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Soul Searching: What I learned from trauma and when things blow up in your face
On the 4th of July a firework exploded in my face. Here's an "explosive" story about the terrible accident that resulted in 20 stitches to my lips, lacerations and burns all over my face, chest and arms that left me terrified and temporarily unable to eat, speak or smile.
This video is part Public Service Announcement to beware of fireworks. It's part deeply personal sharing about how faith and gratitude got me through pain. It's part call to action for us all to be open and let people help us through our difficulties and foster meaningful human connection. It's a reminder that things usually end up better then we think and blessings, insight and love can come from suffering. Here's the video as well.
It's also a sincere thank you to all my family, friends, neighbors and colleagues who got me through this adversity and continue to support and uplift me. I'm awed and humbled by the responses my original post got. Connections of connections I don't even know commented with prayers and support. People from all over the world messaged me with encouragement. I discovered how truly connected we all are! Thank you so much for sharing this vulnerable life experience with me. I'm happy to be back at work.
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Soul Searching with Tionka Humphrey: Obstacles Don’t Block the Path, They Become Your Story
We wrap up this pandemic season’s soul searching interviews with a big dose of inspiration to help us develop leadership and resilience.
Tionka gives tools to develop confidence. Her goal to become CFO is rooted in helping others “I want to be a beacon of hope for my community because we don’t see a lot of Black CFOs. How you speak can influence the world. I knew I needed practice to develop that necessary skill.” She knows “practice makes perfect, so I say yes to almost everything.” She recently gave a large presentation at nonprofit Year Up and transformed that nervous energy to be of service to the audience. She shares her pep talk “the audience is rooting for me” instead of “what if I mess up” to overcome fear of public speaking and silence our inner critic.
She shares her philosophy that “obstacles don’t block the path, they become your story” on how she reframed the challenge of an unplanned pregnancy in college and reframed “I can’t” to “how can I?” She also learned that “motherhood and leadership go hand in hand. I enjoy seeing people become what they want to be.”
Let’s use these best practices to be servant leaders too!
Free resources to find joy at work and life
https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel
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Lessons on Leadership from Human Resources, Teachers and Coaches
We can improve success at work and home when we make a stronger connection and apply best practices from all areas of our life.
Here are 3 techniques to help you get results and peak performance from colleagues, customers and children.
Core values: Let’s apply the same best practice that our companies use to create culture and foster empathy at home too. Creating family values appeals to noble motives, develops character and shared meaning.Let’s learn from teachers who dramatize the idea using props, songs, mock trials, and costumes to increase retention. Let’s turn on video in virtual meetings to increase engagement and let’s use visual aids to engage our customers and teams to be more memorable.Coaches know that performance improves with a bit of friendly competition. Let’s copy how youth sports creates camaraderie and winning back at work too. When we include awards, prizes, leader boards, and reward personal bests we get better effort and results.More resources: https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel
What’s your work life connection insight?
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This heartbreaking and heartwarming interview will help you face some of the challenges of leading during a pandemic. Eric shares principles he used from How to Win Friends and Influence People with his 15-year-old to overcome difficulties with remote learning, gain cooperation from teachers, and create peace at home with his spouse.
Try a new approach. It’s easy to fall into old patterns especially when we’re feeling pandemic fatigue ourselves.Avoid the argument by using a calm voice. “Hmm, looks like there are missing assignments.”Don’t say you’re wrong. “Maybe there’s a sync issue?”Give a fine reputation to live up to. “I see you’ve been working hard.” Praise helps people feel less overwhelmed.Ask questions. “Can you reach out to your teacher to see what the misunderstanding is?”Dramatize the idea. “Can you include a screenshot of your completed homework?”Empathize. “Sometimes there’s a stigma about mental health. Pay attention to warning signs like weight loss and kids not playing Xbox with their friends. Take advantage of resources like counseling.”Free resources to find joy at work and life https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel.
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Employee Engagement, Jedi Parenting, Zen Moments & Empathy
Here are 3 techniques to help you improve relationships at work and at home:
1) People support a world they help create. Brainstorming and asking questions to get others to offer solutions makes them feel empowered and they’re more likely to think it’s a good idea if they come up with it. This is a great antidote to apathy and the complaint, “Don’t tell me what to do!”
2) Are you analytical? “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view” is the principle for you! It challenges us to gather additional data to evaluate. By examining the facts of a person or situation, we can use logic to reframe how we interpret it. It helps us understand human nature, gain insight to other people's thinking and behavior, and neutralize our frustration.
