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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Michael, a man in his late 70s who completed Alastair's anger management program 18 months ago, to find out one simple thing: did the change last?
Whether you have tried to control your anger before and slipped back, or you are wondering whether it is even worth starting, this conversation offers a real and honest answer.
Rather than offering theory, Alastair lets Michael tell his own story, from the Christmas visit where his daughter confronted him about the kind of father he had been, to the calmer, more connected life he is living today.
And the good news is, Michael's experience shows that lasting change is possible, and probably not as hard as you think.
Key Takeaways:
The fear that change won't last stops a lot of people from ever trying. Michael's story is a direct answer to that fear. Eighteen months on, the changes are real and they have held.Anger is almost always connected to a story you are telling yourself. Michael had come to believe his success entitled him to say whatever he wanted, however he wanted. Until he saw that story clearly, no technique could touch the root of it.Controlling your anger is not about becoming a pushover. Michael stopped using anger as a tool to assert his position. He did not stop having opinions or standards.Sustainable change happens when the motivation lives inside you, not in someone else's reaction. Michael's daughter has never acknowledged his change. He is genuinely okay with that, because he is doing it for himself, not for her approval.It is easier than most people expect, but it requires ongoing practice. Michael still revisits his notes when old patterns start to creep in. Long-term change is not about white-knuckling difficult moments. It is about returning to the tools.It is never too late. Michael is in his late 70s, calmer, closer to his wife, and rebuilding his relationship with his daughter. The work he did has made his life genuinely more enjoyable.Resources & Next Steps:
If today's episode has made you think about your own anger and what lasting change might look like for you:
Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares ten rules of anger management that he has refined over more than thirty years of working with clients.
Whether your anger shows up in the big blowups, the sharp comments you didn't mean to make or the slow build of tension your partner can see before you even realise it yourself, these rules give you a practical framework to work with, starting today.
Rather than focusing on a single trick for calming down in the heat of the moment, Alastair walks through the deeper shifts that actually change things, from recognising your early warning signs to taking responsibility for your actions and knowing when to ask for help.
Key Takeaways:
Awareness is the foundation everything else rests on. By the time most people realise they are angry, it is already too late to manage it cleanly. Learning your early warning signs gives you a window to act before anger takes hold.Other people do not make you angry. You do. Anger is the emotional response you create based on your thoughts and expectations, and that is actually good news. If you create it, you can change it.Feeling angry is not the problem. The problem is when anger turns into action, shouting, name-calling, putting someone down. Feelings and actions are separate. That gap between the two is where your power lives.Anger almost never leads to a good outcome. It damages trust, shuts down communication and makes the other person defensive. Before you speak in a heated moment, ask yourself: will this actually help?You cannot force another person to change. What you can do is change how you show up. When you consistently respond with more calm and intention, the dynamic between you and the people around you often begins to shift too.Use the tension scale throughout your day. By the time most people recognise they are angry, they are already at an eight or nine out of ten. The goal is to catch it at a three or four, when you still have real choices.If your anger is causing problems in your relationships, please ask for help. The people who reach out are the ones who change the fastest, because they stop trying to figure it out alone.Resources & Next Steps:
If you would like support applying these ten rules and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven simple habits, drawn from the research of relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman, that can fundamentally change how connected, loved and secure you and your partner feel.
Whether your relationship has drifted into silence, feels more like a housemate arrangement or simply lacks the warmth it once had, these habits show exactly where to start.
Rather than offering grand romantic gestures or an overhaul of your entire week, Alastair explains how just six intentional hours, built from small, consistent moments, can rebuild a relationship from the inside out.
And the good news is, most of what he shares takes minutes, not hours.
