Episodi
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Borderline Mixed Signals & Codependent Fantasy Bond Cycles
Borderline’s mixed signals and Codependent fantasy bonds. Borderlines in relationships give endless mixed signals like telling you how much they love after traumatizing behaviour or while still ghosting you, or after having ghosted or even for years discarded you. Saying in Hoovers, they love you, they need to figure out how to let you go - end the relationship - but they don’t know how. Meanwhile you love them, you focus on them to the detriment of yourself as an Ex and Codependent. You need to let that BPD Ex go, but, you don't know how.
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Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - Why pw/BPD Get More Than Average
Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - why people with BPD get more tattoos and/or piercings than non-Borderlines.
A commenter (on Youtube) asked if a woman has an excessive amount of tattoos, could this be a dating red flag that she has BPD. I answer this question about Borderlines and tattoos and explain why people with BPD do, in fact, have many more body modifications- tattoos and piercings than those without BPD and several key reasons why people with Borderline Personality get tattoos and piercings so often. In a high percentage of a study they found that 22.41% of people with BPD had tattoos over at least 10% of their bodies.
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BPD Relationship Ruptures Are All Relationships Just Hard Work?
BPD relational ruptures and an answer to a Codependent commentor's question are BPD and all relationships just hard work wherein I explain the differences between BPD relationships and healthy relationships. I also answer the question, "How can you tell if it's the person with BPD or yourself as a Codependent?" In other words, is it my BPD partner and his or her BPD or is it me, the Codependent? Why do so many with Codependency believe that they are to blame for BPD relationship ruptures and BPD relationship impossibility?
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10 Ways To Help A Borderline - Fact or Myth
10 ways to help a Borderline are they fact or myth? I created a list of 10 ways to help a Borderline based on several different professional sources. As to whether these ways to help a person with BPD are helpful or harmful for you - fact or myth, I explain in this podcast why any loved one, Codependent person, loving a Borderline, will only make everything worse for themselves if you try these ways to help. Then again, many in their Codependent denial and BPD relationship impossibility may already be trying or have tried these 10 ways to help a Borderline.
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Borderlines Having Children - The Heartbreak of BPD Ex Loss or Co-Parenting
Borderlines having children wound them (more often than not) and the heartbreak of BPD Ex's loss or Co-Parenting. Whether the Borderline Parent is the mother or the father, each will wound his or her children. A commenter lost his child to a borderline's lack of care. Co-parenting with a male or female with BPD is for most a nightmare that no matter what the BPD Ex does wounds your child or children. If you are younger, dating a borderline or not sure, be careful. It's not healthy to have a child with an untreated person with BPD.
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Borderlines Don't Make You Sacrifice Yourself
Borderlines (or a BPD/NPD person) doesn't make you sacrfice yourselves as Codependents. A.J. Mahari adds in her experience on breaking free from her BPD/NPD Ex. Do you blame your BPD or BPD/NPD Ex for everything? What you need to know about your own personal responsibility that is necessary for healing change. You are not to blame for what a BPD or BPD/NPD did to you. But blaming them for your missed choice points that absolutely feel impossible won't help you break free of the betrayal bond. Not taking your own personal responsibility for Codependent choices made (consciously or unconsciously) aside from all that any BPD or BPD/NPD is responsible for will keep you stuck and will increase your suffering.
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BPD Triggers Explained & Why They Are So Crazy-Making
BPD triggers are explained and why they are so crazy-making. What you really need to know about BPD triggers that so many don't realize. What is the core of impossibility with BPD triggers? Why are BPD triggers central to endless lack of taking personal responsibility or accountability that is so crazy-making? BPD triggers are affecting you and part of how you as a partner, loved one, family member, of someone with BPD are losing yourself. You must stop care-taking for the person with BPD in your life. Stop trying to get the person with BPD to see how their triggered dysregulated emotion is hurting you because they just don't get it!
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What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?
What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?
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Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD Idealization
Borderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline.
For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you!
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You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You Anyway
Codependents can't give your Borderline what he or she needs. People with BPD really don't want what they need from you anyway. It's a lose-lose situationship. People with Codependency can't help a partner, or any loved one with BPD, you lost yourself trying, you don't get your needs met. And you can't satiate a person with BPD and the more you try, and try to love them, the more you will punished for your love and care. Codependents need to unlearn childhood woundedness and how it is repeating in all your externalizing out and endless focus on someone with BPD and on Borderline Personality Disorder itself. What about you?
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BPD Devaluation Introjected Codependent Responsibility Stop Internal Re-wounding
BPD devaluation and damage is introjected by Codependents. People with Codependency have a responsibility to stop internally re-wounding themselves internally. People with BPD damage people with Codependency who try to love them. Once you know what is happening, or what happened it is your responsibility to get into therapy and out of the relationship to break the betrayal bond and to learn how to stop over-focusing on the your Borderline Ex. It's so important to get out of denial and to stop abandoning yourself.
Codependency denied only exacerbates the internal critic that continues to internally re-wound your inner child and createsand continues your own inner critic to judge you so harshly as likely you were judged in childhood and by your BPD Ex.
