Episodi
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In this episode, you will hear me in conversation with Kelly McDaniel, a therapist and author, whose latest book, Mother Hunger, examines the impact on women specifically of having lacked the proper nurturance, protection, and guidance from their primary maternal figure in early life.
The reason I wanted to speak to Kelly in the context of “women without kids,” is that it seems obvious to me that living with mother hunger can’t NOT have an impact on how one feels about becoming a mother, or about the experience of being a mother after having had a child. In the episode we discuss:
-Kelly’s definition of “mother hunger” and how she came up with the term.
-Why 50% of the population experience mother hunger and how it manifests in issues around food and love.
-What causes mother hunger - and why this is often the result of an epigenetic inheritance.
-Why structural issues make it harder for mothers and babies to bond - and the lifelong attachment issues that can result from this.
-How mother hunger impacts our procreative choices and how we may feel about becoming mothers ourselves.
-The links between mother hunger, anorexia, and being “a-reproductive” (i.e. having no desire to reproduce).
-The impact of a lack of paid parental leave on mother hunger
-Why choosing not to have a child can be the most “loving” choice if we are aware that our capacity to mother is being compromised.
-Why our materialistic, consumer culture is just another substitute mother - and a way we seek to soothe our mother hunger.
Learn more about Kelly and her work HERE and check out Mother Hunger HERE.
You can get your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.
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Mickey Down and Konrad Kay, creators of HBO's Industry, on addictions to success, status and money, and the substance abuse that fuels their hit show. In the episode we discuss:
-Why the themes of ambition, success, and money are at the heart of HBOs Industry – and how these themes manifest in various addictions among the characters
-Choosing what we worship, and what happens when we put our faith in external things to make us feel safe, secure, happy, and whole
-Why recreational drug and alcohol use is so normalized – and how it morphs into more problematic use, especially in high pressure industries
-The individual drivers behind the culture of “success addiction” and “never enough” depicted in the show
-The role of childhood wounds in our self-destructive adult behaviors
-The transactional nature of the sex depicted in the show, and what this says about the characters’ lack of capacity for connection and vulnerability
-Dating apps being the crack cocaine of courtship – and the role of this in an addictive hookup culture
-The motivations for two of the characters getting sober in Season 2, and their different approaches to their sobriety
-The complexity of human nature, and how our “worst selves” often come out when we are feeling vulnerable and afraid
-The role of art in helping us develop self-compassion for our less palatable actions and behaviors
-Two key lines from the show that encapsulate our modern culture of excess
Seasons One and Two of Industry are streaming now on HBO. You can follow along on Instagram @industryhbo for updates.
Big thank you to Ghia for partnering on this episode. Get your Ghia at Drinkghia.com where you can get $10 off your first online order with the code CURIOUS.
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Episodi mancanti?
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Full-spectrum life coach Goddexx on transcending binaries, the roots of codependency, and embracing the fullness of who we are - in sobriety and beyond. In the episode we discuss:
-Their experiences with food addiction in childhood – related to food insecurity in the home
-Starting to abuse alcohol in tandem with coming into their bi-sexuality
-Toggling between different addictions to manage different situations and emotional challenges
-Discovering and enacting their own “harm reduction” approach to substance abuse
-The role of codependency in dysfunctional families – and why this is especially prevalent in migrant and other marginalized communities
-The prevalence of alcohol and other drugs in queer spaces as a way of numbing out internalized homophobia and transphobia
-Their work creating sober circles and spaces for healing in the QTBIPOC space
-The value of ritual, spell-work, and other forms of spiritual practice in sobriety
-Healing from intergenerational trauma – and the role of substance abuse in numbing the pain of the past
-What it means to live a “full spectrum” life – and why this concept can be frightening for people
-The value of boundaries when it comes to embracing fluidity
Learn more about Goddexx and their work HERE and follow them on Instagram @iamgoddexx.
