Episodi
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Well, this week the guys wrap up their discussion of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse with the dreaded In Laws! How should couples manage this minefield of family tension? And not only are the guys ending this series this week, sadly, Josh and Jimmy are ending their run as the Pairadocs. This will be the boys last show. Sad, but exciting. Listen in and find out why. BTW, all of you guys are the best! We love you.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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So, are you ready to meet the 3rd Horseman of the Marriage Apocalypse? Couple's fight about this one all the time! This topic reeks of power and security, therefore, it's a source for, all but constant, conflict. The topic? MONEY! "Sooooo, let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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Episodi mancanti?
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Last week, the guys kicked off a discussion of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse. The first was sex, and this week they will examine the all too hot topic of THE KIDS. Most couples tend not to be on the exact same page when it comes to discipline, expectations, and priorities when it comes to their kids, so...arguments tend to ensue. If this sounds like you, don't miss this week's episode!
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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You know it coming and you dread it like the plague, but at some point, in every family there comes the need to have “The Sex Talk.” In this case, however, we’re not talking about the sex discussion with you kids. This week, the guys delve into the sex talk that every couple needs to have and keep having to address one of the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse.
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PROBLEM:
Carries more baggage than a 747. Mention any possible negative and it can be interpreted as a very intimate, personal criticism We don’t talk about our sexual relationship. Only might be mentioned when something is wrong. As a rule, sex is the “unmentionable” in 99% of Christian homes Take any other “mutual” activity that a couple engages in, there is discussion about it. Cooking, exercise, entertainment… The assumption is that if we’re married, we should simply know what to do and how to do it. And if things aren’t great, then we suffer in silence, because, “We shouldn’t have to say anything.”SOLUTION:
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:3–5)Each spouse’s body belongs to the other, and a primary function of sex is to serve and bless each other. The ethic that runs throughout the New Testament applies to sex in marriage: we are to selflessly serve, thinking of the other first.
Love is putting someone else’s needs above your own. Sex is a physical manifestation of spiritual and emotional love between a husband and wife. TALK: If we don’t tell our spouse, they won’t know. Any time we don’t talk it is out of fear or frustration. Spouse’s shouldn’t fear their partner’s response. Past sexual history and sin, needs to be discussed, learned from, and not avoided Frequency, duration, & arousal all are impacted as you pass through life stages. Talk about having the talk. Don’t surprise them with it. Make suggestions; not complaints-----
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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Have you or your spouse ever said something along the lines of, “We argue over little things.”, or “None of our arguments ever get resolved.” If you have, then you have fallen headfirst into the Argument Black Hole. Join them this week, as the guys talk about the biggest mistake couples make when they have a disagreement.
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PROBLEM:
Arguing over facts Arguing over who’s reality is correct Winning is more important than solving the problem My Side Bias skews facts Memories are NOT accurate recordings of events. Research suggests that that we remember what we WANT to believe happenedSOLUTION:
Realize that the argument is not about the facts The event is the surface problem to a root cause Chose the hill you will die on Must be able to agree to disagree-----
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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Perfectionism. Most would agree that this personality trait is not great. BUT, if you are a perfectionist, you secretly, sort of, like being this way. It’s kind of like being a “workaholic.” We say we don’t like that aspect of our lives yet are inwardly proud of how much we can accomplish. Perfectionism is, not only, bad for us as an individual, but can be devastating in our home.
