Эпизоды
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CRUDE #47
Effie in London is joined by Misty and special guest Beate in Berlin for a lively conversation about the often-forgotten arts of cuddling, heavy petting, and the playful intimacy many of us first explored before diving into more adventurous experiences.
Beate shares insights into her unique workshops—including her famous "Turning Men into Furniture" dinner parties—which span the full spectrum of intimacy and sexuality, from creating meaningful Quality Time to exploring the world of BDSM.
The CRUDIES also delve into the topics of asexuality and celibacy, discussing how they challenge common assumptions about sex and relationships, and how these themes are explored in Beate's book, Not Giving a F**k.
*Beate*
Beate Absalon is the author of "Not giving a F**k". A book that lovingly investigates the pitfalls of sexpositivity and the erotics of failure and imperfection. She is a sex and couples therapist and has been hosting workshops as 'luhmen d'arc' for over a decade now - encouraging participants to enjoy sex as play rather than drama.
Website: https://www.luhmendarc.com/
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/beateabsalon
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Beate Absalon Not Giving a F**k (German language, 2004)
[Event] Turning Men into Furniture
[Wiki] Mobius Strip
[Community] The Bimbo Factory
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CRUDE #46
Frank in Berlin is joined by Effie and special guest Kenneth for a lively conversation about sex education, female pleasure, and Kenneth’s work as a squirt-shop facilitator.
The episode kicks off with Effie sharing stories from her latest adventures before the Crudies dive into Kenneth’s fascinating career. Kenneth leads workshops on a wide range of sexual topics, with a particular focus on squirting and helping people better understand pleasure, communication, and sexual confidence.
Along the way, Kenneth explains how he became dedicated to sex-positive education and supporting women’s sexual empowerment.
In this episode:
Kenneth shares practical tips and “squirting hacks” for those curious about exploring squirting.A discussion about the importance of relaxation, body awareness, and “clearing the inventory.”Kenneth reflects on New York’s vibrant sex-positive community and his experiences at Club Hacienda.Stories of the legendary 3 a.m. gourmet meals served to hungry guests after long nights of play and connection.Kenneth was named the “World’s Greatest Sex Hacker” by GQ magazine in 2017. Keneth is also the autho of the #1 Amazon Bestselling Beyond Satisfied. Kenneth has been featured in 100+ media outlets, including The New York Times, Men’s Health, & Playboy.
He is also the creator of Beyond Satisfied Pro: the gold-standard online course in female pleasure, sexual performance, and confidence, endorsed by women and sex therapists
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Kenneth Play, Beyond Satisfied: A Sex Hacker’s Guide to Endless Orgasms (2002)
[Article] Vice magazine: Kenneth's Coaching
[Video] 10 questions you always wanted to ask a squirting instructor
[Awards] Sexual Freedom Awards
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Пропущенные эпизоды?
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#CRUDE 45
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Andre Lazarus to talk about his work as a sex and relationship coach as well as his important work in trauma healing with men and women. Andre has also appeared as a sex surrogate on the hit British TV show Virgin Island, but it's his experience in trauma healing and intimacy coaching that he explores with the Crudies.
How does Andre's experience as a survivor of abuse and PTSD in the military inform his therapy and coaching?What kind of problems lead some men to sek out intimacy coaching?What about asexuality?What is sexual healing and what causes people to seek it out?Can trauma be physically locked in our bodies?*Andre Lazarus*
Andre Lazarus is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and media-recognized voice on relationships, sexuality, and embodied connection. His career has taken an unconventional path, from serving in the U.S. Marines to helping individuals and couples navigate intimacy, communication, and desire.
He gained wider recognition through the UK television series Virgin Island, where he appeared as a professional surrogate partner supporting participants as they worked through intimacy challenges alongside licensed therapists.
Through his practice, Coming Closer, Andre works with individuals and couples seeking deeper connection, whether addressing performance concerns, healing from past experiences, or rekindling passion in long-term relationships. His work is rooted in the Somatica® Method, which emphasizes learning through the body, open communication, and replacing shame with curiosity.
