Episódios
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Sexuality is a basic human need, but in the dehumanizing environment of prison and jail, it is often prohibited, penalized or logistically impossible. After incarceration, a myriad of factors, including lack of experience, trauma from incarceration, and stigma associated with having been incarcerated can make it difficult for many formerly people to reconnect with their sexuality.
Although Joshua faced 4 years in prison, they are now a formerly incarcerated, openly genderqueer person, a community advocate for formerly incarcerated people, and a porn actor. In this episode, they describe their journey coping with the sexually repressed environment in prison and their journey figuring out how to be sexual after release.
During their period of incarceration, sex was never an option, access to flirting was almost never available, and procuring and using pornographic images became too much effort to bother. Eventually Joshua stopped masturbating and lost connection to their sexuality.
Nonetheless, during their period of incarceration, Joshua was able to work with Department of Corrections staff to develop a course on Gender and Sexuality taught to other people in the facility. The class was often academic in nature, but it still allowed people a space once a week to be a little more vulnerable and open about their desires and identity.
In prison, the only Joshua experienced touch was when faced with violence. They had to work through this trauma and their years of inexperience asking for dates and play partners, to find their way to trauma-sensitive and mutually consensual sex.
Driven by a racially discriminatory criminal justice system, 5% of the U.S. population has been incarcerated in their lifetimes and about 1 in 4 Black men have been incarcerated. This episode is a love note to these people and a window into the realities that people in prison face for anyone who knows, encounters, has sex with or loves a formerly incarcerated person.
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Becoming your authentic self, especially when your authentic desires conflict with the values in your family of origin, can be an incredibly difficult process. Today, Lupin identifies as a queer man, exploring polyamory and porn work. This wasn’t always this way and we talk with him as a beautiful moment of transition in his life, as he continues figuring out his new relationship to these identities and communities.
Growing up in a conservative environment in Virginia, Lupin didn’t have many connections to queer or non-monogamous people. He faced racial discrimination as a Black man and bullying from other kids, the combination of which made it even harder to come out.
After moving across the country to a more progressive environment, Lupin began to find queer, non-monogamous and more sexually open-minded communities. Nonetheless, the values of his family and community of origin continued to influence his way of being in these spaces. For example, the first time he filmed group porn scenes with Cliff Media, he was uniquely thoughtful about respect for performers’ enthusiastic consent, a value and habit he attributes to his mother.
What Lupin refers to as “unburying yourself” to find the life that makes you feel most free and authentic can be a challenging, multi-layered journey, especially when different perspectives and identities in life complicate the process. But to this point, Lupin describes his new life as “the happiest he’s ever been” and invites you into the shared experience of discovering the freedom to be yourself.
@Vanessacliff2
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Kink or BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism) is not just leather and dark dungeons. It’s also a way of relating to sexuality and other people, an opportunity to play with power, consensual pain, energy and roles. In this episode, Hannah shares the way kinks can not only heal specific traumas and fears, but also transform how you think about yourself and what is possible in your life.
As you push your boundaries in kink, allowing yourself to open up to new experiences, release societal expectations, and practice expressing your desires and boundaries, you gain a sense of personal power. As Hannah describes, feeling empowered becomes addicting. Once realizing that you can own your desires and boundaries in kink, you discover the ability to do so in other aspects of your non-sexual life, in your personal relationships, work environment, and way you walk in the world.
Hannah invites listeners into their personal journey of self-discovery through kink, outlines ways people can explore kink themselves, and become a bigger, stronger version of themselves.
@Vanessacliff2
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If you Google “sex during pregnancy”, you’ll get a lot of results about whether sex is OKAY, and the general consensus is you and your partner can go for it. Fewer articles explore the experience of having multiple partners during sex and loving it.
Vanessa and Anna, two pornstars and slutty people in their personal lives, share this lived experience. They each discuss different insecurities they faced related to slutting before, during and after pregnancy, including uncertainty about finding a supportive partner, changes in the body shape and appearance, and expectations around appropriate behavior during pregnancy.
It turns out, in their experience, pregnancy presents an awesome opportunity for sexuality. With romantic partners, it can be a uniquely intimate experience. When pursuing anonymous or one-off hookups, pregnancy can be a desirable kink. And the horniness of a pregnant person creates unique opportunities for exploring new experiences, including those that previously may have felt off-limits due to inhibitions.
With care to your sexual and emotional health, slutting while pregnant is not only possible, it can be arousing and fun for all parties involved.
