Episódios
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Welcome to the final Episode for this year! We will be back with new episodes in 2025.
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Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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In this episode of we dive deep into the "martyr mode," a coping style often discussed in schema therapy. We explore what it means to have a martyr complex or mode, how it shows up in relationships, and the emotional dynamics that fuel this behaviour.
Key topics covered include:
The defining traits of the martyr mode and how it may stem from deeper emotional wounds, unmet needs and emotional deprivation.The guilt-inducing and manipulative aspects of martyr behaviour, and its impact on relationships with children, partners, and others.How this mode can flip between seeking validation, playing the victim, and striving for indispensability.Insights into the covert ways martyrs seek emotional control and validation, often leaving others feeling resentful or guilty.Practical advice for recognizing and addressing martyr tendencies in yourself or dealing with someone exhibiting this behavior.Whether you're navigating a relationship with someone in this mode or noticing these patterns within yourself, this episode offers valuable insights and strategies for creating healthier dynamics.
If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to FOLLOW the show and share it with others who might benefit from this discussion.
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Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Healthy Adult Daily Practice: An Intentional Reflection Tool
In this episode, Gemma introduces a practical tool called Healthy Adult Daily Practice, designed to help you strengthen and nurture your Healthy Adult mode. Building on the foundational features of the Healthy Adult mode discussed in the previous episode, this episode walks you through a simple, intentional practice that can be integrated into your daily life to promote emotional resilience, self-awareness, and healthier relationships.
What You'll Learn in This Episode:
What is the Healthy Adult Mode?A quick recap of its foundational characteristics: mindfulness, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and more.How embodying the Healthy Adult mode supports wiser, more compassionate decision-making and self-management.Healthy Adult Daily Practice Tool:Set Your Intention: Choose one Healthy Adult quality (e.g., patience, empathy, gratitude, self-care) to focus on for the day.Daily Embodiment: Actively embody this quality in your actions, thoughts, and interactions throughout the day.End-of-Day Reflection: Evaluate how you embodied this quality, reflect on challenges, and identify lessons learned for future growth.Why This Practice Works:The importance of intentionality and repetition in developing new neural pathways.How this practice builds emotional resilience and integrates Healthy Adult traits into your personality over time.By engaging with this tool, you'll build greater self-awareness, foster healthier relationships, and develop the emotional resilience to face life's challenges with confidence and clarity.
Reflection Questions for Healthy Adult Daily Practice:
What Healthy Adult quality will I focus on tomorrow?Why is this quality meaningful or important to me right now?How do I plan to incorporate this quality into my daily life?How did I embody this quality today?What challenges did I face in practicing this quality?How did this practice influence my interactions, decisions, or emotions?Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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In this episode, Gemma dives into the cornerstone of schema therapy: the Healthy Adult mode. This is the part of us that represents balance, wisdom, and compassion—our best self that helps us navigate relationships, emotions, and life’s challenges effectively.
What You’ll Learn:
Mindfulness: Why mindfulness is the foundational building block for self-awareness, self-reflection, and personal growth.The Healthy Adult as Executor: How this mode acts as the caretaker, director, and overseer of all other modes.The Wise and Courageous Self: The importance of facing reality, leaning into discomfort, and making wise, courageous decisions.The Compassionate Self: How to practice genuine compassion toward yourself and others without overextending or self-sacrificing.The Good Parent: Prioritizing meaningful self-care and addressing unhealthy coping strategies to nurture yourself like a loving parent would.Self-Awareness and Growth: Recognizing your schemas and embracing psychological awareness to create meaningful change.Flexibility and Openness: Developing an open, adaptable mindset to navigate life’s ups and downs without rigidity.Why This Episode Matters:
Understanding and strengthening your Healthy Adult mode is central to breaking unhelpful patterns and living authentically. Gemma shares practical insights and strategies to help you embrace this transformative aspect of yourself.
Resources Mentioned:
Book recommendation: Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young.Previous episode: "You’re Not Your Diagnosis."Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Good Mood Hub
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
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theredflagproject.com
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the concept of trauma bonding, shedding light on why some people feel emotionally tethered to unhealthy or toxic relationships. Drawing from listener questions she explores the psychological mechanisms behind trauma bonds, including the powerful dynamic of the "good-bad ratio" and how it can replicate patterns from childhood.
Gemma also discusses how schemas—such as abandonment, mistrust/abuse, and defectiveness—can make individuals more vulnerable to trauma bonding and highlights the role of manipulative behaviors like love bombing, gaslighting, and boundary-pushing in these relationships.
