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You may have heard about the health benefits of being kind. Not only can it lower blood pressure, and boost immunity. It can also positively alter your relationship with yourself, which piqued my interest for those of us who’ve spent decades driving ourselves relentlessly. Is kindfulness a solution to feelings of not-enoughness?
Dr David Hamilton is a speaker, columnist, and author of twelve books, including his most recent, The Joy of Actually Giving a F*ck. He’s delivered kindness sessions for Google, Bank of England, the NHS, and many others.
In this episode, David and I discuss “kind genes”, how mindfulness doesn’t help everyone to be kinder, and rethinking what success can feel like. David also gives us a kindness challenge, which I’ve been taking. Hear some of the things I’ve been trying.
0:00 Intro
3:04 Definition of “kindfulness”
4:00 Does mindfulness work for everyone?
6:26 What mindfulness actually does.
7:18 Does it make you more self-critical?
11:02 David’s “Inner Buddha” technique
15:50 The fear that self-compassion means we lose motivation
17:12 Productivity, creativity and neural networks
20:35 What success “feels” like as you’re pursuing it
28:45 The Physical benefits of kindness
33:21 Research on kindness and self-esteem
35:04 “Writing as a technology of healing,” (to use Jessica Waite’s phrase from the previous episode)
41:29 David’s 7 days of kindness challenge
44:18 List of what Mandy tried
47:17 One of David’s ideas
50:19 David’s Brick of Wisdom
51:12 Outro
Links:
Dr David Hamilton (includes his new book).
Episode 66 of Enough, the Podcast (on kindness).
Alexandra Franzen’s list of 50 ways to be ridiculously generous.
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Headphones recommended.
I’m in conversation with Jessica Waite, best-selling author of The Widow’s Guide to Dead
Bastards. Sean, Jessica’s husband of 17 years, died unexpectedly, and after his funeral,
when some of his personal effects were returned, she started piecing together parts of his
secret life. In this conversation we talk about how you put your life back together after a
romantic relationship ends. What if it’s complicated by grief, shock, and infidelity? Jessica
talks about the importance of feeling her feelings – including questioning her enoughness,
and an act of revenge. We discuss the use of writing as a technology of healing. You’ll also
hear how she’s navigating being thrust onto the world stage with her vulnerable story, and
how she’s grounding herself. Compelling, thought-provoking, and insightful. Join us!3:44 How Jessica’s life unravelled after her husband’s unexpected death.
8:35 How did she make sense of his pornography addiction – and how that was different to
the breach of trust in her marriage when she uncovered her husband’s affair.
13:42 “Emotional Spanx” – Emotions will bulge out somewhere; they cannot be cordoned
off.
16:00 What is wholeness?
18:03 How Jessica practiced levity and compassion. How writing helped her to see herself as
a character.
23:36 Writing as a technology of healing.
27:00 Some odd, paranormal situations start happening in Jessica’s life.
35:44 When starting to share vulnerable stories, it’s important who you share with.
36:01 The risk of sharing is real. Jessica’s story hits the British tabloids.
40:10 What Jessica is learning about who she is in this season of her life.
42:40 Grief as a dissolution of identity that leads to a reforming.
44:30 Strictly Come Dancing ex-dancer Janette Manrara talks about the pressures of public
scrutiny
47:46 Jessica’s take on the arm-chair critics.
51:22 Brick of Wisdom52:29 OUTRO – with a closing comment by Jessica
Links
Jessica Waite’s website
Jessica Waite’s book.
Jessica Waite on Instagram.
Mark Silverman’s episode (he discusses “Morning Pages”).
Rosie Nixon’s episode (where she talks about life-changing lists).
Full episode of Janette Manrara from Strictly Come Dancing. -
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Welcome to the first ever Coaching Corner episode of Enough, the Podcast. These conversations are shorter and focus on a particular challenge. I hope you find them practical and immediately actionable. Coaching Corner episodes will be interspersed between the usual ones, just to spice things up. This week, the work dilemma is around being interrupted – what can you do when that happens? My guest is fellow coach, Alina Addison, author of The Audacity Spectrum: Leading with Care, Courage and Non-Conformity. We offer up some ideas you can try in those challenging conversations.
