Episodi
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In this empowering episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz sits down with sales expert Colin Yearwood, who helps coaches and entrepreneurs grow their businesses by mastering the skill of salesâwithout manipulation or pressure.
Colin shares his powerful journey from avoiding sales entirely to embracing it as a vehicle for freedom, purpose, and service. Youâll hear how he overcame the fear of rejection, stopped giving his services away for free, and discovered how sales can be one of the most selfless things you do when done with heart.
Whether youâre a coach, creative, or just someone who wants to feel more empowered asking for what you want in life, this conversation will give you the tools to stop fearing salesâand start seeing it as a way to help others.Listen now and discover how changing your mindset around selling can transform your business, your confidence, and your life.
-------------------------------------------------------------In this engaging episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz is joined by Colin Yearwood, a sales expert who helps coaches, consultants, and entrepreneurs grow their businesses by mastering the skill of sales. Colin shares his fascinating journey from hating sales to embracing it as one of the most important tools for helping othersâand for creating a life of freedom and purpose.
Are You Afraid of Selling? You're Not Alone
For many, the thought of selling is fraught with fear and discomfort. Colin confesses that he used to despise selling, even going so far as to give away his services for free. But that changed when a mentor pushed him to confront his resistance. He learned that selling isn't about convincing or manipulating othersâit's about serving and guiding people to the resources they need to improve their lives.
Why Selling Can Be a Force for Good
Colin explains that selling isn't about pushing products or services on people who don't need them. Instead, itâs about helping others get the solutions theyâre looking forâsolutions that could make a meaningful difference in their lives. He says, "Selling is one of the best things you can do if you want to make a difference in the world." Through sales, you can reframe peopleâs thinking, offer them clarity, and help them bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.
The Key to Sales: Confidence and Detachment
One of the core lessons Colin teaches is the importance of being unattached to the outcome of a sales conversation. He encourages people to shift from a place of needinessâwhere the focus is all on getting the saleâto a place of serving, where the focus is on genuinely helping the person you're talking to. This mindset shift not only makes you more confident, but it also makes the sales process more authentic and less stressful.
The Real Story Behind Rejection
A common fear in sales (and life) is the fear of rejection. Many people take it personally when someone says no. Colin dispels this myth by reminding us that rejection isn't about youâit's about the offer. He explains, "Theyâre not saying no to you. Theyâre saying no to the offer, not the person." This shift in perspective can make a huge difference in how you approach sales conversations and navigate the inevitable no's.
What Mindset Helps You Succeed in Sales?
Colin shares that his mindset going into any sales conversation is one of curiosity, empathy, and openness. Instead of focusing solely on closing the deal, he focuses on understanding the person he's talking toâwhat their needs are, what their challenges are, and how he can help them overcome them. This approach leads to better sales outcomes and deeper connections with potential clients.
Sales Is Just Another Way to Build Connections
At the heart of sales is connection. Colin points out that the best salespeople are those who approach every conversation with an open heart and a genuine interest in helping others. This means showing up authentically, being willing to listen, and not getting caught up in the fear of rejection or the need to make a sale. When you focus on connection, the sales process becomes much more naturalâand far less intimidating.
Takeaways: The Power of Sales and Service
For anyone struggling with the fear of selling or worrying that theyâre being âtoo pushy,â Colinâs advice is simple but profound: "Selling is about service. It's about helping people get what they need." By embracing this mindset, you can shift your approach to salesâand lifeâaway from fear and manipulation, and towards authenticity, connection, and genuine support.
Get Out of Your Own Way
Colin reminds us that the key to success in sales (and life) is showing up as the best version of yourself. The more you invest in your personal growth, the more naturally your sales skills will improve. And even if you're not a natural-born salesperson, with the right mindset and the willingness to learn, you can succeed and make a meaningful impact on others.
Listen Now for More Sales Wisdom
This episode is packed with invaluable insights for anyone looking to overcome their fear of selling and build a successful business based on serving others. Whether you're in sales, entrepreneurship, or just looking to improve your confidence in life, Colinâs story and expertise will inspire you to shift your mindset, embrace the process, and start showing up with confidence.
Final Thought:
Selling doesnât have to be about manipulation or pushiness. It can be about connection, service, and helping people make a positive change in their lives. By embracing this mindset, youâll not only improve your sales skillsâyouâll also create deeper, more authentic relationships and open doors to greater success and fulfillment.Listen to the full episode for more practical tips and powerful advice on overcoming fear and rejection in sales and turning your fear into confidence.
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In this revealing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz takes you deep beneath the surface of people-pleasing to uncover the root cause of "nice" behaviorâand how to break free from it once and for all.
Whether itâs avoiding conflict, constantly agreeing, or feeling guilty for asserting yourself, these behaviors are all symptoms of one deeper fear. Dr. Aziz shows you how to stop managing a dozen surface habits and instead zero in on the core emotional driver that keeps you stuck in patterns of approval-seeking and guilt.
Youâll learn why the real path to confidence and freedom isnât about âtrying harderâ to be assertiveâitâs about upgrading your internal rules and learning how to handle the uncomfortable feelings youâre trying to avoid.
đ§ If youâve ever felt trapped by niceness or frustrated by your inability to speak up, this episode is your roadmap out. Tune in now and start stepping into your bold, authentic self.
-----------------------------Sales often gets a bad rap. Itâs seen as manipulative, transactional, and something that âpushyâ people do. But what if sales could be a tool for good? What if it was about helping others, building real connections, and empowering them to make decisions that could transform their lives? In todayâs episode, Iâm sitting down with Colin Yearwood, a sales expert who has helped countless coaches, consultants, and entrepreneurs navigate the world of sales with confidence and integrity.
Colinâs journey into sales wasnât a straightforward oneâhe was a self-described âlate bloomer.â For years, he hated selling and avoided it, offering discounted work and even giving away services for free. But when he realized that in order to grow his business and help people, he had to get comfortable with selling, everything shifted. Through a combination of personal development and sales strategy, Colin transformed his mindset and his approach. Now, he sees selling as one of the most powerful tools for creating meaningful change in peopleâs lives.
The Heart of Sales: Serving, Not Manipulating
A common fear many people have when it comes to sales is that itâs manipulative. The idea of convincing someone to buy something they donât need feels icky. But Colin explains that the problem isnât sellingâitâs how you sell. If you approach sales with the mindset of serving others, listening to their concerns, and finding the best solution for them, then youâre not manipulating, youâre helping.
One of the biggest shifts Colin experienced was moving away from desperation. When you need the sale to feel worthy or successful, your energy will shift, and people will sense that. Instead, Colin encourages focusing on whatâs best for the person youâre speaking with. Being unattached to the outcome of the sale frees you up to show up authentically and let the conversation unfold naturally.
Stand-out Quote:
âWhen you show up centered and focused on the other person, not on making the sale, thatâs when the magic happens.âThe Fear of Rejection: How to Embrace âNoâ
Sales, like dating, involves rejection. And letâs be honestânobody likes it. But rejection doesnât mean youâve failed. Colin explains that a ânoâ from someone doesnât mean youâre unworthyâit simply means your offer wasnât the right fit for them at that time. The key is not to take rejection personally. When you stop seeing rejection as a reflection of your worth, it becomes easier to navigate and move forward.
To get better at handling rejection, Colin recommends focusing on learning from the conversation rather than obsessing over what went wrong. After every sales call or interaction, take a moment to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. This practice allows you to build on your successes and grow from your mistakes, creating a continuous cycle of improvement and confidence.
Stand-out Quote:
âWhen you get a âno,â see it as an opportunity to learn and refine your approach, not a sign of failure.âThe Power of Curiosity and Energy in Sales Conversations
Sales isnât about talking someone into something they donât need; itâs about listening to their needs, understanding their challenges, and offering a solution. Colin emphasizes the importance of curiosity. Instead of just following a script, be genuinely curious about the person youâre talking to. Ask questions that dig deeper, and truly listen to their responses. This allows you to align your offer with what they truly need.
One of the most powerful things Colin does before a sales call is get himself into the right mindset. He spends time grounding himself, setting intentions, and reminding himself that the conversation is about serving, not just closing a deal. This preparation helps him show up with confidence and clarity, and it shifts the energy of the conversation.
Stand-out Quote:
âThe more curious you are, the more connected youâll be to the person on the other side of the conversation.âTurning Sales into a Personal Growth Journey
Colinâs approach to sales is more than just a strategyâitâs a mindset shift. By focusing on personal development, emotional intelligence, and being present in each conversation, you can transform the sales process into a tool for personal growth and meaningful connection. The more you practice, the better youâll get.
Action Step:
Reflect on your own mindset around sales. Do you fear rejection? Do you feel like selling is manipulative? Shift your focus to the person youâre serving. What do they need? What can you offer that would genuinely improve their life or business? By approaching sales as an act of service, youâll start to feel more confident and less attached to the outcome.If you want to learn more about Colinâs approach to sales and personal growth, be sure to check out his website ColinYearwood.com and explore the resources available to help you master the art of selling with authenticity and confidence.
In Conclusion: Embrace the Journey
Sales is a journey of self-discovery, vulnerability, and growth. The more you show up with authenticity, curiosity, and a servantâs heart, the more youâll connect with others and create opportunities for meaningful success. Remember, itâs not about making the saleâitâs about making a difference.
Are you ready to stop fearing rejection and start selling with confidence?
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Episodi mancanti?
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Why do you avoid conflict, over-apologize, or say âyesâ when you really mean ânoâ? In this powerful episode, Dr. Aziz unpacks the deeper reasons behind people-pleasing and âniceâ behaviorâand reveals whatâs really driving it.
