Episodi
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In a world where women are told to have it all, do it all, and be it all, the reality they face while actually trying to do these things is far more complex.
The pay gap looms large – over the span of a career, it takes 132 years to close – while the confidence gap, the leadership gap, and the broken rung in the corporate ladder persist.
Erica Anderson Rooney has faced all these challenges intimately, personally, and head-on as she’s climbed the ranks to the C-suite while raising a family. But wait – there’s more.
Erica grew up as the daughter of parents who divorced when she was very young. Both were loving parents, and they lived close to each other so that she could spend half the week with her dad and half the week with her mom.
Having to live in two different households, each with different expectations, rules, and ways of doing things, led Erica to become a chameleon and put other people first in order to get by as smoothly as possible and avoid conflict and friction.
Three of her values were learned from her mom. Go to school and get good grades so you can have a good-paying job and financial independence was the first. This led to the second, which was to never be in a situation where you have to depend on a man – a fitting lesson given the circumstances. The third was to be a good person, be kind, be generous, and always show up and do the right thing.
These values carried Erica through childhood and college, into her first career, and into her marriage. Everything seemed fine, because of a fourth lesson she had learned – but that was the problem, as Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
See, the fourth lesson was that alcohol solves a lot of problems, whether it makes you feel happier, helps you forget why you’re sad, or loosens your inhibitions. Or helps you “ease up” when trying to be a chameleon has you grinding against your authentic self.
By dulling the edge, Erica missed that she wasn’t in touch with her authenticity. She’d go to a concert and say “this is great” in order to please whomever invited her, even if she hated the music. But sometimes, she would have a glass of wine to cope with houseguests she didn’t want to deal with. A glass would turn into two, then three – then a whole bottle. She’d wake up not knowing what happened or what she said, or sensing tension with her husband and not even knowing what they had fought about the night before.
In a moment, when you meet Erica, you’ll hear about the path to claiming her power to allow her authenticity to come through.
Erica’s hype song is "Owl City" by Verge ft. Aloe Blacc.
Resources:
Erica Anderson Rooney’s website: https://www.ericaandersonrooney.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ericarooney/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fromnowtonextribe Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ericaandersonrooney/Invitation from Lori:
Let me ask you, if there was a simple way to reclaim your peace of mind and not feel so frazzled, would you want to know what it is? Enter the “10 Proven Habits Top Leaders Use to Stay Calm and Focused Every Day” checklist — your quick guide to creating calm, intentional days.
These practices are so incredibly simple, you'll probably question their effectiveness. Like, how could just doing THAT alleviate my stress?!
But take my word...
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Imagine you’re less than 30 years old, and so tired you’re afraid to drive because you might fall asleep at the wheel and cause an accident.
Picture the frustration of seeing doctor after doctor after doctor, only to be told you’re not sick, just depressed.
Then, after getting so many wrong answers, you conclude you have a brain tumor, because that seems to be the only possibility left.
And while all this is going on, you’re also in a toxic relationship that, as part of the final scene, has you seeking a Protection from Abuse Order.
This was Anne Desjardins’ journey to health.
She was raised in a traditional, loving family environment that emphasized caring for others and continuous self-improvement. Her father was an ER physician. Her grandfathers and uncles were doctors. Her parents also had what today we would call side hustles. All of them listened to cassette tapes about business success, meaning Anne heard a lot of these too and they left an imprint.
Anne went to college for international business, but left after one year because it wasn’t for her. She already knew that following her family’s path and becoming a doctor wasn’t for her either, since she passes out at the very sight of blood. When she did return to college, her value of helping others led her into a liberal arts curriculum. She graduated and began a promising career in sales. She fell in love. It was still early in the game, but everything seemed fine.
But you know, Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Right around the time of her breakup, she saw a massage therapist who told Anne, “your soul is dying”. Pretty soon, it felt like her body was dying too. Along with memory loss, she suffered from night sweats, hives, and insomnia. Even her dental hygienist noticed something was unusual about the plaque on her teeth. Desperate for sleep, she began drinking vodka straight out of the bottle. Numerous doctors and specialists tried, but failed, to come up with answers.
Until finally she got the answer: Lyme Disease.
The seven years of struggle to finally get the answer she needed touched off a seven-year battle to get healthy again. In a way it was poignant that she had come to believe she was dying of brain cancer, only to find out she was bitten by a bug and the cure was a regimen of antibiotic treatments.
In a moment, when you meet Anne, you’ll hear how she decided not getting better was NOT one of her choices. Additionally, her journey highlights her core value of service to others, as she’s now become an empowering voice for Lyme Disease patients and others.
Anne’s hype song is “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys.
Resources:
Anne Desjardins’ website: https://www.thesilverlyming.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/Annedesjardins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Anne.desjardins.3 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Anne.desjardins.15Invitation from Lori:
Let me ask you, if there was a simple way to reclaim your peace of mind and not feel so frazzled, would you want to know what it is? Enter the “10 Proven Habits Top Leaders Use to Stay Calm and Focused Every Day” checklist — your quick guide to creating calm, intentional days.
These practices are so incredibly simple, you'll probably question their effectiveness. Like, how could just doing THAT...
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Episodi mancanti?
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Fear often holds you back, even if it doesn’t make sense to be afraid.
You can have everything you ever wanted – a fantastic career, creature comforts, money to afford anything you need, plus “f*ck-you money” in the bank that gives you the freedom to not have to do anything you don’t want to.
And even with all that, you can still have an empty, nagging sense like you don’t really have anything at all.
This has been Constantin Morun’s journey.
