Эпизоды
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Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don’t expect. That’s how Jennifer’s journey began.
She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling.
Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place.
But God.
Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn’t even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God.
Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women’s program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart.
How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her HeartOne line within the program touched Jennifer’s heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.”
It wasn’t even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart.
But Jesus wanted her whole heart.
She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God’s truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness.
Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage RestoredOne of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer’s story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband!
“It wasn’t about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we’re truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We’re more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.”
That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed.
And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it.
How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact ParentingJennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life.
With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself.
Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken.
Handling Conflict in Marriage Without SpiralingJennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.”
This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don’t fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity.
A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her MarriageWhen I asked Jennifer what she’d say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith:
“There’s hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.”
She continued:
“This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you’re emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can’t get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.”
The Power of a Women’s Christian Coaching CommunityJennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program.
“It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Women need this.”
She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment.
Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New ChapterToday, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They’ve always been best friends—but now they’re more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another.
“There’s nothing I can’t share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we’re living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.”
Final ThoughtsWe are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step and join a community of like-minded people wanting to build their marriages God's way, we would love to hear from you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"I was on the verge of separating from my husband. Things had taken such a turn for the worse between us that life was not sustainable for me as things were going. My husband joined the program and I noticed some changes in him. Things started improving but we had a lot of healing to do; I had a lot of healing to do...We've been to several counselors before this point and my husband wasn't interested in finding another one. He had asked me to join the Delighted Wife program before but things were too broken and I was not willing to do a program that I thought was only about getting me to have more sex with him...But, after seeing him change some and knowing we needed help, I agreed to the program. While sex was a part of Delighted Wife, there were so many other areas for me to focus on first. It laid the foundation for a better and healthier relationship overall. The intimacy part follows."
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If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering…
Why don’t I want sex?
Why does my husband want it more than I do?
Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?
…you’re in the right place.
We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you.
In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help.
What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives?This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.”
Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal!
But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:
Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)
Body image issues and insecurity
Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)
A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict
Shame from upbringing or purity culture
Misunderstandings about what sex is really for
Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several.
That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault.
What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage?We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.”
And that’s biblical.
God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.
Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches:
Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically?
Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit?
Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding?
Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing?
“I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do?If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward:
1. Pray—Every DayInvite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here.
2. Start with What You Do WantMaybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start.
3. Change the Inner NarrativeRather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.”
4. Use Physical SupportTools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore.
5. Communicate with Your HusbandIf he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure.
But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex?That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.”
Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story.
If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing?
This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole.
A Christian Wife’s Invitation to IntimacyWhether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey.
Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it.
Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy.
You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.”
You’re beloved.
Resources to Help You Begin
And intimacy can become a gift again.If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there.
Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service
Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy
New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes EverythingFor more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com
Final ThoughtsYou're not alone.
God is in this with you.
Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage
PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!
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Пропущенные эпизоды?
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Loving Well When You Feel Down
Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship.
So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted?
This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy.
Why Your Marriage Matters in God’s EyesJesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
And your closest neighbor?
It’s your spouse.
Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it’s hard.
What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in MarriageWe all go through tough seasons.
Illness
Financial stress
Parenting challenges
Mental health struggles
It’s in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials.
When you're empty, don’t try to fix everything. Just focus on God’s call to love—simply and sincerely.
Here’s what that looks like:
Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the ChurchWhat does that mean, practically?
Make her feel safe. Don’t push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place.
Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list.
Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly.
These don’t require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life’s mess.
Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted IntimacyThis can feel especially hard when you’re drained. But again, focus on the essentials:
Use respectful words. Even if you’re not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.”
Don’t argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high.
Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn’t about obligation. It’s about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don’t initially feel it.
When You're Struggling—Love AnywayThis is the path Jesus modeled for us.
We don’t love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved.
When you’re struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that’s enough.
God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience.
Final ThoughtsNext time you feel like you can’t give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action.
Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.
With love,
The DYM Team
PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate:
"We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. " -
Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That’s Actually Very Relevant)
Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago...
Picture this: I’m flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn’t roll over me.
I’m convinced something’s stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called.
As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating.
No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened.
Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident.
What the heck happened? And what is happening now?
Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers.
The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong.
I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital.
Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :)
So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next.
But what really changed everything was the x-rays.
They finally discover the truth:
My clavicle was snapped clean through.
Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything.
I finally had clarity.
I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain.I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively.
THIS is what’s happening in the Church right now.
We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad.But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens.
It doesn't.
Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying.
And the Church's sexual scandals are not random.
They are not "one-off" tragedies.
Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn’t Heal It
They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing.If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it?
It would have actually healed wrong.
Permanently damaged.
Maybe even required major surgery to fix later.The Church is at that critical moment.
If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse.That’s why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed.
Church Scandals Are Not Random AccidentsThe fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event.
"He must have just slipped up!"
"It was a moment of weakness!"But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns.
Unchecked small compromises.
Isolation.
A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman.Double lives hidden by fear and shame.
Lack of sexual stewardship.These are not random falls.
The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance
These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated.Satan thrives when we stay ignorant.
When we don’t know the roots, we can't heal them.
When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ.Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks:
"In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11)
Jesus warns us:
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10)
When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:
Steals faith.
Kills trust.
Destroys credibility.We must be wise.
Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal
We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."
We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin.Sexual sin isn’t "just another mistake."
Biblically, it’s in a category of its own:"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18)
When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound:
Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached.People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself.
The wound runs deep.
But Jesus takes it seriously.
Jesus didn’t say:
"Try not to look at porn if you can."
"Lust is understandable, just don't act on it."
No.
He said:
"If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It’s better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29)
Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much.
We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously.
When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created.
That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save.
Cover-Ups Are Spiritual OxycodoneIt’s easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth.
"Let’s quietly remove him." "Let’s not make a big deal; it might hurt the church’s reputation." "Let’s just forgive and move on."That’s spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break.
Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.
The pattern repeats.
More people get hurt.Real love doesn’t ignore cancer.
Real love demands we discover it and deal with it.That's actual love.
And Exposure Alone Isn’t EnoughHere's the other mistake:
Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem.It doesn’t.
Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets.
Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys.
Healing isn’t automatic. It’s hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it’s possible.
Healing the Church Starts with UsYou may be a small group leader.
A volunteer.
A pastor’s wife.
A youth mentor.
A faithful Sunday worshiper.You are part of the Body.
And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers.We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem."
The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act.
The Band-Aid ProblemLet me just say it plainly:
Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let’s not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle.
He's going to bleed out.
And so is the faith of everyone watching.
We need real surgery, not stickers.
What Next? What Pastors and Leaders NeedIf you’ve been wounded by a scandal —
If you’re grieved by the hypocrisy —
If you’re tired of seeing Jesus’ name dragged through the mud —You are not alone.
Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration.
Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply.
Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free TrainingJoin me for a free training:
Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to HealingLet's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.
Let’s start real healing.Sign up today: delightym.com/healthechurch
Healing starts with discovery.
Healing starts with understanding.
Healing starts with you.With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God." -
When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story
It’s a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding.
That’s the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear.
How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick’s LifeThis is not just a testimony—it’s a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you.
Patrick didn’t set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn’t know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal.
