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"Heavy" seems to be a good description of the last couple of years and has certainly impacted marriages. Here are some thoughts on how that can get turned around.
Episode 2, the 1st of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Complimenting your spouse is one of the little things that is a big deal. In this episode, we explore some ways to develop a better rhythm of complimenting each other and the good news that motivates us to do so. Here we go!
Episode 10: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Eksik bölüm mü var?
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Regardless of the state of your marriage, focusing on what you enjoy about your spouse can have a powerfully positive effect. Episode 03: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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How many opportunities are we given daily to interpret the character, actions, etc. of our spouse?And how often are we tempted to assume the worst?! This week we discuss this topic more fully and the gift of giving the benefit of the doubt.
Episode 04: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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How you greet your spouse may seem like a little thing, but it's a big deal. We invite you to consider changing your greeting routine to set a trajectory of love and enjoyment in your marriage.Episode 05: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Little “g” goodbyes, the every day goodbyes. Another seemingly little moment that makes an impact - it’s what we’re unpacking this week in Hope’s for Marriage. The beauty is that we can look at these moments from the secure place of knowing we will never be abandoned by the One that knows us best. Just sit with that for a minute….you will never be left by the One who made you and knows you best. Never, ever.
Episode 06: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Don't underestimate the power of holding hands. Even after a lot of years of marriage, this little gesture of connection and love can make a big difference in reminding your spouse that he/she is your top priority. So let's up our game of everyday touch and see what happens.
Episode 07 of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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It’s vulnerable to say “I’m sorry”, with no facade of strength to hide behind. And let’s face it, none of us really LOVE having to say those 2 little words. But wow are they powerful, and necessary!
The power of the everyday apology is what we unpack in this week’s episode - join us for a hard but good topic!
Episode 08: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Three little words that are a really big deal. You've said them countless times in a thousand different scenarios, but saying them the right way at the right time in your marriage can have a profound impact on you (and your spouse) believing them. And that's the goal - for our spouse to really KNOW that they are loved and treasured and never on their own.
Episode 09: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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The weekly rhythm of attending and engaging with a solid local church is a powerful and irreplaceable avenue of grace that amplifies the joy of your marriage. In this episode, we discuss why and how.
Episode 11: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Trying new activities together can be seriously bonding and strengthening for your marriage. Brain science and lots of experience prove it true. Grab your spouse and catch this episode encouraging us all as we try new things together.
Episode 12: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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Life and marriage can at times require some hard work. One of the best ways to gear up for those times and to be strengthened through them is to be very intentional about prioritizing play and fun in your marriage. In this episode, we discuss the importance of fun and how it is a bonding agent for joy-filled, gospel-saturated marriages. Here we go!
Episode 13: Part of the Little Things...Big Impact Series
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The arena of COMMUNICATION is mastered not by speaking, but by listening and listening actively. Few things cause our spouse to feel heard, valued, supported and loved as much as active listening. And wow, do we all need a refresher on this one!
Episode 14: The of the Communication Stuff Series
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Do you want a tool in your communication toolbox that will immediately have a huge impact on your marriage?
One of the very best tools to have in your marriage communication toolbox is this: reflective listening. Few things are as powerful in causing our spouse to feel heard, seen, and valued. And few things will be as effective at building trust, joy, and intimacy.
Listening is such a BIG deal that we’re doing a second week on this topic, and this week we are taking a zoomed-in look at a tool called “reflective listening”. This tool is not tricky, but it sure doesn’t come naturally to any of us. So “listen in” as we discuss this foundational skill and leave you with some how-to handles that can make a difference today!
Episode 15: Part of the Communication Stuff SeriesSee Episode 14: Are You Listening?
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We’re all taught that non-verbal communication is a big deal, but did you know that we actually assign more meaning to what we’re “hearing” through non verbals than the actual words being said? In this episode we talk about a little thing in communication that is a big deal… our tone of voice. Because effective, healthy communication is so much more than WHAT we say, but HOW we say it.
Here’s some of what we talk about:
What we pay attention to, and believe, more than what is being said. (:58)Three of the default modes that can get us into trouble, and what Brian’s frequent challenge is when it comes to default #2 (1:49)Three alternatives that are far healthier and more life giving. Also, what is Brian’s new acronym, NJN? Hmmm (5:10)How our aligned and authentic tone of voice can reflect a bigger story, showing our spouse how Jesus created and sees them. (7:15)Episode 16: Part of the Communication Stuff Series
Listen to Episode 14 Are You Listening? & 15 Level up your Listening
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Want to leverage your tone of voice for a better communication outcome with your spouse?
