Episodi
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This is another wide-ranging discussion, where this time we touch on some of the neuroscience behind why it feels to bad to lose; as well as exploring a range of situations that we might see as ‘losing’.
We talk about playing games or sports (Jimmy Conners, the tennis ace once said that he hated losing more than he loved winning!) as well as the losing we experience if the team we support loses, or even if the political party we support doesn’t win in an election.
We explore the sense of defining ourselves by our wins or loses, or those we support. And we discuss the possibility of unhooking ourselves from association, to experience success and loss as simply part of living, not something that says anything very important about us.
Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:
www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)
www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this wide-ranging conversation, we explored where our need for approval might come from and discovered that it has a different start-point for each of us. And that will most likely be true for those listening too. The point is that it leaves us unsure of our own opinions, and creates a desire to check out what others think.
Sometimes that’s helpful of course, when seeking advice, someone else might have knowledge that would be useful for us when making a decision. The issue comes when we can’t make a decision for ourselves without being swayed by the views of those around us.
We discuss how we might trust our gut more; rely on our own values, beliefs, and needs and trust that our choice is the right one. Sometimes there is not a single right answer, just what’s right, right now, for me.
Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:
www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)
www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Episodi mancanti?
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In this episode we discuss whether there is really a fixed ‘me’, a single authentic self. We are all slightly different in different situations, so what does that mean?
We explore the idea that all the versions of us are actually simply different parts of us coming to the fore, being most prominent or in charge; what Adrienne describes as which part of her is driving the bus!
One of the few certainties in life is that there is constant change, and we talked about this meaning that, even though we grow, change, and develop throughout our lives, we can still simply be ourself in that moment.
Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:
www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)
www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we discuss why it is that sometimes we get stressed over things that feel quite small, and we talk about what else might be going on – how much capacity we have for one more irritation.
We discuss strategies to reframe the situations over which we have no control and how we might grow our bucket of coping so that things do not overwhelm us. The practice is to see small moments of irritation (being stuck in a queue, noise over which we have no control, etc) as opportunities for practice!
The ‘small wins’ can help us to build resilience and be able to access our coping techniques with the bigger things in our lives.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode, we touch on the evolutionary benefits of having our attention pulled away to new things, and how that does not always work to our advantage in the modern world! With so much noise and distraction in day to day life we need strategies to stay focused which benefit us and ultimately those we interact with.
We have a wide-ranging conversation about our personal experiences, and those of our clients. We discuss strategies on how to stay focused, and how to manage the discomfort that a scattered mind and lack of focus creates.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode, we explore that assertiveness isn't necessarily a natural human state and we discuss this topic from our personal perspectives. In the past, Adrienne experienced expressing a contrary view with someone as conflict. She was unable to see a difference between asking clearly for her needs to be taken into account, and being aggressive.
Lucy, on the other hand, has experienced others mistaking her enthusiasm for aggression. We had a really interesting conversation about these differing experiences, and about how remaining calm and mindful has helped us both express our opinions in a way that others can hear.
You can find us at:
email: [email protected] or website: adriennekirk.uk
email: [email protected] or website: presenceofmind.life
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we discuss our own responses to surprises and explore what’s behind our dislike of them. We wonder if there’s an aspect of control in our reactions, where we have a little more control, we are more open to surprises, and when we don’t have any control, we find surprises more difficult. We also explore how disappointing surprises can be if we had an idea in mind for how it was "supposed to be"!
We muse on the impact of wishful thinking when we know something about the surprise, and the consequence of the adrenaline hit when we don’t! As ever, there is some evolutionary impact and we also discuss being open to viewing a surprise with ‘beginner’s mind’, and a sense of openness and curiosity. Thus changing our relationship with it.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We have a guest with us to discuss this topic – Becky Loto. Affectionally known as “Bossy Becky”, Becky loves bringing out the brilliance in entrepreneurs and business leaders, by inspiring them to have the confidence to change & creating a calm where before there was stress and overwhelm.
Becky is a Certified Executive Business Consultant & Strategist, ILM Level 5 Certified Business Coach & Mentor, Property Investor, Networking Host, mum to a teenage daughter, wife to an Argentinian BBQ king and an Ocean Lover.
Becky talks about Blue Therapy and Adrienne offers Green Therapy to her clients, Lucy and Becky share a love of water, and we all like a good walk – this was a lovely meeting of minds about the benefits of being in nature!
Becky can be found here:
http://linkedin.com/in/rebecca-loto-4a381883
https://www.instagram.com/beckylotostrategist
https://www.facebook.com/becky.loto
https://www.tidesbusiness.com/about2
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode, we discuss why it is that sometimes we get overwhelmed, and sometimes we don’t! We explore these differences, and realise that it depends on what else is going on in our lives. We draw on our own experiences, talk about how we might recognise when we are beginning to feel overwhelmed, and we give some tips on self-care to help to avoid overwhelm and look after ourselves.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We were delighted to welcome Henri Ghijben as a guest for this episode. Henri talks about the concept of ‘failing forward’ and we explored the idea that failure is only negative if we don’t learn from it. Henri realised this when he faced losing his home, business and possibly even his family, and this has had a major impact on how he runs his business, and his life.
