Episodi
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It’s time to stop feeling frustrated by your productivity. Host Lauren Fire shares the harrowing tale of creating a time management system she actually likes and shares a new way to look at the To-Dos in your life. How can we get stuff done and enjoy the process? Learn how to set yourself up to win and start working WITH yourself instead of fighting yourself. Stop cycling through organizational systems, books, and techniques that make no real impact and start creating your own. Get free happiness practices delivered to your inbox every other week by singing up for 3 Minutes to Zen here: Get Instant Access
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Your personal style is a powerful tool in your transformational toolbox. With a few shifts in your wardrobe, you can re-ignite the AMAZING parts of YOU that get overlooked in the hustle of everyday parenting life. Stylist Joui Turandot will teach us how to re-ignite ourSELVES by tuning into our personal style. Learn how to use your clothing to bring out the parts of you that you want to show the world. Learn how to use your wardrobe to shift your emotional state and to create the confidence, sexiness, and joy that you're craving. Break through personal style barriers and negative self-talk and bring the fun back into your wardrobe. Joui also shares a few style hacks and tricks that she uses to get more out of her closet and to find clothing that really inspires you. To get my free happiness exercises delivered to your inbox every other week, sign up at: 3 Minutes to Zen
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What if we didn’t use shame to motivate ourselves? Host Lauren Fire talks about the shame she’s been struggling with lately and teaches you a step-by-step process to transform your relationship with shame. Learn how to move from shame into appreciation and sef-acceptance. “You can hate your decision and not hate yourself. You have that choice.” - Lauren Fire In this episode, you will learn a new tool you can use to architect your inner world. What would it look like NOT to punish yourself when you make a mistake? What would it be like to say: “Yes, I made a decision and I don’t like the consequences. But so what!” Can you can accept yourself anyway? There are no “wrong” decisions, only consequences. Some we like, some we don’t. Either way, once you make a decision, it’s in the past. Shame only creates more suffering in the moment. If we can learn how to turn to appreciation and self-acceptance in the face of shame, we can create a positive feeling state that will counter the negative. Get 10 tools to transform your inner world FREE by signing up for the Treat Yourself Challenge: 10 Days, 10 Ways to Shift from Crappy to Happy
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Still trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up? Many parents find that they feel frustrated by their jobs after they have kids. Maybe you want a more flexible work week, fewer hours, less stress, or just want to change careers entirely. But where do you start?
In this inspiring conversation, mompreneur RB Fast will tell us her story of transitioning out of a busy career into her own profitable business while balancing motherhood. Learn how to open yourself to the dream of a different career and find the courage to ask yourself honestly: What would I love to do?
Get jazzed to try new things, meet new people, and open yourself up to the dream job you didn't know you'd love. Understand the danger of excuse-based thinking and start moving through fears blocks and transitioning while still keeping your day job. Learn how to create a support system with your family and friends.
Get free happiness practices every other week by signing up for: 3 Minutes to Zen
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How do you thrive amid the busyness and overwhelming details of parenthood? Host Lauren Fire discusses the two words that are finally allowing her to make real changes in her life. "At some point it stops becoming about what happened to you, whatever you blame things on, and it starts being about what you’re doing today in your head to continue that pattern and recreate the situation that is causing your pain, depression or anxiety.” -Lauren Fire Get Inspiring Mama’s free happiness practices every other week by signing up at: 3 Minutes to Zen
