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The easiest thing I’ve done is quit smoking, and here’s why - I found out my own personal reason. You want to know how?
This works when you want to make a change in your life, and changing is hard.
Like smoking - I knew it was bad, and I knew it for years, but somehow, I always made up the tales that helped me keep going.
I told myself comfortable lies - it helps me relax (the opposite of course is true), we all need a vice (we don’t), it’s forcing me taking a break (I wasn’t working that hard in the first place).
Of course I tried quitting, but I knew there’s always an out - unspoken, and so I have always snuck in through the back door.
And there was one moment - I went for a walk during lunch break, and ran out of smokes.
It was a cold day, and I had my hands in my pockets, just trying to get warm.
I was itching to go buy a packet, this craving was driving me on…
And that’s when I felt it within me - I don’t want to have an addiction.
What if I end up on a deserted island, alone with a craving, and not craving food, drinking water, but this drug?!
No! Enough. I will do it NO MORE.
And that was my reason - I never touched another cigarette, not after twelve years of packet a day…
I have never looked back because the reason has always been true - I just found it.
It wasn’t the willpower, but the right intention with true reason behind that brought this to life, and that I believe is the secret:
Not making up reasons, or forcing yourself - it never works long term, but spending the time to uncover true reason to stop. Start. Keep going. Do what you need to do to feel progress!
And proud of yourself.
My friend, is there something that you need to do so you can move forward, and make change for you, on your terms?
This might be the right time to journal, reflect on what really drives you, what you truly care for, your reason for making things right!
I believe in you, I believe you can change, I believe you can do this on your terms, right now!!
It’s taking the time to uncover your reason, connect with it, and keep in your heart:
You’ve got this! For more on making the change, tune in to the podcast:
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I honestly cannot remember the last time that someone I spoke has shared their goals for the future…
The closest we usually come with - I should get a new job, I’ll try and finish that PhD, or I need a break.
It doesn’t come off as compelling, committed, and ready to go, and not because these goals are not worthy, or we are not worthy of goals, no:
It’s that we don’t give ourselves TIME to immerse ourselves in our dreams, hopes, and desires!
Those things truly matter - the everyday moments we live for with people we love, care and cherish, the big aspirations to learn, and to grow, and to give, the very seeds of joy and excitement that making us all come alive, await to be planted in the garden of life.
If only we give them some time - to daydream, to plan for, imagine, to share in with others…
I know that when you share your true dreams, your real goals, your inner desires, you do come to life, you do get excited, you know life’s got meaning, and you’re moving forward!!
This is the biggest change I can promise - when you plant your goals, you won’t feel you’re stuck:
Because you are moving, you’re trying, you’re sharing, and figuring out!!
And when you see your goals sprout, be they little moments of beauty, or epic and life changing shifts, you know life’s got meaning, you know you’ve the energy to live more, feel more, and be more, not only for you, but the people you love!
And that’s why this week’s all about goals - this week on the podcast I talk about how to set meaningful goals and to bring them to life!!
Simple ideas that can help you make real change, today:
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Eksik bölüm mü var?
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Do you ever your hand up for something, get super excited, and when it doesn’t go perfect, you kind of crash down and burn?
I am a bit of an expert - this year, I signed to be the team manager for our son’s soccer team.
It’s kids we know, they’re having so much fun, I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
But then the coach was away, and so I found myself struggling in doing too many things - with training, planning, and game days, but what upset the most is people took it for granted.
Just because you’re the volunteer doesn’t mean that people don’t need to say thank you, or offer help, or help out.
And it upset me so much I felt like wanting to quit - because every little thing that annoyed me, every tiny remark, every side glance, became the big thing!
And it blew up in my face - I got so angry, frustrated that I didn’t get to enjoy the time with my son…
Which is my whole reason for being there in the first place!!
It got me thinking - just how on earth do you stop that?
What can you do about this emotional contagion from spilling over into the rest of your life?
How do you redirect your mental energy towards something positive, helpful, supportive?
I put my best lessons learned in hope that it serves you, supports you in doing the opposite of what I have been doing!
