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Talking points: truth, social media, relationships, men, culture
Phew! Mark and I covered about a million things this episode, but that's what happens when you've been friends for over a decade. There's an overarching theme though: getting caught up in narratives, and how that actually fractures our ability to stay relational and kind to people. Dig in for this very wide-ranging conversation.
Editor's note: while Adderall (dextroamphetamine) has some molecular similarity with methamphetamine, they are not the same. The attached methyl group—the "meth" part—lets the compound cross the blood-brain barrier very easily, last longer, and amps up how addictive it is. The "dextro" means the compound is arranged in a specific way so much lower doses can be used.
(00:00:00) - Why men a seen as the problem in our current society, and how social media plays into that narrative
(00:14:42) - Balancing our perception of what men and women each bring to the table
(00:27:59) - How Mark approaches charged topics and binary thinking
(00:43:07) - Dehumanizing is easier thanks to social media, and how to stay relational
(00:58:06) - Acknowledging complexity, and intersubjective reality
Mark Groves is the founder of Create The Love. His own rock bottom – a relationship ending – sparked his lifelong journey to turn his mess into his message. Today, Mark is a human connection specialist, speaker, writer, motivator, creator, connector and collaborator. All. The. Things. As a bridge between the academic and the human, Mark invites people to explore the good, bad, downright ugly, and beautiful sides of connection.
Connect with Mark
-New book: Liberated Love: https://markgroves.com/elementor-landing-page-1696/
-Website: https://markgroves.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/createthelove/
***
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: relationships, sex
I've worked with a LOT of men and a TON of couples in relationships, situation-ships, and what have you. When it comes to what YOU as a man can do to craft a thriving partnership, there are 3 sort of "rules" that have come up again and again. They're also what changed the game for me and led to the wildly wonderful marriage I have now. Listen in.
(00:00:00) - Intro and rule #1: stop worshipping sex
(00:05:24) - Develop the self-esteem and willingness to walk away
(00:09:08) - Get into the right place in your life, THEN find a woman
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices -
Eksik bölüm mü var?
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Talking point: relationships, communication, boundaries
I am so honored to be talking to Nedra this week, whose work and words have helped untold numbers of people. Her work on boundaries balances firmness with kindness in a way that I find inspiring. If you're wondering how to be more assertive and have deeper communication in all your relationships, this is gonna be your episode.
(00:00:00) - Intro and how closeness is measured by depth
(00:09:39) - Emotional followthrough is critical
(00:14:48) - How to invite others into deeper conversations and how men get trapped in problem-solving mode in relationships
(00:27:31) - Do men and women approach boundaries differently?
(00:33:41) - Nedra’s take on what men miss with women in communication
(00:45:56) - How much does our family system impact our ability to have boundaries?
(00:50:11) - Nedra’s thoughts on the future of therapy, and what’s going to be necessary
Nedra Glover Tawwab, MSW, LCSW, is the author of bestsellers Drama Free and Set Boundaries, Find Peace, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. She has practiced relationship therapy for 15 years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice, Kaleidoscope Counseling. Every day, she helps people create healthy relationships by teaching them how to implement boundaries. Her philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlie most relationship issues, and her gift is helping people create healthy relationships with themselves and others.
Nedra earned her undergraduate and graduate degrees from Wayne State University in Detroit, MI. She has additional certifications in working with families and couples and in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, plus advanced training for counseling adults who've experienced childhood emotional neglect.
Nedra has appeared as an expert on Red Table Talk, The Breakfast Club, Good Morning America, and CBS Morning Show, to name a few. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, The Guardian, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including The School of Greatness, We Can Do Hard Things, and Ten Percent Happier. She hosts the podcast You Need to Hear This, and shares practices and reflections for mental health on her popular Instagram account. Nedra currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina with her family.
Connect with Nedra
-Website: https://www.nedratawwab.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/
-Podcast: https://www.nedratawwab.com/nedra-podcast
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: social media, masculinity, culture, the manosphere
You know the type. The conflict-focused, disrespectful bastions of non-matured masculinity. All loudly promising—if only you follow their framework—the secret to making millions and having your own harem.