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Ever feel like your mind is running you? Learn how to turn down your mind and turn up your enjoyment. In this episode, host Lauren Fire gets macro and discuses how to find your true self and let go of the stupidity that floods your mind. With this new tool, you can reduce anxiety, depression, overwhelm, or stress. Learn how to stop taking the content of your mind so seriously. Get what it really means to find the SELF you’ve been looking for and create a new kind of relationship with your every day experience. When you learn to enter the present moment state, something magical happens, whether you’re washing the dishes or sitting on a cliff top in lotus pose. You connect with your SELF and you find a new level of intelligence and a place of acceptance and love. When you truly get this, you can stop trying to fix yourself and start trying to just be yourself. Get free happiness exercises by joining my community: Get Instant Access to 3 Minutes to Zen View the Show Notes Page, with links to the books and lectures quoted here: Show Notes
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I should be working out right now. I should be eating healthier. I shouldn’t be on Facebook. I should should should should! Using the word “should” in your head actually makes you LESS productive and MORE unhappy. Learn a 3-step process to get rid of the “shoulds” in your head that will empower you and propel you toward what you want. Use this exercise during times of high stress, anxiety, depression, or whenever you notice that you are feeling more guilt and shame than usual. Get written exercises like this every other week, FREE by signing up here: Get Instant Access to 3 Minutes to Zen Here is the 3-Step Process, called The Should-a-Nator: Step 1: Notice your “shoulds” What “should” you do? Ask yourself that question and I bet you’ll get a whole flood of all of the shoulds that your brain likes to beat you up with. You shouldn’t watch that much TV. You should be buying organic. You shouldn’t have quit breastfeeding so early. You should be running like that old high school friend on Facebook who lost 30lbs. Step 2: Ask: Do I “want” to do this? If so, replace “should” with “want.” Next time you notice a “should,” in real time, ask yourself “do I really want to do that”? Example: “I should be working out more. Do I want to work out more? Yes I do." Now replace “should” in your head with “want.” Example: I want to work out more. Notice how that makes you feel different than “I should be working out more.” "I want to work out more" propels you forward. It motivates you. If, every time you think “I should work out” you instead think “I want to work out” you are more likely to take the action of working out. Shoulds make us feel weak, they make us feel like we are teenagers being instructed by the parent in our head. They make us want to rebel and do the opposite. Self-abuse is a terrible way to motif ate yourself. If you are doing something to avoid your own harsh criticism, that sort of motivation is not sustainable. Find your want - your desire - for the result that you’re getting. Your desire for the result is the motivation that will take you from shoulding to actually taking action. if you actually want to accomplish the “should’ then change “should” to ‘want” and work to make that change permanent. The more you correct yourself in your head, the faster you can rewire your brain for success. Step 3: If the answer is “No” -Challenge your “should” or Schedule the task When you notice something you “should” do, ask yourself “do I want to do this?” If the answer is “no” then it’s time to reevaluate why you are shoulding this. Is the task something that actually needs to be done, or something that you just feel pressured to do? If the task actually needs to be done but you just don’t want to do it (like your taxes for example) then acknowledge that it needs to be done. Acknowledge that you don’t wan tot do it, but have to. and then pull out your calendar and plan a time to actually do it. Just pick a day, block off the time, and plan it. Then you can let it go. If the task is one you can let go - let it go. For example I hear “I should be making every bit of food that my daughter eats.” When I challenge that, I realize that it’s a ridiculous standard for myself. And I decide to let that one go. Or “I should be reading more fiction books.” Do I want to read more fiction books? No I don’t. It just seems like something other women do and enjoy. Let it go. See the difference?
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How do you “have it all” without burning out? People keep telling you to “slow down” or “de-stress” but how do you slow down when life won’t slow down? How do you keep your body and mind healthy while trying to be, do and enjoy everything you want?
Dr. Karen Osburn takes a new look at burnout. Instead of slowing down when life speeds up, Dr. Karen has learned how to step up. All while taking care of her body, mind, marriage, and children. Learn how she thrives when the going gets tough, and how you can too.
"Burnout only happens when you are not fulfilling all your body's needs (physically, mentally and emotionally), OR if you are all in for one aspect of your life (i.e. business), and neglect everything else.” - Dr. Karen Osburn.
