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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday we discuss the upcoming Christmas season and how to, “Experiencing Christmas Well.”
We Will be Discussing: What are some things you navigated or things you’ve heard you clients navigate during Christmas while trying to heal from betrayal? What are some ways you or your clients have navigated Christmas and found peace? What hope would you like to leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:The Hidden Wounds Behind Triggers (ep. 27)
The Spectrum of Triggers (ep. 28)
Navigating the Holidays after Betrayal Scripture references:Matthew 12:20
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are talking with Stacey Smith, Chief Clinical Officer at Daring Ventures, about attachment and its role in healing. Stacey is an EMDR Certified Therapist and a Trainer for The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). In this 4-Day training she teaches coaches and clinicians how to ethically treat partners of sex addicts who are suffering from betrayal trauma. She is also a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) Candidate as well as PACT level one trained.
Stacey also speaks to groups on topics like betrayal trauma, single womanhood, divorce and intimacy in marriage. Her first book, Understanding and Loving Your Child as a Single Parent, co-authored with Steve Arterburn, was published in 2022. She received her undergraduate degree from Texas State in 1988. Her graduate degree is from Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. She became an LPC in late 2010. She is recently married and lives in Galveston, Texas and spends her spare time fishing & enjoying the beach.
We Will be Discussing: Does attachment styles affect all kinds of relationships? How do you see a woman working on her identity in Christ help her to move toward a healthy attachment style? How does our attachment style relate to our attachment to the Lord? How can I self-assess to find my attachment style? What’s the goal when it comes to attachment? Resources mentioned in this show:Love Sculpture by Alexander Milov (Ukranian)
Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience by Krispin Mayfield
Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy
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Eksik bölüm mü var?
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are approaching another type of betrayal we hear far too often from women navigating their healing journey, being missed when going to their community of faith after betrayal. We thought we would approach this conversation a little differently and encourage faith communities. Many of us don’t know what we don’t know. When we learn and know better we can do better.
Dr. Barb Steffens is joining us today and helping us understand how a faith community can be a safe and responsive community for betrayed partners.
We Will be Discussing: What are some common experiences for women being “missed” by their faith community. What should a care pastor/faith leader/community do when meeting with a betrayed wife or the couple after discovery? What to do when they want you to fix it? What resources can they offer? What do you do when a woman doesn’t understand her impact, yet? What if a woman reaches a brick wall with getting support from her faith community, should she stay where is, or to seek a new faith community? Other options? What hope can we leave for our listeners today? Resources mentioned in this show:Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Dr. Barb Steffens
Scripture references:Deuteronomy 31:8
Philippians 1:6
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: In episode 12, we first explored the concept of therapeutic or healing separations. Since two years has passed since we published that episode, we want to revisit this topic and share a little more around a couple of questions. We Will be Discussing: She kicked him out in the heat of the moment and now she wants to transform the separation into therapeutic, what would you say to her? How is a therapeutic separation a form of mental health care? What do you tell the kids about the separation? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comEpisode 12: Therapeutic or Healing Separation
Separation Documents and Guides to purchase by Shawna Meek
Healing Separation Document example – pdf
Covenant Eyes blog – Can A Therapeutic Separation Help?
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds, APSATS-cpc/PSAP, finish their discussion around the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes.
We Will be Discussing: What about stay shame? What if your decision changes? What hope can we offer our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds
Serenity Prayer
Scripture references:Psalm 18:1-2
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Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds are talking about the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes.
Kathy is our special guest today! Her training under renowned professionals such as Dr. Barbara Steffens and Dr. Jake Porter has equipped her with expertise in the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model and the Couple-Centered Recovery Model. She also holds certification as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).
Her work includes facilitating therapeutic disclosure intensives, grief work intensives for couples, individual coaching for betrayed partners, and couples coaching with her husband, Conrad. Kathy is also the lead facilitator of ‘Returning to You,’ an innovative and intensive week-long program for betrayed partners hosted at Daring Ventures’ beautiful retreat center, The Magnolia House.
