Episódios
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Why are women conditioned to endure pain? Natalie reveals the multitude of reasons she persisted through painful sexual experiences with her husband for 27 years of their marriage. It wasn’t until she discovered Wanting It More that she realized the detrimental extent of what she was subjecting her body and mind to in order to fulfill societal expectations of being a good wife and meeting her husband's needs.
Due to inadequate sexual education and a lack of support, she remained unaware that experiencing pain wasn’t normal until recently. Janna and Natalie delve into the various factors contributing to why women tolerate pain, why they hesitate to seek assistance, and the toll it takes on their relationships. Natalie also shares what she’s learned about genuine intimacy and connection, highlighting significant improvements in her relationship with her husband.
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David’s wife spent years expressing her dissatisfaction with their sex life, repeatedly sharing her feelings, but David remained skeptical. Despite her efforts, he couldn't accept her perspective. Influenced by adult entertainment and misinformation, he believed he was doing everything right, yet she didn't respond as expected, leading him to conclude there was something wrong with her. Throughout their 22 years together, he doubted her words.
Then he stumbled upon Janna’s podcast. Hearing women articulate the same sentiments as his wife and men voicing feelings of shame and unworthiness resonated deeply with him. Finally, he acknowledged the truth of his wife's concerns. He became open to listening and learning.
David reflects on how the misinformation ingrained in his childhood seemed more credible than his wife's expressions. Learning from Janna, he's finally found a pathway to genuine connection and pleasure in his marriage at the age of 65.
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Michele bravely opens up about her tumultuous journey through relationships as a woman in her late 50s. She recounts the harrowing experiences of enduring compulsive lying, cheating, porn and sex addiction, abuse, and a pervasive lack of consent. Amidst the darkness, she discovered a beacon of hope in Janna, whose guidance led Michele on a transformative path towards healing and empowerment.
Michele sheds light on her arduous quest for safety and fulfillment in her current relationship. With Janna's support, she embarks on a profound journey of self-discovery, reclaiming agency over her own desires and experiences. This episode sheds light on the complexities of navigating trauma and rebuilding trust in the pursuit of authentic intimacy and self-empowerment.
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We delve into Raina's journey of rediscovering her desire for sex within her marriage. Despite a healthy upbringing with decent sexual education, positive body image, and safe and secure sexual experiences, Raina found herself losing interest in intimacy with her husband after getting married.
After starting a personal journey which she affectionately calls ‘Raina’s Religious Rebellion’ she began exploring how some of the concepts taught by her church around sex in marriage were harmful. This knowledge allowed her to get mad but didn’t offer real solutions. She started therapy to confront her sexual misgivings, which gave her the why but didn’t fully explain her feelings of low desire. She also had an unexpected hysterectomy, which made her body feel foreign and strange. It wasn’t until Janna’s program that she was able to put all the pieces of her sexual history together and have it make sense, providing her with a comprehensive understanding of her feelings.
Raina shares her ongoing efforts to reconnect with her husband through curious, playful, and meaningful steps, allowing her desire to gradually return. She also talks about her recent hysterectomy, the intricacies of recovery, and her ongoing healing to this day.
REFERENCES:
Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers: Sex, God & the Conservative Church
Sheila Gregoire: The Great Sex Rescue
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When Lisa took the Wanting It More program a couple of years ago, she never imagined the valuable lessons she learned to improve her low libido would also come in handy when confronting a medical issue.
Lisa talks in detail about her struggles with body image anxiety and gynecological exams that accompanied her journey to the diagnosis of Lichen Sclerosus, a rare skin disease that causes itchy and painful patches on the vulva. She shares her insights on coping with the diagnosis, navigating the intricacies of the medical system as a woman, and finding solace from the education she received in WIM. She speaks candidly about how this journey has impacted her body confidence and her intimate relationship with her husband, offering hope and inspiration to those facing similar challenges.
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Kyle’s career in law enforcement defined him as a safe person, dedicating his life to keeping his community and those who live in it safe from harm. Imagine his surprise when he learned the root cause behind his dwindling sex life was because his wife felt unsafe around him. It took him several weeks of coaching with Janna to really understand the meaning of the word unsafe in the context of Wanting It More - his wife felt unsafe to share her true feelings without negative consequences like guilt, shame, or blame. It wasn’t about her physical safety that was causing her low sexual desire; it was the lack of emotional safety.
