Эпизоды
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When you watch a movie, the agreement you enter into through participation with the medium itself is that you shan't be required to read. Yet eagle-eyed cinema-goers will notice that some filmmakers still insist on putting a bunch of wordiplex junkery at the start of their colourful picture shows, apparently to commend those who did all the work and that to make the movie run. They're called "opening credits", doncha know, and these are the best ones!
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Remember when you were sick from school and your grandpa who you didn’t like that much and looked an awful lot like TV’s Colombo came by to read you a story about a fantasy world where no one has the same accent and eels can shriek and extra fingers are somehow a disadvantage and originally he kinda took it easy on all the horny stuff in the story but leaned reeeal into it by the end because at that point you were both super into it, so much so that you asked if he could come back the next day to read you the same exact story?! Well, turns out they made a movie about that self-same relatable thing that every one of us went through as children, and it’s not called The Princess Diaries. It's the other one, actually. So... enjoy the Pals talking about that!
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Пропущенные эпизоды?
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So how do you truly define an "ick"?
Is it simply something that makes one sick?
Behaving quite twattish or acting a dick?
Something involuntary a tic?
The Pals aren't sure either, so they've made a quick
Installment that deals with actors that prick
Their hairs up on end, or make their sight thick
With visions of red due to anger, so stick
Around for this ep (especially if you're name's Rick!)
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A harrowing war film about a U.S. Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal team in Iraq led by a loose cannon!
A WWE wrestler whose whole shtick is a little too confusing and niche to get picked up by the mainstream!
A band that plays math-rock mixed with noise punk whose members don't grasp the nuances of mixing or songcraft!
A location that a kid who gets bullied too much at a stereotypical American High School in the '80s spends a lot of his time!
Question: what do these things all have in common? Everybody knows they're all called The Hurt Locker!
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What is it we go to the movies for? Do we seek some recognition of ourselves, reflected through the dark, prismatic mirror of cinema? Is it in the hope of seeing our deepest desires performed by dramaturgical manifestations of our collective id, watching behaviour we long to embody but couldn't possibly imagine enacting in the waking world? Or is it to watch as things go ka-blammo and ka-boosh, to see big fireballs and f$&%-off explosions and stupid-sized guns going kuhn-kuhn-kuhn-kuhn and then a car goes, like, vrooom-VROOOOOOM and sh!t like that? Valid imponderables, each one. Anyway, here's a loosie of the Pals talking about action scenes that they like.
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Where are you most likely to find the world's most-famous form of Diesel?
Better yet, what's an accurate description for a speeding motorist?
Or, if you're feeling cheeky, what's the best way of describing the means by which each of the Pals lost his virginity?
If you answer is, "In a car", you're correct.
But "Fast & Furious" also works.
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Tom was right, Tom was right! Na na ni na na! 😛
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This week, what is it that the (dead)Pals have (wolver)seen that they’re dying to deliberate? Still not sure? We’ll give you a clue: it’s this year’s most anticipated new entry in a flagship cinematic series! Now would you care to take a gue-? No, it’s not Inside Out 2, try again… Nope, not Dune 2 either, although we get how you might have- Ok, no, not Furiosa, and upon reflection maybe the set-up for this was a little too open-ended. No, goddammit, it’s not Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. Think big, like a BIG and widely beloved… (sigh) No, not Despicable Me 4, Kung-Fu Panda 4, Bad Boys: Ride or Die, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, Alien: Romulus or The Garfield Movie, you insipid poltroons! It’s Deadpool, alright?! It’s the new Deadpool! Wolverine’s here too, ok?! Ok… Jesus.
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For the first ever Favourite Starring Role edition of Short n’ Sweet, the Pals deliberated long and hard about which actor to pick, which famed thespian they would trawl the filmography of in search for their best, most iconic part. What acclaimed performer has the consistency, the nuance, the restraint, nay, the well-established and totally unshakeable sanity to be worthy of such a choice? These questions were hard and boring, so we chose Nicolas Cage.
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Are the Pals off their face, or are they ON their face? You be the judge!
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Welcome to the Overrated Animated Short n’ Sweet,
Do we love or do we hate it? Guess you’re gonna sorta see!
Or actually, you’ll listen up, ‘cos podcasting’s an audio
Endeavour and it’s better if you focus, as you oughta know
Are they takin’ shots at Disney, rippin’ into anime?