Kathy is passionate about empowering and equipping betrayed partners with the tools to heal, grow, and reclaim their shattered lives with grit and grace.
We Will be Discussing: What is “stay shame” and “go shame” and how will a woman know she’s experiencing one of these? What was Kathy’s defining moment where she let go of that shame?Join us next week for part 2!
Resources mentioned in this show:Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are talking with Crystal Botero-Rand and her work supporting partners whose husbands are attending Boulder Recovery, 14-Day healing intensive.
Crystal lives in the Chicago suburbs with her husband Jon. She is a betrayal trauma coach, trained through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She group coaches the wives/partners of men undergoing intensives at Boulder Recovery, a Christ-Centered sex addiction treatment program. She also coaches women one on one in her private practice, Rooted and Established Coaching. Her passion for working with betrayed women began with her own healing journey and has grown as she has coached many women. She is honored to help her clients connect to their worth, make sense of their story, and set the healthy boundaries. She is deeply rooted in her Christian faith, and so are many of her clients, but not all. She helps them through crises of faith or breakdowns in their faith community, which are so common in this experience. Helping women understand their story and put one step in front of the other is her most worthwhile pursuit.
We Will be Discussing: What is Boulder Recovery? What are the pros and cons of a husband doing an intensive? Does Boulder do any assess the betrayed partner? Do you prep her to understand to it might not have a positive outcome? What can a wife expect of herself while he is gone in the program and when he gets back? While he is gone is there any contact between husband and wife? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:The Boulder Recovery 14-Day Christian Intensive
TINSA: A Neurological Approach to the Treatment of Sex Addiction
Partner’s Healing 5-Day Intensive
Scripture references:John 1:5
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are continuing our discussion with Vicki Tiede. Vicki is a certified APSATS partner coach whose specialty is walking with wives who have same sex attraction in their story with their sexually addicted spouse.
Vicki is a betrayal trauma recovery coach, speaker, and the author of “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” Vicki has a passion for helping women navigate the pain of betrayal, particularly in relationships impacted by infidelity and pornography. She has a particular interest in supporting women whose husbands struggle with same-sex attraction. Vicki and her husband Mike also work with couples ready for relationship restoration.
We Will be Discussing: What is the value of being in community with other women who have this aspect in their story? What hope can we leave our listeners this week? Resources mentioned in this show:Life Renovation Counseling and Coaching – Learn more about Vicki and/or make an appointment through this website.
When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede.
Homosexuality and the Christian by Mark Yarhouse.
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are talking through a specific betrayal for many women. Over the course of the 10+ years I have been walking through betrayal stories with other women, many have a story that includes Same Sex Attraction. During discovery or disclosure women learn that their husband has been acting out with men or viewing same sex pornography. Typically, we approach our topics with a broad stroke to discuss betrayal as a whole. Today we wanted to sit with author and recovery coach, Vicki Tiede, who has walked this path and bring hope to women who are trying to heal from their husbands' SSA and addiction.
Vicki is a betrayal trauma recovery coach, speaker, and the author of “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” Vicki has a passion for helping women navigate the pain of betrayal, particularly in relationships impacted by infidelity and pornography. She has a particular interest in supporting women whose husbands struggle with same-sex attraction. Vicki and her husband Mike also work with couples ready for relationship restoration.
We Will be Discussing: What are some of the fears that come up for a partner when they discover same-sex attraction and their husband’s story Does recovery look different for women whose stories involve same-sex addiction? Resources mentioned in this show:Life Renovation Counseling and Coaching – Learn more about Vicki and/or make an appointment through this website.
When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart by Vicki Tiede.
Homosexuality and the Christian by Mark Yarhouse. -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are discussing and important piece of coupleship recovery, grieving together.
We Will be Discussing: What place does grief have in trauma healing? What place does grief have in coupleship healing? What are some practical tips or suggestions to help couples understand mourning and grieving as a couple? Resources mentioned in this show:Episode 15: Full Therapeutic Disclosure
Daring Ventures – Grieving Together Webinar
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comWelcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. Before we get started, we just want to make sure to say that we are not licensed therapists. We are ethically credentialled coaches.
