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In this episode, Elizabeth and Megan explore the intricate world of attachment wounds, particularly those etched by the icy touch of narcissistic parents. We examine the critical concept of "mirroring" in infancy and the long-term effects these formative experiences have on our adult lives. We’re going to unpack how early relationships—or the lack thereof—set the stage for a lifetime of complicated emotional navigation. With scientific studies and personal stories, we shed light on the challenges of growing up under the cold gaze of caregivers more akin to wire monkeys than warm humans. Come along as we wade through these emotional undercurrents—it's like therapy, but with more jokes and fewer copays.
We’re so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [email protected]!
What We Cover In This Episode:
• What attachment is in general and what we’d like you to understand about the concept of “mirroring” as a baby [4:51]
• A classic study using monkeys that revealed the importance of maternal contact and reinforces what we are talking about on today’s episode about attachment [13:07]
• The ways in which having a narcissistic parent is a lot like having a wire monkey parent [17:13]
• What the science shows about the issues you can have as an adult after facing this sort of trauma from an early age [18:03]
• Two metaphors that accurately describe what it’s like to grow up in this sort of situation [28:12]
• Megan’s “Mini Crazy Mom Off” and a story about her mother and playdates that impacted the way that she saw herself as a child [34:39]
• Elizabeth’s “Mini Crazy Mom Off” and what it led to in terms of how she viewed the material things she possesses [46:09]
• A time this week we were triggered and the simple tools we used to bring ourselves back to feeling more secure and safe [54:46]
Links & Resources:
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/obsonline/harlows-classic-studies-revealed-the-importance-of-maternal-contact.html
https://www.thechatner.com/p/wire-mother-energy-drink
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/creating-secure-attachment
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Join us on this week’s journey into the heart of darkness—okay, maybe just the heart of trauma, but let’s be real, sometimes it feels like the same thing. This week, we’re unearthing the behemoth known as complex trauma in an episode we've aptly named "Jurassic Trauma." Why Jurassic? Because some wounds are as old and as deep as dinosaur bones, and just as tricky to handle without the right equipment.
We also unravel the "raindrop theory," because honestly, telling someone with complex trauma to "just get over it" isn't helpful. We distinguish the heavy-hitters from the everyday stresses that push us to grow. And yes, we tackle that eye-roller: “doesn’t everybody have trauma?” with some truths that might just make you nod in agreement—or at least make you laugh a little. Plus, tune in for our beloved “Mini Crazy Mom Off”—it’s like family game night, but nobody wins a prize and everybody needs therapy after. Grab your emotional umbrella, folks, we’re about to make it rain wisdom, laughs, and maybe a few tears (the good kind. We hope).
We’re so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!
What We Cover In This Episode:
Join us on this week’s journey into the heart of darkness—okay, maybe just the heart of trauma, but let’s be real, sometimes it feels like the same thing. This week, we’re unearthing the behemoth known as complex trauma in an episode we've aptly named "Jurassic Trauma." Why Jurassic? Because some wounds are as old and as deep as dinosaur bones, and just as tricky to handle without the right equipment.
We also unravel the "raindrop theory," because honestly, telling someone with complex trauma to "just get over it" isn't helpful. We distinguish the heavy-hitters from the everyday stresses that push us to grow. And yes, we tackle that eye-roller: “doesn’t everybody have trauma?” with some truths that might just make you nod in agreement—or at least make you laugh a little. Plus, tune in for our beloved “Mini Crazy Mom Off”—it’s like family game night, but nobody wins a prize and everybody needs therapy after. Grab your emotional umbrella, folks, we’re about to make it rain wisdom, laughs, and maybe a few tears (the good kind. We hope).
We’re so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!
What We Cover In This Episode:
• Where the term gaslighting comes from, plus an important distinction about what it is and isn’t [11:18]
• Our main topic of the day, trauma, and how the definition of the word has changed so much in the last 5 years [31:25]
• What the “raindrop theory” is and why just saying “get over it” doesn’t work with victims of trauma, particularly the complex type [33:45]
• Distinguishing between trauma and something that challenges you or stresses you in order to grow [41:32]
• How to know if you’ve had trauma as a result of narcissistic abuse and the specific questions to ask yourself during this self-reflection [46:38]
• What we say when we hear, “doesn’t everybody have trauma?” [64:47]
• Another edition of our “Mini Crazy Mom Off” with two significant stories from our past [68:25]
• How we both used human connection and leaning on our support system recently to get through difficult situations [81:23]
Links & Resources:
001: Welcome to Our Nightmare
https://www.ilcadv.org/will-you-light-the-gas-please-a-brief-history-of-the-term-gaslighting-and-the-movie-behind-it/
https://medium.com/@artchangeslives/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-feign-response-1765d7227775
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Eksik bölüm mü var?
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In this first episode, Megan and Elizabeth introduce themselves, talk about growing up in a narcissistic family, and explain why they embraced being terrible daughters. If you’ve been struggling with making sense of your childhood or you want to know more about what emotional abuse looks like, this is the place for you. And if you know that you grew up in a toxic family and want to find community, know that you belong here, too.
We’re so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!
What We Cover In This Episode:
A look at what this podcast is all about, and who it is and isn’t for [2:02]
What functional loss is and how we will be exponentially expanding the definition of grief [20:12]
A breakdown of narcissism and personality disorders, plus how they differ from one another [27:15] Why we’re using narcissism as catch-all term for narcissism, borderline personality, and anti-social personality disorders [44:43] A big realization that Elizabeth recently made from what the clients she works with have told her [55:06] How to tell if you have a narcissistic parent and the resource that Megan used which brought so much clarity to her own relationship with mother [56:32] What our “Crazy Mom Off” segment will be and some stories from both of our lives that we want to share [64:17]
Additional tools that we both use to get through difficult times on our own journeys [55:24]Links & Resources:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-23099-001
https://theawarenesscentre.com/narcissistic-parent/
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3ay1zfrv72snm0pn8koie/ANamvpZWLJ2tpn1ulH92ogc?rlkey=bjev5zkpvo1qhmqwsxpxqnv71&st=kyq7yqmx&dl=0
https://www.taramohr.com/the-playing-big-book/
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Wondering how to be a terrible daughter? Listen as Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper, mental health professionals who also happen to be cousins, discuss growing up in toxic families, surviving narcissistic abuse, and moving forward after trauma. The How To Be a Terrible Daughter podcast is a place to find community, put words to your experience, and laugh at the dark stuff. We’ll share our stories from our own childhoods, make mental health concepts easy to understand, and interview intriguing guests along the way. Oh, and you can also let Megan and Elizabeth hate your parents for you if you're having mixed feelings. We don’t mind, we’ve got plenty of pent up anger for everyone. If your parents have ever called you terrible, horrible or something even worse, come join us!