Эпизоды
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In this episode with my unique mystery guest we explore the profound themes of boundaries and human connection within an environment often clouded by misconceptions. Our two distinct paths converge intertwining personal growth, intuitive connections, and the unwavering pursuit of authenticity.
My unique guest seeks to fathom the depths of human interaction and navigates a transformative pursuit of intimate connections. Together we unravel the complexities of relationships and self discovery within the unique confines of the club. Offering invaluable insights into the intricate dynamics of human connection. Join us as we unravel these intertwined stories, each brimming with resilience, self-awareness and the quest for genuine connections admist the unconventional backdrop of a gentleman's club in New York city. This is an episode that dives deep into the multifaceted layers of human experience and the pursuit of authenticity within unexpected places. Enjoy.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit moderndakini.substack.com -
In this episode we begin with Stephanie's unexpected journey propelled by a Bali- bound quest for emergency supplements and quickly dive into her quest for self-worth led to a spiritual exploration beyond the confines of the physical body. Join us as Stephanie shares her cosmic journey, embracing the paradox of knowing well, humbly acknowledging life's uncertainties. And exploring her transformative sexual awakening. Igniting a new found connection with her feminine essence and concluding with the magic of Egypt and the shared vision of temple resurrection.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit moderndakini.substack.com -
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Ready for your monthly dose of Pureality? This one with Ivory is sure to hit the sweet spot 😉
Intro: Ladies and gentlemen, get ready; we're going to the club. Ivory and I will take you on a mesmerizing journey into the world of conscious choices and divine union. Listen closely as we share our serendipitous encounter with the legendary musician Sting at the Spearmint Rhino Las Vegas. Witness the magic that enfolds when powerful energies align, and explore the transformative power of Tantra, psychedelics and the beauty of divine masculine and feminine connections. Discover the truth behind the strip club world and the wisdom gained in making conscious choices. Get ready to be captivated by a spellbinding episode of Pureality. Where authenticity and reality come together to create pure Magic.
Ivory: People ask if I've ever considered the permanent jewelry. Do you know about that trend? It's like basically it's making a bracelet, putting a bracelet on somebody that they can't take off. So imagine having just a strong soldered jump ring instead of a clasp.
Lana: Oh, okay, yes. I know about this. I've seen it.
Ivory: My brain just doesn't, I'm like why? Like, why would I want that? Someone sell it to me. I have no idea why I would want a piece of jewelry that I never take off. Unless it's like a braided friendship bracelet when I was in middle school.
Lana: The only reason that I know about this is because I met a guy and I said, I like your bracelet. And he said, oh, thanks, I. Got this with my girlfriend. We did it as a commitment to each other. We're both wearing the same bracelet. Okay. And it doesn't come off. And I thought, okay that's cool. And it's pretty thin. If you were really losing your s**t, you could just rip it off. But, and in that sense, as a commitment to a partner or a friend? A friend, just like you said, a friendship bracelet. A friendship bracelet. I think that I'd be into it. In that sense, yeah. But I always get really bothered having stuff on me at some point. I've been wearing this ring for a few weeks, but eventually I'm going to have to take it off because I feel trapped. Yeah. I feel... I think I just have too much connection with handcuffs not a kinky thing but handcuffs as my daddy issues and he's a four time convicted felon and I don't want any connection to the idea of metal or or anything restrictive anything on the body yeah keeping you contained even if it's on one wrist yeah I don't know if that, if anyone would make that connection or if I'm just damaged.
Ivory: Even as a jewelry designer, I don't wear, I take my jewelry off, almost as soon as I get home because I just like to be free. Yeah, exactly. But I love to wear it as armor when I go out. Oh it's like protection. I haven't really ever thought of it that way. So I want to go deeper into that.
Lana: Do you want to be Ivory?
Ivory: My government name is Brittany, and my artist, alias alchemist priestess name is Ivory. And my jewelry brand is Ostara.
