Эпизоды
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It’s back to school season, and as such, this month my two podcast episodes are going to be focused on supporting all the parents out there.
One of the most difficult places we can experience GASLIGHTING is when we are having to “parallel parent” with a GASLIGHTING ex. The stories I’ve heard throughout my career of how this has played out would break your heart. So today I’ve invited someone near and dear to my heart to help me talk about this very difficult topic and give you some ideas of how to handle this if you are one of the many who don’t get to walk away from your gaslighter like I did.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around GASLIGHTING.
My guest today is Lindsay - a therapist and mother to five boys.
Story Time: Sarah and Lindsay talk about a variety of ways parents who have divorced their gaslighter, but still share children, experience GASLIGHTING. From "love-bombing" to undermining, they share many relatable stories and a few tips and tools to help you if you can relate.
Top Take-Aways:
Give yourself permission to prioritize yourself so that you can be fully present for your kiddos. Remember this important FACT: It’s NOT your job to “cover” or “protect” that gaslighting parent.Remember the goal: stay connected to what you know to be true. You don’t have to prove yourself to your ex/validate why you want the boundaries/”rules”, etc. – if they don’t agree/wont’ comply, you get to differentiate, etc. Remember this statement: "If it's important to me, then it's important".I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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I saw a picture of a sign that read, “better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room”. I felt that. There have been big and small ways I’ve LIVED that.
We ALL have ended up walking through the wrong door a time or two in our lives. Being able to recognize when we’ve ended up in the wrong room is crucial to living in alignment with our values in a way that is authentically us, rather living in alignment with what others want of us.
Today I’m going to use this context to get political. I can’t stay silent about what I’ve seen with my brain that is SO attuned to recognizing the gaslighting that happens. Not when I’m seeing such huge and harmful impact because of it.
What I want to do today is speak to those of you who may be experiencing cognitive dissonance because you are beginning to realize that you walked through the wrong door. I want to help you understand how that happened. I want to help you feel seen and understood. And I want to help you find the clarity and power to get out of the wrong room.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people recognize the patterns of gaslighting and what’s more - heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
Story Time: Sarah deconstructs the "how" and "why" we end up walking through the wrong door; shares a concept she found in a Dr. Ramini video, shares a non-political example so we can see it in action, shares a personal example from her own life of walking through the wrong door, and then gets a bit political... all from a place of grace, yet wanting to speak out about the political abuse she's seeing, so that the USA can heal.
Top Take-Aways:
For those who may be in the wrong room:
Give yourself grace. You were lured in because you trusted someone who used your values against you. Pay attention to when and how FEAR is guiding your decisions. When we are guided by fear, we are vulnerable to coercion.Look for the ½ truths – especially with exaggeration and distortion, and when you are noticing extreme fear.Get clear on your values and get curious around how they may be being manipulated through the aforementioned coercion. Give yourself permission to leave the room.For those who love someone that’s stuck in the wrong room:
Approach them from the place of seeing them – their values, their fears, etc. Know it’s okay to have boundaries with them.And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, walked through the wrong door - but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we get some freedom and fly.
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Пропущенные эпизоды?
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Life can be really, really hard sometimes. Trauma. Betrayal. Gaslighting… fear, pain, abandonment… it can be immobilizing. It’s not surprising that these things can (and often do) lead to depression. I remember being in some pretty dark places after the discovery of my ex’s deviant sexual behaviors – especially in the early days.
One thing that I learned, quickly, that had the possibility to bring me out of those depths of despair, was laughter. Cultivating experiences where we can laugh and/or feel joy is often overlooked and not truly understood. So today, I’ve invited Dr. Jessica Lamar onto the pod to talk about why these things are so important for us.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting.
My guest today is Dr. Jessica Lamar, Co-Founder and Director of Business Development and Strategy at the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC) in Seattle, WA.
Story Time: Sarah and Jessica geek out about the science behind laughter and smiling, talk about the difference between faking it til you make it and toxic positivity, and share tips on how to nurture laughter and joy.