Join me this week on the podcast with simple but practical tips on how to stop emotions from derailing your life:
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Maybe you tried therapy and the person you came across wasn’t helpful, or maybe you thought about it, but it didn’t feel right because you didn’t know what to expect or thought it would be too painful…
These are struggles we face – and today, I am not here to convince you, but to share with you the very personal experience of someone who struggled with childhood trauma and cancer
My name is Joe Bakhmoutski, I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and the author of “Finding Hope in Times of Uncertainty: A Guide to Thriving in the Challenging World of Today”, and today I am talking about the very personal journey of doing therapy, whether it’s right for you, and the big four big things I learned from the last two years of doing therapy and having my life transformed.
I hope it serves you, my friend, and gives you a personal insight into what works, what doesn’t, and what you might expect and consider:
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I was doing my groceries and struck up a chat at the counter, and this person related their vision for when they’re retired:
They’ll there’ll be quiet and harmony then…
And you’ve heard this before, it is waiting for a time when things sort themselves out, maybe then I can be happy…
It is hard to rely on a future we cannot predict, but still - even if it were true though, what about right now, in this moment, today?
I believe that the happiness m calls on us, even most in the harshest conditions we live in - it’s reason enough.
I have struggled a lot in my twenties:
My then partner has left for somebody else, and the wrongness has thrown me completely.
I was drinking each day. I was shut off, upset. My anxiety spiraled. And one night, I was behind the wheel, and felt anger that’s surging right through me:
This is never going to happen, to me, again. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved, and be giving love back, in return.
You see, nothing has changed! And my life was no different, but the one thing I found was resolve.
My resolve to be happy.
This is what you deserve, and be feeling, today!
Find your internal reason that speaks to you now, that the suffering brought, and the life that you’re wanting!
Because I wanted love, I had no clue on how I could get there…
How could I be worthy of great love - when I just got gotten unceremoniously dumped by the wayside?
When I could not have sex, and lay frozen, with nothing to feel?
There are moments you don’t have an answer, but you find your resolve.
This resolve - to be happy - is there in your stars, only you must decide that you claim it, and keep start moving towards it!
And the answers will come.
You’ll grow into it. You will figure it out. Bit by bit.
You might stumble, but you’ll pick yourself up, and you’re going to keep going!
Because you’re on the path, and right now is time that you start feeling happy TODAY.
My path took many twists and turns, but those years I spent on making sense of the world and on healing helped me find my true love!!
And I am feeling grateful each day - grateful for making the resolve for the life that I want.
What’s the one thing that you crave in this moment?
What would make your life brighter, more joyous, more calm?
It is worth the commitment, to bring it to life - even if you do not have answers…
Because answers you’ll find - you have done so before, and you’ll do it again.
My friend, know that you truly deserve to be happy today - with resolve that you’re moving towards it!
You are here, you’re striving, and you never give up.
I believe in you! You can do this.
We’re striving for future, today!
For more on finding your happiness now, please tune in to the podcast:
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When you listen to your friends’ success, or a moment of glory, do you find yourself jealous, if only a bit?
I had recently talking to friend with a podcast – he was telling me about this great spike of growth, and I couldn’t help myself feeling not only jealous:
Feeling out of my depth. I don’t even belong here! Why I’m getting things wrong…
All these questions, and doubts, they start circling, until you start giving them space – to be here, to be present, make us question, check in with ourselves…
And this moment of letting you notice discomfort, and to let yourself notice these feelings come up is the moment when you begin taking control.
You are now in a place where the worries of not being enough are okay – it is okay to feel them.
It’s fine. They are here. And these feelings are normal. I can handle it. Yes, I’m okay.
This requires a lot of ourselves because here you admit that you are not perfect.
You are human! With doubts, and concerns, and yet also with dreams, and with hopes, and with struggles, and the moments you try, and you fail, and figure things out…
It’s accepting what you know all along – you don’t need to be perfect.
You can just be yourself.
It is more than enough!
It’s in moments like these that we start seeing ourselves in a kind way, without pressure, when you can be real.
That is brave, my friend, to let yourself FEEL the feelings, whatever comes up!
You’re in charge of your feelings, and not they – of you.
You have gone further, much further in life than you give yourself credit for!
We all have our own path, our own story - you have yours, and I do have mine.
