Episódios
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🔸 “I have to be good at this”
2️⃣ Triangles and check-in tips🔹 Parts:
P “The rehearser” narrates everything. P Jittery, won’t let me go deep, everything gets suspended. And *you’re not gonna follow through*. Don’t even start. P “on the spot” Anxious about it being there. P Agenda, figure it out. How will I know? P Frustrated about “don’t even start” P “I have to be good at this” protecting: E voiceless, powerless. P “Adult self”, invalidating, shutting down other parts.2️⃣
P The mask. Having to get it right. Thinks im 7 (maybe). Needs me to get more sleep. E humiliation
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🔸 Alethea Hanna is a trauma recovery coach with IFS Level II training. She is passionate about the IFS model and looks forward to the day when everyone can regularly experience the relief of looking at and listening to their parts with love. She can be reached at [email protected]
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🔸 The cost of youthfulness; making sense of “You’re ugly”
2️⃣ The precious house, where the little girl was almost strangled to death.🔹 Parts:
P Everything is my fault, im a monster, im selfish. P Afraid of change, the new relationship, having someone say he loves me P ”I'm able to make somebody feel good??” Afraid I will soar too high P/E? I’ll go under if someone leaves (and if i'm not ugly). E knotted up, fear stricken, awaiting ultimate punishment. Nothing stays, nothing to hold on to, everything leaves. Maybe 5-82️⃣
Ice cold exclusion, utter despair and pain Panic: “if he sees behind the mask, sees how ugly I am, then he will leave me too” E: 6, 7, 8 - grandma disappearing is all my fault. Taking on gaurdian's shame. Have to put on a mask to show the world What a good granddaughter I am, Grandad and mom never talked to me about it. Nasty kettle. Bottomless guilt. Mom will do anything to tame that strong will. Wants a desert, place without walls, nothing hard, without judgement, can sink into sand.🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Don’t know. Maybe not much. Felt bad ending the call where we did but it didn’t seem too disruptive. Not sure how to handle when a part says “don’t leave” and I'm like “ok time to go”. I’ll try to get Mio in again soon, but I'm also curious how she handles it on her own.
2️⃣
Kept my foot on the gas the whole time; not stopping to check with every protector. Felt right.
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🔸 Getting to matter
🔹 Parts:
P: Realist, tired of the rollercoaster P: Enthusiasm & Inspiration P: We've done this before E: Dismissible. Gymnast. Just wanted her mom to care. Not allowed to have reaction to being told no.
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🔸 1️⃣ Beyond committed. The art and science of figuring out your entire self
2️⃣ Deep down bad parts. It’s crazy the way kids are treated.
📌 1️⃣ Olivia Followed up: i will say-- i actually wish i talked more about this on the pod but the mdma aftermath isn't always a treat, there are actually some big feelings of turmoil afterwards, you kind of feel like your life is a mess for a couple weeks because stuff is hitting you. i felt that way and my friend also felt that way... but the ensuing clarity and breakthroughs are worth it
it's like you're ripped open a bit and then enable to heal
though the healing still requires a good amount of work or at least it did in my case, i found it hard to even do my job for a week, and i was constantly feeling like, how do i figure out this maze of feels?!
james: Ive not experienced that negative side, but maybe I had less I was needing (or willing) to heal
Olivia: i'm definitely willing to believe it's different for everyone
my friend for instance, i dont think she would even say she did a lot of work to get to her breakthrough
she was just a mess for 2 weeks and then had kind of a sudden realization🔹 Parts:
P: holds tension, clenching chest, hanging on to sense of dread. Needs manager not rush on to new shiney P: manager “if I don’t watch this how will I learn” a person glued to the screen P: tape playing, carrying the memories. I love my memories! P: managers are bad! Read the IFS book!🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
1️⃣ Do differently? No; whatever got me here, to this place, with this person, makes me glad I did everything the way did.
Cynical part's answer: quit Live IFS, start Live MDMA.
2️⃣ It’s been 2+ weeks of high stress / high stakes stuff for me. I've been increasingly concerned about the effects on my health, multiple ailments reappearing. Today was *my* do whatever day, finally vacation day. I just lounged around, fed the crows, stretched a lot, ate what & when I wanted, skipped exercise (and that ~hour of call prep I normally do). So this was fitting.
When I start getting sick, my “figure it out” part takes over, researching like mad, making a project out of it, documenting everything, reviewing old notes. But lately I've been working with it more, taking it seriously, and allowing that process to complete. Then I actually arrive at “I've read enough, made enough todos and appts, time for that part to rest. Let's try calm, space, and see what intuition (now more informed) brings.