In last week’s episode we discussed the significance of our tone of voice, our default modes, and how it tells a bigger story. This week learn the specifics of how your tone can be an invitation for engagement instead of a trigger for conflict - and let’s be honest, triggering our spouse (knowingly or unknowingly) is rarely a recipe for success!
Here’s some of what we talk about:
3 dials on our tone amplifier and how each reflects intense emotions and the impact this can have on our spouse.Why we might choose James Earl Jones over Fran Drescher to read us our bedtime stories. (3:00)How tone of voice relates to our biological responses of either engagement or flight or fight, and the irony of how we engage often creating the opposite response than what we’re wanting. (6:37)The invitation that we are given by our Creator to not play by the rules of this world, to take a deep breath, and listen to His loving tone. (8:35)Episode 17: Part of the Communication Stuff Series
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Our body tells a story, a more true story than even our words. In fact, if we hear words that are not aligned with what someone’s body is saying, we will always choose to believe the language of the body. Body language is at it’s root instinctual, automatic, and often subconscious, reflecting our most core emotions and thoughts - sometimes before those thoughts and feelings have even registered in the conscious mind. As you might imagine, the discrepancy between the language of words and body can be confusing at best, breaking down effective communication with our spouse, but can also be a powerful tool for growth and good.
Here’s some of what we talk about:
How to be a detective and increase our self-awareness. We give a quick exercise to demonstrate the power of the internal experience and how that shows up in our body language.How to continue the work of being a detective with some NJN (Brian’s new acronym) for our spouse which will also provide space for growth and allow them to connect the dots between their internal and external world.How to respond when our body inevitably tells a story we didn’t intend, and how more importantly to be intentional in leveraging our body language for the good of our spouse.Episode 18: Part of the Communication Stuff SeriesAlso check out "Level Up Your Listening" (Episode 15)
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Mind Reading, the super power we all think we have, but are so woefully under skilled in application. Remember the magic 8-ball we had as a kid - wishing we had the power to shake, read, and know exactly what was going to happen? (“Maybe this time the 8-ball will tell me if the cute boy/girl in class likes me!”) So silly, and yet we persist in trying to mind-read our spouse, assuming we know what they’re thinking, and then responding according to the one-sided narrative of our making.Here’s some of what we talk about:
3 of the reasons we continue to wield our broken super power, even though we KNOW mind reading is not built on reality. (I’m SURE he is thinking the sofa on Etsy is the best use of our $, right?)3 outcomes of spousal mind reading (teaser, none of the outcomes are awesome).The questions we need to ask ourselves to keep us grounded in reality, our mind open, and our spouse engaged.Episode 19: Part of the Communication Stuff Series
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Have you been the victim of THE Silent Treatment? It’s the insidious withholding of communication - words, attention, affection, and connection - that communicates so much. It’s a response that is demeaning, degrading, mean, and wrong..and yet so common and frequently used. It’s time to unpack and address this nefarious tool of destruction.
In this episode here’s some of what we talk about:
Why the silent treatment is so dang triggering.The goal of silent treatment, and why it sometimes makes you feel crazy.We clarify the the difference between SILENCE as a response vs. silent treatment.We give the 4 steps of how to respond if you are the victim of silent treatment to break the cycle.If you are the one employing silent treatment we discuss the serious nature of this bludgeoning coping tool, with an encouragement and reminder of Good News that roots you in the truth to break the destructive cycle and enter a new era of open and gracious communication.
Episode 20: Part of the Communication Stuff Series
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Welcome to our first episode of Hopes For Marriage!
After a lot of years of being in pastoral Ministry for Brian. And a lot of years as a private practitioner as a mental health therapist Elisa. And even more years of being married we are excited to bring this channel to you with a lot of content to reinforce and encourage your marriage for what we believe God made super good and for your enjoyment and His glory so believe it or not we have a lot of thoughts ideas and hopefully hopes for what we want to bring for you to really be able to enjoy what God has given you and meant for good. So tune in. Find us on YouTube and Instagram @HopesForMarriage.
We can't wait to bring lots of encouraging, reinforcing, and helpful content to strengthen your marriage for the glory of God and your joy.
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