Today, Andre leads private coaching, workshops, and a men’s course on sexual communication while continuing to expand his media presence.
*Social media and websites*
Website: https://www.coming-closer.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@comingcloserwithandre
*What we were consuming*
[Definition] Somatic coaching
[TV] Virgin Island Season 2 trailer
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CRUDE #44
Frank in Berlin and Effie in London are joined by Jonas from the Liebesapfel podcast for a bold, no-filter conversation about God, sex, religion—and all the uncomfortable overlaps in between.
They get into the provocative stuff straight away: why do people dress up as nuns and priests, and what’s behind the so-called “Christian fetish” scene? Is it just taboo, or is there something deeper going on with power, symbolism, and desire?
Can people be spiritual and religious without organsied religion? Or dowe need to throw the baby with the bathwater when it comes to god?
How can religions that preach love and compassion also be tied to exclusion, hypocrisy, and even abuse? Where do those contradictions come from—and why do they keep repeating?
The trio also explores the unexpected parallels between kink communities and religious spaces: rituals, rules, trust, belonging, and the pull of something bigger than yourself.
Jonas is a Protestant theologian and philosopher currently living inZurich. He co-hosts the German-language podcast Liebesäpfel, where he advocates for a sex-positive approach to religion.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/liebesaepfel_podcast
Instagram: @liebesaepfel_podcast
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Marcella Althaus-Reid. Indecent Theology: Theological Perversions in Sex, Gender and Politics (2000)
[Biblical book] Song of Songs
[Hindu Gods] Kali & Shiva
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CRUDE #43
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Posey Mehta. in to talk about the importance of kink education led by people within the community, highlighting why authentic, sub-led perspectives matter. It also takes a critical look at the UK’s laws around kink—examining how they can be discriminatory and, at times, rooted in homophobic assumptions. Alongside this, the conversation addresses the need for greater body diversity in kink representation, drawing on experiences from London’s only fat-centric cabaret night, Big Fat Cab, and the broader fight against fatphobia in queer spaces.
Posey Mehta (they/them) is a multi-disciplinary live artist exploring fatness, submission, and masochism through drag, clown, and performance art. Their new show, Asking For It, challenges the illegality of S&M by inviting the audience to inflict Actual Bodily Harm on them in recognition of their capacity to consent. As their drag alter-ego, Mitzi Fitz, they run the sell-out sensation Big Fat Cabaret, London's best (and only) fat-centric cabaret. They're also a welfare monitor in kink spaces and advocate for sub-led kink education.
*Upcoming shows*
Asking For It WIPs | 20th & 21st April Protesting the illegality of S&M
Big Fat Cabaret | 18th April Mitzi Fitz fat-centric cabaret
Posey's Instagram ~ https://www.instagram.com/mosey_moo/
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Mary Gaitskill Secretary (1988)
[Film] Pillion (2005)
[Film] Secretary (2002)
[Definition] TPE (Total Power Exchange)
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CRUDE #42
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Jessica Parker to talk about sensual pleasure touch.
In a live yoni massage session (audio p*rn?), Jessica talks us through her practice and skills as she massages Effie.
Misty and Frank also get the oils out and engage in some good old fashioned solo-voyeruism (totally different to solo-wa*king :p )
With fingers inside and around their parts, Jessica and the Crudies discuss:
What is mindful masturbat1on?Is it ok to invite a magic wand into bed with a partner?is toy addiction a thing?How can massage and touch close the orgasm gap?What's the secret to more orgasms? (Spoiler: it's communication :) )What's the diffeence between sexual, sensual and tantra massages?Jessica Parker is a pleasure educator, certified Sexological Bodyworker, and sensual events curator with over twenty years of experience in massage, touch, and erotic education. Known for her grounded, candid, and refreshingly real approach, she teaches the art of Sensual Massage to help people connect, communicate, and experience pleasure with confidence.
With a background in managing high-end sensual events and producing immersive experiences such as Pleasure Island Parties and Lady Liquid Love, Jessica creates warm, professional, and playfully curated spaces where genuine sensuality can unfold.