Big thanks to Ghia for partnering on this episode. Get your Ghia at Drinkghia.com where you can get $10 off your first online order with the code CURIOUS.
Thanks also to Curious Elixirs. Purchase directly online at Curiouselixirs.com where you can use the code RUBY22 for $10 off any order worth $50 or more.
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Ghia founder Melanie Masarin shares how she came to be a pioneer in the nonalcoholic beverage space, and why quitting drinking was the best she ever did for her productivity and her wellbeing. In the episode we discuss:
-How her upbringing in France informed her drinking choices in later life
-How the drinking culture in France differs from that in the UK and US
-Cutting out alcohol to try to diagnose her stomach issues – and discovering how good it felt not to drink
-Why not drinking is integral to her success as an entrepreneur
-Why taking a month off booze isn’t really enough to experience all the benefits of living alcohol-free
-The prophetic conversation that led to her coming up with the concept for Ghia
-Her go-to drink when there is no Ghia on the menu
-The social value of European “Aperitivo” culture - and why we don’t need alcohol to enjoy it
-Not providing options for non-drinkers as a form of social discrimination
-Why she has over-invested in getting Ghia into hospitality venues and the long-term vision attached to this
-Being “sober curious” with cigarettes and coffee
-Her experiences of the “Cali Sober” scene in LA
Follow Melanie on Instagram @melaniemasarin and get your Ghia at Drinkghia.com, where you can get $10 off your first online order with the code CURIOUS.
Big thanks to Athletic Brewing for partnering on this episode. Get your brews at Athleticbrewing.com and use the code RUBY20 to receive 20% off your online order of any beer or Daypack sparking water products.
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Jason Gots, podcaster and author of Humanity is Trying: Experiments in Living with Grief, Finding Connection, and Resisting Easy Answers, on the nature of human suffering, living with grief, and the Buddhist approach to addiction and self-discipline. In the episode we discuss:
-Jason’s drinking history and what led to him getting sober curious
-How Buddhist ideas and practices have influenced his relationship with alcohol
-The conversation with his father than helped his sober curiosity stick
-Having a lot of “drunken poets” as his early heroes, and letting go of his romantic associations with booze
-How a culture of “survivalism” has been passed down the generations, and different generations’ responses to this
-What the show Euphoria shows us about shifting motivations for substance use and abuse
-The role that alcohol and other substances played in his relationship with his sister, and in her death in 2015
-Medicating our grief – for both the people and the things we have lost, and the things we fear we will never be able to have
-Self-discipline as both punishment and liberation – and the role of “friendly curiosity” in supporting healthy new habits
-The Buddhist concept of “the middle way,” and why it’s so hard to achieve this – through moderation – with a substance like alcohol
Learn more about Jason and his work HERE, get your copy of Humanity is Trying HERE, and listen to the Clever Creature podcast HERE.
Big thanks to Ghia and Athletic Brewing for partnering on this episode. Get your Ghia at DrinkGhia.com and get $10 off your first online order with the code CURIOUS. Order your Athletic brews at Athleticbrewing.com and use the code RUBY20 to receive 20% off your online order of any beer or Daypack sparking water products.
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Jessica Baum, psychotherapist and author of Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love, on the links between attachment theory and our addictions to substances, behaviors, and unhealthy relationships. In the episode we discuss:
-An overview of attachment theory – and how our relationship with our early caregivers wires our attachment style
-How an inability to trust and connect with others can be traced back to how our nervous system formed in infancy
-Why we become “attached” to certain substances, behaviors, and people, when we are detached from ourselves
-Why so many people experience insecure attachment – whether this is expressed in “anxious” or “avoidant” tendencies
-Why addictive behaviors are only a symptom of underlying distress – which often has its roots in attachment issues
-The meaning of “dis-regulation” and how we learn to reach outside of ourselves to regulate our nervous system
-Why a state of relaxation and ease can feel so alien to us when we are used to being dis-regulated
-Why workaholism and “overdoing” are so prevalent as ways of avoiding states of inner distress
-The chemical reaction that makes some people more vulnerable to “love addiction”
-Where codependency and love addiction overlap
-Why healthy conflict is what builds intimacy in relationships – and how being conflict averse can enable destructive behaviors
-The journey from “selfless” to “self-full” as a way to become more secure in our attachments
-Why it’s normal and okay to “self-medicate” and how to discover what are safe medicators for us
Get your copy of Anxiously Attached HERE and follow Jessica on Instagram @jessicabaumlmhc
Big thanks to Ghia for partnering on this episode. You can get your Ghia at Drinkghia.com - where you can also use the code CURIOUS to get $10 off your first online order.
