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Lately, I’ve been thinking about scarcity and how it shows up in our lives. I was prompted when the host on this podcast asked me why many high-level female leaders are reluctant to help other women rise the corporate ladder. My response was that these leaders have a Scarcity Mindset, which is the belief that success in any arena of life is a zero-sum game.
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“If only I had clarity, I know I have what it takes to accomplish any goal!” “If only I had the courage to pursue my dreams… but, alas, I’m just not brave!” “If I just had the confidence to try… write… build… say… (choose your verb), I know I would succeed!” These are words I hear often from my clients, regardless of age or background. They express the universal desire for the three “C’s”—Clarity, Courage, and Confidence—that so many people hope to gain from Professional Coaching.
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When someone asks me what I do, I tell them I help people create regret-free lives. This wasn’t the goal I set out with when I started coaching, but over time, I’ve learned that regret is a deep-seated fear for many, particularly those entering the second half of their lives. Forget about all the things we did that turned out to be mistakes. Here, I’m talking about regretting the things we didn’t do. Evidence shows that most people regret what they didn’t do far more than what they did.
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People who come to coaching often fall into two categories: Those who don’t know what their next (or first) career move should be and Those with a job and career who want to switch to something else. Coaching the first group involves diving into their core life values, uncovering one or multiple life purposes, and drawing out their courage to take the first small steps towards becoming the “The Man in the Arena” Theodore Roosevelt spoke about in his famous speech at the Sorbonne in 1910.
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I know it’s meant as a compliment, but it irks me when someone says, “You’re lucky to have a high pain tolerance.” They usually follow it up with a story about their own natural, even genetic, low pain tolerance. I’ve spent decades learning and practicing to become more tolerant of discomfort and pain. Professionally, it’s what I help my clients do, as well. I’m not any more genetically gifted or divinely ordained than the next person who takes two Advils at the slightest sign of discomfort. But, years ago, I learned a life lesson that changed everything.
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An extraordinary Life Coach is probably not smarter, richer or more academically accomplished than her clients. She may not be older, wiser or more worldly than her clients either. But if she’s really good at supporting them to live a more optimal and fulfilling life, it’s a good bet that she has made one transformative shift for sure. She’s turned pro!
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One year ago, during this week, still shell-shocked from the events of October 7th, I wrote the following article, Have Freakin’ Conviction! I could have never imagined that over a year later, our brothers, sisters, and children would still be held captive by the most evil and genocidal cult alive today. But I also couldn’t have imagined how much more robust, connected, and powerful the Jewish people would become because of this unspeakable tragedy.
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The rising generation, also known as Gen Z, has its work cut out for them! With nearly a decade of experience coaching this generation, I've witnessed their unique traits and behaviors. First, let me tell you what they are not. They are not stupid, uneducated, lazy, irresponsible, and a plethora of other negative attributions they’re generally given by parents, bosses, and those of their cohort who don’t suffer from the particular misunderstanding I’ll speak of here.
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At least once a week, I’m approached by someone eager to create a career as a Professional Coach. They often ask for my advice and sometimes the opportunity to work with me to build a thriving Coaching business. I’ve previously written about the qualities that define an extraordinary coach. Today, I want to share eleven non-starters on the path to becoming an impactful and successful professional coach.
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I have a bone to pick with the Happiness Crowd! Through the last decade, we’ve been obsessed with exploring, chasing, and finding happiness. Look through any airport bookstore, and you’ll find countless authors promising happiness—only if you follow their specific formula. This is Happiness…The How of Happiness…The Happiness Project…The Happiness Equation…The Meaning of Happiness…and my personal favorite (not really!)...Growing Up With A Bucketful of Happiness!
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Last week’s blog post, “Are you a Time Thriver or Time Survivor?” generated many responses, ranging from recognizing ourselves as one or the other type to wanting to learn more about the “how to.” Those primarily interested in tactics and strategies would be better served contacting a Time Management Coach. But if you are willing to dig deeper into your mindset and understand your unique beliefs around time and life and the more profound beliefs that are causing your experience of being a Time Survivor, I can help.
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I used to believe that our most valuable resource is time. After all, it’s the one commodity no amount of money can buy. And the fact that no one knows just how much remains for each of us in our lifetime, makes it even more rare and valuable. But after years of coaching people of all ages, genders, and life circumstances, I believe there is something even more valuable than time alone. Our Time Mindset.
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When you hear or read the word “detour,” what’s the primary emotion you experience Do you feel excited, optimistic, and energized? Or hesitant, doubtful, and cautious? I’m going to guess that for most of us, it’s the latter set of emotions.
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I’m obsessed with Ease. Let me be clear. Here, I’m not talking about Easy. Easy is about doing less, taking shortcuts, and staying inside our comfort zone. Easy says, “I don’t want to do hard things.” Easy seeks pleasure at the cost of joy and borrows from your Future Self. Easy is what so many of us are in pursuit of. But the truth is what we are genuinely seeking is ease. Ease is a state of being. It’s an organizing life principle. It’s possible to experience ease even when we are navigating challenging circumstances. You see, easy and difficult cannot coexist simultaneously. But difficulty and ease can.
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The impact of Perfectionism is like the force of Gravity. Most (I’m hoping all) of us are aware of it, and ignorance doesn’t shield us from its effects.
In other words, not understanding gravity will not prevent us from falling, and in that way, it’s shockingly similar to perfectionism. You see, not understanding perfectionism won’t shield you from its inevitable psychological and emotional damage.
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Growing our commitment muscle is arguably the most significant lever of success we have the power to enforce. Yet so many of us commit to an end goal at the cost of suffering through the journey.
If the process of achieving a goal feels like suffering rather than hard work, we might want to reconsider that goal.
My last blog delved into the profound meaning and value that commitment brings to our lives. We must first understand the distinction between doing hard things and suffering; only then can we address commitment.
A recurring question I’m asked is, “ Why and how do you run 50 miles?”
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I’ve been thinking about commitment.
Why does commitment have to be such a zero-sum game? Or does it?
Regarding most behaviors, a little bit is better than nothing. The foundation of successful coaching is helping folks take one small step at a time. Small steps forward can be a powerful strategy for attaining seemingly daunting and impossible goals.
But when it comes to commitment, taking small steps doesn’t do the job.
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Coaching is all about helping my clients get to “simple.” Let me explain. Albert Einstein explained the four ascending levels of cognitive prowess: Smart, Intelligent, Brilliant, and Genius. But do you know what Einstein, arguably the most intelligent human ever to grace this planet, considered an even higher level of intelligence than ‘Genius’? Simple.
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The more years I collect, the less time and attention I give to arguing, convincing, and explaining. I love Benjamin Disraeli’s advice to “never explain, never complain.” People who have known me for decades have noticed this shift. But they think it’s because I’ve learned to manage my emotions. They’re not wrong, but that’s only a small part of why I’ve become quieter in middle age.
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