Episódios
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Getting Married with Sandy David
Sandy David has been fat most of her life and grew up with a fat mom who didn’t want to be fat. After an online dating journey and the body trust online course, Be Nourished, Sandy found herself suddenly in a relationship that has since turned into marriage. Sandy’s sharing how she learned to embrace her body and also discovered her love for sex and a desire to find someone who wanted the same thing.
Discover what losing your inhibitions is really all about!
What we’re talking about
How Sandy Discovered Herself & Her Desires When Friends With Benefits Becomes Serious Saying “I Do” In Las VegasHow Sandy Discovered Herself & Her Desires
Sandy became pregnant and married at the age of 19, just after high school. By 30, she found herself single and on Tumblr. It was then that she started following Jess Baker on Instagram and the online course, Be Nourished. After growing up with a mom who was fat, but didn’t like being fat, Sandy discovered a new love for her body because of what it is.
Once Sandy’s son turned 21, she decided it was time to do something for herself. She joined OKCupid with a desire to have sex with men. Receiving 6-10 messages per day, she discovered what having friends with benefits meant and lost all inhibition by being truthful with what she wanted. She found freedom and fulfillment in choosing who she would have sex with.
When Friends With Benefits Becomes More
Sandy shares that she narrowed her selection of men down to 2, but found herself more attracted to Ed who not only lived down the street, but would talk about normal things outside of just sex. Having sex with Ed felt different because he appreciated her body and they began to hang out on a daily basis, but without a commitment. Ed had been honest about his intention of moving out of state within 6 months. Before those 6 months were up, Sandy discovered she’d had a mental shift and started thinking of Ed as something more with feelings for him. When she decided not to see the other guy, she knew that was her cue and asked Ed if he still planned on moving.
Saying “I Do” In Las Vegas
Ed did move, but not to another state...he moved in with Sandy! It’s been 2.5 years now and after contemplating that for them marriage is a legal security in which they could protect themselves financially and medically, they decided it was time to get married. Sandy adds that friends would tell them they were already acting like a married couple and simply saw what they were trying not to see. This past March, Ed and Sandy exchanged vows in Las Vegas.
Sandy shares that after her first marriage, she didn’t want to get married again, but in spending time with Ed and sharing so much in common, she didn’t cringe at the thought of sharing space with him. She hopes everyone gets a change to connect emotionally and physically with another person and enjoy a relationship like they have.
Moved in November. Neither wanted to get married. 2.5 yrs later, now married. What changed mind to get married. For us, marriage means a legal security. Wanted to protect financially and if something were to happen to either of them. Protect their united interests. Friends said we act like we’re married, just do it. People saw what we were trying not to see.
LINKS MENTIONED
Sandy Davdi’s Instagram
Sandy David’s Blog
Chapel of the Flowers
Be Nourished
If you enjoyed this episode and want more, join our FB group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
You can also find Fat Girl Finds Love:
FP Page: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfindslove/
Twitter: @exxxxtrafat
TIMESTAMPS
19:23 - 1936 (13 sec SD) - it just made you feel...what do you really want from me?
23:30 - 24:30 (60 sec SD) - Definitely hasn’t been unicorns farting rainbows...ultimately he decided to stay.
QUOTES
Re: The wedding: I wanted to be comfortable. I didn’t want to wear shoes I’d want to rip off. We had plans...we were getting In N Out Burger when it was all done. SD It hasn’t been unicorns farting rainbows, but we try to always keep the communication open and talk about it, even if it feels uncomfortable. SD I’m not going to lie. I don’t love my body everyday, but I love it for what it is. SD I lost all inhibition in telling people what I wanted. SD You’re here because i want to have sex with you, not because I want to please you. SD I hope everybody gets a chance to be in a relationship like this. To connect emotionally and physically. SD -
Hey Fans and Friends!
I did not manage to get an episode out last week - so much is a foot. There are 2 things happening.
The weekly schedule is not working well for me as a producer (and mom, biz owner and partner). And I've been given some powerful feedback about privilege and intersectionality that I'm working to take in. I want to be intersectional and inclusive and supportive. And so I need to slow down and reflect on all that has happened.
So we are going to slow down. For the remaining episodes that we have recorded we will be switching to an every-other-week schedule. And when these recorded episodes run out, we'll be taking a break.