1:15 Alina’s key question if you’re being talked over
3:22 Using a gesture – if you’re feeling audacious
3:50 The acknowledging tool
5:40 Self-awareness isn’t enough – the other lenses to pay attention to
8:26 Check your story
8:34 Recap of the tools and ideas so far
10:52 Alina’s Assertiveness Formula
16:09 Kate’s boss speaks over her – what could she do?
19:00 Implementing the Assertiveness Formula
21:30 Internal calculations – what’s your tolerance level for interruption
28:17 OUTRO
Links:
Alina Addison’s book: The Audacity Spectrum
Alina on LinkedIn
Alina on Instagram
Mandy on LinkedIn
Mandy on Instagram
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Have you ever wondered if people in the public eye feel bouts of not-enoughness? And if so, how they handle it?
Janette Manrara is a former pro dancer on Strictly Come Dancing, a television show watched by 12-18 million people each week. Janette now hosts the TV programme, It Takes Two, and recently published Tiny Dancer, Big World: How to find fulfilment from the inside out.
In this conversation, Janette and I discuss her unusual entry into professional dance (her “wiggly career”), her moments of not-enoughness resulting from the rejections along the way, and how she finally learned to relate to moments of imposter syndrome and self-doubt (because – spoiler alert – they never go away). There’s a secret insight from Janette in the Outro, so listen to the very end.
(3:18) Mandy’s experience of ballroom dancing.
(6:18) Self-love has been a quest for Janette.
(7:31) Janette shares her career moments of not feeling enough.
(14:11) LA is the most ruthless place on earth for rejection.
(18:57) Janette’s first year on Strictly
(20:56) Her inner critic and not feeling good enough or liked on the show.
(23:26) What Janette would say to her younger self.
(24:42) Lenny Kravitz also has bouts of not-enoughness.
(25:28) Defensive pessimism and a recap of Janette’s points.
(27:28) Imposter syndrome – Janette had no “specialty”
(32:15) Adam Grant’s Overblown Implications Effect, and ‘what are you listening for?’
(34:38) Wiggly careers/skill stacking.
38:52 Emma Reid Turrell: 3 reasons your imposter syndrome might get activated.
(40:20) How Janette handles moments of imposter syndrome.
(44:16) Gratitude (it works, even if it sounds “old hat”).
(47:08) The biggest takeaway Janette readers experience from her book.
(49:00) Enoughness is a practice. Recap of Janette’s practices.
(50:36) Janette’s Brick of Wisdom.
(51:25) Outro and secret bonus insight from Janette on what dance is like for her.
LINKS
Janette Manrara’s book.
Janette on Instagram.
Mandy Lehto on Instagram.
IG video of Lenny Kravitz discussing his moments of self-doubt.
Poet Alix Klingenberg on IG.
Episode 64 on Imposter Syndrome.
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In this conversation, Emma and I dig into what’s keeping us “bound”, overwhelmed, and feeling not-enough. We touch on the types of happiness (Emma’s been researching happiness for 20 years) and why a contemplative practice is the foundation of having a more life-affirming relationship with yourself. You’ll hear about how people get “committed to burnout,” and how to break out of what Emma calls the “Matrix” that’s keeping you stuck and exhausted. There’s also a cameo from Dr Anna Lembke, best-selling author of Dopamine Nation, and Stanford professor. Emma and I get into the programs that are running our behaviours and thoughts – including one scenario where a salesperson insulted me, and I opened my wallet, fully aware of what I was doing (and I did it anyway!). Emma, why do we do this? Emma’s practical, evidence-based suggestions give you a path back to freedom, energy and your power.
Links
Emma Seppälä’s website (and books)
Emma on Instagram
Mandy on Instagram
Sky breathing technique
Anna Lembke’s book, Dopamine Nation
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How many Mondays do you have left? You’re about to find out. Coach and author, Jodi Wellman and I hang out with the Grim Reaper in today’s conversation. We start with a pre-mortem, a pulse check of where you are right now, while you’re still on this side of the lawn. What areas of your life are in the Dead Zone? What teeny tiny steps can you take right now to zhuzh up those parts that are ho-hum? You’ll rate yourself on Jodi’s Astonishingly Alive quadrant and discover if it’s more meaning or fun (or both) that will defibrillate your existence. Uplifting and thought-provoking.
