Episódios
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"I've often heard people talk about The Work of Byron Katie as the "how"... there's the "what" of spiritual development... you know freedom, what it looks like... it's described so well in terms of Essence in the Enneagram. There are many ways to talk about it in many traditions. And there are many ways in terms of the how. But Byron Katie's is such a simple and accessible how. Like, take this step, follow this step, go through these little points... and there's often some evolution happening in just 20-30 minutes."
Todd Smith is a facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie -- one of the most powerful methods of inner work I've encountered. We discuss what it is, demo it, and debrief. Enjoy.
Todd's Links
https://theworkasmeditation.com/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wiggle-room/id1612348594The Enneagram School
https://theenneagramschool.com/Timestamps
0:00 Intro
2:21 Overview of The Work
6:22 Starting The Work -- Josh's stressful dinner
14:21 Unpacking the stressful moment - emotional interpretation, finding the right words
17:25 Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet Line 1 (there are 6 lines total)
20:49 Line 2
22:33 Line 3
28:27 Line 4
31:32 Line 5
33:35 Line 6
37:42 The 4 Questions - "Be in that moment" as you answer
39:21 Question 1
42:44 Question 3
44:37 Catching myself "performing"
55:19 The Turnarounds
56:47 Turnaround 1
1:02:14 Turnaround 2
1:11:06 Heart Center "Image" in the work
1:14:12 Turnaround 3
1:15:36 Summary of The Work
1:20:01 The Work is top practice but resisted; attachment to suffering
1:27:02 Todd's reflection on enneagram & the work
1:31:20 The 3 Centers & The Work
1:39:07 The Work & Gendlin's Focusing (finding the right words)
1:48:34 The power of allowing the tantrum
1:47:09 The practice vs "image" of having an open mind
1:51:13 Diagnosis not same as cure
1:56:23 The Work & Adult Ego Development
2:02:44 We approach inner work in the style of our type
2:09:45 Salutations
2:12:55 Plugs
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
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#enneagram #enneagramtypes #thework #byronkatie #mindfulness #presence #innerwork
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Sandy Jahmi Burg is a facilitator of Gendlin's Focusing -- the most powerful method of tapping into body intelligence that I've encountered. In this interview, we define it, demo it, and debrief. Enjoy.
Sandy's Website
https://learnfocusing.org/The Enneagram School
https://www.theenneagramschool.com/Timestamps
0:00 Intro
3:46 What is Focusing?
6:30 The "felt-sense" implies "life-forward" movement
10:02 The importance of being "in relationship" with the felt sense
12:13 Making an invitation as you enter a Focusing session
13:35 Demo - Lead in & invitation, creating conditions for a felt sense to arrive
18:33 Demo - The first felt sense, "taking our understanding back" to our bodies
20:08 Demo - Making contact & letting it know you hear it, "Getting into relationship"
24:06 Demo - Acknowledging & getting "bigger than"
25:37 Demo - Responding to how it sees you
28:19 Demo - It's "message" for me
32:11 Wordless metabolizing; sitting in the "solution" state, not the problem
35:00 Setting an intention vs inhabiting a way of being
38:26 What the hell just happened? - The "steps" in a Focusing Journey
39:24 The grocery store analogy; Discovering, making contact, coming into relationship, experiencing shift
49:12 The leap of faith -- acknowledging what arises as sentient entities
51:00 Parts Work & the "Self" (capital S); on being merged with a part & getting "bigger than" it
54:58 The "result" of a focusing session: before, merged; after, in relationship
59:50 The facilitator's POV: tracking, giving prompts, helping Focuser get into relationship
1:08:29 On "checking back" with the body; when something feels understood and accepted for how it is now, that's what releases it to shift
1:11:56 when something feels understood and accepted for how it is now, that's what releases it to shift
1:20:15 How to work with Sandy
1:21:59 Plugs
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Yamira [SO/SX 5w4 531] is an artist in New York. Watch this interview on YouTube so you can see Yamira's art as she talks about it.
Yamira's links
https://www.mossyscabs.com/
@mossyscabs
@_brujajaThe Enneagram School
https://theenneagramschool.com/Get Officially Typed by Enneagrammer
https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typedTimestamps
0:00 Intro
1:49 Why make art?
7:34 Grief losing whole portfolio of art (!)
10:49 What was the Grief like?
12:09 On delaying "dealing with the grief"
13:55 Facing fear and becoming a more "public" person
15:15 5 themes - cerebralizing emotions; privacy
16:50 Becoming more "public" by working at a restaurant
19:51 Wanting to be known; (re)-introducing myself through art
23:19 High stakes art has my Self in it (vs impersonal, low stakes art)
24:29 Example of "lower stakes" art
28:44 Yamira's burrowing 5 mind; getting to more clarity & precision
30:59 What did you learn about grief? -- and how that changed the art
36:13 Yamira's redemptive post-grief arc
37:35 Tattooing, want my art to help people (Though not the why)
40:16 Beauty inherently helps people
41:45 The intimacy of tattoo art; how collaborative?
46:01 Realizing it can be good to share yourself with others. "Didn't used to care about it"
51:22 Overcoming natural tendency NOT to share; childhood memories of rejection
55:49 Social life as an adult
58:55 Others as "aliens"
1:01:30 From isolation to intimacy; "can't respect everyone" (& inner critic backlash); I want to have
fun together but not be clowns
1:06:42 Merriment! - SO/SX with 1 fix - "We should be enjoying ourselves!"
1:11:06 What's this been like?
