the shame and stigma of this complicated story, and how she’s navigated her relationship with her mother.
Jennifer and I spend quite a bit of time talking about the mother-daughter dynamic, and how she was able to radically accept their relationship for what it is - not what she wants it to be. If you’re currently struggling with this part of your story, I hope this conversation helps you.
Thank you to Jennifer for so openly sharing her feelings on this, as well as her story.
Resources:
Contact: [email protected]Join the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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DNA Surprises are confusing. They’re confusing for the people they happen to as they try to make sense of newfound information. With so many characters, twists, and turns in each story, they’re also confusing for people listening to DNA Surprises stories.
This week’s DNA surprise story is no exception. In fact, it features a triple-NPE. So before we begin, I’m going to break down who’s who.
Jessica grew up with a birth certificate dad, who she believed was her biological father. We’ll refer to him as Dad 1. She will go on to tell us about her stepfather, who, after a series of events, becomes Bio Dad 2. Her mother then reveals the truth, or so Jessica thinks - and she identifies Bio Dad 3. To be clear, none of these men are her biological father.
Jessica shares the long and winding road she took to finally identifying her true biological father, with the help of an Ancestry DNA test and her detective skills. She also reveals how she’s navigating a new relationship with her bio dad and an ethnicity shift that uprooted her from a strong Italian heritage.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jessica.
Join the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. This is especially true when it comes to DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, coworkers Robyn and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time. In fact, Robyn used her genealogy skills to identify Ida’s father.
They each reflect on their personal journeys and how they’ve supported each other as they navigate their emotions. While every journey is unique, Ida and Robyn share many similarities. Their biological fathers have accepted both and both have understanding and empathy for their mothers.
Thank you to both Robyn and Ida for sharing your stories.
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DNA surprises rarely happen in a vacuum. So many of the people I speak to have experienced other traumas throughout their lives, long before sending off DNA tests. In this week’s episode, Courtney shares how her mother’s mental health struggles played a large part in her childhood.
She knew she was adopted by her stepfather when she was young and grew up feeling abandoned and ignored by her biological father. As an adult, they began repairing their relationship, which led to them taking a DNA test. It’s then that Courtney gets the surprise of her life and begins the search for her true biological father.
Courtney’s story is one of vulnerability, compassion, and a journey to radical acceptance. Thank you for sharing your story, Courtney.
Resources:
DNAngels.org
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Iliamari Vazquez Houston, a therapist based out of the Phoenix metro area. Iliamari will facilitate a session on generational trauma - and generational healing - at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ.
We discuss what generational trauma is and how we can begin to break the cycles of secrets and shame in the DNA surprise community. She also shares some excellent resources for folks interested in learning more about generational trauma and healing.
If this discussion resonated with you, join us at the DNA Surprise Retreat this year, where we will cover this and more topics in community with people who understand the emotions that follow a DNA Surprise.
Resources:
withanopenheartllc.com instagram.com/withanopenheartllc Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma Self-care for LatinasJoin the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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Sometimes, after DNA surprises are revealed, our relationships with our raised parents become strained. Sometimes, this leads to estrangement. But for others, these surprises simply compound already strained relationships.
When Dawn had her DNA surprise, she was already virtually no contact with her mother. In this week’s episode, she shares why she initially made the decision to go little to no contact with her raised family, largely due to her mistreatment compared to her other siblings.
She reveals why she took her DNA test to begin with, and how she finally learned the truth about her parentage. While Dawn’s relationships with her raised family remain distant, she’s built incredible relationships with her newfound step-siblings, who insist that had her biological father known about her, he would have loved and accepted her.
Thank you for sharing your story, Dawn.
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Jenna Hedstrom, E-RYT 500 and Expert Breathwork Facilitator. Jenna will lead a breathwork session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ.
During our conversation, we discuss what breathwork is and how it benefits us. We also chat about how to overcome blockers around practicing something new, like breathwork.
If this discussion resonated with you, join us at the DNA Surprise Retreat this year, where we will cover this and more topics in community with people who understand the emotions that follow a DNA Surprise.
Resources:
jennapaigehealing.com facebook.com/jenna.hedstrom/ instagram.com/jennapaigehealingSupport the Show.
Join the DNA Surprises Patreon community!
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