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"How much can there really be to learn about storytelling?" I thought when I started on this mini-series. It turns out that there's actually quite a lot to learn, and that family storytelling can be a particularly useful tool for parents. We're all trying to figure out how to transmit our values to our children, and storytelling can be quite an effective way of doing this. Further, storytelling can be a really valuable way to support children in overcoming traumatic experiences - and even to repair relationships after difficult moments like yelling. In this episode we dig into the research on the benefits of family storytelling and look at how to do it effectively. Questions this episode will answerWhat exactly is family storytelling and how is it different from just reading books to my kids?We often feel safest when we read books to our kids. It seems like a ‘script’ that saves us from having to fully understand the situation and come up with our own words to describe it. Family storytelling involves sharing narratives about your own family experiences, values, and history. It creates a powerful connection between generations as you transmit important values. It can help children make sense of their place in your family relationships. The episode explores fascinating research about how these personal narratives shape children's identity in ways that storybooks can't match! How can family storytelling help during difficult times or after traumatic experiences?When difficult emotions arise in our family, it can be tempting to pretend the situation didn’t happen. We hope our kids will just forget about difficult experiences. Instead, children may worry more when they 'can't talk about what happened. Family storytelling is a valuable tool for helping children overcome traumatic experiences. It helps them to make sense of what happened, and repair their family relationships. This can help children build resilience. Do all families tell stories the same way, or are there cultural differences?There are fascinating cultural differences in how families engage in storytelling! American families often position children as primary narrators (like asking about their day at dinner). Israeli families tend to create more equal narrative participation between adults and children. The episode explores how these cultural storytelling styles impact child development differently. We offer insights into adapting techniques that might work best for your family. How do family stories change as children grow older?Parents tend to share different types of stories as children mature. Parents of younger children tend to tell stories with stronger themes of affiliation and connection. Stories shared with older children often shift toward themes of achievement and striving for success. The podcast unpacks the developmental reasons for this progression. We offer ideas on ways to balance different types of stories. How does the way the story is told affect children?The atmosphere during family storytelling matters a lot. Researchers have studied the factors that create a positive storytelling environment. These include:CourtesyRespectAgreement on story details
The episode reveals surprising connections between these communication patterns and children's emotional development. We offer practical guidance for creating storytelling moments that strengthen family bonds. What happens when family stories evolve into "legacies" over generations?Stories can combine over time and generations. Then they become family legacies that shape how family members view themselves and their place in the world. The podcast explores the profound impact these narratives have on children's identity formation and family relationships. We share strategies for creating meaningful family legacies even if you haven't established these yet. How can I start family storytelling if it wasn't part of my own childhood experience?This might be one of the most valuable parts of the episode for many listeners! The episode provides practical, research-backed strategies to create meaningful family narratives. Even if you didn't grow up with family storytelling traditions. You'll learn specific prompts, timing suggestions, and approaches that feel natural rather than forced. What you'll learn in this episodeHow family storytelling creates stronger emotional bonds between parents and children. Stories can incorporate difficult emotions that we want children to learn how to navigate effectively. They help you build deeper connections that last a lifetime!Why storytelling is a powerful parenting tool for transmitting your family values. It creates meaningful legacies that shape your child's identityThe fascinating differences in stories between families from different cultures, and how these impact child developmentHow 'family formation stories' can boost your child's self-esteem and sense of belongingThe research-backed benefits of using storytelling to help children overcome traumatic experiences. Stories help to repair family relationships after difficult life events.Practical ways to incorporate regular family storytelling into your daily routines. You can do it even if you don't consider yourself a "natural storyteller"!How family stories evolve over time. Parents can share stories about closeness with younger children. These can shift to achievement-themed narratives as children grow olderHow respectful family communication during storytelling creates positive outcomes for children