1:14:48 Plugs
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Kelly Ayadi [SO/SX 5w6 512] is frequenter of online Enneagram forums and a somewhat more "relational" type 5 than might be typical, given her double-people instinctual stacking and 2 fix. In this conversation, we talk about her childhood "doing her own thing" and her relationship with her 9 partner, her kids, and her family. Kelly's framing of certain emotions as "unnecessary" is illuminating, as is her relationship with expressing love in a way that reaches the other person and appreciation for acts of kindness from her partner. I feel this conversation is very helpful in showing how 5s differ from 9s, and more broadly how 5s operate in relationship via rejection in the mental center.
Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/my3JxeaIHvM
Get Typed: https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed
The Enneagram School: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
Timestamps
0:00 Intro
2:42 Little Kelly
5:45 Kelly's work at dept of human services
8:19 Conversation anchorpoints
9:13 "Professional student," doing my own path, not having to deal with outside noise & relationships
13:13 People-y stacking "vs" 5 private, uncooperative
15:51 Drone operator as 5 metaphor
17:26 Not wanting to be touched; doing own thing
21:58 What is my "own thing"? People fascination
24:32 Partner as specimen(?)
27:18 Withdrawing in relationship, won't compromise self
30:35 Our Courtship; defending me online was "unnecessary"
35:16 Rejection-Attachment dynamic in relationship; appreciating "unnecessary" kindness
41:52 Untouchable independence; emotional neutrality
44:19 Unpacking "Unnecessary"
46:54 Fantasy of lower emotionality everywhere
49:43 Not entering other's frame (Avarice); non-reciprocal expectations: "you come to me, I don't go to you"
53:15 First relationship I *want* to make work; becoming more flexible?
59:37 Entering others frame as rejection type
1:02:16 Painful learning I wasn't a "Nurturing" mom
1:05:27 I want to be loving but don't know how
1:10:15 Were you nurtured? Did it matter?
1:13:46 Pain of not being seen as competent; disconnect about "What matters?"
1:20:26 Pain being the black sheep the "off" one
1:22:00 A good moment with her father
1:24:36 Kelly/Josh's responses to her "heartwarming" story
1:29:43 Intellectually framing experience before I can feel it - what's helped?
1:33:05 What's this been like for you?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagramtype5 #enneagram5 #enneagraminterview
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I present to you the audio of the infamous Mascara Incident (which we don't talk about). This was recorded in December 2022, about 9 months before Courtney's official video interview. In this conversation, we explore Courtney's experience as an Attachment type in the Mental center, her typing journey (starting at 1, landing on 6), and her 6-ish journey to uncovering original insights about Object Relations and sharing them on the Big Hormone Enneagram podcast. We also touch on Alexander Technique and other grounding practices that helped Courtney discover her Inner Authority and her body's ability to discern Truth.
Courtney's Website: courtneysmithconsulting.com
The Enneagram School: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
Courtney on BHE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bhe-36-object-relations-daggers-to-the-heart-part-1/id1493756268?i=1000489894365
Get typed: https://www.enneagrammer.com/get-typed
Timestamps
0:00 Intro
2:27 Enneagram origin story; conscious leadership group; resisting 6, mistyping as 1 (hopeful identification, similar to 9->4)
8:17 How'd you realize you were a 6?
11:40 Complexity around 6 & "Inner Guidance" --> journey to 6 demonstrating 6's relationship with "authority," attachment & reactivity together, argumentativeness, "pressure-testing"
15:47 What builds trust -- ENGAGEMENT, willingness to engage -- "Are you gonna play that game with me?"; wanting other to be certain, yet also willing to meet me in uncertainty
19:19 Stamina for this kind of "engaging"
20:33 Looking for stability, "up there" in the mental space, where you can't find it
24:25 What's helped you ground? Footwork, balance, improving sensation, Alexander Technique, Letting the breath catch up with the mind
28:12 What is Alexander Technique? Why good for 6?
33:40 "Over-muscling": the body creating a false anchor from the mind being overused
38:02 Working with 6s, coach's pov; kinesthetic modeling; how are *you* showing up as coach?
41:53 Exploring: being settled in your own energy as a coach vs "entering their storm"
45:27 On Courtney claiming her inner authority, making discoveries in Object Relations, sharing on BHE
50:27 6 seeking coherence in the map
55:28 Why so important for things to make sense? Fear of randomness; "Faith" that "the pieces should fit together
58:30 Exploring attachment, Courtney's obsessive journey of discovering her insights; attachment, denial of self, responding to parental failure
1:02:21 Courtney's Object Relations insights applied to herself; energy towards maintaining "good relationships," but "on what terms?"
1:04:28 Examples!: mindful of teacher's perspectives, wary to contradict, assuming my ideas are derivative; how do I say something without saying others are wrong? (which compromises relationship)
1:10:49 Putting relationship at risk by having a different view
1:14:26 Courtney's 5 wing
1:21:50 What's it like now to have "exposed yourself as an authority?" .. Resistance to claiming it
1:26:26 Why does someone *want* to be an authority?
1:29:35 Tension between my 3 & Courtney's 6 in seeing her as an authority
1:36:29 Texture on words that originally had no juice for Courtney: Attachment, Support, Loyalty, Duty, Responsibility
1:42:44 Heart vs Head Center main preoccupation
1:45:41 Thank you's
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram6 #enneagramtype6 #enneagraminterview
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Courtney Smith [SO/SP 6w5 631] is a brilliant & original Enneagram thinker who has contributed hugely to our understanding of Object Relations. In this conversation, we explore her life as a 6 navigating her desire to work within systems and to rebel against them, and ultimately cultivating a more grounded relationship to her inner authority. Courtney's insights are illuminating and penetrating as always.
Courtney's Website: courtneysmithconsulting.com
YouTube Version of Interview: https://youtu.be/FQ418io7E7A
https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
3:15 Interview Start & Josh's messy hair
4:30 Setting up Courtney's biography
5:36 Do you hold a sense of your life story as a 6?
