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Making Sense of Anxious Kids
Join Dr. Davin Tan as he delves into why some kids exhibit challenging behaviours and how we can better support them. He discusses:
Misconceptions about "misbehavior" and the importance of understanding root causes.
The "problem of fit" and how demands on children can exceed their coping abilities.
Becoming a behaviour detective using the "ABC" method.
The role of temperament in children's behaviour.
Creating a supportive environment with empathy and understanding.
Long-term strategies to help kids manage their emotions.
For more strategies, check out Dr. Tan's course MAKING SENSE OF ANXIOUS KIDS self paced audio course "www.huddlewisdom.com/makingsenseofanxiouskids"
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A recap of the Meltdown Solution Series.
EBOOK available for download:
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/the-meltdown-solution-ebook
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The STEPs procedure is an excellent, effective and easy method of creating solutions to problems that lead to meltdowns. It does take some practice but it saves you time and energy and helps your children to build up resilience as you go through this process.
The Meltdown Solution EBOOK
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/the-meltdown-solution-ebook
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In this episode, we dive into Chapter 4 of the ebook, exploring how to create a Heatmap of Friction Points. This visual tool helps identify when and where meltdowns are likely to occur, enabling you to address potential triggers and create smoother transitions throughout the day.
Key Points:Creating Your Own Heatmap:
Draw a timeline: Outline your typical day.
Mark meltdown times: Use red dots for frequent meltdowns.
Stressful periods: Mark these with orange dots.
Calm periods: Use green dots to indicate easy times.
Identifying Patterns:
Look for clusters of red/orange dots.
Identify challenging times and activities that lead to stress.
Real-Life Example:
Sarah's Story: Sarah noticed her son had meltdowns around 4 PM. She adjusted her routine by preparing dinner earlier, setting up a quiet activity for her son, and involving him in simple food prep tasks. These changes turned a red spot on her Heatmap into a green one.
Using Your Heatmap:
Identify Patterns: Spot clusters of stress points.
Consider Factors: Think about hunger, fatigue, or overstimulation.
Brainstorm Solutions: Adjust schedules, prepare in advance, create routines, and introduce calming activities.
Implement Gradually: Focus on one or two friction points at a time.
Reassess Regularly: Review and update your Heatmap every few weeks.
Exercise:Pause the podcast to jot down one red spot on your Heatmap and three strategies to address it.
Common Questions:Overwhelming Red Spots: Focus on the most challenging times first.
Unpredictable Days: Look for patterns in activities rather than specific times.
Involving Your Child: Create a Heatmap together or use stickers for younger children.
Partner Disagreements: Create individual Heatmaps and compare notes.
Seeing Improvements: Consistent effort should show changes within weeks, though progress may not always be linear.
Final Thoughts:The Heatmap aims to reduce unnecessary stress, not eliminate all challenges. Frustration is a normal part of child development.
Homework: Create your own Heatmap, track your routine, and focus on one friction point.
Thanks for listening! Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review if you found this episode helpful.Link to the Meltdown Solution eBook : https://www.huddlewisdom.com/the-meltdown-solution-ebook
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In this episode, we delve into Chapter 3 of the The MELTDOWN SOLUTION ebook. The SAVE Protocol. This essential strategy is your go-to for managing meltdowns as they happen. By the end, you'll have a powerful tool to help your child navigate intense emotional moments.
Episode Highlights:Recap of Previous Episode:
Differentiating between tantrums and meltdowns.
Identifying common triggers and early warning signs.
Introduction to the SAVE Protocol:
S: Safety First - Prioritise removing hazards and creating a calm space.
A: Assess and Approach - Evaluate the situation and approach your child calmly.
V: Validate Feelings - Acknowledge and accept your child's emotions.
E: Engage Calmly - Maintain a calm presence and offer comfort or space as needed.
Real-Life Application:
Scenario walkthrough: Applying the SAVE Protocol to a child frustrated with a puzzle.