I just wanted to give you a heads up and send you tons and tons of love. I have been loving doing these interviews and connecting with all of you.
Sexual Freedom with Leah Carey
Host of the Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast and sexual communication coach, Leah Carey is sharing her thoughts on the importance of sexual freedom and how she spent most of her life being a “very good girl.” Finding sex was boring or painful, Leah didn’t know she could ask for anything different. Listen to Leah’s journey to breaking that pattern and how she’s now passionate about breaking fear and shame for women.
It’s time to explore what you want and deserve!
What we’re talking about
Trauma Isn’t Always Physical Leah’s Journey To Sexual Freedom Body Positivity & Body NeutralityTrauma Isn’t Always Physical
Growing up, Leah was told by her dad that she was fat, ugly and no one would ever love her. As she became an adult, she discovered that these were not inherent truths about herself but she couldn’t see that because she had been believing in what was said to her. As an adult, Leah believed in her brokenness in part because of the sex she had in her life which was either painful or simply not sensational. Leah shares that not all trauma is physical. She hadn’t been physically abused, but her memories were enough to cause trauma and create coping mechanisms that she created as a child and carried on as an adult.
Leah doesn’t do trigger warnings when it comes to her podcast or content because she feels they’re overused and don’t give the message that people are stronger than they think. Every one of us is stronger than the trauma we’ve experienced.
Leah’s Journey To Sexual Freedom
Having little to no sexual sensation, Leah got to a place in life where she felt there should be pleasure when having sex and discovered tantric massage in which people with vaginas were able to re-find sensation. She booked herself a 3 hour session and discovered that her pleasure signals were not getting to her brain, but her body, nervous system and sexual responses were all normal. She was not broken! And with that discovery, a door which had been slammed shut years before was suddenly opened back up.
Leah went on a mission to find pleasure and on a solo trip around the country, she started posting and replying to Craigslist personal ads which led to threesomes and other adventures she’d been curious about. Part of Leah’s journey involved going to Hedonism and to her surprise, she found that she fit right in and that no one had a perfect body. The people who are most attractive and sexy are those who happily inhabit their bodies. The level of sexiness of a woman has absolutely nothing to do with the size of her body and everything to do with how she inhabits her body.
Body Positivity & Body Neutrality
Briana describes what it means to be fat positive, which is being comfortable with the word “fat.” Leah comes from a sex positive Portland community in which their goal isn’t body positivity, but body neutrality. Leah shares that it’s not about fawning over our bodies, but getting to the point that we are ok with our bodies, just as we are ok with having fingernails. It’s working towards not obsessing with any part of your body or your body overall and finding accepting in what it is and does for you.
Leah's Important Question: Are you 5% braver than you were last week?
LINKS MENTIONED
Leah Carey’s Website
Good Girls Talk About Sex Podcast
Good Girls Talk About Sex Facebook
Good Girls Talk About Sex Instagram
Good Girls Talk About Sex YouTube
If you enjoyed this episode and want more, join our FB group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
You can also find Fat Girl Finds Love:
FP Page: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfindslove/
Twitter: @exxxxtrafat
TIMESTAMPS
11:21 - 12:08 (47 sec) LC - No, I think it’s really important...that is not how it works.
16:43 - 17:42 (59 sec LC) there has to be more...you are not broken
QUOTES
I fully believed in my brokenness because of the sex I had in my life. LC I don’t do trigger warnings. I think you’re stronger than the trauma you’ve experienced. LC You’ll go as far, as fast as you’re ready for. LC Not all trauma is physical. LC The level of sexiness of a woman has absolutely nothing to do with the size of her body and everything to do with how she inhabits her body. LC My goal isn’t about body positivity, it’s about body neutrality. LC You just need to be 5% braver than you were last week. LC Trigger warnings are overused because they’re not giving people the message that they’re stronger than they think. LC -
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This episode is a throw back to the Exxxxtraordinary podcast (our previous brand) with the intention of not putting out new content this week in support of supporting Black Lives Matters and other melanated content creators (ie black and brown folks including black, indigenous people of color). We see you. And we stand with you!
