Episódios
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One of the greatest joys and fulfillments of life is helping another person. Not through the base obligations we have to family, but to reach out when we don’t have to and help lift another person up. But I find two problems that arise for most all of us; we don’t know where to plug in to really help others and when we do happen to see opportunities to serve they often feel ill fitting for who we are. So we have good intent and don’t get to apply it. Queue up my guest today, Neil Ghosh. Neil is a renowned social entrepreneur, humanitarian, and philanthropist. He has written a book that to me is both inspiring, and incredibly equipping as a resource manual for doing good in the world. The book is aptly titled, Do More Good: Inspiring Lessons From Extraordinary People. The forward is from the Dalai Lama himself, and the book is endorsed by such notable figures such as President Bill Clinton and Nobel Peace Laureate, Professor Muhammad Yunus. Neil has the book in three sections, Sit, Rise, and Act. They showcase three ways we can serve the world according to our personal style, in essence. Then in each category he highlights 10 or so people, some famous, some not, and he shares how they uniquely bettered the world, the lesson we can learn from how and what they did, and then shares a list of organizations we can engage with to help in a similar way, plus ways we can embody the way of serving, in our lives today, right where we are. I was incredibly inspired in this conversation with Neil and feel you’ll leave enthused and equipped to give of yourself in new and uplifting ways. You can find Neil’s book, Do More Good, anywhere and connect with him at neilghosh.net
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Most people have heard of The Inklings, the informal literary discussion group based in Oxford, England in the 1930s and 1940s, known for fostering the writing and development of fantasy and other genres and specifically the greatest writings, and friendships, of authors such as C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, of The Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of The Rings fame. I am a great, great fan of Lewis and Tolkien and have always been enamored with this group they were a part of that met consistently for nearly two decades. A few years back I was introduced to a book called Bandersnatch: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the Creative Collaboration of the Inklings. It was written by Diana Pavlac Glyer, a professor in the Honors College at Azusa Pacific University in Southern California where she teaches literature, history, theology, and philosophy in an integrated Great Books curriculum. In Diana’s book, Bandersnatch, she uses her research on The Inklings to explain what we can learn about creativity, productivity, collaboration and community. What I discovered from Diana was that this group of authors didn’t just meet to discuss and refine their work, but they were intrinsically involved in each other's work and not only spurred each other on, but actually sparred with each other. Diana greatly dispels what she refers to as, “the myth of the solitary genius.” The charge and takeaway from this conversation is the opportunity and great benefit we can derive from really investing in other’s pursuits. A structure I continue to grapple with creating, but am enamored with, as here is a group of people who did it, it helped create wild success, and we really struggle to follow their example. You can find Diana at dianaglyer.com
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Most of us think of ourselves as adults. But how often are we reacting and functioning with a lesser level of maturity and wisdom than we’d like? Than what is productive? My guest in this show is licensed therapist and holistic life coach, Michelle Chalfant. She has developed a psychological model called, The Adult Chair. She hosts a very popular podcast called, The Michelle Chalfant Show - Life from The Adult Chair. And she’s just published a book titled, The Adult Chair: Get Unstuck, Claim Your Power, and Transform Your Life. Michelle has defined three levels of our life, child, adolescent, and adult. And helps us understand how, even as an adult who responds to many things as an adult, we are often stuck in reacting as an adolescent and as a child. She maps out five steps we can take to get more of ourselves, responding from our adult chair. We get candid in talking about emotions and validation and get a more clear understanding of how we can, evolve. If you get Michelle’s new book, then go to adultchair.com/book and you can get access to her masterclass. But I encourage you to check out her podcast The Michelle Chalfant Show - Life from The Adult Chair.