Born in Romania, at the tail end of a vicious dictatorship that offered its people no consumer goods, banned typewriters, and forced citizens to use light bulbs so dim they couldn’t see around the room, it was easy for Constantin to find himself without freedom of expression and surrounded by scarcity.
While he was raised with love and compassion, he also knew what it felt like to be left in the dark, both figuratively and literally.
In 2000, when Constantin was 17, his family moved to Canada. There he was in a new land where he didn’t understand the language, the school system or the level of diversity he’d never seen or experienced before.
He did well in college and got a degree in mathematics, but his work wasn’t his passion. So he became a professional poker player while also coaching poker players, made a lot of money at it, but succumbed to pressures from others who told him he needed to get a “real job” at some point.
This brought him to the United States and into the corporate hustle, and within seven years he was doing extremely well. As a result of hard work and accomplishment, he got a promotion. Everything seemed fine.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
In a moment, when you meet Constantin, you’ll hear about how just when it seemed he had it all – all he felt was an enormous emptiness inside. Which led him on the powerful journey of redefining terms like “regret” and “fear” and through which he discovered that, when all is said and done, these things are little more than illusions.
Prepare to discover the concept of “decoy fears” and that when bad things happen, there’s still always something good in it for you, as long as you’re willing to look for and see it.
Constantin’s hype songs are brain music you can find on Brain.fm.
Resources:
Constantin Morun’s websites: https://calmsuccesslive.com/ and https://unleashthyself.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/constantin-bo-morun/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/Unleash-Thyself/100091499994716/ Instagram: https://instagram.com/unleashthyselftoday X: https://x.com/Unleash_ThyselfInvitation from Lori:
Let me ask you, if there was a simple way to reclaim your peace of mind and not feel so frazzled, would you want to know what it is? Enter the “10 Proven Habits Top Leaders Use to Stay Calm and Focused Every Day” checklist — your quick guide to creating calm, intentional days.
These practices are so incredibly simple, you'll probably question their effectiveness. Like, how could just doing THAT alleviate my stress?!
But take my word - and all the science and research that's been done on these methods - implementing even ONE of these strategies will...
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You know the saying: your network is your net worth.
You can intentionally engineer the results by curating your circle of influence over time, keeping in touch, and being on the alert for subtle connections the casual observer might miss.
And then you might unintentionally end up on a flight with the CEO of your former employer, take your chance on grabbing the seat next to him in first class, and seize the opportunity to create networking connections that help him close a major deal.
Helen Fanucci took both approaches and had been able to practice and master the art of finding what’s possible.
Her parents instilled this in her by showing her she could achieve anything she put her mind to. When, as a young girl living in Boston, she told her father, who was the minister of a congregational church, that she wanted to go to the MIT, and asked if he thought she could get in, he told her the only way to find out was to try.
Spoiler alert - she got into MIT.
But before that, as Helen was finishing seventh grade, her mother died of ovarian cancer only a year after her family had moved to Seattle. During a visit to Boston she realized that although she was struggling to fit in living in Seattle, she could find her place if she intentionally looked for and created it.
After graduating from MIT, she worked as a manufacturing engineer for IBM in Silicon Valley. Worried that IBM’s culture of spending your entire career there could leave her stagnant, she pivoted into sales. She grew into the role through building her network and seeking knowledge where she could find it - until an unsettling discovery led her to leave IBM and work for a prospective client.
Cue the coincidental meeting with the CEO of IBM on the airplane and Helen’s opportunity to use her networking skills to create a relationship between the CEO and her new employer’s CEO. By all standards, everything was going just fine.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
In a moment, when you meet Helen, you’ll discover how going on maternity leave changed everything. How spending a career in corporate America inspired her mantra of “this won’t last forever.” And why all these years later she’s started her own company that helps B2B companies with their go-to-market using AI tools.
It's a fascinating story, and you have to hear Helen tell it in her own words.
Helen’s hype song is “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison.
Resources:
Helen Fanucci’s website: https://www.pipelinepower.ai/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/helenfanucci/ Claim your copy of Helen's book, Love Your Team: A Survival Guide for Sales Managers in a Hybrid World.Invitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.
✅ Learn how to own your feelings and your struggles so you can address them.
✅ Find out how to face fears, step out of your comfort zone, and rewire your beliefs.
It’s...
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When you work in sales, you of course want to build trust with your prospects and make them feel like you have their best interests at heart and aren’t simply selling them something just to earn a commission.
Resilience, adaptability, and continuous learning are as important to your success as empathy, patience, and effective communication.
Then there’s the question of whether you enjoy sales and believe in what you’re selling, or if it’s just a job and you’re doing the best you can to be decent at it. These, and other sentiments, are why today’s conversation with Gabe Lullo, the CEO of Alleyoop, is so important.
Gabe grew up in Buffalo, New York, which itself requires a lot of grit because you deal with really cold weather and a lot of snow. Add to that, Gabe and his sister were raised in modest circumstances by a single mom who worked two jobs so her kids could go to private schools and get a great education, even though it cost 90% of her income.
At the same time, he was close to his grandfather, a sports coach who modeled the “coaching” rather than the “bossing” approach to leadership.
When he turned 18, his mother made him go to bartending school. The idea was that no matter what happened with his career, Gabe could always make money.
In college, while taking classes and doing internships, he worked nights as a bartender, a vocation that in hindsight taught him so much about sales, marketing, relationships, and more in a way that you simply don’t get in the classroom. He first considered law school, then pivoted to finance, and then 9/11 hit and all opportunities in that sector evaporated.