We talk about:
- Going from monogamy to sharing deeply to divorce to partnership
- Deep diving into polyamory
- Deep diving into the BDSM scene in North Carolina
- Sweetness’s husband moving in with someone else
- Staying married through metamors and changing living situation
- Briana “there's these huge shifts that happen in our relationships.
And, um, often they go on an acknowledged”
Sweetness: “we realize that we're not, we're not the same people that we were at different points of our marriage”
Shifting financial entanglements along with the domestic ones Changing body sizes and coming to terms with shame and being fatBriana: And we have a cultural story about self sacrifice, right? That's what mothers should be doing. And it’s horseshit.”
Being sex positive and having grandkids Being anxious being at a sex-cation Stereotypes in the swinger community and in coming to Desire Partner who is gender non-conforming Dealing with not being able to find clothes and lingerie that fit well. And much much more!Resources:
Resources: “The Ethical Slut: by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy https://www.akpress.org/ethicalslut.html
More Than Two https://www.morethantwo.com/
Tristan Taormino http://tristantaormino.com/ “Sex Out Loud” podcast
Life on the Swingset https://www.lifeontheswingset.com/category/podcast/swingset/If you enjoyed this episode and want more, join our FB group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
You can also find Fat Girl Finds Love:
FP Page: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfindslove/
Twitter: @exxxxtrafat
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Fat and Fertility with Nicola Salmon #12
Nicola Salmon is a fat-positive fertility coach and acupuncturist that has helped women around the world to find their path to something they’ve wanted their entire lives...parenthood. Today she talks with us about her journey to this inspiring career, and what she feels is one of the most crucial steps in helping her clients achieve their dream.
This information-packed episode is one you won’t want to miss!
What we’re talking about
Growing Up With the Shame of Being Fat Trauma and How It Led to Becoming A Fat-Positive Fertility Coach Embracing Her Own Fat Identity and Helping Other Bigger Bodied Women Get PregnantGrowing Up With the Shame of Being Fat
Nicola lays it all out there with how it felt to grow up bigger, and feeling “different” than her peers. As young as age 8-9, she realized that she wasn’t the same as her friends. She was “bigger.” She was pressured to do things to get “healthy” (aka: lose weight), but Nicola accepted her size, and came to her “fat identity” at this age even with external pressure to see the number on the scale get smaller. At age 16 she was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), and told she would never be able to have children.
Trauma and How It Led to Becoming A Fat-Positive Fertility Coach
When Nicola was just out of university, she was living in London. She was soundly asleep when a man was shot on her doorstep, and bullets flew just inches above her window. This led to PTSD, and, in her search for healing, she discovered acupuncture. The acupuncture was a game changer, helping to relieve her PTSD, and spurring her interest to help others with this tool. Her natural interest in PCOS and hormones led her to become a trained fertility coach.
Embracing Her Own Fat Identity and Helping Other Bigger Bodied Women Get Pregnant
Even though Nicola did not struggle with becoming pregnant, it was after delivering her own child that she not only embraced her fat identity, but she wanted to help other bigger bodied women to achieve their dream of parenthood as well. She focuses on finding supportive healthcare professionals, mental and physical aspects of how being fat affects the goal of becoming pregnant, and creating a positive mindset to set your body up for success.
LINKS MENTIONED
Nicola Salmon on Instagram
Nicola Salmon on Facebook
Nicola Salmon’s Website
Fat and Fertile by Nicola Salmon
Fat Girl Finds Love Facebook Group
TIMESTAMPS
20:23 - 21:15 (52 sec NS) For a lot of people, when they’re going through fertility...not getting enough intake for your body. 25:24 - 25:57 (33 sec NS) One of the things I recommend...we should be looking at and focusing on. 28:26 - 29:11 (44 sec NS) I would suggest that they spend some time...they don’t want to miss that opportunity to make a baby. 31:46 - 32:20 (34 sec NS) Really figuring out what we believe...it just helps things fit together better.QUOTES
Weight is meant to fluctuate. It’s meant to fluctuate throughout the day, throughout our menstrual cycle, throughout our lifetime. - NS Making sure we’re getting all our needs met, and making sure that we’re taking care of those needs both sexual and non-sexual intimacy needs is really important. NS In order to advocate for yourself, you have to, at some level, believe you’re worth advocating for. BCA mindset is a really critical component of being able to have a joyful, pleasurable life. If you’re worried all the time, you’re not going to see the joy coming at you. You’re not going to be able to be in the moment & be joyful. BC
If you enjoyed this episode and want more, join our FB group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
You can also find Fat Girl Finds Love:
FP Page: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfindslove/
Twitter: @exxxxtrafat
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"It's funny how that works, when you have a desire. It just comes back stronger and stronger and stronger." Dalia Kinsey
We're in a bit of transition with our show notes. We just hired someone to help. So there are tons of details coming.
