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Judy has been an empathic healer for longer than she probably knew she was. Practicing for over 35 years, her understanding of healing went to another level when her son Ben died by suicide. Resulting from Ben’s death has been Ben Speaks a program brought to schools based on foundational principles of empowerment, wellness, community and collaboration and accountability. Further, Judy works with mothers who have had a child die. She brings training and certification in the Grief Recovery Method as well as having the intangible of being a member of the club as well. She discusses her process with Ken in this episode.
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When faced with a medical condition our first instinct may be to find a solution to the problem. How do we fix this? What is the treatment plan? When a disease is rare there may not be a solution. When this happens, we need to shift gears. Jessica’s daughter Dalia was diagnosed with a rare degenerative disease at age 5 and lived another 12 years before dying. With her book Breath Taking; A Memoir of Family, Dreams and Broken Genes Jessica writes on concepts we might think as contradictory. We can find pain and joy, be fearful and fearless, have times of despair and hope. In this episode, Jessica talks with a genuineness and optimism that is inspiring to those who have loved and lost.
www.jessicafeinstories.com
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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Katie is a nurse practioner who has been leading a perinatal loss group since before the pandemic. Sara is a member of the group whose daughter Jane died after 1 day of life. In this episode they discuss with Ken the process of telling your story, the sadness and hope that comes from it, and how the group continues to provide meaning and support. Nuggets of wisdom along with the post traumatic growth belief that your loss will never get smaller but your world can get bigger seem to be gifts that Jane is leaving for Sara and the group.
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Charles’ new book is titled I Will Do Better; a Father’s memoir of heartbreak, parenting and love. This unflinching memoir comes from the heart and goes right to the heart as six months into parenting his daughter (Lily) his wife and life partner Diana was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer took Diana’s life three days before Lily turned 3. Finding himself a widower his process begins of learning to parent while grieving. With a delicate, yet forceful blend of acknowledging pain and inserting humor Charles discusses this undertaking, and the book, with Ken.
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Ken has been working with grievers for close to 30 years and what he has consistently heard from them, be they children or elderly, are things people say that are just not helpful. Granted as a society we are “grief averse” which often makes conversations around supporting grievers an awkward one. It doesn’t have to be this way. In this episode Ken lays out words and phrases that are conversations enders, offensive, or simply not supportive. In its place he substitutes conversation starters, words to engage and acknowledge loss that can increase our connectedness during vulnerable times.
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This is the title of Colin Campbell’s highly impactful book chronicling his grief process in the aftermath of the death of his two teenage children. Ruby and Hart were killed by a drunk and high driver in 2019. A week after their death Colin began writing an acclaimed play titled Grief: A One Man Shitshow. With rawness, rage, and humor we walk the painful steps with him. When the pandemic began the show was put on hold and gave birth to the book. Filled with helpful “action steps”, it’s a must read for grievers and this episode a must listen.
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Note: This is a re-broadcasted episode that originally aired on Nov. 29, 2023.
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The concept of mindfulness is discussed liberally in our culture. We may have a notion that mindfulness can help us feel calm, relaxed and at peace. While this all can be true, mindfulness is really centered on sitting with whatever arises in the present moment. Here is where mindfulness is such a helpful practice for grievers. What arises is not always pleasant, we may have upsetting thoughts. However, these thoughts could be the pathway towards feeling more peaceful. With mindfulness practice we are acknowledging, not avoiding, or minimizing, our pain. In this manner we engage and learn to manage grief. Ken and Ariel dive deep into mindfulness and the benefits of “practice”.
https://dr-arielbotta.com/
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We often ascribe a higher status to performers and athletes. We can see them as somehow impervious to grief, loss, and pain. We may recognize their physical pain and resilience to get back to where they were. However, with grief we are never the same after a loss, thus the concept of resilience and returning to “normal” falls to the side. Performers and athletes grieve the loss of a season or show ending along with that of the community which was established. They grieve physical injuries, retirements, not “making the cut” or expectations being unmet. Dr Tasha Trujillo is a performance and sports psychologist well versed in this topic. Her new book And She Was Never the Same Again is a multigenerational memoir which dives into many of these areas as well as other areas we may not think of loss arising.
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It’s the summer and if you’re a child it can and should be a time of play! This episode is part 2 of 2, and is dedicated to the fine art of play.
When Ken got together with Steve and Jon their cumulative years of experience using play as a therapeutic tool was close to 100 years. Steve is the Chief Playmaker for the Life is Good Playmakers and Jon is the Executive Director at the Children’s Room. Both programs have their own unique approach toward supporting children as does Ken’s experience as Director of the Academy of Physical and Social Development. The conversation for this podcast is quite, well, ….. playful!
https://www.lifeisgood.com/playmakerproject/project-home.html
https://childrensroom.org/
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It’s the summer and if you’re a child it can and should be a time of play! This episode is part 1 of 2, and is dedicated to the fine art of play.
When Ken got together with Steve and Jon their cumulative years of experience using play as a therapeutic tool was close to 100 years. Steve is the Chief Playmaker for the Life is Good Playmakers and Jon is the Executive Director at the Children’s Room. Both programs have their own unique approach toward supporting children as does Ken’s experience as Director of the Academy of Physical and Social Development. The conversation for this podcast is quite, well, ….. playful!