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BPD Discard Codependent Fantasy Pissing Into The Wind of Cognitive Dissonance
BPD discards (final or not when unknown) fuel codependent fantasy and leave people with Codependency essentially pissing into the wind - as if that would be any reality of "taking a shower". These relationships ruptures often ending over and over again, also can be likened to the title of Judge Judy's book, "Don't Pee on My Foot and Tell Me it's Raining" Trying to continue in the
Codependent fantasy as this commenter I respond to does (with quite a twist near the end) means that in the cognitive dissonance of it all, the intermittent reinforcementof the still not broken trauma bond, so many with Codependency, on/off partners, Ex's in a limbo place as well continue to actually "piss into the wind" in a fantasy illusion that to do wo would mean you have taken a "shower".
In a relationship with an undiagnosed and/or untreated person with patterns of or with BPD being stuck in cognitive dissonance trying to figure out the Borderline, continuing to abandon yourself, perhaps as this commenter, while believing a desperate delusion that his Ex is getting closer to recovery or somehow will is the most agonizing height of so much pain and all of its rumination that
you feel like you just can't stop obsessing on.
See if you relate, at least in part, to this commenter and his torment of Codependent denial and not really understanding BPD while at the same time he truly pisses into the wind as if he awaits an actual shower.
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BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?
So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self.
The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations or
offer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online.
The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists.
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BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal
BPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many people
who have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy and
going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamic
and to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus on
the Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus will
keep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in order
to heal.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions -
Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection
People who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggered
have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. They
don't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don't
get it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many with
Codependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very often
that's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjected
persecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understand
your (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflict
that you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependents
will benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderline
who is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of the
wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight.
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Borderline Groundhog Day Repetition & Codependent Fantasy
Borderline Groundhog Day repetition compulsions are pretty much every day (untreated) and people with Codependency are still trying to change the Fantasy Bond. People with Codependency end up in the fantasy while (untreated) people with BPD live each day or most days as yet another groundhog day of their own unconscious repetition compulsions. Want or need to understand why your Borderline doesn't see you or hear you, devalues, blames you, feels like a victim and can't learn from the daily repetition compulsions cycles?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions -
BPD Relationship or Breakup - Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?
An inauthentic Youtuber who prior to March 2024 had 63,000 subscribers and now has bought her way up to 150+ subscribers, and counting, did one of her usual fluff so called "deep dive" into this silly title, "Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?"
In my alternative for those who find it and will benefit from much more information and resonate with this podcast (episode) I identity the following about Codependency for so many that are in a relationship, are recycling a BPD Relationship, been ghosted and/or discarded by a partner or now Ex with BPD and who are suffering immeasurably and can't stop ruminating. Still stuck painfully in the cognitive dissonance of what happened. Many remain confused for months to years unable to break the trauma bond that you must break to heal and recover from the BPD Breakup and from Codependency. In this episode I explain the following:
4 Codependent Themes15 Core Traits15 Childhood Causes 7 Benefits of Professional Help in Recovery
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Am I a Codependent in a Heartbreaking Cycle Of a Bpd Relationship or Breakup?
Am I a Codependent, are you a Codependent in a heartbreaking cycle of a BPD relationship and Breakup - ghosted, discarded, had to end it yourself?
In a BPD Relationship, recycling a BPD Relationship, or have you been ghosted or discarded - are you new to or still suffering from a BPD Breakup? Are you still unsure how to answer the questions, "Am I a Codependent?" Do you want that person with BPD back, are you totally focused on the on/off BPD - the Ex with BPD - still hoping, or did it all end a while ago or years ago but you still continue to hurt, watch videos, and ruminate?
Why realizing what Codependency really means and how it applies to you is the only way to heal (working with an expert in this area, like myself) and be able to move on and be truly free from anything to do with that person with BPD and all you have been wounded by.
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BPD Relationship Dynamics Codependents Staying But Not Taking It and Fighting Back
BPD relationships dynamics with codependents who are staying in the relationship "not taking it" and are fighting back thinking that this isn't codependent and that somehow it means you are not still getting very hurt and negatively impacted by all that people with BPD do that wounds those closest to them. What does fighting back look like and what is the result of it when on is doing that but still staying in a BPD relationship? The betrayal bond dynamics in relationships with a person with BPD and a person with Codependency aren't all just one-sided.
Session(s) With A.J. Mahari -
Empower Someone With BPD To End Unhealthy Life Choices Claims An Inauthentic Youtuber
I keep it real to help you heal!
An inauthentic subscriber purchasing Youtuber misinforms in the worst way possible by blaming
people with Codependency as if you need to be "perfect" before you try to have all those
"conversations" with someone in your life with BPD or else the borderline will just blame you.
People with BPD don't take personal responsibility and it's not your job to be a "role model"
or make sure as this Youtuber claims, "that your side of the fence is cleaned up first" to what,
talk to a person with BPD abusing and using you? This Youtuber has bought over 70,000 "fake" subscribers in April and May 2024 (perhaps still on-going?) and allegedly also purchased thousands of views on her video of a similar titlebecause her messages don't make sense and she isn't the "expert" she wants everyone to think she is.
An in authentic Youtuber blaming victims of abusive borderlines and suggesting that you should be ableto "empower them" to stop "unhealthy life choices" that result from BPD. She sounds like a lost puppy,a rampant Codependent but what else is wrong with her that she needs to try to buy her way to "more credibility" while putting out the garbage "information" that she does. You can't empower a person with BPD to end the unhealthy life choices they make. Those choices will continue and continue to hurt you as will any notion or belief on your part that you aren't "perfect" enough for a person with BPD who uses you can can't love you.
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