For now you can reach Dalia:
www.schoolnutritiondietitian.com
School Nutrition Podcast (iTunes)
School Nutrition Podcast (Spotify)
Follow Dalia on Facebook Instagram LinkedIn
If you enjoyed this episode and want more, join our FB group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
You can also find Fat Girl Finds Love:
FP Page: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfindslove/
Twitter: @exxxxtrafat
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In this episode I hung out with one of my favorite folks: Gloria Jackson Nefertiti! We’ve been online friends for 20+ years and only this year met in person! Wild, huh?
We talk about:
Polyamory and having non-hierarchical relationships
Bisexuality and both being bisexual
Racism is poly community
Being valued and loved
Oh and WoMBaTs! Come find out what a WoMBaT is!
Bio
Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti is a polyamory educator, bisexual activist, and sex geek who is available for panel discussions and presentations on responsible non-monogamy, bisexuality, transcending shame, and abuse in the poly and sex-positive communities. She has done presentations and panel discussions at various schools, colleges, and conferences all over the United States and Canada, including Loving More/Poly Living (Denver, CO and Philadelphia, PA), SF BiCon (San Francisco and Oakland, CA), West Coast Bound Kink Conference (Coquitlam, BC), and ConvergeCon (Vancouver, BC). She has been fascinated by relationships and sexuality as long as she can remember, even during her fundamentalist xtian days. She is also a breast cancer survivor, published poet, public speaker, singer, photographer, performance artist and long-time artists’ model. You can learn more about Gloria from the following articles: #WomanCentered: GLORIA JACKSON-NEFERTITI - part of a series of interviews seeking to tell the inspiring, interconnected stories of women’s reproductive health, rights, and empowerment (PART ONE https://tinyurl.com/yat9pgpb and PART TWO https://tinyurl.com/y7ur8puu), and “Life with Two Boyfriends: Inside a Polyamorous Relationship” https://tinyurl.com/y73fgsow.
You can find Gloria on
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/GloriaJacksonNefertiti
Twitter https://twitter.com/gloriajn
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/gloriajacksonnefertiti/
Her website, Not Gloria Jean http://notgloriajean.net/
Gloria lives in Seattle, WA.
If you enjoyed this episode and want more, join our FB group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
You can also find Fat Girl Finds Love:
FP Page: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlfindslove/
Twitter: @exxxxtrafat
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In this episode we talk with Kitty Kintsugi - our first Wombat!
- We talk about bisexuality and coming out as bi
- Being a mental health practitioner and trauma
- Kink and finding herself being in a kink relationship
- playing publicly and privately
- Being a Wombat and the beginning of a trans inclusive bisexual women's email list in the 1990's.
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Dalia Kinsey joins us again this week! Sorry we're a bit late this week. There's a lot going on (as you all know)!
This week really focus on:
Our week. How things are going podcasting in the times of pandemic
how Covid is affecting Dalia and I.
And then we talk about trolls. We are looking for a guest to come on and talk about trolls! Is that you? Reach out to us! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FatGirlFindsLovePod
And join us in the community! Fat Girls Finds Love FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fatgirlfindslove/
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Lindsey, the brains and bod behind Fat Body Pilates, was introduced to the concept of fat acceptance on Livejournal in the late 90s. Discovering a movement that didn’t view her body as something to apologize for was incredibly affirming, and she has remained connected to the cause across a variety of social media platforms and in her local Minneapolis/St. Paul community.
Lindsey began practicing Pilates in 2016 at the suggestion of a physical therapist and quickly recognized the benefits of the method, despite a culture that struck her as exclusive of individuals in larger bodies. In 2017 she began her Pilates teacher training through Balanced Body. Her Fat Body Pilates Instagram account was created in 2019 in response to the lack of body diversity in Pilates imagery.
