Эпизоды
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Shows done! Maybe we'll do a wrap up episode. Maybe? Either way we're both burned out and think the show has run its course. Should have wrapped it up at 100 I guess
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Say goodbye to that crazy old witch lady because her health is totally fricked! Luckily Heartland is available to take in Sugarfoot her mini horse! And wouldn't you know it... Lou chunks it again by falling in love with the horse despite it only being a temporary resident. Ya bLOU it!
If you love men talking about how much they love their wives and also talking to their wives who are off screen then you'll love THIS episode!
We love Heartland!
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Пропущенные эпизоды?
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We're BACK in the saddle again with another great Heartland episode! Milf Aunt and Grandpa Jack take things up a notch (no she doesn't give him road dome), Ty and Amy takes things up a notch (no she doesn't give him road dome they're teenagers for Christ's sake) and Heartland finally puts the STUD in Stud Farm because they've got a big ol horse that needs calming so he can get his nut. Also there's a man with a burn on his face!
Heartland ranch! Is this great or what? And it's all Super Bowl themed! That's right we've got a new 80 For Brady minute and of course Thank God I'm a Country Boy is back with another banger!
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YEEE HAW there's a roundup and you know what that means!?!?! Ty and Grandpa Jack are going to rustle up some cattle. But what's this?!?! The Trail Daddy is none other than Daddy himself!?!?!? OMG how will Grandpa Jack handle this? By being a little baby? CORRECT!
Also Heartland gets its best character with the introduction of the crazy old woman who gives Amy herbs to help a pregnant mare. Pregnant mare? More like pregnant merde amirite french speaking Canadians?
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It wouldn't be Heartland if there wasn't a horse in trouble. There's a new horse on the ranch and his name is YEEE HAW!
I can't believe Amy was surprised the horse responds to verbal commands. All horses for all of time respond to verbal commands Amy. Maybe whisper a little more to them horses and figure out a thing or two!
Yee haw let's play some puck
Big Sh*tty CARL joins Heartland for his one and only episode. Unless Lou is secretly pregnant later down the line but... nah?
No Daddy in this episode. What the hell?
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Bend at the break of day you sank into... a dream! Ty is still gone from Heartland Ranch and only Amy can convince him to come back! Also Lou gets it in her big dumb city head that they need a commercial to spice things up at the ranch. So what does she do? Hires a wedding photographer and then insults/undermines them the entire time resulting in an amateurish commercial that totally works!! Way to go Lou!
No Daddy in this episode. What the hell?
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Daddy done done it. And by done it we mean get addicted to pain pills and let his temper take over and THAT'S why Grandpa Jack doesn't want him around Heartland!! Well he didn't hit anyone so you can forgive WORDS. Words don't mean shit! Also that milfs nephew moves onto the farm and maybe that's the reason that Ty moves out?!?!?! OH NO!!!! Who will fall in love with Amy now?!?!?
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YEEEE HAW!!!! This episode features THREE horse stories! Amy is NOT a horse whisperer and neither was her dead mom so stop calling her that! Ty is a real sweetheart of the rodeo and definitely has a little crush on Amy. Also he LOVES a Dukati. Grandpa Jack is getting flirted with left right and centre. Lucky guy! Lou is just doing Lou stuff (like inviting Daddy to the open house). And Pegasus is finally eating again and has started mourning the loss of his owner. Phew! Thought he was going to be taking a one way trip to the glue factory!
Val gets absolutely dummied in this episode and it's so great to see. Get fricked Val you're NEVER banging Grandpa Jack! Also Stephen Amell is never coming back!
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Well you can't spell Blew It without Lew (Lou?). Way to send that horse back to its owner without making sure it's ready ya dingus! The ranch is already in financial trouble Lou we can't have you fricking things up. But she's new at it and is going to make mistakes so all is forgiven. Also Ty build Amy a jumping track so she can start training Spartan. What a nice guy. I mean... he's just doing it to get in her pants (she's 15 and he's also potentially a teen so calm down) but a kind gesture is still a kind gesture!
My god we're definitely going to have a horse jumping showdown between Amy and her rival Ashley before this season is done. Episode 12 I bet. Calling my shot now!
