Episodi
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“Let this be your permission to go inwards and listen to the answers that are already within you.”
Why Allison is taking a pause on recording new episodesThe passage that inspired this changeThe balance between “doing” and “being”Reflection questions for you
— Allison Villa
Hello dear friends - some bittersweet news to share…
This will be the final episode of the Couplehood podcast. (I may return once again or re-direct my energy into other projects...we shall see!)
After much reflection, I’ve decided to take a pause on many aspects of my work life.
In this episode, I share why I’ve come to this decision, the passage that inspired me to go inwards, as well as some reflection questions to help you reflect on your own journey.
Over the past 20 months, my work as a psychotherapist has given me great purpose. Supporting my clients through mental health challenges has been a great privilege.
On a personal level, this past year and a half has brought a lot of personal change. Our family moved from Toronto, where we lived for 20 years, and are now living 2 hours north, in the countryside. The home that we’ve been building for the past year, will be ready for us to move into in January. I want to be intentional with finding our flow as a family in this new space.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
Thank you for being on this Couplehood journey with me! Stay in touch by joining my email list - this is the best way to stay in touch, as I won’t be on social media very much moving forward.
This is not a goodbye - it’s “see you soon”!
Big Love,
Allison
“Children have the most beautiful way of both being and doing. They are able to run with the wind. Let them be your greatest teachers and guides along this journey.”
— Allison Villa
Links:
Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season? [join my email list here]
https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7
Work With Me:
https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review! -
“The day to day moments are just as meaningful as the date nights you have.”
— Allison Villa
How do we show love every day, when family life is so full-on?
I get this question a lot.
This is why I created the Love.Every.Day. series every Tuesday on Instagram...and now, also on the podcast!
Love.Every.Day tips are simple yet powerful ways to show your love to each other.
If you’ve been around for a while, you’ll know how much I advocate showing your kids what a loving relationship looks like, because how you love each other today lives on for generations.
Let’s continue to build an army of parents who are creating honest + sustainable relationships.
These tips are a gentle reminder that on those busy family days, it’s still possible to show your kids what love looks like in action.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
How Love.Every.Day. impacts your kidsWhy showing your love everyday is so importantSome tips to help you get started showing and receiving Love.Every.Day.“Children want to feel purposeful and they like having a sense of responsibility, like they are part of the team. So let them.
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:38 Setting an example of love
01:40 Get some sleep
03:00 Be playful
04:03 Create a centerpiece
05:30 Play games
06:28 Meal plan together!
09:40 Recap
Links:
Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?
https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7
Work With Me:
https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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Episodi mancanti?
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“The best measure of your parenting is your child’s happiness.”
— Allison Villa
Have you ever stopped to think about what lessons you have learned in parenthood?
Recently, I’ve celebrated a huge milestone in my life; 10 years of motherhood.
In today’s episode of Couplehood, I took some time to reflect on what I’ve learned in my 10 years of parenting and what I would tell myself 10 years ago when I began my motherhood journey.
As you listen, I encourage you to reflect on your own parenting journey and write down the lessons that you’ve learned along the way.
I find it helpful to find compassion for my younger self, as a new mother, and I hope that you share that grace with yourself as well.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
What the true measure of your parenting isHow your childhood plays a role in your children’s childhoodWhat to do when you make a mistake as a parentHow important your relationships with your partner and your friends are in your parenthood journey“Our children are our mirrors and they reflect our own inner-child wounds that may still need healing. Let your children be your guide to keep going inwards and understanding yourself.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
01:36 You can’t get an A in parenting
02:57 Repair ruptures
03:50 Make time for yourself
04:38 Grief and growth
05:10 Make your own choices
05:55 Your children’s childhood is their’s
07:46 Prioritize your couple
08:40 Friendships will change
09:30 Vacation
10:54 Change direction
Links:
Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?
Work With Me
Follow Me on Instagram
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“A Blessing Way is traditionally when multi-generations come together to celebrate & support the mother-to-be before baby’s arrival.”
— Allison Villa
Today’s episode of the Couplehood podcast is for those of you that are expecting, or have someone in your life that’s expecting. We’re going to cover the difference between a Baby Shower and a Blessing Way.
If you’ve never heard of a Blessing Way - don’t worry - I’m going to fill you in!