But God—
Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It’s a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way.
But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light.
And you’ll hear how it happened for Patrick.
The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter FoundThe real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did.
Yes. Patrick’s 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages.
Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating.
That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing.
Now, he calls it a “blessing”.
The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden.” “It’ll only hurt people if you share.” and “You can fix it yourself."
But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you."
Patrick did. And his life changed.
Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession HealsBut let’s rewind for a second.
Because this story didn’t begin with healing. It began with desperation.
After that discovery, Patrick didn’t know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away.
But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like.
And he offered Patrick a lifeline: “It’s not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage.”
Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn’t a sales pitch. It wasn’t about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could.
The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and AccountabilityThat’s when the real work began.
You’ll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I’m just always going to be an addict." Because that’s not how God sees us.
Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off.
That doesn’t mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction.
But today, Patrick is walking in freedom.
Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out.
And his marriage? On it’s healing journey. Better than ever.
Not because everything’s perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus.
He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He’s leading his family spiritually. He’s serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity.
That’s the kind of freedom God offers.
Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your HeartSo if you’re a husband who’s been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope.
Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband’s secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don’t know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick’s wife is living proof.
And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you’re in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don’t think you’re exempt. You’re not. And that’s okay. This is for you, too.
Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity CallThat’s why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch
This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you’re battling lust yourself or you’re trying to help others—this is your equipping.
You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc
There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn’t come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out.
Patrick’s story is not just his own. It’s a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home.
Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead.
Don’t miss it.
Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who’s in the dark, needing to hear there’s light.
With love,
Belah
Resources:
Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin delightym.com/healthechurch
Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you delightym.com/cc
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Healing Sexual Sin & Shame through the Cross (and Curiosity): Interview with Jay Stringer
There is something so incredible about a story of redemption. And, dear reader, I believe this conversation will be a turning point for you, as it has been for so many in our community.
I’ve walked alongside men and women wrestling with the deep pain of sexual brokenness- the battles they face in their marriage beds, their thought lives, their past, and the weight of shame. I’ve seen firsthand the power of God to restore what seemed utterly lost. And this conversation with Jay Stringer is an invitation to that very healing journey.
Jay is a therapist, minister, researcher, and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. His compassionate, curious approach offers a fresh lens: that the very behaviors we hate are not random. They are clues. And they point us to healing.
On this Good Friday, as we reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus, there is no better time to consider what it truly means to lay our shame at the foot of the cross.
Let’s dive in.
The Cross and Your Story of HealingWe all carry wounds. Some we’re acutely aware of, and others we’ve buried so deeply that they show up in our actions long before we recognize them in our hearts.
Jay opened our conversation by pointing us to the profound truth of the cross. Jesus knew exactly what you would do. Every mistake. Every moment of shame. And yet, He chose to take it all upon Himself. He bore your sin and your shame.
This is not a journey of trying harder to be good enough. It’s about understanding how deeply Jesus loves you, even in your lowest moments, and choosing to respond to His love with a courageous step toward healing.
Unwanted Behaviors: They Are Not RandomOne of the most freeing truths Jay shared is this: our unwanted behaviors are not random.
Through his extensive clinical work and groundbreaking research, Jay discovered that the specific ways we struggle are deeply connected to our stories of origin.
Jay explained that in his role as the sex addiction therapist for the city of Seattle, he began to see patterns. Men arrested for soliciting sex were not making random choices. Their actions were connected to predictable stories of pain and trauma.
Whether you grew up in a home of neglect, where your heart longed for connection and was left empty, or in a home of rigid control, where you felt powerless and unseen, these early experiences shape the way you cope and the behaviors you pursue as an adult.
Your brain, your body, your desires are all responding to unhealed wounds.
Understanding the Root: Family Systems and the Power of PrimingJay described two primary family systems that often set the stage for future struggles:
The Disengaged Family System:
Parents were physically or emotionally absent.
Your longing for connection was never fulfilled.
When you first experienced the neurochemical bond of pornography or sex, it felt like the deepest connection you had ever known.
The Rigid, Authoritarian Family System:
Parents were hyper-controlling, using performance or religion to shape you.
You felt powerless and suffocated.
Pornography, in contrast, offered a false sense of control and power over your environment.
Both systems prime you for certain temptations. And recognizing this isn’t about blaming parents or excusing behaviors. It’s about gaining understanding.
Because understanding is what allows us to grieve. And grieving opens the door to healing. As Jay says, “You can't just try to stop an unhealthy behavior. You have to understand why you were drawn to that behavior in the first place.”
Shame Keeps You Stuck. Curiosity Sets You Free.As Christians, we know the seriousness of sin. But too often, we try to hate our way to holiness. We believe that if we punish ourselves enough, we’ll finally change.
But, the Apostle Paul tells us that it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). Not our contempt. Not our loathing. Not our self-hatred.
Jay encouraged us to replace self-contempt with curiosity.
Ask yourself:
Why am I drawn to this behavior?
What is the pain underneath my actions?
What does this reveal about my longing to be seen, known, and loved?
When we approach our story with curiosity, we give God space to reveal the roots of our pain.
The Shark of Shame: Swim Toward ItJay also shared a fascinating metaphor that I just love:
Professional shark diver Andy Casagrande was once asked what to do if a great white shark is swimming toward you. His answer? Swim toward it.
If you swim away, you act like prey. But if you move toward the shark, it confuses the predator, and it backs away.
Shame operates the same way. When we run from it, it devours us. But when we confront it — facing it head on, sharing vulnerably in trusted community, seeking counseling, and naming our wounds — we rob shame of its power.
Swim toward the shark of shame.
Face it. Name it. And watch as it loses its grip on your life.
Jesus Took Your Shame to the CrossThis is where our faith becomes not just helpful, but essential.
The world offers coping strategies, but Jesus offers complete redemption. He didn’t just take your sin to the cross; He took your shame.
Through His death and resurrection, we are invited into freedom.
If you’ve ever felt like your past disqualifies you from God’s love, let me remind you: Jesus knew your struggles when He went to the cross. He went anyway. He has already made a way for you to live in righteousness, peace, and freedom.
This is the hope of Easter. The hope of the Gospel.
From Crisis to Calling: Your Story MattersSo often, the crises of our lives — the shame, the addictions, the brokenness — are actually invitations to transformation.
Jay shared that in the absence of elders to guide us through rites of passage, our souls will create crises that force us to confront our identity and our wounds.
Rather than run from the crisis, we can see it as a holy opportunity. Your struggle is not the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter.
When you engage your story with honesty and curiosity, you step into the redemption God has for you. You become part of His story of restoration — not just for you, but for others.
Final Encouragement: There Is Hope for YouDear friend, this journey is not about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about engaging your story with curiosity, leaning into the kindness of God, and walking the path of healing, step by step.
Jesus took your sin. He took your shame. And He rose again to give you new life.
This Easter, may you embrace the truth that resurrection is possible for you, too.
You are deeply loved. You are seen. You are not alone.
