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Danina Avery is a Birth & Postpartum Doula, Childbirth Educator, and Breastfeeding Counselor who lives in south Florida. She provides services in the Miami-Dade, Broward, and West Palm Beach counties. Her biggest pursuit as a doula is to educate and instill the confidence in birthing families to be able to make decisions that fit best with their lifestyle. She decided to become a doula after her own birth and postpartum doula created such a difference in her, and her husband's, passage into parenthood. Serving all types of births – in homes, birthing centers, or hospitals, has brought so much fulfillment to her. All births are unique, not only to their location but also to their experience. Danina is always continuing her education, as birth evidence changes and evolves quite often. Her job as a birth worker allows her to provide the support parents and babies need in order to ease the transition into the wonderful life of parenthood.
In this episode we talk about:
Danina's journey from college student, to young mom and doula. How birth can affect your body, sex life, and mental health post-partum Growing up in a family where sex is a taboo topic Myths and pressures of "bouncing back" after having a baby Why every birthing person needs to see a pelvic floor therapist post-partum (and maybe I do too!)Resources:
"To Kegel or Not to Kegel, That is the Question" video by Susan Winograd, P.T http://bit.ly/kegelorno
***
If you’d like to contact Danina Avery, you can do so on:
Website: https://midsummersevedoulaservices.com/
Instagram: @Midsummers_Eve_Doula
Facebook: Midsummer's Eve DoulaCheck out my website for more
http://www.meagannarvaez.comBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Tylia Flores is a 24-year-old born with cerebral palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it has never affected her will and determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many life challenges and obstacles, she discovered her passion for writing. Tylia’s goal in life is to share her stories with the world. In doing so, she hopes to help others with disabilities realize that they, too, have the potential to make their dreams come true.
This episode was previously published on 2/22/2020
***
Get in touch with Tylia:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stomping_on_cp_with_tylia/
Website: https://www.tyliaflores.com/Become an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
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Eksik bölüm mü var?
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Kink/BDSM comes with a mix of taboo and curiosity. For those passionate about kink and are involved in the community, we see the ways that participating in kink is healing work. In this episode, I talk to Shanae “HonestlyNae” Adams (she/they) about her work as a Professional Domme, and the ways the experience has been transformative for them and their clients. For those with melanated skin, like Shanae, finding welcoming spaces can be a challenge, but it doesn’t stop her from entering those spaces and taking up the space she and her Black peers deserve to be included in. Shanae is also a therapist. We talk about the phenomenal ways therapy and professional dominating are similar, including boundaries, providing safety, and healing.
In this episode, we also talk about:
- Ethics of doing both Professional Domming and Therapy
- Navigating new spaces as a Black kinkster
- Kink shaming in the therapy field
- The world is on fire, literally and metaphorically, and not having the answers for how to navigate it
Shanae "HonestlyNae" Adams (she/they) is a Black therapist and Domme currently living in Denver, CO. Shanae serves their community in other ways including as an educator and sex-positive enthusiast. Their passion revolves around the liberation of embracing sexuality and are known for my dynamic workshops, sex-positive mindset, and eliminating the "taboo" surrounding sex and sexuality.
***
If you’d like to contact Shanae Adams, you can do so on:
Website: HonestlyNae.com
Instagram: @HonestlyNae
Therapy Website: M.A.I. Therapeutic Services
Instagram: @MAItherapyservicesCheck out my website for more
http://www.meagannarvaez.comBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Liam and her wife, Carrie, have been trying to have a baby for about a year. In the beginning, there was a romanticized feeling about what it would be like to conceive. The experience was intimate, sensual, and brought the couple closer together. Month after month of unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant shifted the experience from joy to misery. As the one who would be pregnant, Liam never anticipated the dysphoria, dissociation, and trauma of having to put sperm, or “the material”, inside her body. She and her wife also didn’t anticipate the emotional toll it would take on their relationship. They both grieved each failed attempt together, but differently. With the support of a couple’s therapist, Liam and her wife were able to take a moment to reevaluate themselves and their relationship values. This has helped them let go of expectations and understand that no matter what happens in the future, their love for each other matters most.
Liam Martz is a 29-year-old white, queer, femme lesbian. She is a certified birth, postpartum, and full-spectrum doula and childbirth educator. Liam has a background as a sexual health educator, a certified medical assistant, a state reproductive policy activist, and a project leader for inclusive medical facilities.