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Avis Cardella, the author of Spent: Memoirs of a Shopping Addict, discusses our pervasive culture of compulsive spending and why we're more vulnerable to shopping addiction than ever. In the episode we discuss:
-When everyday consumption morphs into compulsive spending or shopping addiction
-Why compulsive shopping is not the same as over-spending or regularly getting into debt
-The physical sensations that could show shopping has become a problem
-Why shopping addiction is not taken as seriously as substance abuse
-How our desire to be loved and accepted plays into shopping addiction
-Growing up in a consumer culture – and equating spending and being bought stuff with “love”
-How consumer culture has changed in the decade following the 2008 financial crash – and become more targeted and insidious
-How Avis addressed her shopping addiction – and the one time it has back come up in her life
-The psychology of “pandemic shopping”
-Why shopping too much, along with working too much, is often celebrated under capitalism – and the negative consequences of both
-The link between compulsive spending and body image issues
-The impact of social media on our spending habits
You can get your copy of Spent: Memoirs of a Shopping Addict by Avis Cardella HERE.
Big thanks and shout out to Athletic Brewing for partnering on this episode. You can order online at Athleticbrewing.com and use the code RUBY20 to receive 20% off your online order of any beer or Daypack sparking water products.
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Author Swan Huntley on drinking to escape the trap of perfection, and why self-love is a part of every sober and sober curious journey. In the episode we discuss:
-Swan’s sober story – and how her drinking found her living a secret double life
-The book that made her realize it was time for her to quit
-Why everybody is sober curious before they get sober serious
-Why she decided to write a fictionalized account of somebody’s sober curious journey
-Reading and daydreaming as a healthy escape – and another way to dissociate
-Why total abstinence equals freedom from our addictions
-Whether there is any such thing as an “addictive personality” – and the factors driving our compulsive behaviors
-Why the themes of perfectionism and control are very much tied to addictive behaviors
-The concept of “keeping your side of the street clean” as it pertains to sobriety
-The process of letting go of thoughts, beliefs, and resentments that are keeping us stuck in the past
-The trap of using alcohol to unlock inspiration– and finding the courage to create sober
Learn more about Swan Huntley and her work HERE, get your copy of Getting Clean with Stevie Green HERE, and follow her on IG @swanhuntley
Big thanks to Ghia for partnering on this episode. You can get your Ghia at Drinkghia.com - where you can use the code CURIOUS to get $10 off your first online order
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DJ Hanzi, founder of sober dance party, Reprieve, DJ Hanzi, founder of sober dance party, Reprieve, talks about the healing power of music and dance, and how to navigate the nightlife as a non-drinker. In the episode we discuss:
-How his experiences of going clubbing sober led to him setting up his sober dance party, Reprieve
-How he kept the party going during Covid – and how it became a place for people to release tension and find hope
-The therapeutic value of music and dancing when it comes to our mental health
-Why dancing sober can be so intimidating – and how to overcome your shyness on the dance floor
-Hanzi’s journey to sobriety – and why alcohol was the last substance he got around to giving up
-Why problem drinking sometimes doesn’t look like “problem drinking” – and why sobriety isn’t just for alcoholics
-How “partying” comes to be equated with getting high, and how to reclaim our right to play
-The value of creating a more mainstream conversation about mental health, alcoholism, and addiction
-How making time for FUN can fight fatigue and fuel us in our fight for a most just and equal world
Learn more about Hanzi and Reprieve HERE and follow along on Instagram @djhanzi and @reprieveparty
Big thanks to Curious Elixirs for partnering on this episode! Ship online at curiouselixirs.com where you can use the code RUBY22 for $10 off any order worth $50 or more.
