Episódios
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In today's episode we talk about 6 comments and questions that you absolutely don't want to say to a home birth mom or family! We heard these things as we prepared for our home birth and can say from experience that they are not helpful at all.
Some things are better left unsaid, and that applies to commentary on someone’s decision to have a home birth.
In this episode we share 6 big statement/topics to avoid when you’re talking to a mom who’s planning a homebirth. While they may be well-intentioned, these are the things that don’t help the process.
And if you are a home birth mom, we talk about ways to address these comments and how you can deflect them like Neo with those slow motion bullets in the Matrix.
Let’s leave the fear and judgement out of it. Because we all know birth could use less of that.
So steer away from these 6 things, please. And if you must comment then simply tell the mom how much of a badass she is! (that'll win you some brownie points)
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Continuing our work to bring real and honest stories of home birth to you, we sat down with Debbie Schneider, CPM extraordinaire.
Debbie is actually our midwife! She delivered Maya, and has become a very important part of our lives.
We’ve known we wanted to interview Debbie since we started the podcast. She’s an amazing and wise source of information and support of all things home birth.
Her story in becoming a midwife is an inspiring one, deciding to shift into her life’s passion at 44. Now 18 years later and some 700 births attended, Debbie talks about “normalizing birth again,” that is, putting it back in the hands of mothers and families to choose the birth plan that aligns best with them.
We could’ve talked with Debbie all day, but for the sake of time, we kept it to about an hour. And you won’t want to miss one minute of it. You’ll get some of the history of home birth, obstetrics’ attempts to “make birth more efficient,” and the differences in the experiences of home and the typical hospital birth.
Here are some of the resources Debbie mentions in the episode:
The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth
Ina May Gaskin
Obstetric Myths Versus Research Realities
DawningLife Midwifery
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In this episode we're talking with mom of 4 Jenny DiPietro, who has had multiple home births, a home birth turned hospital transfer, a water birth at home, and who performs placenta encapsulation for families. We get into a lot in this one!
Oh yeah, and we’re also entering a new phase of the podcast!
In addition to our episodes that feature Matthew and me discussing some topic related to home birth, we’re publishing our conversations with moms and families who have experienced home birth along with professionals and thought leaders on the subject.
First to kick off this endeavor is our chat with Jenny DiPietro. Jenny is a mom of 4, who has experienced both home and hospital birth.
In our talk, we cover things like:
The details of her births
What went into her decision-making process to choose home birth
Her work as a Placenta Encapsulation Specialist
The importance of education in the pregnancy and birthing journey
We’re very excited to bring other stories and perspectives of homebirth to you. Enjoy!
For more on Jenny and her work, you can check her out on her website here.
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In today’s episode we address the question, “Is home birth messy?”
It's a great question that I know crossed my mind once or twice during pregnancy, because let's be honest, many depictions of birth insinuate that it can require lots of cleanup.
But here’s the truth on mess during a homebirth: yes there are parts of it that can be messy (as I’m sure you can imagine fluids can go everywhere), but you do not have to make a mess while giving birth at home. I repeat, you do NOT have to walk away from your home birth with your house looking like a crime scene. With the right supplies, preparation, and team, you can have a completely comfortable, mess free home birth. I guarantee it!
Listen as we share tips to keep your home birth as mess free as possible, give you a list of the things you’ll want to have on hand and set up before hand to ensure your birth is as pleasant as possible.
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Today’s episode was inspired by a listener email. Leonie, listening all the way in Australia, reached out to share her birth story.
She had planned for a minimal intervention birth in a midwife led public hospital program (way to go Australis!) but things didn’t go exactly as anticipated. Her email was amazing - raw, honest and transparent - and at the end she had a few questions for me about home birth, my connection to Maya, and more.
So when we received this email we knew we wanted to record an episode with our response.
Here are the questions we cover in this episode:
Sarah how did you feel after Maya was born?
Did you feel an instant connection?
Can you go into this time a bit for us?
How do you feel now weeks down the track, looking back?
Do you look back with any regrets, and trauma, and worries?
How do you feel overall about the home birth concept, how did it fit into your dream/vision?