Youâll discover that these habits arenât just random quirksâtheyâre part of a system designed to keep you âsafeâ by earning approval and avoiding disapproval. But this comes at a huge cost: your authenticity, your confidence, and your freedom.
Dr. Aziz shares key signs of hidden people-pleasing and offers a compelling invitation to look at what youâre really afraid to feel. Once you understand the emotional root of these patterns, you can start breaking freeânot by fixing a dozen behaviors, but by going straight to the source.
đ§ Ready to reclaim your voice and stop living by invisible rules? Listen now to start your journey toward greater confidence and true self-expression.
--------------------------------------------------------Have you ever found yourself bending over backward to please others, saying yes when you really wanted to say no, or avoiding confrontation because youâre scared of what might happen if you speak your truth? If so, youâre not alone. People-pleasing behaviors can show up in many areas of lifeâfrom romantic relationships to work and even friendships. The good news? You donât need to fix every single behavior. Instead, weâre going to dig into whatâs really at the root of these patterns and how you can change them from the inside out.
The Hidden Costs of People-Pleasing
We often think of people-pleasing as just being ânice,â but the truth is, thereâs a huge difference between being kind and being overly accommodating to the point where it harms your emotional well-being. People-pleasing behaviors are typically driven by an intense fear of rejection, disapproval, or conflict. You might find yourself avoiding conflict at all costs, smiling when you're upset, or agreeing with everything someone saysâeven if you donât believe it.
Stand-out Quote:
âPeople-pleasing isn't about kindnessâit's about seeking approval to feel safe and accepted.âSome of the most common signs of people-pleasing include:
Avoiding conflict: You might avoid difficult conversations or disagreeing with others because you fear their reaction.
Smiling when upset: Masking your true feelings with a smile or laugh, even when youâre uncomfortable.
Excessive agreeing: You nod or say âyesâ to everything, even when itâs not what you truly want, just to keep the peace.
These behaviors might seem harmless at first, but over time, they can lead to a sense of being disconnected from your true self. You start to feel as though you're living for others and not for yourself, which can be emotionally exhausting and even leave you feeling resentful or invisible.
Whatâs at the Root of People-Pleasing?
When you break down the people-pleasing behaviors, youâll find one thing at the core: fear. Fear of rejection, fear of upsetting someone, fear of being judged, and ultimately, fear that you wonât be good enough. Itâs the fear that if you donât follow the unspoken rulesâlike always agreeing with others or avoiding conflictâyou wonât be loved, accepted, or valued.
But hereâs the key realization: You donât need to keep playing by these rules. The rules are simply a collection of beliefs that youâve internalized over the years. You donât have to keep following them if they arenât serving you.
The Power of Feeling Your Feelings
One of the most effective ways to break free from people-pleasing is to stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings. When youâre constantly trying to avoid upsetting people or making them feel uncomfortable, youâre also avoiding your own discomfort. This avoidance keeps the cycle going.
Instead of running from the fear of rejection or conflict, feel it. Yes, it might be uncomfortable, but hereâs the game-changer: Your ability to feel and tolerate discomfort is the key to breaking free. When you can sit with those emotions and still act authentically, youâll find that you are not only stronger but also more aligned with your true self.
Stand-out Quote:
âWhen you break the rules of people-pleasing, youâre breaking free to become your true, authentic self.âThe Path to Freedom: A Practical Step
Hereâs your action step for today: Pick one rule youâve been living byâmaybe itâs always saying yes when you mean no, or avoiding difficult conversationsâand imagine breaking that rule. Picture yourself saying ânoâ when you usually say yes, or speaking up when you usually stay quiet.
Ask yourself: What do you fear will happen? Whatâs the worst-case scenario? More often than not, the fear is exaggerated, and youâll realize that you can handle the discomfort that comes with it.
Take a moment to feel that discomfort fully. Itâs not as bad as it seems, and the more you practice this, the easier it becomes. Remember, breaking free from people-pleasing is a journey, not a destination. With each step, youâll feel more empowered, more authentic, and more connected to your true self.
Embrace Your True Self
People-pleasing doesnât make you a good personâit makes you a person who is disconnected from their own truth. By starting to challenge the rules youâve been following, you can begin the process of reclaiming your power. You can stop living for others and start living for yourself.
You are worthy of love, respect, and connection just as you are. Itâs time to embrace your authentic selfâwithout the fear, the guilt, or the need to please anyone else. You are enough.
Remember, itâs not about being âgoodâ according to someone elseâs standardsâitâs about being true to yourself.
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Do you worry you're coming off as too needyâin dating, friendships, or business?
In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz breaks down what âneedinessâ really is, why itâs often just fear in disguise, and how to shift from anxious grasping to calm confidence.
Youâll learn how to spot the difference between healthy desire and emotional urgencyâand what to do when you feel that panicky âI need this to go rightâ energy.
đ§ Tune in now and discover how to feel more secure, grounded, and powerfulâno matter the outcome.
---------------------------------------Weâve all experienced moments of feeling needy or desperate, whether in our romantic lives, friendships, or even at work. Itâs uncomfortable, and the fear of being seen as desperate can be overwhelming. But is feeling needy always a bad thing? How can we distinguish between legitimate wants and a destructive need that can repel others?
In todayâs episode, we're diving deep into the question: Are you too needy? Weâll explore why you might feel desperate, how it shows up in your life, and, most importantly, how to break free from the cycle. Get ready for some powerful insights that will change the way you see your own behavior and give you the tools to navigate this tricky emotion with confidence.
The Fine Line Between Wanting and Needing
Have you ever felt like you absolutely needed someone or something to make you feel okay? Whether itâs a person responding to a text, a job offer coming through, or your partnerâs approval, that shift from "I want" to "I need" can bring a lot of tension and anxiety. The moment you start thinking, âI need this,â youâre attaching your emotional well-being to something outside of yourself, which can lead to feelings of desperation.
The key distinction here is that need often comes from a place of fear. Itâs no longer just a passing desire; itâs become something that feels essential to your survivalâemotionally speaking. That fear of not getting what you âneedâ creates a sense of urgency and tension, which can manifest in all areas of your life, from your personal relationships to your career.
Stand-out Quote:
âItâs not about what you wantâitâs about how youâre attached to the outcome that makes all the difference.âThe Real Danger of Neediness
The issue with acting out neediness isnât just that it feels uncomfortable for youâit can also push people away. Whether youâre desperately trying to make a sale or forcing a romantic connection, others can feel that desperation. No one likes to feel like theyâre being used as a means to an emotional end. People can sense that kind of energy, even if itâs unspoken, and it can create resistance in the other person.
As much as you may want to avoid being perceived as needy, the key is not to repress or ignore the feeling, but to understand it. Itâs about getting to the root of why you feel the need for validation or approval, and ultimately learning to find that validation within yourself.
The Power of Perspective and Detachment
The first step in overcoming feelings of desperation is gaining perspective. Ask yourself, âWhat would happen if I didnât get what I wanted?â In most cases, youâd be okay. Youâd survive, and the world would keep turning. The difference lies in how much weight you put on the outcome.
If you're feeling desperate, itâs crucial to step back and examine the root cause. Are you attaching your worth to someone elseâs approval? Or are you relying on an external outcome to validate your emotions?
By shifting your focus inward and recognizing your intrinsic value, you can begin to break free from the need for external validation. Instead of approaching the situation from a place of fear, approach it with confidence in who you are, regardless of the outcome.
Practical Tips to Break Free from Desperation
Hereâs a powerful practice to help you navigate moments of neediness or desperation:
Identify Your Emotional Urgency
Take a moment to notice when youâre feeling desperate. On a scale from 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel the need for something external to happen in order for you to feel okay? Recognizing this urgency is the first step to loosening its grip on you.Create Space Around the Feeling
Instead of acting on the impulse to âdo somethingâ about the situation, take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to feel the emotion fully. Give yourself the space to soften the intensity of the urgency.Shift Your Focus
Reconnect with your values and your internal sense of worth. What is important to you? What do you value most in life? By focusing on what truly matters to you, rather than on the external outcome, you can release the pressure and operate from a place of strength.Embrace Freedom and Self-Worth
Itâs okay to feel needy at timesâitâs a natural human emotion. But itâs crucial to recognize when neediness is coming from a place of fear or scarcity. When you learn to detach your emotional well-being from the external, you can build a deeper sense of confidence and freedom.
Remember, the most powerful thing you can do is come from a place of want, not need. When you live with a clear sense of self-worth and confidence, you wonât be desperate for anyone elseâs approval. Youâll be free to go after what you want without fear, and youâll attract the right people and opportunities into your life.
So, are you ready to let go of the desperation? Your confidence and authenticity are your greatest strengths. Start living from that place today and watch how your relationships and experiences shift.
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In this episode, we explore a truth that can completely transform your life: when you know who you are, everything changes. Confidence deepens. Fear fades. And your decisions start coming from clarityânot self-doubt.
You'll discover how most people unknowingly build their lives around trying to prove, please, or avoid. But when you shift from chasing validation to standing in who you truly are, you unlock real confidence, peace, and power.
This isnât about becoming someone elseâitâs about remembering who you already are. The real you is calm, capable, and more than enough.
đ§ If youâve ever felt like you have to earn your worth or constantly win othersâ approval, this episode is for you.
Tune in now and take a bold step toward freedom.
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Are you tired of feeling anxious, disconnected, or like youâre not living up to your full potential? If so, thereâs a simple but powerful solution that can help you break free from the grip of fear and self-doubt: your values. In todayâs episode, Iâll show you how reconnecting to your true essence and living in alignment with your values can unlock a goldmine of confidence, resilience, and personal power.