I get a lot of asks to weigh on this. Specifically, what makes these guys so popular. Here are my thoughts.
(00:00:00) - Intro and what I grew up with
(00:03:39) - The feeling of virility and reckless certainty is understandable, but it has a cost.
(00:07:49) - If I were 19, I’d get the appeal
(00:10:05) - Men with actual status aren’t out there selling you status, and the formula these guys use
(00:14:55) - We need to pull back and ask who we’re actually listening to
(00:17:54) - It’s hard to find real elders; harder to listen
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: relationships, sex
Thrilled to have Dr. Laurie return! This time, we go deep on sexual attachment. How it shows up, how it's a little different than the attachment styles you might know of, and what might be blocking it in your relationship. There is TONS of good info and insight here, team, so listen closely.
(00:00:00) - What is the “sexual attachment cycle”?
(00:05:59) - Where does the push-pull dynamic start, and how cues to sex slow down in some relationships
(00:14:37) - What secure sexuality looks like on relationship
(00:21:19) - Why men come out of a hookup generally more satisfied than women
(00:27:29) - How do you end the push-pull dynamic and create secure sexual attachment?
(00:34:19) - Navigating intimate conversations, and don’t be fooled by social narratives
(00:43:21) - What creates a sexless relationship, and how to move forward
(00:51:13) - Rebooting sex after a sexless relationship: the blocks
Laurie Watson, Ph.D., MA, LMFT, LCMHC, Director of Awakenings, certified sex therapist, certified EFT therapist, certified addictions specialist from IICS, has thirty years of experience working with couples and individuals about love and sex. Laurie says, “I’ve never seen a couple who I didn’t feel hope for about their healing and happiness.”
Laurie is the host of the popular podcast, FOREPLAY RADIO, ranked in the top 10 on iTunes under Sexuality. Laurie authored her first book Wanting Sex Again—How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage in December 2012.
She’s a popular blogger, with over 15 million reads between her WebMD blog and Psychology Today Online. Laurie also lectures physician residents, PAs, and PTs at Duke’s and UNC Chapel Hill’s medical schools on sexual function and dysfunction.
She has been published or quoted in almost every nationally popular media resource including the New York Times, Buzzfeed, HuffPo, WebMD, Glamour, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, etc. A popular media figure, she has appeared on the Katie Couric Show and Vogue Weddings and is regularly on radio and television in Raleigh and Greensboro.
Director/owner of Awakenings, Counseling for Couples and Sexuality, Laurie supervises 11 clinicians in both Raleigh and Greensboro.
Connect with Laurie
-Website: https://lauriewatson.com/
-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LaurieWatson.CouplesTherapy/
-Podcast: Foreplay Radio: https://www.foreplayrst.com/
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: anxiety, relationships
You asked, I answer! The latest Man's Guide, specifically for folks dating someone with anxious attachment or just general anxiousness. I've had a ton of couples come to be asking how to tackle this, so here are the important things to ask yourself, and six points you can work on right away.
(00:00:00) - Intro and one of the most important elements to shifting this dynamic
(00:03:38) - What role in the dynamic are you playing? It can be hard to admit!
(00:06:48) - Signs your partner has a lot of anxiety, and the general impact on you
(00:12:33) - Immense amount of empathy for those with anxiety
(00:15:18) - So what do you do? On responsibility and regulation
(00:21:11) - Don’t personalize the panic, and create some movement
(00:25:01) - Pull them back to the present moment, and one powerful question to ask
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices -
Talking points: masculinity, culture, relationships
What is it men are actually looking for? We know how media tends to define "masculinity", but what is it men are wanting to define? I sat down with MELD founder and fellow coach Owen Marcus to dig into some of this, because we've both found that what men really want and what mainstream narratives say they want are often two different things. Dig in, team.