Links
Jodi Wellman’s website (includes book and QUIZ)
Jodi Wellman on Instagram
Mandy Lehto on Instagram
Zizou and Roger Federer video
Episode 62 of Enough, the Podcast
We Croak app
3:11 Jodi and Mandy riff on why they think so much about death.
10:11 “Fine” is the most dangerous f-word. The three stooges of bore-out, and how our lives grow stale.
13:06 Only 16.6% of people Jodi polled would feel like they had lived fully if they died tonight.
16:48 Use the pre-mortem to diagnose the “dead zones.”
19:11 Jodi’s Astonishingly Alive framework
21:45 Are you Meaningfully Bored or Vitally Empty?
23:52 Jodi’s alive-alicious sentence stem to play with.
24:50 Start small – don’t go gangbusters!
32:13 Zizou & Roger Federer story.
35:08 The Astonishingly Alive Zone (do we have to live here? Sounds exhausting).
38:38 Sometimes we don’t take action on a dream because it’s safer to keep it pristine…
43:03 Calculate how many Mondays you have left & Brick of Wisdom
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As a high achiever, you’ve probably spent your career optimising for productivity, efficiency, and the bottom line. But there comes a time when that old winning formula no longer cuts it. Maybe you’ve been promoted, or you’re leading a bigger team. Maybe you’ve been told to bring more energy, charisma, and presence to your leadership so that others want to follow you. Research shows that bringing play, fun, and creativity to work can help to retain colleagues, and inspire more innovative ideas. Before you freeze and say, I’m the most un-fun person I know (shriek emoji), stay with me. I promise, there’s no juggling or stand-up comedy required. Today’s guests are going to teach you how (and WHY) to bring more energy and fun to your leadership. Richard Medcalf is an author and coach who heads CEO circles with fun and a lightness of touch. Consultant clinical neuropsychologist, Dr Antonia Kirkby explains our brains on play, and why you want to be optimising for connection in meetings. The episode is full of ideas you can try right away.
Richard Medcalf
Dr Antonia Kirkby on LinkedIn
Video of the Restaurant of Mistaken Orders.
Forbes article, “Elevating Leadership Through the Science of Fun.”
Forbes article, “The Forgotten Art of Having Fun.”
HBR article, “Leading with Humour.”
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Today's guest is Jen Mann, ex-ballet dancer and co-author of the international best-seller, The Secret Language of the Body. In this conversation we discuss how Jen’s early life contributed to the perfectionism, people-pleasing and self-criticism that would ultimately end in chronic illness that traditional medicine was unable to solve. Frustrated and anxious, Jen started connecting the dots between the mind-body cross-over with the clients she was supporting after her ballet career ended. She pieced together insights on how to heal herself by increasing her vagal tone and somatic experiencing, alongside talk therapy and physio. She shares 3 key tips for longer-term healing, as well as 5 practical things you can do right away to decrease your perception of stress during days of back-to-back meetings.
3:52 My childhood was a perfect set up for anxiety
9:21 Jen becomes a professional ballet dancer
13:31 What came after Jen’s ballet career
14:50 Jen spots connections between her clients’ work stress and their physical pain
16:00 The symptoms she was seeing in her clients – and how her own chronic illness symptoms started
20:50 Unresolved feelings of not-enoughness and emotional repression cause illness
25:40 Jen’s body said “Enough!”
28:42 Window of Tolerance
35:17 Conventional medicine didn’t work for Jen, and what she discovered instead
39:57 Vagal tone
44:39 Three tips for longer-term change
51:15 Five strategies you can use at work to soothe your nervous system during hectic days
1:03 Jen’s Brick of Wisdom
Links:
Jen Mann and Karden Rabin’s website (with book and program)
Jen Mann on Instagram
Mandy Lehto on Instagram
Episode 55 with Tatiana Poliakova -
What are sub-routines? Author, coach, and “CEO Whisperer” Jerry Colonna adopts a term from computer programming, referring to the software that runs under an application, likening this to our belief systems laid down early in life. Jerry uses radical self-inquiry on me (unexpectedly) to probe my belief of “I must be constantly productive to be worthy” – a common sub-routine in high-achievers. Jerry invites us to consider the beliefs we’ve inherited from our ancestors in attempts to belong (as well as the subroutines those ancestors might’ve been running). How might these sub-routines be running under your leadership? We end with Jerry’s suggested practice and the core question to use in your own self-inquiry. The vibe of this episode? Deep, reflective, thought-provoking.