I recently hosted a Blessing Way that had a unique twist from the traditional ceremony. This one celebrated both the mother and father-to-be - such a beautiful way to honour and support their couple as they transition into parenthood. A great reminder that you can design a Baby Shower or Blessing Way, in whatever way is right for you, your family, and your community.
In this episode, I provide you with some ideas that you can use in planning your own Blessing Way, and simple touches to personalize it to your needs.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
What is a Blessing Way Ideas & details about the ceremonyHow you can host your own“In the circle, you are accessing your heritage and the generations that live within you.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:23 The Couplehood Podcast
01:10 What is a baby shower?
02:27 What is a blessing way?
05:17 Ideas for your blessing way
07:10 Guests
09:30 Affirming words
10:00 Lighting candles
12:47 Recap
Links:
Work With Me:
Follow Me on Instagram
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“I want our kids to see the support we give each other. You can have differences, but still be loving and supportive of each other.”
— Sarah
Today’s episode is part of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences navigating the 4 Relationship Seasons, developing better communication skills, and deepening their connection.
If you haven’t listened to my episodes on the Relationship Seasons, I recommend you check them out first!
My guests for this episode are Sarah and Steve. They have been together for 14 years and have 4 children, ages 9, 7, 4, and 2.
Sarah and Steve are currently in the Coping Season (or Connected Season, depending on who took the quiz!). Over the past year they have had multiple external factors pulling their time and energy, including home renovations, a life-changing bicycle accident, and Steve’s new work as a freelancer, just to name a few.
With so many life events happening all at once, it’s naturally been difficult to carve out the time needed to focus on themselves as a couple. Having awareness around the Relationship Seasons and using the tools they learned through Couple’s Sandbox has helped them remember that seasons ebb and flow and the Coping Season doesn’t last forever.
In our conversation, Sarah and Steve share how they moved past their initial hesitations around joining Sandbox (group calls can seem scary!), and how they now look forward to connecting with the other couples in the community. It has been a source of relatable connection and normalizes the challenges that every couple goes through, plus it prompts meaningful conversation with each other!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
How Sarah and Steve say that awareness around the Relationship Seasons has helped themWhy being the Couple Sandbox community is so important How modelling and normalizing struggles that all couples benefit your whole family“You have to be at ease with yourself before you can be at ease with each other.”
— Steve
Highlights:
00:24 The Sandbox Spotlight
01:50 Sarah and Steve
33:00 Gratitude
Links:
Work With Me:
https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“You don’t need to know how it’s going to unfold. You just need to take the first step.”
— Allison VillaIn this episode we are continuing the Couple’s Sandbox Spotlight Series, but for this special episode, I invited my husband Arjan to join me! We share some insight into where our relationship is today.
If you’re a couple that has experienced a significant lifestyle change this year like a move to a new location, switching to homeschooling, or completing a reno, then this episode is for you.
Arjan shares that in the past year we’ve had a lot of external factors that have impacted our relationship, including homeschooling our two daughters, ages 7 and 9, renovating our River House, and the day-to-day struggles which (let’s be honest) often take precedence over our relationship.
These lifestyle shifts take a lot of time and energy, and add greatly to our mental load as a couple. We were both surprised by our results from the Relationship Season quiz. We each took the quiz separately and the results gave us a lot to talk about!
In this interview, Arjan and I talk about some of the challenges we’ve had recently, and how our foundation of self-care, communication, and trust, has helped us move through those challenges together.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
● How a strong foundation can keep you connected as a couple, even in times of change ● The importance of your relationship within your family unit - remembering that what happens within your couple filters down to your kids
● How self-compassion can bring more patience to everyone in your life
“When you have the foundations of emotional trust and solid communication, you can still feel deeply connected as a couple despite going through hard things. ”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:40 Meet Arjan
02:46 What relationship season are we in?
04:51 The importance of couple time
06:51 Being in limbo
07:30 Connected
10:00 The learning curve
14:44 Practicing words of affirmation
18:10 Letting go of control
19:28 Finding self compassion
20:03 Keeping our vision in mind
22:20 Gratitude
Links:
Work With Me
Follow Me on Instagram
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“I’m all about small steps that have a big impact.”
— Allison
If you’re a couple that’s in the Coping Season, this episode is for you! We’ll be exploring how couples deal with relationship stresses and learn how to communicate more effectively.