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Celebrated hair stylist Jayne Matthews on how getting a midlife diagnosis of ADHD helped her make sense of her substance abuse. In the episode, Ruby and Jayne discuss:
-Why discovering cocaine was what finally led to Jayne quitting drinking
-Why it was the hangovers – not the drinking – that became the reason she had to quit
-The dangers of being a high-functioning addict
-Jayne using booze to self-medicate her undiagnosed ADHD symptoms
-Why both alcoholism and ADHD are said to run in families – and whether this is about genetics or learned behaviors
-Not doing well in school and drinking being something Jayne could be “good at” in her teens
-Why ADHD symptoms sometimes look like PTSD
-Dealing with the shame, disappointment, and irritation of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world
-How Jayne's ADHD traits have helped drive her business success
-Jayne's thoughts on ADHD medication given her history with addiction
-Why we are seeing a spate of mid-life ADHD diagnoses – among women in particular
You can learn more about Jayne and her work, and purchase her digital haircutting courses, HERE, and follow her on Instagram @jayne_edosalon
Big thanks to Ghia for partnering on this episode. You can get your Ghia at Drinkghia.com - where you can use the code CURIOUS to get $10 off your first online order.
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My guest today is the author and founder of The Luckiest Club, Laura McKowen. Laura is the first person I’ve had on the show twice. The first time, we were talking about her book, We Are the Luckiest, and I invited her back to discuss an essay she published in the New York times last fall, titled: How I Knew I Needed to Quit Instagram.
I could relate personally to so much of what she described in her piece, in which she compared her relationship with social media with her alcohol addiction. The essay also came out around the time that reports surfaced linking social media use to negative mental health outcomes, among young girls in particular, and it seemed to me like it was part of a much larger, and ongoing conversation about how we navigate our lives online in a healthy way.
As I was researching my questions for this interview, the parallels between social media and a substance like alcohol became clearer and clearer – and we get into all of that, along with what happened when her agent and publisher gently suggested that she get back on Instagram for the sake of her career. In the episode we discuss:
-The highs and lows of social media addiction.
-Moderating social media the way we used to moderate alcohol.
-Why both social media and alcohol capitalize on our need to be validated and fit in.
-Why it hurts so much to be unfollowed – and why we feel ashamed for caring about this.
-How the advent of the personal brand was enabled by social media – while simultaneously shaping how we use these platforms
-The impact on our mental health of constantly micro-managing our online personas.
-How social media create a climate of constant competition with one another.
-Why there is no such thing as being 100% “authentic” on social media.
-What makes some people more susceptible to social media having a negative impact on them.
-Finding other spaces to have more complex, nuanced, and thought-provoking conversations.
Read Laura's NYT essay HERE, learn more about her work HERE. Laura's podcast is Tell Me Something True.
And big thank you to amazing folks at bonbuz for partnering on this episode. You can order directly at bonbuz.com - and get 10% off your order with the code RUBY10 when you click HERE
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My guest this week is Mark Groves—a human connection specialist and founder of Create The Love.
Probably the number one question I hear from people who are getting sober curious, is how will this affect my relationships. For most of us, regardless of our level of attachment to the substance itself, alcohol is part and parcel of our social lives. It’s there in our friendships, our families, our intimate partnerships, and our dating lives. So what happens when we remove it?
Definitely a lot more awareness of the people and the situations we feel comfortable with. Probably a few / a lot of changes to our social lives as a result. I wanted to talk to Mark about how to navigate all of this, and why we feel we need alcohol to connect with others in the first place.