"The Fear Isnât Coming from the Outside, Itâs Coming from Inside"
Many of us believe that our fear comes from external situationsâlike a challenging meeting, an upcoming date, or a new career opportunity. But what if the real cause of your anxiety isnât the outside world at all? What if itâs a disconnection from yourself and your true potential?
When weâre disconnected from our valuesâwhat truly matters to usâour confidence takes a hit. We become anxious, unsure, and easily influenced by external pressures. But when we reconnect to our core values, everything changes. The same circumstances no longer feel as threatening because weâre grounded in who we truly are.
How to Find the Root of Your Confidence
The secret to overcoming fear and anxiety isnât in changing the world around youâitâs in aligning your actions with your values. Hereâs how to get started:
Identify What Truly Matters to You
Your values are the compass that guides your life. Itâs not about what others expect from you or what you âshouldâ care aboutâitâs about what drives you at your core. For some, itâs family. For others, itâs personal growth or adventure. When you identify your core values, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and what makes you tick.Clarify Your Top Values
Your values provide a solid foundation in a constantly shifting world. Whether itâs love, contribution, achievement, or courage, knowing what matters most to you can help you make confident decisions and navigate challenges with greater ease.
"The more you live by your values, the more confident youâll feel, because your strength lies in living your truth."Align Your Actions with Your Values
Living your values isnât just a mental exerciseâitâs about taking action. Each time you make a decision that aligns with your values, you reinforce your sense of self and build your confidence. This could mean taking bold steps in your career, standing up for yourself in relationships, or making time for self-care. Every action that reflects your values strengthens your resilience and reduces anxiety.Why This Matters for You
Living your values is the key to unlocking your personal confidence goldmine. When you get clear on what matters to you and consistently live in alignment with those values, you build an unshakable foundation of confidence. This isnât just about achieving goals or pleasing othersâitâs about embracing who you are and living with purpose.
Your Path to Confidence Starts Today
The journey to lasting confidence starts with living in alignment with your values. What truly matters to you? What do you value most in life? Take a moment to identify your core values, and start living them every day. The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow.
Remember, your values are your superpower. When you embrace them and live authentically, you unlock a limitless source of strength. So take that first step today, and watch how living your values transforms your life.
Youâve got thisâyour personal confidence goldmine is waiting
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In this powerful episode, Dr. Aziz is joined by Dr. Dave Tuck for a heartfelt and eye-opening conversation about identity, healing, and confidence. Together, they explore what happens when you truly know who you areâand how that clarity can radically shift your relationships, decisions, and sense of peace.
Youâll hear how Dr. Tuckâs personal journey led him from people-pleasing and performance-based self-worth to a deeper connection with his true self. Through candid stories and practical wisdom, this episode invites you to question old roles and step into a more grounded, authentic version of yourself.
đ§ Ready for a breakthrough in how you see yourself and show up in the world? Tune in now.
-----------------------------Change can feel overwhelming, right? Whether itâs a new job, a breakup, a move, or the beginning of a new chapter, transitions stir up uncertainty, fear, and often, confusion. But what if you could see transitions not as roadblocks, but as opportunities to grow, evolve, and become more confident in yourself?
In todayâs post, weâre diving into why transitions are an inevitable part of lifeâand how embracing them can lead to profound personal growth. Dr. Dave Tucker, a chiropractor and self-mastery coach with over 30 years of experience, offers valuable insights on how to navigate lifeâs transitions effectively.
The Inevitable Nature of Transitions
Letâs face itâchange is going to happen. From our first breath to our last, weâre constantly going through transitions. Some are bigâgraduating, changing careers, getting marriedâwhile others are more subtle, like shifting perspectives in relationships or facing health challenges. These transitions, while often uncomfortable, are vital to our personal evolution.
Stand-out Quote:
"Every transition is an opportunity for growth and wisdom." â Dr. Dave TuckerThe real challenge isnât the transition itself, but our resistance to it. Most of us tend to fight change, fearing the unknown, or fearing what we might lose. But itâs important to realize that fighting change only makes the transition harder and more painful. Instead, by learning how to embrace transitions, we allow ourselves to grow stronger and more resilient.
Embrace Change to Overcome Fear
As Dr. Dave explains, transitions often require us to shift our identity. This could mean letting go of an old way of thinking or confronting parts of ourselves that weâve been avoiding. But instead of retreating or avoiding the discomfort, itâs crucial to embrace it.
Stand-out Quote:
"Embracing change isnât about avoiding discomfort, itâs about learning to face it with confidence."This is where many people get stuck. When change comes, they panic, thinking itâs a sign that something is wrong. They try to avoid the discomfort by holding onto old patterns or identities. But what if we stopped resisting and, instead, saw discomfort as a sign that we are evolving into the next version of ourselves?
The Power of Your Identity in Transitions
One of the most important aspects of navigating transitions is understanding your identity. Dr. Dave shares that our identity is made up of three core elements: values, vision, and voice. These elements help guide us through lifeâs transitions, ensuring we stay aligned with who we are, no matter what changes come our way.
Values: Whatâs most important to you in life? Your values act as the compass that keeps you grounded, especially in times of uncertainty.
Vision: Where do you want to go in life? Having a clear vision helps you navigate transitions with purpose, ensuring that you are working toward something meaningful.
Voice: Your voice is your authentic expression. When youâre clear on who you are and what you want, speaking your truth becomes easier, even in difficult situations.
Stand-out Quote:
"When youâre clear about your identity, decisions become much easier, and life flows with more confidence." â Dr. Dave TuckerTake Action: Build Confidence Through Transitions
Embracing change and expanding your capacity to handle discomfort is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. Each transition is a chance to reinforce your identity, grow in confidence, and step into your true power.
So, what action can you take today to start embracing transitions in your life? Whether itâs starting a new project, having a difficult conversation, or facing a fear thatâs been holding you back, remember that discomfort is a sign of growth.
Final Thought:
As you navigate lifeâs transitions, donât fear the discomfort. Lean into it, and youâll discover new levels of strength and confidence. The key is to embrace each change as an opportunity for growth and transformation. -
In this eye-opening episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz introduces what might be the most underrated yet transformational key to building confidence and reducing social anxiety: expanding your capacity. It might not sound glamorous, but this principle is the real âmagic juiceâ for lasting confidence. Dr. Aziz explains that every person has an emotional and psychological threshold for discomfortâwhether itâs rejection, conflict, criticism, or awkwardnessâand those with social anxiety often have a lower capacity in these areas. The breakthrough? Confidence grows not by avoiding discomfort, but by intentionally leaning into it.
By reframing your experiences as opportunities to expand your capacity rather than threats to avoid, you open the door to extraordinary growth. Whether itâs speaking up at work, handling rejection in dating, or saying what you really think in a groupâthese are not scary âfailuresâ to avoid but moments to train your emotional muscles. Dr. Aziz shares stories from real client breakthroughs, including one man who concluded after a single awkward phone call that he should ânever talk to a woman on the phone again.â Through humor and insight, Dr. Aziz reveals how easily we draw limiting conclusions and how much power we reclaim when we choose to stay in the discomfort zone just long enough to grow.
đ Ready to build true inner strength and shatter the limits of what you think you can handle? Tune in now and discover how to expand your capacityâand your confidenceâwith every step you take outside your comfort zone.
--------------------------------Do you feel anxious or uncomfortable when youâre asked to speak in front of a group, or when someone rejects you or doesnât respond to your message? Do you find yourself holding back in social situations, worried about disapproval or judgment? If so, youâre not alone. Social anxiety and people-pleasing are patterns many people experience, but there is a powerful way out. And itâs simpler than you think: expand your capacity.
The Truth About Your Capacity
When I say expand your capacity, it may not sound like an exciting breakthrough at first. But trust me, it's the key to overcoming your social anxiety and living the confident, authentic life youâve always wanted. Hereâs what I mean: we all have a certain threshold for what we can handle. This can apply to physical tasks (like lifting weights) or emotional experiences (like handling rejection or failure).
Stand-out Quote:
"The more you expand your capacity to handle difficult situations, the less power they have over you."The problem for many people struggling with social anxiety is that their capacity for handling discomfortâlike conflict, rejection, or disapprovalâis very low. This leads to avoidance, which only perpetuates the cycle of anxiety. But the good news is, you can expand your capacity. Itâs not set in stone, and itâs not determined by your DNA. Itâs a skill you can develop.
Why We Avoid Discomfort
Hereâs the catch: when we feel discomfortâwhether itâs someone disagreeing with us or receiving rejectionâwe naturally want to avoid it. Weâre wired to seek safety, and discomfort feels like a threat. But the more you avoid these feelings, the more they control you. The way out is to gradually expose yourself to these discomforts in manageable doses, which allows you to build emotional resilience.
Stand-out Quote:
"The key to overcoming social anxiety is not avoiding discomfort, but learning to face it with confidence."For example, letâs say youâre scared of conflict. You avoid confrontation, even if itâs necessary for a healthy relationship. This avoidance keeps you trapped. But when you start practicing handling conflictâstarting small, like speaking up in a meeting or expressing your true feelings to a friendâyou expand your capacity to tolerate discomfort. Over time, the fear that once felt paralyzing will lose its power.
How to Expand Your Capacity: The Steps
Start Small: Identify the areas of your life where your capacity is stretchedâwhether itâs speaking up for yourself, handling rejection, or dealing with conflictâand start small. Practice speaking your truth, even in low-stakes situations, like with a friend or coworker.
Embrace Discomfort: Instead of running from the discomfort of being judged or disliked, lean into it. Let yourself feel uncomfortable without panicking. When you experience disapproval, remind yourself that itâs temporary. Itâs just part of life, not a reflection of your worth.