3) There’s power in saying “me too, I know how you feel.” The story my client shares in this video shows when we’re sympathetic, we transform our relationships and increase happiness. Let’s foster empathy and inclusion by considering what it’s like to be a kid, an intern, a new employee, and a minority. Let’s remember the challenges of reorgs, exec presentations, and pandemic fatigue.
What’s your favorite?
More resources: https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel
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Turning acquaintances into real friends can be hard in the best of times, much less while social distancing. Creating belonging on teams can challenge even the best of managers, much less while on boarding employees remotely. Turning small talk into meaningful connection can be hard for even the best of conversationalists, much less during this season of isolation. Tasha shares some tips on how she’s been able to thaw the Seattle freeze and help “make friends so when the worlds opens up again we can meet people in a different way.”
Change our mindset: don’t assume people don’t want to talk to you. “I thought people who were higher up then me in the organization didn’t need to hear from me. I’ve learned people appreciate you connecting with them.” Reach out and invite people to come over or go out.Share yourself: “Be comfortable sharing your struggle. We don’t need to show up perfect. Social media can make us think lives need to be filtered and perfected."“Making friends is about making time for other people.”Remember people’s names.“Listen to their story.”Find inspiration you can share with others. Tasha shares how the Navy Seals have inspired her: “when you think you’re done you still have 40% more.”Free resources to find joy at work and life https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel.
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Gaining Cooperation with Fun, Socrates and Venting: Lessons from Family that Apply at Work
Here are 3 techniques to help you gain cooperation from colleagues, customers and children.
Have fun. I’ve interviewed over 10,000 adults from all over the world who shared stories from their childhood. This research revealed memories of joy and play. Let’s apply this best practice to our leadership at work and engage employees with celebrations, gifts, and games.Socrates taught by asking questions to encourage problem solving. Dale Carnegie said, “get others to say yes to win people to your way of thinking.” My clients sometimes ask if this principle might be perceived as manipulative. I share in the video I loved being on the receiving end of this diplomatic principle when my 10-year-old got me to agree to let him quit piano lessons. Let them vent. I’m an educator for The Gottman Institute 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work and encourage clients to leverage his 40 years of research in romantic partnerships at work: understanding must precede advice. Let’s first understand our colleague and customer pain points before we problem solve. We interfere with implementing solutions if we haven’t fully listened and understood their feelings and problems.More resources: https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel
What leadership best practice can you share from work or home?
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Soul Searching with Theresa Francomacaro: Neuroscience and Storytelling Tips
Whether you are selling a product, pitching your ideas, leading a team or interviewing, stories help you communicate clearly. Presentation coach Theresa says, “Think ‘where do I want my audience to go’ and reverse engineer your story accordingly. Have a character that solves a common problem uncommonly well. Research shows we remember 22x better with a story than data alone.”
Here is a framework to craft your story based on how you want to impact your audience based on the 5 neurological responses that stories create in the brain and body:
If your audience feels fear, tell a story on finding clarity to release cortisol so they focus.
Isolation causing loneliness? A happy tale releases dopamine so they feel love.
If they feel longing, instill peace with examples of hope to release serotonin.
Generate empathy with a story on human connection to release oxytocin.
Create action in your audience describing a brave character to produce adrenaline.
Let's tell stories of soul searching in this season of pandemic and virtual work to inspire resilience. Free resources to find joy at work and life https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel. Join Theresa’s upcoming workshop www.whystoryworks.com -
My clients have discovered a paradox with applying these ideas. It seems like weakness to admit mistakes to our employees and kids, but others actually perceive it as strong leadership skills and emotional intelligence that builds trust. Here are 3 quick tips to help you avoid conflict at work and at home.
1) Avoid the argument: Most disagreements are triggered by the angry look on our face, the harsh tone of our voice, bad timing and saying “you should” which makes people feel defensive.
2) Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say “you’re wrong” Different doesn’t mean wrong. There are usually several right ways to do things.
3) If you’re wrong, admit it quickly. Model how to build trust.
Try these and 10 phrases to preserve your sanity and your relationships.
Try these and 10 phrases to preserve your sanity and your relationships.
You’re right
I’m wrong
I haven’t tried it that way before
That’s a different way that works too
You came at this from a different angle
You know yourself best
Can you show me how you did it
You had a good intention
Can you help me understand your perspective
I understood it differently, can we look at it together
More resources: https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel
What leadership best practice can you share from work or home?
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Our guest this week inspires us to cultivate gratitude, resilience, and connection. She shares techniques she’s learned to find purpose and thrive despite challenges.