***
If you’d like to contact Liam, you can do so on:
Website: https://www.breadandrosesdoula.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doulaxliam/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/breadandrosesdoulaBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaezFollow me on social media:
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meagan.therapist/ -
Roberta Garcia is a trans-female born in the South and now lives in Seattle. Growing up, she knew she was different, but didn’t have the language for why. Her family told her to stop acting and sounding feminine *insert limp wrist here*. When she was a teenager, still living as a male, Roberta was raped by a male. This period began her chronic battle with alcoholism, which became so severe that Roberta needed a liver transplant –– almost losing her life.
Roberta, fortunately, had a supporting, loving, accepting wife in Debra. As Roberta began to understand that she was actually bisexual and trans, Debra was there for her every step of the way. Unfortunately, Debra was also battling for her life, with her own health issues. Since Debra’s death, Roberta has experienced survivor’s guilt. Each day she continues to explore herself within her gender and sexuality through therapy, kink, polyamory, and geekiness.
(Original episode published 2/29/2020)
***
If you would like to get in touch with Roberta, you can message her via:
Instagram @ms._bobbi_ https://www.instagram.com/ms._bobbi_/
FetLife: @wasubi https://fetlife.com/users/2724854Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meagan.therapist
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show! https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support -
Windy (she/they pronouns) is a 29-year-old self-liberator advocate and pleasure activist. She identifies as Afro Caribbean/Haitian and pansexual.
In this episode, Windy takes us on her journey to pleasure starting from when she began to question the sexual expression and education she learned in Haiti. Haiti, formally a French colony, still sees sexuality from a colonized perspective aka the way the French did. Windy recognizes how her culture sees sexuality is disconnected and has been lost through time, but that hasn’t stopped her from wanting to find what sexuality means to her.
In 2020, Windy was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri, a chronic illness that is like having a tumor in the brain that’s not actually there. While receiving medical care, Windy also contracted and overcame COVID-19. Throughout the grief, fear, and pain, Windy has used her desire to focus on pleasure to help her cope.
Windy's mission is to decolonize her sexuality, use pleasure to heal, and help others do the same.
Also discussed in this episode:
- decolonized sexuality
- colorism and anti-Blackness
- losing pleasure in a relationship
- rediscovering one's pleasure after a relationship
- fear of the medical system for Black people
- chronic pain and illness
- the pleasure in setting boundaries
***
If you’d like to contact Windy you can do so on:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexedliberator/Become an Exclusive Patron of the show!
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaezFollow me on social media:
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meagan.therapist/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeagan -
Lindsey Graves is a San Diego based Registered Nurse, Yoga teacher, and plant lady. She has also been sober from alcohol, or as she calls it, free of spirits, since 12/18/18.
In the episode, Lindsey shares her journey to a Free Spirited life and the self-growth she has made in an alcohol-free mindset. Lindsey now has room to focus on her creativity, yoga practice, feminine energy, and self-esteem. Lindsey feels sexier and more present in her sex life now than she did while drinking.
In this episode, we talk about the difference between substance sex and sober sex, breakups, healing, and how pets and plants help us move through our grief process.
***
If you’d like to contact Lindsey, you can do so on:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freeofspirits_/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soultry_yoga/Become an Exclusive Patron of the show!
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaezFollow me on social media:
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meagan.therapist/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/meagan.lmhc
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/meagan_lmhc -
Damien Edwards is a cis-male, gay African American. He is also a Texas native and the eldest of three kids. Growing up in Mansfield, Texas, a town with a history of being prejudiced and racist, he didn’t always feel like he had the freedom to be his authentic self. Through the years, Damien spent his time discovering who he wanted to be and what groups he fit into. Years of being questioned and ridiculed for things he could not change made him self-conscious. Damien is also a people pleaser and loves to help people in need. This, combined with other personality traits, can sometimes make him feel lost in a group even when it’s filled with people he loves and cares about.
Today, Damien works at a corporate office for an oil and gas company and runs a business with his boyfriend. He continues to try to better himself by always rising above any adversity he faces.