Key Takeaways:
Most couples don't fall apart because of one big thing. They drift apart because of 100 small things, and the same is true in reverse. Small habits can erode a relationship, and small habits can rebuild it.The way you say goodbye in the morning sets the emotional tone for both of you for hours afterwards. A moment of real contact before you part, a hug, a kind word, genuine eye contact, is worth far more than most people realise.Reunions matter just as much as goodbyes. A genuine reconnection when you walk back through the door signals safety and warmth. It tells your partner they matter more than the chaos of the day.We are wired to notice what is wrong. If you are not intentional about appreciation, the frustrations get all the attention and the good stuff goes unspoken. A daily habit of expressing genuine admiration changes the whole atmosphere of a relationship, often faster than people expect.Physical affection throughout the day, a hand on the shoulder, sitting close, a proper hug, builds what researchers call emotional bonding. Words alone cannot create it.A daily stress-reducing conversation is not about logistics. It is about each other's inner world. And crucially, the role of the listener is just to listen, not to fix, not to advise. Just to be present. This is a skill, and it gets easier with practice.A weekly relationship check-in stops small problems from becoming big ones. Nothing festers, nothing builds into the kind of resentment that takes months to untangle. It can feel awkward at first. But it works.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support putting these habits into practice, or if anger or arguments have been getting in the way of the relationship you want:
Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through three powerful mindset shifts to help break the cycle of repeating anger. Whether it is the same argument with your partner, the same trigger at work or the same driver cutting you off, he explains why the pattern keeps happening and what you can do to finally change it.
Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair gets to the root of why anger keeps repeating. These are real, practical shifts. And the good news is they are skills anyone can learn.
Key Takeaways:
Repeating anger patterns do not mean something is wrong with you. There is a specific reason the same things keep triggering you, and once you understand it, everything changes.Practicing acceptance is not about being passive. It means letting go of the idea that anger will change what you cannot control. When you stop fighting that battle, your anger has nowhere to go.Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in relationships. When you pause and ask what might be going on for the other person, the defensiveness drops and there is suddenly room for a real conversation.Anger makes things feel urgent and catastrophic. Most of the time they are not. Asking yourself whether this will matter in a year gives you a fast way to check if the anger is worth it.Maintaining perspective also means remembering that everyone makes mistakes, including you. That awareness makes you more forgiving and less likely to repeat the same argument.These are skills, not personality traits. With practice, they can fundamentally change how you respond to the things that used to set you off.Resources & Next Steps:
If you would like help breaking the cycle of anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through four simple but powerful steps to help you say the right thing when your partner is upset - whether you tend to jump straight to fixing, go quiet or say something that somehow makes things worse.
These are practical, learnable skills that work even when emotions are running high.
Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair gets to the heart of why these moments go wrong so often: not because you don't care, but because your partner doesn't yet feel understood. And until they do, almost nothing you say will land well.
And the good news is, that's entirely within your power to change.
Key Takeaways:
The problem usually isn't what you're saying. Until your partner feels understood, even the kindest or most logical words won't land. Feeling heard has to come before anything else.Minimal encouragers, a nod, a quiet "I see," steady eye contact, are small signals with a big impact. They tell your partner it's safe to keep going, and their absence is one of the most common reasons partners feel unheard.There's a real difference between questions that open a conversation up and questions that close it down. Open-ended questions and questions about feelings take the conversation somewhere real; beyond facts and logistics, into what your partner actually experienced.Reflecting back what your partner has said in your own words does two things: it lets them know they've genuinely been heard, and it gives them the chance to correct you if you've misunderstood. Both of those matter more than most people realise.Giving positive feedback doesn't mean piling on compliments. A simple "thank you for telling me that" signals that bringing things to you is safe, and partners who feel appreciated for communicating tend to communicate more.Practice these four steps consistently and the change you'll notice isn't just fewer arguments. It's a stronger, warmer connection day to day.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support saying the right thing in those difficult moments and building a calmer, more loving relationship:
Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through the three tools that actually create lasting change for people who struggle with anger. Whether you've tried to change before and slipped back, or you've started to believe that this is just who you are, this episode explains exactly why that happens and what a different approach looks like.
Rather than offering surface-level fixes, Alastair lays out the three layers of real anger management. From catching it early, to changing the thinking that drives it, to rebuilding the communication that repairs relationships. And the good news is that most people see real, noticeable change in just a few weeks when they have the right tools in the right order.