*Explicit. Mentions suicide.
4:03 Mandy’s Sedona ancestry experience
9:54 What does ‘belonging’ mean? – “To whom do I belong as a white, cis-gender man?”
11:50 Radical self-inquiry
14:55 Who am I? How did I come to be? Why do I do things that I do?
15:24 Sub-routines
17:20 Jerry’s career in VC (and working himself to death)
20:25 Examples of sub-routines
24:30 How Jerry worked through his sub-routines
30:00 Jerry does radical self-inquiry on Mandy
35:07 Behaviours persist when they provide a benefit
47:09 Relevance of sub-routines to working life
47:45 Jerry’s suggestion of what you can try – his core question to sit with
52:55 Jerry’s Brick of Wisdom
Links:
Jerry Colonna’s Reboot website.
Jerry Colonna on Instagram.
Mandy Lehto on Instagram.
Jerry Colonna on LinkedIn.
Gay Hendricks’s book The Big Leap.
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What is high-functioning anxiety? Dr Lalitaa Suglani takes us through everything you need to know – how HFA shows up day to day; where it comes from; and what you can do if you think you might have HFA. Dr Suglani is an award-winning psychologist and author of High-Functioning Anxiety: A 5-step guide to calming the inner panic and thriving (Hay House). We get into Dr Lalitaa’s own story of how HFA masked her dyslexia, ADHD, and how perfectionism and people-pleasing were running her life. She shares key actions you can start implementing right away if you recognize HFA in your own life. Poignant and practical. Join us!
1:43 What is HFA?
3:14 What would you be seeing day to day at work with something who has HFA?
4:28 Does HFA show up the same way for men and women?
6:38 Where HFA might come from.
8:06 Lalitaa’s own story.
15:48 Steps to kick off the “unlearning” part of the process.
19:51 Noticing when you’re catastrophising, and when dysregulation. Shadow work.
22:35 Conscious change. Learning to connect with the body.
26:13 How to sit in difficult emotions.
29:45 Coaching question 1 about people pleasing, being taken advantage of, and resentment. How to shift this.
32:22 Coaching question 2 about fear of confrontation and never learning to use one’s voice.
38:18 Coaching question 3 about having ridiculously high standards. Lowering those standards feels like “I can’t hack it.” Intention instead of anxiety.
39:46 Lalitaa’s brick of wisdom.
Links:
Dr Lalitaa Suglani’s website and book
Dr Lalitaa on Instagram
Dr Mandy Lehto on Instagram
Dr Lalitaa on LinkedIn
Dr Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn
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Where did you learn how to be a woman who worked too much? Who modelled it? And if you don’t identify as a woman, stay tuned. The women in your life are likely overwhelmed and constantly doing – this episode will help you to understand why.
Tamu Thomas is a former social worker, and now a coach and author of Women Who Work Too Much.
In this conversation Tamu and Mandy discuss toxic positivity and self-abandonment, and where these can come from (Tamu shares how she learned to overachieve in her Sierra Leonean family). You’ll also learn how to reclaim rest and regenerative selfcare, and how Grace Jones championed Tamu through hard times (Grace is available for pep talks, by the way). Mandy gives Tamu three real-life coaching scenarios to unpack. Insightful, powerful and radically practical.
2:06 How Tamu learned to work too much
6:37 Toxic Productivity
10:34 Self-abandonment – “It’s not your fault”
11:45 Being “nice” means it’s okay to feel bad, but not to look bad
12:46 How we learn to ignore our needs in favour of people pleasing
13:41 Tamu’s late diagnosed ADHD
15:28 Women and ambition; bossy leadership
17:46 The antidote to self-abandonment is safe community
19:23 Grace Jones gives Tamu pep talks
21:42 Post-traumatic growth and compassion
23:45 Regenerative selfcare – What is it? Why it matters
26:40 Boundaries
28:04 Regenerative selfcare in action
28:50 Good girl conditioning and stepping into bold womanhood
30:58 Regenerative selfcare is reading about political policies and voting
32:46 Coaching question 1: Corporate Armadillo. Woman in her 50s, has spent her corporate career armoured up. Wants to change
36:40 Coaching question 2: Woman of colour in her 40s who’s a people pleaser
40:35 Coaching question 3: I’m a midlife corporate lawyer and I’ve given myself to my job and my kids. I miss ME.