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We love you! But if you're in one of the states that has passed age-verification laws, Cliff Media, our women and queer-led porn production company, can't share our content with you anymore :(
Usually, we love sharing sexy, silly videos that make viewers smile, feel loved, welcome, and seen. Unfortunately, today we have to share some tough news, and ask for your help.
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If you’ve ever fantasized about being at the center of a gangbang, you’re certainly not alone! A study released by PornHub found that “gangbang” was the 7th most popular search term for women. Turns out a lot of us want to get fucked by a horny crowd.
Roxie Valentine, a leader with Cliff Media, a women and queer-led porn production company, dishes on her recent experience starring in two gangbang scenes. She explains how she prepared physically and emotionally in the days leading up to the event, including how she got over feeling nervous. She also describes conversations about enthusiastic consent with participants in advance of the scenes that helped put her at ease and create a safer environment.
The gangbang scenes for Roxie were filled with sexual firsts, hot interactions, and some funny and awkward moments. Although being a trans woman is only a small part of her identity, it was one of the factors on her mind going into the event. Ultimately, Roxie’s comments before the scene and the culture of people in the group contributed to what she describes as a very positive experience.
Roxie concludes with some recommendations for ensuring that, regardless of your gender identity, your first gangbang is a safe and rockin’ good time.
@Vanessacliff2
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In this light-hearted episode, two long-term slutty queerdos - GeeGee and Vanessa - respond to listener questions about sex, kink, dating, relationships, gender identity, and desire.
GeeGee and Vanessa are both involved in kink and swinger communities, star in and direct porn, and have had partners of all genders. Yet, their answers to many of the questions end up being very different, a reminder that there is no one correct approach to sexuality but a whole world of options to explore.
Questions include:
“I haven’t been wanting sex lately because I’ve gained a lot of weight and I feel bad about my body. It’s hard to get it on while I’m feeling gross about myself. What can I do?”
“My partner and I are starting to explore non-monogamy. They want to do a full-swap but I’m nervous that seeing them have sex with someone else will make me jealous. How do I move past this?”
“I want to have sex with a friend who is trans but I’ve never done this. What do I call their body parts?”
“I can’t take anything bigger than a pinky finger in my ass. I’m a bi guy and I want to feel guys fuck me in the ass, but it’s still really painful for me. How do I get better at taking it?”
“My partner watches a lot of porn without me. Does this mean I’m not satisfying him? Is watching porn going to make him stop wanting me? Should I be worried?”
“I have a crush on this girl but I don’t know how to ask her out. How do I make a move?”
@Vanessacliff2
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Have you ever struggled to get or stay hard during sex? Loved or dated with someone whose dick stays soft? Been in a swinger situation where people with dicks in the room are embarrassed when they don’t get it up?
Both cocks that sometimes stay soft depending on the situation (e.g. with a new partner or during group sex) and cocks that are chronically soft (what doctors sometimes call “erectile dysfunction”) can be a source of embarrassment and frustration for dick owners. Steph, who has experienced life with a soft cock for many years now, describes their process of unlearning these negative emotions and reconnecting with their body.
From feeling so embarrassed that Steph avoided sex in their marriage to enjoying a career as a sex worker, NSFW content creator and porn performer, Steph has traveled a long road to experience confidence and pleasure in their sexuality. They are now active with an organization called Soft Cock Week that offers support for people with soft cocks and advocates to undo the stigma and embarrassment.
We close with some sex advice around how to have amazing sex without ever getting it up.
@Vanessacliff2
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The average age of attendance at group sex events is typically higher than the average in the general public. It takes some bravery and self-confidence to step so far outside social norms and share sexuality in front of other people. Even for older adults, group sex can be intimidating at first. David shares how he grew after his first experience with a gangbang and learned to feel comfortable and confident in group sex today.
David walks listeners through some of the basics, including how to find gangbang and orgy events and what to expect when you go. He also describes how he navigates the events as a young single guy and how he practices enthusiastic consent. Although David imagines potentially mixed responses if he told family and friends about his sexual adventures, he has found group sex to be a fun and life-affirming experience and encourages people who want to explore to give themselves permission to be happy.
David closes with advice for other young single men about how to move past the nervous awkwardness and pursue group sex in a way that is positive, consensual and fun for themselves and other group participants.
@Vanessacliff2
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“Complex personhood”, a concept from sociologist Avery Gordon, refers to the truth that we are all full of contradictions, neither victim nor perpetrator, neither fully wounded nor fully healed, always somewhere in between and both, stumbling as we search for ways to survive and thrive.
