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"Here I am two years later and I still think about her every day," Mark told Renée, referring to his ex-wife. His first marriage survived his partner's affair and went on to produce two children before ending amicably in divorce. His second marriage came to a much pricklier conclusion, and Mark is still struggling to accept and process its end. He came to the show hoping Renée can help him "get closure and move on." And get this: he specifically wants some guidance around his own relationship behaviors, which he identifies as narcissistic and abusive. You read that right: he wants to discuss his own narcissistic behavior. He and Renée discuss all of it and more, and ultimately they arrive at the answers Mark needs to understand and address his own behaviors as well as to accept the end of his marriage. Mark adds a compelling curveball at the end, and Renée puts an astrological spin on it before she ties it all together with a big, intergenerational, therapeutic bow. From marital rituals to grief rituals to hangover rituals, the conversation gets deep fast and covers loads of content, thanks largely to Mark's brilliant honesty, easy humor, and deft storytelling. (Plus, the intro to this one is extra juicy and all about last week's controversial episode.)
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Edited to add this note from Renée:
Hey there everyone! The feedback on this episode has been intense already. I was aware when we aired it that this would be the case! Our guests are almost exclusively deeply vulnerable and eager for support. Bianca comes to the show in a much different place. So I decided to air this episode to challenge us all -- myself included. How do we find our empathy and desire to help someone who doesn't immediately inspire us to want to help them? If you find yourself frustrated when you listen to this one, I get it. And I encourage you to go into that frustration and ask yourself why it is. There are some obvious reasons, and then there are some deeper ones. Go deep! Lastly, if you are new to the show, I recommend you go back a few episodes to start. This one is a better listen once you are familiar with the format of the show. I love you all! - renée
Bianca went from feeling herself and living her dream life as a dancer in L.A. to losing herself in the chaos of new motherhood during Covid lockdown. Now, she finds herself sorting the leftover pieces of a broken relationship, specifically the shame and self-consciousness she learned from her ex-partner's critical voice. Bianca's only objective when she came to the show was to tell her story - and she has a lot to say! Fortunately for us, she is an engaging storyteller. And at the end of Bianca's beautifully thorough narrative, Renée surprises her by dropping some existential bombs, connecting Bianca's past to her present and giving her an entirely new way to think about her future. It's well worth the wait to hear the pieces come together.Support the show
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"I think I'm just a temporary person," Michee told Renée, explaining that she has never felt prioritized by friends or family. She describes her childhood as "toxic and abusive," with a controlling, unpredictable father and a loving but absent mother. She has struggled with all of her relationships, whether platonic, familial, or romantic, and insists that she "wasn't someone people cared much for." You need to hear Michee for only a few minutes to know that this can't be true. She is smart, funny, gracious, forgiving, talented, honest, resilient - she is extraordinary. Then why are her relationships so dysfunctional? This is one of the questions Michee and Renée explore and answer. They also talk about how to hold boundaries and empathy at the same, how to safely excavate repressed emotions, and, at the end of the episode, why Michee struggles to say no to unwanted physical touch. Don't sleep on Michee; her humor is sneaky! She cracks Renée up several times. In exchange, Renée helps her find the way out of the depression and codependency that has kept her stuck.
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When Bobby applied to be a guest on the show, he wanted help resolving the leftover emotional wounds from his childhood, which he described as one of "constant chaos, instability, and... abuse." Despite some intense breakthroughs in talk therapy, strands of trauma remained. But get this: a few days before he recorded his episode, Bobby had a life-changing Ayahuasca journey that healed those wounds. And that's not the only fascinating part of Bobby's story. He tells Renée about all of it, from growing up and coming out as a gay man in a hyper-masculine community to the estrangement and reconciliation he navigated with each of his family members to the cataclysmic psychedelic experience that healed his emotional wounds - and more. Renée narrates the therapeutic pieces and shares some details from her own psychedelic experiences, and in the end she gives Bobby a plan to start healing his body now that his mind and soul are well. Bobby is a fantastic storyteller with a story that's intense, dramatic, full of happy endings, and a lot of fun.
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"Emotions were a taboo thing in my house," Alyssa said when Renée asked about her childhood. And, get this: Alyssa is now a therapist. She raised in an invalidating environment by an emotionally misattuned mother and often absent father, but since then Alyssa has made it her job, literally and figuratively, to honor her sensitivity and sharpen her insight. She has done both and beyond, yet she still struggles to release her anger over the circumstances of her recent divorce, and for good reason. Renée helps her get to the bottom of it, and in the process they untangle Alyssa's complicated relationship with her mom and unresolved grief around her dad. That's not it, either! This is a fast-paced, punchy, and content-rich episode!