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There is a lot of content out these days about attention, attention spans, and distraction. What is with the seemingly dramatic deficit we have with attention? I know for myself, I seem to look for distraction and struggle to focus, even when I’m greatly interested in what I’m working on. I make it harder for myself when I have access to all my internet connected devices. I’m bringing back a conversation I had with an expert on the matter. Dr Amishi Jha is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami where she serves as the Director of Contemplative Neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative. Amishi’s work has been featured at NATO, the World Economic Forum, The Dalai Lama's Vision Summit, and The Pentagon. She has received coverage in The New York Times, NPR, TIME, Forbes and more. She is the author of the book, Peak Mind, which we discuss in this show. Amish has spent nearly 30 years researching the science of attention through extensive work with the US Military, medical professionals, elite sports teams, and more to address the issue. Her TED Talk on "How to Tame Your Wandering Mind" has nearly 6 million views. We spend every day tuned in to screens whose sole purpose is to get our attention, to the degree we now must make a focus on, “How do I get my own attention?” Our attention is in many ways, the only power we have. The only thing we have an influence and impact on, the only thing we can help or find success in or enjoy, is what we give out attention to. We all know the concept of budgeting our money, and our time. Now we’re faced with budgeting our attention, and if we can’t control our attention, all hope seems lost toward much progress in our lives. That’s why we have Amishi with us now. Find her at amishi.com
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I find there are few things as intoxicating as someone who is really interested in you. You feel they care about you, they value you, and they are curious to hear about you. This is something you can define and do, if you understand the key components. So I have an expert on listening with us. But before I introduce them, one issue that stuck out to me was, the idea of becoming and being an expert listener, is to connect. But, I don’t want to connect with everyone. My goal is not to have everyone think I’m a great listener, because I don’t want to connect with everyone. I don’t think anyone does. I realize when I am trying to listen with endurance and tolerance when I don’t really want to, I’m actually hurting the relationship. You can hear more on this in the show. My expert guest is Emily Kasriel Emily is an award-winning journalist, editor, and media executive who worked for over 20 years at the BBC. She developed the Deep Listening approach during her time as a Senior Visiting Research Fellow at King’s College London’s Policy Institute, building on her expertise as an accredited executive coach and workplace mediator. Emily connected with me from her home in London and I feel we had a very real and sober discussion not only about how to be an expert listener, but to be authentic about when we want to listen, or not. The 8 steps we walk through on listening come from her new book, Deep Listening: Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends, and Foes
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Monty Moran is the former Co-CEO of Chipotle. He joined them when they had 8 stores and left after they had over 2,500 and their valuation grew from a few million to $23 billion over his decade with the company. This isn’t a podcast about business though. I had Monty on the show because he cites his main key to the success from having one-on-one conversations with Chipotle employees, connecting the company mission to theirs. He did this 20,000 times. It sounds altruistic, but look at Chipotle’s ridiculous success. I’m looking at this personally. You may work at something that you feel is your direct mission. Your purpose. Or you may work at something that is primarily for the purpose of making money so you can exist. If it is the latter, can you attach it to what you really care about? This is what Monty is an expert at and it’s the focus of his book, “Love Is Free, Guac Is Extra.” Monty and I have spent time together out here in Colorado and I just appreciate his differing perspectives on life, and the connections we can have. You can also find his PBS show, Connected, or connect with him, at montymoran.com.
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When you read messages on spirituality, you will find many references on the dangers of what we are attached to. I grew up on the Bible which I feel taught attachment to nothing but God. In recent years I’ve followed the works of Anthony de Mello and Dr David R Hawkins on the dangers of attachment, from a spiritual standpoint. Now however, someone came to focus on attachments from a clinical psychology perspective. Dr. Bob Rosen holds a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Pittsburgh and serves as faculty in George Washington University's School of Medicine's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. Bob is Founder and CEO of Healthy Companies and has advised over 500 CEOs across sixty countries. He previously authored the New York Times bestseller "Grounded" and Washington Post bestseller "Conscious." His new book is, Detach: Ditch Your Baggage to Live a More Fulfilling Life, and in it his research led to 10 categories of attachments that most hinder us. My interest in this is acute and personal, as I’ve come to realize how much I imprisoned myself with all the duties, roles, and achievements in my life that I directly attached to my identity. And in this, I was more and more at threat. If I couldn’t retain control over all the attachments, the very root of my identity was at threat. And it nearly wrecked me. Someone once asked me who I was if you took away all I’d done and all the titles and labels in my life. And, I had no answer. As you will hear Bob state, it’s not that all attachments are bad, the question is how severe is the attachment? He says, “The more we identify with our attachments, the more we suffer.” But Bob’s focus on detachment is not about disconnecting from the world, but connecting to ourselves. Which I now feel is the root of our security. If you go to bobrosen.com you can take an attachment assessment and other resources.