Lana: That might go on the thing. So you have this rubbing. Oh, it's like ASMR? Yeah, so if you move or if you set anything down. That could be ASMR. Okay, I met you as Brittany Grace. And when you say government name obviously nobody wants a government name. So I like how you stated that. And Ivory is definitely your name then. Great. Because we don't want a government name. Even though I love my name. I love my name. And I asked my mom the other day, for the third time, probably the fourth time, even though I knew I asked her again. And I said I want an explanation of where my name came from, and she said it was a hot girl that your dad and I went to school with, and we really were attracted to her, so we named you Lana, and it's Mom, thanks, and also, really?
Ivory: Could you have gone deeper. Really? Really? Yeah. Anyway, so that's my name and I love it. I'm a hot girl. Yeah, apparently. Yeah. I'm obvious. I'm embodying some hot girl from the 80s, whatever. We I'm getting going on tangents because I didn't sleep much. A homeless man woke me up because we're in New York and the homeless man was in the bedroom. No, I'm just kidding. He wasn't, but his voice was. So we're actually in a really quiet in terms of New York, we're actually in a really quiet place. Yeah. Relatively speaking. Normal noise. Average noise in New York. And it is a lovely Thursday morning. Much earlier than I would like to be awake, but here we are. And we have been having a very interesting adventure here in New York. We've been leading some classes, workshops. We had this very fun event at Secret Soho, which will no longer exist once this podcast is released, because it is a seasonal venue, popped up by the founders of Daybreaker and a few others, Epic Space. We had a great time leading this workshop, the Sacred Twerk and Tantric lap dance. Oh yes, it was a good combo. Oh, so good. And we are also working with the Rosewood Theatre and the owner of the Rosewood Theatre, Kalin, who's an epic human.
Ivory: Epic human. Just very impressive man. If we could just model the rest of them after him. Here is the epitome of man.
Lana: It's so nice to be connected to humans like that, men and women, but especially men, because sometimes as women, we get a little sad and confused wondering where these upstanding gentlemen are.
Ivory: Where are they? But then when you see one, then you see one and you're just like, wow, an example. There is evidence. So there's gotta be more. There has to be more. They do exist. It's so exciting when you see one that exists in real life and not just in figment of your imagination. So much hope. It does. It leaves us feeling more hopeful for sure.So this may make us sound Alright, I'm just gonna be blunt. I'm gonna be just raw and real because here we are. Cuz, you know what? We can only censor ourselves so much, to be honest. If you don't like it, tune out. I'm not gonna censor myself. Let's just not.
Lana: We were swiping on Tinder because it's fun. It's fun. Entertaining. And we're alone. No one's being hurt. And we're laughing. We're laughing hard. So why not do it? Anything that inspires laughter, as long as no one's getting hurt, I think is always the wise choice in life.
Ivory: And I think just as a general rule of thumb, you just don't take that app seriously. Anyway, like, why would you? At one point, perhaps Tinder was in it's prime at the beginning of it, before... Had to have been a long time ago at this point. A long time ago. But currently, Tinder is... No one takes Tinder seriously.
Ivory: Nobody takes Tinder seriously.
Lana: It seems like a few men - I haven't I really need to close my Tinder. I feel like a bad person, because men Tinder, and I won't match with them, but they'll find me on social media or somewhere and say, I saw you on Tinder. And I really like to respond, but I've given up on it. We didn't match, so no offense, but I, please don't What are you doing here? Don't reach out if we didn't match. It's a dead end road, but I love your enthusiasm. It's great. But I have a Tinder. I have a Tinder account active right now. And I do get a lot of messages and that is a little bit frustrating. Actually, it's a good conversation. I'd love to discuss this with men as well. Just what is it that makes you want to reach out even though we didn't match? Isn't that setting yourself up for, yeah.
Ivory: What is it that makes you want to cat call on the streets? When does that ever work? Has it ever worked?
Lana: That is really interesting. That's a great conversation. Has it ever worked?
Ivory: Has it ever worked? And then also in the same vein, what is it that makes you want to send an unsolicited dick pic? I did not ask you for that. Why are you sending it to me?
Lana: Yeah, I guess they get off on it. So that could be one possible answer for that question. Yeah totally, clearly. But the cat call is very interesting to me.
