Episodi
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In this episode, we're going to explore the many subtypes of narcissistic abuse. Yes, there are so many that we need to employ a categorization system. In fact, there are so many that this will be a two-part episode.
A core focus will be understanding what makes narcissistic abuse so distinctly damaging compared to other forms of mistreatment. We'll illustrate how these toxic manipulators operate and the mind-bending reality distortions they employ to maintain control. We'll examine the traumatic effects of behaviors like love bombing, boundary violations, splitting, gaslighting, and the pernicious blame-shifting of DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).
Of course, we'll end by sharing some crazy mom stories and tools we used this week to maintain our sanity.
Have you experienced any of these tactics? Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how it affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram!
Weâre so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Donât forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [email protected]!
What We Cover In This Episode:
⢠A brilliant quote and analogy about what itâs really like having a narcissistic parent and some of the ways in which victims of this type of abuse can feel [1:33]
⢠What makes narcissistic abuse different than other kinds of abuse [5:05]
⢠Our thoughts on the love bombing and devaluation that occurs with narcissistic abuse and why this sort of cycle is so overwhelming to the system of the victim [12:17]
⢠The ways that ignoring boundaries play a key piece in narcissistic abuse [20:08]
⢠What the DARVO acronym stands for and a role-play that demonstrates its nuances [22:33]
⢠Our weekly âMini Crazy Mom Offâ stories that cover triangulation, destabilization and more [30:09]
⢠The tools we both used this week and how Elizabethâs may seem counterintuitive, but was effective for her [41:50]
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¡. Links & Resources:
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-abuse/
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/abuse/narcissistic-abuse-examples-how-to-identify-if-youre-a-victim-of-abuse/
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In this episode, Elizabeth and Megan explore the intricate world of attachment wounds, particularly those etched by the icy touch of narcissistic parents. We examine the critical concept of "mirroring" in infancy and the long-term effects these formative experiences have on our adult lives. Weâre going to unpack how early relationshipsâor the lack thereofâset the stage for a lifetime of complicated emotional navigation. With scientific studies and personal stories, we shed light on the challenges of growing up under the cold gaze of caregivers more akin to wire monkeys than warm humans. Come along as we wade through these emotional undercurrentsâit's like therapy, but with more jokes and fewer copays.
Weâre so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Donât forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [email protected]!
What We Cover In This Episode:
⢠What attachment is in general and what weâd like you to understand about the concept of âmirroringâ as a baby [4:51]
⢠A classic study using monkeys that revealed the importance of maternal contact and reinforces what we are talking about on todayâs episode about attachment [13:07]
⢠The ways in which having a narcissistic parent is a lot like having a wire monkey parent [17:13]
⢠What the science shows about the issues you can have as an adult after facing this sort of trauma from an early age [18:03]
⢠Two metaphors that accurately describe what itâs like to grow up in this sort of situation [28:12]
⢠Meganâs âMini Crazy Mom Offâ and a story about her mother and playdates that impacted the way that she saw herself as a child [34:39]
⢠Elizabethâs âMini Crazy Mom Offâ and what it led to in terms of how she viewed the material things she possesses [46:09]
⢠A time this week we were triggered and the simple tools we used to bring ourselves back to feeling more secure and safe [54:46]
Links & Resources:
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/obsonline/harlows-classic-studies-revealed-the-importance-of-maternal-contact.html
https://www.thechatner.com/p/wire-mother-energy-drink
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/creating-secure-attachment
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Episodi mancanti?
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Join us on this weekâs journey into the heart of darknessâokay, maybe just the heart of trauma, but letâs be real, sometimes it feels like the same thing. This week, weâre unearthing the behemoth known as complex trauma in an episode we've aptly named "Jurassic Trauma." Why Jurassic? Because some wounds are as old and as deep as dinosaur bones, and just as tricky to handle without the right equipment.
We also unravel the "raindrop theory," because honestly, telling someone with complex trauma to "just get over it" isn't helpful. We distinguish the heavy-hitters from the everyday stresses that push us to grow. And yes, we tackle that eye-roller: âdoesnât everybody have trauma?â with some truths that might just make you nod in agreementâor at least make you laugh a little. Plus, tune in for our beloved âMini Crazy Mom Offââitâs like family game night, but nobody wins a prize and everybody needs therapy after. Grab your emotional umbrella, folks, weâre about to make it rain wisdom, laughs, and maybe a few tears (the good kind. We hope).