Happy Easter.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - Check out Jay’s book here: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing
PPS - If you want to take the first step into freedom and healing your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call with us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“My husband and I lived parallel lives almost our entire marriage…The only thing he wanted from me in the relationship was sex. That was the last thing I wanted to give him because I was exhausted from trying to be the super mom and head of the household. This caused a rift in our relationship…After a separation in our own home we each began our own counseling…Both of our counselors questioned if a form of sex addiction might be part of the problem. I dove into trying to learn everything I could about sex addiction. I joined a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts. That program is about avoiding unhealthy sexual behaviors. I didn’t even know what healthy sexual behaviors were. After 4 years of marriage counseling and feeling stuck in a marriage that was barely hanging on, I discovered your program. I found hope for my marriage and began to see my husband in a different light” -
If you have ever felt disconnected with your spouse- particularly in the area of communication- this episode is especially for you.
Steven and his wife, Tracy, walked through more than two decades of disconnection. Twenty-five years is a long time to feel lost in your marriage. To feel like no matter what you try, you just can’t find your way back to each other.
They loved God. They were raising six children together. They wanted their marriage to thrive. But somehow, they kept missing each other. Their communication felt off, and it wasn’t just about words—it was about how every part of their life as a couple felt misaligned.
Marriage Problems After 25 Years: Feeling Stuck and DisconnectedSteven and Tracy did what many couples in their situation try to do. They sought help. They met with counselors and pastors. They heard wise advice. But for some reason, it just didn’t seem to stick in their day-to-day lives.
They felt like they were doing all the right things, yet their relationship still felt strained. The alignment they hoped for—spiritually, emotionally, practically—kept slipping through their fingers.
It’s hard to describe how wearying that becomes over time. You start to wonder if it will ever change, or if you’re destined to just live alongside each other, rather than truly enjoy the beauty of partnership that marriage is meant to be.
Signs of Hope: When One Spouse Begins to ChangeWhat began to open things up wasn’t what Steven expected.
He started to notice a softness in Tracy. A new warmth in her communication. She seemed more open, more willing to engage in conversations in a way that felt safe and inviting.
And that tenderness in her sparked something in him. He realized, deep in his heart, that he wanted to experience that same kind of shift. He didn’t want to keep circling the same frustrations. He wanted his heart to change too—not just so things would feel better, but because he longed to love her well.
There’s something so beautiful about that. Sometimes, it’s the gentle transformation in one spouse that awakens the hope in the other. And that’s exactly what happened for Steven.
How Focusing on Personal Growth Can Transform Your MarriageWhat truly began to move the needle for Steven was recognizing where his focus had been all along.
For many years, like so many of us, he had been looking at his wife’s responses, her choices, her attitude. But when he started to reflect more deeply, he realized the bigger breakthrough would come from within himself.
That shift—from focusing outward to focusing inward—was a game changer.
Instead of waiting for Tracy to change, he opened his heart to the changes God wanted to do in him. He began to see how his own patterns of thought and communication were shaping their dynamic. And as he leaned into that growth, the atmosphere of their marriage began to change.
Learning to Communicate Better in MarriageSteven described it as learning to dance. For years, he and Tracy were moving to different rhythms. Even when they had good intentions, they kept stepping on each other’s toes.
When you don’t know the steps, no matter how much you love the other person, the dance feels clumsy. Missteps are frustrating and discouraging.
But as Steven grew in understanding and grace, he began to move in rhythm with his wife. He learned how to lead with humility and gentleness. And as he did, Tracy responded. She became more willing to follow his lead—not because she was forced to, but because it felt safe and loving to do so.
Their dance transformed from awkward steps to something fluid, connected, and beautiful.
Why Humility Is Key to a Stronger MarriageWhat I find so deeply inspiring about Steven’s journey is the way he embraced humility. He didn’t cling to pride. He didn’t stay stuck in frustration, demanding that his wife change first. Instead, he knelt before God—both literally and figuratively—and opened his heart to being transformed himself.
That posture of surrender made space for God to work powerfully in his life and marriage.
And it’s a reminder for all of us: no matter how broken things feel, when we choose humility and invite God into our hearts and homes, He begins to weave a story of redemption that’s more beautiful than we could have imagined.
What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like After HealingToday, Steven and Tracy still face challenges, but what’s different now is how they handle them.
What used to take days, weeks, or even months to resolve now takes minutes—sometimes even seconds. They’ve learned to recognize when they’re drifting out of alignment and come back quickly to unity and connection.
Their marriage isn’t just surviving anymore. It’s thriving. There’s joy. There’s intimacy. There’s a deep excitement about what God is continuing to do in their relationship.
It’s a miracle of grace, truly.
There Is Hope for Your Marriage, TooFriend, if you find yourself where Steven once was—tired, discouraged, wondering if things will ever change—I want you to hear this clearly: there is a way forward.
Take courage. Let hope rise in your heart. Open yourself to the possibility that the story isn’t over—and that the next chapter could be more beautiful than you’ve imagined.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - Want to know more about the current health of your marriage? Take our free Marital Health Assessment to discover your Marital Health score and receive further insight on next steps.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
“Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me…Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us.” -
How to be a Good Sexual Man: Interview with Sam Jolman
Men, have you ever wished someone had sat you down and given you the sex talk you really needed—not the awkward, surface-level version, but a conversation that spoke to your heart, your masculinity, and how all of that relates to your sexuality and how God designed you?
That’s exactly what therapist and author Sam Jolman offers in his book The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality.
I was deeply honored to have him on the Delight Your Marriage podcast for a conversation I believe every man and every wife needs to hear.
Below are some highlights from our conversation—rich truths that stirred awe, healing, and even some tears. We hope you can listen in on the podcast and check out his newest book, available everywhere books are sold.
What Does It Mean to Be a “Good Sexual Man”?Sam shared how the term “good sexual man” often sounds like an oxymoron in our culture. If someone says a man is “very sexual,” we usually don’t take it as a compliment. But what if masculinity and sexuality are meant to be good—designed by God, filled with honor, love, and even awe?
Sam invites men to recover their God-given sexual goodness, not by ignoring the brokenness, but by acknowledging it and moving through it—through experiences of shame, silence, even possible harm into healing, wholeness, and holiness.
He said, “The issue isn't too much sexual desire—but too little heart.”
Your heart was meant to be connected to your sexuality, and it is something that many of the men he speaks with have trouble bringing into their sexuality.
Masculinity Reclaimed: More Than Behavior ManagementToo often, conversations around male sexuality in the church revolve around “behavior management”—Am I behaving or not? Am I sinning or not?
But Sam urges men to ask deeper, more hopeful questions:
What kind of lover am I?
Do I pursue my wife emotionally, not just physically?
Have I honored the wounds in my story that made me vulnerable?
Have I mistaken my brokenness as only sin, when it’s also about being wounded?This is not about making excuses—it’s about seeking healing and becoming the kind of man who loves deeply and well.
Awe, Sensuality & the Glory of a Woman’s BodyThis part of our conversation brought me to tears.
Sam quotes author Mike Mason who described his wife’s naked body as glory. And Scripture supports this—glory is what is veiled in the Bible, not hidden out of shame, but out of reverence.
What if we, as wives, were seen like that? What if our husbands truly beheld us as the masterpiece of God—with awe, wonder, tenderness, and joy? It is what every wife is truly longing for.
And what Sam beautifully points out is—this isn’t about trying to say something simply to please your wife. It’s about opening your eyes to the beauty God has already placed in front of you, for your pleasure, for your joy, and for your worship.