Key Takeaways:
Most people don't catch their anger until it's already taken over. Learning to recognise your early warning signs gives you a window - a brief gap between what you feel and what you do.In that window, simple tools like positive self-talk and a short timeout can be the difference between staying in control and saying something you'll regret for days.Your anger isn't caused by what happens to you. It's caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and you change the response.Two people can experience the exact same situation and react completely differently, because they're having different thoughts about it. That gap is where your real power lies.Managing the surface is not enough. Until you address the thinking driving your anger, you'll keep fighting the same battle over and over again.Active listening is one of the most powerful relationship repair tools there is. When someone feels genuinely heard, defensiveness drops and real conversations become possible.These are skills, not personality traits. Most people who've struggled for years see meaningful change in just a few weeks. Not because they tried harder, but because they finally had the right tools.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support working through these three layers and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three practical steps to help you improve your relationship starting today. Whether the arguments have become more frequent, the conversations that matter have quietly stopped or there's just a low-level tension that never fully goes away, this episode explains exactly what's getting in the way and what to do about it.
Rather than offering generic communication tips, Alastair gets to the root of what most struggling relationships are actually missing, and walks through three specific, learnable steps he's used with couples over 30 years. And the good news is that most relationships aren't broken. They're just missing a few things that can be learned.
Key Takeaways:
Anger is like a leak in a boat. You can try harder, communicate better, go on more dates. But if the anger isn't dealt with first, you're fighting a losing battle.When one partner walks on eggshells, real intimacy becomes impossible. You can't be close to someone you're slightly afraid of, and unmanaged anger is almost always at the root of it.Most people think "communicate better" means express yourself more clearly. The more important half is listening, really listening, not just waiting for your turn.The fastest way to change the dynamic in a relationship is for one person to genuinely start listening to understand rather than listening to respond. It changes everything.The Magic Six Hours (a concept from relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman) shows that just six hours of small, intentional connection per week is enough to transform a relationship over time.Simple isn't the same as easy. These steps take real commitment. But in 30 years of working with couples, Alastair has seen them transform relationships people had almost given up on.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support reducing conflict and building a calmer, more loving relationship:
Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three practical mindfulness tools you can reach for the moment you feel anger starting to build. Whether it's a comment that lands wrong, a situation that spirals or just one too many things going sideways in a single day, these tools work when things are heating up, not just when everything is already calm.
Rather than offering a generic "take a deep breath" and leaving it there, Alastair explains exactly how each tool works, why it works and how to use it in real life. And the good news is that none of these require any prior experience with mindfulness.
Key Takeaways:
Mindfulness isn't meditation retreats or cushions. It's simply the practice of being present. And that tiny gap between what you feel and what you do is exactly where anger management happens.Deep breathing works,but most people aren't doing it correctly. Done properly, it sends a direct signal to your nervous system that the threat has passed, calming your body whether your mind wants to or not.Anger almost always shows up in your body before your awareness catches up. The body scan trains you to notice those early warning signs in time to do something about them.Mindful observation breaks the mental spiral that keeps anger burning. Focusing on a nearby object pulls your attention back to the present and softens the intensity of the emotion enough to respond rather than react.A lot of what fuels anger isn't the situation itself. It's the story your mind builds around it. Interrupting that narrative early is one of the most effective moves you can make.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support managing your anger in the moment and doing the deeper work to understand what's driving it:
Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs gives an honest, straight comparison of face-to-face and online anger management programs. Whether you've been Googling your options, looked at a few programs or just aren't sure where to start, this episode cuts through the confusion and helps you make a decision that actually moves you forward.
Rather than giving a vague "it depends" answer, Alastair draws on 30 years of running both formats to tell you clearly which works better for most people and why. And the good news is that with the right format and the right support, change happens faster than most people expect.
Key Takeaways:
Face-to-face programs can be powerful — but retention is the real problem. When you learn something once a week, life takes over and most of it fades before the next session.Online programs work because of repetition. You can pause, rewind and revisit lessons until things stop being ideas and start becoming habits you actually live by.In a face-to-face group, you learn alone and go home to a partner with no context. Online, many couples go through the program together, and that shared understanding changes everything.Research backs this up. A Swedish study found that a well-designed online anger management program reduced anger and aggression significantly, with results better than traditional face-to-face interventions.The best program is the one you'll actually complete. If you need the accountability of showing up somewhere in person each week, face-to-face may still be the right fit for you.Whatever format you choose, the most important decision is to start now. Anger doesn't tend to improve on its own. But with the right tools, it changes faster than most people expect.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support choosing the right path and taking your first step toward controlling your anger:
Visit angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven of the most common anger management mistakes that keep people stuck, even when they're genuinely trying to change. Whether you've read all the books, tried breathing exercises or sat through a course or two, this episode explains why the effort often doesn't stick and what to do differently starting today.