Ivory: It's a similar thing. It's like a digital catcall is what they're doing. Digital catcall.
Lana: Yeah A whole other level though, because it's literally your dick. But, yeah, that's always been perplexing to me, but I respond very well, actually. I'm, I remember one circumstance in, It was in Costa Rica. Obviously, it's Costa Rica. This is an important thing to note because in a lot of latin countries, you're getting a lot of those catcalls. That's very... On the street, that's common right anywhere in South America and Mexico yeah, there's an increased…
Ivory: Also, like I lived in Harlem for five years. It was very common there. There we go
Lana: So there are certain cultures and environments where you're going to get more cat calls. I was in Costa Rica with two girlfriends, one of them grew up in LA, the other one grew up in London and we were all wearing skimpy bikinis, we were going to the beach, we're in Costa Rica, it's hot as f**k, you're barely ever wearing clothes there. And there were a large group of men, Ticos, Costa Rican men, who were catcalling and we were rather close to them. I have flashed a smile and gave them like a little acknowledgement and I was like why not my girlfriends are like, Oh, I hate this. It's so annoying. And they were just perplexed that I had condoned their behavior basically, but I'm It's like feeding a seagull. Don't you dare drop a crumb or there's going to be a swarm of them. Wow. That was maybe one of the top analogies I've ever heard in my life, hands down. Oh my god. Wow. There's that aspect of it. There's feeding the seagulls. And then there's also Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging that we are attractive women and that you're excited about us. Like, why wouldn't I acknowledge that? Yeah, I know. Thank you for being excited. Totally. I was basically saying, thank you for being excited about us.
Ivory: Because who doesn't love a compliment? Can we all just be honest? I love compliments. Some people really don't like attention. I don't fall into that category.
Lana: No, I f*****g love attention. I love attention. I wanna be seen. Yeah, I wanna absolutely wanna be on a pedestal. I wanna be on a stage. Yes. I wanna be stared at. I want people to tell me how much, how cute I am and how much they love my outfit. All the time. Or my shoes, or my hair, or anything. Can't get enough. I love every compliment. Even though I don't understand the catcall, I'm still nice to them about it. I'll even give them a wave. And just give them a little positive energy, I think it's okay to feed the seagulls. Yeah. Because why not be followed around by a flock of birds? I love it. Exactly. I love it. Why not? But maybe that's what's wrong with
Lana: f**k that. Humans need to be seen. That's the thing. Humans need to be seen and we deny it and that's what turns into the distortion and then we feel isolated and then we feel objectified. We are perceiving everything from our own lens and we're deciding what it is, what it means, how we feel about it.
Ivory: Absolutely.
Lana: If you decide that everyone giving you attention is a form of love and adoration and it's good for you and it's nourishing, then f**k it, it is. Then long live the catcall.
Ivory: I'm serious. I just feel like we live in this world where things are like, So backwards sometimes where it could be worse, right? Most places are so backwards, like things are so backwards. Like it could be so much worse than a cat call. You know what I mean there's the, okay, men are objectifying women, or women, okay, I could talk about that for a long time. Women are also in some cases, objectifying men are, we're objectifying, and that's where people get bothered by the cat calls, right. Yeah, but I feel like women are beautiful and to acknowledge beauty is not objectification to me, women are going to get objectified either way, so you might as well capitalize on it, which is what we've mastered at this point. That's what I always say when people in the club, they'll be like, Oh, you're so beautiful. I'm sorry. Or saying I'm so beautiful or touching me or whatever. I'm like, I don't want to objectify you. The nice guys. Yeah, I don't want to objectify you or let me know if I'm going too far and it's no you're here. You're in this space… to please bring your positive energy with your respect. We absolutely want that and we're gonna get objectified either way. At least I'm making money on it, right?At least I'm having it serve me. This is the world we live in.