Challenge Your Beliefs: Often, we avoid things because we think we canât handle them. But the truth is, you can. The more you push yourself beyond your comfort zone, the more youâll prove to yourself that you can handle discomfort. This builds your confidence in your ability to handle anything life throws at you.
The Power of Gradual Exposure
Iâve seen firsthand how powerful this strategy is for my clients. Take, for example, a client who once couldnât talk to women without feeling overwhelmed with fear. After gradually building his confidenceâstarting with small conversations, then escalating to asking for phone numbersâhe went from avoiding social situations to thriving in them. And you can do the same in your life.
Stand-out Quote:
"Expanding your capacity is the most effective way to break free from the shackles of social anxiety and people-pleasing."Action Step: What Will You Do to Expand Your Capacity?
So, hereâs your action step: Find something that stretches your capacity today. Whether itâs speaking up in a meeting, asking for what you need in a relationship, or handling rejection with grace, start expanding your limits.
And remember, as you expand your capacity, the discomfort becomes manageable. With time, your confidence will grow, and youâll feel more comfortable being your authentic self. The key to confidence isnât avoiding discomfortâitâs embracing it.
Final Thought:
Youâre not stuck in your current state. You can grow, change, and expand your capacity for handling life's challenges. Start small, be consistent, and soon youâll notice a massive shift in your confidence and overall well-being.Take Action Now:
Whatâs one thing youâre going to do today to expand your capacity? Share it in the comments below, and letâs support each other on this journey. -
In this refreshing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into a deceptively simple question with massive implications: âAre you apologizing too much?â Most people donât even realize how often they say âsorryâânot just in words, but in their tone, posture, and energy. If you constantly feel responsible for other peopleâs reactions, discomfort, or expectationsâeven when you didnât do anything wrongâyouâre likely trapped in a loop of unconscious over-apologizing. And that loop isnât just exhaustingâitâs eroding your confidence and subtly reshaping your relationships.
Dr. Aziz breaks down how unnecessary apologies stem from overactive guilt systems and people-pleasing conditioning, often developed in childhood. Youâll discover how to recognize the difference between healthy, empathy-based apologies and guilt-driven ones that actually weaken connection. Plus, youâll learn a simple internal filter: before apologizing, pause and ask yourself, âDid I actually do something wrong?â Then, try this bonus lensâwhat would I tell a friend to do in this situation?
đ Ready to recalibrate your guilt and stop saying sorry for simply existing? Tune into this episode now and begin reclaiming your power, one conscious choice at a time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------Do you find yourself apologizing all the time, even when you haven't done anything wrong? Or maybe you donât even realize youâre saying "sorry" until itâs out of your mouth. It's a common habit, especially for those of us who struggle with people-pleasing and self-criticism. But here's the question: When is it necessary to apologize, and when should you hold back?
Apologies: A Natural Part of Relationships
Letâs start by acknowledging that apologizing is an important part of healthy relationships. We all make mistakes. Whether it's a sharp tone, being late, or forgetting a commitment, it's natural to feel the need to apologize when our actions have hurt someone. This helps repair the rupture, rebuild trust, and show the other person that we care about their feelings. But where's the line between necessary apologies and over-apologizing?
When Apologies Become a Habit
For many, apologizing becomes an unconscious habit. You might say âsorryâ when someone is upset, even if you havenât actually done anything wrong. This can happen in situations like:
Not meeting someoneâs expectations when you never agreed to meet them in the first place.
Being blamed for something that wasnât your fault.
Feeling guilty whenever someone else feels upset, as if itâs automatically your fault.
This automatic response can lead to a feeling of powerlessness, as if youâre constantly trying to manage others' emotions, even when itâs not your responsibility.
The Impact of Over-Apologizing
Over-apologizing has a few significant consequences:
Lack of Boundaries: If you're constantly apologizing, you may start to overextend yourself, saying yes to things you don't want to do or compromising your own values to avoid conflict.
Unconscious Resentment: Deep down, you may start to feel resentment because you're not being true to yourself. Over-apologizing can be draining and lead to emotional burnout.
Loss of Self-Respect: By constantly taking responsibility for things you didnât do, you diminish your own sense of self-worth. You may start to believe that youâre always at fault, which erodes your confidence over time.
The Power of Holding Your Ground
So how can we shift out of this habit? It starts with getting clear on your boundaries and understanding that you don't always need to apologize. You donât have to cater to every personâs expectation of you. If someone is upset because you didnât text them back immediately, for example, it doesnât automatically mean you have done something wrong.
Try this: Instead of apologizing, acknowledge the other person's feelings. You can say, "I see that you're upset," or "I understand that this might be disappointing for you." This shows empathy without taking on unnecessary guilt.
Real-Life Example: The Guilt Mechanism
A client of mine was working on a contract with a friend who was also a contractor. When she noticed discrepancies in the agreement, she felt guilty for asking for changesâthough it was entirely reasonable. She felt compelled to apologize, as if her request was an inconvenience. But when we looked at it from a different perspective, she realized there was no reason to apologize. She wasnât doing anything wrong by ensuring the contract reflected what they had discussed.
By switching her mindset, she was able to assert herself clearly: âIâd like to address these issues before signing.â No apology necessary. And the result? The contractor updated the contract with no issue.
Recalibrating Your Guilt Mechanism
When you feel the urge to apologize, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: "Did I actually do something wrong?" Often, youâll find that the guilt youâre feeling is misplaced. By becoming more aware of this impulse, you can recalibrate your own guilt mechanism.
Action Step: The next time you feel the urge to apologize, pause. Ask yourself if itâs necessary. If you didnât do anything wrong, simply acknowledge the situation without taking responsibility for it. This will help you regain your power and set healthier boundaries.
Final Thoughts: The Key to Confidence
Over-apologizing is a sign that you're living by others' expectations instead of your own values. Itâs time to stop apologizing for simply being yourself and start owning your space in the world. When you do this, youâll feel more empowered, respected, and confidentâin your relationships, your career, and your life.
Remember, you donât have to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect. Youâre allowed to make mistakes, and youâre allowed to stand firm in who you are without always saying âsorry.â Itâs time to reclaim your confidence and live more authentically.
You've got this. No more unnecessary apologies.
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đ In this powerful episode of "Shrink for the Shy Guy," Dr. Aziz reveals one of the most effectiveâyet underusedâtools for radically boosting confidence: massive action. Unlike cautious baby steps, massive action invites you to shift into a new gear, override hesitation, and start living instead of waiting. Whether itâs in relationships, career, or everyday interactions, the avoidance cycle keeps you stuck. But when you break that pattern and flood your nervous system with bold, repeated action, transformation happens fast.
Through vivid stories, including a client who skyrocketed her confidence by shifting from one public talk a month to several a week, youâll learn that confidence isnât built by hoping or waitingâitâs built by doing. Dr. Aziz walks you through why this works, what resistance might show up, and how to overcome it. You donât need to be fearless. You just need to take the leap.
đ Ready to finally stop avoiding and start becoming the confident, bold version of you? Tune in to this episode now and discover how to unlock the key you've already been holding. Your freedom starts here.
----------------------------------------------Do you ever feel like youâre stuck in a cage of social anxiety, self-doubt, or people-pleasing? Itâs an all-too-common experience. But what if I told you that the key to breaking free and radically transforming your confidence is already in your hands? In this post, weâre diving into one of the most powerful tools you can use to break free from these limitationsâand why many people
arenât using it.
The Secret to Confidence: Massive Action
When it comes to building confidence, the tool Iâm about to share might sound simple, but itâs one of the most effective principles Iâve come across in my 20+ years of personal growth and helping others. Itâs based on both real-life experience and research, and itâs been proven to work.
So, whatâs the tool? Massive action.
Sounds pretty intense, right? But hereâs the thing: the key to getting out of your comfort zone and into a place of true self-assurance is by moving towards what scares you with intensity and urgency. The more we avoid the things that scare us, the stronger our anxiety and self-doubt become. The more we step into those fears, the more our confidence grows.
Why We Avoid: The Cycle of Self-Doubt
We all know the feeling of wanting to avoid situations that make us anxiousâwhether itâs speaking up in a meeting, confronting someone in a relationship, or going after a big career opportunity. When we avoid, the anxiety increases, and we lose a little bit of our sense of power. This creates a negative cycle that only deepens the fear and self-doubt. Weâre trapped.
The other side of the equation is approach: moving towards the things that scare us. When we push through the fear and face it, we start to see that our negative predictions about the situationââItâs going to go horriblyââare often not true. And with each small victory, we start building a new identity for ourselves: I can do this. I am capable.
Why Massive Action Is the Answer
Hereâs where massive action comes in. You see, sometimes gradual steps just arenât enough to create the breakthrough you need. If youâve been tiptoeing around your fears for months, you might need to flip the script entirely. Massive actionâdoing things in larger, bolder dosesâis what creates momentum.
For example, letâs say youâre trying to overcome public speaking anxiety. Instead of signing up for one Toastmasters event every few weeks, what if you committed to speaking in front of an audience three times a week? I know, it sounds crazy, but the intensity of this action creates a level of momentum that gradual exposure just canât match. Youâll short-circuit your fear and push yourself to the edge of what you thought was possible.
The Energy Shift: Going from Defense to Offense
When you move towards your fears with massive action, you shift from defense modeâwhere youâre guarding yourself against discomfort and uncertaintyâto offense mode, where youâre actively creating the life you want. This energetic shift is what fuels confidence, and itâs what makes you attractive to others.