Sexuality is a huge part of our complex personhood. It can be a source of spiritual pain, destroying our sense of self and disconnecting us from others. And, the exact same sex acts, when given different meaning, can bring joy, passion, self-confidence, and deep connection.
In this episode, GeeGee shares their experience with sexual assault and its aftermath. In the months following the assault, GeeGee became hyper-sexual. This had a rough impact on their self-esteem and social life, including leading to a non-consensual encounter that left them struggling with long-term guilt.
Eventually, GeeGee embarked on an intentional journey of personal healing, finding it in their heart to forgive both the person who assaulted them and themself. They learned that slutty sex itself was not the problem, but rather how they pursued sex and what it had meant in their lives. Today, GeeGee continues to have sex with lots of people, but through social connections and strong personal boundaries that are life-giving and positive.
This episode steps away from the often over-simplified narrative of sexual assault. GeeGee’s story offers survivors a reminder that everyone processes and responds to trauma differently, including the nonlinear path of reclaiming a sense of autonomy and personal power.
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Porn and full-service sex work are often described as demeaning professions, something a person would do only out of financial desperation, trauma, addiction or coercion. Pixie Mae presents a more nuanced perspective.
Many sex workers have spoken out against policies meant to “rescue” them from their chosen profession. Indeed, “the right to not be rescued” is one of the 6 rights identified by Sangram, a global sex worker organization.
Through her years as a sex worker, Pixie has found personal power in the work, using her body and sexual creativity as a source of financial independence, Like 1 in 3 women, Pixie has survived sexual trauma; her sex work has helped her heal and reclaim her sexual agency. She also sees her clients experience healing and emotional growth through her work.
In a society that tells us that our work is reproachable, Pixie offers affirmation and recommendations for sex workers looking to reclaim their personal power.
@Vanessacliff2
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In mainstream media, autism is often depicted as a deterrent to successful romantic or sexual relationships. Steph presents an alternate perspective: autism is a different way of thinking and being that can be harnessed as interpersonal superpowers. For example, autistic people are often highly empathetic, have a strong moral compass and are more comfortable with direct communication. Autism can also be associated with different sensory and sexual desires. Embracing, rather than trying to “fix” these differences allows for a world of exciting freedom and possibility.
Both academic research and Steph’s personal and community experience suggest that forms of non-traditional sexuality, including kink, polyamory and queerness, are more prevalent among autistic people than the general public. Steph describes how BDSM kink allowed them to reconnect with their sexuality as they discovered the importance of novelty and sensation for the way they think and experience the world.
Comfort with thinking outside social norms and communicating their feelings directly with others now helps Steph sustain successful polyamorous relationships. Their partner joins us off-camera to discuss ways they interact with Steph’s neurodivergent thinking and communication styles.
This episode offers autistic people and their loved ones support and ideas in their journey of self-exploration and authentic sexual and romantic connections.
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STI testing is the bedrock of a sustainable sex life, for everyone and especially for happily slutty adults. Most STIs today are easily identified and cured or treated. However, without easy access to testing and early detection, STIs can have devastating life consequences. Stigma, discrimination, fear, and lack of financial investment in preventive sexual healthcare all contribute to more difficulty accessing testing.
Madame X, a career-long nurse, joins us to discuss her experiences and perspectives on STIs. In her teens, Madame X contracted chlamydia. Without access to testing, she ended up finding out about the disease only after it had progressed to the point of needing hospitalization and causing irreparable damage to her reproductive organs.
Although information about and access to testing has improved over the years, today Madame X continues to see barriers to STI testing both in her personal and professional experience. She identifies some of the structural problems that limit access to preventive sexual healthcare and also describes ways that patients can advocate for themselves and help each other to access care.
@Vanessacliff2
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Dating in the straight world often comes with a lot of gendered assumptions about who takes initiative, in what ways, and what sexual interactions look like. Unlearning these assumptions can be tough when beginning to pursue dates or relationships with queer folks.
Although Orion has had anonymous gay sex for two decades, he is just beginning to explore dating queer people in the light of day. In this episode, Orion interviews Vanessa, asking questions for advice on effective, kind and respectful ways to approach queer dating.
Vanessa is pansexual and has dated people of all genders, including queer and trans folks since she was 14. She caveats her perspective as limited to the life experience of a cisgender woman, including the suggestion that all dating interactions may be best approached from a beginner’s mindset, learning about each individual and their preferences.
Her proposals for respectful approaches to dating also have some universal application, including for straight men.