Lana: Even the objectification piece I don't really ever feel objectified? I never feel objectified. I've never felt objectified because, I don't know, I’m just comfortable with the adoration. I can receive adoration easily. And the feminine form is a work of art. It is a beautiful statue that you're observing. Yes. Which is an object. Yeah, which is an object. And I think the objectification also, there's something underneath that and it is It's male or female, either way. Someone looking at something and they're not grounded in themselves and they don't feel present with themselves and they don't have, maybe they have no spiritual connection. Maybe they're just they're objectifying because
Ivory: they're soulless. Is it some level of ownership? Is objectification some level of your beauty is something I want for me and my ego. Or still, I guess even in its essence, like if you're getting energy or entertained by a woman who's beautiful in some way, it's helping your ego. It's…
Lana: but I'm wondering, I was attempting to articulate this and it's I don't even see what the definition of objectification is. I like this. I like this. We're unfortunately not Joe Rogan yet. We don't have the guy to ask to look things up while we're speaking, but we're going to do it ourselves on the phone. And I also want to state that we didn't fully introduce
Ivory: What's my name? We didn't fully introduce Ivory here. So my official name is Brittany Grace. I never really resonated with Brittany. Ivory was born and then through, through work and... which is? Which is as a dancer. Gosh, even my name of how I got to Ivory as a dancer is a story. I've been dancing for seven years, primarily at Spearmint Rhino in Las Vegas. And Ivory, the name Ivory was born there originally. because as a jewelry designer, that's also another part of me. I'm a jewelry artist. I have a jewelry brand called Ostara. And so I had another dancer name first and it just was not working. So I chose another one. And as I was thinking about it, I was like, I want something that's powerful but delicate and also maybe a crystal or something that holds that kind of energy. And I was like I'm not going to be amethyst or something basic like that. And working at Rhino, I thought of ivory because of the Rhino tusks…
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impromptu recording post sunbathing capture ↑
Transcription:
Welcome curious minds, to PUREALITY. This is the empowering podcast created for women in the adult industry facing societal pressures and striving for a healthy holistic lifestyle. Join us as we delve into the real life stories, provide practical advice and share valuable insights. To support you in navigating your journey confidently and authentically, whether you're embracing your own uniqueness, enhancing self-love or seeking holistic wellness. This podcast is you're a go-to destination for empowerment and self discovery. Join a supportive community of women. As we uplift each other and inspire one another to thrive, stay true to ourselves and embrace our power in the adult entertainment world. Let's break barriers and embrace a life of wellness, purpose, and collectively rise into a new reality. A Pureality.
I'm your host, Lana Shay. And today we've got a conversation with Jacqueline Michelle. We're about to explore the usual topics that might make you blush. But we're all about keeping it real here. So stick around because in this conversation we're diving into some intriguing territory that share to pique your curiosity. But before we jump into it, a quick reminder to subscribe to The Pure Way Substack newsletter for unfiltered stories, health hacks, and exploration of all that is taboo. And don't forget to leave your thoughts. Comments, reviews. We want to hear everything you're thinking. And also what you'd like to explore in future episodes. So without further ado, let's get into the conversation. Here it is:
Lana: We're just having a conversation.
Jaqueline: All natural, organic.
Lana: All natural, organic, being on the bed… that has a little bit of blood on it.
Jaqueline: I like blood.
Lana: And I'm glad you're comfortable with it.
Jaqueline: Of course! I made a painting with my period blood. I used to paint and I had my moon cup at the time. And later on I'll show you a picture, but I did the cycles. It had the ovulation, like the white for the ovulation, and it had like really dark red for the ending, and then light pink for the beginning. And then deep like where it was red, it was like heavy clots. And then when it was the process of drying, I poured my blood over it The way that it dried crackled and it looked like snake skin, which I thought was like a really beautiful, like Adam and eve snake, dark feminine type of texture.
Lana: Oh, I love that. It was, we are comfortable with blood here. We paint with it.
Jaqueline: We paint with it and cast spells with it, which happens monthly.
Lana: It's really great. I love that dialogue around being comfortable with bleeding and moon, blood. And I like this idea of kicking it off here because it was not something that was my reality when I was younger. I think that most of us grow up like that. Maybe we're shifting now; the times are shifting… But I think most young girls grow up with this idea of, “Oh my God, period. It's so disgusting. It's terrible. I have to hide it.” When did that shift for you?