Itâs not about pretending youâre perfect or that youâve got it all together. Itâs about owning your value, showing up fully, and knowing that youâve got what it takes to handle whatever comes your way.
The Results of Massive Action
Imagine the person who walks into a room with self-assuranceânot because theyâre the most polished or the most put-together, but because theyâve faced their fears, taken bold action, and no longer let the âIâm not enoughâ feeling control their life.
Hereâs the thing: The key to building confidence is taking action even when you donât feel ready. Thatâs when the magic happens. You begin to see that the world doesnât revolve around your fear of being ânot enoughââit revolves around the action youâre willing to take, regardless of how you feel.
Your Action Step: Choose Massive Action
So, whatâs next? Itâs time to decide how youâre going to move forward. You have two options:
Prepare for massive action: Take a few more small steps, build your momentum, and get ready to make a bigger leap.
Take massive action now: If you feel ready, dive in headfirst and face your fears with urgency and intensity.
The choice is yours, but know this: If you want to create the life you deserve, massive action is required. This isnât about perfectionâitâs about showing up and taking bold steps toward your future.
Final Thoughts: You Are Enough
The biggest lie that holds people back is that theyâre not enough. But the truth is, you are enough right now. Whatâs holding you back is the fear and the stories youâve been telling yourself. Letâs break those stories and start taking massive action to create the life youâve always wanted.
Remember, youâre not alone on this journey. You have the tools, the support, and the power to shift your life. Itâs time to claim it.
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Own Your Confidence: Be Unapologetically You!
A glimpse from the latest episode of Get Your Sh*t Together Show with the special guest Dr. Aziz hosted by Amy Joy.
Watch the full episode here. -
Welcome to todayâs episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz â and today weâre going straight into one of the most common, painful, and persistent feelings that quietly runs so many lives:
đ âIâm not enough.â
This episode is for you if youâve ever:
Felt like no matter how much you do, itâs never quite enoughBelieved you had to prove your worth through achievement or perfectionAvoided risks, opportunities, or putting yourself out there because of self-doubtCollapsed into hopelessness or excuses just to protect yourself from tryingđŻ Dr. Aziz breaks down:
Why this feeling of ânot enoughâ is a universal part of being humanWhy trying to fix it through more doing never works (just ask Tony Robbins!)How to stop confusing this feeling with realityThe truth about your self-worth that no accomplishment (or failure) can touchA simple mindset shift to help you show up fully â even when that insecure voice gets loudIf you're ready to stop being controlled by this invisible wall of ânot enough,â tune in now and take back your freedom.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ever catch yourself thinking, "I'm not good enough"? It's a common thought that can keep us stuck, whether we're pursuing relationships, career opportunities, or even personal growth. This persistent feeling of inadequacy can impact your confidence and stop you from taking bold actions. In this post, I'll share how to recognize this feeling, understand it, and break free from its grip, allowing you to create a life where you feel truly empowered and worthy.
Understanding the "Not Enough" Feeling
First things first: you are not alone. The feeling of ânot enoughâ is a deeply human experience, and almost everyone grapples with it at some point in their lives. Whether itâs in relationships, career, or personal achievements, the fear of not being âenoughâ leads to a variety of behaviors and mindsets.
So, what makes this feeling so powerful? It's rooted in the fear of lossâloss of love, connection, respect, or even survival. If Iâm not enough, then Iâll lose something important, like love or worthiness. The key here is recognizing that this fear is not reality. Itâs simply an emotional response to uncertainty, and once we understand that, we can begin to take control.
Why "Proving Enough" Doesn't Work
Most of us try to fix the ânot enoughâ feeling by doing more. We hustle, work harder, or try to accumulate external symbols of successâtitles, possessions, or achievements. The goal? To prove that we are worthy.
But hereâs the catch: doing more doesnât make you enough. Itâs an endless cycle. You canât hustle your way to self-worth because the feeling of not being enough is never truly satisfied by external validation. Even once you achieve one goal, the sense of inadequacy may still linger. Real confidence doesnât come from what you do; it comes from who you are.
A Powerful Shift: Own Your Value
What if you could break the cycle? The real secret to overcoming the ânot enoughâ feeling is to own your valueânot based on what youâve done, but simply because you exist.
Hereâs the truth: Confidence comes from within. Itâs about showing up with a mindset of abundance. When you believe that you are worthy, you stop feeling like you need to prove yourself to others. You begin to approach life with a healthy mindset, knowing that you are enough as you are.
âYour energy is what makes you attractiveânot your appearance, not your possessions, but the way you show up in the world.â â Dr. Aziz
When you stop operating from a place of scarcity (like "Iâm not good enough"), you become magnetic. You attract people, opportunities, and experiences because your energy exudes self-assurance and worth.
The Power of Feeling Insecure (And Letting It Pass)
One of the most powerful lessons you can learn is to feel your feelings instead of trying to avoid or suppress them. The feeling of ânot enoughâ is simply a temporary emotional experienceâit doesnât define you. When you can create space for that feeling without needing to fix it, you break free from its control.
Imagine a scenario where you feel insecure. Instead of getting caught in a loop of negative self-talk or trying to do more to prove yourself, allow yourself to feel the insecurity. Name it: âThis is the feeling of insecurity.â Let it pass through you without clinging to it. Over time, this practice will reduce its power over you and make you more resilient.
âThe more you embrace feelings of insecurity, the more you free yourself from their control.â â Dr. Aziz
Final Thoughts: You Are Enough
The next time you feel like youâre not enough, remember: itâs just a feeling, not a reflection of your worth. By practicing self-awareness and embracing your emotions, you can overcome this limiting belief and step into your true confidence.
Take a moment today to remind yourself: You are enough.
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Welcome to todayâs episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! Weâre diving into one of the most universal â and often hidden â fears that drives social anxiety, people-pleasing, and holding back your authentic self:
đ What if they donât like me?
Whether it shows up in your relationships, your inbox, at work, or stops you from sharing your ideas and creative work with the world â this fear can run your life if left unchecked.
In this episode, youâll discover:
How fear of judgment and rejection hides behind stress, email anxiety, and overthinking
Why being âthick-skinnedâ isnât the answer (and what to do instead)
A powerful metaphor to help you release other peopleâs negativity without taking it on
The truth about being sensitive â and why it might actually be your superpower
How to stop living in fear of upsetting others and start showing up fully you
This oneâs loaded with humor, honesty, and deep insights to help you finally break the spell of needing everyone to like you. Letâs get free.
-----------------------------------------------------Do you ever find yourself constantly worrying about what others think? Maybe you're hesitant to speak your mind or take action, fearing rejection or judgment. If you're nodding along, you're not alone. Many of us struggle with the desire to please others and avoid conflict, but the good news is, you can break free from this cycle and become the most authentic version of yourself.
The People-Pleasing TrapOne of the biggest obstacles to living authentically is the fear of being disliked or upsetting others. You may find yourself bending over backward to keep the peace, saying "yes" when you want to say "no," or avoiding difficult conversations altogether. But here's the truth: this constant effort to manage others' perceptions is draining, and it doesn't bring lasting peace or fulfillment.
As Dr. Aziz shares, this behavior is often rooted in a fear of being rejected or disliked. Whether it's a colleague, a family member, or a stranger, the thought of someone not approving of us can cause anxiety and paralysis. And while itâs natural to care about what others think, letting this fear control you leads to missed opportunities for growth, connection, and authenticity.
"You canât live authentically if youâre constantly adjusting yourself to fit others' expectations." â Dr. Aziz
Step 1: Recognize the FearThe first step to overcoming people-pleasing is to recognize the fear thatâs driving your actions. Often, this fear isnât obvious. It may show up as anxiety about a social interaction or a sense of dread about a potential conflict. You might feel this as tightness in your chest or a racing mind, trying to predict what others will think of you.
Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Are you worried that someone will be upset with you, or that theyâll think poorly of you? Getting clear on the root of your fear is key to dismantling it. Recognize that these fears are often exaggerated and not as harmful as they may seem in your mind.
Step 2: Acknowledge Your SensitivityOne powerful insight Dr. Aziz shares is the importance of acknowledging your sensitivity. Itâs easy to see sensitivity as a weakness, but the truth is, itâs a superpower. It allows you to connect deeply with others and perceive emotions and nuances that others might miss.
For Dr. Aziz, recognizing his own sensitivity was a turning point in his journey toward authenticity. Once he embraced this part of himself, he found it easier to connect with others on a deeper level. By seeing sensitivity as a gift, not a burden, you can stop avoiding difficult situations or suppressing your true self.
"Sensitivity is not a weakness. Itâs a form of responsiveness to life and a superpower if you let it be." â Dr. Aziz
Step 3: Let Go of the Need for ControlHereâs the hardest part: you donât need to control other people's feelings. This realization is freeing. Often, our desire to please comes from a deep need to control how others perceive us or how they feel in any given moment. But the truth is, you cannot control others' emotions or reactions.
Dr. Aziz encourages us to imagine ourselves as a vaporâsoft, fluid, and not attached to any one thing. When someone gets upset with you, instead of bracing yourself and trying to protect your identity, let the feeling pass through you. "Let it move right through. Thereâs nothing for it to hold on to."
The Action Step: Practice Letting GoYour action step today is to practice letting go of the need to control how others feel. When you encounter a situation where you're worried about someone's reaction or judgment, visualize yourself as vapor, creating space around you. Let that feeling of discomfort move through you without holding on to it. This will help you become more present in the moment and less consumed by fear.
Remember, every time you choose authenticity over people-pleasing, you're building confidence. Confidence doesnât come from pretending to be someone youâre not; it comes from embracing who you truly are.