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I’m bringing back a conversation on the power of reading. Now, this isn’t something you haven’t heard of, but I think we forget the gravity of it, and I want to give quick focus to some new research I’ve done recently. My conversation here is with Jeff Brown, host of the Read To Lead podcast and author of the book, Read To Lead. As you’ll hear, we don’t want to simply read and expose ourselves to messages, we want to actually digest the messages and take new actions in our lives. Jeff is an expert on the topic and I was really eager for this conversation. And I want to add something I’ve realized and given focus to. We spend much of our day reading social media and news snippets and an unrelenting amount of information all around us. But you aren’t digesting it. Your brain is in entertainment mode. Think about your mindset when you sit down for entertainment vs your mindset when you sit down to participate in a class. Completely different psychological mindset. With entertainment, your mind is turned on for a dopamine hit. In a class your mind is turned on to learn. This is the difference I see when we spend all day reading from all the different sources around us, vs when we are still and we read a non-fiction book, even if we are listening to it. The concept has further elevated the importance of reading books to me. I think you’ll be further inspired by this conversation with Jeff Brown.
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Our focus is, intuition. When is the last time you even heard that word, much less gave it any attention. When a book on intuition came across my desk, I was hooked. As I studied it, my focus turned toward trust, and faith. What do you put your trust and faith in? For all those who immediately say God, I’m going to ask you to stop, and really consider. God may be one of the things you put trust in, but everyday you are putting trust in other people, other ideas and opinions, other institutions, and you argue and defend them, and spend time online looking for information to trust. The question of this show, from my perspective, is how much do you trust yourself? And if you do believe in God, do you believe that God made you with no value or skill and just wants you trusting everything outside of yourself? Or is there anything in yourself worth listening to? My guest and expert on the topic is Elizabeth Greenwood. She is the author of EVERYDAY INTUITION: What Psychology, Science, and Psychics Can Teach Us About Finding and Trusting Our Inner Voice. She is a prolific researcher and writer and her work has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, GQ, The Atlantic and more. We had an in depth and candid conversation about what intuition is and how it is utilized by everyone from scientists and pastors to yes, psychics.
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“I would like to be measured by what the people who learned from me taught other people.” This is what my guest said, and I’ve never forgotten it. Seth Godin is one of the premier voices of business in our generation, and he was one of my first guests when I was host of The Ziglar Show, and this was the second time I had him on a show. Seth is well known for his innovative thinking and insight into what I’d cite as business and vocational reform. He’s a true leader in that he’s attracted a massive following of the business world who look to him daily for commentary on what’s most relevant for successful business practices and ethics we can all benefit most from in our professional and personal lives. In this conversation, Seth talks about why the core tenants of morals, values and personal relationships that Zig Ziglar upheld are still what is most important for our success in today’s marketplace. A marketplace that changes daily, but principles that do not. So coming up I bring this talk with Seth Godin and Tom Ziglar, Zig’s son and CEO of Ziglar, from the archives because it’s worth it. He sees his legacy as...you.