Jesus: The Model of the Sensual and Strong ManJesus was the manliest of men. He endured the cross, the lashing, the pain, all without complaint.
But He also wept over the death of His friend.
He was moved with compassion.
He made excellent wine for a wedding!And as Sam so beautifully brought up, he received tenderness from a woman washing His feet with tears and perfume.
Jesus was both strong and sensual. He didn’t run from beauty—He embraced it. And Sam encourages men to do the same.
Sex as Play, Not PressureOne of my favorite parts of Sam’s book is the idea of sex as play. (As you know, we LOVE playfulness at Delight Your Marriage!)
In the story of Isaac and Rebekah, Scripture uses the word “play” to describe their intimate interaction. Not “duty.” Not “obligation.” Not even “intercourse.” Just play.
How different would sex feel to wives if it was simply seen as an invitation to play? To connect? To enjoy one another—without pressure or performance?
When sex becomes play, there's less fear and more room for freedom and creativity. It becomes mutually joyful and it draws both hearts closer.
We also both acknowledged that if sex is the only area right now where you play as a couple, it may not come as naturally or even feel awkward. Make sure to build a culture of play outside of the bedroom- go on playful dates, have playful jokes throughout the day- so that you can bring it into the bedroom more naturally.
A Message to Men Carrying Sexual ShameSam shared that many men, in the privacy of his counseling office, have revealed deep sexual shame—some of it stemming from trauma, abuse, or early exposure to sexuality that felt confusing or violating.
The enemy wants men to bury those wounds in silence.
But healing comes through truth, and through Jesus, who already knows, already sees, and already loves you.
As Sam reminded us, your brokenness is not just your sin—it’s also your wounding.
And it was wounding.
If this is you, you’re not alone. And you can heal. God makes all things new.
Final Thoughts: Why Every Husband (and Wife) Should Read This BookSam’s book isn’t just another marriage resource. It’s an invitation to men to become whole, godly, good sexual beings—men who integrate their strength with their heart, their sensuality with their faith, and their desire with deep love and awe of glory.
And wives—if your husband reads this book, I believe you’ll feel more seen, more cherished, and more pursued than ever before.
We hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to take in the beauty around you, stand in awe of God, experience the sensuality and sexuality that God gave you (that was purposefully designed, not a mistake!), and experience the fullness of God in your relationship with your spouse.You can get The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality wherever books are sold. (And there’s currently a buy one, get one free on the website so go now!) samjolman.com
Sam Jolman is a lover, father, therapist, and writer, generally in that order. His newest book, The Sex Talk You Never You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, has already received rave reviews, including a review and foreword from author John Eldredge (Wild at Heart). Sam also writes regularly on Substack and offers live monthly discussions with subscribers on topics like Christian sexuality, masculinity, healing from shame, and more.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you're interested in learning more about our Masculinity Reclaimed program, please visit https://delightyourmarriage.com/programs/ or schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc
PPS - In case you missed it, we launched our social media channels last week! You can now get extra Delight Your Marriage content as you go about your week! Yeah, we're really happy about it too :) Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube, and say hello!
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The day has arrived!
Marital Success is Your Spiritual Responsibility
We are officially on social media! And we can't wait for you to see what we have for you!
Follow Us & Subscribe on:
Instagram, Facebook, & Youtube
Now, on to the podcast!If you’ve been listening to the Delight Your Marriage podcast or reading these blogs for a while, you know I don’t take marriage lightly. And if you’re a follower of Jesus, I want to lovingly remind you: your marriage is a spiritual responsibility.
This isn’t just about your personal happiness or even your kids’ well-being—though those matter deeply. No, the success of your marriage speaks volumes to everyone who knows you, especially those who know you’re a Christian.
Why Your Marriage Is Bigger Than YouThink about it: if people know you follow Jesus, but your marriage falls apart, what does that say about the relevance of Jesus in your life? About the Bible? About the power of God?
Yes, divorce is painful for the children—but it’s also painful spiritually for everyone who witnesses it. We’re supposed to be making disciples of all people, right? So when our marriage breaks down, we’re tarnishing the very witness we’re meant to live out.
I say this from personal experience. My first marriage ended in divorce, and I carry that pain and regret. It wasn’t a biblical divorce—I had to plead the blood of Jesus over it. But I’ve repented, I’ve been forgiven, and now I’ve made a decision: I will never again allow my marriage to dishonor the name of Jesus.
I want the same for you.
It’s Time to Prioritize Marriage—for the GospelIf you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your faith is already strong. You want biblical answers, not pop psychology. Thank you. If I can help you have a great marriage, your work for the Kingdom becomes that much easier.
But let’s be real. Marriage is hard. It’s easy to get selfish. It’s easy to get frustrated with your spouse being a messy, imperfect human (just like we are!). But we can’t stay in that space. We’ve got to pull ourselves out of our self-centeredness and serve.
Husbands, Scripture calls you to die for your wife. Wives, we’re called to submit to our husbands. I know—it’s not easy. Believe me, I don’t like that verse either. I’ve struggled with being a controlling wife. But control is rooted in fear. And fear means I’m not trusting God.
When both spouses choose to obey God, not based on their spouse’s actions but based on God’s call—that’s where transformation begins.
We’re not left wondering what marriage is supposed to be. God gave us His Word. It’s the most printed, most transformative book in human history. You don’t have to guess what it means to be a godly husband or wife—it’s all there.
Marriage: God’s Tool for HealingYour spouse can hurt you the most—or they can be the very instrument God uses to heal you the most. I’ve lived both. And I want to be the kind of wife who makes my husband’s meeting with Jesus even better because he was married to me.
What if that was your motivation? That your love could heal your spouse. That your encouragement could empower them into God’s purpose for their life. That your gentle presence could become their safe space in this tough world.
That’s the kind of love Jesus shows us—and the kind we’re called to give.
Love Your Spouse the Way They Receive LoveThis is one of our core teachings at DYM: love your spouse the way they receive love. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means not giving chocolate ice cream if they love vanilla. It means learning what makes them feel safe, respected, cherished.
Husbands need to feel safe, known, and cherished.
Wives need to feel respected, admired, and pursued in wholehearted sexual intimacy.(If you’d like to learn more, we break this down in our free framework at delightym.com/framework. It’s an amazing starting point to grow in loving your spouse practically and biblically.)
Growth Is the GoalFriend, you didn’t find this blog because you’re failing. You’re here because you want to grow. And that’s beautiful. That matters. Don’t give up on the hard days when it feels like no one sees your effort. God does. He sees every unseen act of love, every sacrifice, every decision to forgive.
We don’t get to skip the suffering. Jesus didn’t. Paul didn’t. In fact, suffering is often God’s tool for growth, purification, and transformation.
But you don’t have to do this alone. There’s help. There’s hope. And there is healing.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to learn more, we recommend you take our Marital Health Assessment. It is a free assessment that gives insight on your Marital Health and what we recommended as next steps based on your Marital Health score.
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"I love life and am dreaming again because God has bought healing to my marriage. It’s like all the stop buttons that were pushed because I was out of alignment with God's will in my marriage have been pushed to Go/Green again... I feel more aligned, more focused, and things are moving again." -
Hi friend,
This one’s pretty personal.