If you've ever wondered why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship or felt stuck in cycles of abuse, this episode is essential listening.
Topics Covered:
What is a Trauma Bond? How emotional connections form in abusive or toxic relationships.The Abuse Cycle: Key stages like love bombing, boundary-pushing, and manipulation that create and reinforce trauma bonds.The Role of Schemas: Why unresolved schemas, such as abandonment or mistrust/abuse, make it harder to leave.Breaking the Cycle: How understanding the "good-bad ratio" in relationships can help you regain clarity and self-worth.Red Flags to Watch For: Love bombing, arrogance, and other warning signs of toxic relationships.How to Heal: The importance of schema work, slowing down in relationships, and taking steps toward self-reflection and recovery.Additional Resources:
If you’re ready to explore this further, check out Breaking Free From Love-Traps, a self-paced mini-course that unpacks why we’re drawn to certain partners and how to break free from unhealthy patterns. Visit The Red Flag Project for more details.
Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
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email: [email protected]
Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
theredflagproject.com
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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This episode will resonate with anyone struggling with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility to others and those who feel “stuck” in cycles of overgiving.
Defining the Self-Sacrifice Schema: How it drives people to prioritize others’ needs over their own, even to their detriment.Origins of the Schema: Common family dynamics that foster self-sacrifice, such as growing up with an over-entitled or narcissistic parent, or being cast into the rescuer role in the drama triangle.The Schema's Impact on Relationships: Why those with a strong self-sacrifice schema often attract self-absorbed partners and struggle to set boundaries.Enmeshment and Self-Sacrifice: How enmeshment can fuel self-sacrifice by creating a sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and well-being.Schemas and Coping Styles: Different coping modes, including surrendering to, avoiding, or overcompensating for the schema.The Role of Guilt and Empathic Distress: How these emotions fuel self-sacrifice behaviors and make it difficult to prioritize self-care.Practical Exercises: Techniques like chair work to identify core beliefs tied to self-sacrifice and to build a healthier relationship with oneself.
In this solo episode, Gemma dives deep into the self-sacrifice schema, exploring how it manifests, its origins in family dynamics, and the toll it takes on those who constantly prioritize others over themselves. This schema, often seen in people who struggle with setting boundaries, can lead to burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth.
Gemma delves into the drama triangle—the roles of victim, rescuer, and persecutor—and explains how these dynamics often shape and reinforce the self-sacrifice schema. Additionally, she examines the enmeshment schema, which often appears alongside self-sacrifice, further complicating one’s ability to differentiate personal needs from the needs of others.
Topics covered include:Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEGet the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schemaSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE! Spots are limited. Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEGet the FREE GUIDE - Dating with an abandonment schemaIn this episode, Gemma explores the emotional and psychological barriers that often arise when dating. Whether you’re re-entering the dating scene or currently navigating it, this episode will help you identify and manage common sources of anxiety.
Topics discussed:
Fear of rejection or judgmentPressure to make a good impressionAttachment styles and schemasOverthinking and self-criticismFear of repeating past patternsCultural and societal expectationsUncertainty of the unknownPhysical and mental effects of anxietyThroughout the episode, Gemma offers mindset shifts and practical tips to help you feel more calm, confident, and authentic in your dating journey.
Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficial
How to Connect for relationship & dating content:Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
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https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Exciting Announcement - Join Our New Group Coaching Program
Exciting News: Join Our New Group Coaching Program for Women –
Date Differently - Secure your place now - SIGN UP BY 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
Come and join us live for six 90-min group sessions designed to revamp your approach to dating and get you feeling hopeful & confident again! Plus added bonuses.Summary - Introducing our new 6-week online group coaching program for women called Date Differently. If you're navigating the complexities of dating, struggling with emotionally unavailable partners, or feeling triggered by past patterns, this supportive group coaching experience is designed for you.
The Date Differently program will draw from material in our signature course, The Red Flag Project, which has recently been revamped with new content. This course, hosted on wearebesties.com, covers essential topics like schemas, red flags, and how to avoid emotionally unavailable partners. For anyone joining the Date Differently program, we highly recommends completing the course beforehand (or alongside the group coaching) to get the most out of the sessions.
