Drew Podcasts
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Yes, I know this is a funny title. What is this edition of The Anxious Morning about? Why, Drew? WHY????
You know that thing where you break up with your partner because no matter how hard you try and no matter how many times you beg, plead, reason, or argue, things are just not working out? You want it work out. You really do, but in the end you have to end the relationship because it’s never going to be what you hoped it would be.
We’ve all been there. It sucks. Reality is super inconvenient and does not care about our feelings.
Now imagine that you work through all the pain and the heartache and make all the adjustments that come along with a breakup. You do the hard work. You’re finally getting over it and moving forward with your life. Excellent! Then one day out of the blue you get a letter from your ex. WTF? What is this all about?
According to the letter, your ex has changed. Lessons have been learned. Growth has happened. They’re better now. They love you. They want you back. You have a three page handwritten letter in your hand designed to convince you that THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT!
You know you should throw away the letter and never think about it ever again. Keep walking. Keep moving forward. Move on. But … reason is sometimes no match for emotion so you send a text and next thing you know the relationship is back in full swing and you are believing that this time it really is different.
Until it’s not.
Two weeks later you’re hurt, frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned, and kicking yourself for ever believing a word of that letter. Now you have to process the breakup again. More emotional heavily lifting now complicated by the fact that you are judging yourself really harshly for falling for the lies again. Raise your hand if you’ve been here before. Many of us have.
Nice story, but what’s the point, Drew?
What else rolls in on you when you think it’s over, dumps a metric ton of words and thoughts on you to convince you that THIS TIME is different and special, then leaves you wondering why you followed along and got fooled AGAIN?
Think about it. I bet you know the answer.
Next time you get a letter from your ex, acknowledge that they are super charming and very convincing. Acknowledge that you are drawn on an emotional level to believe every word and open that dialogue with them again. Allow yourself to be human and feel that natural pull. Recognize the PROCESS.
Then stop. Be still. Allow all those emotions and feelings and desires to be there. Breathe. Make a little space for yourself to operate in. You can do that.
Then take that letter from your ex, with all its marvelously persuasive language … and burn it.
The rest of your day might be kinda tough once you do, but you’ll likely feel stronger, prouder, more capable, and even a bit more confident tomorrow.
Sorry, ex. Not today.
I’m currently reading Love Notes from the Hollow Tree by Jarod K Anderson. It’s the second poetry/prose compilation from this author, and I’m enjoying his thoughts as much in this book as I did in the first. Oh, and I’m reading it with someone very special. You know who you are.
Every Tuesday I’ll let you know what I’m currently reading. I read quite a bit on psychology and philosophy, but really you never know what I’ll have in my Kindle or Audible libraries! If you’re on Goodreads and into books, you can follow/friend me over there. Here’s a link to my “currently reading” shelf. I’d love to see what you’re reading and what you recommend.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com -
This is one of those things that comes up fairly regularly in our community. I recognize that no matter how often I try to clarify my role in your recovery, some responsibility does come from being a mental health content creator so I have to take a few hundred words on a Monday morning to address it.
At least a few times every week someone asks me to validate or approve of something they’ve been told by their therapist or counselor.
Sometimes even a therapist that specializes in anxiety disorders might say something that sounds like a contradiction that doesn’t fit the “Drew method” (I CRINGE even writing that). This can happen. I’m not a licensed therapist yet, but I feel comfortable saying that therapists are also human and there is no flowchart that all therapists follow when treating anxiety disorders. It’s not a paint-by-numbers thing so different situations are subject to interpretation and context always matters. This means that sometimes I might say something that seems to contradict your therapist, or your therapist might seem to be contradicting me.
In most cases when context and individual circumstances are looked at, that contradiction makes perfect sense and there’s a perfectly good reason for it. In other instances, more careful examination reveals that there really is no contradiction. Just different words or framing techniques. That’s pretty common. But in every case, the safe, smart move is to prioritize your therapist over me. Your therapist knows you, your individual situation, your history, and the nuances of your case. I am just a guy that writes books and says stuff online. So if you are working with an anxiety disorder specialist and ask me to validate or “check” something that therapist says to you, I really can’t do that. I can’t virtually butt heads with your therapist from an ethical standpoint.
Now let’s look at a different situation. One in which you are working with a therapist, counselor, coach, or some other helper that has no connection at all to a cognitive behavioral approach to anxiety disorders. If you are hoping that a gentler approach to your anxiety will work for you, and you choose a therapist that will be more gentle with you, that is entirely your right and I support that right. You get to decide what is best for you and I do not get judge you for doing so. But if you make this choice then ask me to validate the mode of treatment, you will get radio silence from me. Why? Because I will not invalidate your right to autonomy in your mental health choices and I cannot be some guy on the Internet that argues virtually with the clinician you’ve chosen. That’s not cool at all, and maybe there are other issues at play that I don’t know about so I can’t have an intelligent opinion anyway.
Blanket statement: If you’d heard even a few of my words you likely know that I do not think that running home to soothe when anxious is a good idea so please do not ask me to “give the OK” for you to get better that way.
You have my unconditional OK to make any choice you want to make. That I can totally and happily give you.
Of course, if you want to fire your therapist because they are simply not helping you for some reason and you ask me if that’s OK, I’m going to tell you that its always OK. You can fire your therapist any time for any reason because … autonomy. You can also unsubscribe to The Anxious Morning and stop listening to The Anxious Truth podcast at any time and if you thought that was the best move for you I would cheer for you. Odds are your therapist would do the same even as you fire them.