Nevertheless, Gabe persisted, and he became a partner in a business venture, got married, and started a family. It was tough going there, but everything seemed like it was going to be just fine.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word, and his business partnership broke up, sending him back to square one with an infant daughter to care for.
In a moment, when you meet Gabe, you’ll discover how the next pivot in his journey, doing cold-calling as a Sales Development Representative (SDR) at minimum wage, touched off a meteoric journey that less than a decade later landed him in his current position as CEO of that company.
Doing the hard things has paid off, and as a result, Gabe has found a level of passion and fulfillment he hadn’t imagined would be possible while shoveling through those Buffalo blizzards. Now he’s about to lay it all out for you.
Gabe’s hype song is "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins.
Resources:
Gabe Lullo’s website: https://alleyoop.io/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lullo/Invitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.
✅ Learn how to own your feelings and your struggles so you can address them.
✅ Find out how to face fears, step out of your comfort zone, and rewire your beliefs.
It’s only 7 pages, so it won’t take you long to get through. When you’re ready to say F*ck Being Fine, this guide is the place...
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It’s called “continuous growth” for a reason.
When you cut down a tree, or a tree snaps and falls, the rings you’ll see reveal more than the age of the tree based on how many rings there are. Each ring will be a different width, a different color or shade.
Each of these rings tells a story about how changes in the environment impacted its growth and development as it grew from a sapling into a fully-fledged organism sprouting branches, growing leaves, bearing fruit, expanding its roots, or whatever other functions it performed during its life cycle.
Jennifer Frye’s story of surviving domestic abuse and finding her way to thrive by looking from the inside out makes me think of this metaphor.
Growing up, Jennifer was instilled with the values of hard work, work ethic, honesty, integrity, family, education… and guilt. Yes, she grew up in the 1980s.
Her father was a successful entrepreneur who worked a lot of hours and embodied the hustle culture. Though she grew up in a loving household, both her parents died when she was in her 20s. She was determined to be a success story and to do what she believed would be expected of her.
Jennifer got married, had a child, and started a business, so it seemed like she was set to emulate her father and everything would be fine.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Her husband gradually became abusive. First it was emotional abuse, trauma, gaslighting, and displays of power like blocking her from leaving a room or laying behind her car so she could not leave the driveway. She tried to make it work for the sake of their child having a complete home. Then, after she went out with a friend for her birthday, he accused her of being with another man and struck her.
That was the break. Though it was scary, and she didn’t have a whole lot to go on as her business was just starting to really take off, she divorced him and embarked on a journey to making it on her own.
Funny thing, though. She had already been managing the household and primary in raising their child, so on the surface level, aside from a struggle to make ends meet, things hadn’t actually changed all that much.
Until one day, she was emptying the dishwasher and found sheer joy at knowing she didn’t have a man who would cause her anxiety if she didn’t empty the dishwasher.
In a moment, when you hear from Jennifer, you’ll see how, like the rings of a tree, she discovered how as you go through the layers of bark, you find your tolerations that get in the way of gratitude and dispose of them.
And most of all, you’ll be energized by the power of the word “because”.
Jennifer’s hype song is "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston.
Resources:
Jennifer’s website: https://appreciatedasset.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-levy-frye/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/appreciatedasset/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/appreciatedasset/Also be sure to check out Episode #81, Resilience in the Face of Adversity: A Dad’s Story of Overcoming Loss and Embracing Gratitude with Mike Fister – Mike connected me to Jennifer for today’s enlightening...
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Living through the pandemic changed all of our lives, in one way or another.
For some, it was coming to a realization that you didn’t feel like your business or your career was your true calling, in which case it’s possible you may have encountered someone like today’s guest during your journey toward finding something more aligned with your life’s purpose.
For others, it’s finding out that although you had a bunch of superficial or virtual interactions every day, you essentially felt alone. And maybe the friend or mentor you needed was someone you had never met, like in the form of a content creator, an author, or a podcast host.
This is Brian Fink’s story.
Growing up, his family was in the shirt manufacturing business. Today, he’s a talent acquisition partner who finds top-tier hires. One day, at a recruiting event, a candidate approached him and asked if he was one of the Finks who had owned the local shirt factory. It turns out, Brian’s grandfather had given his father white dress shirts as a reward for making Dean’s List at an HBCU, Albany State University, and to encourage him to continue doing well in his studies.
This encounter led Brian to the realization that because of what his grandfather did for those students and during the civil rights movement, that Brian’s striving to make sure things are fair and indivisible for everybody comes through family legacy.
Brian has enjoyed a storied career. He’s owned recruiting businesses, exited them, and helped others grow and exit their recruiting businesses. He has worked for companies like Amazon and AWS, Twitter, and Vanguard on his way toward his current work at McAfee.
As an “intrapreneur”, as he calls himself, he lives out the values imprinted by his grandfather as well as one of his grandmothers, who taught him to value friendships and the communities you create and serve.
This all sounds fine.. but Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
About 20 years ago, Brian found out he suffers from anxiety and depression.
In his search for understanding, acceptance, strength, and growth, he found himself drawn toward not only mentors in the workplace who create space for him to learn from mistakes and explore his talents, but also remote mentors – those authors, speakers, and podcast hosts. He reads voraciously to the point that he’s not really up on “pop culture” because he prefers books to television and movies.
Like the day he discovered by chance that his grandfather had been someone else’s father’s hero, there was one particular video he found that gives him incredible inspiration to find what he is looking for on the other side of fear.
When you listen to Brian, you’ll discover how he has found companionship and mentorship at a distance.
Brian’s hype song is “Sweetness” by Jimmy Eat World.