6:53 Professional trajectory as the way in; family all doctors & lawyers roles, safe, traditional
8:22 Law school, annoying incongruence, "It'd be easier if I liked this!"
9:23 Gender & Enneagram lens in college, split & trying to integrate analytical & quantitative, only-women-in-math-class and no-men-in-women's-studies; what's my place?
10:30 8 yrs old, "Mom, I'm not gonna stay here" -- wanting out, but not knowing "What do you want to go toward?"
13:20 Courtney's choice of major and minor mathematical economics & women's studies, navigating polarities; qualitative/quantitative, men/women
17:20 "Trying to have it both ways": high achieving within a system & rebelling against the system
20:23 At McKinsey, working super hard, doing what I'm "supposed to do," and disagreeing with it all
25:44 "If it's listened to..."; 6s feeling a lack of agency to shape reality, not willing to risk external authority's alliance; "There's nothing I can do about this. I have no choice."
31:16 Josh's 6 fix relating
33:52 Considered med school, then had baby - focus on reproductive justice, planned parenthood
36:09 focusing only on family was a "bad choice for me" -- left behind key aspects of self
38:33 Self-abandonment: Not taking responsibility for poor choices; "I had no choice!"; none of the credit, none of the blame
43:12 Shift of personal development work, conscious leadership group; "I have to take responsibility" for where I am
46:19 Before and after inner work; changed my life, but "your shit is your shit," esp in "real life" raising kids, home during covid, etc -- you get a new relationship to your patterns
52:11 Relationship now to public health, new life as coach
54:11 New relationship to the inner storm, reactivity; part of me watching myself have a tantrum, not taking it too seriously
57:39 Courtney's playfulness 1:00:30 6s & body work; getting lost in idea-space and finding the inner compass somatically; "Truth lies in the body"
1:07:47 Compulsive reading; skepticism: "I wanna check this out for myself," check people's sources, put the picture together from the ground up
1:11:32 6's devotional heart, contributing to greater whole
1:13:34 On working alone; not questioning life path any more, but still micro-questions about form of current work
1:16:37 Courtney the dragon; being myself the biggest gift I can give
1:20:37 Safari experience: "What you're transmitting is amazing and has nothing to do with your words"; Ian McGilchrist book, left-right brain language - non-language communication
1:28:00 What's this been like?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram6 #enneagramtype6 #enneagraminterview
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Siena Hassett [SX/SO 8w7 827] is a Theatre Maker, Movement Artist, and someone who really embodies the virtue of the 8 -- Innocence: the joyful unselfconscious expression of one's life-force, and the willingness to be affected by one's environment. Siena is so alive and engaging, and I couldn't help but be moved by her wide open presence in this conversation. I really appreciate how we moved from "caricaturing" her 8ness in the first 15 minutes to unveiling her real sensitivity and heart, especially as we explore her relationship to her art -- and how we navigated that transition together. I'm very proud to release this conversation. This is what it's all about. Enjoy.
https://sienahassett.com/
www.theenneagramschool.com
www.joshlavine.comListen as podcast: https://www.joshlavine.com/podcasts/what-it-s-like-to-be-you/episodes/2148078776
---
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
2:54 Open ended start: what's your type and why is it true? "Going through the object"
7:10 8 connection to action
11:20 Fear of "deadness," Amping up the situation
15:11 Taking a minute; new direction: life story from college
20:13 Movement art; why apply to corporeal mime school?
21:44 Professor: "I miss having you cry in class."
23:33 Radical decision, moving for this program; "It's what the work needed," SX instinct
26:45 Program before/after, sense of ease, freedom
29:22 Why so passionate about movement art? "It's what my body wants to do"
31:23 Alive moments with the audience; being with the people that night -- my favorite thing
34:08 "What it is tonight"; "What's here right now?"
39:05 Enneagram boxiness vs aliveness -- exploring Siena as an *artist* reveals her 8 gifts; exploring Siena as an *8* lends to caricature
42:58 Being in the river; quality of stillness
43:55 What does it feel like when the search (for aliveness) isn't going well?
47:05 Legs
51:32 This moment feels really beautiful
56:42 Why do we forget to be present? 58:47 Picking fights -- what's it like? why does it happen?
1:05:47 Mystery of fighting -- sometimes useful, sometimes not; over- and under-expressing anger
1:08:24 "My body gets so hot inside so fast"; Hard to sit with the anger; 2 stories - retail, & guy with a dog
1:12:39 Inner work for 8; expanding window of tolerance for the heat, not being run by the reflex
1:18:21 Innocence of the 8
1:19:39 What was this like for you?
1:21:26 Birth story -- fighting for my life
1:25:14 When I feel received, I can receive
1:26:41 Final thoughts & thank yous
--
#enneagram #enneagram8 #enneagramtypes #enneagrameight #enneagramtype8
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Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
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Alexandra Arroyo-Acevedo [SO/SP 9w1 963] is a brilliant Enneagram thinker with a very evocative and inspiring triple attachment life story. There’s no one I trust more to explain Attachment from the inside. Alexandra’s insights have been transformative for me, and for many in our community. Find her on the Big Hormone Enneagram podcast, on YouTube doing Enneagram breakdowns of the Bachelorette, and on her website, where you can book a natal chart reading with her as well.
Alexandra's Website: http://saturnruled9.com/
Alexandra's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@saturnruled9
Big Hormone Enneagram Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/big-hormone-enneagram/id1493756268The Enneagram School: www.theenneagramschool.com
Josh Lavine: www.joshlavine.comWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/EhHqHEIJdqU
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
3:49 Attachment Support Group Plug
6:03 What happened the first time we tried this interview
10:05 What's different now?