(00:00:00) - Why do you think “masculinity” gets so much attention in our culture?
(00:05:44) - When are where do men feel most aligned, and why getting out of your head is important
(00:12:07) - Where did mature masculinity go, and the balance of biology and culture
(00:19:25) - What happens when men miss moments of maturation
(00:27:03) - The value of being able to share what you’re going through with others, and what gets in the way
(00:33:27) - What is emotional physiology?
(00:39:24) - Tools to get back into the body, and what about men who avoid the work for fear it’ll make things worse?
Owen Marcus resisted getting into men's work, and it was only because his pain exceeded his fear that he started his first men’s group in 1995 in his clinic in Scottsdale, AZ.
The conventional approach to men’s groups began to feel inadequate for Owen and the deep, transformative work he sought. After completing his straw bale home in the forests of Idaho, he decided to take everything he had developed in his practice and worked to create a new model. By the middle of 2005, he had a thriving men's group group.
What began as the Sandpoint Men’s Group (SMG) grew beyond Marcus's wildest expectations. Nineteen years later, it boasts over 400 alumni and more than 50 active members. This journey led to the birth of EVRYMAN and now MELD, each step an evolution of his initial vision.
Connect with Owen
-Website: https://meld.community/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meld.men/
-LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/owenmarcus/
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices -
Talking points: business, mindset
I've been asked this for a long time now, and finally decided to press the button. I don't work in this industry to show off lambos, cohibas, and designer suits. It's to help other men be what they know they're capable of being. So if you're someone who's teaching, coaching, or making something for men, listen in, because here's what I've learned.
(00:00:00) - Intro, why I’m making this, and the problems to solve when working with men
(00:10:25) - What I’ve discovered works well. Number: get clear on the problem you’re solving
(00:12:33) - Speak to men directly. Not ABOUT men
(00:15:08) - Use multiple platforms, but have one in the lead, and pay for training
(00:21:04) - Leverage other people’s mastery and credibility by paying for partnership
(00:25:55) - Give value every step of the way
(00:29:47) - Develop a very deep level of competency
(00:33:51) - Build really strong relationships
(00:40:16) - Repetition, time, and consistency
***
Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: purpose, archetypes, trauma, perfectionism, abandonment
This week, a shadow work session with an anonymous guest. If you've ever wondered what this kind of work is like, now's your chance to check it out. My guest today has already done some great work and has found drive and purpose, but something has kept him from taking action. As we work to find out what's going on, we learn about past events that laid a foundation of resistance.
Note: there's some heavy stuff in here. You've been warned. This episode has also been edited for clarity and anonymity.
(00:00:00) - Intro, what brought my guest in today, and the Guardian of the Threshold
(00:07:09) - What's contributing to the overwhelm, and the guest's mother
(00:14:30) - Going deeper and connecting with the somatic experience
(00:21:57) - The connection between resistance and two events in the past
(00:34:17) - We don't always need the full story in order to heal, and homework
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: mindset, the shadow
I've been fascinated by the power of a good question for as long as I can remember. These are five simple (but not easy) ones that have radically altered my life for the better. I still use them today when I'm feeling stuck or unsure in my health, business, and relationships. Listen in!
(00:00:00) - Intro and the importance of good questions
(00:04:00) - Your mind has a LOT of unconscious content, and it’s actually useful
(00:06:43) - The benefit of framing questions as “sentence stems”
(00:08:45) - “The one thing I don’t like people to know about me is…”
(00:10:25) - “The one thing I could take action on that would make a difference is…”
(00:12:58) - “Is this something I can influence, or is it out of my control?”
(00:16:10) - “What really hard thing can I do that will make my life better?”
(00:18:35) - “What am I missing by choosing to worry?”
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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Talking points: relationships, authenticity, mindset
How do you truly live life for yourself while navigating a relationship? What does it take to navigate what both of you want without creating resentment? How do you break free from what you're "supposed" to be—but remain authentic? These are all questions Lisa Bilyeu has had to answer in order to create an incredible life, and she's answered them powerfully. A privilege to sit down with her and dig into the intensity that can be modern relationships! Definitely going to be a part two!