We cannot compare ourselves in a fair way, but we can be kind.
Kind in a way that makes you feel about yourself, and about others.
Kind in a way that takes in our whole self, not just the bits that we like.
Kind in a way that doesn't make yourself victim, or scapegoat, or someone at fault.
That's what I take on this week on the podcast - how you can compare yourself in a kind way:
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It’s weird so please help me describe it - but I’m going to give it a try:
It’s this nagging sense that something is missing, undone, that hangs in the background.
You may go through your day, and you’re getting through things, and you might be feeling okay on the whole…
And yet, there’s a longing, this emptiness somewhere within that is yearning for closure, this vague sense we always resist.
Because if you answer, and look at it closely, it hides an old pain, and it might get worse, or even take over…
I felt it come back when I was doing a podcast about cancer.
We wrapped up a great conversation on the importance of sharing your story - I shared some practical, hard earned advice, there was a great energy and connection, the hosts thanked me profusely, and yet…
I left with a sense something’s missing. But why?
I gave it my best, and shared my authentic, personal truth, I served...
What did I leave out?
And then it got me. I saw it, right there on the outskirts of my mind, a vague and ominous shadow.
A glimpse of the past.
Reminder: you’re broken.
The fear of losing control.
That the event is going to take over, wipe everything out, and be the center of the universe.
The meaning of my existence is keep it at bay.
I hoped if I kept it a secret, that it would stay out of the way…
And one day, I’d have to be facing the truth…
But not today.
And so I kept living - in fear that’s hiding…
It’s funny how secrets will crawl their way out to the surface, especially secrets we keep from ourselves.
The war in Ukraine, and stories of rape, pillaging, murder, has opened a deep rift within me.
A rift that I had to find way to close.
I didn’t know how - I went seeking, to get these fears out of me, and in the process, I found a person who’s been through it.
The person who saw me, and seeing my story reflected, I saw the way forward.
In taking the next step is hard because it is into unknown…
But unknown is better than horrors we live with, the nightmares that we endure.
It maybe a small step, a nudge, or a leap, but I know it’s worth it.
Because it will bring you away from the pain and the suffering and toward the freedom of being , it’s weight off your shoulders.
I promise you! Worth it
Let go of the hurt.
Of bitterness. Shame. The illusion: no, you are not broken!
And you never were… You’re free to feel happy, today.
The memory lives on inside me.
The horror?
The horror is gone.
Where are you , my friend, on your journey, and what’s next on your path to heal?
Let’s figure it out - together!
This week on the podcast The Next Step To Heal:
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What makes you unique is the people you trust.
Because when you feel safe, understood, and accepted, that is when you’ve the freedom to dream, and explore, try things out.
You are being truly seen, just the way you’re supposed to.
But so often we have our uniqueness lie buried in doubt, and forgotten – but it’s never been gone!
It is waiting to be rediscovered.
And you found your uniqueness with others – with the people you trust, you believe in, and it’s not always easy to find them.
You might not have enough of them right at your side…
Because trusting is hard:
Hard when you been wronged, hard when you been misunderstood, but that doesn't tell truth about life.
There are more good people in the world than we will ever know – with their uniqueness.
They, too, are craving to be heard, understood, loved, and cared for.
All of us, we deserve it!
Deserve to keep seeking, and find – you deserve it!
You deserve to have people you trust.
You deserve to have people who like you, respect you, believe:
In your truth, in your story, in the person you want to become.
It’s a calling – your personal tribe, it’s a calling!
They don’t come to you blindly – and we must seek them out, at the moment precisely when you’re feeling the vulnerable most.
It is something that I take away from my going through cancer:
The worst part of it wasn’t the pain, or nausea, even fear of dying…
It was feeling alone.
My close friends disappeared, and it made me so angry, and so miserable – why?
I kept asking, but one thing I came to was this:
I don’t ever want go through this again – I deserve to have people who care.
About me, who I am, how I’m doing.
And not when they feel like it, not when it’s convenient, but because it is right.
It’s when I made a promise:
I am going to make new friends, and they’re going to be people who care, and who will be around me when going gets tough.
It’s not easy to meet, open up, but the moment you give it a try gives you power!