13:23 The importance of being witnessed in playful unself-conscious states
17:08 Prompt: Alexandra’s life story as an SO Bermuda 9
18:56 I was passively accepting, not "choosing" friends / romantic partners
20:42 "Who am I to say no?" - absence of red flags, not looking for green flags; unpacking the word “danger”
24:43 Ex-fiance was "safe"; passively accepted his proposal (!); Attachment: saying yes to the possibility that we could one day be on the same page
29:50 Social 9 -- Not revealing my full mind when others’ eyes gloss over; my inner self not a match for my environment, so I don't put it out there; why 9 needs to go to 3
35:22 Attachment victimhood self-deception: "You're not making space for me" vs I'm withholding myself
37:24 Prolonging relationship: "I was really good at dividing myself”
39:03 The "atomic bomb,” meeting John; Alexandra’s self-revival through online chats about Enneagram; going to New York “the first real action ever took for myself;” framing it to myself as "It's no big deal, if it doesn't work out, I'll just come back home" preemptive defense against being affected
46:20 Numbness prevents 9 from realizing how hungry their soul is; lifeforce has intelligence independent of personality re: what's nourishing / renewing for it
50:58 The lightning strike moment, radical (fast!) change, and the illusion that I've conquered attachment
57:01 How Attachment patterns crept back in
1:00:45 Being anchored to a new rung on the consciousness ladder; not wanting to abandon your new self-sense
1:02:48 Ambivalence toward astrology from being pinned as an "astrology person" -- private sacred interest now exposed to gaze that revs attachment/performance engine
1:08:55 The "practice" of unself-conscious play
1:10:28 Autonomy insistence of 9; making free choices without pressure; knowing that a choice is "mine," made by me
1:13:59 John's mirroring of me to myself, yet constantly re-attuning to what I'm excited by
1:19:05 Social intimacy, choosing and being chosen from your constituted center, grief about emotionally distant friendships, that pattern changing
1:27:41 Sweet Friendship moments
1:30:47 What's this been like? (& how long it took to get this interview, ha!; sign off)
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview #9w1
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Kristen Oberly [SO/SP 9w1 963] is an exceptionally gifted dream analyst, artist, and guide for the unconscious realm. We explore her misdiagnosis with paranoid schizophrenia, her bouts with depersonalization, and the way she has come back home to herself by following her fascination with the unconscious. A very interesting and particular case of Social Bermuda 9, but the core 9 themes are certainly here: numbness, dissociation, and coming back to life by following the natural flow of my life force.
To Find Kristen –
Personal Website: https://www.inkstoryrebel.com/
Sinsomnia Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/cz/podcast/sinsomnia/id1684154994Josh's Links –
www.theenneagramschool.com
www.joshlavine.comWatch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Cr6-ZCd6z-Y
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
5:27 When two bermudas meet; You've made a spash; original contributions: dreams, trifix art -- SO tracking "how people earn respect in this group," getting typed
9:48 Lurking in groups; do you feel like one now? "in shock" that my contribution went anywhere
12:55 Interview anchor points: typing, misdiagnosis paranoid schizophrenia; depersonalization; living in "alternate dimension"
15:22 "She's in her own little world" growing up; hallucinations
19:40 What is paranoid schizophrenia?; relief in diagnosis, being located, "this is what I am," a thing to tell others
23:11 "Betrayal of all 3 centers"
26:10 Timeline of diagnosis & symptoms; what's depersonalization?
32:10 9-ness and depersonalization
35:35 What's helped?
37:30 Guinea pigs screaming -- a dream example that helped you come home to your body
42:31 Physical reality not affecting me, but unconscious dream world waking me up (literally)
45:02 Toggling on/off of existing; checking out
48:05 Genuine inspiration of dreams calling you back alive; Avatar Kristen, interfacing spirit world and physical reality
54:12 SO 9 - fear of making others uncomfortable?
58:38 Kristen's flow state; mastery & precision, poking the nerve, freedom from typology in her moments of interpreting dreams
1:04:52 Kristen's dark witchy vibe & "bite" contrasted with "harmonious" 9 vibe
1:10:16 Kristen's 9 Bermuda Swirl vs Josh's 3 version
1:15:48 Kristen's Art Bermuda Swirl, honing in on "archetypal" art
1:19:46 The Bermuda Swirl's Intelligence
1:26:37 What’s this been like?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview #9w1
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Round 2 with Sarah [SO/SP 9w1 937]. A conversation ABOUT our last conversation, and a very personal look at both of our attachment games. I loved this.
Josh's Links:
www.theenneagramschool.com
www.joshlavine.comSarah's Links:
Music: https://open.spotify.com/artist/0ttrZbIpLCXW7hjanhv7H8
Music: https://slagoona.bandcamp.com/
Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3x6KJ6TppG3LC9ySqFDLOs
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/slagoona_/Watch on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/vaZ95yqyUSgTimestamps:
0:00 Intro
3:29 Setting up the convo -- why we're here
7:56 First clip
9:53 Sarah pauses. "Floating on the river of meaning" swirling & managing the swirls
15:36 Second clip
16:45 Josh pauses. The moment I almost interrupted, and Sarah feels it.
17:38 More clip
20:16 Sarah pauses. Sarah's SO/SP "preachiness," desire to embrace universal themes
23:27 Sarah: "I kept going because I wasn't sure if you agreed with me"
25:54 "It's all good babe just hold on!"