View the show notes for this episode here: Burnout
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Striving for “Balance” is like being a mouse in an endless maze looking for cheese that doesn’t exist. It can lead to guilt, shame, worry, anxiety, and unhappiness. In this episode, you will learn a new way to think of time management and balance that will reduce your guilt and have you quickly enjoying more of your life. Society’s notion of balance has parents striving for some magical place where all parts of their lives feel equally cared for. Given the complicated nature of a family, the whole notion of balance simply gives us food for our guilt monster. You feel guilty when you work instead of spend time with your kid. Then you feel guilty when you leave work early to spend time with your kid. You feel guilty because you haven’t made time for your friends, then feel guilty leaving your kid with a sitter to go to dinner. It goes on and on. When I gave up thinking that I could balance anything and started instead doing what I’m teaching in this episode, I felt a huge weight get lifted. This episode is part of my series: 3 Minutes to Zen: The Joy Toolbox for Busy Parents. Get a free joy practice like this every week by signing up here: Get Instant Access To download a summary of the lessons in this episode visit: Balance Schmalance
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A sick child, a baby in the NICU, divorce, and loss...how do you cope with the most difficult struggles? Author Kayla Aimee shares her story of finding gratitude and hope through the flood of difficulties she faced when her daughter was born prematurely at 25 weeks. How do you not hit anyone who says "Everything happens for a reason..."? How do you "stay strong" when you are crumbling and can't find anything to hold onto? How do you find any sort of peace or comfort when life is ridiculously difficult? When she was born, Kayla's daughter weighed less than six sticks of butter. In her new book, Anchored: Finding Hope in the Unexpected, Kayla shares the life lessons that got her through the hardest and most traumatic time in her life. "I want her to see me that way as her mom. I want her to seem me as someone who chooses hope and joy and laughter in the middle of hard things. Because I hope as she gets older, she will too. And I hope that will make her path a little bit easier." - Kayla Aimee In this incredibly powerful interview, Kayla honestly digs into how she dealt with her crisis and shows us the "how" in "how in the world did you get through it?" Her story will give you hope, inspiration, and a path to healing. Is someone close to you struggling? Kayla's insights will also help you understand the eye of the storm so that you can more effectively help your loved one sail through. This one is not to be missed! Sign up for 3 Minutes to Zen and I will send you a free happiness practice every week as I write my new book! Get Instant Access
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What does Dora the Explorer have in common with your intuition? Find out in an episode dedicated to finding YOU.
Find your true north voice of intuition and the place of inner compassion and self-love. It exists!
Through a riddle and discussion, you will discover the part of you that can guide you much more effectively and solidly. Find a soft place to land inside your internal world.
Calm the drama in your head. Learn a new way to think about your stories, habits, beliefs and personality traits.
Sign up for my list to receive episode summaries for each podcast eposide as well as other short happiness practices. Join here: Get Instant Access
Episode Summary:
I’m the Ground … I’m the Ground…I’m the Ground…I’m the GROUND!
The title of this episode occurred to me while I was attempting to meditate with Dora the Explorer stuck in my head: “I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map…” yea you get it.
Let's start with a riddle.
Riddle:
Imagine you are on a halfway crowded dance floor, dancing to amazing music. Look around at the people you see.
Suddenly, something about the arrangement of the people on the dance floor bothers you. So you move one tall guy with blonde hair over and pair him with a smaller woman dancing with her eyes closed. They continue to dance. You try to push a small stout man off the dance floor with a shove, but he doesn’t budge. Then you run quickly over to try to calm a hysterical child in the other corner.
Then, everything feels ok again.
You go back to dancing and enjoying the moment, the music.
But then a woman starts screaming and brings you back into more dance floor drama. You move quickly around the dance floor, making peace, trying to re-arranging people, to fix everything.
WHO are you?
Solution:
This little riddle actually demonstrates how we run the show in our heads. Each person on the dance floor of your mind is a belief, value, story, habit, or personality trait inherited from your past.
We spend our time trying to control these dancers and brutally change parts of ourselves using self-criticism, shame and guilt. We think that if we can just find the right way to do things and fix the broken parts of ourselves, then and only then we can relax, receive, and enjoy our lives.
But all of this work on our heads is exhausting. We can never seem to get it quite right. The process seems to create more anxiety, fear, and stress. And worse, we’re missing the party!
What if there was a different way to do it? What is there was an internal voice that we could listen to that would calm us, give us compassion, and help us make decisions outside of all of that noisy Stuff.
To find that voice, we have to answer the original riddle.
WHO are you?
You are reorganizing the people, rearranging, but you are not the people. You are not your stories, or beliefs. You are not even your “personality.”
You are the ground underneath it all.
You are just the ground. You are that which supports your stuff. You are the one with the front row seat to the craziness that happens in your head.
You don’t have to please those voices, calm the storms, fix anything about yourself, or get caught up in your “Stuff Drama”. You can watch it like a movie – the neutral observer mentioned in mindfulness teachings.