You always have options. You can always make changes. The people you look to for help and support should help you navigate through those options and changes, not dictate them for you. That includes me.
Hey it’s Monday and that means that today at 2 PM Eastern I’ll do my “Recovery Monday” livestream on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Come join in!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com -
If you know my work, you’ve heard me say at least a few dozen times that no anxiety symptom is special, no matter how scary it might be for you. Sometimes people get really angry when I say this, so let me explain why I say it and why it’s important.
Recovery isn’t random. We don’t just try things, hope to get better, and magically get better. The things you hear me talk about all have a basis in theory that’s been studied and refined over many decades. There is truly a method to this madness.
When you work hard to “overcome” a specific symptom by directly addressing that symptom in some special way, you often wind up declaring failure and disaster when you experience another symptom. We see it all the time in the community. This is because tailoring your efforts specifically toward a given symptom kinda misses the the principles of recovery. We don’t learn how to overcome DP or dizziness. We learn how to build a new relationship with discomfort and fear, regardless of the form it takes.
When we learn to read and write, we learn and practice the elements of language. We start to recognize context and meaning. We learn general rules and use heuristics to gain an understanding of the nature of language, then we apply those as we expand our vocabulary and improve our skills.
Imagine if we had to learn every word without having this system to rely on? Imagine declaring that you can no longer speak because you’ve just discovered a word that’s new to you? Imagine running back to your 2nd grade teacher to be taught that word before being able to continue your life?
That would be a very difficult way to live. It’s also a very difficult way to recover, but if you are hoping to find a way to specifically “overcome” your scary symptom of the week, this is what you’re trying to do.
If you are convinced that you must learn to manage your breathing or your heartbeat to get better, you are going to build a very tenuous and somewhat fragile recovery. The minute you experience a new sensation related to anxiety, you will throw your hands in the air and declare that now you must start over. Figuratively speaking, you’ll have to keep running back to your 2nd grade teacher for instructions.
This is why I say that we must treat every symptom the same. In the end, they are. Virtually every recovered person will attest to this after the fact. We learn the principles of recovery, then we apply them across contexts and across symptoms. When we do this, we learn that even that scary symptom that you are sure is “special” … isn’t.
Tomorrow we’ll look at how doctors and getting medically checked out fits into the recovery process.
I’m currently reading Educated, by Tara Westover. Its a memior. Not something I would usually read. It was suggested by a friend and I’m finding it nice departure from textbooks and and psychology stuff.
Sometimes on Tuesday I’ll let you know what I’m currently reading. I read quite a bit on psychology and philosophy, but really you never know what I’ll have in my Kindle or Audible libraries! If you’re on Goodreads and into books, you can follow/friend me over there. Here’s a link to my “currently reading” shelf. I’d love to see what you’re reading and what you recommend.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com -
Vi tar oss an “fail fast”-konceptet från en ny vinkel: nämligen “sunk cost fallacy”. Ni kanske har hört uttrycket förr och då, antar vi, i investeringssammanhang.
Vi dissekerar begreppet och ser hur det faktiskt är brilliant för att att beskriva situationer då team investerar orimligt mycket tid och pengar för att man är oförmögen att släppa en dålig idé.
Självklart är det kritiskt att agila team får testa dåliga ideér: hur skulle vi annars veta att de är dåliga? Dåliga idéer och misslyckanden producerar positiva resultat så som mer kunskap i en organisation.
Den viktiga skillen dock, och vi säger inte att det är lätt, är att veta när det inte fungerar och att det är dags att släppa idén. ÄVEN fast man plöjt ner mycket tid, kraft eller pengar. Därför behöver vi lära oss att misslyckas snabbt.Självklart är vi inte sämre än Aftonbladets “3 tips för att komma i form” så vi ger er 4(!) idéer på hur ni kan unvika sunk cost fallacy.
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English below. Be sure to check out our other interviews in English. We got: Rachel Halder, Sarah Coakley, Graham Ward, J. Denny Weaver, Stanley Hauerwas, Shane Claiborne, Nekeisha Alyana Alexis, Bolortuya Damdinjav, Naw Htoo Htoo and Nancey Murphy.
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"Anablacktivism", ett val mellan Jesus B. eller Jesus K., och "God damn America"...eller?
Med oss är Drew G.I. Hart amerikansk teolog som utforskar utrymmet mellan anabaptism och svart teologi. Vi pratar om hans senaste bok Who Will Be a Witness? där han funderar kring hur kyrkan kan vara en aktör för social rättvisa. Men han synar även den amerikanska historiens, och västerländsk kristendoms, förhållande till sin svarta befolkning och gör upp med berättelser om exceptionalism.
Johan Bruneskog kliver in i för- och eftersnacksrollen och gillar inte räkneexempel. Anton pratar om självmord och dödshjälp.
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"Anablacktivism", the choice between Jesus B. or Jesus C. and "God Damn America"... or does God?
Drew G.I. Hart joins us. Drew is a theologian who explores the intersection between anabaptism and Black theology. We talk about his latest book Who Will Be a Witness? where he invites us to thinks about how the church can be an agent for social justice, but he also invites us to have a closer look at Western Christianity's and America's treatment of it's black populance, and take a stand against stories of exceptionalism.
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