This episode is part of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences moving through the 4 Relationship Seasons. It’s honest, raw, and a reminder that we all go through ups and downs!
My guests for this episode are Alina and Mario, who have been together for over 11 years and are raising their 3-year-old daughter.
Alina and Mario were in the Coasting/Connecting Season before COVID, and have been in the Coping Season ever since. The reality of the pandemic has impacted many couples and families, and I’m grateful that Alina & Mario share their experience with such honesty and courage. Joining Couple’s Sandbox has helped them learn to connect through the challenges, and to find compassion for each other along the journey.
In this interview, we talk about how Alina & Mario have been able to keep empathy in their relationship by consistently expressing what they need, and how they feel during the Coping Season.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
● How to have empathy during the Coping Season
● The importance of small shifts in nurturing your relationship
● How being open-minded with your partner leads to a shared vision
Note: If you haven’t listened to my episodes on the 4 Relationship Seasons, I recommend you check them out first. This will help you to understand your own season, and also help you to connect more deeply when we refer to the seasons in our podcast conversations.
“It’s just important to take steps, the path will unveil itself along the way”
— Mario
Highlights:
00:35 About Couple’s Sandbox
02:33 Meet Alina and Mario
06:32 Anxiety through Covid
12:51 Our relationship needed TLC
13:37 Excited to join Sandbox
14:42 Light at the end of the tunnel
15:08 Community creates hope
16:12 Small takeaways bring big perspective shifts
17:16 Love languages
19:45 Moving through the seasons
23:03 Gratitude
26:59 Should you join Couple’s Sandbox?
Links:
Join us in Couple’s Sandbox
Work With Me
Follow Me on Instagram
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“How you love each other today lives on through your children and in generations to come.” — Allison Villa
In this week’s episodes of the Couplehood podcast, we are bringing back the Sandbox Spotlight series, a limited series featuring interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences! In the series, we’re going to talk about their challenges, their joys, and how they successfully navigate The 4 Relationship Seasons.
My guests for this episode are Britt and Nick, who have been together for 6 years and are the parents of a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old.
Britt and Nick came to me through my Couple’s Tune-Up program. After their tune-up, they joined the Couple’s Sandbox community to maintain consistency and keep their relationship a priority.
Learning about The 4 Relationship Seasons helped Britt and Nick’s mindset as they welcomed their second child into the world. They were able to stay one season ahead this time! Now, at four months postpartum, they are leaving the Coasting Season and entering the Connected Season. Britt shares that reintroducing all the exercises they’ve learned in Couple’s Sandbox is what has propelled them forward.
Joining Couple’s Tune-Up and Couple’s Sandbox helped them create a vision together that felt aligned for them both. It also made Britt and Nick feel better prepared this time around (as they welcomed their second child). In this interview, they look back on what they’ve learned, how they use it, and the impact it’s had on their relationship!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
● How to create your vision as a couple
● Steps to help you bring that vision to life
● A sneak peek into how my Couples Sandbox community works — and how it can fit into your busy schedule!
“I’m all about small steps having a big impact.”
— Allison Villa
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Please enjoy this replay episode of number 18!
“Before the pandemic, I was a completely different person.”— Cecilia
If you’re a couple that’s had a major lifestyle change during the pandemic, this will be a useful episode for you!
This is the second episode of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences moving through the relationship seasons with total honesty.
If you haven’t listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!In this series, we explore how couples deal with relationship stresses and learn how to communicate more effectively.
My guests for this episode are Cecilia and Joey, who have been together for over 8 years and are raising three children between the ages of four and eight.
Cecilia and Joey were in the Coping season when they first joined Couple’s Sandbox a few months ago. Now, the pair are enjoying the Connected season, and on the verge of Confident.
In this interview, we talk about how the couple have kept their focus on their relationship through major lifestyle changes and overcoming bad habits… and have come out stronger than ever!
I would love to have you join us in the Couple’s Sandbox — the cart will be open from May 4 to May 9, 2021 and you can find the link below!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
How to capture that amazing ‘date night’ feeling in your day-to-day life The importance of listening to yourself and identifying the aspects of your life that you need to change in order to find balance and harmony How to recognize when your habits aren’t serving you or your relationship“You can see the kids are happier, because they see that we’re happier.”