There is nothing that can happen that could make the ground bad, or wrong, or not good enough. That sounds ridiculous. The ground just is.
And you just are. All of that stuff can dance around on top of you, but YOU are that support for it.
So many of us feel like our value as people, whether we are a “good person” or a “bad person,” whether we are deserving of love, and whether we can let ourselves enjoy the moment, is related to how well we can organize our stuff and succeed.
If we don’t succeed, or feel happy, or be social enough, or buy the house, or whatever standard we set up – we don’t let ourselves relax, receive, and enjoy our lives. We must fix!
When you realize that you are the ground, you realize that your ability to relax, receive, and enjoy is not tied at all to your success, failure, or any other stuff.
Let yourself be the ground, and you will stop getting so caught up in the drama of your head. That’s when your intuition will show up in full force.
You will start to find compassion, kindness, self-love, and the YOU that you’re always looking for.
SO whenever you notice yourself getting caught up in your “Stuff Drama”, maybe feeling ashamed, criticized, anxious, depressed, or any emotional storm, remind yourself “I’m the ground, I’m the ground, I’m the ground, I’m the ground, I’m the GROUND!”
And remember that none of it means anything about you. I mean, you’re the f-ing ground. Why should you care?
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"It's never too late to have a happy childhood" - Tom Robbins Learn a new way to think about your relationship with the voices in your head. How do you actually go about reprogramming your brain to change the patterns that cause things like stress, anxiety, depression, self-criticism, and addiction? In this episode, you will learn how to recognize the destructive voices and patterns in your head and lay down new patterns that support and nourish you. Host Lauren Fire shares the concept of re-parenting and taking back control over the way that you talk to yourself. This episode will show you how to start to reshape your patterns and reshape how you treat yourself. It’s time to finally change, to finally be the person you’ve always wanted to be. How do you get YOU to emerge? The you that you know you can be… Show Summary: I. Re-Parenting Yourself “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” - Tom Robbins We all carry a parent with us in our heads. Most of our character, values, and personality comes from how we were parented as children. We adopted the model of our parents, in our heads. Once you realize this, you can get stuck in blame and anger at your parents, resenting them for how they treated you. But there is no way out of this. It doesn’t matter what happened to you back then. It already happened. The real issue to focus on is: Who is the parent in your head NOW? At some point it ceases to be your parent’s fault anymore, because you are doing this to yourself. You can stop doing it. You can re-shape the parent in your head. This podcast episode is about a process you can go through to, in essence, re-parent yourself. You get to create the parent in your head. You can re-shape it. That’s why it’s never too late to have a happy childhood. II. "It’s My Life!” - Taking Back Control The first step in re-parenting is to take back control. My daughter is two, and recently started saying “It’s my life!” whenever we try to convince her to brush her teeth or get into bed. That phrase has stuck in my head so much that I’ve actually started using it in the way I look at my life. Whenever I start to notice the self criticism or the parent that I don’t want controlling my head, I say to myself “It’s my life!” I don’t want to feel guilty about the clothes on my floor. I don’t want to feel mad at myself for not getting enough done. I want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy this moment not worry about how my hair looks. It’s my life! See you are always more than that voice. You are not your critical voice. You have a critical voice. You are the one who observes it. You are the container where the voices live. So don’t let the voices control your day to day experience of your life. III. Playing Dolls with Your Subconscious - Establishing the New Parent Now that you have decided you want to take back control, you pick the new patterns that you want. What were you missing in your childhood? What are you doing differently from your parents? For me, I need more nurturing, support, unconditional love, compassion, emotional support. Once you decide what you are missing, what sorts of things would you need to say to yourself to invoke these feelings? What sorts of things would you have wanted your parents to say to you? What would help you now? For me, its: It’s ok. Trust me. You can trust me. Relax. I’m not going anywhere. NO matter what you do, I will pick you up, I will love you, I will support you. You’re ok. Just cry if you need to. It’s going to look better tomorrow. This is just sadness, you’ll be ok. I’m recreating in my head the safe place to land that I’ve always needed. I’m creating a place of ultimate compassion, that no matter what, I’ve got my back. No matter what I do or don’t do, I will still love myself. What kind of place do you want to create for yourself? Now pick scenarios that generally trigger you and cause emotional storms. Role-play in your head how you would like that parent voice to respond. Play dolls, in essence, with the voices in your head. It will feel weird at first, like these voices are not mature. They are not overly developed. So it’s like you’re dealing with a child in your head that you want to turn into a parent. So you have to be gentle with it. Practice this regularly and you will start to shift your entire life. Get a personal growthy tool delivered to your inbox every other week - free - by signing up for 3 Minutes to Zen: Get Instant Access