This has all been front and center of Mark's life since he quit drinking three years ago. In the episode we discuss:
-The impact of the Covid pandemic on our connections with others.
-What led to him getting sober curious three years ago - and the specific quote that set him on his path.
-Why we believe we need alcohol to connect with others - and what is really happening when we use booze socially.
-The social contracts that are often the foundation of our drinking choices.
-How being raised Catholic impacted his early intimate relationships.
-Going through his first sober breakup.
-His experience of being "Cali-sober" and why this didn't work for him.
-The power of learning to sit with painful emotions.
-What his time working in Big Pharma taught him about the Western approach to health and wellbeing.
Learn more about Mark and his work HERE and follow him on Instagram @createthelove.
And big thanks to Grüvi for partnering on this episode. Order at Getgruvi.com and use the code “Sobercurious10” to get 10% off your first online order
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My guest today is Aubert Bastiat – who is the co-founder of Sacred Sons, a global brotherhood that facilitates gatherings, workshops, and trainings focused on helping men discover a healthy connection to their masculinity.
It has always struck me that substance abuse goes hand-in-hand with unhealthy – or what is often termed “toxic” - masculinity. Alcohol especially can enable a three-dimensional caricature of what it means to “be a man”- aggressive, violent, sexually entitled – that causes so much harm in the world, and I knew that Aubert – who has a background of addiction and recovery would be the perfect person to speak to this.
Our conversation goes to some deep, vulnerable, and incredibly inspiring places. In the episode we discuss:
-Discovering substances as a teen growing up in a deeply dysfunctional home
-How our “emotional inheritance” can manifest in self-destructive behaviors
-The impact of having an absent father on his sense of self as a masculine being
-The “magical awakening” that led to him finally getting sober
-Why spirituality is an essential component of recovery – and why organized religion is another form of patriarchy
-The definition of a “sober masculinity”: responsible, mature, emotionally intelligent, and protective
-Seeking personal power vs. power over others
-Gravitating towards men’s consciousness raising work as part of his own journey of self-discovery
-What we are really seeking when we reach for alcohol and other drugs
-The concept of brotherhood and reclaiming the word “bro”
-What he plans to teach his sons about alcohol and other substances
Learn more about Aubert and Sacred Sons HERE and follow along on Instagram @aubertbastiat and @sacredsons
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My guest today is Jayne Mattingly – a therapist and eating disorders recovery coach, and the founder of Recovery Love and Care.
I’ve wanted to have a conversation about how eating disorders fit into the landscape of addiction and recovery for a long time, partly because of my personal history with anorexia. It was only while writing Sober Curious that I became fully aware that this is absolutely a part of my addiction story. But I had shied away from talking about it publicly as, a) I feel a lot of shame about having been anorexic, and b) I know what a controversial and potentially triggering subject this can be.
Then I started to do some more research, and I discovered that 50% of individuals with eating disorders also abuse alcohol or other drugs, a rate five times higher than the general population. Which I think is significant enough that we can’t not talk about it. In the episode we discuss:
-What makes eating disorders and addictions very similar - and very different
-How all eating disorders develop as ways to dissociate and manage difficult feelings
-Why we live in a “hostile recovery environment” when it comes to both eating disorders and alcohol abuse
-Why people with eating disorders often present as very “high functioning” - and how this can hinder intervention
-Why there is such a huge overlap between substance abuse and eating disorders
-The racist, ableist roots of diet culture and fat phobia
-The link between eating disorders and ADHD medication - and how this can be safely managed
-The prevalence of orthorexia - an addiction to healthy / clean eating
-Why our relationship to food often mirrors our relationships with people
-What attachment theory can tell us about disordered eating
-Why self-acceptance—not self-love—is the key to healing body image issues
Learn more about Jayne Mattingly and her work HERE, support her And initiative HERE, and follow her on Instagram @recoveryloveandcare
And big thanks to Grüvi for partnering on this episode. Order at Getgruvi.com and use the code “Sobercurious10” to get 10% off your first online order
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My guest today is Khadi A. Oluwatoyin, who is the founder of Sober Black Girls Club – a platform for Black women and non-binary people who are sober, sober curious, or even just thinking about putting down the bottle.