Because you get to find those very people who get you – no need to placate, or to hide, or to minimise yourself, your truth, and your values.
You can be your true self, and to trust in the people who care.
Your personal tribe.
How do you go about it? What’s the way to approach it?
I go through it all with you in the podcast that we have today.
It’s called How To Build Your Personal Tribe:
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The most memorable part of the journey is right where you begin - it is new, it is fresh, and you soak it all in, like a sponge.
That's the way it has been with my journey to heal - when I came across Left Write Hook, a unique recovery program for survivors of child sexual abuse that brings together creative writing and boxing.
It's the rush of emotion that is hitting me right in the face: there are people like me. There are people who face it, there are people who HEAL.
Meeting Donna, the founder of Left Write Hook, has changed the course of my life and has set me on new path toward healing, recovery, and freedom!
And when the opportunity came up to become a facilitator of the program,
Two years ago, I could not imagine speaking about what I have been though, and today, I am going to help others move forward themselves!!
Just how cool is that?! Funny how things come full circle...
So being part of the program, one of the things that I love is creating a personal portfolio of our experience of learning to be a trauma informed boxing coach.
What do I love? Podcasts! And so I got super excited about creating the interview DURING the learning process of doing Left Write Hook training.
As we all have the lived experience of going through it, the experience is personal, raw, immediate, NOW.
So I bring you the conversation with Daniel, and our shared experience of learning, surviving, and forging ahead:
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We want to be seen, heard, acknowledged - for who we truly *are* - deep, on the inside...
But feeling that you’re being seen does not come about on its own - we have to SHIFT the way we communicate.
And why that is - so people know exactly what you stand for, so people know what you want, so people know:
You really care about THEM.
How do you do that - with kindness, compassion, and not feeling hurt?
For me, I boiled it down to doing five simple things that helps me really CONNECT - instead of wishing things change and get upset in the process…
It’s all in this week’s podcast - hope you can join me:
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Hello, my friend!
I hope that you’re having a phenomenal week, that you woke up refreshed, and you did a few things that had lifted you higher!
It’s important we celebrate moments of good times and fun and fulfillment because life isn’t always like that.
There are times when you’re feeling frustrated, things that don’t go your way, and you’re trying your best, and they don’t always see it…
The most frustrating thing is you reach for the things you can’t influence, change – it feels wrong, and it feels so frustrating – things that people do, say, forget, ignore, or give up on…
I really believe that frustration you feel has to do with the things that you cannot control:
How people see you, what they want, and you worry about events that you cannot predict, cannot choose, cannot change.
So in moving away from frustration, what we need is to come back to self:
What makes you feel creative, excited, alive?
Who brings you joy, a sense of connection, who is someone you trust, and connect with them deeply?
Back to self, and away from frustration!
And I’m here to support you, and help you connecting with JOY:
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In this podcast, I’m sharing three simple ideas on how you can combat frustration with joy – joy in things that you love, things that matter.
I invite you to join me today:
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Hello, my friend!
I hope you’re having a phenomenal week! I hope there were moments of deep and authentic connection – in sharing your true thoughts and feelings, and being there for others, to listen, and hold space, embrace.
And if you do not have the opportunity to spend time with the people you love, I am giving you a great big open hug! Hope you feel it, my friend, and I’m here.
Know this, please - it’s a testament to your drive and energy that you put into staying in touch!
And it only gets harder and harder:
We’re all busy in running our lives, and we’re dealing with our own struggles, and those struggles are often unseen – they can be hard to put into words, even to yourself, let alone share it with others.
There’s one thing I’m grappling with now, and that is the weight of my own expectations.
When I make a video, and pour my heart into it, and then nobody watches, or comments, replies, to be honest, it kind of upsets me.
Yes, I know that it shouldn’t, so I say to myself:
I am trying, I’m doing my best and I’m sharing my truth and being hopeful, I am trying, I’m here!
What is something that leaves you frustrated?
You might not have someone at your side who’s supporting you, urging you on, and it is up to you to speak up with compassion to you, to your self, and to champion you, and your efforts!
It is what you deserve – what you put into practice, for your self, each day!