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🔸 A floating freight train
🔹 Parts:
Bullshit detector Freight train of sadness Get a compliment then fall apart🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I coulda been a little quicker on the draw. Kinda feel that way about all my calls. But. I have time. I rarely regret taking it
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🔸 Overwhelming beauty: Charlotte's wins and/or "too high on life"
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Climate control new IFS room. Oh, it was Frank Anderson saying "source", not Jay Early.
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🔸 What are the consequences of being vulnerable? Of trusting men? An experiment.
🔹 Parts:
Ps: Put it all out there v. hold back E: 14 responsible, get a job, romantic partners E: love and acceptance from male role models🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Do differently: prepare better for midday calls, I'm often a little slow out of the gate. Grateful for Christine's leadership, which refocused the session multiple times.
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🔸 Doing it wrong and the real fear chat with James.
🔹 Parts:
P: Judgement about watching tv, should be more noble and spiritual. Puts a bow on it, labeling it. Too much content. Stuff going on at 3 is a boring old story. Frustrated others can’t read my mind. Where do i fit in? (Same burden as exiles) P: “You’re not real and you don’t belong” (same as above?) P: fear of above, of it taking over. Just needs the physical needs met, tuck in at night. E: 7 yo protected by p1 E: 5 yo unseen🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Day 4 of deep relaxation, a personal vacation, have been doing lots of my own parts work. I'd like to do more to maintain continuity; "doing it wrong" gives us these glimpses, and when they're share with me (not Justine-Self), I should take more responsibility for following up.
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🔸 Overwhelmed puzzler, a problem I'm not in the middle of.
🔹 Parts:
Walking in a pool of grief Crying when thinking about being held The clouds, don’t know, not sure, can’t place things, feel lost Overwhelmed, about parts, work, about life. You don’t understand how complex that is. Sad about the overwhelmed Puzzler Figure it out Pusher🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I can’t explain every decision made in targeting. We can move quickly, I want to keep looking out for it being too quick.
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🔸 Hot date heartache. Making it safe to want.
🔹 Parts:
P: the deep well. Feeling left out, parts that are hurt. i’m not acceptable, there’s something wrong with me, im ugly, old, unlovable. longing to be loved and recognized but asking for it will bring ridicule P: scared, hopeless, it will swallow me up. The want is too big. P: judge. who do you think you are, you want too much. Judging the anger of: E: (same as first?) angry 2 year old hitting her sister. felt robbed, little sister sucked up all the oxygen. Needs told she’s adorable and lovable and amazing! Wants to be held and also let go. I have to be angry cuz if not, I will die. Cut the cords to the surveillance apparatus. P: angry, being punished by God E: 6-7 yo experience the loss. angry. Everything I do is wrong! Am I really this monster? Shunted away🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Faster targeting. I know I sound off, a little short. Not feeling tip-top today. And parts increasingly frustrated w my yielding to story-telling. Maybe we should start charging by the hour. Joke. But I imagine the constraint of a 1-hour time limit used by most professionals has its upsides. “Yes you could tell me a story… and now we have 48 minutes to do the work…” I'm not complaining from a “waste my time” part, that’s not it. More like “I could serve better if I had some policy here”.
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🔸 Family loss. She needed there to be more of a network
🔹 Parts:
P: minimizer. This is fine now, nothing to see here. Family image protector. Never look back. Doesn’t want a bunch of whining, it’s weak to be bothered by things that aren’t horrible. “Self like” is not gonna get the job done E: kid from whom something was taken. There weren’t other adults. I want my auntie. Too much focus on her. Nobody explained.🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Once I was certain about Theresa’s connection w exile, I relaxed and let some other of my parts (who love talking shop w T) step in. Maybe not ideal. But definitely better than starting a session that way.
As for the concept of "inviting the Self of someone else’s parts", it's never felt right to me. If someone was not good to me, who am I serving by imagining they were? Self can do anything for its parts; “I am here, I can go to where you are, and here’s how I would help” builds trust and heals, in the present. Or Self can "see that these were parts of [other person], and have compassion for their system”, in the present. But I think "imagine he was good to you" risks invalidating a part's experience.
Responding to “she needed those relationships not to end” I could have reiterated, "what did she need from someone (you), given those relationships were ending."
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🔸 The one who won't use her voice
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Something. Not sure.
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🔸 MDMA. Hide the body parts!
*Note: Olivia is not a pot head🔹 Parts:
P: The ones who block the body part fear. Manager can’t step back cuz no analysis and method. Afraid of fear of Gatekeeper. P: ”body” part, best thing ever, gives joy meaning. Expansive access. Leads to: E: Grief of losing ex if I find out, Im irredeemable, everything is ruined.🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
I had my own sense of "futility", not in a bad way. It was when we realized gatekeepers just want Self's presence, so why am I talking? It can feel kinda haha self-defeating.