Maybe they’re too busy just to let each other have a say
Regardless – and remember that they’re known to riff and rowel –
Get ready for this Short n’ Sweet of Throw in the Pal!
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In this edition of Short n' Sweet, Marcus has a Chris-py take: Hemsworth and Pine are basically the same guy. All I know is my girlfriend Pines after one, and is Thor after seeing another. Join us for this bite sized battle of the Chrises
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Hey, what happens when the internal gets all external? Would it be just like that feeling when things are all a-jumble? Maybe even the same as when something typically housebound find its way unleashed upon the big wide world? Or, perhaps most common of all, it’s just like when you have a friend named Otto – who prefers the moniker ‘Out’ – who is the second person to sigh in explaining to you that the direction you’re looking for is one located within an inner sanctum, producing this very normal series of words:
“In,” sighed Out, too.
Well, f$%ckle-dee-dee, have we got an ep for you! Straight from the list of highest grossing films of all times, it’s time for Inside Palt 2!!!
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Welcome to the first ever episode of Throw in the Pal - Short n Sweet! It's a comfy, bite-sized chunk stuffed with all the gooey goodness a regular ep might have, just at a fraction of the length. This week: Steven Spielberg's on the hook, as the Pals select their favourite Spiel-works and try to catch each other's, if they can. Jaw not gonna want to miss this E.T. (even tinier) episode!
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This is Iron Man
Has Frank lost his mind?
Pulling high scores out of his behind!
Marcus will give his all
Cos this film didn't really make him go, "Whoa!"
Is Tom alive or dead?
Will he shut the f#%k up for once so we can listen to a single thing that someone else has said?!
We'll just leave it there
But listen if to the ep if you think you'd care
[Instrumental Break]
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Everyone’s always asking, “What’s eating Gilbert’s grapes?” It’s never, “*How* are Gilbert’s grapes?” Well, the pals are gonna find out!
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What do you get if you make someone madder than hell?
What is the Italian translation of Fast and the Furious?
What would be a surprisingly tasteful name for a furry convention?
The answer to all three, of course, is Furiosa!
Come get gassed up with some high-octane diesel as the Pals steer this V8 ep into a hydraulically-hectic ignition of epic Pal-portions.
CARS!
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You've surely heard of Spectacular Steve, caught wind of Wondrous Warwick, made note of Not-Bad Norbit, felt the rumblings of Rah-Rah Reginald... which is great, cos those guys are all swell!
Anyway, listen to this week's episode of Throw in the Pal, which is about a movie called Magic Mike.
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INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE
Q: I'm here today for Primetime Pals, interviewing our latest guest: an honest-to-God vampire!
V: The world is a murky tomb and I am its deathless curator.
Q: Uh-huh, sounds great! So, what's it like being a prince of darkness, a scourge upon the lifeblood of us mortals, an exsanguinator par excellence?
V: Oh, y'know, it's pretty drab.
Q: I'm sure that's not true! Why, sitting before me right now is one resplendent fellow, dressed to the nines, your mane of hair set perfectly, with the porcelain pallidness of a marble statue.
V: [sigh] I'm terribly sad.
Q: ...ok. Well, why don't you give us some insight into the enthralling, devious behaviour your bloodlust has drawn out of you?
V: I mean, what's the point of it all, really?
Q: Jesus Christ, mate, you're a f%&king bummer, aye?
V: I just miss Lestat so much.
Q: Who's Lestat, another albino sad boy?
V: He was a deranged, pansexual madman who wrought bloody havoc every which way he went.
Q: WHERE'S THAT GUY?! He sounds like tons of fun!
V: I set him on fire and fed him to an alligator.
Q: Ok, now that's interesting! Tell me more.
V: It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I'll never forgive myself.
Q: Gah, you're insuffera-Pal!
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The Godfather, which art so splendid,
Brando be thy name;
thy meatballs yum;
thy hothead Sonny
in dirt cause he was too reckless.
Give us this day a masculine child.
And forgive us our Clemenzas,
as we forgive those who use horse heads against us.
And leave the gun but not the cannoli,
and deliver us some pizza.
For thine is the business,
the Italian and American story,
bada bing, bada boom. Pal-men.
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