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Do you ever feel trapped by the situation you are in or by what someone has done to you? We create false limits for ourselves based on our circumstances. Guest Sonia Johnson, the founder of Box Me Mommy shares her powerful story of creating a beautiful life and business, despite growing up in an abusive family. Your ability to create the life you want is not dependent on your income, family, or back story. Your happiness and success is inextricably tied to the way YOU see yourself and your life so far. This means you have way more power than you are using. In this episode, learn how to let go of blame and anger at what happened to you and see yourself as MORE than your circumstances. Sonia grew up with a drug addicted father, an abusive mother, an even more abusive step father, gangs and violence. But through it all, Sonia kept her vision for her life clear. She always saw herself as more than her family or the abuse. No matter what happened, she kept believing she could create what she wanted and be more. Now living a very successful life, Sonia shares her journey and teaches us the lessons that kept her moving forward. This is a powerful interview that you don’t want to miss! Want to learn more about life and happiness? Sign up for my free online series: 3 Minutes to Zen - Happiness Practices for Busy Parents. Get Instant Access
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We all have that critical voice in our heads that makes us feel guilty and ashamed. “You’re a bad parent because…” or “why didn’t you work harder and get more done?” You can’t get rid of it, but you can change the way you relate with it and seize its power over your day-to-day experience.
Host Lauren Fire takes you on a journey that will de-throne your judgmental voice and give you back the power to feel more confident, peaceful, and capable in your life. Learn a process you can start using immediately to give the middle finger to your inner judge.
“At some point, you will just stop caring what your inner judge thinks of you.” – Lauren Fire
Self-criticism is one of the worst ways to motivate yourself. Although it feels like it’s working, inner judgment, shame, and guilt rob you of self-esteem and can spin you into depression and anxiety.
The more you engage with your inner judge by fighting with it or complying, the more powerful it will become. Numbing it out with alcohol, food or TV doesn’t work either.
How do we free ourselves?
We must learn to disengage from the judge. In this Podcast you will learn what the inner judge is and where it came from. You will understand how you’ve been engaging with the judge without realizing it, giving it more power. Then you will learn how to change the way you relate to the judge once and for all. Put it in the corner and turn down it’s volume.
Click here to sign up for Inspiring Mama’s free online series: 3 Minutes to Zen
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Who does the dishes more often? Who wakes up more with baby? Who shuttles the kids around more? While simple, these issues can create resentment that may spell trouble in a relationship. Guests Marcus and Ashley Kusi of the podcast The First Year Marriage Show and authors of the book Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting, share practical tips and advice for parents on communication, workload distribution, and negotiating the shared responsibility of caring for kids. According to research, approximately 80 percent of couples experience a huge drop in marital quality during the transition to parenthood. One of the most common sources of marital tension comes from an unequal distribution of the workload that comes with parenthood. "It’s important to remember that no one is perfect and you’re both going to fail every day…” - Ashley Kusi
Learn how getting on the same team, not keeping score, and appreciating instead of nagging can help balance the workload without fighting. Learn how to practice “empathetic listening,” and understand how to the appreciate and give your spouse space while also balancing your desire to get things done. Marcus and Ashley will also teach you how to confront your partner about a workload balance problem as well as how to choose a family theme that will guide not only your relationship but also your children's future relationships. To get Marcus and Ashley’s E-Book, Family Themes, click here: Get Instant Access To join my online series and receive an email every other week with a free happiness practice, sign up here: 3 Minutes to Zen -