This was an inspiring conversation for us, and we hope that it will also inspire others to embrace the benefits of failing!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we discuss what we mean by ‘good enough’ (which is not just barely adequate!) and how we can be OK with doing the best we can with our available resources. This is a topic that comes up a great deal for both of us in our work, and for ourselves. We share our own experiences of when we have felt not good enough and how we work at being able to zoom out and see the bigger picture. And how we work at showing ourselves some compassion.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we have the lovely Amy Viola as our guest as we discuss the impact our hormones can have on our life, and the lives of those around us.
Amy is a clinical hypnotherapist, mindset coach and PMD empowerment mentor helping high achievers slow down, find balance and align with their true purpose, desires and needs. She also has a special interest in premenstrual disorders such as PMDD and PME and she helps women all over the world empower themselves to take more control over the relationship they have with their symptoms and cycle rather than their symptoms taking control of them.
Amy can be found here:
website: www.amyviola.co.uk
Instagram: @amyviola.hypnocoach & @pmdbalancemovement
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode, we discuss what we mean by self-care, and how that differs from the nice, fluffy candles and baths stuff (which is also lovely!). When we talk about self-care we are talking about listening to our body, putting our anxiety and overwhelm to one side (gently!) and go and do something that will be nourishing for us.
The work is in working out whether what would be helpful is to push ourselves out, or to chuck the duvet over our head! If we can get out of our heads and into our bodies, we know which we need, on a system-level, rather than in a head-trying-to-keep-us-safe way. And we share our own experiences of this tussle!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode Lucy and Adrienne are delighted to welcome their first guest, Sarah Bolitho. Sarah helps people create active lives by providing information, inspiration and ideas that are enjoyable, and effective, and don't involve the gym! With over 30 years in the health-related fitness field, she has worked with a range of clients including people living with long-term conditions, disabilities and mental health issues, and those recovering from treatment for cancer.
She has helped design qualifications for fitness and health professionals and works with organisations committed to getting people more active and making activity inclusive and accessible.
Sarah shows people how they can improve their health by including activity in their daily life starting where they are and finding what they enjoy.
Follow Sarah's podcast, Creating Active Lives, and she can be contacted at [email protected].
Sarah's socials:
podcast: https://www.creatingactivelives.buzzsprout.com
FB: https://www.facebook.com/sarahlouisebolitho
Linkedin: https:www.linkedin.com/sarahbolitho/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/fabnewlous_active_lives
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we discuss the feeling we all have sometimes of not really knowing how to be a ‘grown-up’, and the sense we have that other people don’t have that struggle. But we all do at times! How to be a parent, an employee, a human. Our brains like to make sense of the world, so we tend to think there is a ‘right way’ to do life and yet there isn’t. All we can do is the best we can with our available resources – physical, mental, psychological. And the work is to accept that is good enough!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Some people, (like us two!), are quite risk averse, but we are drawn to people who look like they are having more fun than us. If we want to be seen as fun, or popular, not to miss out then we can find ourselves doing things that we don’t feel comfortable with. If we aren’t aligned with our values then that really feels uncomfortable.
We can also find ourselves staying in contact with family members who are not good for us, who may be abusive. There can be lots of societal pressure on what it means to be a family, and that can make it really hard to put in boundaries that can support us.
The start point here might be to ‘zoom out’, to get some perspective on the impact of this relationship. This can help us to feel a sense of control, to be able to act in a way that is congruent with our needs, values and beliefs.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we explore that satisfaction is more about being content rather than trying to be happy all the time. As humans it’s hard for us to be OK with that – we seek out and crave the highs. Lots of what we learn from the world is that we ‘deserve’ a happily ever after’, however life is made up of all kinds of moments and ultimately ends for all of us with death! Often we have little control over how our life is, this is just how it is right now, and the work is to be OK, satisfied, with that. The things we think will satisfy us are usually external – shopping/drugs/food/etc. and these things are fleetingly pleasant at best. We discuss that satisfaction has to come from within, and how we can develop the skill of paying attention to the small things to support a feeling of satisfaction.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we discuss how we can sometimes have a sense that we are about to be in trouble, without even knowing why. This can come from different sorts of parenting/authority figures and is a mechanism to keep us safe, it’s just a maladaptive one, and seems to come from a sense of loss of control. We are primed to get into a fluster, and then our inner critic can kick in and we start to catastrophise.
We discuss ways of managing this like noticing the sensations that arise in those moments (which is easier said than done) and then to ask ourselves whether it is true or not. ‘It’s probably ok, it usually is’ has become a bit of a mantra for us both, and something we share with our clients.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we explore that others don't view us the way we see ourselves. The fact that we change over time is one of life’s great certainties, so family may have a very different view of us than friends do, and older friends a different version to the friends we have met more recently. We show different parts of ourselves to different people in different situations and yet all those parts are parts of us.
This conversation got a little existential – is there even a ‘real me’?! We discussed the idea that we amplify different aspects of ourselves with different people, in different times. And even with ourself when we are on our own. It can really support us to know that we are ever-changing, that everything is in flux, that there are different parts to us that show up in different amounts in different situations. And that’s OK, as long as we are true to our values!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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In this episode we discuss how boundaries, rather than putting up walls between us, are in fact about connecting us to others. They are also needed for taking care of ourselves and teaching others how to treat us. There are several different sorts of boundaries and we explore what these are and how they might show up. We talk about how we can use these ideas to take a step back, not to retaliate and to consider whether this is a ‘me thing’ or a ‘them thing’!
We also compare how we use the idea of boundaries in our respective client-work, and indeed in our own lives!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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