44:08 Tamu’s Brick of Wisdom
44:40 Outro
LINKS:
Tamu Thomas’ website and book.
Tamu on Instagram
Mandy on Instagram
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Episode 74: Overcoming Psychological Exhaustion, with Rosie Nixon
You’re not completely burnt out, or incapacitated by work, but you know that something’s not quite right. Perhaps you’re more tired than usual, or you’re having other niggling signs, but you carry on. These things pass; they always do – until they don’t. That’s what happened to Rosie Nixon, author, coach, and former editor of Hello! magazine, whose career — however covetable and glamorous — was starting to feel too much.
Rosie shares the pivotal moment when she knew something had to change. What followed was her getting signed off work and a diagnosis of Psychological Exhaustion (she takes us into that doctor’s appointment and shares what she learned). We get into Rosie's journey of separating her identity from Hello! magazine, and how she’s navigating her drive with a desire for a more spacious, values-driven life in her late 40s. Real, raw, and radically practical.
Links:
Rosie Nixon’s website.
Guardian article on breaking the burnout cycle.
Telegraph article we refer to (subscription required).
Rosie Nixon on Instagram.
Mandy Lehto on Instagram.
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Episode 73: Unlearning Silence with Dr. Elaine Lin Hering
Have you ever received the feedback to “speak up” at work? Say more in meetings. Turn up the volume. It sounds so easy but speaking up isn’t always that straightforward – or welcomed.
Today’s guest is Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence: How to speak your mind, unleash talent and lead with courage. She’s been a lecturer at Harvard Law School, and a Managing Partner at a global leadership development firm. Elaine’s clients have included Nike, Google and Pixar.
We deep-dive into silence — how we silence ourselves, how we silence others, and how it’s baked into the system. You’ll learn that there’s often good reason to stay silent in some corporate situations — politics, power dynamics, challenging individuals. Un-silencing yourself can be especially challenging if you’re not from the dominant culture...
This conversation feels like master-class--meets mentoring--meets real life coaching session.
We discuss:
A scenario where an executive feels publicly undermined by her boss, and his feedback (when she brings it up) is to increase her confidence and toughen up.
A scenario where a senior executive has helped a new colleague and shared her client base, and now he’s getting all the visibility (she doesn’t feel she’s one to speak up and address it).
A newly promoted Partner feels like the token woman on the senior leadership team…Have they only promoted me because I’m female?
LINKS:
Elaine Lin Hering’s website and book
Elaine on LinkedIn
Mandy on LinkedIn
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If you’ve ever achieved a big goal, was it everything you’d hoped? Probably not. Callum Wilson dreamt of representing England’s national rugby team since he was a kid, but when it happened, it didn’t change his life the way he’d hoped. Sidebar: This is NOT an episode about rugby. It’s a powerful, tender conversation about how a tattooed, 113kg overachiever handled “arrival fallacy” – the concept that if we just achieve that big goal, THEN we’ll be happy. You’ll learn why diversifying your “goal portfolio” can create a positive shift, and how to handle the negative inner chatter when it insists you’re not enough.
Links:
Callum Wilson on LinkedIn.
NYT article on Arrival Fallacy, with Dr Ben-Shahar
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You’ve heard of burnout, but ever heard of bore-out? Apparently, it’s a leading cause of why people leave their jobs. I’m not talking about things feeling a bit drab. I’m talking about the loss of meaning in your work, and the adverse effects this can have on your mental and physical wellbeing. As you become more senior, maybe your days are full of admin, politics, and none of the juicy stuff that used to light you up. In today’s episode you’ll meet Kristi Turner, a former tech CMO, whose work stress was mainly due to boredom. Kristi took a pause from work, had a “Soulbbatical” (more on this in the episode), and found a new-found vigour to re-enter the corporate in a way that felt more aligned with her values. You’ll also meet Shelley Paxton, former CMO of Harley Davidson and founder of the Soulbbatical, who gives you some techniques to tackle bore-out – no resignation letter required. Pacey and practical, you’ll leave this episode tooled up, and (hopefully) enlivened. Join us!