Key Takeaways:
Date Differently is a 6-week program starting 6th November, created to help women navigate the dating world with more confidence and self-trust.The group sessions will focus on schemas that affect relationship choices, identifying red flags, and making healthier decisions when dating.The Red Flag Project course is an essential companion to the coaching program, providing deeper insights into emotional unavailability and dating patterns.How to Join:
Date Differently - Group Coaching Program: For more information or to sign up for Date Differently. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!The Red Flag Project Course: Access the newly revamped course on wearebesties.com/courses. A special discount code is available for a limited tiSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
theredflagproject.com
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Special Announcements:
New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEHow to Connect for relationship & dating content:
Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficialSummary: In this episode, Gemma and Justine explore how the Abandonment Schema impacts dating and relationships. They discuss the core beliefs tied to this schema, such as the fear of being left or replaced, and how it can cause anxiety and insecurity even in the early stages of dating. They dive into how the schema is often triggered by ambiguity in communication, delayed responses, or inconsistent behavior from partners, and how these triggers can lead to overthinking and self-doubt.
They also share practical tips for dating more mindfully with an Abandonment Schema, including identifying red flags early, managing emotional triggers, and setting healthy boundaries to avoid staying in unfulfilling relationships for too long.
Key Takeaways:
The Abandonment Schema can make dating feel unstable and trigger fears of rejection or being left behind, even when it's not warranted.It’s essential to recognize early signs of emotional unavailability and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce old patterns.Learn to manage triggers and address abandonment fears through self-awaSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Special Announcements:
New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEHow to Connect for relationship & dating content:
Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficial
Summary: In this replay of a popular episode, Gemma and Justine discuss the often-exhausting experience of dating fatigue. They explore why dating can feel so draining, particularly when navigating dating apps, dealing with rejection, or repeatedly encountering emotionally unavailable partners. Whether you're re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship or have faced a series of short-term connections that haven’t worked out, this episode offers helpful insights into handling the ups and downs of dating.Gemma and Justine emphasize the importance of social support and authenticity in dating, encouraging listeners to remain grounded and true to themselves. They also dive into common dating mistakes, such as ignoring red flags or putting on personas to appear "perfect" or easygoing. They remind listeners that staying true to yourself is key to building lasting, meaningful connections.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding Dating Fatigue: It's normal to feel exhausted or discouraged when dating, especially after repeated disappointments or endless swiping on apps. Acknowledge that dating can beSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
theredflagproject.com
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Special Announcements:
New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP NOW FOR BIG DISCOUNTSignature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEHow to Connect for relationship & dating content:
Website: The Red Flag ProjectEmail: [email protected]: theredflagprojectofficial
Episode Summary:In this episode, we explore the challenges of navigating casual sex culture and hookup culture, particularly for individuals with abandonment schemas, emotional deprivation schemas, or anxious attachment styles. Join us as we discuss common scenarios, the emotional impacts of casual encounters, and strategies for those seeking meaningful relationships.
Key Discussion Points:
The Rise of Casual Sex Culture:
We delve into how dating apps and societal expectations have normalized casual encounters, particularly for women who may feel pressured to conform.Understanding Your Emotional Triggers:
We discuss how casual sex can activate abandonment schemas and emotional wounds, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety post-encounter.Common Scenarios in Dating:
We share stories of women who experience heartache after one-night stands, leaving them questioning their worth and what went wrong.Reframing the Narrative:
We emphasize the importance of recognizing that there is nothing inherently wrong with you if a casual encounter doesn’t lSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!
In this thoughtful Mailbox episode, Justine and Gemma respond to a listener’s heartfelt question about navigating the confusion between green flags and subtle red flags in a relationship. 'Laura', the listener, describes her experience dating a man who seemed like a wonderful partner—kind, attentive, successful, and emotionally vulnerable. However, despite these positive qualities, Laura noticed subtle signs of emotional detachment and avoidance that left her questioning whether she was overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.
Gemma and Justine guide 'Laura' through the process of recognizing that what she saw as subtle red flags were, in fact, pretty significant signs of deeper issues. They discuss how behaviors like rushing into intimacy, oversharing trauma early on, and withdrawing during difficult conversations are often clear markers of emotional unavailability. These red flags can be easily overlooked when our schemas—particularly abandonment or anxious attachment schemas—get in the way, making us doubt our instincts or take too much responsibility for relationship challenges.
Gemma and Justine emphasize that Laura’s experience is a common one, especially for those whose schemas may cloud their ability to accurately assess a partner’s behavior. They offer practical advice on how to trust your instincts, stay attuned to how you feel in a relationship, and avoid the trap of self-blame when things don’t seem to add up.