In her free time, when she’s not on her reformer forgetting to count her repetitions, Lindsey can be found curled up with her cats, a cup of tea, and a good book, gardening, or traveling with her partner. Follow her on Instagram: @fatbodypilates.
In this episode we talk about:
- How she found her fat identity- Fatshionistas on Livejournal
- How she got started in pilates
- She and her husband doing pilates
- How pilates is set up for thin people
- How lineage contributes to thin gaze and the idea that this is only for thin people
- Lindsey being an example of a fat person who is doing the work
- Financial privilege in being able to go to classes regularly and working to change access for more bodies in pilates
- Using her body to show people that more is possible with pilates, and fatness!
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Sex-cation, Libido and Getting Some!
Guest interview day! Interview with Jessica from Toronto!
Jessica is a fat burlesque dancer, fat pole dancer and awesome fat women who was at our sex-cation with Swingset Takes Desire in Cancun this fall!
We talk about:
Coming out as bisexual. You can just have sex with women and not necessarily date them and that’s ok! Event drop. It’s real yo’! Having a sad. Being all in at the resort Other sex positive resorts and getting comfy being naked in a fat body. Finding a sexy resort for the first time! Dieting eats your life, time, energy and effort. “If only” with dieting – before being “fat” Fat pole dancing! “Comparison is the thief of joy!” Moms that’s diet and how that is. Food policing Finding clothes Periods of low libido Married and opening your relationship Transitioning into polyamory Work playing havoc with your libido Relationship dry spells “being valued as a human being makes a huge difference in whether you feel turned on” Talk ab out being awkward. Talk about gang bangs And a gang bang with no penetration! -
Here’s another episode with Briana and Dalia.
Dalia Kinsey is a School Nutrition Specialist and Health at Every Size Registered Dietitian on a mission to make health accessible to all by encouraging body respect and joyful movement.
You can follow Dalia on IG, FB, or LinkedIn:
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/schoolnutritionrd/
Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/schoolnutritionrd/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daliakinsey/
We talked about:
What we talk about our coping mechanisms
We watch TV
What life with covid is like in a semi rural Georgia
People are using “faith” instead of social distancing
The toilet paper situation
What life with covid is like in the Bay Area
Quotes
That everyone is terrified, maybe even more than they're afraid of dying. They're afraid of looking like you. We don't need that right now. I think we have enough stress going on. -Dalia The fact is that people's unspoken bias and bias that they're not going to declare to their coworkers or sat loud will play a role in who gets treatment. -DaliaIt's like, I want people to know that seriously, whatever you're feeling, whatever is, it's just super normal. Yeah. If you're depressed and you're drinking your feelings or your eating your feelings as super normal, right? That's super normal. There's nothing wrong with you -Briana
The intensity that it takes to be able to continue to stand up over and over and over again and say, look, I don't want to be the butt of your joke period. - Briana
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Title: BDSM, Kink, Power play and Relationship Anarchy
It says it’s part 2 but we don’t know where part 1 went so… yeah. Here’s the juicy stories about playing in the dungeon!
Tonya is a fat women relationship anarchist who lives in Florida.
We talk about:
-What is relationship anarchy
- “I don't want to limit or try to define any relationship.” Tonya
- Some of my relationships are defined. I have a husband. We've been together 13 years.
- “And if my friends, John and Joe, who have been together for 20 fucking years, if they can't get married, I'm not going to get married because it's bullshit. And then of course, as soon as gay marriage happened, everybody asks me, Tanya, when are you getting married? I'm like, fuck you. I'm not getting married. I'm just not getting married. And then we got married.”
- Dungeon night!
- Community and staying connected through out the year!
- An anal fisting scene
- A little bit of sex magic!
- How we deal with having different level of safer sex protection levels.
- Feeling honored in our safer sex conversations
- HSV and how Tonya talks about genital herpes.
- Safer sex testing and privilege
- STI and other risky behavior
- STIs can be treated
- Questions to ask yourself before going out into sexy situations.
- “I want fat people to feel good and feel like they are just as entitled to feeling good in their bodies and sexually as anyone else, including as entitled as sexist and people.”
- A lot about how awesome Tristan Taoromino sexoutloud.com – she’s amazing!
- References to Cooper and Dylan from Life on the Swingset.