Rather than offering surface-level fixes, Alastair goes deeper - looking at the root causes of why anger keeps coming back and giving you practical, honest tools to finally break the pattern. And the good news is that recognising these mistakes is often all it takes to start seeing real change.
Key Takeaways:
Most anger management treats the symptoms, not the root cause. Until you address what you're thinking, not what's happening, you'll keep fighting the same battle.Suppressing anger doesn't make it disappear. It builds. Learning to catch it early and deescalate is far more effective than pushing it down.When you blame others for your anger, you hand them all the power. Taking responsibility for your own responses is one of the most liberating shifts you can make.Anger doesn't arrive out of nowhere. Your body gives you signals before things escalate. Learning to notice them gives you a window to make a different choice.Negative self-talk pours fuel on the fire. Shifting from "I can't handle this" to "This is hard, but I've handled hard things before" can be the difference between escalating and staying in control.Rigid expectations about people or about life create a relentless sense that everyone is letting you down. Loosening that grip creates more peace than most people expect.Trying to change deep-seated patterns alone is genuinely difficult. The right support makes change happen far faster than most people ever expect.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support working through any of these patterns and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven signs that anger may be a real problem in your life - and what you can do about it. Whether it's a short fuse, constant irritability or a partner who walks on eggshells around you, these signs are worth taking seriously. And the good news is that recognising them is the first step toward change.
This episode is for anyone who suspects their anger is affecting their relationships, their wellbeing or the people they love most, but isn't quite sure where to start.
Key Takeaways:
Anger itself isn't the problem. The problem is when it starts expressing itself in ways that hurt you or the people around you.Your body knows you're angry before your mind does. Learning to read your physical warning signs early is often the difference between staying in control and losing it.Regularly regretting what you say or do after an anger episode is a clear signal your anger is getting ahead of you.Holding grudges hurts you more than anyone else. Forgiveness benefits the person who gives it far more than the person who receives it.If your partner walks on eggshells around you, that's a sign - and it's fixable, faster than most people expect.Constant low-level irritability is often anger simmering beneath the surface. Gratitude is a genuine and practical antidote.If someone who cares about you has told you that you have an anger problem, take it seriously. It took courage for them to say it.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like to understand whether anger is an issue for you:
Take the free Anger Quiz: angersecrets.com/anger-quizVisit: angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs talks with Fiona - a small business owner and mother who grew up surrounded by family violence and spent years struggling with anger in her marriage. Just seven weeks into the Complete Anger Management System, Fiona has already made remarkable progress. Her husband has noticed. She has noticed. And the insight that changed everything for her was surprisingly simple.
If you've ever felt stuck in patterns that stretch back to your childhood, Fiona's story will show you what's possible, and how quickly things can shift when you focus on what you can actually control.
Key Takeaways:
You can't change other people, but you can change how you respond to them. That single realisation was Fiona's turning point.Learning to use the Tension Scale early is one of the most powerful anger management skills. Catching anger before it peaks creates a window for a different choice.The thoughts and feelings model works beyond just anger. It helps you respond differently in all kinds of difficult situations.Change doesn't have to be public. Fiona worked through the course privately, on her own schedule, without anyone needing to know.Progress isn't perfect, but it is real. Seven weeks in, Fiona hadn't had a significant anger episode since starting the course.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit: angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares five practical ways to respond when someone else's anger is directed at you. Whether it's a partner who explodes, a colleague who unloads or a family member who pushes your buttons, how you respond in those moments matters more than you might think.
Rather than fighting back or shutting down, Alastair explains how staying calm, using empathy and setting clear boundaries can completely change the dynamic, without accepting blame or tolerating abuse.