In this episode we talk about:
Identity issues and insecurities Microagressions Sex Substance use Mental health Abandonment issues Beating identity statistics Self-worth Seeking therapyFor those interested in finding a therapist and want a place to start, try:
Me (WA residents only): https://www.fullcirclecounselinggroup.com/meagan-narvaez
Open Path Psychotherapy Collective: https://openpathcollective.org/
Inclusive Therapists: https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/
Glimmer: https://weglimmer.com/
Coronavirus online therapy: https://www.coronavirusonlinetherapy.org***
If you’d like to contact Damien, you can do via:
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/damien_1023/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/damien.edwards.5Shop his clothing business run by him and his boyfriend, Kurtis Zolman: https://kaizfashion.com/
Become an Exclusive Patron of the show!
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaezFollow me on social media:
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meagan.therapist/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeagan -
Communication is key to having pleasurable sex. Not just what your turn-ons and turn-offs are, but also what are your hurts, your physical limitations, and when it’s time to pause because you’re getting triggered.
In this episode, host, Meagan Narvaez, talks about best practice communication through each stage of sex: before, during, and after.
Mentioned in the show is Dr. Lindsey Doe of Sexplanations:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYxd3E3UXUPineapple Support:
https://pineapplesupport.org/***
Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Intsagram: https://www.instagram.com/meagan.therapist/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Josephe "Pop" Buchanan is an American artist, author, activist, and podcaster. He is all about positivity and spreads the message of God, love, and sobriety. He was raised in Brooklyn and lost his father, Raymond "Rocky" Buchanan when he was only 13. This great loss has been the fuel behind Pop's passion.
The artist battled with alcohol addiction from the age of 27-33 and that addiction turned his life upside down, professionally, and personally. However, since 2012, he has gone through a major renaissance and is now helping others by sharing his story of sobriety, health transformation, and survival. Pop is an advocate against addiction, diabetes, and hatred. POP Buchanan took his passion for sobriety, health, and recovery and started the Sober is Dope Podcast, and Sober is Dope Transformation School. POP has helped 1000’s of people find recovery and has been a leading force in the Addiction and Recovery movement. Pop's favorite motto is, "It's never too late to be amazing."
***
If you’d like to contact POP Buchanan, you can do so on:
Podcast: Sober is Dope Podcast
Sober is Dope IG: @SoberIsDope
Sober is Dope website: https://soberisdope.net/
Personal FB: https://www.facebook.com/alphapendragon
Personal Instagram: @POPBuchanan
Personal Website: https://www.popbuchanan.net/
Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Hey all,
This is a solo episode again. This is an episode that comes from the anger, sadness, exhaustion of the violence toward Black people that has escalated. And in that sprinkled wit hope that we can all find pleasure in radical resistance to the harm being caused.
At the end, there is also an announcement. The Sex & Podcast will be taking a 6-week break. The plan is to prepare for Season 1 Part 2 and keep going with another 20 episodes.
Make sure to subscribe to get a notification when the podcast is back, and follow me on social media to get more content. :)
Love you all. Thank you for your support.
***
Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Liz Goh is a 40-year-old, Chinese-Singaporean, female (she/her). She identifies as heteroflexible.
Liz’s personal goal is the continual education of sex-positivity in Asia, namely in Hong Kong and Singapore, where she spends most of her time normalizing sex conversations, through online forums and in-person workshop/discussion facilitation. Liz noticed a lack of online English language resources for sex education, sex positivity and sex/relationship coaches in Hong Kong, which lead Liz to start Sex Geekdom Hong Kong (a chapter of Sex Geekdom International).
In Liz’s personal life, she struggles with insecurity and self-inferiority. This often brings up feelings of anxiety, but being a regular yoga practitioner has helped her to center herself. Liz attributes some of this way of thinking from growing up in Singapore, a relatively conservative and restrictive environment to sexuality in its social norms and politics. As a way to heal and move forward, Liz sought the support of a Sexologist. Through working with her coach, Liz also uses meditation and breathwork as additional tools for self-reflection.
***
If you’d like to contact Liz, you can do so on:
Facebook: @Elizabeth.goh.12
Personal Instagram: @elizabeth.goh
FB group: Sex Geekdom Hong KongFollow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
CW: bullying, sexual assault, suicide ideation
Citra Benazir, 24, Jakarta, Indonesia — founder of Tis The Lyfe, a safe space for all volunteers and author of Pleasure Girls. Citra has a background in Diplomacy and International Relations, yet her passion is to voice and empower those who've lost theirs along the way. Currently, she likes to channel her view on Pleasure Activism, talking about the difficult things, ending stigmas, and shining a light on topics often hidden. Empowering others to speak up is her main focus.