Grandpa Ketamine doesn't take any shit from anyone. Even from Val who wants to jump in his saddle if you catch my drift. But Val... if you want to bang Grandpa Jack so bad why are you out here spreading rumours that Heartland Ranch is garbage? That is some weird negging if you ask me. Definitely DLV (demonstrating lower value)
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COWGIRL SUMMER III IS HERE!!! YEEEEE HAW!
If you listened to the last episode you would have heard, right at the very end, that the Pure Boys are over that God shit. So over it. We were also tired of giving a platform to a hateful man like Kevin Sorbo and the folks that support him/the people he supports (this is not a political podcast). So it's time for a change. A fresh start. The first 100 episodes were great and now it's time to move on to Cowgirl Summer III: Heartland Season 01. That's right ya'll we're talking about the first season of the CBC classic Heartland. It doesn't get much cowgirlier than that. Unless we watched Reba. Damn maybe we should have watched Reba. Oh well we've already committed to Heartland so there's no going back.
Over the next 13 weeks we're all going to get to know and love folks like Amy, Lou, Grandpa Ketamine, the vet, Ty, Spartan the horse and of course... a dead mother. Cowgirl Summer Forever!!!!
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This is it! The finale of "May I Have This Dance" and maybe... Pure Boys?!?! That's right after 100 episodes we've decided to make some changes round here starting with episode 101. But don't worry about that for now. For NOW we've got to experience the majesty and splendour of a movie that's a real Step Up for the Step Up franchise!
What do you do when your loser dance crew The Mob (that's right they're back) bails on you? You put together a new crew featuring fan favorites from almost every Step Up movie and enter the reality TV competition The Vortex! Moose is loose! Camille is loose (not a euphemism)! The Robot Man is loose! The girl from the 2nd movie is loose! Gui DaSilva is loose?!?! And the rest
What a pleasure it was watching the Step Up movies. Adam was right... they're fun!
See ya'll for whatever comes next for Pure Boys
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David A.R. White you can kick rocks bud (jk we still love you. we're just going through our villain phase)
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Skip this one
Just when we thought the series couldn't Step Up anymore... its stopped Stepping Up. This movie is... dare i say it... a Step Down?!?!?!?! LESS MOOSE IS NOT GOOD MOOSE USE!!! There's more tWitch though so that's a Step Up. Miami is a nice location so I guess that's also a Step Up. The graffiti art is really creative so that's a gosh damn Step Up. I didn't know you can eat salsa so that's also a Step Up. Oh also there's people dancing on low riders and that's definitely a Step Up. I can't believe I'm saying this but... this movie might be a Step Up?! There's so much yucky yizz talk in this one
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MOOSE! The MOOSE is loose! Step Up 3D is a real Step Up for the Step Up franchise. In that it introduces the third dimension to the Step Up universe. It also might be the last good Step Up movie? Oh god I hope not but we'll see.
The story is even more irrelevant than the last movie. There's a school, sure. NYU! There's a crew, sure. Featuring tWitch! There's Channing Tateyums sister from the first movie, sure. She's in love with MOOSE! THERE'S MOOSE! But mostly what there is is a bunch of great dancing and fun creative dance sequences. and a little fella named MOOSE!
MOOSE!
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Shorty got them apple bottom jeans, boots with the jeans. She got the whole club looking at her jeans!
Step Up 2 is a real STEP UP from Step Up! We got Moose! We got a new cutie in the lead! We got Flo Rida's third best song (after "I can't believe it" and a spoiler for next week)! This movie is a delight. "May I Have This Dance" is going so well and I'm sorry these episodes aren't as funny as they usually are. We're just having fun watching movies we love and IS THAT A CRIME?!?!?!?! In Kevin Sorbo's America... maybe? It's not Christian fun so most definitely!
The clock is ticking on the "What's in the News" segment so enjoy it while you can!
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Welcome to "May" I Have This Dance!!! That's right Martin's, we're doing the first 5 Step Up movies for the month of May. YAAAAAA WAAAY!