Top Take-Aways:
Start small and safe Be intentional/choose to give yourself opportunities to laugh/find joyLook out for toxic positivity by being aware of "but" vs "and" (you want to be using the "and").If you'd like to follow Dr. Jessica Lamar and the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC), you can do so on Instagram where you can sign up for the email list, find resources, and learn more about their intensives.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform. I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.
Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Along my journey of deconstructing and unpacking all the ways gaslighting had impacted me throughout my life, there’s one key lesson that, if I hadn’t learned, I don’t think I’d ever have found the ability to stay connected to my authentic self, nor live from the place of authentic power. That lesson can be summed up in these three words: sacred self-responsibility.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, this month, while summer is in full swing, I’ve ventured away from exclusively gaslighting-themed topics, and instead am bringing topics that will help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website.
Bio: My guest today is Bethany Ellen. Bethany is an award-winning mentor, best-selling author, and founder of Permission Granted.
Story Time: Sarah and Bethany get into the details of what sacred self-responsibility is, and how we can learn to ride the swings of the pendulum and come back to our authentic self by leaning into our core values.
Top Take-Aways:
Check in with yourself, specifically regarding "Villian/Victim". Am I making myself the victim or villain, or is someone else trying to convince me that I am the victim/villain?Use the concept of the grandfather clock pendulum and be curious about the extremes of compliance & defiance. Give yourself permission to be on a journey towards sacred self-responsibility, starting with simply getting curious about what responsibility means, then moving into what do you want to be responsible for/whom to, and then moving into owning that "sacred" aspect of using self-responsibility to help you step into "wholeness".If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to live from a place of sacred self-responsibility, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.
If you'd like to follow Bethay, you can do so on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. AND, if you'd like to get any of her Masterclasses (they are SO good!), you can use the coupon code: PODCASTSarah to get 50% off ANY masterclass Bethany has in her store (live in a few weeks).
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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There are a lot of words these days that are misunderstood. “Triggered” is one such word. It’s also a very important word, as it’s one of those words that can help us both recognize what’s happening to us, as well as help us communicate to others what is happening to us. So today, my guest and I are going to help bring clarity to the things surrounding the experience of being triggered and leave you with some helpful tips on how to recognize and deal with triggers.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. This month, while summer is in full swing, I’m venturing away from specifically GASLIGHTING-themed topics, and instead bringing up topics that will hopefully help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website.
My guest today is Tammy Gustafson. Tammy is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor, coach, EMDR-certified clinician, and speaker. She is the founder of Betrayal Healing and is the host of the annual Betrayal Healing Conference.
Story Time: Sarah and Tammy talk about their own journey of healing and dealing with triggers, what they've seen as some of the most common struggles around triggers, and how we can "reduce or remove" triggers as we are healing.
Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)
Reverse engineer – if you can identify when you have been triggered, work backwards. Ask your who/what/where/when. Who was around you? What did they say/do or NOT say/do? Where did it happen? When did it happen?Ask: can I remove the thing that is triggering me? If not, can I minimize an aspect of it somehow – less time around a certain person/environment; boundaries around places/things; grocery shopping example. Ask: is what I’m experiencing big feelings/activated or triggered? If it’s connected to a traumatic experience and we are in fight/flight/freeze/fawn, then we need to get to safety and get grounded/brain body connection back online. If activated, get curious - identify what feeling, what needs do I have? What values are being infringed upon, etc.Try using the "How we feel" app to identify and track your feelings/triggers.If you want to connect with or follow Tammy, you can go to her website, or follow her on Instagram or Facebook.
As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and
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Where on your list of priorities is doing things to care for yourself? How much time and energy do you put into things that bring you joy or “fill your bucket”? How you answered these questions likely reflects your beliefs – conscious OR unconscious – about self-care.
And of course we struggle to give ourselves permission to do self-care. We’ve been told that self-care is everything from “selfish” to “lazy”. Additionally, most of us, when we most need it, can’t even think of HOW to do self-care because of being in trauma-brain.