Practical tips for public settings and when feeling overwhelmed.
Common Challenges and Questions:
Adapting the SAVE Protocol in public.
Managing your own emotions.
Dealing with violent meltdowns.
Patience and consistency in applying the protocol.
The importance of supporting your child through ongoing meltdowns.
Role-Playing Exercise:
Practicing the SAVE Protocol with a playground scenario.
Reflection on how the protocol feels and its effectiveness.
Homework:
Implement the SAVE Protocol during your child's next meltdown.
Reflect on what worked and areas for improvement.
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In this episode of The Meltdown Solution podcast, we explore the first two chapters of the ebook, focusing on what meltdowns really are and how to spot them before they escalate. We differentiate meltdowns from tantrums and dive into the neurological processes behind these intense emotional responses. Learn about common triggers, such as sensory overload and changes in routine, and discover early warning signs to help prevent full meltdowns. Plus, gain practical tips for managing and understanding your child's unique behavior patterns.Click on the link to get your copy of "The Meltdown Solution" ebook for deeper insights and strategies: The Meltdown Solution Ebook.
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This podcast series accompanies the book.
Mental models for parents, teachers, professionals dealing with their children's meltdowns.
For Episode 1 we start with controlling the one thing we can control in the heat of the moment...tune in to find out what this is.
Episode Highlights:
Personal Journey: I share my own experiences as a parent, including a haunting day at the school car park, and why these moments led me to create effective systems for managing meltdowns.
From the Expert: Despite being a child psychiatrist, I admit that parenting expertise comes from practical experience, not just professional training.
Unique Frameworks: Learn about the practical frameworks developed through real-life experiences, designed to help you manage intense emotional moments with your children
Resources Mentioned:
Download the Meltdown Solution Ebook: [Link to ebook]
Watch the Old Video: [Link to video]
Visit the Website: [Link to Huddle Wisdom website]
Thank you for joining me on this journey to transform meltdowns from moments of crisis into opportunities for growth and connection.
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Are you a parent struggling with anxiety? Do you worry about how your anxiety might be affecting your children? In this episode of 'The Huddle Wisdom Podcast' with Dr Davin Tan explores practical strategies for managing parental anxiety. Discover how to identify your triggers, practice mindfulness, communicate effectively, and set healthy boundaries. Learn how taking care of your mental health can create a more positive and nurturing environment for your entire family.
www.huddlewisdom.com/signup
www.huddlewisdom.com/courses
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In the final episode of the Huddle Wisdom Podcast series, Empathic Guidance for Anxious CHildren, Dr. Davin Tan explores the importance of tailoring your approach to your child's mental age rather than their chronological age. Using the factory analogy, Dr. Tan explains how children develop at different rates across various domains and provides practical strategies for supporting them at their actual developmental stage.
Highlights:
Recap of the factory analogy for understanding child anxiety
Differences between mental and chronological age
Story of Emma, a 12-year-old with varied developmental stages
Practical strategies for preschool, primary school, and teenage developmental stages
Identifying your child's mental age through observation and interaction
Introduction to the "developmental gradient" method
Dr. Tan also introduces the Empathic Guidance course, a comprehensive program designed to help parents and caregivers develop a deeper understanding of child psychology and anxiety. The course offers in-depth insights and practical tools to nurture your child's emotional well-being.
Tune in to learn how to adapt your approach to meet your child's changing needs. Thank you for joining us throughout this series!
To learn more about the Empathic GUidance for Anxious Children course
www.huddlewisdom.com/courses
To sign up for our free newsletter: www.huddlewisdom.com/signup
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Join Dr. Davin Tan in this episode of the Huddle Wisdom Podcast to explore the power of encouragement in helping anxious children thrive. Recapping the factory analogy from previous episodes, Dr. Tan highlights the importance of recognizing and reinforcing a child's efforts to build self-confidence and resilience. Learn practical strategies to implement encouragement and help children navigate challenges.