Through guidance from Janna and reflection on his upbringing, Kyle recognized the impact of societal norms on his behavior. Embracing accountability and growth through the Wanting It More program, Kyle transformed his approach, prioritizing emotional connection and mutual respect. His commitment revitalized their communication and reignited passion, underscoring the transformative power of fostering emotional safety within relationships and highlighting that change, rooted in empathy and dedication, can lead to profound intimacy and fulfillment in marriage.
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We delve into Laura's journey as a 40-year-old mother of three, navigating the intersection of her strong Christian faith and her sexuality. Growing up with little education about sex, Laura found herself prioritizing her partner's desires in the bedroom while neglecting her own. Struggling to balance her intuition with the teachings of her faith community, she grappled with conflicting messages about love, forgiveness, and sexual morality.
However, a turning point came when Janna encouraged her to trust her intuition in the bedroom, mirroring how she had relied on it in her spiritual practice. Through this newfound perspective, Laura learned to challenge societal norms, embracing her worthiness and agency in her sexual experiences and breaking free from societal expectations to embrace her authentic self. This episode show’s how trusting one's inner voice can lead to greater fulfillment and empowerment in all aspects of life.
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In this podcast episode we meet Nate, a devout Christian and father whose misconceptions about intimacy led to strain in his marriage of 15 years. Raised on media for his sexual education, Nate found himself bewildered by the disparity between his expectations and reality in the bedroom. It wasn't until he and his wife took the Wanting It More program that they uncovered years of unspoken discomfort and miscommunication, prompting Nate to reevaluate the absence of crucial teachings on sexual safety and consent within his Christian upbringing.
Nate's journey underscores the vital role of open communication and understanding in relationships. Through introspection and dialogue, he learned to prioritize his wife's comfort and safety, reshaping his Christian beliefs to embrace a more inclusive and empathetic approach to love and intimacy. Join us as we explore Nate's inspiring story, shedding light on the transformative power of honest conversations and the intersection of spirituality and personal growth.
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Thilla shares her journey as a first-generation Canadian, shaped by her Sri Lankan heritage and North American upbringing. Raised in a family where discussions about sex were taboo and dating was reserved for an arranged marriage, she faced immense pressure and conflicting messages from both cultures. These challenges left her grappling with feelings of shame and guilt surrounding anything sexual.
The pressure intensified after marriage, with cultural expectations focused on starting a family. Struggling with fertility issues, Thilla's desire for sex waned, prompting her to find Janna and the Wanting It More program. Through this journey, she learned to untangle the complex narratives surrounding sex from both cultures, recognizing their negative impact on her sexual desires.
WIM provided Thilla with invaluable insights, enabling her to reshape her approach to sex. By delving into specific details, she reflects on her transformative journey and how she now embraces a healthier perspective on sexuality, liberated from the weight of cultural expectations.
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Join Janna in this conversation filled with healing and hope as we delve into a topic often brushed aside: pornography addiction. She sits down with Justin, who bravely shares his 25-year struggle with excessive porn use and the profound impact it had on his relationships and self-esteem.
Despite being told it's 'normal,' Justin's story sheds light on the dark realities of porn addiction and its detrimental effects on intimacy. He shares his journey from secrecy and shame to vulnerability and healing alongside his wife.
Justin shares:
Why porn can be abusive in relationships. The roots of his out-of-control porn habit. How he used porn to numb emotions and his journey to emotional awareness. Plus, Justin's powerful advocacy for Wanting It More as a crucial part of the healing process.Tune in for a compassionate and validating conversation that reminds us that healing is possible, and no one is alone in their struggles. Let's break the stigma and embrace hope together.
Resources Mentioned:
Porn Addicts Anonymous Gary Wilson - Your Brain on Porn Dr. Omar Minwalla - Education in Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment Robert Augustus Masters - To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine PowerJoin the Waitlist for the next round of Wanting It More. Join Now.
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In response to countless requests, we're diving into a topic close to many hearts: how to talk to kids about sex. Meet Christina, a recent graduate of the Wanting It More program, who felt compelled to provide her children with the sexual education she never received. Her journey is all about empowering her kids to navigate their body and intimacy with confidence, steering clear of the challenges she faced herself.
Join us as Christina shares her strategies for teaching life-changing concepts to her four children, aged 4 to 12. From using age-appropriate language to discuss bodies to navigating intimacy with her husband while the kids are around, Christina covers it all. She delves into the nuances of consent, encourages her children to trust their instincts, and tackles head-on the impact of media and pornography. This conversation is a beacon of empowerment for any parent navigating these vital discussions with their children.