When you speak to yourself, please then speak to yourself as a friend, as a good friend who is there to offer a kind word, be supportive, encourage, and champion you, and your efforts!
Could you try it, and see it if it’s helpful?
It’s what I’m doing daily, and I would love to hear how it goes!
And if there’s something that you’ve been avoiding in your life, and you’re feeling a tiny bit guilty because you need to do this, I am here to help you – let’s try put aside.
Come and join me this week on the podcast, how to move past avoidance – five things that you can do right away:
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You know that moment when your favorite cup somehow slips through your fingers, and – BANG!
It is on the floor, broken, in a dozen of pieces.
It is always so sudden, a shock – and yet, we move on from it, don’t we?
You might tell yourself off, get upset, but then, you keep going.
But sometimes our very own thought might trigger a much more violent reaction inside of ourselves.
Here’s what I mean:
I am working away on my play – it’s the process I love, it’s the time that I treasure, but this moment, this week, it has somehow gone wrong:
There was something the character said that just didn’t sit right with me, and instead of me trying to fix it, or figure it out, I have let the door open to doubt:
The whole interaction, it just doesn’t work, does it?
Should I cut out the scene? Maybe, more?
I’ve been trying too hard, chopping, changing, and the wheels have off…
As I flick through the script, the whole thing is phony, and all work, all the effort, it’s all down the drain…
And just who the hell are you, fancying yourself a playwright?!
There’s a helplessness, dragging me down, like a weight, and I’m sinking…
I turn in my chair, and look to the outside green. I am taking a deep breathe, breathe in and breathe out.
It is only a thought.
Like the cup that goes splat, just one random event that doesn’t mean anything.
It’s only one thought, one burst of emotion, it doesn’t mean – true!
You – you’re working so hard!
You’re doing your best.
And it may not be pretty, and you may not be perfect, but you are ENOUGH.
You try, you keep going, you never give up!
You’ll figure it out, and you know it.
As soon as you bring in the voice of compassion, that little bit kindness, it
You start feeling calmer.
Less edgy.
Relaxed.
You don’t want to speak to yourself as a thief, an intruder, but speak to yourself as a friend.
A friend who is deserving of kindness.
A friend you know well.
A friend you could hurt, if you wanted – you know the right buttons to push.
You know what to say – because let’s face it, nobody knows you the way that you know yourself.
It takes practice because as survivors, we get so good at speaking down on ourselves.
Berating yourself.
Let’s make it a practice, and turn toward kindness.
Because you deserve it, my friend!
Join me today to bring out more kindness for self:
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Hello, my friend!
I hope you’re having a phenomenal week! I hope there were moments of deep and authentic connection – in sharing your true thoughts and feelings, and being there for others, to listen, and hold space, embrace.
And if you do not have the opportunity to spend time with the people you love, I am giving you a great big open hug! Hope you feel it, my friend, and I’m here.
Know this, please - it’s a testament to your drive and energy that you put into staying in touch!
And it only gets harder and harder:
We’re all busy in running our lives, and we’re dealing with our own struggles, and those struggles are often unseen – they can be hard to put into words, even to yourself, let alone share it with others.
There’s one thing I’m grappling with now, and that is the weight of my own expectations.
When I make a video, and pour my heart into it, and then nobody watches, or comments, replies, to be honest, it kind of upsets me.
Yes, I know that it shouldn’t, so I say to myself:
I am trying, I’m doing my best and I’m sharing my truth and being hopeful, I am trying, I’m here!
What is something that leaves you frustrated?
You might not have someone at your side who’s supporting you, urging you on, and it is up to you to speak up with compassion to you, to your self, and to champion you, and your efforts!
It is what you deserve – what you put into practice, for your self, each day!
When you speak to yourself, please then speak to yourself as a friend, as a good friend who is there to offer a kind word, be supportive, encourage, and champion you, and your efforts!
Could you try it, and see it if it’s helpful?
It’s what I’m doing daily, and I would love to hear how it goes!
And if there’s something that you’ve been avoiding in your life, and you’re feeling a tiny bit guilty because you need to do this, I am here to help you – let’s try put aside.
Come and join me this week on the podcast, how to move past avoidance – five things that you can do right away:
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Once upon a time, in a land much like our own, there was a little girl who lived in the streets.