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Dan grew up in an abusive household with perfectionist parents who often asked him, "Why can't you be normal?" Not only did Dan feel misunderstood and disconnected at home, but he also struggled in social situations; his childhood was lonely. Now, at 41 years old, Dan has a loving wife, a happy daughter, and a new understanding of his neurodivergence. What he doesn't have is a sense of peace about his parents. That's where Renée comes in. She and Dan sort out his wounds and triggers, and in the process they talk about all sorts of stuff, including online dating, cycle breaking, and finding purpose. Renée gives Dan hope that he can finally silence his father's critical voice in his head, and Dan gives everyone a master class in corrective emotional experiences. (Plus, there's an anxiety tutorial in the intro!)
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Last week's guest, Annette, shared with us late in the episode that she is in an abusive relationship, one that she is not quite ready to leave. So many people were moved by Annette's story, and some of those people reached out to Renée with questions about why it can be so hard to leave an abusive partner. Renée had planned to address the questions in this week's intro - and then Brandi came to the show. "I'm not afraid to talk about it anymore. I need to talk about it," she said. Brandi's beautiful bravery is brilliantly timed. She recently left her husband for the 5th time, and she comes to the show to tell her story, a perfect follow-up to last week's conversation. Brandi takes us through the details, and then Renée breaks down the layers of trauma, domestic violence, addiction, and grief to outline Brandi's path forward. Plus, Guest Co-Host Ashley shares some of her own story, one that is at times startlingly similar to Brandi's. There's a lot of trauma and a lot of healing in this episode, an unintentional but fitting Part Two to Annette's Part One. And don't worry, there still manages to be plenty of nonsense; the episode ends with a mini stand-up routine. You know, the usual.
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"I have so many stories for you, you don't even know," Annette tells Renée early in this episode. And, wow, was she right. Fortunately for all of us, Annette is hilarious and smart and tells her story perfectly. This makes it easy for Renée to find places to go - so much so that a conversation that Annette had expected would be about one aspect of her childhood trauma becomes a much deeper and more complex dive. Annette and Renée cover a lot of topics as they explore her story, from promiscuity to polyamory to why self-love is so elusive. And make no mistake: this is an intense one, a roller-coaster narrative that takes an unexpected deep and dark dive into the present at the end. Somehow it's a lot of fun, too, once again thanks to Annette's engaging openness. Renée is able to not only find hope in Annette's story but also give her practical steps towards finally separating her present from her past, much to Annette's surprise.
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Lisa ordered diet pills through the mail when she was 15 years old, and that order became the cornerstone of a decades long eating disorder. She has completed an inpatient eating disorder treatment program, she attends ongoing outpatient therapy, and still she falls back into disordered eating whenever her stress is unmanageable. Lisa has worked hard, and she is tired of shrinking herself. She comes to the show hoping Renée can help her figure out how to stop battling herself and her body. Renée goes looking for what Lisa's treatment missed, and in the process she and Lisa discuss relationships, parts work, psychedelics, why relapses are helpful, and why traditional eating disorder treatment just doesn't work. By the end, Lisa knows what needs to heal, and Renée shows her how to get there.
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On the heels of Andre's punchy episode, Tolu changes the tempo this week. If André was pop punk, Tolu is smooth jazz. His voice is gentle and comforting, and his spirit matches. Tolu doesn't have a childhood trauma story to tell, but he does have a problem he needs help with, and it just happens to involve one of Renée's favorite topics: meddling moms. Despite a childhood he calls "fun" and the easy awareness that his mom loves him, Tolu, now 29, finds himself dreading contact with her. What's going on? Enmeshment is the name of the game, and Renée gets in there and sorts the boundary problems and solutions, while Tolu tries to get Renée and Ashley to talk about themselves - and succeeds a few times. Ultimately, Renée and Tolu not only conduct a master class on boundaries, they also discuss how to navigate unbalanced romantic and platonic relationships and the relationship between codependency and social anxiety. Renée gives Tolu concrete strategies for managing all of it, Tolu gives us all reasons to root for him.
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Andre is a 47 year-old father of three who is "tired of being in survival mode." He comes to the show hoping Renée can help him resolve his persistent anxiety. And she can, but not before she and Andre discuss his childhood trauma, his first wife's death from cervical cancer, racism, parenting, stand-comedy, grief, and more. Andre has a complicated story, and he is brilliant at telling it, which makes it easy for them to unravel the persistent knot that has lived in his body for decades. Andre is as funny as he is vulnerable, much to Renée's delight. He basically takes over the last third of the episode and teaches a master class that is beautifully wise and hilarious all at once - much like Andre himself.
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"I'm just terrified to get close to anyone right now," Elio told Renée early in their conversation. When you hear their story, you will easily understand their terror. Elio wasn't sure what they wanted from coming on the show, but they certainly gave Renée plenty to work with. There have been a series of hard hits in Elio's short life, and yet their spirit is bright and infectious; they inspire Renée to carve out some healing within overwhelming circumstances. Elio's playfulness makes it easy for Renée to navigate their intense content, and the two of them cover a lot of topics - sexuality, social anxiety, survival, schools...these are only a few. It's a juicy episode with an inspiring guest and no shortage of laughs, thanks to Elio's inexplicably lovely energy.