As a mom of a special needs child she’s discovered the power of mindset: changing “I have to” to “I get to” as a tool to reframe is her top advice. “God had a lot of lessons He wanted to teach me and He brought this nugget of joy, passion and challenges. Just seeing the world in such a different light in his body and brain due to his genetic disorder. That’s the greatest lesson any of us can learn is how we perceive the world.” Daily movement, meditation, healthy habits, and inspiring podcasts also help. She leads us in her favorite powerful 16 second reboot (10:35).
She says finding purpose and a strong community help her stay positive. “Challenges teach me empathy. We have to let our cracks show and let the light show to us so we can give it to others.”
She hopes we all have done soul searching during the pandemic to inspire us: to talk about mental health, be more vulnerable and realize we can do things we didn’t think we could, like work, learn, exercise and connect virtually. Follow Amy @happierhealthierliving and follow me for uplifting content and free resources https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel to find joy at work and life.
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Do you need to be more convincing? Do you want to negotiate effectively? Do you want to ace an interview or make a sale?
Try this communication framework that builds trust:
1) Evidence: Instead of just stating your opinion with “I think” use these 7 forms of data to make a compelling case: Demonstration, Example, Facts, Exhibits, Analogies, Testimonials and Statistics. This helps you tailor the evidence to align to the other person’s influence style.
2) Ask for what you want: “This evidence shows I’ve earned a promotion.”
3) Make them your ally: “Thank you for your support.”
4) Pause. Listen to their rebuttal. Don’t interrupt or show defensive body language.
5) Respond with a cushion to show you see their point of view: “Yes, you make a good case that this wasn’t budgeted for.”
6) Say AND not but to show respect and keep negotiation positive.
7) Use additional evidence “another consideration is” to show business impact.
Comment in the chat on how this process has helped you preserve relationships and be more effective at work and at home.Get free resources https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel Join my free workshop: How to Tell a Story that Influences People
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Our guest this week shares her journey of self-discovery of her talents, passion and insights gained from her job change. How can we overcome imposter syndrome? “You have to change your inner mentor. I saw a lot of transferable skills. Although my entire career has been on the tech side of the house, a lot of the work I do outside by day-to-day job in the professional organization I support qualifies as marketing experience. Ask yourself “what gives me joy on the job? What do I want to learn?” Reframe I’ve never done that to How have I done that?
How do we nail an interview? “Prepare, research, bring ideas. I’m a huge fan of affirmations and power pose to hype myself up. It’s especially important for women to negotiate.”
She also shares insight on social justice, “I remember going to the 25th anniversary of the March on Washington with my dad. Now, 25 years later, we’ve made progress and we have a long way to go. I challenge companies to do a pay equity analysis.”
Her faith helps her mindset “God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.” Her practical wisdom: Grind, execute, hustle.
Follow me for uplifting content and get free resources https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel to find joy at work and life.
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Learn 2 of the top principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. You'll create a more meaningful connection with others so they are inspired to act and think differently. You'll motivate people and teams to perform at their highest level, create a stronger culture, and accomplish shared goals. Try these approaches to be a more effective leader, colleague, mentor, activist and parent.
These principles can help you gain support of social, political and environmental causes to inspire volunteers and donators. These techniques help you connect with people on an emotional level, especially when combined with sharing your personal and authentic experience. You create purpose, foster empathy, and develop community when you focus on the greater good and shared values.
Throw down a challenge.
Appeal to the nobler motives. (2:11)
Get free resources to help you at work and home https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel Join my free workshop: Advancing Women in Business
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Our guest this week takes us on an uplifting journey of how to find joy during challenging times. As she was finding a way to stay healthy during the pandemic, she remembered the delight she had in her childhood from singing and dancing. She recalls a defining moment from her childhood when she won a performance competition “that really changed my life.” She joined with friends from the social group she started to “create my own stage” to let her natural talent and happiness show, watch it here: https://youtu.be/_fOs5QBvZ9M?t=11
Her tips to reframe worrying about what people think:
Lower expectations “if only 2 people liked it, that’s enough.”Stats: On the 1 dislike she received “they’re just jealous and I have 1000 friends who support me.”Lean into purpose “I have a mission to empower everyone around me to grow so I feel more joyful.”Pay attention to what feels fun “I found motivation to create something new.”Have a mantra, hers is “work hard, play hard.”
Follow me for uplifting content https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel and free resources. -
People are naturally thinking “what’s in it for me?” So, when we think about the other person’s point of view and how to solve their problems, we build trust. When we position our request to show them exactly how they will benefit by doing the thing we suggest, we create a win-win.
Try these simple changes:
Stop saying: “I want” “my team needs” “you should” “you need to” “this is due”
Start saying: “so you” “your team will get” “this will help you” “you’ll save time” “the benefit to you is”
This technique motivates managers, employees, customers, vendors and family!