Is there anything you would change?
Is there anything your would recommend?
Leonie, and every mom and family out there with similar stories and questions, this one is for you!
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A lot goes into creating a badass and powerful team. You want a team that works together and has synergy. You want individual members who can hold their own yet contribute to the totality of the group. You want to be able to trust everyone’s competence and commitment to the overall goal. These teams win championships, seal the deals, and set the example for all other teams.
Now when it comes to choosing your team for your home birth, how do you go about creating the ultimate, most awesome group of people to support you in such an amazing, magical experience?
That’s exactly what Matthew and I talk about in this episode. Maybe you haven’t even thought about having a birth team and this is a new concept for you. We’re here to help give some context around it.
We share our experience of selecting the members of our home birth team - our thought process in how we chose them and why, the vision we had in mind for the people who would be involved, the roles they played and how they contributed to the whole experience.
It takes a village to raise a child, so why not recruit the best team possible to usher him/her into the world?
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In this episode, I invite you into a precious and intimate moment.
You see, during the early parts of birthing time (labor), we placed a recorder in the room - to capture the experience and be able to listen back to it later on.
While I was moving through my birthing waves (contractions) in the bathtub, Matthew tended to me by bringing me water and snacks along with affirming me and contacting our midwife with updates.
I would later find out that during one of the times Matthew left the room, he took the recorder with him. And he would then record one of the most amazing pieces of audio I’ve ever listened to.
A few days later, he shared the recording with me. And now I’m sharing it with all of you, along with my response to it.
Why am I choosing to let you in on this? Because I think it’s important to hear about the magic of this experience. Because by sharing this, it creates the opportunity for its impact to be magnified by anyone who might hear it and be influenced.
I want women and their partners to feel empowered and inspired to create their own magical and intimate moments - in birth and beyond.
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I had always heard pregnancy can be a vulnerable time. You’re dealing with a lot of changes - physically and emotionally. Not to mention, the more pregnant you become, the more obvious your circumstance is to anyone who lays eyes on you.
And for some reason, actually lots of reasons - there’s something about a big, beautiful belly that attracts a lot of attention.
There comes a time when you can’t walk through the grocery store without being approached with a question or comment on your pregnancy. It’s kinda like a weird form of celebrity. And while some of it is sweet and affirming, others make for an uncomfortable encounter.
Like the unsolicited advice and opinions. I actually had a woman in a restaurant apologize to me when I told her I was having a girl.
Oh, and then there are those who take it a step further and feel compelled to touch your belly. Yep, that happened.
So how do you respond to these people who test your patience and tempt you to kick them in the shins? For me, it involved a lot of deep, intentional breathing.
Listen to more of our story on traversing the challenges of unsolicited comments and advice on pregnancy and birth from the strangers of the world.
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This is it, folks! The episode you’ve all been waiting for….our birth story!
Matthew and I sit down (in bed, as always) with our first guest - less than a week old baby Maya. She lies quietly (for the most part, you might hear some coos and little grunts in the background at times) on Matthew’s chest while we recount the story of our home birth, while it’s still fresh in our minds.
We take you from the beginning of the birthing waves (contractions) when they started late Saturday night, all the way to delivery. It just so happens that the night it all started was a special date night, and one that we’re sure to remember forever. I purchased tickets to the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra performing music by the famous composer John Williams earlier in the year as a Father’s Day present for Matthew. Its date being a precarious one (close to our due date), we weren’t sure if we’d end up going. Turns out that Maya must’ve known, and was waiting for us to have this special time together before her arrival.
It would be a couple of hours and attempts to sleep the discomfort off that I would realize I was in active labor. I spent this time in our bathtub, listening to Hypnobabies while Matthew sat with me, made me a PB&J and kept me hydrated.
Over the next few hours our birth team, which included a midwife and 2 apprentices, as well as 5 close family members, arrived and assumed their roles of supporting myself and Matthew.
I labored for the majority of the time in the giant kiddie blow up pool and eventually delivered on what the midwives refer to as the “birthing stool.”