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🔸 People don’t take you seriously when you’re excited
🔹 Parts:
P: School teacher: You shouldn’t be this excited. You make a fool of yourself, you overwhelm people with the way you are.. don’t be embarrassing. calm equals effective. Rather be helping w understanding. Thinks im 7. P: Excited. Why are you raining on our parade? P: Efficient E: 15yo got really excited, jumped up on desk. Get in trouble. Get banished. Disconnection E: 7, maybe, finally spoke up and regretted it
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🔸 Unboxing "Spoiling Christmas"
🔹 Parts:
P (target) has to do it all or else nothing will get done. On its own P trying to create the magic of Christmas P this commercial stuff bullshit P worth from things , the currency of love P you have to be the best, you’re not doing it right. P the elves. Exiles too dangerous!: PE: told ruined Xmas , shroud over! E black sheep. Age 5. I'm on my own and no one is coming. There’s no one who knows me the way I need to be known. Not fair that I was the difficult one. There's nobody. Angry🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
If it wasn’t audio-only, I can imagine saying even less. Justine asks for my guidance when she needs it, and doesn’t when she doesn’t.
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🔸 Pushing
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🔸 Another lovely day at the park. The unfinished bits, untangling, rewinding.
📌 Genie followed up:i had made a conscious decision before that session, to fully 'go there' - wherever 'there' was - and not to 'try' doing anything - no figuring, no thinking, no looking for answers, no wondering how i was coming across, whether it was 'real' or not, no trying to be...anything/something or other. kind of like a trust falling exercise. just let go and do it. the reason being, i wanted to know once and for all if i could trust this IFS thing. and best way to find out was to see how it felt when i was at my most vulnerable. i think the whole - 'you don't have much time left, make a choice' vs 'evaluate, consider, reflect before jumping in' parts were actually about that. about making a choice about ifs. and it was kinda mind blowing. i let go, i fell - and it was all good. better than good! it wasn't just about trusting ifs - it was about trusting me, trusting you and me, trusting not just that i would be safe - but that there would actually be positive benefits - like i would be.... hmm, different? changed? more? ... can't quite find the word - but better in some way that was more than just not being hurt or feeling unsafe. i'm still really grateful and appreciative of all the skeptical, risk management, requiring proof/data, be careful parts - cos they helped me figure out how to conduct this experiment. and they have sure kept me safe in the past! they still can't fully explain the outcome of the experiment - but they accept the results. which were basically a big fat - go for it! lol. so just wanted to explain that and let you know how grateful i am to you! i mean - i didn't even tell you that you were part of an experiment - (which now feels a little unethical! sorry!) and the end result was - that despite those doubtful parts not being able to explain how this whole thing works - they can see that it does.
🔹 Parts:
make choices now. No time to waste. Agitates, gives energy. Choices are not always life and death. Just pick one. It’s irresponsible to waste your time and talent. You might as well be dead regret, more like reflecting summarizing. We can’t make a choice without evaluating. Protects a: cute little child/multiple ages who is lost. They like butterflies sadness overwhelms. Doesn’t know how to not overwhelm. Where does it come from?! “I ain’t nice, you don’t wanna get to know me”… it’s a long story. Needs james to pass the test re calm, no sirens.
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🔸 Alethea Hanna is a trauma recovery coach with IFS Level II training. She is passionate about the IFS model and looks forward to the day when everyone can regularly experience the relief of looking at and listening to their parts with love.
She can be reached at [email protected].
🎓 What Alethea would like to do differently:
I should have ended the session sooner. I think both of us were motivated by the desire for Alex to experience a satisfying shift, which made me less attentive to the parts of myself that were starting to feel tired. There is a segment (1:55:52-2:07:54) when we're discussing whether to keep going that I would have edited out (so feel free to fast forward there!) This is where I should have ended the session, assuring Alex that we would meet again. Fortunately she was able to spend time with a key part after that, so all's well that ends well.
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🔸 The diplomat & actress.
🔹 Parts:
Accommodating calm veneer until overload. Rather be pampering me. thinks im 6-7. Is this the same as?: Big sister guilt, everything is my fault. If I’m not accommodating, I’m bad. The young one, (same as blue overalls?) she is so torn because she’s getting the message that everything is her fault. Made her feel so alone and so unprotected. And so trapped, she can’t do anything over again.. I want to hold your hand (w little sister allies). 2.5yo so angry my sister! I wanted one so much Grade school sneaky math, grades Teen🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Experimenting with hitting the gas, striking while the iron's hot; Mio's a veteran. Maybe with hindsight I would do differently but it all felt right at the time.
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