(00:00:00) - Intro and Lisa’s defining moment
(00:07:25) - How Lisa held onto her authenticity and broke free from external validation
(00:12:49) - Lisa’s take on modern relationships, and the nuances of what women want
(00:27:19) - What women really want men to understand
(00:37:55) - How Lisa and her husband navigate who leads in the relationship
Lisa Bilyeu is cofounder of the billion-dollar company Quest Nutrition and cofounder and President of Impact Theory. She is the host of Women of Impact, a show featuring women who have overcome incredible hardship to achieve massive success. Her mission is to empower all women to become the heroes of their own lives.
Connect with Lisa
-Book: Radical Confidence: https://bit.ly/49Yx3f1
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/
-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WomenofImpact
-Podcast: Women Of Impact: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-impact/id1435217865
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices -
Talking points: psychology, shame, mindset
Trying so hard not to reference the bell ringing lady in Game of Thrones right now. Seriously though, a lot of us let shame run our lives. There are legitimate reasons why, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Listen in for how it starts, why it's so hard to clear, and ten (yes, ten!) thing you can do to break free.
(00:00:00) - Intro and how to better define shame
(00:03:30) - Why shame is so hard to get rid of: it’s natural, and its has a somatic component
(00:08:16) - It also can reinforce trauma. Here’s how they get connected
(00:13:52) - Shame as a source of safety
(00:18:36) - Understanding the physical side of shame
(00:23:21) - What does NOT help
(00:25:51) - When to seek professional help
(00:26:59) - Ten ways to move through shame. First one? Use curiosity to challenge it
(00:30:32) - Mindfulness skills, reframing, and separating personhood from behaviour
(00:35:00) - Putting the same in context, treating as a belief vs identity, and putting blame where it belongs
(00:40:01) - Finding an alternative story, and practicing expressing boundaries and assertiveness
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices -
Talking points: masculinity, culture, mindset
We've had a lot of new listeners recently, and this interview deserves a ton of attention. Jason's words and work are powerful examples of how important men's work can be. This is a re-release of one of my favorite interviews, one of the most impactful stories, and worth every minute. Dig in for thoughts on comprehensive masculinity, the dangers of "grindset", and so much more.
(00:00:00) - Intro and Jason’s defining moment
(00:07:45) - The video that got Jason global attention
(00:13:22) - Defining “emotional incarceration” and its devastating effect on men
(00:18:58) - Why do some men have such an aversion to rest and replenishment?
(00:24:52) - How Jason got into martial arts, and how he uses it to support young men
(00:33:54) - On the importance and teaching of defeat
Jason Wilson is the founder and CEO of the Yunion (pronounced union), a non-profit youth development organization in Detroit Michigan. Since 2003, the Yunion has effectively reached more than 15,000 youth and young adults through innovative prevention programming, trauma-informed care, parental engagement, and counseling. In 2008, Mr. Wilson’s heart for fatherless and misguided black boys inspired him to create and direct the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy (CATTA).
As an expert in Emotional Stability Training®, Wilson’s leadership has garnered the CATTA numerous acknowledgments and awards for his work teaching males how to introspectively confront and conquer their negative emotions with composure. In 2016, one of the CATTA’s videos went viral with over 80 million views worldwide. As a result, Mr. Wilson was invited to be a guest on the Dr. Oz Show and to present the CATTA at President Obama’s ‘My Brother’s Keeper’ Showcase at the White House. Later that year, NBC’s hit TV show ‘This Is Us’ was so inspired by Wilson’s work, that they featured the CATTA’s initiation ceremony in one of their most viewed and award winning episodes. In 2018, Mr. Wilson signed with actor/producer Laurence Fishburne’s film company Cinema Gypsy to produce a documentary film on Jason’s work with the CATTA. It is scheduled to be released in 2021.