Resources:
Brian Fink’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brianfink/ Will Smith’s video that we discuss during the interview, “What Skydiving Taught Me About Fear”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFIB05LGtMsInvitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
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Do you think you’ve got it made?
Today’s situation is remarkable for the sheer amount of disruption, rapid change, and even chaos that seems to spin faster and faster with each passing moment.
Just in the past few years, the world has been turned upside down, stood back up, spun around, and sent into the rapids by a pandemic that has become endemic, political and social upheaval that might leave you feeling like nothing would really surprise you at this point, predictions becoming fact in weeks rather than years, and much more that few of us saw coming just five years ago.
What if you could take a step back and turn down the noise?
Rick Herrmann invites you to do just that.
For the past 35 years, Rick has been what he calls an “always on” tech executive who thrives in the intensity and passion of work and then in play with his family. These experiences have taught him to be resilient, driven, and adaptable.
As a kid in New England during the 1980s, when Michael J. Fox played Alex P. Keaton, Rick grew up in the family ties of a supportive environment as the son of an engineer and entrepreneur who left the house at 5:30 am and came home at 6:30 pm and installed in young Rick the values of hard work and certainty.
These values inspired him to enter the tech world, a place where bedrock stability and calm through crisis are key to doing a great job and making a big difference. In the workplace, you might think of IT only when something goes wrong; the rest of the time you subconsciously bask in the certainty the up-and-running servers give you that you’ll be able to do your job.
You might say Rick stands out by not standing out – he’s a gentle, quiet man with a great career and a wonderful family. Everything’s fine with Rick – why would we even have him on a show that’s about radical inflection points and catharsis?
But that’s just the thing – FINE is a 4-Letter Word.
Things got a little f*cked up for Rick – in an understated way – when he entered his 50s and the world entered a pandemic. Coupled with the loss of a parent, it drove him to identify three core values – family, compassion, and doing big things.
Along the way, he’s taken plenty of walks in nature, walking calls with employees that are about candidly venting without the pressure to solve the world’s problems, and driven the shift from “work-life balance” to “work-life integration”. Along the way, he’s brought computers to millions of underserved communities so they have a fair opportunity to participate in all the world has to offer.
Now tune in and prepare to soak up some of the wisdom Rick has learned along the way.
Rick’s hype song is "Need a Favor" by Jelly Roll.
Resources:
Rick Herrmann’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rickaherrmannInvitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.
✅ Learn how to own your feelings and your struggles so you can address them.
✅ Find out how to face fears, step out of your comfort zone, and rewire your beliefs.
It’s only 7 pages, so it won’t take you long to get through. When...
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Self-reliance. Determination and grit. Treating others the way you want to be treated.
These are some of the most noble traits our society says we can possibly have, attributing people who exude them as being the product of a good upbringing and the kind of person we should aspire to be.
These are also the traits than can bite you in the ass and f*ck everything up when they come back at you like a boomerang and whack you upside the head just when you think you’ve done it all right and everything’s fine.
This is Michelle Charpentier’s story.
She was raised with the “Golden Rule” by hardworking, self-relliant parents who always came through for her, one way or another. Her dad was a school teacher and a musician who got by just fine by living this same value system. Her mom was always busy doing something.
Michelle embarked on a successful management career in the jewelry industry, where she discovered a few things that really stood out. Like the time a meeting coordinator asked Michelle to be liaison with the cleaning lady rather than approach the woman directly because Michelle seemed to get along with her so well. Or that some managers were assuming everything was fine with their employees and not taking the time to get to know their likes and dislikes.
Eventually, Michelle was offered the kind of major promotion you don’t say no to. For a while it involved a long commute from New York City to New Jersey, but she was able to get transferred to NYC and everything seemed fine.
But FINE is a 4-Letter Word.
Michelle burned out, but it wasn’t just the commute and the long hours that come with being in retail that drove her to leave it all behind and start her own consulting firm so she could have more flexibility to start a family.
Remember that boomerang that comes around and hits you back? Michelle felt it when all of a sudden she had nobody to manage. Then she found those traits of self-reliance, determination, and grit became a problem when employees weren’t around whose specific job it was to help her.
And that Golden Rule thing? She found out in the “silence of solopreneurship” that it played a huge role in burning her out and cost her a fortune in life.
In a moment, when you meet Michelle, you’ll find out how all those admirable traits f*cked things up – and some new values she developed that actually made her an even better person than the fine human being she already was. It may come across as contrarian, and it may shock you. And that’s exactly why you need to listen.
Michelle’s hype song is "WOW" by Post Malone.
Resources:
Michelle Charpentier’s website: https://www.charpconsulting.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelleccharpentier/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/charpconnectionsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/brooklyn_pioneer/Also, check out Episode #135, Pull The Weeds When They’re Wet with Kris Ward, for even more on the topics Michelle shares with us today.
Invitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set...
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Imagine going about your day, following your routine, when out of the blue something comes along and knocks you to the ground, ending the life you’ve known up until that moment.
In the movies, things can go into slow motion, or you hear the “needle scratch” that ends the background music as everything comes to a shuttering halt and you fall to the ground.
This was the moment Dori Staehle (pronounced STAY-LEE) got beat like a drum in a bicycle accident – and as she was soon to discover, drumming was going to be the next step.
Dori told her professors she was raised by wolves. Her father became a single parent to Dori and her two older sisters and the girls found themselves taking care of the household with minimal parental guidance.
At age 16, she left home to live with a friend from high school. Around that same time developed a curiosity about spirituality and sought to learn more about faith on her own.