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PROBLEM:
See it in: Kids- upset if not perfect, performance anxiety Mom/Wives- Clean house, fixation on kid’s performance, behavior, and dress, can’t leave work at work Dad/Husbands- How things look, Sports, irritation as substandard behavior/dress… Hold double standard You're constantly evaluating yourself, and not living up to who you believe you could be. This induces shame. Procrastination can simply be thought of as insecure perfectionism on steroids.SOLUTION:
To want something is good. To NEED it is not good. Embrace and sit in uncomfortable, unpleasant emotions By grace saved, not of good works Acknowledge it. What is driving this? What core belief? Anti-anxiety tool is “Worst case” scenario Adjust your standards to just be “good enough.”-----
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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We’ve all seen them, haven’t we? Those parents who care WAY too much about how their child is doing in sports. They take out a second mortgage and blow through their family’s savings just to keep their kid on select/travel teams. They yell at the refs, the coach, and their kid. You would think their entire self-worth hinged on whether their child plays well and wins the game…hmmm. I wonder… Listen in this week as Josh and Jimmy get the signal, step up to the plate, and discuss The Push. Parents and sports. Play ball!!
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Warning Signs of The Push
Parent getting their own need for self-worth through their child’s sport performance. Year-round, non-stop sports. One long, never ending season Year-round specialization. Tommy John surgery for high schoolers. All other aspect of family life takes a back seat Do you care more than your child who is actually playing the sport? ****Anger at child’s performance****Solution for the Push:
Define Success Let the child lead. Brad McCoy Teach your child to try hard, work hard, practice hard, and play hard. Col. 3:23, “All like doing it for Christ.”-----
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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We hear a lot of talk about dysfunctional families these days. Apparently, they are bad, and can cause some real damage to those who find themselves in one. But is my family dysfunctional? Did I come from one? How do I make sure my family doesn’t become one? I’m glad you asked!! Join the fellas this week and they discussion what dysfunctional families are, how to prevent them, and what to do if you fear you’re in one.
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Problem with dysfunction:
Long lasting impact. Consistent, Frequent, Duration, changes the brain Dysfunctional families rack up tons of little “t” traumas. We tend to absorb both healthy and unhealthy behavioral/relationship patterns from our FOOSolution: (Psychology Today; Julie Hall)
Here’s several “Signs” of dysfunction…make sure you do the opposite!
Acceptance/Love is conditional Someone must always be blamed/scapegoat Vulnerability is dangerous, therefore, no intimacy The family has “Teams” Appearance not authenticity is ALL IMPORTANT Rage is normalized Denial & Defensiveness are the norm-----
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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Ever feel like a spiritual taxi driver? Is your goal as a parent to make sure your child is at every church event? Do you get nervous when asked to spiritual lead / guide your child? When your child has a spiritual question, is this intimidating? This week Jimmy and Josh discuss your one job as a parent, spiritually leading your child.
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Harelips the Governor
Pagan Christianity by Barna
Other than praying over dinner or before bed, is God present in your life / your family’s life?
Biggest takeaway, you need to be more spiritually connected in your own life, to be able to guide your own child.
God doesn’t call you to raise faithful kids, he’s calling you to be faithful.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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As the late great country music artist, Mac Davis, once sang, “Oh, Lord, it’s hard to be humble!” And in our current culture and the competitive, “me-obsessed” environment that our kids are growing up in, these words have never been more spot on. Join the fellas this week, as they kick around the topic of raising humble kids.
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We live in a culture that is for the glorification of self. Our culture and a lot of our homes struggle to produce humble kids.
“If you have to toot your own horn, your horn ain’t worth tootin’” – Bill Myers Sr
We need to teach them how to express their views modestly. How to share praise and blame.
Learning to accept failure is key.
It’s important to model a lack of defensiveness.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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Many of you have read her books to your kids and found them to be an invaluable resource during this unprecedented electronically connected time. And if you haven’t read these books to your kids, after listening to this show, you definitely will. This week Jimmy and Josh sit down with Kristen Jenson, from Protect Young Minds, about her best-selling books, Good Pictures Bad Pictures and her newest, Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.When should we talk to our children about pornography? To quote Kristen, “As soon as they have internet access.” Think about that...