So today I’ve invited Adrianna Lewis of The Heartbreak Box, who is doing amazing work in the area of self-care, to be on the pod so that we can debunk the GASLIGHTING around self-care AND learn both truths and tools to step into transformative, radical self-love through self-care.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. If you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing.
Story Time: Sarah and Adrianna talk about the journey Adrianna has been on that led her to not only realize how crucial self-care is but find her passion in helping others embrace a lifestyle of self-care.
Top Take-Aways:
Make a pie chart of where/to whom you give your time and energy. Reflect on how much you give to yourself. Now ask yourself, how much of the pie chart do I believe reflects the values I want to live by? What would my pie chart look like if it was reflecting my values? From Adrianna - remember PIESS. These are the areas we GET to do self-care: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social and Spiritual. Take account of where you are lacking and try doing some self-care to fill the void.If you want to get on Adrianna's Heartbreak Box waitlist, you can do so here. You can follow her on Instagram or follow her Facebook page.
As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact… I’m mostly on Facebook and Instagram, though I do have a cache of videos on TikTok.
Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time
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A few years ago, I had my founding members group for my Empowerment program. Before we began, I asked them to share the songs that helped bring them back to themselves. Some truly amazing songs came of that. One of the songs that I found that captured the journey the group was going on was Masterpiece, by Jessie J.
The chorus says: I still fall on my face sometimes and I can't color inside the lines, 'cause I'm perfectly incomplete - I'm still working on my masterpiece. And I - I wanna hang with the greats, got a way to go, but it's worth the wait, no - You haven't seen the best of me, I'm still working on my masterpiece.
In today’s episode, I’ve asked one of my founding members, who is kinda the poster woman for this energy, to come share what she’s been doing and HOW she’s been doing it. It’s going to be an epic show!
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and my website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! Side note – that list of songs is on spotify.
My guest today is no stranger to the pod, as she was in season one at least twice. She is truly a magical person. Lauren is this incredibly fierce powerhouse of a woman who is a fighter and a queen who has survived significant betrayal and gaslighting trauma along with a total loss of self-worth. Over the years she has worked tirelessly to reclaim herself, her peace, and her power.
Story Time: Sarah and Lauren talk about the journey Lauren went through to get to the place of freedom and confidence that allows her to be "creating her masterpiece.
Top Take-Aways:
Create your own (or borrow mine) “creating my masterpiece” playlist you can listen to. Find your “movement”/body experience that helps you feel groundedn and/or empowered – like dancing, or running, etcCreate a mantra, and state it in the present tense: “I am creating my masterpiece” vs “I will create my masterpiece”.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I’ll have the link in the show notes.
As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Have you ever seen that Dove “Real Beauty” sketches campaign video – the one where the women met a stranger, and after some time talking, that stranger gave their description to an FBI forensics artist. Then the women described themselves to that same artist. AND THEN, they had the big reveal of the difference between the stranger’s description and their own description. WITHOUT FAIL, the more accurate picture (and more flattering picture) was the one that came from the description of the stranger. Big forehead; small eyes; too many freckles; big nose. These women tended to focus on the things they believed were negative about themselves AND saw them as a bigger deal than they actually were. Why do we do this? AND how can we STOP doing this?
In today’s episode, during this month of focusing on self-worth, I’ve asked the amazing Leslie Jordan to come back to the pod and help us understand our body image issues and the thief of self-love that comparison can be.
Welcome you to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me!
Bio: My guest today is Leslie Jordan Garcia, MBA, MPH, CEDRS, CPT (she/her), a dedicated Eating Disorder Recovery and Body Liberation Coach.
*In case you missed it, Leslie and I had an amazing conversation back in season 1, where we talked about the struggle of how we view our bodies – especially when it comes to the concept of being “overweight. That episode was season 1, episode 33, titled, “I was overweight by THEIR standards”.
Story Time: Sarah and Leslie talk about what body liberation is, why it's such hard work, and WHY IT'S SO WORTH IT!