*Which oils should you use?*
Jennifer recommends natural unscented, and organic oils for use around the genitalia. Grapseed and coconut are her preferrred oils. Lelo massage candles are a must.
Website: www.jessicaparker.co
*What we were consuming*
[Dating app] AceSpace
[Podcast] The Orgasm Cult (on all players)
[Lifestyle] Orgasmic meditation
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CRUDE #41
Frank in Berlin is joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest VEX about a very special gangbang with Effie and Elle, before the trio move on to conversations about Vex’s many guises and her fascinating professional career, which touches on virtually every facet of the porn industry. Vex also opens up about her sexual awakening in her 30s.
The Crudies discuss solo wan*ing, the sex-positive scenes in both the UK and Berlin, and how different cultures approach sexuality, performance, and personal branding. Along the way, they cover industry realities, creative freedom, and a host of other topics that make this episode an open, funny, and wide-ranging conversation.
Is solo-wanking breaching consent norms?
How can bad sex be good?
What's the difference between perverts and sluts?
Vex Ashley is an independent porn producer and performer and founder of the Four Chambers project. With a background in analogue photography, art school bullshit and digital sex online, Vex worked as a cam girl before beginning to make films as Four Chambers in 2013. Self-taught in cinematography with an emphasis on collaborative DIY practices, Four Chambers has spearheaded a new wave of creators making contemporary pornographic work from a new perspective with the aim to expand ideas about what porn can say, do and be.
Independent, conceptual, creative, porn cinema. She speaks, writes and spends her time talking about making porn creatively and independently, sex as performance, authenticity and the self, art and pornography, technology and sex, camming and online censorship.
Vex Links
instagram.com/vextape
instagram.com/fourchambers
*What we were consuming*
[Theory] Noelle Purdue (writer, artist, internet porn historian)
[Sauna] Boiler Sauna Berlin
[Research] Essay on women's growing interest in violent porn
[Film] Maman parts 1 & 2 (mommy kink) can be found on the Four Chambered Heart website.
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CRUDE # 40
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Paulita Pappel to talk about her role as an intimacy coordinator on film sets. Paulita has experience as a performer, producer and director in the adult industry as well as mainstream movies.
The crew discuses feminist porn and Paulita's incredible biography as visionary, activist and creative genius within the European porn scene. Before then discuss the role of an Intimacy coordinator role in cinema.
Is the role just about actor protection?
Can you be an intimacy coordinator and influence what a film looks like?
How can you work with queer sex scenes if you aren't queer?
Why is the Berlin porn film festival different?
What have romantic comedies to do with porn?
Paulita Pappel is a Spanish filmmaker and feminist pornographer. After studying comparative literature in Berlin, she worked both in front and behind the camera. She is the founder of Lustery, a platform dedicated to the sex lives of real-life couples from around the world. She is the director of HardWerk, a film studio creating cinematic and tailored erotica. She also co-organizes and curates the Porn film festival Berlin and the conference Adult Industry Forum. Paulita works as a producer, director, performer and intimacy coordinator, and is an advocate for a sex-positive, consent-based culture.
*Links*
paulitapappel.com
https://www.instagram.com/paulitapappel
https://x.com/PaulitaPappel
Paulita Pappel selected filmography: here
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Virginie Despentes, King Kong Theory (2006)
[Film] Anora (2024)
[Film] Blue is the Warmest Colour(2024)
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CRUDE #39
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to finally dive deep into how they each define kink and fetish, what these concepts mean to them personally, and how they shape their relationships, identities, and everyday lives. In this episode, the trio explores the differences and overlaps between kink culture, fetish culture, latex, and sexual expression, sharing real-life experiences, misconceptions they’ve encountered, and the evolution of their own desires.
They talk about the role of consent, communication, boundaries, power dynamics, and negotiation within kink; how specific fetishes develop; and why self-acceptance is key in any alternative sexuality journey. The conversation also touches on how many people turn to sex workers to explore their kinks and fetishes.