Key Takeaways:
You staying calm is the most powerful thing in the room. Responding with your own anger only escalates the situation. Managing your nervous system first changes everything.Most of the time, someone else's anger isn't really about you. Recognising this creates distance from the heat and prevents unnecessary conflict.Anger is usually just the surface. Underneath it is almost always something softer - hurt, fear, or feeling unheard. Empathy shifts the conversation faster than any argument.Boundaries aren't threats. A calm, clear statement of what you will and won't accept creates more safety in a relationship, not less.If what you're experiencing crosses into abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical, these tips aren't enough. Real support is needed, and your safety always comes first.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support handling anger, yours or someone else's, and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit: angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three practical steps to help you control your anger before it takes over. If you've ever said something you regret in the heat of the moment, or felt like your anger erupts before you even realise what's happening, this episode explains exactly why that happens and what you can do about it starting today.
Rather than offering generic advice like "count to ten" or "take a deep breath," Alastair breaks down the real mechanics of anger: why it escalates so fast, what's actually driving it beneath the surface and how better communication can transform even the most stuck relationship patterns.
Key Takeaways:
You can't control your anger if you don't know it's happening. Learning to spot your personal early warning signs before anger peaks is the most important first step.Your anger isn't caused by what happens to you. It's caused by what you think about what happens to you. Changing the thought changes the response.Beneath every repeated trigger is usually a rigid belief, and once you can see it clearly, you can begin to shift it.Active listening is one of the most powerful anger management tools in relationships. When people feel truly heard, defensiveness drops and real conversations become possible.These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.Resources & Next Steps:
If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:
Visit: angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever promised yourself you’d stay calm with your kids only to find yourself yelling anyway when your patience runs out? You try the usual parenting tips, counting to ten or staying positive, but in the moment none of it seems to work.
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why most discipline advice fails when emotions are already high, and what actually works instead.
You’ll learn how your internal emotional state plays a bigger role than your child’s behaviour, and how small changes in awareness, communication and structure can transform discipline from reactive to calm and effective.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
-Why your child’s behaviour isn’t the real cause of your anger
-How stress and unprocessed emotions influence your reactions
-The importance of clear expectations instead of vague rules
-How noticing positive behaviour reduces conflict over time
-Why empathy helps children calm down faster without removing boundaries
-When and how to take a timeout yourself to prevent escalation
Want help with this?
If you’re tired of yelling and want practical tools to stay calm and connected with your kids, support is available:
-Watch the free training on Breaking The Anger Cycle
-Book a free 30-minute Anger Assessment Call
-Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever felt like small frustrations slowly build up until suddenly you’re snapping at the person you care about most? You tell yourself you’ll do better next time, but the same pattern keeps repeating, leaving you feeling frustrated, guilty or stuck.
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Matthew, a husband who found himself caught in a cycle of escalating arguments that were damaging trust in his relationship. Although he didn’t see himself as someone with a major anger problem, underlying stress and unprocessed emotions were turning everyday situations into conflict.
You’ll hear how Matthew learned to recognise his early warning signs of anger, slow down his reactions and use practical tools to shift from conflict to cooperation, rebuilding calm communication and creating positive change at home.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
-Why anger often shows up through small moments rather than big events
-How frustration can build quietly until it suddenly explodes
-The importance of recognising where you are on the Tension Scale
-Why thoughts don’t have to become actions
-How changing your perspective can transform your relationship dynamics
-Simple tools that help you slow down and respond more intentionally
Want help with this?
If you recognise yourself in Matthew’s story and want practical support learning how to control your anger, help is available:
-Watch the free training on breaking the anger cycle
-Book a free 30-minute Anger Assessment Call
-Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces a simple but powerful framework designed to help you interrupt anger before it turns into an explosion. Instead of trying to calm down after an outburst has already started, you’ll learn how to recognise the early warning signs of anger and use a practical four-step process to change what happens next.
If you’ve ever felt like anger takes over too quickly, or that you remember coping strategies only after it’s too late, this episode offers a clear and practical solution you can start using immediately.
Key Takeaways:
-Most people try to manage anger after they’ve already reacted. The real power lies in recognising the moment when anger is rising, not when it has already exploded.