— Joey
Highlights:
00:23 About Couple’s Sandbox03:44 Meet Cecilia and Joey06:19 Connecting day-to-day07:33 Significant lifestyle changes09:12 Listen to yourself11:54 Consider the impacts 13:07 Evaluate your habits16:05 How the seasons & the Sandbox help19:24 Moving into the Confident season21:54 GratitudeLinks:
Join us in the Couple’s Sandbox. The cart is open from May 4 to May 9, 2021.
https://www.allisonvilla.com/couples-sandbox
Work With Me:
https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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Please enjoy this replay of episode 17!
“It’s not easy to parent if you’re not on the same wavelength.”— Jake
Welcome to the first episode of the Sandbox Spotlight series, a limited series featuring interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences! In the series, we’re going to talk about their challenges, their joys, and how they successfully navigate the four relationship seasons.
If you haven’t listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!
My guests for this episode are Mel and Jake, founding members of my online community the Couples Sandbox. Mel and Jake have been together for 17 years and are the parents of two toddlers.
Mel and Jake came to me for couples counselling when they were in the Coping season — they were relieved to learn that the Coping season was temporary and to learn tools and strategize to manage the issues that came up during that season.
Learning about the relationship seasons helped Mel and Jake understand the ways that external factors impact their relationship and how they can work together as a team to manage them with kindness and empathy.
Joining Couple’s Tune-Up and Couple’s Sandbox helped them move from the Coping season to the Coasting season and then into the Connected season. In this interview, they look back on what they’ve learned, how they use it, and the impact it’s had on their relationship!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
How relationship tools can not only strengthen your relationship with your spouse, but also your entire family unit Why it’s so important to hear other couples talk about the challenges they face and how they overcome themA sneak peek into how my Couples Sandbox community works — and how it can fit into your busy schedule!“I feel like we’re closer than we’ve ever been, in many ways.”
— Mel
Highlights:
00:29 The Sandbox Spotlight
01:27 The Couples Sandbox community
03:54 Meet Mel & Jake
05:17 The journey to the Connected season
07:37 Reassurance & progress
08:45 Working as a team with kindness
09:59 Learning from other couples
13:02 The impact of connection on the family unit
15:14 Visions for the future
16:04 How they found Couple’s Tune-Up
20:01 ‘Marriage school’
21:15 Gratitude
Links:
Join us in the Couple’s Sandbox. The cart is open from May 4 to May 9, 2021.
https://www.allisonvilla.com/couples-sandbox
Work With Me:
https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“You are the secure base for your children. If you’re not good, then it filters down to your kids.”
— Allison Villa
While the stigma against therapy has fallen quite a bit over the last few decades as more people are accepting its benefits in terms of mental and emotional health, many couples still hesitate to commit to working on their relationship with a professional, for a few different reasons.
Throughout my time as a psychotherapist and relationship expert, I’ve noticed three questions in particular that come up for people considering couples therapy:
What if we can’t afford it?
What if we can’t find the time for it?
What if my partner isn’t onboard with talking about their feelings with a stranger?
These are all very valid concerns — and after experiencing the challenges of going through my own couples therapy with my husband, I knew that I had to come up with accessible options to help other parents!
This episode is all about the obstacles that can prevent couples from getting the support that they want and need — and the online solutions that they can turn to right now!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
Why I took my practice online long before the pandemic turned the world virtualHow the Couples Sandbox can help you reconnect with the play and passion in your relationship How to use the insights and practices learned through solo therapy to strengthen your connection with your partner“I’m all about small steps having a big impact.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:24 Introduction
01:45 My couples therapy story
07:31 Therapy solutions
09:11 Virtual therapy
11:02 Couples Sandbox
14:12 Partner hesitation
15:42 Recap
16:32 Couplehood podcast
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“What does emotional foreplay look like to you?”
— Allison Villa
In any long-term relationship, there will be periods where sexual frequency shifts. This can be tied to medical issues, stress, changes in mental health, changes in workload, having young children, or life just getting in the way.
While many couples worry that having less sex automatically means that their relationship is in trouble, that’s far from the truth! These ebbs and flows are a natural part of being in a long-term couple, just as each couple moves through each of the four relationship seasons.
Not only is having less sex not inherently harmful to your couple, but “intimacy” goes beyond just physical intimacy — there are five different types of intimacy that you can practice with your partner, and each piece contributes to your connection and the health of your relationship. In fact, these acts of emotional foreplay can hugely heighten the connection and pleasure you feel during physical intimacy!