27:11 The need to have all parts of me known and held (9)
29:48 More clip -- The Shift moment 31:13 Josh pauses. His skepticism that Sarah was connected to herself
33:22 Sarah: the insecurity around being perceived as insincere; calling out 9 dispersion
34:59 SO 9 desperation for social holding; Schema: want social holding -- don't get it -- disperse & numb -- harder to feel if/when I get held now
40:58 You want holding from me, but also you're angry with me -- Attachment games
44:59 Sarah getting social holding back by playing into my frame, "impressing me"
48:54 More clip -- Sarah: "I felt like I was being called a phony"
50:18 More clip -- Josh's "unskillful question"
54:20 Josh takes a breath -- his attachment pattern alive right now
59:09 More clip: "I'm saying what I think you want me to say"
1:00:28 Sarah's desire for more bobble-headedness (familiar social holding); Josh's reflex to self-recrimination when I made someone angry, "what could I have done better?" -- that question being self-abandoning in service of re-attachment strategy!; Josh's version of sarah's "cozying up"
1:06:00 The last 3 min; "I feel like I passed your test"
1:09:27 Attachment 101: Rupture and Repair Cycles; Complexity around Sincerity
1:11:12 Final moments of the interview & the necessity of *this* conversation to complete the repair
1:15:51 What is trust?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
--- #enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview #9w1
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Sarah [SO/SP 9w1 937] is getting her PhD in psychology en route to becoming a therapist. In this conversation, Sarah is quite open and courageous in sharing what it's like for her on the inside of her "swirly 9-7 stem" energy and speaking style and her positive outlook vibes. We also how she accidentally gaslights partners without knowing it, because of how she can blur inner fantasy with outer reality. (I love this part.) We also hit a really interesting conversational glitch that put both of our type patterns on display. We unpack this in a follow up conversation, so stay tuned for round 2.
Josh's Links:
www.theenneagramschool.com
www.joshlavine.comSarah's Links:
Music: https://open.spotify.com/artist/0ttrZbIpLCXW7hjanhv7H8
Music: https://slagoona.bandcamp.com/
Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3x6KJ6TppG3LC9ySqFDLOs
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/slagoona_/Watch Interview on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/g6kqGXegvB0Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
2:16 Getting typed, Sarah's typing journey
12:35 Positive outlook of Sarah's 9-7 stem; the facebook group's reaction to her "was an emotional event"
15:56 3 fix, wanting to be / be seen as competent, "let me join the cool kids," show people I can hang
20:02 Sarah's swirling inner cauldron of associations speaking style
22:22 One reason 9s identify as 4
23:23 Eating disorder, psychological function of controlling my attractiveness... but being labeled "sexual blind"; beauty standards more social than sexual
25:39 Why are you a 9 and not a 4? Attachment
29:14 Tone policing as SO 9w1 "asking" the environment to hold me better (socially)
30:24 Attachment to disconnect in long-term relationship; Fantasy & wanting/hoping others will show up differently
36:16 Anger as "no," finding your no
39:12 Positive Outlook "spin"; "People can't worry about me" -- I have to be okay; performative empathy/positivity "vs" sincere optimism
45:42 Unprocessed negativity comes out in close relationships (mom, partner); "I would save that all for them"; the Security Point
53:50 The fantasy image of a relationship, blurring fantasy and reality
57:17 Gaslighting & fantasy; the little girl hoping, "maybe maybe maybe," wishing reality will manifest my fantasy; "But it's always been this way" in my mind
1:03:20 The moment: How are you feeling right now? A disconnect -- a splash, a disruption of the social groove ... and the next few minutes, navigating this
1:05:34 I need others to be listening to me well, so I can be clear in my thinking
1:09:31 Saturated in presence vs dispersed
1:14:29 Power being grounded, concentrated, or "up" and dispersed; tapering
1:18:47 Sarah expressing anger at me! (yes!)
1:20:36 Tapering demo; attachment dynamic: building bridges to others' inner worlds, not trusting they'll want to come to mine
1:23:26 The pain of separating, having melded into this conversation. A mini grief.
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview #9w1
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Emily [SO/SP 8w9 836] is a beautiful example of a heart-forward 8 who has done significant inner work and values her sensitivity. We get into what it means to be in a social "power position," why that's important for her, and what it means to value her vulnerability, among other things. Really good, high resolution introspection. Emily graduated from Yale undergrad and Oxford business school. She also rowed on the Irish national team. She currently works in a purpose-driven startup bringing smoother money transfer services to Africa and beyond.
Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/TkPCccFhjqU
www.theenneagramschool.com
www.joshlavine.com---
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:43 Setting up the convo
3:49 Enneagram origin story; mistyping as 7; skepticism about Enneagram
10:27 8 Basic Fear & Desire, feeling "uncomfortably seen"
11:51 Leaning on being sought after socially; & the self-protection of being in a "power up posiiton"
15:21 the fear of being at the mercy of someone else's control; coming back to self-trust
16:51 Being protective of others; feeling "compelled" into action; "Rallying of every atom in my being"
19:34 Developing discernment, “letting go" when activated, what makes that hard
21:59 Feeling supported when others give their "truly honest opinion"; doing this for others
25:59 Picnic story - calling out a misogynistic joke
30:14 margaritas and bicycle story - "My independence is untouchable by you"
36:03 The appeal of doing a startup; Being alive through "Exerting your creative life force into the world through the lens of business"
41:19 need to feel like i'm on the edge of win or lose
42:04 solo training for a marathon, ice baths, pushing body to limits
43:28 Tough leadership lessons in sports and business
48:21 "I'm a sensitive person," friendship and vulnerability; my vulnerability is valuable
53:15 Why did you say yes to this?
55:16 Plugs!
56:10 Outro
--
#enneagram #enneagram8 #enneagramtypes #enneagrameight #enneagramtype8
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
-
Czan [SO/SP 9w1 953] is a software engineer for a gaming company and currently lives in the US. He's an original Enneagram thinker, and "Attachment to Disconnect" is his profound insight into how Attachment types create situations to continue reaching for connection, rather than stably connecting. Czan has experience with various inner work modalities and has excellent insights about being an Enneagram 9. I'll add that I experienced his 5 fix vividly in this conversation, which you'll see in the way Czan maintains intellectual separateness.