If you see that your relationship with your child isn’t where you want it to be because you:Speak to them in a tone or using words that you would never let other people use with your child…Are rougher with their bodies than you know you should be when you feel frustrated…Feel guilt and/or shame about how they’re experiencing your words and actions, even though your intentions are never to hurt them…
Click the banner to sign up! Other episodes mentioned in this show027: Is a Reggio Emilia-inspired preschool right for my child?041: Siblings: Why do they fight, and what can we do about it?029: Why we shouldn’t ban war play
Jump to highlights00:37 Introduction of today’s topic01:44 Walter Fisher is a professor emeritus at the University of Southern California who theorized that narration can be divided into two types – “recounting” or “accounting for.”02:41 Elizabeth Stone, is an author of the book that’s famous for storytelling called Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins, says the functions of family stories are firstly to persuade family members they are special, secondly to teach about the ways of the world and the family’s methods of coping with troubles and successes, and thirdly helping a person to know his or her own identity03:35 Six qualities used to define family strength are: a commitment to the family and well-being of each family member, positive communication and an ability to resolve conflict constructively, regular expressions of affection among family members, a tendency to enjoy quality time together, a sense of spiritual wellbeing and an ability to effectively manage stress and unexpected crises05:11 Mothers tell stories with stronger themes of affiliation than fathers, and affiliation themes are also more common with younger children than with preschoolers05:47 American family stories often celebratory in nature, without an evident theme of hardship and trial that were present in both recently immigrated and fully assimilated Mexican American family according to Dr. Carma Bylund of the University of Iowa11:58 Black children in Trackton had an inferior linguistic skillset to those of White children, but rather that their skillset is "different" and does not align well with the skillset that is valued in schools15:22 Family stories can do is to help children to resolve strong feelings about something traumatic that happened in the family.17:00 Storytelling can shift stressors from being things that just one family member experiences to a relational-level activity18:24 Vygotsky believed that there is no such thing as a piece of knowledge that sits off by itself and we can grab hold and learn, and that instead learning is a thing that is constructed between two people19:49 According to Professor Judy Koenig Kellas of the University of Nebraska that when stories are combined over time and generations, they become family legacies25:45 Wrapping up the discussion ReferencesBylund, C.L. (2003). Ethnic diversity and family stories. Journal of Family Communication 3(4), 215-236.DeFrain, J., & Stinnett, N. (2003). Family strengths. In J.J. Ponzetti (Ed.), International encyclopedia of marriage and family (2nd Ed., pp.637-642). New York, NY: Macmillan Reference Group.Fiese, B.H., Hooker, K.A., Kotary, L., Schwagler, J., & Rimmer, M. (1995). Family stories in... -
We’re a couple of weeks into the new school year by now and I hope that for most of you the morning drop-offs have gotten a bit easier than they were in the beginning.But some of you may still be struggling with a child who doesn’t want to go to school, who resists you leaving at drop-0ff time, and who might be suddenly suffering from stomachaches and headaches (particularly on Sunday nights or weekday mornings) that had not previously been a problem.Today’s interview with Dr. Jonathan Dalton, director of the Center for Anxiety and Behavioral Change in Rockville, MD is going to help us understand whether our child is having a ‘normal’ amount of difficulty transitioning to school or if they are struggling enough that they might need extra help – and if so, what to do about it. ReferencesBergin, C., & Bergin, D. (2009). Attachment in the classroom. Educational Psychology Review 21, 141-170.Dalton, J., & Beacon, V. (2018). School refusal. In D. Driver & S.S. Thomas (Eds.), Complex disorders in pediatric psychiatry: A clinician’s guide (pp 11-22). St. Louis, MO: Elsevier.Egger, H.L., Costello, J., & Angold, A. (2003). School refusal and psychiatric disorders: A community study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry 42(7), 797-807.Hallinan, M.T. (2008). Teacher influences on students’ attachment to school. Sociology of Education 81, 271-283.Hamre, B.K., & Pianta, R.C. (2001). Early teacher-child relationships and the trajectory of children’s school outcomes through eighth grade. Child Development 72(2), 625-638.Houts, R.M., Caspi, A., Pianta, R.C., Arseneault, L., & Moffitt, T.E. (2010) The challenging pupil in the classroom: The effect of the child on the teacher. Psychological Science 21(12), 1802-1810.Jerome, E.M., Hamre, B.K., & Pianta, R.C. (2009). Teacher-child relationships from kindergarten to sixth grade: Early childhood predictors of teacher-perceived conflict and closeness. Social Development 18(4), 915-945.Kearney, C.A. (2016). Managing school-based absenteeism at multiple tiers: An evidence-based and practical guide for professionals. Oxford, U.K.: Oxford University Press.Kearney, C.A., & Albano, A.M. (2007). When children refuse school: A cognitive-behavioral therapy approach, Therapist guide (2nd Ed.). Oxford, U.K.: Oxford University Press.Kearney, C.A. (2006). Dealing with school refusal behavior: A primer for family physicians. Family Practice 55(8), 685-692.Kearney, C.A. (2002). Identifying the function of school refusal behavior: A revision of the school refusal assessment scale. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment 24(4), 235-245.King, N., Tonge, B.J., Heyne, D., & Ollendick, T.H. (2000). Research on the cognitive-behavioral treatment of school refusal: A review and recommendations. Clinical Psychology Review 20(4), 495-507.Ladd, G.W., & Dinella, L.M. (2009). Continuity and change in early school engagement: Predictive of children’s achievement trajectories from first to eighth grade? Journal of Educational Psychology 101(1), 190-206.Ladd, G.W., & Buhs, E.S., & Seid, M. (2000). Children’s initial sentiments about kindergarten: Is school liking an antecedent of early classroom participation and achievement? Merrill-Palmer Quarterly 46(2), 255-279.Last, C. G., Hansen, C., & Franco, N. (1998). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of school phobia. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 37, 404–411.Pianta, R. C., Belsky, J., Vandergrift, N., Houts, R. M., & Morrison, F. J. (2008). Classroom effects on children’s achievement trajectories in elementary school. American Educational Research Journal 45 (2), 365–397 Read Full Transcript TranscriptJen: [00:00:37]Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today we are going to help a whole lot of parents who are in the middle of a massive transition, and that is the transition to kindergarten or school. Many people, adults included, don’t love change. It’s certainly much easier to keep doing the same things we’ve been doing with the people we know and love than it is to go to a completely new place with people we mostly don’t know whoever new expectations for us that we don’t know if we can meet and we also have to start getting up really early in the mornings, which can introduce all kinds of new power struggles at bed time so we might not be able to solve all of these problems today, but we’re going to take a specific look at what is known as school refusal, which is pretty much what it sounds like when a child says “I don’t want to go to school.”Jen: [00:01:24]To help us understand this and figure out what to do about it, we’re here today with Dr Jonathan Dalton, who is a licensed psychologist and the Director of the Center for Anxiety and Behavioral change in Rockville, Maryland. He received his BA in psychology from Villanova University an MA in psychology from the Catholic University of America and this PhD in Clinical Psychology from Fordham University. Dr Dalton specializes in treating anxiety and behavioral disorders with particular expertise in the treatment of anxiety-based school refusal. Welcome Dr. Dalton!Dr. Dalton: [00:01:53]Thank you so much.Dr. Dalton: [00:01:54]So I wonder…firstly we should probably get clear on some terms that we’re going to use today because when I started reading your work, there were a whole bunch of terms and I want to be sure that we use them clearly.Dr. Dalton: [00:02:03]Sure.Jen: [00:02:04]So you use absenteeism and truancy, school refusal, and so can you define these for us and then perhaps also help us understand how common these issues are.Dr. Dalton: [00:02:12]Sure. Yeah. So just thank you again for inviting me. This is something that I care a great deal about, and I treat many, many kids with these problems. Absenteeism is a global term. It’s an umbrella term that just defines kids who are not in school for any reason. It could be transportation, it could be illness, it could be anything. Truancy is more in line with delinquency; t’s against the law. These are kids who might leave in the morning and then never show up to school because they’re having too much fun in the parking lot or in the woods behind school. Oftentimes that’s more of a criminal justice issue, where school refusal or school avoidance is a more of a psychological development where kids often because of anxiety do not believe they are able to attend school, and so they literally refused to go. It could be kids won’t get out of bed in the morning. I do a lot of home visits for these kids and I’ve seen kids barricaded in bathrooms with their mastiffs guarding them and sending me off with hairspray when I get there and different things so it can be quite significant for some kids.Jen: [00:03:13]Okay. So in general we’re talking about slightly older children here, right? Because most of the parents who are listening to this are parents who are just sort of in this kindergarten phase, maybe some of them on the high end are in the transition phase. Some of them were toddlers transitioning into preschool for the first time, and this is probably not such a relevant thing for them. Is that right?Dr. Dalton: [00:03:33]It really depends, because the research says that there’s kind of a two different ages where we most often see the onset and one of them is five and six years of age, so it’s when kids have to first separate from their family and go into a novel circumstance. It is a time when we...