Top Take-Aways:
Follow Leslie on InstagramIf you struggle with feeling self-acceptance and self-love when it comes to your body and want to experience body liberation - get on Leslie's wait list!If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Do you remember what your dreams were when you were a kid… or maybe when you were a teenager. How about as you entered into your mid-twenties? Were you encouraged to dream, or told dreaming was foolish or a waste of time?
And here’s the big one: were your dreams crushed by betrayal and/or gaslighting? Any number of these things can disconnect us from this thing I believe all humans have initially – the ability to dream audaciously. So today, my guest and I are going to have a chat to connect the dots of what causes this, and how we can begin to dream again – no matter the reason that was taken from you.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I’m launching, conferences I’ll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website: deconstructinggaslighting.com
My guest today is my very good friend and amazing colleague, Rae Gaelyn Emerson of healing talks back.
Story Time: Sarah and Rae geek out over the intersection of dreams and values. Their discussion leads them to a variety of connecting points, with all roads leading back to how brave it is to continue to dream after betrayal/trauma.
Top Take-Aways: How can we be audacious dreamers?
Balance safety with audacityPlay – you don’t have to take action... yet or ever. Self-talk: “I am worthy of having beautiful dreams and seeing them come true.”Self-talk: “I give myself permission to dream. It is an important part of being human.”If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website, and Rae's website. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into Radical self-love.
Follow me and Rae on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and Tiktok. Rae is on Facebook.
Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Have you seen those social media posts that go something like this – and I quote: “After all that she gave him, imagine what she’ll be able to give to the next person…” and then it says, “Not a thing, because he broke her.” I HATE that picture. That belief that somehow, because of the trauma that I or my clients have been through, we’re somehow now “damaged goods”; as if what we went through is now our identity instead of a chapter (or a few chapters) in our life.
This month the theme of my podcast episodes is self-worth, and I can’t imagine a better place to start than tackling this nonsense with a lens on gaslighting.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me!
My guest today is Phoenix Gould.
Story Time: Sarah and Phoenix talk about Phoenix's experience growing up with a Narcissistic mother, how that caused her to have a core of, "I'm broken", and the journey of healing. Along the way, they both discuss the common obstacles to overcoming this belief, and things both they and their clients find helpful in living from a place of wholeness.
Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)
Phoenix's guided mediation: Free Radical Self-Love PracticeDo Kintsugi as an embodiment experience!Find/create a mantra that connects you to what your authentic/higher/wiser self would say about you.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook and Instagram the most, but I do have videos on TikTok, too.
You can find Phoenix on Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube. She also has a Facebook Group for Women, and a Free Coffee Chat with Phoenix!
Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful, and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can
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Have you ever had that little nudge – you know, the one that tells you something isn’t right. Or the one that alerts you to some bad energy from the guy over in the produce section? And how many times did you talk yourself out of listening to that little nudge? Why do we do that? Well, today my guest and I are going to talk about the ways we do this, the reasons WHY we do this (ahem, self-gaslighting anyone?), and how we can begin to trust our gut again. All month long we’ve been talking about self-gaslighting, and y’all, I’ve saved the best for last. I fully believe you’re going to LOVE every minute of our conversation!
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
Bio: My guest today is Alana Gordon, co-owner and founder of Choose Recovery Services.
Story Time: Sarah and Alana talk about everything from the neurobiology of our "gut", to personal storied of how they didn't listen to their gut, to how they've learned to pay attention to their gut/body/feelings/intuition.
Top Take-Aways:
Listen to your body - slow down and pay attention to both physical and emotional sensations. The warehouse analogy: make sure you're moving things through via writing it out or talking it out. Practice listening to your gut/body to develop those "trust" neuropathways.Give words to your physical sensations. Look for where the incongruence is between your head/heart/gut/body, and ask yourself, "why" (while making sure you're safe). Ask yourself what YOU can do to bring yourself back into congruence.I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to trust your own intuition and so much more, check out my and Alana’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into a place of self-knowing and self-trust.