Highlights:
Recap of the factory analogy for understanding child anxiety
Importance of empathy and positive reinforcement
Story of Alex, a young boy overcoming his fear of speaking up
Strategies for recognizing and reinforcing efforts
Emphasizing intrinsic motivation over external rewards
Creating a safe environment for mistakes and learning
Tune in to discover how encouragement can be the steady hand guiding anxious children through challenges. Don't miss the next episode on matching your approach to your child's mental age!
Learn more about the empathic guidance for children course:
www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
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Part 2 of the Empathic Guidance for Anxious Children series; based off the course. Here, we explore how to build strong, empathetic connections with children to help manage anxiety. Using the analogy of a factory, Dr. Tan explains the importance of improving communication between the emotional and rational parts of a child’s mind. Discover the S.A.V.E. protocol and practical strategies for consistent connection.
Highlights:
Recap of the factory analogy for understanding child anxiety
Importance of secure attachment relationships
Story of Sarah, a young patient overcoming panic attacks
Introduction to the S.A.V.E. protocol: See, Acknowledge, Validate, Empathy
Long-term strategies for maintaining consistent connection
Insights on the "good enough" parent concept by Donald Winnicott
Tune in to learn how to become a communication specialist and validation machine for your child. Don't miss the next episode on using encouragement to reinforce behavior!
Learn more here about the course - Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids
www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
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In this episode, which is part 1 of a series based on the course 'Empathic GUidance for Anxious Kids'.
We dive into the complexities of anxiety in children. Discover how anxiety manifests, with examples and statistics from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Dr. Tan shares personal anecdotes and practical strategies, like the "balloon breath" and "worry box" techniques, to help manage anxiety. Tune in for insights on recognizing signs and providing effective support.
Highlights:
Definition and forms of child anxiety
Signs and symptoms to watch for
Real-life example of a young patient, Tommy
Importance of understanding root causes
Strategies like breathing exercises and cognitive-behavioral techniques
Upcoming topics on building empathetic connections
Join us as we support our children through the challenges of anxiety with empathy and practical tools. Don’t miss the next episode on fostering strong, empathetic connections!
Learn more:
www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
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Dr Rucklidge is a world renowned researcher and psychologist. She shares findings from her research in easily digestible pieces and I believe this will give parents and other listeners useful things to think about when working out what to do about nutrition, diet and micronutrients. Her book the better brain is a great resource and I recommend that you read it!
Here's the link to the trial that was mentioned at the end of the episode.
The M&M Trial investigates the efficacy of micronutrients and mindfulness as interventions for children struggling with emotional dysregulation.
https://www.canterbury.ac.nz/research/about-uc-research/research-groups-and-centres/te-puna-toiora-mental-health-and-nutrition-research/The-M-M-Trial
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In this episode of “Parenting with Huddle Wisdom,” we delve into the controversial topic of free-range parenting, exploring its benefits and potential pitfalls, while emphasizing the importance of context and individual circumstances.
We start with the definition and origins of free-range parenting, tracing its roots back to Lenore Skenazy’s 2008 article where she described letting her 9-year-old son take public transit alone.
Next, we examine a case study of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard’s experience in Copenhagen, highlighting how cultural context influences parenting styles.
I provide my insights on safety, appropriateness, and factors like location and age. This includes a light-hearted moment featuring Liam Neeson’s unconventional advice.
We discuss the balance between independence and security, supported by child safety statistics and the perception versus reality. The influence of different cultural contexts and the legal implications in various jurisdictions are also touched upon.
Finally, I offer practical advice for increasing independence and safety skills in children. The goal of parenting is to raise well-adjusted, independent children by balancing individual needs, environmental factors, and community support.
If you have concerns about your child’s development or how to balance safety and independence, reach out to a child psychologist or psychiatrist for guidance.