Get free resources to help you at work and home https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel -
Our guest this week takes us on a heartbreaking and heartwarming journey. She opens up about the pain of her sister’s death. “Losing someone during the pandemic, grieving while social distancing, it is so hard. Hugging is part of the healing process.” She shares what she learned at the beginning of the pandemic, from just having started a new role, to taking on the daunting task of acquiring PPE for Microsoft employees and donating supplies to first responders, to supporting her employees. “All of us have had to adapt, our motto was: stay agile.”
She also found strength in aligning her work and personal life: “Everything we had to do to stay connected in our day job also came over to family. Upleveling communication and organizational skills, showing respect, staying connected.” These strengths developed on the job helped her and her family get through the loss of her sister as well as support her elementary school teacher husband and kids with the transition to remote learning.
She said she cured mommy guilt by sharing with her kids the greater purpose of helping others and the joy she finds at work. Her practical wisdom: “Find joy in encouraging the team.”
Follow me for uplifting content https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel and download my free guide to work life satisfaction. -
One way to improve our work life balance is to apply leadership lessons from work and apply them at home. Here are 9 best practices that strengthen relationships with our loved ones, from toddlers to teenagers, and significant others and in-laws. Join my free work life connection workshop on Feb 24 for more ideas to help you improve your work life balance and feel happier https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel These are based on How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Don’t Criticize: 10 phrases to avoid like “you should”Give appreciation and an example like “thanks for being thoughtful, like putting your snow boots on a towel”Motivate kids to cooperate by adding fun with these 5 games like “kind or quiet”Become interested: how 5 minutes together on their hobby can lead to real connectionSmile: how modeling enthusiasm can help your kids make friendsRemembering names of your kids’ friends’ parents leads to belonging and carpool helpListen: learn from my parenting failure of how interrupting led to a fightTalk in their interests and how your ask will benefit them. Try the phrase “so you” to get them to do chores and homework and make safe choices.Make them feel special: create family traditions to make memories and feel close. -
One shift is around our ego. He quotes Journal of Management research that found “humility in CEOS leads to increased collaboration, flexibility and developing strategies.” He also shares a source of confidence “my faith whispers that I am loved and I have potential.”
Improving patterns of relationship, he advises “strategic vulnerability, it endears others to us. And name the emotion versus just showing it. For example, to say ‘I am feeling embarrassed’ instead of ‘I’m feeling attacked’.”
He shares his favorite principle in parenting is don’t criticize and he created a don’t complain challenge with a reward for the kids at the end of the week to help create positive patterns at home.
His practical wisdom “We have to make a choice everyday to grow.”
Follow me for uplifting content https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel and join my free work life connection workshop to learn ways to thrive. -
Our guest this week is an expert on avoiding burnout. She shares practical tips to manage stress and personal wisdom on gaining peace.
“Differentiate between pressure and stress. We aren’t helpless victims.” We can interrupt the process and choose our reaction.Problem focused coping: “We need to be really smart about how we put routines back together. Adding structure, creating a map of the week is calming to our minds to know what’s coming next.”Emotion focused coping mechanisms: “Getting emotional reserve that bolsters our ability to cope and helps us surrender.” She likens this to care instructions we might find on clothes, and reminds us it’s different for each of us so we need to “play and do things just for the joy of doing it.”Meditation and belly bringing, she shares how she does this with her 6-year-old.Develop intuition and listen to those “divine redirects.” Kate shares the soul searching she got from beating cancer: “it was a hard lesson to learn to strive less and appreciate more.”
Her practical wisdom “Nothing that is truly meant for me can ever miss me.” This mantra helps release micromanaging and focus on all we already have.
Follow me for uplifting content https://linktr.ee/nikkikloeppel and join my free work life connection workshop. -
Soul Searching: Work Life Connection and The 5 Love Languages
One way to improve our work life balance and is to align all areas of our life. We can improve our leadership skills, confidence and mindset by applying life lessons from parenting, personal relationships and volunteer roles. https://lnkd.in/gG5YAWx to join my free work life connection workshop to learn how.
For example, an insight I discovered as a volunteer leading marriage preparation weekend retreats with Engaged Encounter, has had a significant impact on my career. “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, describes how people express and receive love and respect through 5 main ways: quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation and physical touch. This framework also helps with parenting. This model is applicable at work to help leaders show respect and build trust and inclusion. It’s especially helpful now, in this season of social distancing, to have a tool to improve relationships and morale.
Practical Wisdom: When we adjust our approach and give people respect in the way they want to receive it, we strengthen our relationship. When we align work and life, we thrive.
How has volunteering helped you develop skills that you've applied at work? Please comment and inspire others.
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