And it was a good life – the only one that she knew, anyway.
She learned to fish in the small shallow river that ran through the town, and digging out tubers she found in the parks.
She chased about men in their tall fancy hats, asking for change – and some gave her mercy.
You do what you do to get by.
This one time, she followed a man, who kept himself hiding.
It was the end of the alley, and nowhere to turn.
Then he turned to face her, and she found that something was off.
A gaping hole opened in front of his face.
She wanted to run, but there she stood, frozen.
A bit of a blur.
The next thing she knew she was running, and running, through crickety gullies and bottomless pits, and threw herself into bushes.
Away.
The bushes were quiet – the best place to rest.
She woke up surrounded by warm, fuzzy creatures.
They really weren’t tall, but cuddly, like big fuzzy clouds.
They brought her the strange fruit that crumbled like bread – so delicious!
She called the Fluffs.
They built her a hole in the hill – the comfiest place!
It’s where she grew warm.
She liked being around them.
One day, they showed her a tunnel.
It ran into the town – through holes she could look up, see people and streets.
A real fascination!
She always kept watch for the man with the gaping hole, but she never saw him again.
One time, she watched the kids chasing the rainbow, and playing their games.
They asked her – come on, won’t you join us?
She wondered, but only a moment.
And it was such fun – to be running and laughing, and falling, and starting again.
She tried to go back to the funnel, but she couldn't find it.
And it was okay.
She stayed at their school.
They called her “the quiet girl”.
One day, a girl told her that she was a gift, then gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Then everything changed.
Not – everything, but some things can change in an instant.
You may not see it coming, but it comes over, and – whoa!
And I think it’s hope.
It helps – keeps you going.
It lives on, inside you.
And you may not see it, or feel it, or know that it’s there, but believe you me, it’s alive!
For living with hope, tune in to the podcast:
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We know all about markers for physical health - body mass index, heart rate, glucose levels, but what about mental health?
In a culture where mental health is now part of the conversation, we know very little about what we can actually measure on personal level in just such a way that you know that you’re winning.
As I look back at my personal history of grappling with mental health, it’s very clear:
The most impactful change has been befriending my body.
For thirty six years, we lived as if strangers - just sharing the same space, with no interaction, not even acknowledging each another.
And you know what? It sucks!
I saw the body suffer:
It grew tired, so tired from the long days, short nights, from the lack of nutrition and substance abuse.
As the body grew larger, no longer fit clothes, it was always too much - too much sunlight, and noise, loud voices and crowds,
And you know what’s worse?
It was never comfortable with being who it was. That’s what hurt me the most.
But the crux was in dealing with cancer:
Yes, the body got sick, and the process was painful, but the whole experience of recovery it has brought things to light, things that neither of us want to live with.
It’s the time we both knew, and agreed, it was final:
From now on, things would have to be different, and we’d both need to change.
We both started to work on our routines, what we did with our day, started moving, and jogging, even lifting some weights!
Then we started to rest in a way that was restful, and to eat in a way that’s nutritious, and to drink in a way that you don’t have lie about.
We respect each other.
Today, we are friends.
More, we’re partners!
It’s the journey we’re on, and yes, life will always be full of surprises, but we’re hoping to figure it out along the way.
And it feels - right.
Not to have all the answers, not wait, but keep going.
Are you with me?
Let us figure this out together!! Join this week on the podcast on the things we can do about stress:
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Hello, my friend!
Today, I share with you a fascinating conversation with Jason Carbone from Wayne State University who is an expert on stress
and allostatic load, which represents the cumulative wear and tear of long-term exposure to stress.
Allostatic load is the new science on chronic stress and the profound way that it impacts our bodies, our health, and our mind:
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When you are born in this world, you so want to be loved - you are confident in your own ability to love, and to give love in the presence of human who’s opened their heart.
When you’re learning to walk, you keep trying and trying - you are confident in your ability to keep trying, as you see people moving around you.
When you’re learning to talk, you have an urgent need to feel heard - you are confident in your ability to share your true thoughts with people in your life.
In other words, confidence is how capable you feel in the presence of others.
So what gets in the way?