After 10 years of podcasting, coaching, and quietly building Delight Your Marriage—without social media—we’re finally stepping into a new chapter. (I’m still kind of holding my breath saying that.)
In today’s episode, I share the real behind-the-scenes story of:
Why I stayed off social all these years (and it’s deeper than just “not liking it”)
The Gideon moment that confirmed my calling to do this in secret
Publishing my book under a pseudonym—and the fears behind that decision
How God still grew DYM to a team of 10, hundreds of clients, and millions of downloads
And most importantly—why we’re trying social media now.
But! Before you go hunting down our Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube… wait just one more day.
Tomorrow (Friday), we’ll be sending you all the links (if you're on our email list -- if not go to delightyourmarriage.com) so you can follow, share, and help us get this message out to the world.
For now—would you take a moment to listen to this episode? I poured my heart into it.
With love and (slightly trembling?) excitement,
BelahP.S. I won’t be reading the comments (my team will!)—but if something resonates, share it with a friend. That’s how this whole thing started in the first place. :)
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Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths
If you’re anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God’s grace—you did.
But now you’re married. And... what gives?
Why is this thing that’s supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed... still clouded with guilt? Why does it feel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?
Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.
Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After MarriageSee, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That’s clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn’t clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.
We weren’t told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren’t told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren’t told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He’s not shocked by desire. He created it.
Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.
My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to IntimacyI didn’t grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn’t shake for many years.
And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn’t know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn’t have so many desires. I didn’t understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn't feel free to receive that truth.
But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it’s for unity. That it’s for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it’s God’s idea.
When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a GiftEven with this new desire, I still didn’t (and still don’t!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of “duty sex”. Yes, I know what that’s like. I’ve done it. I’ve gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that’s not God’s best. That’s not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage.
When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn’t “in the mood” at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It’s a spiritual gift.
Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition?One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren’t from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren’t in the Bible—they’re just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding.
I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn’t micromanage how you express love with your spouse.
God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it.
Let’s stop walking past the “sunset” He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let’s slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty.
How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace FreedomHealing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight.
And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, “Wow, thank you, God”?
Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you.
Final ThoughtsSweet sister, I’m so proud of you. You’ve already taken a step by reading this far. Don’t stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too.
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today's episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now!
PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
"My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my "wishlist" of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God's message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel "lighter" but I've seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband." -
Her Marriage Was "Dissolving", Now It's Saved & Growing: Kalee's Story
Before she began the Delighted Wife program, Kalee was in a place of deep discouragement. She and her husband, Chris, had been married for eight years, built a beautiful family together, and yet, they felt utterly lost. Their marriage was dissolving, and hopelessness had settled in.
She didn’t see a way out.
But God did.
In His divine intervention, Chris was introduced to the program through a friend who had experienced transformation in his own marriage. Chris took a step of faith, signed up for the program, and invited Kalee to do the same. What she didn’t realize was that the biggest transformation wouldn’t just be in her marriage—it would be in herself.
Finding Confidence, Finding HerselfKalee entered the program believing that her marriage was the only problem. But as she journeyed through the teachings, she came to see something deeper. She lacked confidence. She didn’t understand her worth. She had been seeking validation in others, rather than allowing God to restore her from the inside out.
Through the program, Kaylee began to see how deeply God loved her, how valuable she was, and how her identity wasn’t defined by the struggles of the past.
And as she changed, so did her marriage.
A Marriage RestoredKalee and Chris both went through the program separately, which turned out to be a gift. After years of couples’ therapy, they found that what this program allowed them to do was heal separately rather than working together.
Instead of coming at each other with blame, they were each able to focus on their own growth, healing, and the changes they personally needed to make.
The result? A marriage that was once on the brink of destruction was now filled with trust, forgiveness, and connection. The barriers of past hurts were broken down, and they began to see each other through fresh eyes.
Kalee describes it as the first time in years she didn’t feel fear lingering in her mind about the future of their marriage. She and Chris were finally on solid ground, and for the first time in a long time, they had peace.
A Ripple Effect of Joy in Her HomeBut this transformation didn’t just stay between Kalee and Chris—it overflowed into their home. Their children, especially their oldest daughter, began to experience the difference.
Their daughter, who had been cautious and unsure about marriage because of what she had witnessed in their home, was now talking about her own future as a wife and mother. In her playtime, she began to play “Mom” and “Wife”, something that Kalee had never seen before.
There is Hope for You
Where once there was tension and uncertainty, now there was joy. She saw her parents in a new light—loving, affectionate, and truly connected.Maybe you find yourself where Kalee once was. Maybe you feel hopeless, uncertain, and afraid that your marriage won’t survive. But let me encourage you—God is still in the business of restoring marriages. He still brings beauty from ashes. He still makes all things new.
If Kalee’s story resonates with you, I invite you to take a step toward healing. Don’t let fear or hopelessness hold you back. Your marriage can be transformed. Your home can be filled with peace and joy. It starts with taking that first step.
God bless you on your journey.
He is able, and He is faithful.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you're ready to take the step that Kalee made, schedule a free Clarity Call here. Not quite ready for that yet? Take our free online Marital Health Assessment to learn more about the current health of your marriage and next steps to take.
PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
"I feel so much more joyful. I have learned how to be playful and silly again…I am growing in my understanding of my value based on Christ's righteousness, not my own accomplishments. My eyes have been opened to many areas where I am Martha instead of Mary…I have so much more hope for the future…We are a more joy-filled family…there is HOPE and we are healing!” -
Getting out of your bed in the morning requires motivation. Doing your work requires motivation. Sacrificing for your spouse the way God asks us to, requires motivation. You may be motivated by external forces like your boss, achieving certain bank account numbers, or a personal feeling of accomplishment. Those aren't necessarily bad. But if you're having trouble with motivation for the things that are most important in your life: God, marriage, kids... this episode is for you. There are two encouragements Jesus gives us that can really help with your motivation to do what is most important: 1- The parable of the Three Servants (Matt 25: 14 - 28) 2- Come to me and I will give you rest -- the burden I give you is light (Matt 11: 28 - 30) The parable talks of three servants entrusted with money while the master went on a long trip. One was entrusted with 5 bags of silver, another with 2 bags of silver and the last with 1 bag of silver. When the master returned, two of the three had "worked" and "invested" which doubled their silver. But the servant with just 1 bag didn't even try. He was in self-pity, covetousness and fear. The master called him wicked and lazy. May we not fall into the trap of a - Self-pity: aka pride, because we SHOULD have a better circumstance. God SHOULD have given us better. b - Covetousness: looking at someone else's perceived lot in life and crave it c - Fear: Our perspective of God is harsh and unfair so we are paralyzed to try. Instead, let us look forward to hearing our master's praise. Let us be motivated by the anticipation of seeing God on that day say "well done!" and lavish praise on us for doing what He has asked us to do with what He has entrusted to us. If this feels like such a heavy weight right now, I want you to be encouraged by the second portion of scripture where Jesus invites us to come to Him with our burdens. And learn from Him. And gain insight on what He ACTUALLY is asking of us. Not to carry the whole world -- but to gain insight into what His burden for us to carry actually is -- which Jesus says "is light". Come to Him with your burden. Don't let the enemy tempt you with self-pity, coveting, or fear. Instead, come to Jesus and gain His strength so you can hear "Well done! Good. Faithful. Servant". In the episode, I give practical outworkings of all of this and I hope it's an episode that will give you a pep in your step and a zing of motivation to do what God is asking of you in your relationship with Him, in your relationship with your spouse and those entrusted to your care. Love and Blessings, Belah
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Do you hate making mistakes?