The Key to True FreedomAs Dr. Aziz says, confidence is a byproduct of action. When you take actionâwhether itâs in social situations, your career, or relationshipsâyouâll find that your confidence grows, naturally. You can stop worrying about pleasing others and start living life authentically.
By acknowledging your fears, embracing your sensitivity, and letting go of the need to control how others feel, youâll free yourself from the shackles of people-pleasing. Itâs time to step into your true self and embrace the freedom that comes with being authentically you.
You are worthy. You are enough. And you are awesome just as you are. Keep taking bold action and know that every step you take toward authenticity is a step toward true freedom.
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Welcome to todayâs episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! If youâve ever felt stuck, procrastinated, or told yourself âI shouldâŠâ but still didnât follow through â this episode is for you.
Dr. Aziz reveals the three powerful secrets to breaking out of avoidance and finally taking the action you know will move your life forward. Whether itâs social confidence, career growth, health habits, or daily routines â it all comes back to one key truth:
Confidence is a byproduct of action.
In this episode, youâll discover:
Why resistance, groaning, and procrastination are totally normal (and how to break through them)
The surprising way your identity story might be keeping you stuck
How to use pain as powerful leverage (yes, really!)
The missing piece that makes it way easier to follow through
Why pleasure in the future is the key to taking action today
Dr. Aziz also shares his personal story of emotional pain, transformation, and how one pivotal night in his 20s changed everything. If you're ready to overcome avoidance and create a life that energizes and fulfills you, this episode will give you both the mindset and momentum to start now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Do you often find yourself stuck in the cycle of procrastination, avoiding tasks that you know could improve your life? Whether it's taking social risks, having difficult conversations, or simply getting things done, we all face moments when it feels impossible to take action. In this post, Iâm going to reveal the three secrets to breaking free from inaction and boosting your confidence.
Secret #1: Recognize the Pattern
The first step in overcoming procrastination and avoidance is to recognize the cycle youâre in. It often starts with the feeling of fearâfear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of discomfort. You know you should act, but instead, you avoid the task. You tell yourself âI should,â but you donât follow through. This internal tension leads to resistance, and eventually, you may find yourself stuck in a negative identityâthinking of yourself as someone who just canât follow through or is too scared to act.
The first secret is to notice this pattern. Acknowledge that youâre caught in it and make the decision to do something different. The more you notice it, the more you can break free from it and start acting from a place of empowerment, not fear.
"Confidence is a byproduct of action. You wonât feel confident until you take action." â Dr. Aziz
Secret #2: Use Pain as Leverage
Pain is one of the most powerful motivators for action. In fact, research shows that we are twice as motivated by pain as we are by pleasure. The key is to leverage pain in a constructive way.
Ask yourself: What is the cost of inaction? If you keep avoiding something, where will it take you? In the case of social anxiety, it might be loneliness or missed career opportunities. By focusing on the pain of staying stuck, you can create a sense of urgency and motivate yourself to act.
However, it's essential to not get lost in despair when reflecting on this pain. Instead, take ownership of the situation and realize that you can change things. When the pain of staying where you are exceeds the fear of the unknown, youâll finally take the leap.
Secret #3: Focus on the Pleasure of Action
While pain can push you to act, pleasure is what will keep you going. We often resist action because we focus on the discomfort of getting started, but if you shift your focus to the benefits of taking action, youâll find yourself motivated.
For example, if youâre avoiding a workout because it feels hard to start, remind yourself of how good youâll feel afterwardâthe energy, the sense of accomplishment, the pride in doing something for yourself. By training your mind to see the pleasure on the other side, youâll feel more compelled to take action.
"Are you willing to be uncomfortable now to experience the extraordinary in your life?" â Dr. Aziz
Taking Action: Your Next Step
Now that you know the three secrets to taking action, itâs time to put them into practice. Start by recognizing the patterns that hold you back, use pain and pleasure to motivate yourself, and take action even when it feels uncomfortable.
If you want to make real progress in your life, the key is consistent action. The more you act, the more confidence youâll build. Itâs time to break free from the cycle of procrastination and start living boldly.
Remember, confidence comes from doingânot waiting for the perfect moment or feeling ready. Take action today, and watch your confidence grow! You are capable of so much more than you realize. Keep going, and you'll soon be amazed at how far you can go.
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In todayâs episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the hidden cycle that fuels your worry and anxietyâespecially when it comes to social situations, work, dating, money, health, and more. If youâve ever wondered why anxiety keeps coming back despite trying tools like affirmations, meditation, or even medication, this episode is for you.
Youâll discover:
The 5-part anxiety loop that drives your fear and fuels the need to control everythingWhy the real issue isnât the fear itself, but how you relate to itHow to spot where you are in the cycle so you can break free in real timeThe power of self-awareness and softening, instead of resistance and controlOne simple but powerful action step to find reliefâstarting todayDr. Aziz reveals how recognizing this cycle (Fear â Urge to Do â Prevent the Bad â Avoid Pain â More Fear) can unlock lasting freedom and peace. Tune in now and take the first step toward living with more presence, ease, and inner confidence.
đ§ Ready to finally stop fighting anxiety and start living? Press play now.
------------------------------------------Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of worry and anxiety? Maybe you're overthinking conversations, feeling uneasy about upcoming events, or imagining worst-case scenarios. This constant cycle of fear and worry can feel overwhelming, but thereâs a way out.
In todayâs post, weâre diving deep into how anxiety works and, more importantly, how you can start breaking free from it. Letâs explore how to stop worrying, be more present, and create lasting peace of mind.
The Anxiety Cycle: Fear, Action, and PainIt all starts with fearâthe feeling we all know too well. When we feel anxious, whether itâs about a social situation, work stress, or personal struggles, we experience fear. Itâs that tightness in your chest, the flutter in your stomach, or the constant, buzzing thoughts in your head. The immediate reaction to this fear is often the urge to do somethingâanything to make it stop. We might try to control the situation, over-prepare, or replay conversations in our minds, trying to plan every possible outcome.
This urgency to act comes from the desire to avoid pain. Whether itâs the emotional pain of rejection, embarrassment, or failure, we act to prevent those outcomes. But the irony is, the more we try to control and avoid pain, the more we trap ourselves in this cycle.
"Fear leads to the urge to do something, which is often about preventing bad outcomes. But what are we really protecting ourselves from? Pain."
What Happens Next?
Once weâve acted or worried about acting, we eventually arrive at the one thing weâve been trying to avoidâpain. It could be the pain of failure, rejection, or even just the discomfort of uncertainty. And hereâs the twist: weâre so afraid of pain that we spend most of our energy trying to protect ourselves from it.
But what if we stopped trying to avoid pain altogether? What if, instead of controlling, we embraced impermanence and allowed ourselves to experience lifeâs inevitable ups and downs? As Buddhist teachings remind us, everything in life changes, including pain. The pain we fear is often temporary, and yet, we treat it like a permanent threat.
"The fear of pain keeps us stuck in a cycle of worry and control. But what if we embraced the fact that pain, like everything else, is temporary?"
Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Observation
So how do we break this cycle? It starts with observation. The first step is noticing where you are in the cycle of anxiety. Are you stuck in fear, urgently trying to do something? Are you trying to protect yourself from pain or a bad outcome? By becoming aware of these patterns, you can begin to step out of the cycle.
Next, try to soften the need for control. Recognize that, while some things in life are out of your hands, this doesnât mean youâre powerless. You donât need to control every outcome to feel okay. You can still act, but from a place of inspiration, not fear. Start practicing this mindset shift by simply observing your thoughts and reactions when anxiety arises.
"By observing the cycle of fear, action, and pain, we can break free from the need to control and start embracing life's natural flow."
The Action Step: Embrace the Impermanence of PainAs your action step today, when you notice anxiety or worry creeping in, pause and ask yourself: âWhat am I trying to control? Am I trying to prevent pain or avoid something that might not even happen?â Recognize that life is full of ups and downs, and some of the pain we fear is inevitable. But that doesnât mean we canât navigate it with peace and resilience.
Instead of reacting out of fear, act from a place of acceptance and curiosity. Itâs okay to feel discomfort or uncertainty. By embracing this, youâll free yourself from the constant cycle of worry and begin to live more fully in the present.
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In todayâs episode, we continue the powerful conversation on overcoming the illusion that youâre "not where you should be" in life.
Dr. Aziz shares the fundamental error that keeps you stuck in feelings of inadequacy and pressureâand reveals a new way to free yourself from that cycle.
You'll discover:
-Why your circumstances donât have to define your happiness
-The key shift that allows you to feel fulfilled now instead of waiting for external success
-A powerful action step to release the pressure and step into self-compassionThis episode is about reclaiming your confidence, finding peace in the present, and fueling sustainable success from a place of self-acceptance.
---------------------------------------------------Do you feel like youâre stuck in a rut, endlessly comparing yourself to others, convinced youâre not where you should be in life? If so, you're not alone. In this episode, Dr. Aziz shares some life-changing insights that will help you stop feeling inadequate and reclaim your peace of mind.
The Illusion of "Where You Should Be"
Many of us are burdened by a feeling that weâre not living up to some societal standard. You might think: âI should be in a relationship by now,â or âI should have more money, a better job, a better house.â These thoughts weigh heavily on your self-esteem, leading you to feel less than, inadequate, and even ashamed. Dr. Aziz calls this the âfundamental errorâ: thinking that in order to feel okay, something in your life circumstances must change.