Part 2 will drop later this month!
https://www.lifeisgood.com/playmakerproject/project-home.html
https://childrensroom.org/
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The title of this episode is also the title of Christina’s new book. As a mental health provider, teacher, trainer, artist and griever Christina has supported thousands in their grief process in multiple ways. She has developed grief support concepts such as The Waiting Room and The Life Reentry Model. When speaking with Christina wisdom flows from her words and she is one of the rare people whose knowledge translates beautifully to the written word. Ken and Christina also discuss her two previous books: Second Firsts and Where Did You Go?.
Link to her website: https://christinarasmussen.com/
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What do you do when an unfathomable tragedy such as losing both your parents at the age of 3 happens to you? You grow up to be a grief therapist who supports those who are members of the parentless, parents club. While Randi’s grief support expands to many walking their first steps after a loss it is with honor and dignity, she contributes to the healing of those who are parentless parents. She discusses utilizing, individual, group, and family counseling along with the use of rituals in an impassioned way in talking with Ken.
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Chronic mental health and mental illness impact not only those who suffer from them but also their extended families and support systems. There are associated losses around expectations and hopes for those connected to the person. A diagnosis and a hospitalization can be traumatic and have a feeling of grief for the “patient” as well as their networks. The corresponding feelings are often thought of as behavioral responses but might have their roots in grief reactions. Similarly, the stigma of mental illness parallels stigmatized deaths. Craig Keefe is a social worker who has been the Executive Director of Clinical Services for an inpatient psychiatric hospital. He and Ken discuss these non-death losses in this episode.
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Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) is our friend. It tries to protect us when we are faced with threat, danger, or any time we perceive the situation to not be safe. The ANS controls unconscious bodily processes and has two main branches. The sympathetic branch controls our fight or flight responses while the parasympathetic branch helps us to "rest and digest" and feel emotionally safe and socially engaged. However, a very primitive aspect of the parasympathetic branch controls our freeze response and can slow us down and generate feelings of hopelessness and a perception of the world being dark and dangerous. Our previous experience of trauma and loss help determine how these systems balance each other. Sometimes the nervous system overreacts, and sometimes it under-reacts. Matt and Ken discuss strategies and interventions for keeping ourselves aligned when we have been thrown out of alignment by overwhelming circumstances.
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Approximately 85% of the kids the My Life, My Choice program serves in eastern Ma are involved with DCF. Just by being in DCF care indicates a history of trauma before being trafficked. Wherever there is trauma there is grief. Lisa co-developed and co-executive directs My Life, My Choice. The program she has developed incorporates a survivor led staff focusing on values of empowerment, equity, community, and unconditional love to name a few.
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Visit the My Life, My Choice website here: https://www.mylifemychoice.org/
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What is EMDR? Perhaps you’ve heard of it but don’t know what it is. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. While practitioners may vary their approach to implementing this form of therapy the intended outcomes are similar: Reduce the stress and distress connected to traumatic memories. Dance Movement Therapy utilizes the connection between movement and emotion to aid in people gaining greater physical, emotional, and cognitive awareness. This will ultimately improve one’s mental health. Genevieve’s psychotherapy practice blends EMDR and DMT to promote healing in those who are grieving, have experienced trauma, are anxious and/or have low self-esteem.
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People can come to know us through the activities we engage in. What happens to our identity when we are absent from those activities? When we sustain a physical injury that prohibits us from doing the things we like to do, we lose a little piece of who we are. Physical therapy may heal the physical problem but what about the psychological part? That can take longer, extending our time away from ‘who we are’. Jane is a psychologist well versed in the psychological response and recovery from physical injury. She shares her knowledge with Ken in this episode.
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Loss is continuous throughout our lifetime. Even though we know this our instinct might be to push away this reality. When we have had complicated, continuous and/or traumatic loss these can trigger additional mental health issues. There are many interventions and paths to help reduce the suffering. When “nothing works” the use of Esketamine in conjunction with treatments can aid in ‘treatment-resistant’ clients. Kurt is a social worker and the vice president of community partnerships at the Brattleboro Retreat in Vermont. He and Ken talk about the impact of loss, use of esketamine, and the new frontier of using psychedelics.
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Approximately 25% of women have some type of reproductive health issues. These can range from being able to get pregnant, stay pregnant or have post pregnancy complications. Both females and males have a birth story. This story can start when they are very young and begin to think what it may be like to be a parent one day. When conception is not as simple as “just getting pregnant”, grief and the associated mental health concerns can arise. Further, the intense personal nature of reproductive health issues can silence those going through it - intensifying the loss response. Ken and Julie discuss the often-unaddressed loss issues related to reproductive health challenges.
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Cory is a news anchor for NBC10 Boston. He has also worked as a field and investigative reporter during his career. In this episode Cory, an Edward Murrow and Emmy award winner, describes how many stories in the news involve grief – from death or non-death losses. Covering loss can have an impact on the mind and soul of the reporter. Reporters are humans too and when your job requires you to engage traumatic scenes and talk with people who are having “maybe the worst day of their life” it’s a lot to manage. Reporters do this daily! Cory speaks with dedication and clarity of how to do the work in a compassionate manner.
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