If you’re anything like me, you probably hold yourself to really high standards.
If you’re a Jesus follower, you’re actually called to be perfect as He is perfect.
But because you're not Jesus, you will fail.
So, what happens when you mess up?
Do you feel like a failure, try to run away, numb the pain, isolate, ignore, do some negative/sinful addiction (porn/drinking/eating...) just to stop feeling the terrible failure-feelings?
The problem is, even though we know we’re saved by His sacrifice, we often still struggle with shame and guilt for our mistakes.
But here’s the truth: understanding mistakes the right way can change how we view them, how we can grow from them and how they make us feel when they inevitably will happen.
Mistakes generally fall into three categories:
Mistake: Rebellion– When mistakes become a pattern of intentional sin consistently. This requires a lot of focus and all the advice given in #2, below. Mistake: Sin – When we go against God’s Word, we need to humbly own, repent and turn back to Him. AND from that, we get to be washed by His amazing sacrifice. There may need to be actions taken to repair the situation of others involved or you need to find healing for yourself so these sins won't happen again. But because of Jesus, the actual guilt has now been paid for by the only one who can pay for sin -- someone sinless -- Jesus. So you no longer need to take the punishment of the shame/guilty feelings anymore. Action does need to happen to rectify the situation, and let any negative feelings motivate you to put the structure, healing process, boundaries, people, community, in place to walk in freedom and righteousness. Mistake: Wisdom – These are simply errors in judgment, strategy or approach. It's essentially making a mistake in walking out wisdom. A lot of times we know better and we can't seem to get ourselves to do the wise thing every time. It's not an outright sin, as clarified Biblically. It just was kinda dumb (yeah, I know the feeling well.) Or you realized later how you made someone else feel and realized you did the wrong thing. Or maybe you didn't so something as perfectly as you expect of yourself and you feel ashamed. Even though maybe it wasn't capital S, "Sin", it can make you feel just as failure-like as if you DID something horrible. As if you ARE something horrible. The sad part is, sometimes that failure-feeling can make us want to run so bad that we metaphorically run and actually do something horrible (an real Sin: porn, addiction, rage... fill-in-the-blank SIN).But what if we didn't HAVE TO strive to achieve in perfection?
What if we didn't HAVE TO strive to meet our incredibly high (non-sin) standards OR feel like a failure? And our Sin standards don't change.
The solution? Well, my solution is this... instead of feeling like a failure, aim to be 80% on point in the Wisdom Category. That way, you’ll stay motivated and keep improving in living out wisdom without getting stuck in discouragement/feeling-like-a-failure. You'll get A LOT farther this way in every area of life than you would being "perfect" for a while then super discouraged (maybe even dropping into some Sin) and on and on the cycle goes.
And sadly... often people just get so tired and give up and accept hopelessness. Here's the plan regarding mistakes: Keep high standards on righteousness issues, try hard to meet them---lean on Jesus for His perfection and sacrifice when we Sin. Have high standards on Wisdom things, but when we make mistakes be really happy if we aren't making that mistake 80% of the time.
When you handle mistakes in the right way, they actually help you move forward instead of holding you back. I dive deeper into this in today’s episode, and I think you’ll find it really encouraging—because if you’re anything like me, you’ve made plenty of mistakes.
And the good news? God has so much hope for you, and every single mistake has value.
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Here at Delight Your Marriage, we’ve seen so many marriages transformed by God’s grace—couples who never thought they could feel close again, now thriving in ways they never imagined.
But here’s the thing… what if we could help the next generation BEFORE they get married? What if they had the tools and the wisdom now, so they don’t have to struggle the way so many of us did?
Setting the Example of a Beautiful MarriageBefore we can guide the next generation, we need to make sure our own marriages are solid. Let’s be real—kids don’t just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. If they see love, respect, and joy in our marriages, they’ll want that for themselves. But if they see stress, distance, and unhappiness, they’re going to wonder if marriage is even worth it.
So, if your marriage needs some healing, that’s the best place to start. Don’t wait. Your marriage is your greatest testimony to your kids.
The World Is Confusing—We Need to Speak Up FirstThe world is LOUD when it comes to relationships, identity, and marriage. If we’re not having these conversations with our kids early and often, they’re going to learn from someone else… and that’s usually not going to be a source of truth.
Here are a few key things we need to be talking about:
1. Helping Them Know Their Identity in ChristWe live in a world that tells kids they need to “find themselves” by looking inward. But that leads to so much confusion! They need to know—without a doubt—that God made them exactly as they are, on purpose. We have to be proactive in these conversations, helping them stand firm in their identity before the world really tries to confuse them.
2. What Marriage Is REALLY AboutMarriage isn’t just about being happy—it’s about fulfilling God’s purpose for your life together. So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and get hurt because they didn’t know what to look for in a spouse. Let’s help our kids understand the beauty and purpose of marriage before they start dating, so they can make wise choices!
3. Setting Healthy Boundaries in DatingOur kids are bombarded with messages that say, “Do whatever feels good,” but that’s not wisdom! We need to help them understand that sex is a GIFT—but it’s meant for marriage. That doesn’t just mean telling them, “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” It means giving them the tools and the why behind making those choices. When they understand the wisdom behind God’s design, it makes it so much easier to live it out.
Practical Help for Young Adults Navigating DatingOne of the hardest things for young people is knowing how to date wisely. That’s why we created our Pre-Dating Workbook and Video Course! It’s packed with a clear vision for a God-honoring life and marriage, the four stages of pursuing a spouse (and the mistakes to avoid!), practical skills for meeting and discerning a future spouse, guidance on setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries, and more.
If you have a son, daughter, niece, nephew, or someone in your life who is dating or thinking about it soon, this resource is for them! Check it out at delightyourmarriage.com/dating
Providing Joy and Wisdom in Your Own Home
The key to influencing the next generation is NOT about forcing rules on them—it’s about showing them something better. Jesus attracted people to Him because He was full of joy and truth. That’s how we need to be! If we want our kids to listen to us, we need to be a source of joy, truth, wisdom, and peace in their lives.
Equipping the Next Generation for Stronger MarriagesWe can’t sit back and hope our kids figure it out on their own. They need us to guide them, to give them resources, and to speak truth in love. If you feel a stirring in your heart, take action. Strengthen your own marriage as a testimony to them, start having open, honest conversations about love, identity, and marriage, equip them with practical tools like our Pre-Dating Workbook and Course.
Let’s raise up a generation that is confident in who they are, wise in how they date, and strong in their marriages. And most of all—let’s be praying for our kids. This is a battle, but God is greater. Thank you for being part of this. We’re in it together!
Love,
Belah & Team
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I recently had the incredible opportunity to be a guest on Gary Thomas’ podcast. If you’ve been around Delight Your Marriage for a while, you know what a dear friend Gary has been to this ministry. Not only is he a best-selling author and speaker, but he’s also been so generous in inviting us to share on his platform in the past.