---
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
2:32 Enneagram Origin Story
5:14 Twice an immigrant; adapting to new cultures; 5 fix figuring it out by myself; trauma from this pattern -- no one here like me; "The resolution needs to come in community"; Immigrant as metaphor for attachment
11:34 What grabbed you about the Enneagram? Mistyping as 5; Wanting to talk about the Enneagram without talking about the Enneagram
14:51 NOT an Ennea-vangelist; refuting Josh's suggestion that finding universal language is an attachment dynamic
17:10 Attachment vs Social & desire for belonging? Czan's idea: "The Existential Object" for 4, 5, & 9
20:30 Czan's loud 5-fix, not absorbing others' orientation; couldn't be an academic bc need to converse with other scholars
23:56 So why are you a 9, not a 5?; Czan's theory, 9's seeking "existence" in the world, 5's not
28:10 Toggling on and off; "when I'm observing, nothing's going on inside"
30:18 Dissociating -- when things "start to get muffled"; "Existing" or not existing in relationship
36:03 Merging with others, taking on their discomfort; Best thing I could do for my parents as a kid was "be okay" and not need a lot
37:54 Taking on mom's (& others') emotional burden; I'm helping them carry their heavy luggage, not realizing I have a limit to my emotional capacity
39:14 Internal Family Systems (IFS) & Psychedelics
42:01 The metaconversation (!); paradox 9 relational merging & 5 intellectual independence; Czan's 5 fix "vs" Josh's 6 fix 49:24 Josh's object relations theory & the body center
55:44 Ayahuasca and Owl Medicine; not opening to overwhelm or closing myself off, but preening and holding myself as I move through the world
1:00:26 Reflections; 9's virtue of engagement; taking responsibility for washing myself, so I can stay open to be affected by things, to live
1:03:42 Not wasting anger, taking care of "the mud in me," and "using it to grow lotus flowers"; creativity, passion
1:10:16 Attachment to Disconnect
1:13:57 Fitness, getting into my body, trying to "live" the Enneagram and not just cerebralize it
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview #9w1
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TRIGGER WARNING: sensitive content. Nancy Walter (SP/SO 3w4 369) is a co-host on the Big Hormone Enneagram podcast and is currently navigating graduate school in genetics. In this extremely candid interview, we talk about Nancy's childhood, wrestling with severe depression and mental health issues (possibly undiagnosed autism, according to her), her self-discovery through competence in knife salesmanship and sugaring, and the road trip that cemented her choice to live. Enjoy!
https://www.joshlavine.com/
https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
YouTube version of Interview: https://youtu.be/u4WTC0GM8lI
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
3:51 Interview Start -- Childhood depression, mental health, and the road trip that changed everything
7:18 Putting on a show" for my therapist at 15 yrs old; fooling the therapist
14:18 The Road Trip & 3-ness - poetic, redemptive, rejuvenating; being by yourself, outside others' expectations
16:44 When the fog began to lift, and I began to "choose to be here"
19:18 Selling cutting knives and going "full 3", then getting sick & having to quit
22:54 New desk job at gun store
24:42 Selling knives giving Nancy a chance to feel good at something; contrasting Josh's 3 story with Nancy's; Nancy's mental health condition delaying her 3-ness
27:27 Quitting selling knives -- framed as an act of self-care, rebellion against sexist workplace, "I wanna do something I wanna do."
32:47 Sugaring and 3-ness; being good at making old white men like me & pay me; becoming another person for 4 hours, then going home -- in an empowering way
39:12 The joy of "identity experiments"; self-discovery in sugaring
43:45 On how important it is for 3s to feel good at something
46:48 Grief on the road trip; SP looking for home, leading back to yourself; 3s need to find themselves alone in their silence
50:56 Discovering authentic self through performative relationship; following your nose about what I'm good at
55:38 Josh's bermuda questions
58:14 Choosing life path after the road trip? discovering I want to go to school, despite "I don't need school!" 3 persona/image.
1:03:34 Reconstituting identity to "fit this in" -- wanting to go to school
1:05:23 Practicals of going back to school; discovering I love science, want to study genetics
1:10:52 Living from "I like this!" instead of "I'm good at this" now
1:13:05 Now back in Virginia; "Fix first, then mourn"
1:14:53 What's this been like for you?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram3 #enneagramtype3 #enneagraminterview
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Charles is a 42 year old father of four that's been married for more than half his life. He’s started multiple businesses and currently runs a small internet marketing and web agency. He self-describes as a “body type that speaks from the gut while trying to make social connections.”
In this interview, we explore what his 8 “rejection” wing does to his core 9 attachment, his meandering, relaxed conversational style, and what it was like to realize that he’s been operating on autopilot for over 20 years. (!!) We also explore his striking tattoos, the enlivening physicality of getting them, and the way they help him declare his location amidst the murky, triple attachment 9-land. An honest and open glimpse into the inner world of a 9w8.
Note: there was an internet issue during recording, so Charles accidentally spoke over me a few times that I tried to ask a question. He wanted to note that he's not that obtuse :) -- he just couldn't hear.
Timestamps
0:00 Intro
0:41 Plugs: Enneagram School & Expression Library
1:50 Intro to Charles; SO/SP 9w8 963
3:27 Interview Start
5:15 Charles' recent "resensitization" transformation; not crying for 20 years; autopilot
10:28 Josh's question and Charles' "off-road" response
12:33 Coming back to life; what's happened recently, resensitization; from numb to being flooded with emotions, randomly
17:29 Decades of putting myself aside, fulfilling "roles," being in the groove; setting up projections onto other people, resentments about pressure
22:59 The numb state; not noticing butterflies in my stomach; "shutting off"
27:39 What would other people notice if you're numb?