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Anastasiia Federova, Second Skin: Inside the Worlds of Fetish, Kink and Deviant Desire (2025)
[Book] Justin Lehmiller, The Psychology of Human Sexuality (2014)
[Definition] Paraphilia – a condition characterized by unusual sexual desires, typically involving extreme or dangerous activities.
[Wikipedia] Jessica Rabbit
[Fetish] "objectophile" or "objectum sexual": An individual who experiences romantic or sexual feelings towards inanimate objects.
[Book] Emily Nagoski , Come as You Are (2015)
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CRUDE # 38
Frank in Berlin and Effie in London sit down with filmmakers Sam and Ed from altSHIFT Films to explore the world of ethical and feminist porn, creative freedom, and the evolving landscape of adult media.
Recorded during the Berlin Porn Film Festival, this episode dives into how ethical adult filmmaking challenges traditional narratives and the stigma that often surrounds the industry.
Sam and Ed — longtime creators and industry professionals — share insights from their latest movie Blowie, and open up about how they approach filmmaking with integrity, consent, and artistry.
In this episode, we discuss:
What defines ethical porn?
The role of performers, directors, and producers on set
The realities of filming — from consent practices to creative storytelling
Is impact play and similar content automatically unethical?
Why the Berlin Porn Film Festival is a key space for sex-positive cinema and artistic expression
Join the CRUDIES as they unpack questions about ethics, representation, and the art behind adult filmmaking.
altSHIFT film
"A couple of queers making cinematic filth"
twitter.com/altshiftxxx
instagram.com/xxaltshiftxx
*What we were consuming*
[Film] Blowie
[Festival] Berlin Porn Film Festival
[Data on female kinks] Aella
[Wiki] Prince Andrew and the Epstein Scandal
[Film] The Antichrist, 2009 (Lars von Trier)
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CRUDE # 37
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Lucy Banks in Perth, Australia to talk about her incredible life journey from corporate banking to a successful career on OnlyFans and the challenges this brought to her as a mother – from aggressive mothers at school to problems within her friend circles.
Lucy Banks is the founder of Million Billion Media, a global PR and marketing agency helping adult creators and spicy brands build real, sustainable businesses. Previously one of Australia’s top OnlyFans creators, Lucy now uses her unique experience on both sides of the industry to help creators scale their income and grow their influence
Million Billion Media Website: millionbillionmedia.com
Lucy's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imlucybanks/
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Kate Manne. Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny (2017)
[Expo] SeEx (formerly SexPo) Australia. Adult lifestyle expo
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CRUDE #36
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London and special guests Dr Danielle and Celeste from the Somatica Institute to talk about their approach to sex and relationship counselling. Somatic healing covers emotions, communication, passion and sexual pleasure.
Celeste and Dr Danielle help clients their desires, boundaries, and feelings openly to became better listeners with their partners and the people they love.
Their innovative work has garnered international attention. Most notably through their roles as consulting producers and on-screen experts for Virgin Island, a groundbreaking British TV series on Channel 4 that introduces viewers to the transformative power of real-time intimacy coaching.
Instagram:
@somatica_institute
@celesteanddanielleofficial
TikTok: @celesteanddanielle
Websites:
somaticainstitute.com
learn.somatica.com
sexcoaching.com
*What we were consuming*
[Definition] Sex surrogate
[Series] Virigin Island
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CRUDE #35
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in Spain and two very special guests to talk about female awakening and empowerment, OnlyFans, being ADHD and neurodivergent as well as burgeoning censorship in the US and OnlyFans. Mistress Kolipi and Øthyr took time out of their busy calendar(s) to share their life and missions with the Crudies
Mistress Kolipi and Øthyr describe themselves as are architects of desire who dismantle the boundaries between pain and pleasure, dominance and devotion.
Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Mistress Kolipi and Øthyr are a queer POC artist duo who create erotic works that function as ritual, rebellion, and reclamation. Their films, images, and performances challenge the gaze, rewrite the rules, and invite audiences into deeper states of embodiment, surrender, and power.