***
If you’d like to contact Citra, you can do so on:
Instagram: @thearticbenazir
Instagram: @pleasuregirls_
Medium.com/@thearticbenazirFollow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
On this week’s episode, I explore 5 ways you can boost your sexual self-esteem. The answers might surprise you.
Look at yourself, nude, in the mirror. Say out loud one thing you love about your body each day. Using a mirror, look yourself in the eye and tell yourself “I love myself.” The more you do it, the more you wholeheartedly believe it. Maturbate. BONUS: scream your name while you cum Drink water Find pleasure in everything you doEnjoy!
***
Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
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Friday Elliott is a 33-year-old pansexual, Chicana/White cis-gender female (she/her).
CW: This episode discusses eating disorders, rape, domestic violence, alcohol abuse
Friday says she always felt a desperate need to please and to take care of others. This has led her to attach herself to people who feel too comfortable putting the burden of their own emotional work on others and refusing to take responsibility for themselves. She has a history of enabling that behavior and of conflating spinelessness with compassion.
This has led Friday to a series of unhealthy and often violent relationships. Almost 19 years old and pregnant, the father of her child became abusive, emotionally, and physically. She fled the relationship by dissociating when she needed to, and by seeking safety in two supportive co-workers. In the following relationships she experienced, Friday's dissociation became worse. She became the character she absorbed in literature and media for long periods, sometimes forgetting her child existed.
While working in the restaurant industry, Friday was involved in the restaurant culture of heavy drinking and drug use. This time in her life was marked by unfulfilling sexual encounters, typically leaving her feeling worse.
Since these times, Friday has been alcohol-free for a bit over a year. She attributes this growth with the help of her support systems, therapy, and tea. Friday is learning bit by bit to create boundaries with other people and learning to enjoy saying no. She's also stopped letting people tell her that she feels too strongly or has too much sexual interest.
Throughout her life experiences, Sacred Sexuality has always been key to her personal self-love and confidence. By shedding shame around being "too much," Friday has been able to prune unhealthy connections from her life. Instead, she's surrounding herself with mutually loving and respectful relationships.
***
If you'd like to contact Friday, you can do so on:
Twitter: @fridayelliott
Instagram: @friday.at.home
Professional Teashop Website: www.fridaytea.com
Personal: www.fridayelliott.com (essays and original works on the topics of death and fiction)Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
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Jada Stinnett is a 22-year-old non-binary queer person, using she/her and they/them pronouns. She identifies as Black, Afro latinx, and Puerto Rican, using them interchangeably. Jada is a Senior at a university in Las Vegas, Majoring in Mechanical/Aerospace Engineering. She is also polyamorous.
In this episode, Jada and I talk about:
her experience growing up queer in her family gender dysphoria around getting a period the polyamorous dating scene in Las Vegas how she introduced her new partner, who was unfamiliar to polyamory, to an already existing relationship partner. how she makes her long-distance relationships work, even before COVID-19 how putting on makeup is an act of self-care and self-love and how stress can take that away when she is feeling the pressure to succeed as the first one in her family to go to college.***
If you’d like to contact Jada, you can do so on:
Instagram: @whatwouldjadado https://www.instagram.com/whatwouldjadado/Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Yannil Gonzalez (she/her) is a 32-year-old Afro-Latina woman born and raised in New York City during the crack\cocaine epidemic of the late 80s. Subsequently, these conditions led to her being cocaine-addicted at birth and placed into the foster care system.
By the age of 3, she was adopted, and favorable circumstances would enable her to blossom. Although her upbringing wasn’t conventional, these very factors would serve as guiding principles as she matured. Using those experiences, Yannil intends on becoming a mouthpiece for other fostered/adopted people throughout America. She eventually plans on providing a space where people with similar stories are represented in a positive light. To do so, Yannil has painstakingly committed to her purpose, strategically positioning herself and earning a role in overseeing professional development for one of the most prominent law firms in the country.
Catch her sharing her life, her truth, and her story at an open mic in a borough near you.