-The STOP Model gives you a structured way to create space between trigger and reaction.
-Your anger rarely goes from zero to 100 instantly. There is almost always a window where change is possible.
-Practicing these skills during low-stress situations helps build automatic responses when high-stress moments arise.
-Small physical reminders (notes, cards, visual cues) can reinforce new habits.
Resources & Next Steps:
If you’d like support controlling your anger and breaking long-standing patterns:
-Visit: https://angersecrets.com
-Book a free 30-minute phone call
-Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever had an argument that started over something small? The dishes, a tone of voice or being late, and somehow ended with both of you feeling hurt, defensive and completely misunderstood?
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why most relationship conflict isn’t caused by big problems. It’s caused by small moments where listening breaks down, emotions rise and conversations spiral out of control before either person realises what’s happening.
You’ll learn three practical communication skills that actually work: helping you feel heard, express yourself clearly without aggression and stop everyday disagreements from turning into damaging arguments.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
Why good intentions still lead to communication breakdownsThe most common mistake people make when they think they’re “listening”How to express yourself clearly without sounding aggressive or defensiveA simple structure for difficult conversations that reduces conflictHow to negotiate disagreements without damaging trust or respectThe three communication skills covered:
Active listening: Learning to understand before respondingClear, non-aggressive expression: Saying what you mean without escalating conflictEffective negotiation: Working together instead of against each otherWant help with this?
If communication in your relationship keeps breaking down, especially when emotions run high, support is available:
Watch the free training on breaking the anger cycleBook a free 30-minute Anger Assessment CallLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemVisit angersecrets.com to get started.
When communication changes, relationships change with it.
And remember:
You can’t control other people — but you can control yourself.
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever gone from calm to furious in a matter of seconds, and only afterwards wondered, “Where did that come from?”
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why anger rarely comes out of nowhere. Instead, it’s usually triggered by long-standing patterns that quietly shape how you react in relationships, at work and under stress.
You’ll learn what anger triggers really are, where they come from, and why recognising them early gives you the power to slow things down before anger takes control.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
What anger triggers are and why they feel automaticWhy small moments can activate intense emotional reactionsCommon anger triggers, including feeling disrespected, criticised, or overwhelmedHow past experiences and stress fuel present-day angerWhy awareness is the first step to real anger controlPractical tools discussed:
Identifying your personal anger triggers through reflectionUsing a diary or journal to spot patterns in your angerRecognising early warning signs before anger escalatesChallenging unhelpful thoughts through cognitive reframingWhen to seek professional support to speed up changeWant help with this?
If you want support identifying and managing your anger triggers:
Watch the free training on breaking the anger cycleBook a free 30-minute Anger Assessment CallLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemVisit angersecrets.com to get started.
Once you can recognise your anger triggers, you’re no longer at their mercy.
And remember:
You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself.
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For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Is anger always a bad thing? Or are there times when feeling angry actually makes sense?
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why anger itself isn’t the problem. The real damage happens when anger is either suppressed or expressed in ways that hurt relationships.
You’ll learn what healthy anger really looks like, how it differs from destructive anger and how to express anger in a way that protects trust, communication and emotional safety.
What you’ll learn in this episode
Why anger is a normal and necessary human emotionThe difference between healthy, assertive anger and destructive angerHow unhealthy anger damages trust and connection over timeReal-life examples of responding to anger at work and in relationshipsPractical ways to express anger calmly, clearly, and respectfullyKey principles of healthy anger:
Healthy anger is expressed, not suppressedIt is assertive, not aggressiveIt focuses on solutions rather than blameIt respects both your needs and the needs of othersPractical tips covered:
Pause before reacting and reflect on what’s really going onUse “I” statements instead of blame or accusationFocus on problem-solving rather than winningSet clear, respectful boundariesPractice forgiveness to avoid carrying resentmentWant help applying this?
If you’d like support learning how to express anger in healthier ways:
Watch the free training on breaking the anger cycleBook a free 30-minute Anger Assessment CallLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemVisit angersecrets.com to get started.
Anger doesn’t need to be eliminated. It needs to be understood and used wisely.
And remember:
You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself.
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