I won’t give all the fun details away. You’ll hear all of that in the episode. But let’s just say it was intense, intimate, spiritual and magical. The whole event was 12 hours total, exactly the amount of time I envisioned when I mentally planned the birth experience.
There were a lot of tears, a fair amount of blood, some laughs and so much love. So join us from our bedroom - where we made our baby, birthed her and are now hanging out with her and talking about the whole darn thing.
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“We are not a culture that waits for anything, nor are we believers in normal birth; waiting for a baby can feel like insanity.”
This is a powerful quote from an article that had a profound impact on Matthew and me.
The article is about the “in between” stage of the last days of pregnancy before moving into birth, a period that the author of the article calls zwischen (pulling from the German word for “between” - fitting huh?). You can find the article here: https://www.mothering.com/threads/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-place-of-in-between.1619798/
In this episode, Matthew and I talk about our own experience with the “between,” being that we are technically past our “due date.” We share how this is a beautiful time to practice patience, surrender, and enjoy the moments that we have together before moving into the roles of parents for the first time. We also acknowledge, however, that it can seem excruciating - like you’re walking around waiting for a timer to go off that you really have no control or knowledge of its plans.
We share some examples of things and situations that have helped us stay patient and present, as well as things that have driven us a little nutty. All in preparation for our magical home birth and days to follow it.
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Today we’re talking about our top 10 list for prepping for our home birth. We found that these were the things that helped us throughout pregnancy - from the mental prepping to physical activity to some natural products and even spiritual and energetic exercises.
We’ve been very keen on having the most powerful and peaceful home birth experience possible. And we know for that to happen, it requires some conscious and proactive action on our part.
So here’s a quick recap of the 10 (in no particular order of importance) for you:
Working with midwives. Not just working with {amazing} midwives - but having hour-long prenatal appointments with them every time we met (which was a huge contrast from the hour-plus we would spend at the OBGYN - to physically meet with the doctor for an average of about 8 minutes).
Chiropractic care. This came recommended by the midwives and boy am I glad I did it. It started as a habit of prenatal care for me, but ended up into a family affair and was something Matthew and I did together each week.
Yoga. Tons of pregnant women sign the praises of prenatal yoga. It’s mind, body, spirit alignment. And an awesome space to practice your breathing!
Exercise. Beyond yoga, I “worked out” about twice a week, supplementing jogging (which I did up until 36 weeks pregnant), walking and other stuff to stay active.
Pool. This is something I did not do enough. But swimming in a pool was such a glorious thing. I highly recommend it.
Natural products. Here are some links to a few we mention in this episode:
Slippery Elm - https://www.thayers.com/product-category/slippery-elm-lozenges/Earth Mama Angel Baby Organics - http://earthmamaangelbaby.com/
Witch Hazel Pads - https://www.thayers.com/shop-thayers/premium-witch-hazel/thayers-original-witch-hazel-astringent-pads/
Nutrition. My biggest realization here was that I’m not actually eating for 2. Instead I kept to what I knew worked for me.
Meditation. Specifically Hypnobabies childbirth hypnosis classes. I did the self guided route and have loved it. https://www.hypnobabies.com/
A supportive community. It truly takes a village to raise a child - and that process starts in pregnancy. Matthew and I have been so blessed with amazing, loving people to help us prepare for this epic journey of birth and parenthood.
Working on yourself! I took as best advantage as I could have this time to think about the person and mother I want to be - who I want to model for baby Maya and how that’s going to play a part in every other aspect of my life as well.
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Let’s talk about sex, BABY! Not just the kind that makes the babies, but the kind you continue doing while the bun is in the oven.
There’s plenty of topics around pregnancy that receive just the surface level of attention paid to them in the blogs, books, and classes. Sex was the big thing for me that I experienced ambiguity around. Everything I saw depicted one of two extremes - you either want it all the time or the thought it makes you more nauseated than morning sickness. My main takeaway was “no more missionary” and just do whatever works for you.
I won’t knock the advice of doing what is most comfortable for you - it’s great even. I was just hungry for more -- like what was stuff that popped up for other women and couples in the bedroom? What were the fears that could be broken down during this time, new paradigms that could be formed and stronger, more intimate bonds that could be forged in the scene of sexual intimacy while pregnant?