And this time? I got to be part of a panel alongside two truly amazing women:
Juli Slattery—President and Co-Founder of Authentic Intimacy and author of several life-changing books, including God, Sex, & Your Marriage and Rethinking Sexuality.
Debra Fileta—Creator of the #1 faith-based relationship advice blog TrueLoveDates.com and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life and Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love (among many others).
We came together for a powerful discussion about helping wives awaken to intimate pleasure—such an essential and often overlooked topic. The wisdom and insights from these women were just incredible, and I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation.
Here were some key takeaways from our panel discussion:
The Challenge of Awakening Sexual FulfillmentFor so many women, the journey toward enjoying sex in marriage isn’t a simple switch—it’s a process. If you've spent years saying "no"—whether because of purity culture, past wounds, or just never learning that sex is a gift—it makes sense that "yes" doesn’t come easily. And you are not alone in this!
How Husbands Can Help Their Wives Awaken to PleasureMen, you’ve likely never been discipled in how to help your wife step into her own sexual enjoyment. Many husbands enter marriage assuming their wife will naturally embrace sex, but the reality is, she may feel lost, hesitant, or even afraid. This is where your role as her safe place matters deeply.
Here are some questions that Debra suggested as conversation starters on sex:
What’s something you're looking forward to in our sex life?
What’s something that makes you nervous or unsure?
What beliefs about sex do you want to hold onto, and what do you want to let go of?
Overcoming the Weight of Purity CultureMany women who "did everything right" and waited for marriage still find themselves struggling. Why? Because purity culture often framed sex as something to avoid, not as a gift to embrace.
As Juli Slattery puts it, "Just because I waited, doesn’t mean I know how to start." That’s the truth. And if this is you, grace upon grace, my friend.
Sexual wholeness isn’t about following a list of dos and don’ts. It’s about stepping into the fullness of what God has given and allowing Him to reframe any distorted views we carry.
The Power of Emotional & Spiritual ConnectionDebra Fileta says, "What you do above the sheets paves the way for what happens under the sheets." I could not agree more. Emotional and spiritual safety fuels physical intimacy. Husbands, if your wife doesn’t feel safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished, her body won’t naturally respond to you with desire. So, before you think about sex, think about:
Playfulness in everyday life (it builds intimacy!)
How you affirm and admire her body
How well she feels known and cherished by you
It’s Not About You, It’s About HerA massive shift for many husbands is realizing that sex in marriage isn’t just about "getting my needs met." If your wife doesn’t feel safe, it’s no wonder intimacy feels like a duty rather than a desire.
You have an opportunity to disciple your heart in a new way. Instead of seeing your wife as the "acceptable outlet" for your sexual needs, ask: "How can I be the safest place for her to enjoy intimacy?"
When she feels safe, she will want to engage. Not out of obligation, but because she feels free to.
How to Move Toward More Desire in MarriageWives, rather than wondering and praying, "Why am I broken?" for not wanting intimacy, instead ask, "How can I cultivate a desire for intimacy?"
Some ideas:
Non-sexual sensual touch with no pressure
Playfulness in your daily life (This is huge!)
Embracing a "turning a dial" rather than "flipping a switch" approach to intimacy
Addressing Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds
Even in strong marriages, past sexual trauma or unhealthy conditioning can affect intimacy. And let’s be real: just having a great marriage doesn’t mean sex will be effortless. For some, the body’s response to past wounds will still show up. That’s okay. It’s part of the journey.
Healing takes time, patience, and sometimes outside help. If this is part of your story, give yourself permission to process what’s needed.
The Role of Faith & Hope in Sexual FulfillmentGod is a God of hope. If your marriage has felt disconnected, there is hope. If you’ve never truly enjoyed sexual pleasure, there is hope.
Your story isn’t over. Pursue wholeness—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—and trust that intimacy can be more fulfilling than you ever imagined.
Final ThoughtsHusbands: Emotional and spiritual intimacy first, pleasure follows.
Wives: You are not broken. Your pleasure matters.
Both: Intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Keep taking steps, and trust that God is working in it all.
Friend, you are not alone. Your marriage can grow, your desire can awaken, and your intimacy can thrive. Keep leaning in, keep growing, and keep trusting that God has more for you than you even realize.
Be blessed!
Love,
Belah & Team
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At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God’s transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy’s story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption.
How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy’s MarriageAmy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core:
“When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?”
That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage.
Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and RejectionAmy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart.
Round and round they went.
Amy knew something had to change.
Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity CallThat’s when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn’t stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like.
She learned that, regardless of her husband's actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation.
Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family DynamicsHer first big shift? Gratitude.
Instead of seeing her husband’s contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart.
She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship.
So, she changed course.
Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home.
And little by little, things changed.
The Power of Forgiveness and ApologyAs Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing.
Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: “The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost.”
A Testament to God’s Restoration and RedemptionToday, Amy’s marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God!
God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy’s. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things.
Be blessed!
Love,
Belah & Team
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I have been a long time fan of Nathan Rittenhouse and his work at Thinking Out Loud Together and today, I had the incredible privilege of sitting down with Nathan Rittenhouse for our podcast!
Nathan is a speaker, apologist, and co-founder of Thinking Out Loud Together. Our conversation today was filled with rich insights about intimacy, humility, integrity, and the way marriage fits into God's grand design. I truly can’t wait for you to hear it!
There’s so much to unpack, but here are some of the biggest takeaways from our conversation:
The Bigger Purpose of Marriage: Building a Legacy That Lasts
Nathan shared how his perspective on marriage has been deeply shaped by the generations of faithful, steady relationships in his family. He reminded us that marriage isn't just about two people—it impacts generations. "What will my descendants 200 years from now say about the type of life I lived?" he asked. This long-term vision is something I would encourage every reader and listener to think about.
We often get so caught up in the day-to-day struggles of marriage, but when we zoom out, we see that every choice we make—every act of love, every moment of kindness, every decision to honor our spouse—ripples out for generations. What an incredible reason to be intentional about how we love, respect, and serve in our marriages!
Intimacy as Worship: God’s Design for Physical and Emotional ConnectionOne of the most powerful themes we explored was how intimacy—yes, physical intimacy—can actually be an act of worship.
Nathan pointed out that God designed the physical world—including our bodies—as good.
And when we engage in intimacy within God’s design, it’s not just a physical act—it’s a deeply spiritual one. It’s an opportunity to delight in God’s creation, to experience His love, and to reflect His heart. Instead of something to be endured or achieved, it becomes something to celebrate—a way to glorify the Lord.
Sexuality & Integrity: Practicing Spiritual Discipline in Private
Nathan emphasized that our true selves are revealed in private moments.
He highlighted Jesus’ words in Matthew 6, where He speaks about the Father rewarding what is done in secret. And that’s so important when it comes to things like purity, faithfulness, and battling temptations like pornography.
True integrity means being the same person in private that we present in public. Or as Nathan said, “Preach what you practice”, not just practice what you preach, but actually live with such integrity that your life naturally becomes the message.
The Power of Male Friendships: Emotional Support & Community for Men
Nathan and I also talked about something that’s so often overlooked: the power of godly male friendships.