I encourage you to follow me and Alana on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook and Instagram. Alana is on Instagram and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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As a child in the 80’s, I remember being at the skating rink and playing Limbo on skates. Yep, I was that kid. LOL The song, “Limbo rock” would start, and EVERYONE knew it was time… every limbo boy and girl all around the limbo world… la la la la la la la… limbo lower now… limbo lower now … how low can you go? And the competition would begin to see who would get the bragging rights of being the one who could go the lowest (spoiler – it was never me lol).
I don’t remember how long ago it was that I’d heard enough of my clients making concessions and realizing just how low their relationship bar had been lowered, but one day it hit me – it’s like we’ve unknowingly been playing limbo in our relationships – lowering and lowering our bar in an attempt to not end the game (so to speak).
So today I’m going to share just a little bit about how concessions are a HUGE part of the
experience of self-gaslighting.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
Story Time: Sarah explains how making concessions is often where we end up after living in the land of shoulds. She gives definitions and real-life examples to show how we do this all. the. time!
Top Take-Aways:
Recognize that making concessions is not only self-gaslighting, it’s self-abandonment. Create a mantra for yourself that is something like, “I do not abandon myself to make others happy”. Pay attention to any time you say, “maybe I...”, or “at least they…” and ask yourself, am I making a concession here?Remind yourself that relationships are not a game of limbo. If you are basically seeing yourself in "how low can you go" mode, give yourself permission to stop and begin doing the work of shoring up your boundaries and raising your bar!I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram.
Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Do you “should all over yourself”? I remember one of the first times my wise mama said something to that effect. “I try not to should all over myself.” It wasn’t until quite a few years later that I connected the dots to that saying and self-gaslighting. Here’s the thing though, while I try to avoid using the word, “should”. It’s not ALWAYS self-gaslighting. So, when IS it self-gaslighting and when isn’t it?
In today’s episode, I’m going to get into the nitty gritty of self-gaslighting and the should, and help you spot the signs of this experience.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
Story Time: Sarah revisits her definition of GASLIGHTING, the definition of should, and shares a funny analogy about donuts to explain the difference between when should is and is not self-gaslighting.
Top Take-Aways:
Try to remove the words should/shouldn’t from your vocabulary. Try this instead: "Because I value my health, I’m choosing to not get that donut, even though I want it."When you do say “should”, ask yourself where that judgement/sense of obligation is coming from, and ask yourself, "what are MY authentic thoughts/beliefs/feelings about this?"When in doubt, look to your values. For example, “I should be grateful”. Do I value gratitude? Yes. Do I give it unconditionally? No. I am not grateful for poor treatment, even if the other person expects me to be. I am not grateful for gifts with strings attached, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU and how you live out your values.I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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What comes to mind for you when I say the words, “Self-Gaslighting”? For some of us, we automatically resonate, and know that we have, indeed, done this to ourselves. For others, the old definition of gaslighting we may know brings resistance, as we can’t help but hear some sort of victim blaming. In my practice, the MOST powerful transformations have happened when people have understood the way we “self-gaslight”, have broken the power those messages had over them, and rewrote the narrative. This topic of self-gaslighting is so important, I’m dedicating the whole month of May to it. I’m calling this living in the land of shoulds.
In today’s episode, I’m going to explain just what self-gaslighting is, and the two main ways it happens.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
Story Time: Sarah talks about the main principles of self-gaslighting - giving examples of direct and indirect origins, and how (and why) those messages get internalized/become self-directed gaslighting messages.
Top Take-Aways:
Get curious about statements that drive you, but don’t come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself – statements like, “I’m not enough” or “I’m too much”. Ask yourself, “If I could hear what my authentic self would say to me about this belief, what would they say?”Get curious about the origins of any of these statements. Did someone say something to you directly that you internalized? Did you extrapolate meaning from your surroundings?Make a pledge to yourself to do your best to not be “self-directing” with any gaslighting statements.I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Did you experience gaslighting in your family of origin? While most of my clients find me to help heal from the gaslighting they’ve experienced in their intimate partnership, almost every single one eventually begins to see how the gaslighting they’ve endured goes all the way back to things that happened in their childhood. Today, I’ve brought on an old friend and colleague whose experiences in this realm will help you see the impact this type of gaslighting has on so many of us.