Stay informed, engaged, and make parenting decisions based on your unique circumstances, prioritizing your children’s mental and emotional well-being.
credit: Film, Taken, Liam Neeson
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Struggling to connect with your anxious child? In this game-changing episode, we reveal 18 powerful questions that will transform your conversations and help your child open up about their anxiety. From understanding physical sensations to identifying triggers, these expertly crafted questions cover every aspect of childhood anxiety.
You'll discover:
• The surprising origin of your child's anxiety (Question #1 is eye-opening!)
• A creative way to visualize anxiety that kids love (Question #6 will amaze you)
• The one question that unveils your child's secret coping strategies (Don't miss #12!)
• How to uncover the hidden impact of anxiety on your child's life (Question #13 is crucial)Plus, we'll share tips on dealing with the dreaded "I don't know" responses and the silent treatment. Whether you're a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this episode is your key to fostering open communication and supporting the anxious child in your life. Don't miss this opportunity to strengthen your relationship and help your child thrive!
Tune in now and transform the way you talk about anxiety with your child!
TO go deeper: Foundations of Connection COURSE
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In the final installment of our three-part series, Dr. Davin Tan tackles the controversial question: Should parents monitor their children’s social media accounts? Join us as we explore the delicate balance between online safety and privacy, and discover practical strategies for navigating this complex issue.
Key Points:
Statistics on Parental Monitoring:
60% of parents check their teen’s social media profiles, while 40% do not.Concerns about online safety, cyberbullying, and exposure to harmful content versus privacy and trust.Research Insights:
Teenagers who believe their parents are monitoring their social media are more likely to engage in online risk behaviors.Open, honest communication between parents and teens reduces risky online behaviors.Practical Solutions for Parents:
Set Clear Guidelines: Establish rules for social media use, including privacy settings and acceptable behavior.Use Monitoring Tools Transparently: Inform your child about monitoring tools and explain the reasons behind their use.Foster Open Communication: Encourage discussions about online experiences and create a safe environment for your child to share concerns.Adjusting Monitoring as Children Grow:
Tailor your approach based on your child’s age and maturity.Gradually reduce monitoring as your child demonstrates responsible online behavior.Regular “Tech Talks”:
Have weekly or monthly discussions about online activities, new apps, and any concerns.Resources Mentioned:
Huddle Wisdom Courses:“Supporting and Guiding Anxious Kids” – Empathic parenting strategies for emotional and behavioral challenges.“Connecting with Anxious, Sensitive, and Neurodiverse Kids” – Enhancing communication skills, fostering empathy, and managing emotions.Conclusion:
Monitor your child’s social media with transparency, respect, and a goal of teaching them to navigate the online world safely and responsibly.Stay informed, stay connected, and adapt your approach as your child grows. -
In this episode of we explore the contentious topic of violent video games and movies and their impact on children. We look at the potential risks and offers practical advice for parents.
Key Points:
Statistics on Violent Media Exposure:
90% of movies, 68% of video games, and 60% of TV shows contain some form of violence.Concerns about increased aggression, desensitization to violence, and emotional distress in children.Research Insights:
Mixed findings on the impact of violent media.Younger children and those with pre-existing emotional or behavioral problems may be more vulnerable.Practical Solutions for Parents:
Monitor Content: Be aware of what your child is watching or playing. Use content ratings as a guide.Set Limits: Manage screen time and restrict access to violent content. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than one to two hours of screen time per day for children over the age of two.Encourage Alternative Activities: Promote non-violent games and activities that foster creativity, problem-solving, and social interaction.Prosocial Video Games:
Games that reward helping and cooperation can increase empathy and decrease aggressive thoughts.Context Matters:
Different types of violent content can have varying impacts. Help children understand and process what they see.Catharsis Theory:
The idea that violent media can serve as a safe outlet for aggression is not widely supported by research.Resources Mentioned:
Huddle Wisdom Courses:“Supporting and Guiding Anxious Kids” – Empathic parenting strategies for emotional and behavioral challenges.“Connecting with Anxious, Sensitive, and Neurodiverse Kids” – Enhancing communication skills, fostering empathy, and managing emotions.Conclusion:
Err on the side of caution with violent media, especially for younger children and those with behavioral issues.Monitor content, set limits, and provide alternatives.Every child is different; tailor your approach to your family’s needs.Next Episode:
The impact of social media on teenage self-esteem.Outro:
Thank you for tuning in. Stay informed and engaged with your children’s media consumption. -
Part 1: Why Your Child Shouldn’t Have a Smartphone Until 16: Shocking Truths Revealed!