Naturally, Matthew and I decided to sit down and talk about it. So not only do you get to hear about my perspective on our sexual relationship traveling through pregnancy, but you get the male’s point-of-view as well.
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When you’re expecting, it’s very common to hear the question, “Where are you delivering?” If not that specifically, people generally ask about your doctor or your doctor visits.
Whether it’s close friends and family or total strangers, most will insert some sort of advice or personal experience to whatever birth plan it is you’ve chosen.
It can be even more interesting when you share that your birth plan involves a home birth. Queue awkward silences, uncomfortable jokes and even sometimes downright judgement.
That’s what we’re talking about in this episode: what we’re calling the “pushbacks.” They are the often well-intentioned but poorly executed gestures and words to share varying degrees of care and concern for yours and your baby’s well-being.
But it’s great because it gives you a chance to exercise patience and understanding. It might even help you confirm why you’re considering or chose home birth.
Matthew and I have grown to love the pushbacks, and we share some examples of ones we received.
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Remember the horrible films you’d watch in sex ed classes featuring a scary, screaming, bloody mess of a woman giving birth in total agony (probably because she had sex before marriage and was birthing the baby out of wedlock - I went to Catholic school so I’m convinced those videos were purely to warn off pre-marital sex rather than educate on the miracle of childbirth)?
Well until becoming pregnant myself, these were the only visual references I had for a birthing experience.
Throughout the pregnancy, I’ve made it a point to watch more empowering examples of birth play out. Our awesome midwives have a full library of home birth videos from women and families they’ve worked with, and they lend them out to current patients to check out for themselves.
I dove right in, like an athlete studying film of other amazing athletes in the game. I watched for different home birth setups, styles of laboring, support from birthing partners and family members, and all the other elements I could use to envision my own home birth experience.
Watching all of the videos brought up new ideas and contexts like what I previously thought birth had to look like and how it could be with intentional planning.
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Many pregnancy and birth resource focus on the mother or the baby, for reasons that are quite obvious.
But there’s typically another partner involved who is feeling all sorts of things, but isn’t always asked or encouraged to share and express the roller coaster of thoughts, fears, hopes, beliefs that they’re experiencing.
I wanted to change that in today’s episode, and so I interviewed my husband Matthew on his experience of going through pregnancy with me, how he initially felt about a home birth, and how he managed his fears and emotions of finally settling on an out-of-hospital birth.
It’s an amazingly open and honest conversation about all of the things that came up for him through this journey. Matthew, as always, is honest and transparent, and that brings an amazingly refreshing perspective to the conversation of pregnancy and home birth.
This episode was inspired by an article I read in Pathways To Family Wellness magazine. The article is titled “A Father’s Perspective: The Journey From Hospital To Home”. I highly recommend you check out Pathways magazine for a holistic and conscious resource on pregnancy, birth, parenthood and families. It’s amazing!
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When we began our pregnancy adventure, home birth was pretty far from our mind. We kicked things off the traditional way: going to see an OBGYN at a great hospital that would usher our baby into the world the way that 98% of families in the US do it.
But three months later we parted ways with our OBGYN, partnered up with a midwife group working out of their home, and began our home birth journey.
The two of us flip flopped on who was more fearful and enthusiastic about the idea. Neither of us had seen a home birth, we didn’t know much about them, and (until we started asking around) we didn’t know anyone who had even done one.
But our decision to have baby Maya in our home ended up being the absolute best decision we could have ever made for our family (and I can say that with full resoluteness, because 5 days ago we welcomed Maya into the world! But we’ll get into that in a future episode).
In this episode you’ll hear our full story on how we went from traditional hospital birth with an OBGYN, to a shiny new birthing center with all the bells and whistles, to having our daughter in our very own bedroom.
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“We’re doing it at home!”
That’s the response my husband and I gave when people asked us about our birth plans. 3 months into our pregnancy we decided to ditch the traditional hospital birth with an OBGYN, for a birth that aligned more with the experience we wanted to create for ourselves and our little one. Home birth suited us well, and we dove in. But not without fears, judgements, conversations, decisions, research, planning, and everything else you can imagine.