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My guest for The Happy Hour # 236 is Shruthi Parker. Shruthi is a professional blogger and event host. Shruthi recently hosted Keep Austin Warm in December 2018 which benefited three Austin nonprofits. Shruthi is passionate about connecting people together and sharing different perspectives with different crowds. Shruthi and her husband live in Austin along with their two rascal dogs.
Whether you love it or hate it, social media can bring people together. I met Shruthi through social media and it turns out we go to the same church and live in the same city! After having coffee, I knew I wanted to bring her on the show to share her story. Shruthi and I start off talking about her conversion from Hindu to Christianity that started with a friend named Faye in the 8th grade who invited her to small group. Shruthi shares how this started her down a path that, years later, would bring her to praying "who is God? I need to know who you are, and I need you to be over my life". I got tears in my eyes as Shruthi told me how God revealed His truth while she listened to her boyfriend recite Romans in a Barnes and Noble. She tells us how she hid her faith from her family for fear of disapproval, and how the secret was finally revealed and caused a deep divide. You'll also get to hear about Shruthi's blog and how God used a job that fell through for an even better plan that He had for her.
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उसके पिता ने बड़े दुलार से उसका नाम रक्खा था-‘कला’। नवीन इन्दुकला-सी वह आलोकमयी और आँखों की प्यास बुझानेवाली थी। विद्यालय में सबकी दृष्टि उस सरल-बालिका की ओर घूम जाती थी; परन्तु रूपनाथ और रसदेव उसके विशेष भक्त थे। कला भी कभी-कभी उन्हीं दोनों से बोलती थी, अन्यथा वह एक सुन्दर नीरवता ही बनी रहती।
तीनों एक-दूसरे से प्रेम करते थे, फिर भी उनमें डाह थी। वे एक-दूसरे को अधिकाधिक अपनी ओर आकर्षित देखना चाहते थे। छात्रावास में और बालकों से उनका सौहार्द नहीं। दूसरे बालक और बालिकायें आपस में इन तीनों की चर्चा करतीं।
कोई कहता-‘‘कला तो इधर आँख उठाकर देखती भी नहीं।’’
दूसरा कहता-‘‘रूपनाथ सुन्दर तो है, किन्तु बड़ा कठोर।’’
तीसरा कहता-‘‘रसदेव पागल है। उसके भीतर न जाने कितनी हलचल है। उसकी आँखों में निश्छल अनुराग है; पर कला को जैसे सबसे अधिक प्यार करता है।’’
उन तीनों को इधर ध्यान देने का अवकाश नहीं। वे छात्रावास की फुलवारी में, अपनी धुन में मस्त विचरते थे। सामने गुलाब के फूल पर एक नीली तितली बैठी थी। कला उधर देखकर गुनगुना रही थी। उसकी सजन स्वर-लहरी अवगुण्ठित हो रही थी। पतले-पतले अधरों से बना हुआ छोटे-से मुँह का अवगुण्ठन उसे ढँकने में असमर्थ था। रूप एकटक देख रहा था और रस नीले आकाश में आँखे गड़ाकर उस गुञ्जार की मधुर श्रुति में काँप रहा था।
रूप ने कहा-‘‘आह, कला! जब तुम गुनगुनाने लगती हो, तब तुम्हारे अधरों में कितनी लहरें खेलती है। भवें जैसे अभिव्यक्ति के मंच पर चढ़ती-उतरती कितनी अमिट रेखायें हृदय पर बना देती हैं।’’ रूप की बातें सुनकर कला ने गुनगुनाना बन्द कर दिया। रस ने व्याघात समझ कर भ्रू-भंग सहित उसकी ओर देखा।
कला ने कहा-‘‘अब मैं घर जाऊँगी, मेरी शिक्षा समाप्त हो चुकी।’’
दोनों लुट गये। रूप ने कहा- ‘‘मैं तुम्हारा चित्र बनाकर उसकी पूजा करूँगा।’’
रस ने कहा-‘‘भला तुम्हें कभी भूल सकता हूँ।’’
कला चली गई। एक दिन वसन्त के गुलाब खिले थे, सुरभि से छात्रावास का उद्यान भर रहा था। रूपनाथ और रसदेव बैठे हुए कला की बातें कर रहे थे।
रूपनाथ ने कहा-‘‘उसका रूप कितना सुन्दर है!’’