As coaches, we pick up on patterns. One of the patterns we see in recovering couples is that the person with problematic sexual behavior exhibit being avoidant of connecting with his wife.
We Will be Discussing: What are some reasons the person with problematic behavior avoids? How does a woman experience living with a man who is in very early recovery and avoids intimacy. How does she stay sane when living with a man who does not want or does not have the skill set, yet, to connect with her in a way that is meaningful to her? -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are continuing our discussion around how trauma negatively impacts our self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth. We are going to explore ways to gain the confidence you lost after discovery and empower yourselves in truth.
We Will be Discussing: What are some ways you personally found your way to empowerment? What are some other practical tools we can offer our listeners in order for them to grow in empowerment? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:God’s Love Letter
Episode 59, “So What, Lord?”
Pete and Geri Scazzero Books
Susie Larson Books
Robert S. McGee Books
Brene Brown Books
Scripture references:Zephaniah 3:17
Jeremiah 17:14-18
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, we are discussing why and how a betrayed partner’s self-esteem decreases after discovery. Self-esteem is your sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes. One of the criteria for post traumatic stress in the DSM-5 is “Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world.” So, it makes sense that a large percentage of betrayed wives experience this drastic drop in their confidence. We Will be Discussing: What are some experiences betrayed partners have with loss of self-esteem? How does this lack of self-esteem affect recovery from betrayal trauma? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comLauren Daigle – You Say
God’s Love Letter to You
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comWe are continuing our exploration of how to navigate when friends or family in this episode. Today, we are sharing practical tools and tips when friends and family are unintentionally insensitive to complexities of pain involved in betrayal from sex addiction.
We Will be Discussing: What can a betrayed wife put in place or think about before she interacts with friends and family to pro-actively care for herself if this kind of situation comes up? What are some other practical tips or tools we can share that have worked for you or your clients in navigating insensitive friends and family? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:3C Family and Friends Understand BT
2B PSB Family and Friends Understand PSBSA (1)
P Affects Community Family and Friends Understand
Clarity and Peace with Boundaries (Pam Blizzard
Scripture references:Philippians 4:7-9
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation We Will be Discussing: Today, we are exploring the reality of the insensitivity of some friends or family to complexities of pain involved in betrayal from sex addiction. What are some experiences either you or your clients have shared regarding insensitive friends and family? Why is this kind of situation so uncomfortable? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comVisit episode 68's website at hopeforwives.com for access to two PDFs. Facts sheets that explains simply the reality of betrayal trauma and problematic sexual behavior.
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Support HFW through a donation
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, Lyschel and Bonny continue the discussion, because Pam is away with other obligations, about Option C. We talk about staying well through choice, change, the complexities, and Christ.
We Will be Discussing: How do we stay well in Option C? What if she starts to feel hopeless? What hope can we leave? Resources mentioned in this show:“Do I Stay Well or Leave Well?” – Blog Post
“‘Staying Well,’ Is it even possible?”
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, we are discussing what it means to stay while waiting in the hallway between pre-discovery and true solid recovery in the betrayer.
Option C includes choice, change, complexity, and Christ.
We Will be Discussing: What is Option A and Option B? What is Option C? What hope can we leave? Resources:https://leslievernick.com/blog/do-i-stay-well-or-leave-well/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpsBx-rWHtw
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comLyschel and Pam had other obligations, so I, Bonny will be speaking with a special guest today – Dr. Barb Steffens!
Barb is the retired founder of the association of partners of sex addicts trauma specialists, or APSATS. APSATS was a response to her empirically supported work that betrayed partners are traumatized by the discovery of their spouses problematic sexual behavior and should be supported through the lens of trauma, not co-dependence. Barb now focuses on helping better equip religious leaders to care for marriages that are struggling through the discovery of problematic sexual behavior.