- A lot of details about squiriting and being in service to the goddess that is Tristan Taromino.
- Most women do not have orgasms from penetration alone!
- Talk to you partner about everything!!
- “So. Orgasm hasn't been a focus for me for a really long time. I don't really masturbate because I have carpal tunnel and my wrist and vibrators just weren't doing it for me”
- Different kinds of orgasms!
- Kink and power play: We went to our area and got set up and she said, you're going to sit here, and we discussed my body and what it can and can't do,
- “and we talked about what her expectations were and that, you know, I was going to serve her and I call her ma'am and she was going to put me in a collar and was I okay with that?”
- “And she was adamant, absolutely adamant that at any point, if I became physically uncomfortable or had any pain or any issues with anything. I was to let her know immediately and she said, because if you can't serve me in the way that I need to be served, then that displeases me.”
- “I'm not real good with measurement, you know, I mean, men, my whole life had been telling me this is eight inches.”
- “That you can have all these connections and all these different ways and they, they don't look like, you know, what, what mainstream people, you know, connections are kind of quote unquote supposed to look like.”
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Lindley Ashline (pronounced LIN-lee, she/her) creates artwork that celebrates the unique beauty of bodies that fall outside conventional "beauty" standards. Lindley is also the creator of Body Liberation Stock and the Body Love Box, a monthly body-acceptance subscription box. She lives outside Seattle with her husband and two feline overlords.
Find Lindley's work and get her free weekly Body Liberation Guide at http://bit.ly/bodyliberationguide.
Social links:
FB: https://www.facebook.com/bodyliberationphotos
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bodyliberationwithlindleyToday we talked about:
Live Journal and Fatshionista Coming up in Fat Fashion “The higher up including size as you go, the harder it's going to be to access the same level of style.” The magic of fashion People not understanding sizes and not being able to think above a size XL. There are lots of sizes of people. Many more than on tv or in the media. Representation matters! The importance of being in diet talk free spaces. The importance of telling our stories and being seen. Lots of deeply personal stories about being photographed and being seen.Transcripts and more at www.fatgirlfindslove.com
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Welcome to Fat Girl Finds Love
Meet Your Hostess Briana Cavanaugh
This is an interview by Dalia Kinsey of School Nutrition, Dietician podcast of Briana Cavanaugh, hostess of Fat Girl Finds Love.
Dalia will be a frequent guest and occasional co-host! She’s awesome! We do an interview of Dalia a bit later in the series, but her bio and links are included here so you can find her if you need her!
In this episode we talk about:
Dalia lives in Georgia and Briana lives in California
-My vital stats
-Age, race, identities
-Why do we use the word fat?
-Finding my fat identity
-Going to NOLOSE for the first time and what it felt like to spend time with fat people
-How sex positive spaces are not fat positive and what does that actually mean?
-being able to get more voices heard and get my work around relationships, love sex, and relationships
- Do they want fat people there?
- The Racist origins of dieting
- “Fearing the black body, the racial origins of fatphobia" by Sabrina Strings on The Nod: https://gimletmedia.com/shows/the-nod/o2hwbb
-“if you're going to do something that's not the patriarchy, what are you going to do.
- Hanne Blank’s “Big, Big Love” book
- You get to have choice about your relationship.
-“ it's time that we have the lives that we want to live now.”
- How are we having pleasure in our lives now? Pleasure is a game changer. As soon as you have enough pleasure everything changes.
Join us at fatgirlfindslove.com
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Sex-cation interview with Matie! This is a really fun episode with Matie Fricker of Self Serve Toys! It was recorded while we were at Desire Riviera Maya – a swinger resort. We were there on a takeover of the resort with The Swingset Takes Desire. We get deep in it and talk about so may sweet and sexy things.
Self-Serve Toys was kind enough to give us a promo code: Exxxxtraordinary
and listeners will get 20% off!
Matie Fricker is a smut peddling sweetheart with a deep love for the odd and tender. She owns Albuquerque’s best sex shop, Self Serve Toys. Self Serve is a shiny bubble of love and safety for those seeking pleasure and joy in their lives. One of her proudest accomplishments was causing Rush Limbaugh to say “female orgasm” on-air multiple times. Matie has been awarded the 2008 Tough Cookie Award from the National Association for Women Business Owners, Best Sexy Shop in ABQ’s Alibi Weekly Newspaper for 13 years and Albuquerque Pride’s Outstanding Retail Store Award. http://selfservetoys.com
Here’s the highlights!