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Would you like to be better at getting yourself to move? When you have an overall desire, but find yourself struggling to take the first step and just get going? I think we all do in certain areas of our lives and from what I experience it is getting worse. So I’ve brought on an expert and we’re going to exaggerate the point to help us better conceptualize what is happening when we don’t move and progress, and some different ways to go about it. Michele Rigby Assad was a normal person like everyone else. But through some circumstances you’re about to hear of, she became a CIA operative and spent a decade working in the Middle East. She took part in the high-stakes missions you would expect from working in the CIA, where your life or other’s lives are literally on the line. The place of danger they referred to as the X, and their training was that no matter what, they had to be able to get off the X. Michele has outlined the concepts with some intriguing stories, in a new book titled, Get Off The X: C.I.A. Secrets For Conquering Obstacles And Achieving Your Life’s Mission. In this conversation, we don’t spend time talking about the CIA, if you want to view that, she says go watch Homeland or The Agency. We talk about how the concepts of getting off the X relate to all of us. We live lives that feel high-stakes for us, and we need to…move. Progress. Get off the X’s we are stuck in. I found Michele’s guidance helping me not feel I needed more motivation or inspiration, I just needed to have some pragmatic tools and perspectives to employ.
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Notice I said “spirit” and not “spirituality.” To me they overlap, but this is not a faith based message. Our focus is, your spirit, which I think of like your energy and your “vibe” if you will. Thinking on spirituality, I grew up in a religious construct where many people who were devoted to their spirituality, had very poor and lacking spirits, in my experience. Think of people in your life who you enjoy being with. Really enjoy. How would you describe their spirit? Their energy? Their attitude? A few years back a book came across my desk, The Full Spirit Workout: A Ten-Step System to Shed Your Self-Doubt, Strengthen Your Spiritual Core, and Create a Fun and Fulfilling Life. The author is Kate Eckman. Kate had success as a competitive swimmer. Then she did stints as a model, a tv anchor and an international broadcast journalist. Then in a short span of time, two very close relationships in her life committed suicide and Kate found herself in tears at the pharmacy counter grasping for antianxiety meds and knew things were just not right. This began a significantly new trajectory of her life with a focus on our spirit. If you want a fit, strong and resilient body you nourish it, exercise it and allow it time to recover. How about your spirit? Your mindset, emotions and very soul? Are you working it out daily in order to keep it fit and resilient? In this conversation I walk with Kate through the pitfalls we all encounter in being strong and at peace with our self worth, confidence , self doubt, comparing ourselves to others and the struggle between our external and internal life. As you’ll hear, Kate has much wisdom to offer, but in a very compassionate and raw...spirit. We hit some profound points and laughed...and cried. You can find Kate at kateeckman.tv and her podcast, Rawish.
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When COVID hit we all wore masks, so as not to infect each other or get infected. I and many others perceive that a more dangerous virus is among us, and it’s a victim mindset, which results in a victim identity. So how can we protect ourselves? My guest is Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D., a cognitive psychologist who is among the top one percent most cited scientists in the world for his groundbreaking research on intelligence, creativity, and human potential. He is the host of The Psychology Podcast, which is frequently ranked the #1 psychology podcast in the world. He is a professor of psychology at Columbia University and director of the Center for Human Potential. Dr. Kaufman’s writing has appeared in The Atlantic, Scientific American, Psychology Today, and Harvard Business Review, and he is the author of eleven books, the latest of which is called, Rise Above: Overcome a Victim Mindset, Empower Yourself, and Realize Your True Potential. We dig into this issue of victim mindset and identity in a candid, and likely not very PC discussion. As you’ll hear, I’m just as susceptible as anyone at falling to my own victim mentality, so as usual, I entered into this with a student mindset. And…I was schooled. I think you will be too.
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What began as a discussion on whether our work must really be so important ultimately came to our need to know ourselves and what really fulfills us individually. And while yes, having meaningful work is profound to the joy of our lives, it’s also not meant to be the end all to our purpose and calling, but a tool. For this conversation I brought on Dan Miller, celebrated career leader and author of the classic tome on work, 48 Days To The Work & Life You Love. And also, my father. He passed away suddenly in January of 2024 and his work continues to inspire so many lives. We had a conversation at a high, and deep level, regarding how we all perceive the value and importance of our work. I wanted to speak specifically to those who may be feeling stress and anxiety about finding the ultimate work opportunity. The “holy grail” and culmination of their life’s purpose and calling. That can be so daunting and in this episode I feel we did justice in taking some of the pressure off the work and putting the impetus on us having a bigger view of our overall life focus. Find Dan’s guidance at 48days.com.