Our own experience telling us otherwise.
Experience that is based on living in hurt, not on moving toward the healing.
So this week, I explore the practical ways to prove yourself confident, capable self who deserves to be happy.
It’s you, you and I, and our confidence does not come from outside, but from a deep source within that allows you to live in your own truth in the presence of others!
Reconnecting with part of yourself that is capable, true, and deserves it:
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The moment you wake, and you’re facing the day, what hope are you taking on with you?
What hope for yourself, for the people you care, the world as you want it to be:
What hope do you wish to hold on to?
This hope might be wondering, distant, or just out of sight - but stay with me, my friend, it’s there!
Hope we can summon, and draw on this hope to sustain us, at the time when you’re needing it most:
When you find yourself at your lowest, when your dream seems to slip through your fingers, when you step out to champion the person who is looking to you for support, inspiration and courage…
Those are times that you reach for hope:
For hope isn’t a task, but a stretch towards life that feels better.
Stretch can often bring pain, but a must in preventing more damage, more hurt in the long run.
So we’re reaching for hope in a time when there’s no hope in sight.
I remember when our little son would point up to the ceiling at night, and repeat, in bold fascination:
“Lights! Lights! Lights! It’s the lights!”
Then he said it the next day, and I got confused - it’s daylight, so why say it now?
Then I thought, he is pointing towards where the lighting should be!
So it is true for hope - it is right here, it lives in your heart, even when you can’t see it.
It’s here, my friend, so please, hold on to the hope, even when you can’t see it, hope that can be different, hope that things can, and do change - for the better!
This week on the podcast, I am talking about the five hopes of the human condition - the hopes we all share for ourselves and each other:
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We all want to be more resilient don't we, but how? Let’s start with one definition of what resilience that you might not have come across earlier:
Resilience is accepting the inevitable challenges of life as situations that you can successfully cope with.
That’s right, my friend - it does not mean you must crush this challenge by the power of your indomitable will!!
Nor does it imply we put up with suffering daily.
It is believing you can cope with the challenges that you’re facing today.
It need not be perfect, or instant, but including this stress, struggle, awful experience in the categories of things you can heal from, and find your own way to move forward.
Here’s what COPE means to me:
Capable - you see yourself as capable of handling difficulty. How do you do that? By journaling about every day challenges of life - each morning, I write down what I have accomplished the previous day. And it’s always the little things that matter - listening to someone who needed it, working on my play and sharing my truth, getting the dinner ready, going for walk… It’s an opportunity to look at life and say: you know what? I am trying, I am giving my best, I can do this! You can, my friend, I believe in you, always 🙌
Open - it’s so vital in the midst of stress to not retreat into yourself, and instead stay open to new experiences, new people, new thoughts. It may go against what we naturally want to do, but it is when you are around new people, when you trying a new food or learning a new skill, it is then that you get to feel life in a profoundly different way, and that opens you up for dealing with struggle in a whole new way. So what can you do, my friend, to be around new people, what can you try that might be a little outside of your day to day, what can you tune into that will help you feel better? I hope it’s my resilience podcast this week for you!
Proud - be proud of who you are and where you’re going. You have lived with struggle and difficulty, even when no one gave you any credit for it, and yet… You stood your ground, you believed, you kept going! Well done, you! Feel that, take that on, it’s you who deserves to feel pride in living your truth.
Enough - so often in times of stress we are feeling a sense of lack that comes from comparing ourselves to other people. It can a tough losing battle to keep up with ideas about people that we create. Because you never know, do you - what is really going on in their life? What are they really struggling with? What truth are they withholding from others, and, most of all, from themselves? Instead, you want to proof to yourself , and only to yourself, that you are ENOUGH. Enough to feel good, enough to keep going, enough to be striving for more. How? By giving the best of yourself each day. Each day, decide - what’s the one thing I’m going to be great at today? And be it, live it, stay true to yourself! It need not be something grand, or something that you will get praise for - no, it’s for your eyes, and your feelings alone. You will have all the proof that you need that you are worthy, deserving, you are ENOUGH.
No matter the struggle you’re facing, please do not face it alone!
I’m here, right here, on this podcast so tune in and feel heard:
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