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https://www.protectyoungminds.org/
https://www.protectyoungminds.org/about/
https://braindefense.protectyoungminds.org/
https://www.protectyoungminds.org/books/
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ProtectYM/ Instagram: @protectyoungminds Twitter: @protectYM -
You know ‘em! You love ‘em! And you can’t live without ‘em! I don’t know the numbers on their jerseys, but I do know they’re number 1 in your heart...drum roll, please...This week, the boys sit down with Melanie Shankle and Sophie Hudson, the co-hosts of the Big Boo Cast! They talk about the ladies’ new books, life, love, and not to give too much away...pheasant hunting fashion tips.
The Big Boo Cast
Melanie Shankle
Sophie Hudson
Opal Nugget Ice Maker
Stand All the Way Up by Sophie Hudson
On the Bright Side by Melanie Shankle
Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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I know you’ve never said this before, but I’m sure you’ve known someone who has exclaimed, “That kid makes me so mad!!” Anger is an emotion that all parents have experienced, yet parental anger that is expressed in the wrong way can be the most destructive emotional element in any home. Ouch. This week, the guys chat about putting a lid on parental anger.
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Series 33 – Lifeway
Problem with parental anger:
Things that we say and do that we regret are mostly done in anger Parental anger is the most destructive emotional element in the home Most anger is brought about by faulty thinking that is adrenaline induced. Albert Ellis ABC Model This is now we KNOW that nothing MAKES you mad. 90% of parental anger is sin. We sin, but don’t see God’s wrath We believe it’s justified. But it is never justified.Solution to parental anger:
Realize first response is your worst response STOP Stop and separate Tone down tension Open YOUR heart to God Present Christ to your childExcerpt from Toe to Toe with Your Teen (2nd Edition)
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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What do apparently all of us want, but seemingly not many of us actually have? You may answer, million dollars! And you would be right!!...However, I was being less crass and materialistic and was referencing the often sought-after quality known as Intimacy.We want it in our friendships, our marriages, our families, and our walk with God, but for something that seems to be so crucial, most of us don’t even know what Intimacyactually is, and why, in reality, it is extraordinarily important. Check out the boys this week as they take an intimate look at Intimacy. -----Intimacy: What Is It and Why Is It Important?PROBLEM:1.Intimacy is a vital, yet very few can tell you exactly what it is. 2.Definition: Close familiarity. Jimmywould say that Intimacy is the absence of fear in relationships. Where there is fear; a lack of trust, there can be no intimacy.Josh would say intimacy is connection. 3.Intimacy is more than sexual:a.Physical: non-sexualb.Emotional: Attempts at emotional connection; healthy over 80% c.Intellectual: Can speak thoughts and idea and not fear rejectiond.Spiritual: Share a common coreSOLUTION: 1.Make it a point to show your appreciation. ...2.Make an effort to learn about each otherand learn fromeach other. ...3.Set aside time for each other. ...4.Unplug and focus on each other. ...5.Show physical affection (even without sex) ...6.Tackle a project together. ...7.Initiate spiritual intimacy.----- Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter:@docjimmymyers,Instagram:@jmyersfam, andFacebook:@docjimmymyersDr. Josh Myers on Twitter:@docjoshmyers,Instagram:@docjoshmyers, andFacebook:@docjoshmyersPairadocs Podcast on Twitter:@docspodcast, Instagram:@docspodcast, and Facebook:@docspodcastHow do give to the show:www.patreon.com/docspodcastThe Timothy Center:www.timothycenter.com
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Has you child ever come home, upset because the kids at school were being mean to them? Don’t you hate that?! Not only does it break your heart, but peer rejection could also actually have a long-term negative impact on their lives. Join in this week as the guys discuss how to respond when your child is rejected by their peers. And it does not include sobbing uncontrollably.