Khadi was raised in a strict Muslim household, and alcohol was not part of her world growing up. But within hours of arriving at college, she had her first drink – and so began her career as a heavy binge drinker. She shares the specific solution that alcohol provided for her: it was a way to put down the high-achieving, perfectionist tendencies that she developed as a kid to mask the impact of her abusive childhood.
As well as hearing her personal story, I wanted to learn from Khadi about the specific challenges of Black women in sobriety – and we get into topics such as the myth of the Black superwoman, and why AA tends to be so white, and why creating more inclusive sober spaces is not always the answer. In the episode we discuss:
-Becoming a high achiever in school to mask the impact of her traumatic childhood
-The immediate relief she felt on taking her first drink at college
-Perusing a career in law – and what makes this a heavy-drinking profession
-Why early intervention can prevent people from developing more serious substance use disorders
-Why alcohol addiction is often not spoken about openly among the Black community
-Being the only Black person at the rehab facility she went to, and why this is so common
-Why it takes so long for high functioning addicts to get the help they need
-Her experience of AA – and why she knew this program would never work for her
-Why it was having no more goals to reach for that tipped her into addiction
-Mental health conversations in the black community
-Why Black women’s self-worth is so tied up with being busy and helping others
-Why race is integral to both the causes of and recovery from addiction
-What’s in her Sober Black Girls recovery toolkit – and why creating SBG has been part of this
Learn more about Khadi and her work HERE and follow her on Instagram @soberblackgirlsclub
And big thanks to Lyres and Three Spirit for partnering on this episode!
Discover Lyres non-alcoholic spirits at Lyres.com and visit lyres.com/sobercurious to sign up for a special 15% discount code. You can also follow along on Instagram and find more recipes @lyresspiritco.
OrderThree Spirit botanical elixirs at Threespiritdrinks.com and get 15% off your online order with the code RUBY. Find them on IG @threespiritdrinks
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My guest on today’s episode is Shain Kish – who is a long-time member of the Sober Curious community, and my co-moderator in the "Sober Curious Book" Facebook group.
Shain was the first person to ever show up at a Sober Curious writers group I used to host, and he found my work having been searching for ways to think about quitting drinking that actually spoke to him. He has gone on to use a “harm reduction” approach to addressing his alcohol and drug abuse, and he explains here what this has looked like in his life.
The thing I love about Shain's attitude is that he is all about being gentle with yourself, being patient, and giving yourself the compassion that you need as you figure this stuff out. in the episode we discuss:
-His experience of growing up in a bar (the family business) and how this shaped his approach to drinking
-Being drawn to bar and club culture because it felt like “home”
-Alcohol as a form of “therapy” for people who don’t have access to mental health services
-Choosing not to judge his past behavior – and how all our experiences make us who we are
-Different substances he’s used and the different impact they have had on him
-Asking: who am I without booze? And who do I want to be?
-Being a “party person” as part of his professional persona
-Why it takes time, trial, and error to find your way as a non-drinker
-The difference between being an alcoholic and somebody who sometimes abuses alcohol
-Why confronting his childhood trauma was the only way to address his substance abuse
-Why sobriety is easier than moderation (and why moderation never really works)
-Why navigating shame has been a foundational piece of his sober curious journey
You can connect with Shain in the "Sober Curious Book" Facebook group and follow him on Instagram @shainoffools
Big thanks to Grüvi for partnering on this episode. Order at Getgruvi.com and use the code “Sobercurious10” to get 10% off your first online order
And shout out to Curious Elixirs for supporting also. Order at Curiouselixirs.com and get $10 off orders over $50 with the code RUBY22
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My guest today is Mia from The Sober Glow - who was one of the very first “sober influencers” that I encountered on social media in my early days of getting sober curious and in this interview, Mia and I both reflect on how we have evolved on our respective sober curious paths.