Mr. Wilson has over 25 years of martial arts experience, in addition to over 16 years of training and developing young black males. Mr. Wilson is a man of the Most High, a faithful husband of over 22 years and a proud father of two beautiful children.
Connect with Jason
-Website: https://mrjasonwilson.com/
-Book, "Battle Cry": https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400226996
-The Yunion: https://theyunion.org/
-The Cave of Adullam Transformational Academy: https://mrjasonwilson.com/catta/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrjasonowilson/
-Twitter: https://twitter.com/mrjasonowilson
-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mrjasonowilson
-Book, "Cry Like A Man": https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07G1YJ7DZ/
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
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Talking points: attachment, relationships
Got a LOT of requests for this one! Relationships between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment folks are actually quite common. They can also be extremely tough. Listen in for what they're like, why the patterns are hard to break, and how to move towards a secure, grounded partnership.
(00:00:00) - Intro, what characterizes the anxious-avoidant dance, and why there’s no “villain”
(00:04:08) - Why that dance is so strong
(00:08:28) - Examples of the anxious-avoidant dynamic
(00:12:58) - Can anxious-avoidant relationships actually work, how to know if it won’t, and how to END the dance
(00:16:56) - The “protest and punishment” behaviors, and how to self-identify if you’re the anxious partner
(00:21:23) - How to self-identify if you’re the avoidant one
(00:27:05) - So what do you to? Tips for the anxious
(00:33:05) - Tips for the avoidant
(00:38:19) - What to do together
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family
I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen!
(00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship?
(00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships?
(00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy?
(00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction
(00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening?
(00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because you can’t criticize your way to a better relationship
(00:37:44) - Why Trevor chose to have kids
(00:42:43) - Why self-compassion is important, and what it really looks like in action
(00:54:33) - Trevor’s thoughts on how to figure out who you really are
(00:59:49) - On sharing your relationship and family events online, and why Trevor and his wife kiss in the rain
(01:05:38) - What Trevor does to maintain spark in his marriage
Trevor Hanson is a licensed marital and family therapist specializing in EFT, or emotionally focused therapy. Combining the depth of a therapist with the pratical guidance of a coach, Trevor works to bring empathy, acceptance, fun and gentle accountability to therapy. You can find more of him on his podcast "The Art of Healing."
Connect with Trevor
-Website: https://theartofhealingbytrevor.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theartofhealingbytrevor/
***
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Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity
If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one.
Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously.
(00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group
(00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure
(00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability
(00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness
(00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement
(00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moderation
(00:19:48) - Willingness to say (and hear) hard stuff, transparency, and confronting the uncomfortable
(00:22:02) - An example meeting structure that works
(00:26:42) - The Hot Seat and how to use it, and a closing ritual
(00:30:14) - Be flexible to red alerts, and final thoughts on structure
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: culture, parenting, psychology, lying
Parenting has never been easy, but our modern culture adds a few extra layers of challenge and questions. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately, as you might have found out), there's a mountain of info online. This week, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Aliza Pressman to dig into what works, what doesn't, what parents are facing these days, and how to sift through it all. Lots of great info here for anyone who's got kids or who's thinking about it. Seriously.
(00:00:00) - What kind of landscape are parents in now, and what do you think they’ll face in the future?
(00:11:15) - How do parents prep their kids for the onslaught that is social media?
(00:14:43) - Defining executive function, and how to build an environment that helps cultivate it
(00:25:03) - How do you help your kid develop good impulse control?
(00:32:09) - The early stages of development: what’s going on?
(00:37:56) - On learning how to manage discomfort, create safety, and the importance of roughhousing
(00:53:03) - What does effective discipline look like for children?
(01:01:00) - How to handle lying
Dr. Aliza Pressman is a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with families and the health care providers who care for them. She is the author of the New York Times bestselling book THE 5 PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, and the host of the award-winning podcast Raising Good Humans.
Aliza is the co-founding director of The Mount Sinai Parenting Center and is an assistant clinical professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital. She holds degrees from Dartmouth College, Teacher’s College, and Columbia University. Aliza is the mother of two teenagers.