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This episode starts with a few different bouts of uproarious laughter, and this definitely sets the tone for the episode. There is a lot of laughing, thanks to both our hilarious guest, Jenny, and also our inimitable guest co-host, Victoria. Jenny is beautifully colorful. Her stories are colorful, her language is colorful, her life is colorful. From selling cannabis cookies to medical students to selling real estate at the top of the field, she has put her impressive drive to good use. Renée does her best to keep Jenny's boundless energy on task, and eventually she finds the well of darkness underneath the laughter. Jenny has endured and witnessed some deeply disturbing things, and yet she has never been to therapy. A recent violent experience has reactivated her older, unresolved trauma, and, having stuffed the trauma away for years, she now finds herself struggling with rage and reactivity. She has come to the show hoping Renée can help. Renée does an in-depth analysis of Jenny's anger and maps out the steps she can take to find peace. This one starts out absurdly fun, travels through some intense pain, and comes back to laughter at the end.
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Kristin was kidnapped when she was 3 years old. Let's just start there. Unfortunately, it doesn't end there. In her 37 years of life, Kristin has endured almost every type of trauma one can imagine - attachment, sexual, medical, financial - and she has lived in over 40 different places, including prison. Her story would be hard to believe if Kristin weren't so beautifully honest and vulnerable as she narrates it. So while her story is tragic and shocking, Kristin herself is inspiring. And in between the tragic and shocking, her conversation with Renée also manages to be laugh-out-loud funny. Kristin comes to the show hoping Renée can answer one question: After having been hurt so many times in so many ways, how can she trust again? Renée gives Kristin an answer and a plan, and Kristin gives us a story you'll never forget.
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Hey there, everyone. Renée here. As requested, I am back this week as the guest to take you on a wild ride through my romantic relationship history. Just a reminder that unlike our normal weekly episodes, those with me as the guest build on one another. So if you haven't yet listened to Episodes 60 and 67, go back and listen to those first - this one will make much more sense once you have. Likewise, if you're new to the podcast, don't start here! This isn't our normal format. As for the rest of you, well, you know the drill. This one comes to you with no preparation, no editing, and no shame. You've been warned. See you on the other side!
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Yolanda grew up fearing two things, God and her mother, and she had the anxious, people-pleasing behavior to show for it! After losing her dad at 18, however, Yolanda ditched her "good girl" role for the first time. She has been back and forth ever since: between rules and rebellion, between partners, between versions of herself. Now in her 40's, Yolanda comes to the show to ask Renée, "How did I fall into this pattern again?" To get to an answer, Renée follows Yolanda through her relationship history - and it is a juicy rollercoaster of a narrative. Yolanda not only has a compelling story to tell, she's a captivating storyteller. By the end, Renée takes all the twists and turns and ups and downs and makes sense of them, much to Yolanda's surprise and delight. Ultimately, Yolanda has an answer to her question, and her rawness and charm mean everyone else has a great time on the way there.
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When Kenny was in middle school, he participated in his first drive-by shooting. Not long after, he went to prison for the first time; ultimately he would serve 28 years. He was released 7 months ago and has come to the show to tell his story. Kenny and Renée talk about all of it - murder, Maslow, family, gangs, grief, and more. Despite the devastating trauma he unfolds, Kenny makes Renée laugh quite a bit. Renée captures the psychological strands and gets Kenny started on a healing path, while Kenny's honesty and intelligence make for a fascinating conversation.
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"The more people that know, the better," Leanne told Renée after she narrated her devastating experiences as a patient in the Troubled Teen Industry, a network of therapeutic boarding schools and treatment centers that she first entered at 12 years old. This is the first time Leanne is telling her entire story; she only recently began telling it at all. And despite an understandable bout of stage fright beforehand, she not only tells her story but also delivers a gripping cautionary tale that exposes the web of corruption and greed at the heart of these systematically abusive "therapeutic" centers. Plus, she does all of this with a wisdom and fluency that belie her 19 years of age. Leanne came to the podcast to educate others, and also she came to ask Renée one critical question: "How do I move forward?"
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By age 7, Jojo had already faced the very adult ideas of murder and self-loathing. Now in her early 20s, she is grounded, healing, and absolutely lovely. The story of how she arrived at said loveliness is fascinating, and lucky for us, she is here to tell it. She is here also to ask Renée why, after so much healing, she still struggles so desperately with confidence. They talk families, psychedelics, racism, and lateral violence before identifying the wound that keeps Jojo stuck and developing a plan to resolve it.
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Vivian and her story are both so compelling that they defy summary. She is hilarious and engaging - and she has been through unthinkable trauma. Fortunately, she has a brilliant therapist and a seemingly bottomless well of resilience. What she doesn't have, however, is a way out of her current emotional predicament. She comes to the podcast hoping Renée has some advice to offer where this predicament is concerned. Guess what? Renée does. Vivian has questions, Renée has answers, and everyone does a lot of laughing.
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