This episode is all about looking beyond sex to strengthen your intimacy through the “in-between” moments, finding new ways to connect, and unlocking new areas of exploration.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
The 5 different types of intimacy and the roles that they play in your couple How emotional foreplay can greatly elevate your moments physical intimacy3 conversation starters that you can use to bring up the topic of intimacy with your partner“We all need to be seen as individuals outside of our role as parents.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:23 Introduction
01:21 Let’s talk about sex
03:19 Beyond sex
04:24 Emotional intimacy
06:53 Affection & touch
08:47 Intellectual intimacy
09:13 Spiritual & creative intimacy
11:07 3 conversation starters
13:08 Recap
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“Words and actions are the ultimate way to build trust in your relationship.”
— Allison Villa
What’s the ultimate make-or-break when it comes to enjoying a healthy and successful relationship?
Trust.
Trust is absolutely essential for maintaining a strong and connected bond with your partner. It’s the foundation to every relationship, and small cracks in that foundation can add up over time... and eventually cause your couple to crumble.
Trust isn’t only broken through major betrayals, such as extramarital affairs or serious lies about finances.
In fact, a partner doesn’t need to deliberately lie in order to damage trust. It may also be eroded through small, frequent micro-moments, such as promising to sign the kids up for a class and then forgetting, making other plans on a date night, or straying from an agreed-upon parenting technique.
Losing trust in your partner can make you feel less confident about your couple. Rebuilding that trust can help you feel more safe and secure with one another. This week, I am sharing how trust can be damaged — and built up — in your relationship, with practical examples and one powerful action item!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
Why tiny day-to-day micro-moments can work to erode trust in your coupleHow broken or damaged trust can send your couple into the Coping season The #1 action item that will help you build and show trust in your relationship“Empty words with no action break down trust.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:23 Introduction
01:50 Eroding trust through micro-moments
03:52 Trust & the Coping Season
05:40 Small things matter
07:22 Relationship seasons
08:42 Addressing micro-moments
09:46 Rebuilding trust
12:10 Recap
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“What do you need to feel good, and what does that look like in action?”
— Allison Villa
Today’s topic is something that comes up a lot in both individual and couples therapy. It’s an issue that affects all types of relationships, from romantic to familial to professional. And it’s one that a lot of people struggle with, and even feel guilty about.
Today, I want to talk about boundaries and resentment.
People set physical and emotional limits regarding how they want other people to behave around them in order to keep themselves feeling safe and respected. Boundaries are incredibly personal — and each person in a couple may have very different boundaries around certain topics or actions!
Resentment shows up when we feel that others have crossed our boundaries — whether or not we’ve been clear about setting them. Sometimes, we don’t even discover that we need a boundary until we start feeling uncomfortable or frustrated in a relationship.
This week, I am giving you all the tools you need to identify where the lines should be drawn in your life, and to set and communicate clear, reasonable boundaries.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
Real-life examples of the differing ways that people can set boundaries in their relationships3 simple action items to help you set necessary boundaries in your own life That boundaries don’t have to be static — don’t be afraid to shift them as needed!“When you don’t set boundaries, it often gets internalized as resentment.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:28 Introduction
01:27 Boundaries
02:49 Resentment
03:56 Cycling example
06:42 The process
07:20 Bedtime example
08:00 Work example
09:20 Set boundaries early
10:02 Get clear on your boundaries
11:18 Set the boundary
13:45 Boundaries aren’t static
14:45 Recap
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“It’s not so much about it being your idea. You want it to become their idea.”
— Allison Villa
Have you ever wanted to make a change in your lifestyle, relationship, or parenting style? Discovering a new parenting technique, sleep routine, or diet can be exciting — but often the challenge lies in getting your partner as excited about the shift as you are.
This episode tackles the big question: how do you best get your partner onboard with making a change?
(This is one of the most frequently asked questions I get from my clients and followers!)
I’m not going to talk about persuasion techniques or sneaky psychological tricks. When proposing a change to your partner, whether it’s a months-long family sabbatical or trying a gluten-free diet to benefit their health, it’s important that you take an honest, respectful, and patient approach.
The truth is that everyone has a different timeline when it comes to making peace with change, and your partner’s timeline may not match up to yours exactly — but that’s totally okay!