रसदेव ने कहा-‘‘और उसके हृदय के सौन्दर्य का तो तुम्हें ध्यान ही नहीं।’’
‘‘हृदय का सौन्दर्य ही तो आकृति ग्रहण करता है, तभी मनोहरता रूप में आती है।’’
‘‘परन्तु कभी-कभी हृदय की अवस्था आकृति से नहीं खुलती, आँखे धोखा खाती हैं।’’
‘‘मैं रूप से हृदय की गहराई नाप लूँगा। रसदेव, तुम जानते हो कि मैं रेखा-विज्ञान में कुशल हूँ। मैं चित्र बनाकर उसे जब चाहूँगा, प्रत्यक्ष कर लूँगा। उसका वियोग मेरे लिए कुछ भी नहीं है।’’
‘‘आह! रूपनाथ! तुम्हारी आकांक्षा साधन-सापेक्ष है। भीतर की वस्तु को बाहर लाकर संसार की दूषित वायु से उसे नष्ट होने के लिए। ....’’
‘‘चुप रहो, तुम मन-ही-मन गुनगुनाया करो। कुछ है भी तुम्हारे हृदय में? कुछ खोलकर कह या दिखला सकते हो? .... कहकर रूपनाथ उठकर जाने लगा।
क्षुब्ध होकर उसका कन्धा पीछे से पकड़ते हुए रसदेव ने कहा-‘‘तो मैं उसकी उपासना करने में असमर्थ हूँ?’’
रूपनाथ अवहेलना में देखता हुआ मुस्कराता चला गया।
काल के विशृंखल पवन ने उन तीनों को जगत् के अञ्चल पर बिखेर दिया, पर वे सदैव एक दूसरे को स्मरण करते रहे। रूपनाथ एक चतुर चित्रकार बन गया। केवल कला का चित्र बनाने के लिए अपने अभ्यास को उसने और भी प्रखर कर लिया। वह अपनी प्रेम-छवि की पूजा के नित्य नये उपकरण जुटाता। वह पवन के थपेड़े से मुँह फेरे हुए फूलों का श्रृङ्गार , चित्रपटी के जंगलों को देता। उसकी तूलिका से जड़ होकर भीतरी आन्दोलनों से बाह्य दृश्य अनेक सुन्दर आकृतियों की विकृतियों में स्थायी बना दिये जाते। उसकी बड़ी ख्याति थी। फिर भी उसका गर्वस्फीत सिर अपनी चित्रशाला में आकर न जाने क्यों नीचे झुक जाता। वह अपने अभाव को जानता था, पर किसी से कहता न था। वह आज भी कला का अपने मनोनुकूल चित्र नहीं बना पाया।
रसदेव का जीवन नीरव निकुञ्जों में बीत रहा था। वह चुपचाप रहता। नदी-तट पर बैठे हुए उस पार की परियाली देखते-देखते अन्धकार का परदा खींच लेना, यही उसकी दिनचर्या थी, और नक्षत्र-माला-सुशोभित गगन के नीचे अवाक्, निस्पन्द पड़े हुए , सकुतूहल आँखों से जिज्ञासा करती उसकी रात्रिचर्या।
कुछ संगीतों की असंगति और कुछ अस्पष्ट छाया उसके हृदय की निधि थी, पर लोग उसे निकम्मा, पागल और आलसी कहते। एकाएक रजनी में, सरिता कलोल करती हुई बही जा रही थी। रसदेव ने कल्पना के नेत्रों से देखा, अकस्मात् नदी का जल स्थिर हो गया और अपने मरकत-मृणाल पर एक सहस्रदल मणि-पद्म जल-तल के ऊपर आकर नैशपवन में झूमने लगा। लहरों में स्वर के उपकरण से मूर्ति बनी, फिर नूपुरों की झनकार होने लगी। धीर मन्थर गति से तरल आस्तरण पर पैर रखते हुए एक छवि आकर उस कमल पर बैठ गई।
रसदेव बड़बड़ा उठा। वह काली रजन