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James had no reason to believe the ways he showed his wife affection, both sexual and non, was at all off-base. Afterall, he’d faithfully followed the rulebook he’d been taught in locker rooms and adult magazines throughout his 70 years and had success. He loved to look at and touch his wife to express his love and desire and happily assumed that his wife loved every ounce of his affection in return. He assumed any lack of sexual desire on her part was an issue for her to solve.
Once he met Janna, he quickly learned he’d been living his life happily misinformed.
James shares in detail his initial struggle learning and accepting the concept of safety, his eyes being opened to his wifes struggle to identify her true wants, and their new ability as a couple to honestly communicate with each other in and out of the bedroom.
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Join Janna and her special guest, Melissa, the WIM Community Coordinator, in this heart-to-heart conversation about the transformative Wanting It More program. Discover who this incredible program is tailor-made for, as they share their personal journeys of dealing with low libido in marriage. Explore the diverse issues the program can address, and be inspired by stories of past participants who have found success.
Janna and Melissa delve into the program's unique features and important dates. Plus, they address common questions that often arise. By the end of this episode, you'll have all the insights needed to make an informed decision on whether Wanting It More is the perfect fit for you and your partner.
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William had it in his head that he wasn’t the problem when it came to his wife’s low sexual desire. Afterall, he was doing everything he had been taught to do to satisfy his wife…the only problem was his teachers were other men, our toxic culture, and pornography.
William talks to Janna in detail about his experiences growing up as a person of colour, and the lessons he absorbed from media and culture on how to treat women and act like a man.
It wasn’t until he started learning from Janna and talking to other men inside the safe space of the Wanting It More program that he realized how off-base his misguided education had been. He talks in detail about how drastically but beautifully different his intimate experiences are now, and why the path he and his wife are on is where they needed to be all along.
AVR Resource Mentioned: https://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com/resources/f/empathy-breeds-connection
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Renee opens up to Janna about her six-year marriage to her white husband, exploring the intricacies of their age and ethnicity differences that created a soupy mix of misunderstandings around sexual desire, and her feelings of low libido.
Renee, a biracial woman, brings a compassionate and curious lens to her experiences and exploration of black culture, shedding light on the pervasive hypersexualized messages that saturate the music and language, contributing to a perfect storm of toxic masculinity.
As a strong, confident, and well-educated entrepreneur and feminist, she reflects on her adept ability to navigate societal pressures, but her inability to speak up in the bedroom. It is through the lens of Wanting It More that Renee discovers a profound realization—she had unknowingly been following cultural scripts throughout her entire sexual life, ignoring her own needs in order to fulfill the needs of others. This revelation sparks a hopeful journey of self-discovery, as Renee bravely shares her quest to unearth genuine pleasure and satisfaction in the bedroom beyond societal expectations and cultural norms.
Tune in for a conversation that navigates the intersection of culture, race, love, and personal fulfillment, leaving listeners inspired and hopeful for their own paths of exploration and understanding.
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From the early stages of her life, Rowen discovered immense fulfillment in the roles of people-pleasing and caretaking for those around her. However, she later realized that the price she paid for these roles was steep—it left her clueless about her own wants and needs.
As this pattern extended into her intimate relationship with her husband, her inability to assert herself resulted in exclusive attention to his needs, leaving her feeling alone and broken in her lack of desire for intimacy. Despite enduring long-term pelvic pain, her pleas for help were dismissed by professionals, and couples therapy seemed fixated on ensuring her husband's happiness.
It was only when Rowen embarked on a transformative journey with Janna that she experienced genuine change. Once she recognized her caretaking behaviour in the bedroom, Rowen emerged as the director of her sexual experiences. She now describes her sexual experineces as going “from a black and white movie into a full IMAX immersive experience.”
Tune in to hear Rowen's empowering story of reclaiming agency and steering her sexual narrative towards fulfillment and self-discovery.
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Kate and Janna unravel the complex dynamics of Kate’s 19-year marriage marked by a common tradition – the recurrent gift of lingerie.
Although intended as a sweet gesture, these presents took a toll on Kate, leaving her feeling embarrassed and awkward, along with dwindling her libido and decreasing her desire for sex. As the duo discusses the cultural implications of gifting lingerie, Kate's story becomes a powerful testament to self-empowerment, shedding light on how societal norms can hinder authentic connection.