Jaqueline: It shifted for me when I started doing Tantra. I got into Tantra because I was healing from sexual trauma and I was super disconnected from my yoni; which is vagina, vulva, the whole reproductive system, and it was just like the first introduction of women talking about doing womb massages or having a conversation with that part of my body. And before, I would have cramps so bad that I would vomit. It was just like really intense. It was monthly. But even before that, I remember when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait. I was so excited for womanhood. I couldn't wait to have breasts or to have my first period. I was ecstatic. And I remember when I first started my period, for some reason I kept it a secret for three days. I was bleeding a lot and I was like, maybe it'll go away. Finally on the third day, I told my mom and I was so excited. I started really at fifth grade, and I remember when I told my mom and I was so excited to get the talk, the birds and the bees talk, like I was so excited to learn about it because I've always known about sexuality. I was always really in touch with my body and I remember my mom getting frustrated and she was like what do you want me to tell you when you put a penis in a vagina, and you get pregnant?
And that was that. And I remember I was so excited to start my period and to be a woman. I've always liked it, I've never hated it. I legitimately love bleeding. I love being on my period. I feel so light. It's weird. I eat the least amount of food when I'm bleeding. I feel the freshest and I have the most energy.
But I'm really grateful that I have that. But yeah massaging my womb, actually sitting down with it and thinking of it as my body's intuition and wisdom to clean itself and cycle itself through. I was like, oh, this is actually f*****g beautiful.
Lana: You said that you had excruciating cramps. I went through that too. When did that shift and how did it shift? And you don't have cramps at all anymore?
Jaqueline: I have zero cramps. I have zero PMS, I have zero bloating. I have the easiest periods in the entire universe. It started to shift, when I started to sit with my blood and with my yoni; like I would do the womb massage. I would massage my ovaries, my uterus, I would massage my vulva and sit on fur; I don't do this anymore, I have a black towel, like a shower towel. And I still use that particular one whenever I bleed, but I would sit on it and free bleed and then just meditate until I just got like intentional and like witchy or ancient with it for, a little while. And that really shifted everything.
Lana: Wow. That's amazing. I have done a little bit of that. Definitely the free bleeding and the massage. But my cramps have not fully shifted. Like I had a period where I wasn't cramping at all and it was great, but they've come back, but nowhere near as excruciating as they used to be. I think what happened with me is I had an abortion, a surgical abortion when I was in my early twenties and it was not a great procedure.
I don't think they did a great job. And then following that, I was having all of this, emotional stuff come up that I wasn't processing and wasn't looking at, that was being held in my womb. Plus, the actual scars of the surgery. And then I was told that I needed a DNC, which is basically where they scrape it out and they clean out the debris afterward; and I didn't do that. And then went to become a Kambo practitioner and went through the training and my teacher said, I can't have you complete this training. I can't certify you because when I serve you Kambo, you're laying on the floor screaming in excruciating pain because you're having these cramps. I would have cramps when I received Kambo. And I basically was reliving the abortion and I found that was happening every month. And that was the connection point for me. And trying to shift it. I was getting Mayan abdominal massage. I feel like you probably know about this? And they were moving my uterus because they found that it was totally shoved up into the right side from the surgery, so it wasn't aligned. And then also I had scars and debris and the thought process around that was that the Kambo was removing that debris and cleaning me out. Because that's what Kambo does. It's a cleanse, right? So I went through this whole crazy process and after six Kambo sessions and all these doctors and ultrasound and the Mayan abdominal massage, so much s**t, learning about free bleeding and all this, the cramps went away for about a year after 10 years of excruciating pain. But then they started coming back. I had a miscarriage. And I think that brought some of the awareness and maybe some of the trauma back. There's still more work to do. So I find it really inspiring and compelling that you were able to shift it. Yeah. On your own with your practices, that's huge.
Jaqueline: Yeah. I'm really grateful that I was able to do that. And I'm sure like, I feel like our bodies are constantly talking to us and I'm sure that loss and like the death that your womb has felt like there's still like this constriction and this stickiness.