After college, where she almost burned out due to her heavy course load, Dori pursued a career path of international business and sales and marketing but felt unfulfilled creatively. At the same time, she discovered her children “learned differently.” so out of necessity she designed a unique way to teach them mathematics.
It was then that Dori discovered that hand drumming helped beat stress and ADHD issues and improved productivity. So in 2009 she became a Certified Drum Therapist with Drums and Disabilities, and later trained with Health Rhythms.
Not everything was “fine” – that 4-Letter Word – but it was about to get worse.
BAM!
One day in 2011, that bicycle came out of nowhere. After weeks of being put off when she sought proper medical attention and being told she was “fine” when she was in constant pain, an MRI revealed that not only did she have a mass of cysts inside her, the bicycle accident had triggered Aphasia.
Dori almost gave up, but decided to ask God to give her a way to heal herself and others - and that's when things got interesting.
Already well into her 50s, she started her fourth business, Next Stage Drumming, mainly offering classes, events, and private drum therapy sessions. Once Dori added some mentoring and coaching to the mix, she began to see breakthroughs taking place very quickly – not only for her clients, but for herself as well.
In a moment, when you meet Dori, you’ll hear her fascinating story about how all the threads, lessons, triumphs, and tragedies of her life coalesced as if they were leading her to the drums. As Dori says, “You're never too old and it's never too late to rock what you've got!”
Dori’s hype song is "Rise Up (Lazarus)" by CAIN.
Resources:
Dori Staehle’s website: https://www.nextstagedrumming.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/doristaehlemba Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nextstagedrummingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/nextstagedoriClaim your access to Dori Staehle's free stress relief video when you sign up for her newsletter: https://www.nextstagedrumming.com/free-tips/
Invitation from Lori:
Before you press that "Play" button (or after you finish listening), let me mention that in my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can...
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What do Anthony Hopkins, Dan Aykroyd, Courtney Love, Daryl Hannah, Jerry Seinfeld, Albert Einstein, Heather Kuzmich, Elon Musk, Lionel Messi, Eminem, and Satoshi Tajiri have in common?
Celebrity?
Creativity?
Fame?
Fortune?
Yes, all of them have these things to varying degrees. Each and every one of them also has (or in Einstein’s case, had) autism.
So does author, actor, autism advocate, and animal rights activist Daniel Keith Austin, creator of the children’s book series, Chelsea’s New Journey. I was especially interested in hosting Daniel on the show because there are a lot of misconceptions around what autism is and how people with it interact with the world. It’s a topic that’s near and dear to my heart because my nephew is on the spectrum.
Daniel was raised with the core beliefs of striving to be a good and decent person who treats people well, does things for the overall benefit of mankind, and helps people lead better lives.
He also grew up as one of four autistic siblings and experienced many challenges. He was a disruptive kid who struggled in an educational system that just wanted him to follow orders and behave while doing little to support him in learning to form relationships and communicate effectively. He didn’t find out he had autism until he was 14 years old.
In Daniel’s case, you could say things were never “fine” – for him, Fine is a 4-Letter Word and always has been.
In a moment, when you meet Daniel, you’ll discover how his passion for writing, performing, and storytelling led him to create a series of children’s books about Chelsea the Golden Retriever.
Revolving around the life story of a Golden Retriever based on Daniel’s childhood dog, this series breaks down and transforms complicated, contentious themes into an understandable, relatable tale that powerfully addresses themes of abandonment, the need for acceptance and belonging, and triumph over adversity through seemingly impossible challenges from the perspective of someone who lacks a human voice.
Through Chelsea’s eyes, Daniel invites you to join an engaging and thought-provoking story arc around Chelsea becoming a therapy dog for people on the autism spectrum.
Daniel’s hype song is “Something’s Coming” from West Side Story.
Resources:
Daniel Keith Austin’s websites: https://danielkeithaustin.com/ and https://www.chelseasnewbeginningbook.com/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/chelsea.the.golden.retrieverInstagram: https://instagram.com/chelseathegoldenretriever88/X (formerly Twitter): https://x.com/ChelseaTheGold2Invitation from Lori:
Before we get to this thought-provoking, emotional conversation that delivers a new perspective on thriving with autism, let me mention that in my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once...
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In conversations with friends and through my own experiences, I know our animals who’ve crossed the rainbow bridge can still communicate with us. My kitty girls show up in my dreams from time to time.
My guest today is Maribeth Decker. And when she started receiving messages from her dogs after they passed away, it led her to her current vocation.
Like many of my guests, Maribeth was raised to conform to social expectations. Be good, be quiet, be smiley. Don’t ask questions. Do as you’re told. Whatever you’re told is the absolute truth. At age 13, she was out in the woods when she asked God if He existed. She received an incredible response from a loving, intelligent presence. Part of the message was that maybe the humans in her life didn’t have all the answers after all.
In college, she studied pre-med and was horrified by being forced to do experiments on live turtles and mice. After college, her boyfriend suggested she join the Navy, which was a “Fuck Yes” decision for her. In the service she lived up to the drunken sailor stereotype. But when she lost her drinking partner because he decided to get sober, she decided to get sober too.
After 17 years, Maribeth took early retirement from the Navy and became an association manager. During that time, her first husband died, leaving her with young children. She could have worked as an association manager until she retired, and given all she had been through, that would have been fine for Maribeth.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Instead, Maribeth felt a calling to do something else – massage therapy, then Reiki. After 21 years as an association manager, having already taken courses in massage therapy and Reiki, she retired from her job and went into these practices full-time. Things were going great; this was a right fit. Then her deceased dogs began sending her messages.