This podcast is about our home birth journey.
The purpose of this show is simple: To provide empowering conversation around home birth. What we’re setting out to do with the podcast is to create the space for a conscious, loving, raw dialogue around home birth, by sharing our own personal experience and through storytelling, conversations and interviews that give women and families an empowering resource so that they can make the birthing decision that is the best for them.
Listen to the episode to learn more about our story, why we started the show, what you can expect from the show, and how you can be a part of the show (and our journey) as well!
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Here we are, folks. This is the final new episode that we’ll be putting out for Doing It At Home. It’s been a magical 8 years.
We sat down to share some of our thoughts, memories and takeaways with you all.
Thank you for supporting this space, whether you’ve listened to every single episode or this is your first time tuning in, we’re grateful that you’ve been along for the journey.
Much Love,
Sarah and Matthew
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What influences your birth choices?
It’s helpful to look at this, to see what matters to you when it comes to birth, and how you can create a birth environment and culture around you that supports you best.
Today we’re chatting with Martina Cifiello about her birth journey. From a hospital birth with her first child to a birth center with her second to a home birth with her third, Martina walks us through the factors that inspired the changes and evolutions of her births along the way.
Martina shares how supportive and helpful her husband Simone has been over the years as well, taking a team approach to everything.
And fun fact: Martina used the same midwife for her home birth that we had for our home birth, Debbie Schneider of Dawning Life Midwifery. So cool to have that connection!
Things we talk about in this episode: hospital birth, birth center, water birth, Bradley Method, pelvic floor health, birth during COVID, family-centered birth
Links From The Episode:
Martina’s Bradley Method teacher page: http://www.bradleybirth.com/martinacifiello
Martina’s PT page: https://benchmark.urpt.com/locations/marietta-east-cobb/
Offers From Our Awesome Partners:
Needed: https://bit.ly/2DuMBxP - use code DIAH to get 20% off your order
Splash Blanket: https://bit.ly/3JPe1g0 - use code DIAH for 10% off your order
Esembly: https://bit.ly/3eanCSz - use code DIH20 to get 20% off your order
More From Doing It At Home:
Send us your birth story: https://bit.ly/3jOjCKl
Doing It At Home book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3vJcPmU
DIAH Website: https://www.diahpodcast.com/
DIAH Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doingitathome/
DIAH YouTube: https://bit.ly/3pzuzQC
DIAH Merch: www.diahpodcast.com/merch
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Marissa is a mom of 2 from Utica, NY, with both a hospital and home birth story.
Marissa experienced intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) with her first pregnancy. That, along with some early signs of labor made for a hospital birth that included a lot of intervention and fear. The way she sees it, baby Maxwell just wasn’t ready yet.
She planned for a home birth again with baby number two, Miles. With positive reinforcement from resources like Ina May Gaskin and Birth Without Fear, Marissa went into her second birth tuned in to her intuition and gut feeling (and we’re not just talking about the contractions!).
Marissa’s candor and detail with her birth stories compels you to listen and engage. She’s a great example of how to plan the birth you’re intending to create - like finding midwives even when you’re far away from a big city with more options.
We even get a little cameo from surprise guest Maxwell!
Links From The Episode:
Marissa’s blogpost on her home birth - http://myeggiscracked.blogspot.com/2015/08/the-story-of-miles.html
Birth Without Fear - http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/
Ina May Gaskin - http://inamay.com/
Offers From Our Awesome Partners:
Needed: https://bit.ly/2DuMBxP - use code DIAH to get 20% off your order
Splash Blanket: https://bit.ly/3JPe1g0 - use code DIAH for 10% off your order
Esembly: https://bit.ly/3eanCSz - use code DIH20 to get 20% off your order
More From Doing It At Home:
Send us your birth story: https://bit.ly/3jOjCKl
Doing It At Home book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3vJcPmU
DIAH Website: https://www.diahpodcast.com/
DIAH Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doingitathome/
DIAH YouTube: https://bit.ly/3pzuzQC
DIAH Merch: www.diahpodcast.com/merch
Give Back to DIAH: https://bit.ly/3qgm4r9
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