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on my podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing.
My guest today is Christy Kane of Soul Work Counseling.
Story Time: Sarah and Christy have a candid conversation around the GASLIGHTING Christy endured at the hands of her family of origin, and it's profound impact throughout her life.
Top Take-Aways:
If you're trying to decide about which route to take with your family of origin - either cutting them out of your life or trying the boundaries route: look out for the "shoulds". Like, "I should let them stay with me when they visit", etc. Give yourself permission to reassess your boundaries periodically/as needed. Remind yourself of the "broken chair analogy".If you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Chrity’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.
I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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When you stop and do the math, what consumes most of your time? When you think about the relationships that may involve GASLIGHTING, what makes the top of your list? Was work your first or second response? If not, it might need to be. So today I’m going to talk just a little bit about GASLIGHTING in the work environment.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I wanted to let you know about a FREE summit that is happening right now. The 2024 Choose Connection Summit. It’s theme this year is: Strengthened by the Storm. This summit is the only one I am speaking at this year that is primarily focused on couples working on healing from the trauma of secret betrayal. If this is you, I encourage you to jump on this opportunity while it’s still FREE, and hear from not only me, but many other of the worlds’ leading experts in this field.
Story Time: Sarah has fun sharing the lyrics from the song, "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton, while also sharing some things to be aware of when trying to notice GASLIGHTING in your work environments.
GASLIGHTING in the workplace can be a very real, very disempowering, abusive experience. It causes confusion, depression, anxiety; it can take an intelligent, confident, super-qualified person and reduce them to a person who questions whether any decision they make it the right one or will be “good enough”.
Top Take-Aways:
Look for ways DARVO may show up in the work world.Remember it's not always between your boss/management & you - OFTEN it’s between coworkers. Remember to stay connected to what you know to be true. Keep a record of what was said, when, by whom. Whether you do anything with this information or not depends on a LOT of the potential fallout of your actions.The main point is to not lose yourself and take on the other people’s perceptions. This is what will help you not get stuck in toxic work environments longer than you have to.As I wrap up today, I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. Today’s episode may be one of the most difficult I’ve ever done, and that’s because the topic is SO TRICKY. It’s also super, super important. So, I’m going to ask that you hang with us for a bit. If it feels like a sensitive topic to you, I invite you to give my guest and I just five to ten minutes to see our hearts and hear how we unpack today’s topic. That topic is about the ways GASLIGHTING and religion intersects, and the myriad of ways that’s playing out in both our individual and corporate lives.
Bio: My guest today is no stranger to the pod... Ms. Jenni Rochelle!
Story Time: Sarah and Jenni start by talking about the difference between faith (a belief) and religion (a system), in the hopes of setting the stage for a safe place to ask the questions and challenge any toxicity we may see in the religious systems we find ourselves in. They share some of the most common ways people experience religious GASLIGHTING/abuse.
Top Take-Aways:
Look for signs of religious gaslighting: feeling a LOT of fear, shame or coercion; experiencing isolation/being told not to trust “non-believers”; inconsistency in messaging and/or inconsistency between messaging and living things out; the dogma of there being only one “right” way (values; how to be a good person, etc.) and look for incongruence in yourself – when you can’t “shake” a bad feeling in your gut/soul/body Give yourself permission to ask questions… and keep asking them and seek out answers from a variety of sources – not just ones that will reinforce what you’ve been told already by your “leaders”. Be willing/ready to sit in the cognitive dissonance that this kind of work creates – that means you’re doing the work! Trust that the process will bring you to truth.If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold religious GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into self-trust and Radical self-love.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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This episode is going to be a tough one. Today my guest and I are going to talk about racial and cultural gaslighting. I say this is going to be a tough one, because as a white woman who, for the majority of her life, lived as a white, cis-gender, heterosexual, Christian woman, I was near the top of privilege – EVEN though I didn’t know it. And that’s kind of the point – when we are gaslit, we don’t realize we’ve taken on other people’s thoughts, beliefs, values, feelings, or perspectives as our own. So, we need to have this conversation to bring awareness to places we’ve either experienced or been an unintentional part of perpetuating the system that gaslights the Bipoc community.