Lana: Yeah, absolutely. When you were dancing as an exotic dancer, were you doing those practices? Were you free bleeding? Were you…
Jaqueline: 110 million! Yeah. I love my story of getting into dancing because my mom, she was a single mother, she worked at a Lebanese called a Lebanese bar called AL-Amir. And sometimes she wouldn't have a babysitter and so I would sit in the corner of a bar until she was off work, and it was really fun. It was, it wasn't fun, but it was just cool. I got to be with my mom. But the belly dancers there! Sometimes she would take me up into their dressing room and I got to sit there and I was like, maybe four or five years old, and I would see, these women in this dressing room with like their gowns and they're doing their makeup and they're getting ready. And then they'd go downstairs and they'd do this big performance and this center of the bar. And like people would circle around them. And it was my first introduction to a woman using her sensuality and her dance and her movement to captivate an entire rumor to add to the experience. And I was like, I wanna do that.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to do sensual and erotic dancing. I think that's how the seed got planted and then, going through like sexual abuse and then interweaving like my worth into my sexuality and things like that. When I turned 18, I remember I got hired, which isn't difficult really. And I remember the manager looking at me and he goes, “Are you sure you wanna do this?” You look like a really nice girl. And I was like, WOW! Yea I wanna do this. And then the universe intervened, something hardcore happened in my life and I ended up not ever going back in. But it was always this desire of mine. And when I was reconnecting to my body, my transition, my spiritual awakening, if you will, before I got into like Tantra and whatnot, I was very depressed. I was gonna study criminal psychology. I got into yoga, found Tantra, and through reconnecting to my body, I found sensual movement. I spent an embarrassing amount of hours literally dancing in my room. Like it was just like my medicine. I got really good at feeling and looking and dancing beautifully, and feeling magnetic and powerful just for myself.
And I remember there would be times where I would like fantasize, like having a group of men surrounding me, worshiping me. And so I was like, it was a fantasy I had in my mind for years that was consistently playing out. And with that I was self pleasuring. I was working with yoni eggs and I was massaging my breasts and I was doing all of these like tantric self-pleasure rituals.
Lana: And how old were you?
Jaqueline: I started at 19, like the self-pleasure rituals. I didn't dance until 2020, so I think maybe I was 23 the first time I danced. But again, I had this constant desire and I was building my business in embodiment coaching and I still had this: I want to go do this. And at that point in my life, I felt like I had such a strong head on my shoulders. Like I felt like empowered in my sensuality. I felt good at setting boundaries. I felt like I wasn't doing it from this place of emptiness, but from a place of: I have a deep desire to see myself in this way. And so I remember I sat in my room for a solid three months and journaled: what are my intentions going into the strip club?
What do I think of high priestessship and sex priestesses? What do I think of other women when they do this? What are my fears? What is the shame that I know I'm going to receive from doing this? And I really sat down with all of it to because I feel like it's a big decision in the sense of it's a lot of vulnerability.
It's a very intimate career or job to get yourself into. And I remember one of the three main things that came up around shame was: people are gonna view me differently. The other one was, how am I gonna feel dancing for somebody I'm not attracted to? And the other ones just escaped my mind.
But I remember thinking when I know another woman does sex work, I don't think anything. I don't think anything less of her. So why am I thinking anything less of myself? And then when it came to dancing for men that I wasn't attracted to, I remember writing: everybody's beautiful in the eyes of God.
And if I just went in with that; like everybody deserves affection and attention and love and intimacy. And I felt like at the root, that's why these men were going into these places. That's the root of why a lot of us are doing a lot of things. We want attention, we want affection, we want intimacy. And I know that there's so much healing in sexuality.
There's so much healing in sensuality. And so I went in with that intention. I'm going into the club to heal and to express myself as an exhibitionist or a sexual woman or whatever it is that you wanna do. And the first chunk of it, I had a great time, but then once the newbie stripper aura kind of wears off and people are like, oh, I've seen you a million times.
The full transcription is too long for a single post on Substack. If you’re deeply yearning to read the rest (as opposed to listening); email me: [email protected] and I’ll send it your way!
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lanashay.substack.com/subscribe
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit moderndakini.substack.com