Eddie transitioned right before she left for a business trip. While on the airplane, Maribeth felt Eddie’s presence in the aisle and even petted her. Eddie stayed with her the first night in the hotel to make sure she was able to do her best work. Similarly, Timmy, who had passed years before, visited her at her home. He was a full-body apparition, grinning to say he was OK, he was happy and he loved her. Had Maribeth become Dr. Doolittle? What did all this mean?
In a moment, when you meet Maribeth, you’ll discover how this led her to a new and exciting chapter working with animals to help them become better family members through intuitive communication, medical intuition, and energy healing.
Maribeth’s hype song is “Pyro” by Kings of Leon.
Resources:
Maribeth Decker’s website: https://sacredgrove.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maribethdecker/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/spiritualpetpeopleInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/maribethdecker/Also, check out the following episodes we discussed during our interview:
Tap Into Your Intuition & Own Your True Self with Brigitte BakerYou Have a Ghost in Your Neck with Melanie... -
As a Gen-Xer, I remember when the prevalent view about being gay was that it was something you’d be afraid for people to find out about. It’s also been our generation that started to change that.
We’ve come a long way in the past couple decades, but it can still be a frightening prospect if your family and community are predominantly heteronormative.
With the stigma surrounding homosexuality that prevailed in the last century, can you blame someone for being afraid to come out, even if everyone they privately confided in has been completely understanding and supportive?
This is Kevin O’Connor’s story.
Kevin was raised in the 1950s and 1960s in the middle of the Midwest – Elgin Illinois to be exact – as part of a family that founded the first funeral home in that town in 1930 and continued to operate it up until 1984. He, his parents, and his older brother lived in one part of the house; his uncle, aunt, and three older girl cousins lived in another part of the house; the funeral parlor was on the ground floor. He uses the word “inclusive” to summarize his family and social environment growing up.
While he was welcome to make a career in the family business, nobody insisted; his family supported him when he went to college for education and became a teacher. In his early 20s, he got married. This was a great start, and everything seemed fine.
But Fine is a 4-Letter Word – and in 1971, being gay was not considered “fine”.
In a moment, when you meet Kevin, you will discover his extraordinary journey of coming out to his first wife, his second wife, his father, and his sons. And then what inspired him to come out publicly at 55 years old and the impact it had on all his relationships, including and especially the one with himself.
This is a story about inclusivity, acceptance, self-discovery, and navigating the waters of society you cannot miss – tune in now and you may find yourself seeing a new point of view.
Kevin’s hype song is "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" by Stevie Wonder.
Resources:
Kevin O’Connor’s website: https://www.kevinoconnorauthor.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kmoconnor/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.oconnor2Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefnavigator/Also check out our episode, Unleash Your Joy with Carol Banens which includes a theme related to something Kevin and I discussed.
Invitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.
✅ Learn how to own your feelings and your struggles so you can address them.
✅ Find out how to face fears, step out of your comfort zone, and rewire your beliefs.
It’s only 7 pages, so it won’t take...
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While it's difficult to track how many people with cancer do not seek treatment, the National Cancer Data Base (NCDB) conducted a study a few years ago that indicated about 9.2% of patients receive no first course of treatment.
This could be for many reasons, including fear or disbelief in traditional or corporate medicine, alternative treatments that stay off the statistics, or they just say “fuck it” and decide to enjoy the time they have left the best they can.
But what if you’re diagnosed with cancer and seeing an oncologist just doesn’t fit into your plan?
This was Deb Krier.
Deb was raised in a small town as the only child of a father who worked most of the time and was uninvolved to the point that he was vaguely aware the family had a bank account, and a mother who was the secretary at the local doctor’s office. Their marriage may have been what we today call a “female-led relationship” – her mother ran everything and insisted on making every decision.
This brought out two traits in Deb – it made her a perfectionist and perhaps a bit of a control freak, and it also made her very independent and insistent on having control over her own life.
She went to college, started a business, and in her 30s got married. They lived in Denver until her husband got transferred to Atlanta. Because they don’t have kids and otherwise are independent people, the move wasn’t that hard. They planted stakes in Atlanta and things went on. Hell, everything seemed fine.
But FINE is a 4-Letter Word.
A routine mammogram revealed something, but it was minor and easily treatable. Since it didn’t seem urgent, Deb didn’t exactly rush to the oncologist – actually, it wasn’t until months later, once the cancer had spread and things got serious, that she began treatment.
The journey through cancer has taught Deb many lessons, including the importance of delegation in her business, how to assert her autonomy and retain her choice as she goes through treatment, and a long quest through which she has discovered a new meaning and definition for the concept of death.
For a while, her mother moved in to help with care, which led to arguments because Deb, her mother, and her husband fought over who was in charge. It was a huge deal just to persuade her mother to leave when she was no longer needed.
So, how is Deb doing? How did this inspire her to create her venture, Trying Not to Die, which works with cancer patients showing them how to LIVE?
We’re about to find out.
Deb’s hype song is “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten.
Resources:
Deb Krier’s website: https://tryingnottodie.live/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahkrier/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1465660477225232Also check out our episode, Replacing Fine with F*ck Off! with P.J. Roscoe which includes a theme related to something Deb and I discussed.
Invitation from Lori:
Now, let me mention that in my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a...
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First of all, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate all the work that’s gone into getting to this milestone of 150 episodes of Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
In past solos, I’ve talked about courage, doing what others won’t do, energy, and making decisions.