Channing Tateyum, Alyson Stoner, others. This movie has such a stacked and racked cast (and we're not just talking about the school principal). We love dance movies and what better way to enjoy May than to watch the kings of dance movie cinema!
Channing Tateyum has to do community service at the Maryland School of the Arts and wouldn't you know it... he's a dancer too! Maybe he'll fall in love with a pretty ballerina? Maybe he'll befriend Mario? Maybe his friend Skinny will be shot and killed. That's Baltimore for ya!
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Hey Soul Surfer! Ain't that Murfer Murfer on the radio? God is a shark and God loves punishment. When Bethany Hamilton cancels her mission trip to Mexico (in order to train for the super important surfing comp coming up) God sends a tiger shark to bite her arm off to teach her a lesson. Then he has fishermen catch and kill that shark to teach IT a lesson. Then he causes a tsunami to destroy Phuket Thailand so that Bethany can have a mission to go on and learn ANOTHER lesson. That's soul surfing for ya! God's a real scamp for this one.
Kevin Sorbo, Dennis Quaid, Craig T Nelson, HUNT! What a stacked and racked cast. K Sorbs has never looked younger or handsomer or less hateful. I miss this version of him. Also this movie is Christian as frick!
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When God gets bored he decides to spice things up by telling Steve Carrell that the world is ending and he needs to build an ark. Classic God! It was all a prank bro don't even worry about it! I'm not flooding the whole world bro I'm just going to destroy your neighbourhood and most of Washington. It's just a prank. I'm going to even send polar bears and crocodiles to the ark. But don't even worry about it I'm just pranking you Noah/Steve Carrell! And the biggest prank of all was played on Ed Helms who gets a glorified cameo with potential for his character to get a straight to streaming threequel that never happened because this movie was a box office bomb. Pranked ya Ed Helms!
This movie was such a breath of fresh ass after the torment of The Passion of the Christ. What a delight to watch Steve Carrell get doinked in the dinger and grow a beard really fast. So fast! Faster than you could even believe. And you're already a believer! Hey how crazy was it that a couple weeks ago the Dalai Lama kissed a young boy on the lips and then asked him to "suck his tongue"?!?! It's almost as if organized religion's of all kinds are just shelters for pedophiles. Cool stuff world!
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More like "whipped to the tits" amirite?!?!?! The OG (original men) Adam and Steve decided that the best way to celebrate Jesus's death was by smoking a lot of the devils lettuce and then talking about The Passion of the Christ aka the whippingest movie around!
When Jesus Christ ticks off the local priests (including Caiaphas!) it's up to Judas to betray him and set this whole thing in motion. Pontius Pilate doesn't wanna kill him. King Herod just wants to get sucked and martined. Peter just wants to deny all kinds of stuff. Jesus was 32 and Mary was 45 (because she was 13 when God busted in her). Those cross monkey's whipped the Sugar Honey Ice Tea out of Jesus I tell you what!
If you're looking for a movie that's fun, family friendly and, most importantly, not made by an antisemitic director... then The Passion of the Christ isn't for you!
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What do you get when you cross Jesus Christ, Mr Frisbee, Kesley Grammer, hippies and... what's this? Jesus Christ again? Ya get a Jesus Revolution capiche
The OG, original men, mix things up a bit this week and review TWO things! What a treat for everyone <3 How many segments will there be next week?
Kelsey is an absolute beauty in this movie and also is a man with real emotions that he is NOT afraid to share with the world. Can Ryan Seacrest make the same claims? Some say he can... not! Either way Kelsey Grammer is a man feeling the weight of mortality bearing down on him. TSASE What is a boy to do? MAKE MOVIES FOR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Weird Al said it best when he said...
"As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, foolAnd I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1699We been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
I churned butter once or twice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Livin' in an Amish paradiseA local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude?
You know that's unheard ofI never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impairedThere's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can beWe been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Livin' in an Amish paradiseHitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night, scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinieWe been spending most our lives
Livin' in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Livin' in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Livin' in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Livin' in an Amish paradise"Tyler Perry or the Kendrick Brothers hit us up anytime for that sponsorship. We love you!
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