Topics discussed:
Emotional vulnerability vs. trauma bonding: Understanding when vulnerability feels meaningful versus when it’s used to create a quick emotional connection that isn’t sustainable.Rushing intimacy: Why too much attention or time too quickly can signal unmet emotional needs in the other person, rather than a healthy, steady connection.Emotional withdrawal: How detachment during sex, lack of affection,Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Special Announcements:
New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFE
In this episode, Gemma & Justine dive into a listener's question that touches on the emotional impact of casual sex, particularly for those who struggle with an abandonment schema. Using a listener’s experience with one-night stands and emotional triggers, we explore how unresolved attachment wounds can complicate what is often thought of as a carefree encounter. They discuss why casual sex may not feel so casual for individuals with abandonment wounds and offer insights into why emotional responses can be heightened in these situations.Key Takeaways:
Emotional Attachment During Casual Sex: Even if the intent is to keep things casual, those with an abandonment schema often experience deep emotional responses, which can make casual sex far more complicated.The Role of Childhood Trauma: Unmet emotional needs from childhood, such as parental abandonment or lack of care, can resurface during intimate encounters, leading to feelings of vulnerability or sadness.Understanding the Schema’s Influence: Individuals with an abandonment schema may unconsciously seek emotional connection and validation during casual encounters, despite knowing logically that the interaction is meant to be non-committal.Navigating "Situationships": Long-term casual sexual relationships may develop emotional attachments, further reinforcing feelings of rejection and abandonment when the other partner doesn’t reciprocate deeperSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
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Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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In this episode, we unpack the complexities of the entitlement schema—a schema that's often linked to narcissistic traits and one that rarely brings individuals to therapy. Unlike schemas like abandonment or self-sacrifice, those with an entitlement schema often believe their way of thinking is justified, which makes it hard to seek change. We explore how this schema is formed, how it manifests in relationships, and what it takes for someone to recognize and work on it. This episode is particularly useful for those in relationships with someone exhibiting entitlement or for parents wanting to avoid fostering this trait in their children.
Key Points Discussed:
Entitlement Schema Basics:Entitlement schema involves a belief that one’s needs and desires trump others, often without consideration for reciprocity.Unlike other schemas, those with entitlement often don’t recognize it as a problem, making it difficult for them to seek help.Connection to Narcissism:The entitlement schema is closely linked to narcissism, with individuals often displaying a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and demanding behavior.People with this schema rarely self-reflect and are usually satisfied with their approach to life, making therapy engagement rare.Two Main Origins of Entitlement:Overindulgence in Childhood: Children who grow up without learning limits or consequences may develop a sense of entitlement.Overcompensation for Emotional Deprivation: Those who felt unseen or neglected may overcompensate by developing an entitlement schema to meet their unmet needs in adulthood.Entitlement in Relationships:Entitlement can cause significant strain in relationships, often pairing with someone who feels under-entitled or self-sacrificing.These dynamics lead to an imbalance, with the entitled partner often making decisions unilaterally and disregarding the needs of others.Challenges in Therapy:People with an entitlement schema may only seek therapy when their relationships are on the rocks or they are losing important connections.Therapy focuses on building rapport anSupport the show
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Episode Summary:
Dr Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry dive into the Failure Schema, a schema that is often overlooked but can be profoundly impactful in many areas of life, particularly in achievement and work-related contexts. They explore how this schema manifests, its origins, and how it often intertwines with other schemas such as defectiveness, dependence, and even unrelenting standards.Key Takeaways:
Understanding the Failure Schema: The Failure Schema is a pervasive belief that one is destined to fail or is inherently inadequate, especially when compared to others. It often surfaces in academic, career, and achievement-related areas.Origins and Development: This schema may develop from childhood experiences such as being labeled as "slow," having learning difficulties, or growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. It can also be linked to feeling inadequate compared to siblings or peers.Coping Styles: The failure schema can lead to various coping behaviors, including avoidance (not trying new things due to fear of failure), surrender (believing fully in the schema and setting low standards for oneself), and overcompensation (attempting to prove the schema wrong by setting unrealistic goals).Self-Sabotage: One of the most significant ways the failure schema manifests is through self-sabotage, where individuals might avoid challenges, procrastinate, or engage in behaviors that ensure they fail, thus reinforcing the schema.Interrelation with Other Schemas: The failure schema often does not exist in isolation. It may be accompanied by schemas like defectiveness (feeling inherently flawed) or unrelenting standards (setting impossibly high standards to avoid failure).Practical Advice:
Challenge the Schema: Start by identifying the origins of your failure schema. Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to its development and consider alternative explanations for these experiences.Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Overcoming the failure schema requires pushing through the fear of failure and taking risks. Setting achievable goals and gradually exposing yourself to new challenSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
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For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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New Group Coaching Program: "Date Differently": A 6-week online group coaching program designed to help women build self-trust, set boundaries, and date with confidence. Starts November 6th. SIGN UP BEFORE 26TH OCT AND SAVE!Signature Course – The Red Flag Project: This newly updated course covers schemas, red flags, and how to recognize unavailable partners. It’s recommended to take the course before joining the coaching program to get the most out of the sessions. Access it here. Special limited time discount code: HERBESTLIFEEpisode Summary: In this episode, Gemma Gladstone tackles a listener's question about break-up recovery and the elusive concept of closure. Drawing from her extensive experience as a therapist over the last 25 years, she provides practical advice on healing after a painful breakup, what to do and what not to do as well as managing lingering feelings.