He pointed out that a lot of men struggling in their marriages—whether it’s loneliness, unmet expectations, or just feeling stuck—often lack deep, strong friendships with other men. And part of the problem is that our culture has sexualized everything- including strong, male friendships- making it difficult for men to form those healthy, meaningful bonds.
But here’s the thing: God designed men to need other men in their lives. Just like women thrive when they have strong female friendships, men need brothers—not just surface-level friendships, but real, deep, iron-sharpening-iron relationships.
Christian Hope in Marriage: Finding Strength in God’s Design
We also discussed that unity in marriage is a byproduct of a shared focus on Christ. Unity in marriage isn’t found by fixing our eyes on each other—it’s found by fixing our eyes on Christ.
When we try to make our spouse the center of our world, things get out of balance. But when we prioritize our relationship with God, everything else—including our marriages—falls into its rightful place.
Encouragement for Those Struggling: Finding Strength in God’s LoveAnd finally, for those feeling discouraged—whether it’s low intimacy, unmet expectations, or loneliness—Nathan left us with this powerful reminder:
Our ultimate satisfaction must be in Christ.
Marriage is a gift. But it was never meant to replace our deepest need—to be fulfilled in God’s love.
If you’re struggling right now, know this: God sees you. He loves you. And He is the one who fills the deepest places of your heart.
Thank you again, Nathan, for this incredible conversation, for your joy in the Lord, and the deep, valuable insights you’ve shared with us! This conversation was truly such a gift.
And to you, dear listener and dear reader- may this conversation bless you, inspire you, and remind you of how deeply the Lord loves you.
Blessings,
Belah & Team
PS - Want to hear more from Nathan? Check out his podcast, Together Out Loud
https://toltogether.com/podcast, and the Thinking Out Loud Together website for more. https://toltogether.com/
PPS - If the idea of a family with no drama seems like a far off dream, or the thought of your private life being revealed in public brings thoughts of shame and hopelessness, we want you to know… there is hope. Give us a call: delightym.com/cc
PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways… I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible.” -
This episode is a Re-Release, formerly titled: If You Only Knew His Love
We hope it blesses you now as it blessed you then!----------------------------------------------------------------
When I look back on my life—when I see what is currently unseen—when I see Jesus face to face—when all has been revealed…I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.
God’s Care for Every Living ThingThe Bible says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." (Matthew 6:26)
Yesterday, I was at the park, watching birds flitting around, this way and that. And yet, the God of the universe cares for them. So much so, He FEEDS the birds!
If He cares so deeply for the birds, how much more does He care for you and me?
God Is Intimately Involved in Your LifeHe is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is providing far more than you may realize.
And He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through.
In both the joys and the suffering of life, God remains good. There is so much we cannot see, and yet He is in control.
Even in suffering, His purposes are higher than ours, and His plans are always good. He allows suffering for His reasons, only He can see.
Trusting God Through Pain and SufferingSuffering is hard. It hurts. Deeply. But when we trust that every good gift in our lives comes from Him, it changes how we endure the hard times.
Instead of despair, we can face suffering with peace, joy, and contentment. This shift allows us to fulfill at least part of the purpose God has for our pain.
God Cares About Your PainMake no mistake—God sees your suffering. He knows your struggles, whether they are rejection, loneliness, or unmet needs in your closest relationships.
God cares about the pain in your marriage. He cares about the lack of intimacy, warmth, or connection. He sees the ache in your soul. And He cares.
His Goodness Never FailsEven in the hardest moments, God is good. He loves you so much that He’s willing to risk you turning away from Him because He has a bigger plan for your life.
As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
We don’t have to understand His reasons. But we are called to trust His goodness.
Every Good Gift Is From GodIf God feeds the birds, how much more is He doing for us every day?
He makes each breath happen and every movement possible. Every smile from your child, every sunset you see, every heartbeat you experience—these are His gifts.
He knit you together in your mother’s womb, and He continues to sustain you every moment of every day. He is still designing, directing, and causing all these things to go well for us.
When we take the time to notice, we see His hand in everything good. Even in suffering, when something breaks, it reminds us of all the days He allowed it to thrive.
Soak in the Truth of His LoveIf we truly understood His love, if we only soaked in the truth of His love, we would trust Him more easily, even in the midst of pain.
If we only knew His love…
If we only knew His love…
If we only knew His love…
May you know the love of Christ today.
And may I know it, too.
Love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you would like help with your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call with our advisor. This call allows us to help you evaluate where you are in your marriage, and whether or not we are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule a free call: delightym.com/cc
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We are so honored to share Dasha's incredible transformation story with you today! If you’re looking for hope for your own relationship, Dasha’s journey might be just what you need to hear today.
Dasha's Marriage StoryDasha came into her second marriage with a guarded heart, carrying pain from her previous relationship. It wasn't easy; the beginning of this new chapter was rocky. She felt disconnected and had no desire for her husband. At one point, she even told him he could leave if he was unhappy.
Her Husband's TransformationBut instead of walking away, her husband chose a different path. He joined Masculinity Reclaimed, Delight Your Marriage’s program for men, designed to inspire personal growth and transformation. Through this program, he was able to learn the differences between men and women and how to fully love his wife in a way that she would receive love. He began implementing what he had learned in his marriage and Dasha began noticing the changes in their home and in their marriage.
At first, Dasha was skeptical. She had seen temporary changes before, and they’d tried other methods, like counseling. But as Dasha put it, those methods “revealed” problems—they didn’t heal them.
This time, something was different. The changes in her husband weren’t just surface-level; they were real, lasting, and kept getting better. For the first time, Dasha began to feel emotionally safe. The walls she had built around her heart started to come down. She felt connected, relaxed, and fully free to be herself with her husband.
When she realized these changes weren’t going away, Dasha decided to take her own step of faith and bravery. She joined the Delighted Wife program to do her part in their journey.
Dasha's Marriage TransformationThrough the program, Dasha found the healing she had been longing for. By embracing gratitude, forgiveness, and the biblical principles we teach, she experienced transformation—not just in her marriage but in her own heart. She connected with other women who are on the same journey as her and now has a support system that is cheering her on and encouraging her. She learned how to open up her heart, though she was afraid it might bring hurt, she found that it brought healing. Today, she describes her marriage as not just connected, but fun!
And the sweetest part? Her son gets a front-row seat to a joyful, loving, and laughter-filled home.
A Marriage (and Home) Full of FunWe are so proud of Dasha for her courage, vulnerability, and willingness to embrace the process. Her story is a beautiful reminder that no matter how your marriage starts, you can change where it’s going.
It is possible to have a marriage that’s stress-free, emotionally safe, deeply connected, and full of fun.
We’re rooting for you and cheering you on every step of the way!
With love,
Belah & Team
PS - If you are looking for this type of change in your marriage, we invite you to make a Clarity Call and learn more about the programs we have for men and women: delightym.com/cc
PPS - Here is a testimonial from (another) recent graduate of the Delighted Wife program:
“My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. There was anger, yelling, and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed or the same room... Through the program, I realized how much healing needed to take place in my own heart. I’ve learned to see my husband through God’s eyes and to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses. The forgiveness [module] helped me release past hurts, and I now truly feel loved.”
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