This little trick is super useful when you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, nervous or when your head feels noisy. Learn how to turn to your brain and say SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Get more exercises like this for free by joining 3 Minutes to Zen, my online series: Get Instant Access Exercise Summary: I spent years learning how to meditate, reading books, going to classes and even silent retreats. I remember sitting in one particular silent retreat just cursing my mind because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t turn it off. Meditation felt awful to me. Then one day I finally figured out that turning your mind off is impossible. Even serious meditators will tell you that trying to clear your mind is a useless endeavor. Instead of trying to turn OFF the noise in your head, try this exercise. Turn your awareness to your body. When I saw awareness, I mean - what are you paying attention to? Ok, let me back up. To answer this question, you first have to realize that YOU are something completely separate from your brain and your body. YOU are the thing that pays attention to your brain or your body. YOU are the capacity for awareness. Deep I know, but follow me here. You can only pay attention to a few things at a time. Think of your attention like a spotlight. You can turn it onto your thoughts or you can turn it down to your body. When you pay attention to something, it gets brighter and louder. When you don’t pay attention to it, it gets quieter and in turn impacts you less. Let’s take an example. Right now, pay really exquisite attention to your right hand. Feel if it’s cold or hot. Is it heavy or light? Move your index finger, what does that really feel like if you were trying to describe it? When you turned your attention to your finger, did you notice much more than you were noticing previously? When you turn your attention to your thoughts, they are louder and harder to handle. When you, instead, turn your attention down to your body, your thoughts feel farther away, quieter. You can turn your attention to one part of your body, your foot, a toe, your nose. Or you can just turn your attention to your body as a whole. I like to think of my attention like sand. When I’m paying more attention to my brain (in mindfulness we call that “In your head”) the sand is in my head. But when I deliberately turn my attention to my body, I picture that sand flowing down out of my head, down my neck, and into my body. I let the sand drift down and feel more and more heavy in my feet or in my butt if I’m sitting. Try this now. Close your eyes and turn your attention from your head to your body. Get “into your body” as we like to say in mindfulness practice. You can do all this in seconds, just turn your awareness to your body and let go of whatever is happening in your mind. This exericse is an exerpt from 3 Minutes to Zen, my online series: Get Instant Access
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How do you cope with loss, grief, anger, or deep sadness? Host Lauren Fire discusses a recent loss in her life and explains how old patterns like self-judgment can rear their ugly heads in difficult times. Understand your own emotional process a little better and feel inspired to bring self-compassion into your life in a stronger way.
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Creating a closer partnership with your body can skyrocket your personal growth journey. Guest Erin Burch, aka The Body Whisperer, shares a mind-blowing new way to think about body alignment and emotional health. If you've been struggling to change something in your mind, this podcast could be the missing piece to your puzzle. Learn an exercise you can use right now to feel more secure and confident, and learn an awareness technique that can change your relationship with your body. There is a place in your body where tension is designed to be held. Erin calls it your "core container." When you learn how to stack your body's blocks properly and carry tension in this core container, you can uncover freedom of movement and emotion. In this episode you will learn how to discover this "core container" on your body to start changing your tension patterns. Once I lined up my body and learned how to hold myself up the way my body was meant to work, I was able to think more clearly and feel more joy. It turns out that shifting patterns of tension in your body can be like the fast track to shifting things your mind. Body alignment has actually made my personal growth shifts easier. Learn more about Erin Burch and sign up for my free online series 3 Minutes to Zen at: Show Notes
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It takes a village. In this episode you will learn how to create one from "momlationship” expert Melanie Dale, the author of the new book Women Are Scary: The Totally Awkward Adventure of Finding Mom Friends.
Learn how to take a new mom acquaintance through the four “bases” of mom dating to create the nourishing friendships you are craving. “We make each other better moms, better humans,” writes Dale. “We need each other, because mothering is just too darn hard."
In this interview, Dale shares her unexpected journey into momalationships and the lessons she has learned as she has built her own support network. Learn how to develop real soul-southing relationships, avoid foot-in-the-mouth moments and navigate the pitfalls of new friendships.
Sign up for Inspiring Mama's free online series 3 Minutes to Zen: Short Happiness Practices for Parents - Get Instant Access
Learn more about Melanie Dale and buy her book: Show Notes
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Got kitchen overwhelm? Feeding the family right has become a source of stress for many parents. Holistic nutritionist and mom Anastasia Hendryanto talks about strategies for preparing real food without getting overwhelmed or spending all day in the kitchen.
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