âThe solution is not in the circumstances. It's not out there. It's inside you.â
This erroneous belief that something outside of us needs to change before we can feel peace is a major source of unnecessary suffering. When you feel like you're not enough as you are, you either shut down or try desperately to change everything all at onceâand it still doesn't bring the fulfillment you seek.The Real Problem: Self-Gaslighting
You might not even realize it, but when you feel like you're not where you should be in life, you're often gaslighting yourself. Dr. Aziz describes this as a cycle of comparing yourself to others and convincing yourself that youâre not enough. Your inner âsafety policeâ tells you to stay small to avoid riskâfear of failure, rejection, or criticism keeps you paralyzed.
âI need something to be different right now in order to feel okay. But what if you donât?â
This thought trap is designed to keep you from taking risks and living authentically. The truth is, nothing will change in a lasting way until you shift your inner dialogue and stop waiting for circumstances to be perfect before you feel okay.The Answer: Self-Compassion and Present Awareness
How can you break free from this cycle? The solution lies in self-compassion. Itâs essential to start being kind to yourself and slow down. Take a moment to tune into the feelings of frustration, inadequacy, or longingâand be curious about them rather than trying to eliminate them.
âMove towards the pain with curiosity and compassion. Thatâs the key to healing.â
When you can sit with your discomfort without judgment, you begin to fill the inner void that youâve been desperately trying to fill with external circumstances. Itâs about becoming your own best friend, your own inner champion.The Action Step: Challenge the Stories
Hereâs your action step for today: Start noticing the stories you tell yourself about what you need in order to feel okay. Ask yourself, âIs it true that I need this specific thing in my life to feel happy?â What if, just for today, you let go of the need for perfection and simply embraced where you are?
By practicing this, you will slowly dismantle the false belief that you need something external to feel worthy or fulfilled. And when you do this consistently, you'll start to feel empowered to take action from a place of self-acceptance, rather than desperation.
Final Thoughts: Freedom Awaits
You donât have to wait for the perfect life circumstances to feel at peace. When you practice self-compassion and shift your mindset, you open the door to greater confidence and the ability to create the life you desire.
You are already worthy. Start taking small steps today, and before you know it, youâll be well on your way to living the life you deserve. Remember: Youâre awesome just as you are.
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Do you ever feel like you're behind in life? Like you're not where you should be? In todayâs episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the unconscious programming that fuels this feeling and how to break free from it.
You'll learn:
Why we constantly feel like weâre falling shortHow societal and personal conditioning shape our expectationsThe key to shifting your mindset so you can feel good right nowâwithout waiting for external successThis episode is all about reclaiming control over your life, challenging the "drummer in the back of the bus," and finding joy before you reach the next milestone.
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Have you ever felt like you're not where you should be in life? Like there's a destination you're supposed to reach, but no matter how hard you try, it feels out of your grasp? Youâre not alone. Many of us have faced these feelings of inadequacy, discouragement, or frustration when we feel that we haven't achieved everything we thought we would by a certain age or stage in life. In this episode, weâll explore why that happens and how to break free from these limiting beliefs to get to where you want to beâboth in life and in your inner world.
The Unconscious Forces at Play
We often think weâre in control of our lives. After all, we make decisions, set goals, and take action. But have you ever caught yourself doing something you didnât plan to do? Maybe eating something late at night you didnât even want, or acting out of frustration when you didnât mean to? If youâve experienced this, youâve been influenced by unconscious forces that are driving your behavior without you even realizing it.
Carl Jung famously said, âUntil you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.â This means that the patterns, beliefs, and conditioning weâve developed throughout our lives are often controlling us, guiding us in ways that might not be aligned with our true desires.
The Drummer in the Back of the Bus
Think of your life as a bus, and you are the driver. But hereâs the catch: you're not driving alone. There's a whole group of characters in the back of the bus, influencing your decisions. These characters are your unconscious programmingâthe messages you've absorbed from society, family, and past experiences. Some of these voices might tell you that you're not good enough, not successful enough, or that youâre falling behind in life.
Imagine one of the voices on the bus is the "drummer"âthe voice that constantly beats the rhythm of what's wrong, what's missing, and what you should have done by now. Itâs the voice that says, "You should have achieved more by now" or "You need to be in a relationship to be happy."
The problem is, these unconscious voices drive us to make decisions based on fear and inadequacy. We feel the pressure to be perfect and chase after what society says we should want, but often, these desires are culturally conditioned and not entirely our own.
Shifting from Fear to Freedom
How do you break free from the constant chatter of this internal drummer? The first step is awareness. You need to listen to the voices that tell you youâre not where you should be, and ask them questions.
What do you want me to do? Why do I need to achieve this specific thing to feel okay? By bringing attention to these voices, you start to question whether they are truly yours, or if they're just a product of your upbringing or societal expectations.
Once you understand these voices are not the truth of who you are, you can begin to quiet them. And here's the key: true freedom comes when you recognize that you donât need to achieve or have everything in place to be happy. The pressure to be perfect, to meet certain external standards, is what keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and frustration.
Your Action Step
This week, take some time to listen to the drummer in the back of your bus. Pay attention to the voice that tells you you're not enough. Write down what it says. Then, question it. Challenge its validity. Is it really true? Can you still be happy without meeting those external standards?
The more you do this, the more youâll create space for your true self to emerge. You donât need to meet every external expectation to feel worthy. True growth comes from aligning with your authentic desires, not from chasing what others expect of you.
In the next episode, weâll explore how to liberate yourself from this inner conflict and step into a life filled with joy and authenticity.
Stay tuned for more!
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Are you constantly worried about hurting other peopleâs feelings? Does this fear keep you from speaking up, setting boundaries, or asking for what you really want? In todayâs episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down how this pattern of over-cautiousness can actually be harming youâand how to shift into a healthier, more authentic way of being.
Youâll learn the crucial difference between hurting and harming others, how to release unnecessary guilt, and why disappointing people is a normal and necessary part of life. If youâve ever struggled with people-pleasing, this episode is your invitation to break free.
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Today, weâre diving into a fear that many of us struggle with: the fear of hurting others. Whether itâs in relationships, work, or social settings, many people worry about causing discomfort for others, and in doing so, end up hurting themselves. Letâs explore how this fear works and how to break free from it to become more authentically you.
The Difference Between Hurting and Harming
Itâs natural to care about how others feel and want to avoid causing harm, but we often confuse hurting someone with harming them. Hurting is an emotional reactionâsomeone might feel upset or disappointed by something we say or do. Harming, on the other hand, is when we intentionally cause damage, like bullying or being cruel on purpose.
For example, in a situation where someone misses a deadline at work, saying something like, âYou were supposed to get this to me by Thursday. It's now Friday, and itâs not up to standard,â might cause them to feel hurt, but itâs not harmful. Itâs an honest expression of what happened. But many of us avoid doing this because we donât want to hurt someoneâs feelings.
The Fear That Holds Us Back
The real issue comes when we fear causing any discomfort or disappointment in others. We avoid honest conversations because we think it might hurt someoneâs feelings, and in the process, we become stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing. This happens often in romantic relationships. You might avoid telling your partner what you truly want to do on the weekend because you donât want to disappoint them. Maybe you say yes to something you donât want to do just to keep the peace. But in the long run, this doesnât serve anyone. Youâre suffocating your own needs while sacrificing your well-being to avoid a moment of discomfort for the other person.
The Myth of Perfection in Relationships
A significant part of this fear is rooted in the belief that we must always keep others happy. This stems from an unrealistic expectation that we should never disappoint or upset anyone. However, the reality is that healthy relationshipsâwhether romantic, platonic, or professionalâare built on honesty and boundaries, not on never causing anyone any discomfort.
I once had a client who feared expressing his needs to his spouse because he didnât want to hurt her feelings. This fear ultimately hurt him and their relationship. He wasnât able to share his preferences and, in turn, felt like he wasnât being true to himself. And the irony is that when we deny ourselves, it doesnât lead to harmonyâit creates inner resentment and can damage relationships in the long run.
Shifting Your Perspective
Hereâs the truth: you donât need to be afraid of causing discomfort. Discomfort is a natural part of any relationship. Itâs a signal that we are growing, evolving, and being real with each other. Instead of fearing it, we need to embrace it. When you stop overthinking and start being honest, you allow space for true connection and authenticity to thrive.
Your Action Step: Embrace Discomfort
Your action step is to start small. Identify one thing youâve been holding backâsomething youâve been avoiding because youâre afraid it might hurt someoneâs feelings. Maybe itâs a boundary you need to set or a desire you havenât expressed. Whatever it is, take that step today. If guilt arises, thatâs okay. Remember, youâre not trying to harm anyone. Youâre simply honoring your own needs and feelings.
The more you practice this, the more natural it will become. You'll begin to realize that it's not about being mean; itâs about being true to yourself, and this leads to stronger, more authentic relationships.
By shifting your mindset and embracing your true self, youâll create deeper, more meaningful connections and start living with freedom. Youâre allowed to take up space, express your needs, and set boundaries without feeling guilty. Start today and watch the transformation unfold.
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Feeling stuck, frustrated, or like nothing you're doing is working? Discouragement is part of every growth journeyâbut how you handle it determines whether you break through or give up.
In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden reasons why we feel discouraged and how your mind is wired to shut you down when challenges arise. Learn the powerful questions you must ask yourself to shift from discouraged to determined and keep making progress toward your goals.
If you've ever felt like giving up, listen nowâthis episode could change everything.
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Weâve all been there: feeling excited, optimistic, and ready to take on the world, only to face moments of discouragement. The truth is, on any growth journey, there will be highs and lows. The key to lasting success lies not in avoiding those lows but in how you handle them when they come.
The Power of Staying in the Game
Just like in investing, success in confidence-building isnât about timing the marketâit's about time in the market. In other words, consistency is what matters. If youâre committed to growing your confidence, itâs not about doing something quickly and checking it off your list. Itâs about staying in the process, even when things get tough.