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Being silly is often dismissed as frivolous, inappropriate and childish, incompatible with adult responsibilities. But a lot of research shows that silly play can be a life-giving activity, increasing creativity, reducing anxiety, and deepening social connections.
While T.Max has always enjoyed being silly in playful hobbies like snowboarding and skateboarding, over the last few years, they have begun applying the same mentality to BDSM kink play. Far from the popular imagination of BDSM as whips and screaming submission in a dungeon, T.Max describes an approach to kink that includes flowers, giggles, candles and easy-going exploration.
The approach to kink that T.Max describes is not for everyone, but it does offer an entry point to kink that may feel more accessible to many people. It also presents a mindset of curiosity and openness to asking and receiving no’s that allows for trying new things while still centering enthusiastic consent.
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For many people, polyamory offers a host of benefits, like sexual and emotional freedom, deep connections with multiple people, and an abundance of love. However, it’s not without challenges, like balancing time between partners and managing jealousy and expectations.
The transition from monogamy to polyamory can be rocky for people new to an idea that isn’t often represented in media and societal expectations. Adrian describes their first transition into open relationships, including their initial struggle with self-doubt and shame. Eventually, they found other polyamorous partners and developed self-acceptance around their relationship desires. They also continued learning through the experience of dating a previously monogamous partner and exploring polyamory for the first time.
Today, Adrian leads a discussion and support group on health polyamory. Through this group, they have seen many couples new to polyamory studying and discussing how to enter this world. They share patterns they have observed and recommendations on how to best shed the “monogamy hangover” to enter into sustainable and positive non-monogamy.
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When filming porn or exploring kink, like impact play, bondage, or humiliation, consent becomes more complex and nuanced than off-camera or vanilla sex. Hazel Havoc, a long-time pro-domme, pornstar and personal life kinkster, explains methods to ensure that all participants are experiencing BDSM and porn in a way that is positive and desirable.
Hazel uses a variety of communication strategies to prepare for scenes that range in their depth and formality depending on the circumstances. She shares the little card she keeps in her wallet to remind her of the categories of questions to check in about before play. She also describes the longer questionnaire she uses with more professional, complex scenes. Even with ample preparation, not every situation works for all participants; safe words, repair and aftercare are also important components of positive sex.
These approaches may be most useful for people engaging in BDSM play, or producing or starring in porn. However, the ethos of extensive conversation before, during and after play can also apply to less kinky sexual play and vanilla romantic partnerships, wherein negotiation deepens connection and trust.
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Please note that this episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.
Everyone processes relationship jealousy and traumatic experiences, like sexual assault, differently. Some people find that avoiding situations that cause jealousy and avoiding situations that remind them of their past experiences of assault help them remain emotionally healthy.
While these strategies are useful for many, Vanessa shares a different, potentially unconventional approach she uses to release trauma, fear and jealousy. Rather than avoiding the jealousy-provoking or triggering experiences, she leans into them, exposing herself to them in intimate settings, asking her partners for help eroticizing them through kink and sexual play.
Hearing intense details about the sexual activities of her partners and roleplaying with consensual non-consent (CNC) have allowed Vanessa to overcome years of struggle with these feelings. She offers recommendations for how this approach may be helpful for people exploring options to overcome fears like relationship abandonment and assault.
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Society’s dominant cultural narratives suggest that most couples would prefer the security of monogamous marriage. However, the explosive popularity of hotwife and swinger porn genres makes it clear that many couples, even straight married couples, have an interest in exploring more slutty, open relationship styles.
Orion Pax takes us on his journey of uncovering why he is so drawn to slutty women, especially women who have sex with anonymous men, attend adult theaters, or participate in gangbangs. He explains what emotional meaning and intimacy he derives from these relationships. He also shares how some relationships he thought were rooted in the woman’s authentic desire for slutting turned into something more monogamous.
He concludes with lessons for how to identify women who authentically desire slutty sex and how to sustain healthy meaningful connections in this relationship style.
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Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer was a lot harder several decades ago. Many people coped with the fear of unsafety by staying in the closet, resulting in the less often discussed experience of coming out in middle age or later in life.
While there’s more acceptance and support of queer lives today that makes it a little easier and safer for young people to come out, there are still many parts of the country where being LGBTQ is hard or even dangerous.
Local queer community leader, T.Max, came of age in conservative rural America in the 1980s where they coped with bullying and physical assault for perceived queerness by staying in the closet. Their story of survival and their choice to come out decades later at age 50 is relatable for young queer people struggling to survive today, as well as older adults exploring what T.Max refers to as a “second adolescence”.
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