Connect with Aliza
-Website: https://draliza.com/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggoodhumanspodcast/
-Book: https://amzn.to/3TNDhZ0
-Podcast: Raising Good Humans: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/raising-good-humans
-Substack: https://dralizapressman.substack.com/
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships
Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps.
(00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel
(00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant
(00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?
(00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency
(00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child
(00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment
(00:33:37) - More on what this looks like in a relationship: control, distrust,
(00:35:57) - Wanting closeness but fearing closeness, difficulty regulating emotions, and negativity
(00:38:24) - On being disappointed by others, protection from rejection, and concentration
(00:40:02) - The big one: inability to self-soothe
(00:41:40) - So what do we do? Two BIG steps
(00:45:24) - On how to self-regulate/self-soothe, and starting with the breath
(00:50:20) - Find someone to help you work with your hypervigilance
(00:53:07) - Develop consistent connection with your partner (or with friends). Here’s how
(00:56:53) - Build trust. Slowly. Over time
(00:59:46) - Set boundaries with the fear-based thoughts in your head
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: purpose, initiation, adversity, grief, culture
It isn't always easy to find a sense of purpose or meaning in life, never mind feeling initiated into maturity. In these chaotic times, it gets even harder. This is a special compilation episode featuring four masters of finding humanity, clarity, and meaning in life. Their combined efforts have helped legions of people get a better handle on life and all of its twists and turns. Two of them are people I revere as elders, and three work with men and purpose on a regular basis. Featuring ideas from...
-Lion tracker, coach, and storyteller Boyd Varty: https://boydvarty.com/
-Depth psychologist Francis Weller: https://www.francisweller.net/
-Culture activist Stephen Jenkinson (unreleased material!): https://orphanwisdom.com/
-Writer, teacher, and coach Rainier Wylde: https://www.rainierwylde.com/
-Purpose guide Tim Corcoran: https://www.purposemountain.com/
(00:00:00) - Boyd Varty on the role initiation plays in a man’s life—and what happens without it
(00:16:20) - Francis Weller on why we need to (but can’t seem to) handle the unknown, failure, and grief
(00:25:45) - Why the soul needs failure to find meaning, and how Francis runs grief workshops
(00:30:35) - Given our current times, what does it mean to be a “generative ancestor”?
(00:33:05) - Stephen Jenkinson on what defines and gives meaning to your humanity
(00:39:47) - Rainier Wylde on how to find a sense of purpose in chaotic times
(00:55:27) - Tim Corcoran on how to practically define purpose, and what’s often in the way
(01:05:29) - Where does the “soul” fit into all of this?
***
Henson Shaving brought this episode to you! No more nicks, no more cuts—and no more subscriptions! Go to https://hensonshaving.com and enter MANTALKS at checkout to get 100 free blades with your purchase. (Note: you must add both the 100-blade pack and the razor for the discount to apply.)
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
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Talking points: psychology, mindset, self-talk
This is one of THE things that blocks men from all kinds of growth and progress. An internal dialogue that is harsh, abusive, shaming, even cruel. Let's change that, shall we?
If you or someone you know is constantly deprecating or talking negatively towards themselves, strongly encourage you to share this one. It's important.
(00:00:00) - Intro, how prevalent a harsh inner critic is, and how nasty mine was
(00:06:56)- Where does an inner critic come from, and how is it formed?
(00:11:13) - Neglect and abandonment
(00:15:52) - Trauma as an origin for a harsh inner critic
(00:16:57) - “Dark motivation” and it’s useful but maladaptive power
(00:23:15) - It damages your ability to appreciate or validate yourself
(00:24:45) - What to do, what NOT to do, and questions you can use to find your inner critic’s origin
(00:28:09) - Figure out what it wants
(00:29:51) - Set some boundaries
(00:31:34) - Repurpose the loyal soldier
(00:34:31) - Build a relationship with this part of you
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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