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OMG! This pandemic has done more than just socially segregated us. It has psychologically, emotionally, relationally, and intellectually segregated us. Many of us are trapped in echo chambers that only reinforce what we believe about politics, race, COVID, and a host of other societal issues. Confirmation bias is when we only hear what we want to hear, or expect to hear, without any inclination to consider another point of view. This is toxic for an individual, a couple, or a family. This week the boys discuss a topic that has certainly been around for a while, but has exploded during this unprecedented time in our culture. -----Confirmation BiasPsychological phenomenon that filters out evidence that doesn’t support our preconceived ideas and only allows evidence in that supports our already agreed upon ideas. We set up a “filter bubble”We have mental “schemas” records or tapes in our brain that play on loop. Schemas help us make quick decisions and do things on autopilot. And we begin tosegregate ourselves into tribes that think and feel the same way as we do, which creates more “group think” and confirmation bias. When we have strong opinions and don’t allow for other views, we lose our audience.What do we do?1)Hold our opinions loosely2)Focus on things we have control over3)Get out of our filter bubbles, and talk to people that don’t think like us4)Talk less, listen more-----Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter:@docjimmymyers,Instagram:@jmyersfam, andFacebook:@docjimmymyersDr. Josh Myers on Twitter:@docjoshmyers,Instagram:@docjoshmyers, andFacebook:@docjoshmyers Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter:@docspodcast, Instagram:@docspodcast, and Facebook:@docspodcastHow do give to the show:www.patreon.com/docspodcastThe Timothy Center:www.timothycenter.com
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Is unconditionally loving your child and unconditionally praising your child the same thing? Maybe not. In fact, numerous studies indicate that lavishing praise on a child with little or no merit, actually can have a negative impact on the child’s emotional development. But then again, no praise could indicate emotion emotional neglect. What’s a parent to do?! It’s like we’re danged if we do, or danged if we don’t.
Listen in this week as Josh and Jimmy delve into the sticky, and somewhat controversial, topic of undeserved praise.
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If this is your first episode, here are a few episodes to get you started:
https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/bob-goff https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/empathy https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/pornography -
Pairadocs podcast has joined the Christian Parenting Podcast Network!
If this is your first episode, here are a few episodes to get you started:
https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/bob-goff https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/empathy https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/pornographyFollow Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Follow Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Follow Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
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Since we’re all doing school from home now, please answer the following questions:
Honey, do these new pants make my butt look big?
No, I left your gift at the office. Do you really think I’d forget our anniversary?
Mommy, are some of the kids on my team better than me?
Daddy, I’m so sad that Fluffy died. Is he in heaven with Jesus?
Hey, Babe, I can’t see the back of my head. Am I balding at all?
So how did you do? Answer honestly. This week, the guys kick around the topic of how honest is too honest in the family.
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We can justify lying by trying to "not hurt our spouse". It's choosing the path of least resistance. "Why would I purposefully hurt my wife" is the thought.
However, lying can be a behavior that can form a habit - quickly.
If you can't tell your spouse the truth out of fear of their response, you're in trouble. Without truth there is no trust, without trust there is no love.
You earn the right to speak truth / be honest. Love people first, then provide your truth.
Our goal in word and deed is congruency. Be the same in front of your wife as you are away from her.
We struggle to be honest with others because we are not honest with ourselves.
Be sure that you yourself are cultivating a relationship where people can be honest with you.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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We’ve all done it. Looked at how our spouse is behaving and wondered, “Wow, if he really loved me, he wouldn’t be doing that.” Some of us have felt that so strongly that we actually say those word to our spouse. Making their momentary behavior a referendum on “if” they love us or not. Full disclosure, I have done this myself. Just the other night I told my wife, Beth, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t make me watch the Downtown Abby movie a second time.” Wow, that felt good. Freedom comes through honesty and confession. Listen in this week as the guys expose this relationally destructive, yet common conflict mistake.
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Even if we don't say these exact words, it is common for us to think/feel that "If our spouse loved me, he/she would -- blank --".
Men ask the same question, "If you respected me, you would".
Don't assume your spouse doesn't love you. Unless your spouse has said "I don't love you" - assume he/she does.
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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers
Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers
Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast
How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast
Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com
The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com
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