***
If you would like to get in touch with Yannil, you can contact her at:
Instagram: @just_yannil https://www.instagram.com/just_yannil/
Email: [email protected]Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Monique Farook (she/her), the host of the Infertility and Me podcast, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in the Spring of 2016, in preparation for IVF. A year before getting the diagnosis, she noticed a decline in sexual desire and libido. She assumed it was because of stress from her career and working long hours. She had no idea until further researching the condition of how hypothyroidism affects reproductive sexual health and fertility.
***
If you would like to get in touch with Monique, you can contact her at:
Email: [email protected]
Website/Podcast: http://www.infertilityandmepodcast.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infertilityandme_Follow me on social media:
Website: https://www.meagannarvaez.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexcoachmeagan/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/sexcoachmeaganBecome an Exclusive Patron of the show!
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sexand/support
https://www.patreon.com/meagannarvaez -
Shiggy Shezaire is a 28-year-old, queer, pansexual, black Caribbean person using she/they/he pronouns, depending on the circumstance and person.
CW: This episode talks about suicide ideation and the death of a family member.
This is Shiggy’s writing of her bio: I grew up always having a weird relationship with my gender. Sexual orientation was always a lot easier for me to pinpoint and identify. As I got older, it was very easy for me to say that I was bi, then pan, then queer in my orientation because it remained a constant that I was attracted to anyone that caught my attention. But it was more difficult to explain the detachment/ ambivalence I felt towards my own gender. As it currently stands, I have no real opinion on my own gender. Right now, most people will assume I'm a cis-female; sure, if you say so. A few years ago, I would have been perceived as a transmale; also true, also not quite right. Internally I feel that my gender is just existing to be performed in any iteration that I feel is appropriate.
It was hard to explain as a kid (especially in a binarist understanding) that, while I didn't outright reject being a girl, being a girl was not all right for me. Yet I felt that being a boy was not mine to claim either. I remember as a kid trying to use my sexuality to explain my gender, saying specifically, "there's a girl in me that's straight cuz she likes boys, but there's also a boy in me that likes boys and sometimes girls". There's a lot to unpack there, but the short story is at that time I was trying really hard to push away from being perceived as a *girl* and it was easier to describe myself as some odd 3/4 bi-boy, 1/4 straight girl because in my mind a *gay girl* was too much *girl*. The funny thing is that I was always comfortable with myself. When I didn't have to explain or describe myself, I was happiest. Even in queer settings where I feel the most understood and at home, there's still a pressure to categorize and identify that never sat right with me.
Identifying as trans, then as genderfluid, still gave me a definition that was too solid, too codifying. That's why I settle on queer in all its vagueness. Now, in 2012, I was baker-acted (involuntarily hospitalized) because I had a meltdown in front of the wrong people. My mom believed, rightly, that I was overwhelmed by school. And she believed, wrongly, that I was overwhelmed by having a trans girlfriend who "convinced" me that I was trans too. The truth of the matter is that I was just overwhelmed. Looking back on my entire life, I can see that I live as a pressure cooker: slowly boiling but compressing everything until I can't. When I do finally explode, it may be due to a single or few contributing triggers, but in reality, I'm just a really anxious person who's really good at bottling up all my day to day anxieties until I'm not. I'm still in the process of learning how to manage and process the parts of my brain that don't cooperate. But being hospitalized opened my eyes to the immense pressure that I put myself under, my general nervousness, and the comfortable traps of depressive thoughts. I've been diagnosed with OCD, panic disorders, GAD, major depression, etc. And in all honesty, for me, it's been harder to "come out" as mentally ill than as queer.
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Brean’a Parker is a Black womxn, a nationally certified counselor, and a 4th-year doctoral student, obtaining her doctoral degree in Counselor Education and Supervision in May. Brean’a’s research and clinical practice area are Black women and women of colors’ experience of interpersonal violence; Social Justice Counselor Education based curriculum, and Narratives and Storytelling as gateways to understanding the lived realities of individuals at the margins of the margins.
In this episode, Brean’a talks about how womxn who experience domestic violence are coping with staying at home and having to social distance. We also reflect on how much privilege impacts one’s experience during the COVID-19 pandemic. Breana also talks about why it’s vital to focus on oneself and find new ways to receive pleasure, despite what’s happening in the world.
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If you would like to get in touch with Brean’a Parker, you can contact her via:
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