Weâre so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Donât forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!
What We Cover In This Episode:
Join us on this weekâs journey into the heart of darknessâokay, maybe just the heart of trauma, but letâs be real, sometimes it feels like the same thing. This week, weâre unearthing the behemoth known as complex trauma in an episode we've aptly named "Jurassic Trauma." Why Jurassic? Because some wounds are as old and as deep as dinosaur bones, and just as tricky to handle without the right equipment.
We also unravel the "raindrop theory," because honestly, telling someone with complex trauma to "just get over it" isn't helpful. We distinguish the heavy-hitters from the everyday stresses that push us to grow. And yes, we tackle that eye-roller: âdoesnât everybody have trauma?â with some truths that might just make you nod in agreementâor at least make you laugh a little. Plus, tune in for our beloved âMini Crazy Mom Offââitâs like family game night, but nobody wins a prize and everybody needs therapy after. Grab your emotional umbrella, folks, weâre about to make it rain wisdom, laughs, and maybe a few tears (the good kind. We hope).
Weâre so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Donât forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!
What We Cover In This Episode:
⢠Where the term gaslighting comes from, plus an important distinction about what it is and isnât [11:18]
⢠Our main topic of the day, trauma, and how the definition of the word has changed so much in the last 5 years [31:25]
⢠What the âraindrop theoryâ is and why just saying âget over itâ doesnât work with victims of trauma, particularly the complex type [33:45]
⢠Distinguishing between trauma and something that challenges you or stresses you in order to grow [41:32]
⢠How to know if youâve had trauma as a result of narcissistic abuse and the specific questions to ask yourself during this self-reflection [46:38]
⢠What we say when we hear, âdoesnât everybody have trauma?â [64:47]
⢠Another edition of our âMini Crazy Mom Offâ with two significant stories from our past [68:25]
⢠How we both used human connection and leaning on our support system recently to get through difficult situations [81:23]
Links & Resources:
001: Welcome to Our Nightmare
https://www.ilcadv.org/will-you-light-the-gas-please-a-brief-history-of-the-term-gaslighting-and-the-movie-behind-it/
https://medium.com/@artchangeslives/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-feign-response-1765d7227775
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In this first episode, Megan and Elizabeth introduce themselves, talk about growing up in a narcissistic family, and explain why they embraced being terrible daughters. If youâve been struggling with making sense of your childhood or you want to know more about what emotional abuse looks like, this is the place for you. And if you know that you grew up in a toxic family and want to find community, know that you belong here, too.
Weâre so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Donât forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!
What We Cover In This Episode:
A look at what this podcast is all about, and who it is and isnât for [2:02]
What functional loss is and how we will be exponentially expanding the definition of grief [20:12]
A breakdown of narcissism and personality disorders, plus how they differ from one another [27:15] Why weâre using narcissism as catch-all term for narcissism, borderline personality, and anti-social personality disorders [44:43] A big realization that Elizabeth recently made from what the clients she works with have told her [55:06] How to tell if you have a narcissistic parent and the resource that Megan used which brought so much clarity to her own relationship with mother [56:32] What our âCrazy Mom Offâ segment will be and some stories from both of our lives that we want to share [64:17]
Additional tools that we both use to get through difficult times on our own journeys [55:24]Links & Resources:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-23099-001
https://theawarenesscentre.com/narcissistic-parent/
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3ay1zfrv72snm0pn8koie/ANamvpZWLJ2tpn1ulH92ogc?rlkey=bjev5zkpvo1qhmqwsxpxqnv71&st=kyq7yqmx&dl=0
https://www.taramohr.com/the-playing-big-book/
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Wondering how to be a terrible daughter? Listen as Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper, mental health professionals who also happen to be cousins, discuss growing up in toxic families, surviving narcissistic abuse, and moving forward after trauma. The How To Be a Terrible Daughter podcast is a place to find community, put words to your experience, and laugh at the dark stuff. Weâll share our stories from our own childhoods, make mental health concepts easy to understand, and interview intriguing guests along the way. Oh, and you can also let Megan and Elizabeth hate your parents for you if you're having mixed feelings. We donât mind, weâve got plenty of pent up anger for everyone. If your parents have ever called you terrible, horrible or something even worse, come join us!