This episode breaks the process down into three simple, practical action items that will help you communicate your thoughts about the change, create space for your partner to develop their own positive feelings about it, and ultimately bring you closer together through affirming your choices together.
This will be a beautiful process for your couple, and I can’t wait for you to get started!
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
The deeper psychological responses triggered by the idea of changeWhy everyone has a different timeline for becoming receptive — and how to plant the initial seedThe importance of affirming and celebrating your shared vision together“You need to let it be their idea. You plant the seed and then you leave it to sprout.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:24 Introduction
01:58 Sabbatical example
02:49 Gluten-free example
04:14 Plant the seed
08:32 Be patient with timelines
10:49 Affirmation & celebration
12:33 Approach it as equals
13:01 Recap
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“Your love lives on through your kids.”
— Allison Villa
If you’re a regular listener of this podcast, I know that you prioritize your romantic relationship. But what you may not know is that love really IS eternal. (Or, at least, a lot more long-lasting than you may have thought).
This bite-sized episode explores the science and research that has shown that the love that you and your partner share lives on through your kids. Potentially, the love that you show one another and the love that you show your children today will echo on throughout many future generations.
And this is true on a physical level.
Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviours and environment may actually affect the way that your genes work, through changing the way that your body reads your genes — and part of that research has centred on how these changes can be passed down to your children... and even your grandchildren!
And the way that you and your partner demonstrate love? That’s definitely a piece of the puzzle.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ The concept of epigenetics and what it means in the context of passing on your love
✔ The six lifestyle factors that can affect the way that your body reads your genes
✔ The Parents in Love movement — and why so many people are choosing to join
“How you are loved as a child changes your DNA.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:24 Introduction.
01:45 Science of epigenetics.
02:21 Cancer gene example.
03:06 Lifestyle factors, epigenetics, and love.
04:11 Cherry blossom and mice experiment.
04:42 Nutrition, exercise, and love.
05:39 The Parents in Love movement.
06:21 Your affirmation.
Links:
Cherry blossoms and mice study
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fearful-memories-passed-down
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“How we shift our words impacts how we show up in that relationship.”
— Allison Villa
Today’s topic is something really simple… but also really powerful: this episode explores exactly why words matter.
Being fluent in communication is definitely a relationship superpower! How you speak to and with your partner (and how you speak ABOUT your partner to others in your life) impacts your couple in significant ways.
You’ve heard the statement “Thoughts become things?”
The same goes for words.
Our words are energetic and powerful. Once spoken, they become real — whether they convey simple dinner plans or our deepest beliefs about our partner. Words and perception are closely linked. This is true for both the way that our words cause us to see other people and the way that our words can cause other people to see themselves.
Shifting our words impacts how we show up in our relationships… even when the words are said to other people.
There are simple, everyday techniques that you can use to heal your perspective, strengthen your relationships, and even build up your own self esteem. Ready to get started? All you need to do is press play.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ How your words can shape the person your child will eventually become — and how shifting the message can change the way you relate to them
✔ 3 steps to healing your words and perspective in your relationship
✔ The importance of giving grace and making space to be human (for both you and your partner)
“How you speak about your relationship to others is precious. It’s important. It matters.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:23 Introduction.
01:19 Why are words so important?
02:38 The impact of shifting the message.
05:39 What are your thoughts about your partner?
08:11 Make space to be human.
08:37 How do you speak about your partner?
10:35 Find your safe people.
11:53 Don’t forget to verbalize the positive.
13:26 Speaking in front of kids.
14:08 Overcoming the challenge.
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“Resiliency doesn’t happen by accident.”
— Allison Villa
It’s pretty common to hear people reassure each other (or themselves) with the phrase “Don’t worry, kids are resilient.” This saying is used as a way to minimize the effects of trauma, hardship, or stress on growing minds. It implies that resilience, the ability to bounce back without too many lasting effects, is an innate trait that all children are born with. It assumes that going through hard things just makes kids stronger automatically.
In fact, this isn’t actually the case. This common saying is not only inaccurate and reductionistic, but actually dangerous.
Resilience is something that must be learned and nurtured through a secure attachment bond — it doesn’t just develop on its own! And while resilience is an especially timely and important concept right now, developing resilience is extremely valuable for maintaining mental health in general! And childhood is by far the best time to do it.