If you’re not familiar with what I do outside of this show, I work with business leaders and corporate teams, giving them tools and techniques so they can be more focused, resilient, and collaborative so they can manage the distractions in their heads that keep them from being as productive as they’d like and move projects forward with less stress and drama.
One of those techniques is meditation - but there’s often a lot of resistance around meditation, what it is, how to do it, etc.
There are many benefits, not least of which is meditation can decrease anxiety, it builds resilience. You’ll spend less time stuck in mulling over past mistakes and worrying about what might happen tomorrow.
In fact, a study at the University of Western Ontario followed an 8-week mindfulness program. Results showed participants experienced a 32% decrease in stress, a 30% decrease in anxiety and a 29% decrease in depression.
Tune in to this special episode and discover for yourself:
✅ When you can expect to see results from meditation
✅ The best time of day to meditate and how to use it to set yourself up to be more efficient and successful
✅ How you can easily make meditation a habit
✅ And much, much more packed into this powerful 23-minute episode!
This episode comes with a bonus called “Meditation: Clearing Anxiety” which is posted separately as a bonus episode.
Resources:
My Website: https://ZenRabbit.com/ LinkedIn: https://zenrabbit.com/linkedin/ Facebook: https://zenrabbit.com/facebook/ Instagram: https://zenrabbit.com/instagram/Invitation from Lori:
Much of what I included here comes from my digital Staying Calm in Chaos program.
If you’d like to get access to the entire program, where there’s a whole bunch more tools and techniques beyond meditation, you can find it at https://www.stayingcalminchaos.com/sp.
It’s time to step out of the clusterf*ck... of fear, regret, and disappointment, and into a place of peace and contentment!
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This meditation is designed to clear stress and anxiety so you can feel grounded and safe in this moment. Sometimes anxiety can spin you into a frenzy. Worrisome thoughts get stuck playing on an endless loop through your mind. It doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t serve you in any useful way.
Use this one to bring yourself back to tranquility, serenity, and calm.
Music credits: ©2017 Rebecca Reads Recordings Root Chakra Singing Bowls Note C
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In almost all of my episodes on Fine is a 4-Letter Word, I deal in varying degrees with the circles of life.
In two of the themes I explore with my guests – the values and beliefs they were raised with, and the moment in their life when they realized or found out that everything wasn’t “fine” – we see how these themes come together. And see where some of the conscious as well as the subconscious imprints either trigger the latter and/or blaze the trail for self-discovery, self-improvement, and self-actualization.
For the first time, I have a returning guest, Christina Robinson Race, who joined me 105 episodes ago for a conversation called “Lighting a Candle & Letting It Go”.
For a quick recap: Christina was raised in an abusive home and when she was sexually abused by a neighbor, got shut down by her covert narcissist mother who didn’t want to deal with it. There was no trust and no communication. During our conversation, we delved into how Christina and her husband had applied lessons from their upbringings in efforts to be better parents to their children, and how her desire to be an available, accessible parent had influenced her career path.
Today, we pick up with what’s happened since that episode. It’s been interesting to say the least, but it definitely hasn’t been “fine.”
The day we sat down for our update, Christina had just – and I mean within the couple days preceding – gotten out of surgery, packed up her house in Tennessee, and moved to Illinois to live with her now ex-husband, who in the intervening time had left her after having an affair with a younger colleague.
Christina’s children are coming along – her son is in the military, and one of her daughters is now starting as a teacher in a summer school.
The biggest challenges Christina has been working to overcome is having limited social interaction as an extrovert, taking things day-by-day as a person who was so organized she would have color-coded charts planning things out months in advance, and finding out that even when your children are grown, not only do you continue being a parent, but it takes on new and interesting forms!
Most people fear change, even positive change, because it involves the unknown. That’s why we settle for less, conform to others’ expectations, wonder how we became clones of our parents when we swore that would never happen, and stunt our own growth as human beings.
In a moment, when you meet Christina, or reconnect with her as the case may be, I invite you to open your mind and your heart as you prepare to discover answers to questions you didn’t even know to ask. Then be sure to stick around for the MANY takeaways, because there are some extremely powerful lessons here.
Christina’s hype song is "Brand New Me" by Alicia Keys.
Resources:
Christina Robinson Race’s websites: https://christinarobinsonrace.com/ and https://www.epremium.com/ Facebook: https://www.linkedin.com/in/crrace/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisraceAlso check out Christina’s previous episode, Lighting a Candle & Letting It Go.
Invitation from Lori:
Now, let me mention that...
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Your life is a collage of all the experiences you have, people you meet, and what you learn along the way.
Like many collages, even if they begin with a concept or a plan, as you bring them together they may take directions you hadn’t anticipated and show you things even more interesting than what you originally expected.
This was the case for Noemi Beres, whose professional work owning and managing a podcast booking agency involves helping people tell their stories and connecting them to hosts who provide the canvas for their verbal collage.
Growing up as an only child in a small town in Hungary, Noemi had loving, supportive parents as well as an extended family who nurtured her spirit, helped her fulfill her dreams, and saw things in her that she could not see in herself.
When Noemi started school, she was bullied by her classmates. Seeing that Noemi needed something bigger than that little school and town, her parents encouraged her to study abroad for a year in Denmark. After she came back to Hungary, locals barely recognized Noemi – she had become a different person.
The foundation was a level of confidence and clarity far beyond most young women her age. As she began her university studies, she fell in love with and quickly married a young man from her hometown. All these years later, they’re still married and going strong, so everything looks fine in that department.