Key Points:
Introduction to Listener's Question:A listener, referred to as "Lisa," shares her experience of a difficult breakup with a partner who exhibited love-bombing behavior.Lisa is conflicted about seeking closure by expressing her feelings to her ex versus moving on without further contact.Understanding Love Bombing:Gemma explains the dynamics of love bombing and its association with narcissistic traits.The importance of recognizing red flags early in relationships.Healing Tips Post-Breakup:No Contact Rule: Avoid all forms of contact with the ex-partner, including social media, to facilitate healing.Avoid Rumination: Recognize and interrupt patterns of overthinking and counterfactual thinking to prevent emotional stagnation.Validate Your Emotions: Acknowledge and accept your feelings of grief and sadness as a natural part of the healing process.Mindfulness and Self-Compassion:Techniques to become aware of and mSupport the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
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email: [email protected]
Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
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https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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In today's episode, Gemma explores the impact of Defensiveness on relationships, its root causes, and practical steps to overcome it.Key Points:
Defensive Phrases:Common examples: "It's not my fault," "You always," "You never," "You're overreacting."Recognize these as signs of defensiveness.Impact on Relationships:Defensiveness is a relationship killer, identified by John and Julie Gottman as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."High levels of defensiveness can predict relationship breakup and divorce.Triggers and Responses:Often triggered by low to medium-level criticisms or requests from a partner.Immediate emotional responses include feelings of threat, anger, and injustice.Behavioral Patterns:Refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.Redirecting blame or overly justifying actions.Counterattacking or withdrawing.Underlying Causes:Common schemas involved: defectiveness, emotional deprivation, mistrust, subjugation.Often stems from childhood experiences with critical or narcissistic parents.Steps to Overcome Defensiveness:Reflect on defensive incidents when calm.Identify triggers and feelings.Recognize the part of yourself you're defending.Acknowledge and validate your vulnerable inner child.Reassure the defensive part of you that you're now an adult and safe.Practice responding calmly and reasonably.Practical Exercise:Sit quietly and recall a recent defensive episode.Identify your reaction and underlying feelings.Visualize a conversation with your inner child and defender.Reassure them and imagine a healthier response in future interactions.Conclusion: Defensiveness is common but can be managed with self-awareness and compassionate inner dialo
Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
goodmood.com.au
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email: [email protected]
Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
theredflagproject.com
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Reparenting is at the heart of schema therapy and you can learn how to do it yourself.
In this episode Gemma and Justine discuss how to start reparenting yourself and provide several practical suggestions for how to get started. Reparenting is central to psychological and schema healing. The more you practice, the easier it gets and the psychologically integrated and connected you will feel.Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
goodmood.com.au
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email: [email protected]
Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
theredflagproject.com
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. -
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Get the Free Guide on Breaking the toxic ties of Narcissistic parents
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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In this episode Gemma discusses what puts people at risk of having narcissistic friends. What are some of the schemas that play a role in this? What can you do if you realise that you have 1 too many self-absorbed people in your life? It can feel demoralizing and you might feel like giving up. Gemma then discusses ways for taking care of yourself and increasing your social contact with others.Support the show
Can you help support our continued production. If you're a regular listener who loves our show, please consider supporting us with a small contribution each month. We are a home-grown podcast made with love, without help from a fancy production company or sponsors. Become a regular supporter of the show and get a big thank-you shout out on an upcoming episode. Help us keep going! xx
CONNECT WITH US
Good Mood Hub
goodmood.com.au
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email: [email protected]
Email us for information about private therapy or coaching with Dr Gemma or Dr Justine.
The Red Flag Project
theredflagproject.com
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email: [email protected]
https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject
For women seeking to heal their schemas, break free from negative relationship patterns and avoid red-flag relationships. See our website for coaching with Gemma or Justine. - Mostrar mais