Kolipi is a femme domme of colour and professional dominatrix whose ceremonial approach to kink merges discipline with transformation.
Øthyr is an award-winning film director, photographer, and music producer whose past work for Nike, Red Bull, National Geographic, The New York Times, and NY Fashion Week has earned three Cannes Lions. Their work has been featured alongside Ai Weiwei, bridging the worlds of art, sex, and political resistance.
Here is a master link where you can catch up on the duo's latest projects: HausofKo
Haus of Ko on Insta: Instagram: instagram.com/@haus.of.ko
Website: www.hausofko.com
*What we were consuming*
[Learning] The Consent Academy
[Film] Hump Film Festival
[Research - DSM 5] Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
[US Law] Interstate Obscenity Definition Act (2025)
[SW documentary] Shame Shifters (Insta: https://www.instagram.com/shame_shifters/)
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CRUDE #34
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Talia as they discuss sexual abuse and how it can relate to sexuality to art and to self-understanding.
*Confidential/Anonymous Helplines*
If you are over the age of 16, living in England & Wales, and have been affected by any form of sexual violence or abuse, specialist and confidential support is available 24/7. Call 0808 500 2222 or visit the 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line to chat online or find out more.
Germany
Unter der Nummer 0800 22 55 530 ist das Hilfe-Telefon Sexueller Missbrauch montags, mittwochs und freitags von 9:00 bis 14:00 Uhr sowie dienstags und donnerstags von 15:00 bis 20:00 Uhr bundesweit, kostenfrei und anonym erreichbar.
*What we were consuming*
[Statistics] UNICEF report and statistics on child abuse globally
[Book] Roxanne Gay. Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture (2018)
[Wikipedia] Bravo: German Teen magazine
[Art movement] (Viennese Actionism - Wiener Aktionismus)
[Wikipedia] Hermann Nitsch
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CRUDE #33
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with the female founders of Berlin Nocturne —a kink-friendly, inclusive companionship agency.
From careers in marketing, art direction, health, and hospitality, these women found their way into seggswork and Berlin’s seggs positive scene.
We talk about why they started this project, what sets them apart in the world of companionship, and how they are building spaces and a community where diverse desire is not only welcomed—but celebrated in all its expressions: curious, queer, intimate, wild, soft, and powerful.
berlin-nocturne (.de)
moonlightsociety-berlin (.de)
*What we were consuming*
[Parties] Pinky Promise UK & Berlin
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CRUDE #32
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat with special guest Dr Diane Mueller to talk about how to reignite and reset desire and passion in longtime relationships. Where Dr Diane's expertise lies in mainly monogamous couples, the Crudes discuss desire across the spectrum of relationship forms.
How does dopamine affect relationships?And what are the siggles?Late in the episode, the Crudes talk about dating apps and closing orgasm gaps in their own relationships. Not forgetting Misty's experience wrestling in coconut oil with 25 people at Liquid Love Berlin.
Dr. Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, is a board certified sexologist with dual doctorates in Naturopathic as well as Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. She's the founder of the sex education centre: MyLibidoDoc.com and hosts 'The Libido Lounge' podcast, where she helps monogamous couples create more passion, desire hotter seggs and better communication.
Free Libido Quiz: Find the root causes (and solutions) for low libido: LibidoQuiz.comFree e-Book: Revive Your Love Life: 5 easy steps for mind-blowing orgasms and romance: hotterlife.comYesNoMaybe Checklist: MySexDoc.com*What we were consuming*
[Dating app] Breeze
[Book] Emily Nagoski. Come as You Are (revised 2021)
[Definition] Limerence is a term to describe a state of involuntary obsession with another person, often characterized by an intense infatuation and a strong longing for emotional reciprocation. It's distinct from love, as it involves a focus on the possibility of a relationship rather than the established emotional connection and commitment of love.
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CRUDE #31
Misty and Frank in Berlin and Effie in London are joined by special guest Velvetine to talk all about Shibari.
What's the difference between Shibari and bondage?
Is Shibari always seggsual?