Noemi finished college, moved to Ireland, and started her career and her family. She and her husband discovered their love of entrepreneurship and built a business together. They built a family when their son was born. And when they decided they preferred a Mediterranean climate, they moved to Cyprus and started their life there. Yep, everything’s fine there too.
But that word… “fine”… Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Just when everything seemed to be going well, Noemi’s father was diagnosed with cancer. He was given a six-month prognosis, but beat the odds and lived two years, passing away in 2019. A few months after that, her paternal grandmother suffered an injury and died as a result. A few months after that, the pandemic hit and Noemi and her husband lost their business and found themselves starting over professionally.
In the midst of all this grief, Noemi reconnected with her flair for art. She had begun weaving collages while sitting with her sick father. This passion took on a life of its own and she now incorporates her love of photography, as she creates collages using family photos with pictures she takes.
In a moment, when you meet Noemi, you’ll see how all the threads of her life experience come together as she plans to publish a book of collages and participate in a very unique pilgrimage!
Noemi’s hype song is "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters.
Resources:
Noemi Beres’ website: https://www.podcastconnections.co/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/noemiberes/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/noemi.beres Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/noemi_beres_/Invitation from Lori:
Now, let me mention that in my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a...
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Having compassion for people is generally considered a good thing and a sign that you’re a decent and kind person who makes an effort to make the world a better place by being part of it.
Raised in a religious household, Tara LaFon Gooch learned the value of love and kindness towards others. However, she struggled to extend that same love and compassion to herself.
She came from a home with an abusive, toxic father who disappeared from the picture just when she was beginning to discover the meaning of life from an adult perspective, and she hasn’t seen him since she was 14. You see already the conflict in energies and values.
Confidence was a major issue for Tara, and in so many ways she was down on herself.
On March 16, 2022, she found herself sitting alone in her garage, having just quit a job that featured a highly toxic work environment, contemplating ending her life.
How had everything gone so wrong? Why doesn’t it ever get any better? “If I have a purpose, let me know. If there’s anybody that can hear me, just let me know,” she cried.
Things were not fine at all – and Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Then she heard a voice in her mind that said, “Your life has meaning but you need to give more.”
After hearing that message, Tara discovered some powerful lessons.
One of them was giving yourself radical permission to accept that your memories of past experiences and traumas are YOUR memories – and the simple fact that they may not actually be exactly what happened does not make them less real. Reframing negative experiences can lead to personal growth.
Also, when you have conditions like Tara’s - major depressive disorder and anxiety - you find yourself crying in the shower, screaming into the void, wondering what’s wrong with you and why it has to be this way. Treatments usually involve years of therapy, often combined with medications that make you feel worse, not better.
But then she found a treatment that costs nothing, yet rewires neural pathways and increases dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain.
In a moment, when you meet Tara, you’ll learn all about this “wonder drug”.
Tara’s hype song is “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor.
Resources:
Tara LaFon Gooch’s website: https://taralafongooch.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tara-lafon-gooch Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tara.lafon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taralafongooch/X: https://x.com/Taralafongooch Watch Tara LaFon Gooch’s TedX Talk now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vuq-HJb_QdsInvitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you can discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes. Even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to...
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Picture yourself living what seems like a regular life as a parent and entrepreneur, where everything seems uneventful and you have every reason to expect the rest of your life to follow a pretty straightforward path. You know, everything’s FINE.
Then, one day you go to pick up your kids from school and all of a sudden you’re seeing double.
Next thing you know, your life has been turned completely upside-down, your legs are numb and you’re sitting in a wheelchair.
In what version of reality could you picture yourself becoming an Olympic weightlifter just five years later?
This is Kim Rahir’s story of how Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Fortunately, she was raised with two values that would support her through her unexpected midlife journey – always be ready to show up and perform, and conscientiously show respect for people and take them as you find them.
Along with these values, she became a person who did not wallow in self-pity or claim victimhood status. There was no asking “why me?” when faced with adversity.
When she first started seeing double that day when she was 45 and picking her kids up from school, her doctor suggested she might be experiencing a cerebral hemorrhage and urged her to hail the next taxi to the hospital. After a long series of tests combined with the onset of additional health issues, it eventually became apparent she had Multiple Sclerosis (MS).
Now wait – five years later she was at the gym training to become an Olympic-level weightlifter?
As you’re about to discover, her doctor discouraged her from doing it in a way that indicated he didn’t want to be involved. She was told to take all sorts of injections that made her feel worse, and ultimately traded them in for some ibuprofen. All of it made her feel disrespected, and she had to find a way to reclaim her power.
This isn’t the outcome you’d imagine for someone who has Multiple Sclerosis - nor would you picture her becoming a fitness coach helping women feel fabulous doing 15 minutes of work each day.
In a moment, when you meet Kim, you’ll be awestruck by her comeback story.
Kim’s hype song is “Far From Over” by Frank Stallone.
Resources:
Kim Rahir’s website: https://kimrahir.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kim-rahir/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kim.rahir/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kim.rahir/ Take Kim Rahir's free Strength and Health Assessment today to find out exactly where you are at and what will be your best next steps: https://link.roasmail.com/widget/survey/GiXtvmtUw9cHkOlCRRLGInvitation from Lori:
In my special guide, 5 Easy Ways to Start Living the Sabbatical Life, you'll discover, step-by-step, how you can stop settling for “fine” and look at your life with a fresh set of eyes even if, like many people in today’s high-speed world, you’re not in a position to take a month or year-long sabbatical.
You know how you normally hear the disclaimer “Don’t try this at home!” In this case, you CAN try this at home. And not just “try,” DO.
Once you read it, you’ll
✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.
✅ Learn how to own your...
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