In this episode, Kate and Janna navigate the delicate balance between intention and impact in intimate relationships. They explore the transformative journey of reclaiming one's sense of self, challenging established norms, and fostering genuine connection in the realm of intimacy.
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Throughout their 17 year union, the presence of pornography cast a shadow over Sandra and her husband’s relationship, steadily eroding its foundation. Initially, Sandra dismissed it, swayed by the notion that incorporating porn could add a spark to their connection. However, as time unfolded, she witnessed alarming shifts in her husband's behavior—his inability to heed her pleas for gentleness, defensiveness clouding his responses, emotions spiraling into dramatic extremes, an inability to distinguish between sex and love, and an insistence on using orgasms as a mood-management tool. Caught in a web of lies and betrayal, Sandra recognized the compulsive and addictive nature of her husband's porn consumption.
In this powerful podcast episode, Sandra shares her story of resilience and transformation, recounting how therapy and the Wanting It More model became the catalysts for rebuilding intimacy in their relationship. She delves into their journey of porn recovery, shedding light on the steps they took to recreate their sex life. Sandra explores the intricacies of navigating boundaries, revealing the specific measures she implemented to safeguard her well-being within the relationship. She also shares what their sex life looks like now and how her husband feels about intimacy since recovering from porn addiction.
Resourses: Sandra and her husband used the following resources to help them on their healing journey.
- Helping Couples Heal Podcast (interviews with Stan Tatkin, Omar Minwalla, and Carol Jurgensen Sheets): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/helping-couples-heal-podcast/id1462962051
- Omar Minwalla Deceptive Sexuality & Trauma Resource Library: https://minwallamodel.com/resource-library/We used ERCEM coaches to facilitate our disclosure. ERCEM is
- Carol Jurgensen Sheets Workbooks: https://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com/products
- Dan Drake and Janice Caudill’s books to prepare for full therapeutic disclosure and emotional impact statement: https://intensivehope.com/resources/
- SPAA: http://spaa-recovery.org/
- Dr Paula Hall’s TED talk on pornography addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qf2e3XZ8Twhttps://www.paulahall.co.uk/books/
- The TINSA book connects addictive behavior to adverse developmental experiences: https://a.co/d/eYaltET
- Robert Augustus Masters, mature monogamyhttps://www.robertmasters.com/books-audiobooks/
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When Lee initially encountered Janna's messages about sex on her podcast, he felt victimized. It seemed to him as though blame for bad sex in marriage was being cast solely on men, leading him to internalize it as his personal responsibility. However, with time, he gradually grasped the profound message she aimed to convey – that the distorted notions about sex ingrained in our society are a product of our culture. Both he and his wife of 19 years were unwittingly influenced by these societal narratives.
The revelation came when they enrolled in Janna's course, where they gained a new vocabulary for discussing sex with each other. It was only then that they discovered the level of discomfort that had silently crept into their intimate moments. Armed with this understanding, they swiftly realized their previous approach to intimacy was detrimental for both of them.
Armed with this newfound awareness, Lee and his wife embarked on a journey toward healthier intimacy within their marriage. Lee now reflects on the lessons he has learned, describing the positive transformation in their sexual encounters and expressing a profound shift in his perception of the meaning of sex and connection within their relationship.
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Elle believed she was grappling with low libido as she reached the age of 50, having been married for 25 years with three children in college. Intimacy in her relationship had become a burdensome task, postponed for weeks at a time until guilt finally compelled her to engage. She considered this ebb in desire as a typical aspect of this stage in life.
It wasn't until Janna helped Elle compassionately delve into her personal history that the true roots of her low sex drive emerged. Unearthing childhood sexual abuse, the lingering effects of birth trauma, the relentless exhaustion and overwhelm from parenthood, and 22 years of untreated pelvic pain, Elle began to see the multifaceted layers of her struggle.
In our culture, women are often conditioned to endure pain, making it challenging to recognize when something is truly amiss. Elle shares her journey of self-discovery, articulating why she refrained from labeling her distress as pain for so many years. Now, with newfound awareness, she is bravely navigating a redefined understanding of intimacy with her husband, infused with compassion and hope for a more fulfilling connection.
Referenced episode: 27. UNDERSTANDING PELVIC PAIN WITH MANDY RÖSCHERJoin the Waitlist for the next round of Wanting It More. Join Now.
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