Today, our topic is “How Religious Leaders Can Serve Betrayed Couples Well.”
We Will be Discussing: What is institutional trauma or institutional betrayal? What are some things that religious leaders could do to minimize spiritual trauma when they are working with a marriage that has deceptive sexuality? What are some obstacles that keep religious leaders from following up with a couple where the wife has newly discovered sexually problematic behavior? What are some resources that religious leaders could tap into to learn more? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:“Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal,” by Dr. Barb Steffens and Marsha Means.
Why did God let this Happen? Assessing the Spiritual Impacts of Sexual Addiction on Intimate Female Partners: A Qualitative Investigation
Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training Information (July, 2024, dates)
“The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It,” By Sam Black.
“Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores,” by Dr. Diane Langberg.
Coming November, 2024 – “When the Church Harms God’s People: Becoming Faith Communities That Resist Abuse, Pursue Truth, and Care for the Wounded,” by Dr. Diane Langberg.
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: We are continuing to tenderly discussing sexual abuse in marriage and today we are moving into the intense end of the spectrum and will be talking about marital rape. So, again, we invite you to check in with yourself. Are you in a grounded enough place to listen to this conversation? If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now.
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comIn our last episode we talked about your right to give consent to sexual engagement in marriage. Marriage does not nullify your right to say yes or no to having sex with your husband.
It was only 31 years ago that marital rape became illegal in all 50 states. And today, in 2024, 9 states still have legal loopholes that allow rapist husbands to receive as little as probation as a punishment for this heinous crime. These states are Idaho, Nevada, California, Oklahoma, Mississippi, South Carolina, Virginia, Ohio, and Michigan (https://www.newsweek.com/spousal-rape-loophole-map-1892924 ) . I’m talking about the US because that is where we are based. Worldwide, 150 countries have criminalized marital rape and 48 countries it is not criminalized and 6 it is unclear. So, women around the world are still fighting against archaic laws that harken back to when women were considered property. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape_laws_by_country ) We Will be Discussing: When does sexual coercion cross the line into marital rape? What would you say to the woman listening who has experienced marital rape? How does Jesus see women, especially those who are abused? What hope can we leave our listeners? Scripture references:Luke 1:38
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: The next two episodes we are tenderly discussing topics around sexual abuse in marriage. So, we invite you to assess whether you are in a grounded enough state to listen to this conversation. If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now. It’s hard to consider that sexual abuse can happen in marriage, and yet it does. It is one of the most confusing and distressing things a wife can process. It is a double betrayal.Sexual abuse is not uncommon in marriages where the spouse with problematic sexual behavior has not embraced the reality of their damaging behaviors. Sexual abuse can fall on a spectrum from objectification and light coercion on one end to marital rape on the other end. Today, we are discussing consent and sexual coercion. According to The Law Insider website, sexual coercion is defined as the use of unreasonable pressure in an effort to compel another individual to initiate or continue sexual activity against the individual’s will. Sexual coercion wrongfully impairs the other individual’s freedom of will (like using threats, making them pay afterwards with pouting behavior or abandonment for a time, drugs and alcohol to inhibit them from refusing) or impairs their ability to choose whether to engage in sexual activity (an example of this is having sex with someone who is asleep or is so sick or unhealthy and cannot stop what is happening, this to me, borderlines on rape, but that’s for our next episode). We Will be Discussing: What is consent? What are some faulty messages women have received about her right to say no to sex in marriage? (faulty messages from church and culture) So thinking back to the faulty message, how have these faulty messages enabled sexual coercion in marriage? What is the truth for a woman who has been coerced? What grace can she give herself? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comHow Not to be an A** by Andrew J. Bauman
The Sexually Healthy Man by Andrew J. Bauman
Practicing Full Consent – blog post by Andrew J. BaumanAuthentic Intimacy ministry with Dr. Juli Slattery
Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli SlatterySexual Clarity for Christian Women – class led by Bonny Logsdon Burns (Strong Wives)
Scripture references:1 Corinthians 7:4-5
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