But hereâs the catch: the more action you take, the more likely you are to face discouragement. Thatâs by design. When you start actively putting yourself out thereâwhether itâs in dating, your career, or speaking up more in meetingsâyou open yourself up to setbacks. And when those setbacks happen, that discouragement can feel like a ton of bricks.
Why Does Discouragement Hit So Hard?
Discouragement hits hardest when you start to face your fears and take risks. When youâre playing it safe, like I did in my own life during my battle with social anxiety, you can avoid discouragement. But once you start stepping up, putting yourself out there, and truly engaging in the process, discouragement is inevitable. Why? Because thereâs a part of youâthe safety policeâthat wants to avoid discomfort at all costs. When you try something new, especially if itâs a risk, that part of you freaks out and says, Whoa, stop, stay small, stay safe.
Thatâs when the discouragement feels so intense. Itâs designed to make you stop, retreat, and never try again.
Shifting Your Response to Discouragement
Hereâs the crucial point: How you respond to discouragement will determine how far you go on your confidence journey. If you give in to it and retreat, youâll never see the growth you want. But if you can push through and keep going, thatâs when the real transformation happens.
To break through discouragement, hereâs what you need to do:
Name Whatâs Happening: When you feel discouraged, recognize it for what it is. Acknowledge that the discouragement is real but doesnât define you. It's just part of the process.
Get Compassionate with Yourself: Take a moment to connect with yourself. Put one hand on your chest, one on your belly, and take deep breaths. Acknowledge the discouragement with compassionâYeah, it feels tough right now, but that doesnât mean Iâm stuck. Then, shift your focus.
Ask the Key Questions:
Why do I want this?How bad do I want it?Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve it?The power of answering these questions lies in the fact that when you connect with your deeper values and purpose, your discouragement fades into determination.
Your Action Step
If you're feeling discouraged right now, perfect timingâthis is exactly when you can apply these tools. Take a moment to ask yourself: Whatâs a goal I really care about? Answer the questions above honestly. The more connected you are to your âwhy,â the stronger your resolve will be to push through challenges.
If youâre not feeling discouraged at the moment, think of a goal youâve been working on, and run yourself through the same process. Youâll be amazed at how clarity and determination come flooding back.
The road to confidence isnât always easy, but when you stay in the game and choose to keep going, youâll look back and be amazed at how far youâve come. Keep going, and donât give upâyouâre building something extraordinary.
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What if the way you talk to yourself is the biggest factor in your confidence? In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals powerful self-talk strategies to transform how you feel about yourself and how you show up in the world.
Learn how to shift from toxic, self-critical thoughts to an empowering, unstoppable mindset. Discover the key to steering your inner dialogue and why the words you chooseâboth in your head and out loudâcan radically impact your confidence, success, and relationships.
If youâre ready to upgrade your self-talk and unlock high confidence, listen now!
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Have you ever felt that rush of confidence, only to have it fade away when you stop doing the things that made you feel good? Maybe youâre sleeping better, eating right, exercising, and suddenlyâboomâyou feel great! But then, when you let those healthy habits slip, your energy dips, and you wonder why you feel worse. The same thing can happen with one of the most powerful tools for confidence: self-talk.
Today, weâre diving into a simple but game-changing tool that many people forget to use or fail to use consistently. Ready to take control of your confidence? Letâs get started.
What Is Self-Talk and Why Does It Matter for Confidence?
Self-talk is the internal conversation you have with yourself. Itâs what you say in your head when you face challenges, make mistakes, or take risks. Most of us experience this as a continuous stream of thoughts, some positive, but many negative, critical, and judgmental.
The issue? Our self-talk shapes how we feel about ourselves and how we show up in the world. Negative self-talkâlike âIâm not good enoughâ or âIâll never succeedââleads to insecurity and low confidence. But hereâs the catch: You can shift this conversation.
âThe way you talk to yourself has a direct impact on your nervous system and your body. If you want more confidence, you have to talk to yourself differently.â
When you replace negative self-talk with positive, encouraging thoughts, youâll start to feel more empowered. Itâs like having a personal coach who cheers you on every step of the way. And the best part? You have the power to be that coach for yourself.
Why Do We Talk to Ourselves This Way?
Have you noticed that most of the time, our self-talk is critical, especially when we're nervous or insecure? If you're about to speak up in a meeting, go on a date, or make a big decision, you might hear thoughts like, âIâm not good enoughâ or âWhat if they donât like me?â This negative loop is common, but itâs not real. Itâs just your mind trying to protect you from potential failure or rejection.
But here's the problem: that self-criticism doesnât protect you. It holds you back. It makes you play small and prevents you from taking risks or stepping into your full potential.
The Power of Shifting Your Self-Talk
The real magic happens when you consciously choose to shift your self-talk. Instead of listening to that harsh, toxic coach in your head, you get to take control and start cheering yourself on.
âThe only way to change your confidence is to change your internal narrative.â
Hereâs how you can do it:
Notice the toxic self-talk. Catch yourself when youâre being overly critical.Challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, Is this true? and How would I speak to a friend who was feeling the same way?Replace it with positive, empowering self-talk. Say things like, Iâve got this. I am enough. I am capable of handling this.The more you practice this, the more natural it will feel. Itâs like training a muscleâthe more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Take Action: The Key to Building Confidence
Hereâs your action step: Pick a situation in your life where you feel insecure or lack confidence. Maybe itâs a work presentation, a social event, or a tough conversation with a colleague.
Step 1: Write down the default self-talk you have in that situation. What are you telling yourself?Step 2: Now, write down the optimal self-talk youâd like to have. What would a supportive coach or a good friend say to you?Step 3: Start repeating that new self-talk to yourself before and during the situation. Watch how your confidence starts to shift.The more you practice this, the more youâll notice a radical shift in how you show up in the world. Your confidence will increase, and youâll feel empowered to take on new challenges and opportunities.
A Final Thought: You Are Your Best Coach
You donât need to wait for someone else to validate you. You can be your own biggest cheerleader. Start speaking to yourself in a way that builds you up, and youâll start seeing powerful results in your life.
Remember, confidence isnât about waiting for everything to be perfect. Itâs about taking action despite the doubts and fears. Youâve got this.
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What if the way you see yourselfâincapable, unworthy, not enoughâisnât actually real? In this episode, Dr. Aziz exposes the greatest deception holding you back: the false identity youâve been playing for years.
Discover why you unconsciously cling to this limiting self-perception and how itâs keeping you stuck in fear, self-doubt, and hesitation. More importantly, learn how to break free and start showing up as the confident, bold version of yourselfâstarting today.
If youâre ready to challenge the biggest lie youâve been telling yourself and finally step into your power, tune in now!
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Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? Maybe it's in your career, in relationships, or even in social situations. That nagging voice in your head tells you you're not attractive enough, not successful enough, not worthy enough. What if I told you that this ânot enoughâ story is a huge lieâand youâre the one telling it to yourself?
In this post, Iâll reveal the biggest deception youâve been playing on yourself for years, and how to break free from it to create a life where you show up boldly, confidently, and authentically.
The âNot Enoughâ Trap: A Story Youâve Been Telling Yourself
If youâve ever felt like you're not enoughâwhether thatâs in terms of attractiveness, success, or social worthâyou're not alone. Many of us have an internal narrative that says, âIâm not good enough, and I never will be.â This belief can show up in many areas: âIâm not good enough to be in a relationship,â or âIâll never be successful, so why bother trying?â
I used to believe this story myself. As a young man, I thought, âIâm unattractive, and no one will want to date me.â I even told myself that I couldnât possibly be successful because I wasnât the kind of person who achieved big things. But hereâs the secret: That story was never true. It was a character I was playing in my mind, but it wasnât who I truly was.
âYou are convincing yourself that you are small, incapable, and not enough. And the truth is, that story isnât real.â
Why We Keep Playing Small
The big lie that keeps us stuck is that we need to believe weâre not enough because it feels safe. If we can convince ourselves weâre incapable, then we never have to take the risks that could challenge that belief. We avoid uncertainty and stick to the comfort of our âsmall selfâ identity.
This is why many people avoid going after their dreams or speaking up in a room full of people. If you believe youâre not worthy, you wonât try to start that business, ask someone out, or create the content that could change the world. You stay small to protect yourself from failure and rejection.
âThe illusion of stability comes from avoiding uncertainty, but itâs not real. Itâs only a safe feeling until it isnât.â
How to Break Free from the âNot Enoughâ Story
Hereâs the truth: The ânot enoughâ story isnât serving youâitâs keeping you from the life youâre truly capable of living. To change this, you need to stop playing the character of small, incapable you. Instead, ask yourself: What would I do today if I truly believed I was enough?
Letâs say you believe youâre not attractive enough. What would you do if you knew you were attractive and worthy of love? Youâd put yourself out there more, right? Youâd take more chances, go on dates, make new friends. Youâd show up fully as yourself. Thatâs the power of shifting your belief.
âWhen you stop believing in the lie of not being enough, youâll start doing the things that prove you are enough.â
A Call to Action: Start Living the Truth
If youâve been stuck in the ânot enoughâ story for too long, itâs time to rewrite it. Your action step is simple: Pick one area of your life where youâve been holding back because you believe youâre not enough. Then, ask yourself, If I truly believed I was enough in this area, what would I do differently today?
Maybe itâs stepping up in a meeting, asking someone out, or starting a project youâve been putting off. Whatever it is, take that step. The more you do, the more youâll prove to yourself that the story isnât trueâand the more confident youâll become.
The truth is, you are enough. And itâs time to start living like it.
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