28:29 Feelings being too much for me; even good feelings; seeking the goldilocks state
32:09 Comparing 8, 9, 1's relationship to numbing
33:31 Tattoo's! -- locating myself & my positions, socially abrasive to my conservative neighborhood
39:03 The physical nature of getting tattoos; sensory awakening, un-numbing, bringing me back to life; some pain as "good" feeling
41:58 Using sense of smell more
43:37 Relationship with anger
48:19 Exploring the volume of Charles' voice
49:49 The meandering conversational style; outer swirling mimics inner swirling
54:17 Are you motivated to be more "focused" in your speaking?
58:44 A la David Gray: 8 wing giving 9 permission to be as 9 as it wants to be
1:02:56 What's this been like for you?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview #9w8 #trifix
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Kier is a trial lawyer, dad, and frequent commenter on Enneagram discussion boards like the Enneagrammer Universe Facebook group. This is our second conversation — we didn’t publish the first one for reasons we explore in the interview. This is a really special conversation that captures a 3 (and 3w2, 358 trifix no less) freshly embarking on the journey of interior excavation, exploring his sensitivity, and asking questions like, “Why the secrecy?” “What am I really afraid of?” Really, really good stuff.
Josh’s websites:
https://www.joshlavine.com/
https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
https://enneagramexpressions.com/YouTube version of Interview:
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:30 Plugs: The Enneagram School & Enneagram Expressions Library
3:21 Intro to Kier
5:02 Interview Start
8:50 The email exchange btwn me and Kier; his desire to prepare, then softening towards having a more "spontaneously authentic" conversation
11:40 Difficulty with spontaneous authenticity; "I don't spend much time processing my internal state"; avoidance through activity
14:54 Mistyping as 8 & "Coming out as a 3"; Kier's childhood, family history of depression, a major car crash
19:16 Needing to be the strong one very young; didn't have a chance to be a vulnerable little kid; trained myself not to need what I wasn't getting
25:26 This being fresh / new territory for Kier; lots to excavate; my life set up to PREVENT excavation
30:08 ”Coming out as a 3" -- Kier's email; "I feel like a cat that's used up 7 lives already." "I'm just a bleeding heart type, I hope nobody notices”
32:42 What was it like to been seen through, and what's the nature of your sensitivity?; Sensitivity to being surprised, resistance to spontaneity... (image commentary here?)
38:22 Kier’s softening over our email exchange; the importance for Kier of Josh letting Kier's concerns be okay
41:00 Hiddenness, secrecy, paranoia; ”The heart can be so easily denied"; "People can always thwart a 3's objective by refusing to give admiration”
46:20 Cultural dynamics regarding the Heart
51:44 3 as heart blind heart type being “part of the problem”
55:20 workaholism, being "human doing"
59:39 what would surface if you slowed down? are you motivated to keep digging?
1:03:50 Kier’s "I'm not giving up speech" (see end)
1:08:37 The yolk
1:10:44 how are you feeling now?
1:13:55 More on conversational dynamics from last time
1:18:31 Thanks for pulling back the hood; we've done our job because it's uncomfortable
1:19:59 Kier’s Oscar Winning "I'm Not Giving Up" Speech---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram3 #enneagramtype3 #enneagraminterview
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Emma is an Enneagram coach and mom, and she has her own podcast called There Are No Tangents. In this conversation, you get to see Emma model presence in the mental center as she incorporates a new insight about herself with rather amazing openness. Her self-owns about accommodating people resentfully and "throwing a stink" are charming and helpful distinctions regarding 6s duality of being both an Attachment and a Reactive Type. A pleasure of an interview. Enjoy.
YouTube version of interview: https://youtu.be/gCUvxKMWpps
Emma's website: https://www.emmascottcoaching.com/
Emma's podcast: https://www.emmascottcoaching.com/the-podcast
Emma's instagram: @theenneagramconnectionThe Enneagram School: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/
Class on the Centers starting 1/19/23: https://www.theenneagramschool.com/first-offeringJosh's website: https://www.joshlavine.com/
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:34 The Enneagram School is live! First class Jan 19
1:57 Intro to Emma
4:47 Interview start; her hours leading up to the interview, SO 6 strategy of stating "I'm nervous" to give yourself slack / wiggle room from self-imposed standards
8:19 enneagram origin story
12:25 Niklas's 2 Interview revealing her 2 fix
15:17 1 fix vs 9 fix; talking with my hands; 6 verbal style, 1 precision motions
20:15 People Pleasing -- an amazing journey on this word; going along with other but making a stink about it
29:03 "Maybe we've realized I'm not a people pleaser after all"; therapist authority said so -- how I came to believe it in the first place
31:43 "Resentful accommodation" - 6 self-image of adapting to others, not realizing how much space I'm taking up with my stink-throwing
36:25 6 not "swallowing truth whole" from authorities -- finding evidence, making it fit, etc
41:11 Planning, preparing; "Making everything is a bigger problem than it needs to be."
46:45 6ness as "Problem solving" -- what it means for something to be a problem
51:53 Amplification of the problem depends on my "state"
55:02 Anxiety as a "baseline heigtening of the nervous system"; alertness
1:00:46 Settling mental activity to be present with my kids
1:03:40 being present with your kids from each of the centers
1:09:05 what's this been like for you?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram6 #enneagramtype6 #enneagraminterview
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Jamie (SP/SO 9w1 963) is an gifted cinematographer, an aspiring therapist, and a good friend that I met in my first Enneagram class. He has committed to his inner work in extremely courageous ways and has great language for the inner experience of 9-ness, especially what it's like to "numb out," to drift into invisibility, and to speak up for himself in relationships. This is a great, user friendly introduction to 9ness. Enjoy.