In finding her fat identity:
Overcoming child sexual abuse Coming out as queer Touching a girl’s hand for the first time Learning to feel hunger for sex and eat again “I’m so sure that you’re wrong that your body is wrong. I am 100% confident that you’re wrong about hating your body” Mattie FrickerVirgie Tovar’s “You Have the Right to Remain Fat” https://www.feministpress.org/books-n-z/you-have-the-right-to-remain-fat
“We deserve to be treated well” – Briana Cavanaugh The tension of “the good fatty role” v the “good activist role” Food is not poison. My relationship with my body has to be a practice. And my relationship with food has to be a practice. I love your feelings Secrets and being healthy or unhealthy Resources: The Body is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor https://www.sonyareneetaylor.com/books Not having to earn love.About Fat SEX!
“Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds” by adrienne maree brown “Pleasure Activism” also by adrienne maree brown Standing up to a fat fetishist at sex party Mattie: I want somebody to tell me that I... they love how they love how heavy I am. They love how things feel. They love, they want to, they want to f^&*( me until I juggle… but respectfully. Care about having sex with fat people. Touch us and listen to us. Sex Out Loud podcast with Tristan Taormino http://tristantaormino.com/sex-out-loud/about/ All bodies are good bodies, deserving of love, exactly as they are. This is what my body looks like when it’s not aroused and you have to add arousal. It was so cool to use my body to teach. It was so cool to teach the whole time I was having an orgasm! We help each other feel safe. “Curvy Girl Sex” by Elle Chase: https://shevibe.com/curvy-girl-sex-by-elle-chase.aspx Matie is awesome! You can find Matie at https://www.selfservetoys.com/ -
Christine lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and, although busy, is always looking for new friends, community, and activity partners! If you'd like to get in touch, the best way is to send her a Facebook message or friend request (https://www.facebook.com/Xine.story) You may also email her at [email protected] for a slower response. Also @RainyDayMondays on Instagram
This was recorded at Desire Riviera Maya in Cancun. My sweetheart and I were there with the folks from Life on the SwingSet for a little event they call “Swingset takes Desire.” Desire is a swinger resort in Cancun Mexico that is taken over by a group of what I think of as freaks and queers: poly, swinger, kinky, queer, sex positive folks. Some new folks, lots of returners.
I interviewed several people and this is one of those. They are a bit out of recording order because of various logistics like getting people’s bios and so on so ignore all that. These were recorded with my iPhone so I’ve done my best with the sound quality.
Also the episode references Nomy Lamm – queer, fat icon. Who happens to be one of the fat queers that I also connected with in another place in Fat community. I met met Nomy at https://nolose.org/
I reached out to her to see if she wanted to comment and this is what she said:
“hi briana! this sounds amazing. my website is www.nomyteaches.com.
you could also mention that I'm the creative director for Sins Invalid - sinsinvalid.org. also if people want access to the first issue of my zine (released in 1993!) here is a link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxM9mTeuGlNaUm5ScUtDNkVXc0k/view?usp=sharing “
So now you can reach out to Nomy and her work and see what a bad ass she is too!
Also she’ll hopefully be on an upcoming episode and you can hear her yourselves! Now on to the show snippets!
How did you become sex positive? Christine: Oh, I was always a horny little slut. On her partner struggling: not being able to communicate well meant that he didn't have the words to describe how he felt or really to identify it so it was hard to talk about. “Actually all, all of my partners are, are queer men currently, but, um, so he, he's, his main interest is in, in guys like sexually. But he's a varsity cuddler!” On Bi men “There were a lot of men putting their mouths in a lot of places. And we like that!” Queerness and queer invisibility and seeing internalized homophobia. “You know, we didn't know you were queer. We thought you were straight. And he's just like. Well, I have the purple bead, I have the rainbow necklace, I have the rainbow bead. My toenails are painted rainbow. My fingernails are painted. I'm wearing ladies' flip flops. More do I have to do?” We give a lot of love to bi men! “You don't have to be 100% love your body to, to use it in a way that's pleasurable” Also @RainyDayMondays on Instagram