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I’ve given focus to how we perceive our stories. We’ve also looked at toxic positivity and the damage of just trying to paint a pretty picture. We all encounter circumstances and events in our lives that challenge us. From massive traumas and tragedies to just disheartening disappointments. They all matter in regards to how we go forward in life. Following is a conversation that does not culminate with a formula. There is not contrite quote to sum it up. My guest is Karena Kilcoyne, who is a former trial lawyer who specialized in criminal defense, including complex white-collar and civil litigation in federal and state courts. Later in her practice, she worked as in-house counsel for a publicly traded worldwide manufacturing company. She was a success. But Karena started life as a kid. A kid who saw her dad taken to prison, and her mom succumb to mental illness. It’s as hard of a story as they come. And it took its toll on her and drove her to succeed in the world and keep dying inside. Until, she gained a new vision of possibility. No fairy godmother or self-help epiphany, just a real, raw story, that I feel we can all relate to, and find hope and equipping with. She wrote a book about it titled, Rise Above The Story: Free Yourself from Past Trauma and Create the Life You Want.
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A book landed on my desk a few years ago called, Ask - The Bridge from Your Dreams to Your Destiny. And lo and behold the author was Mark Victor Hanson and his wife Crystal. Mark is cited as one of the bestselling authors of all-time, as he is credited along with Jack Canfield for the entire Chicken Soup For The Soul franchise which has sold over half a billion books. I took the opportunity to talk about…asking. Asking for help, guidance, insight, wisdom, direction and more. We used to be a culture that lived in community and part of the normalcy of life was asking. It was the only way you learned anything. Today, we find ourselves very isolated. We “ask” google. We have few friends, teachers, guides, mentors or anyone who is speaking to us personally. People are turning to AI and a collective conscious instead of anyone who actually knows them personally. And I think we continually suffer for it. At 54 years old I find myself asking people for help and guidance and insight more than ever, and I’m finding more valuable direction for my life than ever. I’m also fulfilling the role of teacher, trainer, guide for others more than ever. So following is my conversation with Mark and Crystal where they lay out the grand opportunity we can all claim for ourselves if we will learn how and when to ask for guidance and direction in our lives. We dig into the concept and discuss why we don’t ask anymore, and how we can get comfortable and proficient with asking and get past our fear and pride and I feel misled independence. You can get the book at Amazon and then Mark & Crystal invite you to join them at Askthebookclub.com
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Most everyone is aware of their personality style. You’ve likely taken one or five personality tests and quizzes where you answer a bunch of questions about yourself. What are your propensities and predispositions? I appreciate them all and have found some value from each in helping me understand and get some insight into myself. Yet I’ve also struggled with them being self-reporting. I find it hard to sometimes answer how I really am and how I want to be. And concern myself with possibly swaying answers with how I perceive myself that may not be very true, as we so often see ourselves with a skewed perception. About two years ago someone told me about human design. It’s a similar concept, but all you provide is your birthday, place of birth and time of birth. In my past I would have shunned this as some crazy, spiritual, hoodoo guru junk. However, I’ve taken the human design blueprint profile, paid for the big version and I’m now two years into finding great value for myself. So what do you do with something you find great resonance, value, and validity from, even though you don’t understand it? For me, I’m just using it. Of interest though is looking up the ones we habitually use in personal development and psychology that have become pillars of our culture, and where they originated. Look up, “Who invented….” and insert your favorite profile. The Enneagram was developed in 1915 by a philosopher. The Disc profile was developed in 1928 by a psychologist. Myers Briggs in 1940 by two women based on Carl Jung's teachings. The Type A or Be concept was in the 1950s by a cardiologist and then finally in 1987 we get the human design from what I’d say is a spiritualist who used to be an ad exec. None of them seem to be any scientifically based and proven method. So in this episode I’m back with Erin Claire Jones who is one of the world’s leading experts in Human Design. Through her coaching, content, and digital products, she has helped hundreds of thousands of people find value through human design. She has culminated her story and work in a new book, How Do You Choose?: A Human Design Guide to What's Best for You at Work, in Love, and in Life. My point in this podcast is to help guide you to your own personal growth and evolution, just as I pursue my own. As you’ll hear, I have and continue to find great value in this human design outline of how I function best. I’m blown away by it and I continue to hear the same testimony from friends of mine and people I respect who are checking it out. So…here you go. See what you think. And you can find Erin’s book and the blueprint at https://humandesignblueprint.com/