Welcome to “Technology and Media with Dr. Davin Tan,” where we delve into the profound impact of modern technology on our lives. In this episode we address a pressing question for many parents: When should children be allowed to have their own smartphones?
Join us as we explore surprising statistics about early smartphone ownership and discuss the potential risks and benefits of these powerful devices for young, developing minds. Dr. Tan shares practical advice for parents, emphasizing the importance of setting clear boundaries, utilizing parental controls, and maintaining open communication with your child.
Tune in to gain valuable insights and make informed decisions about your child’s digital life. Stay involved, provide guidance, and keep the lines of communication open to ensure your child’s well-being in the digital age.
**If your household has not yet considered the principles or there are certain pillars that are not yet built or developed in your space...then I tend to err on the side of caution and say no to smartphones. If you are unsure, I would hold, delay, don't succumb to pressure.
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Today’s episode: “Noodles, Not Sandwiches” – a simple concept to support your anxious child.Did you know? Nearly 1 in 3 adolescents experience an anxiety disorder (National Institute of Mental Health). Supportive parenting can reduce this risk by 46% (Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry).
The Noodle Analogy
Compliment Sandwich vs. Noodle Analogy: Toss out the old “compliment sandwich” and embrace the noodle analogy for flexibility and fun.Noodle Recipe for Parenting Success:Water (Warmth): Create a comforting environment for your child.Noodle (Growth): Help your child grow and become more flexible.Flavor (Empathy): Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings.Spice (Courage): Encourage bravery and use humor to reduce anxiety.Real-Life Applications:
Tantrums: Start with warmth and empathy, use humor, and offer comforting touch.School Stress: Create a calm environment, listen, use gentle humor, and celebrate efforts.Facing Fears: Validate feelings, use humor, encourage bravery, and celebrate courage.Key Takeaway:
Just like noodles need time to become tender, kids need patience and the right support to flourish. Use warmth, empathy, humor, and encouragement to help them transform.Special Treat:
Check out our new ‘Noodles, Not Sandwiches’ merchandise! T-shirts, mugs, and plush noodles available at our Fourthwall store.https://huddlewisdom-shop.fourthwall.com/?source=dashboard
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Discuss the common challenge of whining in children and its impact on family dynamics.
Psychology Behind Whining:Reinforcement Through Response: Parental attention can reinforce whining (85% of cases).Cry for Attention: Whining as a tool for emotional needs; consistent positive attention reduces it by 60%.Emotional Regulation Challenges: Whining as a manifestation of frustration, fatigue, or hunger; emotional regulation skills reduce it by 40%.Effective Strategies to Address Whining:Make Whining Ineffective: Consistently refuse demands made through whining; 75% decrease over six months.Proactive Positive Attention: 15 minutes of undivided attention daily reduces negative behaviors by 50%.Fostering Emotional Expression: Teaching verbal expression of emotions reduces whining by 65%.Handling Meltdowns and Tantrums with Empathy:Key Strategies: Stay calm, validate feelings, offer comfort and reassurance.Impact: Empathetic responses improve emotional regulation skills by 70%.Conclusion: Emphasise the importance of understanding the causes of whining and implementing targeted strategies for a harmonious home environment.FREE tools
www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
[for navigating meltdowns]
www.huddlewisdom.com/connections
[for more effective communication with sensitive kids]
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