There are many life events or circumstances that can strongly impact a child, from changing schools to moving to losing or being unable to visit a loved one. In this episode, I share a personal story from my own life about the pandemic lockdown which illustrates the importance of building resilience in children. You’ll also learn simple but powerful techniques that you can use to help your child develop this important skill!
There is never a better time to start developing resilience than right now. So let’s get started.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ What resilience actually is — and how it’s developed through the caregiver-child bond
✔ The importance of moving through difficult situations WITH your children
✔ Actionable tools that you can use to help your children build resilience
“Our children have had a lot of things taken away from them over the past year.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:28 Introduction.
01:20 Personal pandemic story.
06:21 Help yourself as well as your child.
07:30 “Kids are resilient” is harmful.
09:14 How resilience develops.
11:20 Move through experiences together.
13:18 Show with words and actions.
14:05 Be aware and make time.
15:41 Model communication.
17:09 Recap.
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“When I’m being intentional… our relationship feels stronger.”
— Lianne Kim
Are you or your partner an entrepreneur? If so, this episode will be especially helpful for you!
Building a business can take up a lot of room in our lives, in terms of both time and emotional space. But it’s important that we don’t forget to weave connection and intimacy into our lives — it’s vital that we nurture our couple just as we nurture our growing businesses!
My special guest for this episode is Lianne Kim, business coach and founder of Mamas & Co., an online community that provides support to mama entrepreneurs. Lianne is not only a savvy businesswoman, but she’s also a strong believer in taking intentional action within her relationship in order to strengthen it.
This episode explores what happens when entrepreneurship meets couplehood — and the challenges that come up when you’re building up a business and a relationship simultaneously. You’ll hear Lianne’s personal story about her entrepreneurial journey and how wanting to create a living on her own terms affected her relationship. You’ll find out why you shouldn’t be afraid of your (or your partner’s) changing dreams and desires. And you’ll learn Lianne’s top tips for building a joyful business.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ The importance of small, regular, intentional actions and moments of authenticity in strengthening your relationship (with examples)
✔ Why and how you should build play, self care, and creativity into the way that you run your business
✔ Your special discount code to purchase Lianne’s incredible book!
“When I’m prioritizing ‘me’ time… I get my best ideas and beautiful connections.”
— Lianne Kim
Highlights:
00:22 Introduction.
02:13 Meet Lianne Kim.
04:50 Ongoing work and intentional action.
07:36 Love languages and areas of growth.
08:46 Lianne’s relationship/entrepreneurial journey.
12:14 Fears and communication.
14:04 Moments of authenticity and changing desires.
17:44 Building a Joyful Business.
20:14 Importance of play and creativity.
23:58 Entrepreneurs and self-fulfillment.
26:49 Joy isn’t 24/7.
29:08 Family time and conversation-starters.
30:21 The Sandbox.
31:06 Impact of a joyful business on a relationship.
Links:
Lianne Kim
https://www.liannekim.com/book (Promo: COUPLEHOOD)
https://www.mamasandco.com
https://www.facebook.com/liannekimcoach
Instagram: @liannekimcoach
The Business of Thinking Big podcast
https://open.spotify.com/show/4CtmkrCqJQNsE70y3xwRdx
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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“When you’re tired, there’s a lot of things that you’re unable to do.”
— Allison Villa
How do we connect meaningfully with our partners when we are just so tired?
While being a parent can be one of the most wonderful and fulfilling experiences, it can also be exhausting — physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It can be very easy to put off reconnecting with your partner until you feel less tired, but you may find that days turn into weeks (or even months) before you realize it. And you’re still tired.
It can be a challenge to find that extra energy to connect with your partner when you’re giving so much of yourself to your children, but it’s so important for your couple.
This episode is all about practical, actionable tips to help you and your partner support each other in parenthood, reduce your levels of stress and exhaustion, and create new space for connection.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
How you and your partner can help each other enjoy better sleep and have more energy throughout the day 3 simple ways that you can show each other love — even when you’re exhausted Why a daily gratitude practice is such an effective way to connect“What is one small action that you can take to show your partner that you care?”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:26 Parenting is exhausting01:30 Sleep is the foundation03:13 Speak your gratitude04:22 Name what you miss05:40 One small action06:36 Action items recapLinks:
Work With Me:
https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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