Links:
Kristi Turner’s website.
Shelley Paxton’s website.
Soulbbatical book.
Brené Brown’s list of values.
Forbes article: Why boredom at work is more dangerous than burnout.
BBC article with Dr Lotta Harju’s comments.
Mandy Lehto on Instagram.
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Do you have BLS? (Beige Leadership Syndrome). I just made that up, but it’s a thing. If you work in corporate, you know the meetings that are soda-cracker dry. The BS buzzwords. The slow death by Power Point. The lack of relatable, inspiring leaders at the top. What gives? Enter Erin Hatzikostas, ex-CEO turned author, TEDx speaker, podcaster and coach-sultant. We talk about how to start practicing authentic leadership, and before you roll your eyes, or think you know what that means, strap in for the ride. This is authenticity as you’ve never experienced it. You’ll leave with some radically practical ways to experiment with authentic leadership, and a new, life-changing tool: the 50% rule. I think I can safely say, this episode will rid the corporate world of BLS. Join us. You career will thank you.
Links:
Erin Hatzikostas’s website. Please watch her cool 2min video!
Erin on LinkedIn. Mandy on LinkedIn.
Me on Erin’s podcast (episode 233).
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Dr Jeff Spencer is the man behind more than forty Olympic gold medals, and stellar performances by Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and many other elite performers who are household names. In today’s conversation, you’ll get a sneak peek at some of the techniques Jeff uses with them. Hint, hint – it’s NOT more striving or hyper-focus. You’ll learn to do “Chameleon Eyes”, a process that opens more opportunities and more of your untapped potential. You’ll also learn to shift gears from striving into receivership, and how “resonant recognition” can be a new navigation system in your life. This is especially important as you leave your 30s, the decade of “conquest and acquisition.” Wise, experienced, and just the right amount of intense, Jeff will challenge how you go about success.
Links:
Dr Jeff Spencer’s website.
Jeff on LinkedIn.
Mandy Lehto on LinkedIn.
Dr David Yudis on LinkedIn.
David Brooks’ book, The Second Mountain.
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Want to learn the real deal on your inner critic from a Stanford-trained neuroscientist? You’re in luck. Today’s guest is Dr Irene Salter, whose inner critic (named Draco) was taking too much airtime in Irene’s life. You’ll hear Irene’s hypothesis on where the inner critic comes from. Then she takes us through a real-life scenario of how she turned the volume down on Draco. You’ll learn about popcorn brain – and my favourite part of the episode, how to connect with your subconscious brain to find out what the heck is going on with that inner voice and the extreme behaviours it demands of you. Lab coats at the ready.
Links:
Microsoft research on short breaks for your brain
Dr Irene Salter’s website
Irene on Instagram
Mandy on Instagram
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When work isn’t working, it’s easy to question yourself, “Why can’t I hack it? What’s wrong with me?” Maybe you’re feeling stagnant, exhausted, or even burnt out. Is it a capacity issue or are you high net growth? (stay tuned for what that means). I’m in conversation with award-winning author and podcaster, Jenny Blake. During her career at Google, she looked at her management and thought, “I don’t want that job.” If you’re languishing, and can’t see a way forward, what do you do? Jenny offers a refreshing perspective on our obsession with promotions, and what she calls “the sea of shiny shoulds.” You’ll learn about project-based purpose, how you can “turn into a goo” after leaving a company that has brand halo, and why an energy audit can be a big reveal. Join us.
Links:
Jenny Blake on Substack
Pivot podcast episode with Mandy Lehto
Article on Languishing
NYT article on Languishing, Adam Grant (subscription required)
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If you love an act of kindness, this episode is gonna feel like lowering yourself into a hot mug of chocolate, with itty bitty marshmallows. Acts of kindness have proven health effects, but I’ve also noticed something else. They are a splendid antidote to feeling self-critical, not enough, and being too zoomed in on your own inner world. This episode originally aired in 2021, and I loved it so much, I wanted to give it a second life. I asked a bunch of guests back to the pod to share a collection of acts of kindness – either given or received – and the impact it had on them. Warm fuzzies guaranteed.
Links:
BBC article with University of British Columbia research.
- Daha fazla göster