I want to get my message of clarity and hope around gaslighting in front of more people. If you know of a podcast or conference where my messages would benefit the listeners/attendees, will you email me here and let me know?
My guest today is Tara Beall-Gomes. Check out her website here!
Story Time: Sarah and Tara discuss a variety of ways gaslighting and racial discrimination intersect. It’s important to note that they are doing this as two white women who are trying to learn and be a part of the change. Their hearts are to help raise awareness on this important topic!
Top Take-Aways: (For white people)
Don’t be "colorblind". To see color means, I see you. Wait to be assigned allyship. We can’t just assign that label to ourselves.Get educated/training…. Get involved.Share spaces with our Bipoc people.More about the Deconstructing Gaslighting training and certification for therapists and life coaches. The aim is to create a standard of care for people who have been impacted by gaslighting experiences. If you want to heal from the effects of gaslighting, AND you already have a coach or therapist, I encourage you to advocate for yourself and tell them you’d love it if THEY could support you and guide you as you go through my programs. They can do this by going through the training. IF you are a coach or therapist, I encourage you to go check out the webpage that goes into detail about what you’ll get in the training.
I’d love to interact with you! We can do that on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. If you’d like to follow Tara, she is on Facebook and Instagram.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, and welcome to a new month, with a new theme. This month we’re going to be exploring different areas or relationships people experience gaslighting in, and we’re going to start with the one that people are typically MOST aware of – gaslighting in their intimate partnership. And I’m REALLY excited today, because I’m brining on a woman who gives representation to a demographic that is sorely under-represented – but whatever demographic you find yourself in, I’m sure you’re going to be able to relate to things she share about the gaslighting she experienced in her 43 year marriage.
Thank you for being a part of this community. I’d love for you to follow me AND interact with me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Pat, talk about what is was like for Pat to experience GASLIGHTING in her over 40 years of marriage!
Top Take-Aways: Things that I thought could be some take-aways from my and Pat’s conversation:
Notice when you’re putting all your focus on the other person, and instead focus on yourself!
Ask yourself the “better question” – what is and is not okay with me in this relationshipWhen you look at the amount of work your person is putting into the relationship and their own healing, ask yourself, is it enough for me?If/when they say they’re doing their best, remind yourself that just because it’s their best, that doesn’t mean it has to be good enough for you. Learn to be the love of your own life.And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, I’m your host, Sarah Morales, and today’s episode it going to be a bit different.
On Tuesday of last week, I put the final touches on my next speaking opportunity at a summit. The theme of the summit is post-traumatic growth, and my title, "I no longer fear the storm". Irony can be a bitch, because on Wednesday – the very next day – a bomb my ex built probably 15 years ago blew up.
So today I wanted to talk a bit about what it’s been like for me the past few days, and the observations I have about how allllll the work that I’ve been doing for the past 13 years is serving me – big time! Side note, if you're interested, my talk with be at the Daring Ventures Summit.
Top Take-Aways:
Reminder/experience solidarity - that you are NOT aloneFeel inspiration or hopeWhat can we learn from Sarah's post-traumatic growth?SUPPORT TEAM is CRUCIALSELF-CARE is a mustHEALTHY DISTRACTION, spending time in your ZONE OF COMPETENCE/GENIUSGive yourself PERMISSION TO FUNCTION AT LOWER LEVELSBE GENTLE WITH YOURSELFTry giving GOOD, CLEAR COMMUNICATION - especially around things you have AWARENESS OF around your TRAUMA SYMPTOMSFind/gather INFORMATION THAT LEADS TO EMPOWERMENTI wanted to let any new listeners know about the many resources I have on my website.
I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform, where we can connect and even interact! I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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