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I feel most of us are looking for a bit of new knowledge, something to help us improve our results. Kind of like weight loss and you just want to drop 5 or 10 pounds. So you make some little shifts and changes. Then you have someone like a friend of mine who went from morbidly obese to losing well over 100 pounds. Such a life change. This is a story of someone who made a massive change in who and how they are. And like someone who loses 100 lbs, becomes nearly unrecognizable from who they used to be. I bring you the incredible story of Tommy Breedlove in this episode. Tommy is a high end executive life coach who has influenced the lives of many of the leaders I’ve had on my podcasts. His story is one of an abused kid in poverty who was mercilessly bullied, and grew up to be a bully. At 18 he beat someone up so badly he was charged with felony accounts and imprisoned. Later he put his anger toward business and made a lot of money until he came to his end, again. Ultimately his story is someone who went from a heart of darkness, to a heart so many now turn to for light. It’s a dramatic shift and we discuss it in depth in this episode. If you want more of the story, get his book on Amazon, “Legendary: A simple playbook for building and living a legendary life, and being remembered as a legend,” and visit his website at https://tommybreedlove.com. I feel a story this profound can help us feel the changes we want are more possible and feasible.
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I grew up in the world of self-improvement when personality profiles became popular. The idea then was you had a core personality style and it was pretty solid, like your hair color. Culturally we like to label people’s personalities, “She’s a classic type A personality,” and “Oh, he’s super introverted.” In regards to changing one’s personality, I question if we want to change who we are, or just how we are? I think we all have tendencies we are dissatisfied with. We find ourselves anxious, depressed, worried, frustrated, angry, sad and more. I don’t think we’d look at any of those with desire. I’ve never woken up in the morning deciding to be more worried than normal. Usually the opposite. So, can we change ourselves? My guest is Olga Khazan and she devoted a full year to trying to change her personality. Olga is a staff writer for The Atlantic has also written for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, and more. She is a two-time recipient of the International Reporting Project’s Journalism Fellowship. Olga said she didn’t like much how how she was being, and with every reason to be happy and at peace, she described herself as fairly neurotic. I appreciate this line from our talk, she said, “What if rather than trying to make everything in the world go my way, I changed the way I responded to the world?” So she had specific aspects of her core personality, she literally wanted to change. And she embarked on the experiment as the reporter she is. She documented it all in a book, titled, Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. I appreciate that Olga didn’t come out with some big, bold claim, but simply stating what she didn’t like, what she wanted to change, and she documented the journey. And today, she says that yes, she’s still her, but…less neurotic. She’s still Olga, but, enjoying life more. You can find Olga at the Atlantic or on Substack. I felt this conversation helped me better understand and embrace myself, and, consider how I could be me, but better.
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I find that when we communicate with others, in any way, we are either helping or hurting our relationship with them. Yet every day, more and more of our communication is digital. I cut my relationship teeth as a kid on Dale Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friends and Influence People.” But this assumed we were face to face. How do we win friends and influence people from a digital perspective? A few years ago I sat down with an expert, Erica Dhawan. She wrote a book titled, Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance. Erica says if you look at the next text, email, or DM as simply a method to deliver a message and not as a human interaction, you are missing it. If you think your all-caps or exclamation points or brevity or emojis are sufficient, you’re about to be schooled. Ultimately it comes down to this, continue doing it as you have, or realize there is a far greater opportunity for your work and life success if you listen in and hear how you can make some key adjustments and use every text, email, or zoom to solidify and enhance your relationships and significantly increase your relational success.
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