How old is Shibari?
Velvetine is a Berlin-based Shibari model whose happy place is finding freedom in restraints. Coming to Shibari from BDSM, getting tied is an erotic and kinky practice for Velvetine and not just an artistic practice.
When she’s not found swinging from the ceiling in ropes, Velvetine is a kink and erotica writer and movement practitioner. You can find her on Instagram at Velvetine_dreams and for those of you pervs with F*tl*fe: _Velvetine_
*What we were consuming*
[Photography] Cate Blanchett does Shibari
*Recommendations for Shibari spaces*
Berlin:
KOR Berlin @korberlin on IG - rope jams on Fridays
Daruma @daruma_berlin - rope jams on Thursday evenings and Shibari life drawing events once per month
Anatomie Studio @anatomielondon
Barcelona:
La Gabia @la_gabia_ | Shizen Studio @shizenstudio.bcn
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CRUDE #30
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie in London to chat to special guest Skadi to talk about all things CNC (Consensual Non-Consent). CNC will either send shivers down your spine or your genitals.
All the current research says that between 31% and 57% of women have fantasies in which they are forced into sex against their will. A huge for 9% to 17% of women, these fantasies are a frequent or favourite fantasy experience. CNC or rape fantasies are mainstream fantasy, that nobody talks about in mainstream media.
Why shouldn't we say rape or ravage fantasy?
What is active surrender?
What's a crime kink?
*What we were consuming*
[Definition] What Is Consensual Non-Consent? The Kink Shrouded in Fear and Misconception (Vice)
[Book] Submit by Sonnet (2024)
[Research] Women's Erotic Rape Fantasies: An Evaluation of Theory and Research
[Book] Come as you Are (2021)
[Book/Film] Gerald's Game (1992/2017)
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CRUDE#29
Misty, and Frank in Berlin are joined by Effie and Angel in London to talk about Angel's journey of discovery and trans experience.
What is it like to hide your trans self?
What is a man, and how do men act?
When and why did Angel's dysphoria blow up?
And who sold weed to George Michael?
Angel is a pro domme (under the name Eris), cam girl, spicy content creator, kink photographer, welfare monitor, and dungeon mistress at some of the biggest UK feti$h parties. She founded Catnip FLINTA play parties.
As a seggs worker as well as a certified scene queen of the queer kink community, and as a woman of trans experience, Angel advocates for intersectionality within the London kink and fetish world.
[Insta] @angel_in_a_cage_80
[Website] Serve Eris
[Parties -London] Catnip parties (no CIS men allowed)
*What we were consuming*
[Book] Roxanne Gay, Not That Bad (2018)
[Music] Grime music
[Party-London] Riot Party
[Writing] Five act structure
[Definition] FLINTA - those who identify as Female, Lesbian, Intersex, Non-binary, Trans, or Agender
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CRUDE #28
Misty and Frank in Berlin are joined by special guest Simon to talk about men, masculinity and the patriarchy. Simon discusses his journey of learning to suppress emotions and to open up about feelings, something that is absent from most boys' and men's skills sets, but why?
What do men talk about when they talk?
What don't men talk about when they meet up?
Why don't men have their own feminism?
Why don't men even think of themselves as men beyond the male roles they are given?
Should gender education be part of school curricula? What would it look like?
Simon Fokt holds a PhD in Philosophy and lectures at HTW Berlin. His academic work focuses on aesthetics, applied ethics, and metaphilosophy. His focus on taking complex philosophical concepts out of the scholarly discourse led him to adapt Aristotle’s virtue ethical concepts and apply them to modern masculinity discourse.
For more on Simon, visit his Linktree (website, Insta etc) here
Simon on YouTube: Here
*What we were consuming*
[Video] What is The Man Box?
[Statistics] Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK
[Statistics] The connection between a lack of male role models on violence, drug abuse and criminality
[TED Talk] How masculinity is evolving
[Academic article] Changing men, changing masculinities
[Philosophy] David Hume: "Reason Is and Ought Only to Be the Slave of the Passions."
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