Jamie's website: https://eicharphotography.com/
My website: https://www.joshlavine.com/
YouTube: https://youtu.be/8Sw6T5Kq-vk
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
2:52 Easing into the interview
4:19 Enneagram origin story; the comfort of discovering my type; "felt like a blanket"
8:42 Feeling left behind wanting to be noticed, “nobody special”
11:54 "why aren't people asking me questions?" -- being in this interview now. "I'm talking a lot right now"; wanting attention and being terrified of it
14:28 Anger & “It’d be nice if people asked me questions.”
21:21 Being a nice guy, being a comforting presence, someone you trust; my “power” as a 9, when people feel like they can talk to me
25:34 People open up to me, but sometimes steamroll me; My trouble knowing what I have to say
29:35 the difficulty of Interrupting people; Conversational dynamics with 9s; 9s discovering their preferences by waiting
33:48 Speaking up; Taking responsibility to make the conversation safe for me
38:14 What fitness does for Jamie, 9s in the body center, susceptible to numbness, forgetting about the body, then “feeling” anger more
40:52 Numbness, avoiding problems, “forgetting I exist,” “I become the ipad”; YouTube Rabbit Holes; the rhythm of cycling through apps
47:09 Rebelling against "What I need to do"; sensitivity to pressure; difficulty of getting started
52:21 What gets you going?; hitting plateaus; creative inspiration
56:52 Empathy “out of my control” - merging, “getting caught up” in other’s emotions and what it means to have emotional boundaries; the complicated “niceness” of getting lost in an experience
1:02:03 On Commitment to practices, etc
1:04:43 Blending in vs standing out; "What's it like to own your coolness?"
1:08:22 What's this been like for you?
---
Music by Coma-Media from
Pixabay Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview
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Kaisa is a psychology and neuroscience graduate student and Enneagram enthusiast with an exceptional ability to articulate her experience of SX 9-ness. Enjoy.
My website: https://www.joshlavine.com/
The Interview on YouTube: https://youtu.be/7XmFOAa6zro
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
2:56 Kaisa's typing
5:10 Flatline (935) vs triple reactive (846) overlay, 9 core withdrawn vs 8 wing assertive + sexual dom need to broadcast self
9:53 SX 9 being hooked by something or catatonic
13:31 "When there's no juice, I go catatonic;" Using sharp objects to keep myself awake at school; Kaisa's flatline delivery of severe subjects
19:11 Head last energy
21:26 How are you feeling right now? (Regrounding, getting back to we-space)
24:33 Body vs head types processing in real-time
26:11 Difficult to rev my own engine, but it gets revved by SX things (SX 9 receptivity)
29:37 SX + double competence; collecting SX resources; eating so I smell good, sensitivity to smells
35:20 SX competency story -- collecting data
39:48 Soldier SX story; Transmuting anger into erotic release; self-regulation through sexual
47:44 Fulfilling SP blind needs via SX dom motivations
50:32 Out of body vs in body experience; re-inhabiting my body -- the 9 growth journey
53:31 Exploring SP blind; not recognizing mortality in our body
57:13 "Assertive" SX pursuit of crush with double withdrawn energy; & the SX/SO targeted magnetism dance 58:51 the urgency of SX dom
1:02:18 Boundaries & experiencing my distinctness 1:08:29 SX/SO "blurry friendships," different from Social
1:09:58 SX ecstasy, loss of self, now I can die in peace; Seeking "Essential Harmony" through SX
1:20:23 Renewing SX chemistry in stable relationships
1:24:49 Sexual chess; Advice for SX blinds
1:29:36 Closing, final reflections
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram9 #enneagramtype9 #enneagraminterview
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Gray and I have similar typing, and in this episode we explore what social 3 is "really wanting," underneath the stereotypical social 3's polish and comportment. This conversation gets to the heart of the Social 3 in a way that meant a lot to me personally. Enjoy.
Gray's YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/AugmentedPersonality
My website: https://www.joshlavine.com/
YouTube version: https://youtu.be/omMHtMOdB0g
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
3:05 Dropping in as social 3s; "camera on!" "I want to be real, but that doesn't mean my brain agrees that that's safe"; comfort in the metaconversation
6:22 Enneagram origin story; "essence" orientation & you're doing your type every 5 seconds; "I have to be an emblem of value"
13:07 3 going to 6; Sense of responsibility to bring this knowledge into the world; Surrendering your sword to something higher..
21:29 Triple-reactive adjacent 3 -- romanticizing my reactivity to make it an image I want to have, to give myself permission to be that way
30:57 Tracking other people
34:09 Gray's 6-fix inner ping pong ball, saying something and then reacting to what she just said, without prompting
36:14 9-fix vs 8-fix experience of social "vibe"; how secondary 6-fix supports Gray's "tracking"
44:40 Awareness of eyes on you; 8th grade performance story
50:15 Heart center & the gaze; when we're looking from behind our eyes at each other, all of a sudden, here we are together
52:56 What the social 3 is *really* wanting (!) beyond the song and dance (which is a bid for this)
56:45 Grief that the world is so dry of heart; frustration in the heart space
1:03:34 The "role and purpose of 3," according to Gray; seeing people accurately
1:09:55 Seeing & admiring preciousness; yet resisting "going there" with people
1:14:33 3's need for psychological safety as a precondition to show up -- and the growth for 3s to be authentic to BRING ABOUT psychological safety; risking being missed (the initial miss, to happen again)
1:21:12 What's this been like for you?
---
Music by Coma-Media from Pixabay
Coma-Media: https://pixabay.com/users/coma-media-24399569/
Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/
---
#enneagram #enneagramtypes #enneagram3 #enneagramtype3 #enneagraminterview
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