We also cover the unique challenges of being a non-drinker during a global pandemic, finding new ways to manage stress, why Mia recently archived all her old Instagram posts, and how one of the biggest gifts of removing alcohol has been greater self-acceptance. In the episode we discuss:
-Her reason for quitting drinking six years ago – and how this has evolved
-Why she no longer describes herself as “sober” and prefers the term “non-drinker”
-How the real work of “sobriety” begins after you have removed the booze
-Working as a nurse during the pandemic and having to find new ways to cope with stress
-The practice of “yoga nidra” – and how this helps her regulate her nervous system
-Why using THC to help her sleep is not the same as being “Cali-Sober”
-Why intention counts for so much when creating new behaviors around alcohol
-The discomfort – and honesty – of undergoing big personal changes as a “public figure”
-The responsibility that comes with being an “influencer” and how important it is to retain integrity with what we’re sharing online
-How deciding to stop dying her hair went hand-in-hand with her quitting drinking
-Why the pandemic has helped us identify and prioritize what we want to keep in our lives
-Why her current focus as a non-drinker is how she shows in for her relationships
-The work it takes to maintain our friendships and the value of nurturing our IRL connections
-Why it’s more important to be authentic than to try to be “for everyone”
Learn more about Mia and her work HERE and follow her on Instagram @thesoberglow
And big thanks to Lyres and Three Spirit for partnering on this episode!
Discover Lyres non-alcoholic spirits at Lyres.com and visit lyres.com/sobercurious to sign up for a special 15% discount code. You can also follow along on Instagram and find more recipes @lyresspiritco.
OrderThree Spirit botanical elixirs at Threespiritdrinks.com and get 15% off your online order with the code RUBY. Find them on IG @threespiritdrinks
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My guest today is psychiatrist Anna Lembke MD, a specialist in Addiction Medicine at Stanford University. I invited Anna on to talk about her latest book, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence – in which she posits that practically anything can become addictive in what she describes as the “dopamine saturated ecosystem” of our world today.
Her book is a deep dive into the dopamine function of the brain, and she spells out exactly what is happening biologically whenever we reach for a drink, a pill, a smoke, a tweet, another person or whatever it is for us, in an attempt to tip the balance towards pleasure and away from pain. Thanks to the combination of consumerism and technology, she argues that we must resource ourselves to remain resistant to the addictive impulses that are constantly being triggered.
Anna’s book is packed with real life examples of people working through their addictions to anything and everything – and it provides fascinating insights into how to disrupt and reset the reward function of the brain. In the episode we discuss:
-How Anna came to work in the field of addiction – and why she finds this branch of the medical professional uniquely fulfilling
-Her definition of a “spiritual solution” to addiction
-Why almost everything in our dopamine saturated ecosystem is “drugified”
-Why it’s possible to get addicted to almost anything that tips us towards pleasure and away from pain
-What makes some people more vulnerable to addiction
-Why prohibition does and doesn’t work
-Why in an age of hyper-consumerism we must actively resist over-consumption
-Why high rates of anxiety and depression are linked to the constant “comedown” of living in a pleasure-saturated world
-Why doing hard things helps us build mental, emotional, and spiritual muscle
-The value of “pro-social” shame when it comes to positive behavior change
-Our mutual email obsession – and how we are both working with this
-How the concepts of “dopamine fasting” and “self-binding” can help us reset
-Her views on moderation – and what must happen first before we can even consider this approach
Get your copy of Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke MD HERE
Big thanks to Grüvi for partnering on this episode. Order at Getgruvi.com and use the code “Sobercurious10” to get 10% off your first online order
And shout out to Curious Elixirs for supporting also. Order at Curiouselixirs.com and get $10 off orders over $50 with the code RUBY22
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My guest on today’s show is David Murphy—chief “flavor architect” for Lyres. David is a restauranteur, a sommelier, and a decades-long wine specialist, and now he has brought all his expertise in the field to the alcohol-free space.
I’ve been very curious about how people working in the alcohol industry at large are responding to the emerging sober curious or alt sobriety space. I sometimes picture people at the big booze brands sitting around, scratching their heads trying to figure out how to keep people drinking. Although, let’s be real, they are selling a highly addictive drug that is the most socially acceptable way to medicate out existential pain, so it’s not like alcohol is going anywhere fast.
But this conversation with David made me believe that, if nothing else, there being more and more alcohol-free options on menus makes it easier for people to choose something else rather than just drinking because it’s what everyone else is doing.
We also talk about the components that come together to make a really “good drink,” the future of alcohol-free wine, and how conversations about addiction are evolving among hospitality industry professionals. In the episode we discuss:
-The heavy drinking culture in Australia—and how this is changing radically
-Realizing it is just good business to give non-drinkers better options on a menu
-The toll that daily drinking takes when it’s part of your job
-How the sober curious movement has made it easier to talk about addiction within the booze industry
-How he went about creating non-alcoholic versions of all the classic spirits – and why tequila has the hardest flavor to replicate
-What makes a really “good drink” – and how to begin experimenting on your own at home
-Why the alcohol-free space wine has been so hard to crack and the latest developments in this area
-The ripple effect of him getting involved in non-alcoholics among his family and friends
-More people selecting their hospitality venues based on their zero-proof offerings
Learn more about David Murphy and Lyres new Agave Spirit non-alcoholic tequila blend HERE.
And big thank you to Avec for partnering on this episode—who make elevated mixers that are perfect for pairing with your favorite alcohol-free spirits. Find them at Avecdrinks.com where you can get 10% off online orders with the code "SoberCuriousPod"
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Find the episode and subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, and Stitcher, or listen up below.
My guest this week is the author and motivational speaker, Sylvester McNutt III. I met Sylvester when I was a guest on his podcast, Free Your Energy, and as soon as we signed off that day, I knew I wanted to have him on here to continue the conversation.
I explain why as the recording gets going, so you’ll hear about that in a few moments. But his Sober Curious journey aside, I also wanted to have Sylvester on as his work speaks directly to what is such a key piece of this path: how, where, and why am I directing my energy, and what am I either inviting into my life or preventing myself from experiencing as a result.
With his writing, he spreads the message that “healing is the key to success.” And, yes, our relationship to alcohol and other substances is a part of this. I’m just going to leave this here and get right into it. In the episode we discuss:
-His first Sober Curious birthday – and how he made his decision whether or not to drink
-His drinking history and how his relationships to alcohol has evolved over the years
-His idyllic experience of early family life as a child – and the incident that changed everything
-How his parents’ drinking shaped his feelings about booze
-How removing alcohol has impacted his male friendships
-How to “Free Your Energy” - and why getting conscious about your drinking is part of this
-Why he never gave in to peer pressure to drink during high school – and why he started drinking in college
-Why he decided to get Sober Curious after becoming a father himself
-How removing alcohol has impacted his relationship with his partner
-What it means to live a “purposeful” life – and why alcohol now has no purpose in his life
-Why shame is so prevalent in our society and how to move beyond living from low self-esteem
-His go-to healing practices and why community is such a big part of this
-Why he’d rather be alone than engage in “fake” friendships – and how to keep it real with the people we love
Sylvester McNutt III is an author and host of the Free Your Energy podcast. Learn more about his work HERE and follow him on Instagram @sylvestermcnutt
Big thanks to Grüvi for partnering on this episode. Order at Getgruvi.com and use the code “Sobercurious10” to get 10% off your first online order.
Shout out also to Curious Elixirs alcohol-free cocktails. Order online at Curiouselixirs.com—where you can also get $10 off orders over $50 with the code RUBY22.
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