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In this 'Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week' special, I speak to Laura Bisbey, who was diagnosed with perinatal distress and anxiety during her pregnancy. This sadly continued following the birth of her daughter. Laura tells me about her feelings of rage during the pregnancy, and - once her daughter had been born - her struggles with bonding and the onset of O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a tremendously brave conversation and I am so grateful to Laura for sharing her story with us.
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief mention of feelings of suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:28] Introduction to Laura.
[02:53] Increased anxiety and guilt about not enjoying pregnancy.
[07:15] Perinatal rage - completely out of character for Laura.
[10:02] How breaking her arm exacerbated negative feelings during pregnancy.
[12:05] Enforced rest = over-thinking. Feeling she wasn't needed at work. Letting the mask slip.
[14:06] Laura's husband couldn't relate, but was very supportive.
[15:37] Advice for people listening - "explain how you are feeling".
[16:51] The importance of Laura's work and how hard the abrupt ending was for her.
[19:11] Unrealistic expectations of how easy motherhood would be. Trying to be 'perfect'.
[23:34] Charlotte's birth - a quick labour but no 'rush of love'. Bonding took a year.
[28:37] C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) and O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Trying to stay 'in control'.
[31:24] *Waves of sadness and not wanting to be here anymore*.
[33:44] Starting to build a relationship with Charlotte through play.
[36:30] How Laura's O.C.D. manifested - fears around contamination, choking and vomit.
[43:28] How this O.C.D. tested Laura's relationship.
[44:45] Trying to cope when Charlotte was sick.
[47:33] Getting help with the O.C.D. and keeping 'checking' under control.
[49:26] How C.B.T. offered Laura solutions and strategies.
[51:14] Recovery isn't linear.
[52:02] How returning to work was integral to Laura's recovery.
[53:37] Finally being hit by that much longed for 'rush of love'.
[56:54] Telling people at work.
[01:03:09] Advice for people currently struggling.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow this link for N.H.S. information about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.)You can find more information about postnatal rage here â from the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (Australia).Perinatal O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is one of the most misunderstood perinatal mental health problems. Click here for advice and support from the Maternal O.C.D. charity, set up by 2 mums with lived experience and O.C.D. Action, the UK's largest O.C.D. charity.Difficulty with baby bonding affects a third of UK mums. Read more about it here in this N.C.T. (National Childbirth Trust) article.Find out more about the 'Circle of Security' model of attachment here -
I chat to Nick Raeburn, aka 'That Social Nerd'. Nick came to my attention in a very brave and raw LinkedIn post, where he talked about the huge flood of emotion he experienced in becoming a dad. Prior to having children, Nick had never cried - a result of the awful abuse he suffered as a child. This is a very emotional and deeply profound conversation; I don't think I've cried as much - or laughed as much - during an interview!
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief (but not graphic) early mention of Child Abuse, discussion of Trauma*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:46] Introduction to Nick.
[03:42] How the birth of his daughter was the catalyst to unlocking his emotions.
[04:41] How Nick was helped through therapy and E.M.D.R. (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).
[05:28] Lack of support during his childhood. Catharsis from expressing how he feels on social media.
[07:02] How the pandemic has affected attitudes to life and mental health.
[08:12] How Nick had buried the painful experiences of his childhood.
[09:28] Approaching fatherhood. The differences in the birth of his first and second child.
[12:46] Meeting his daughter for the first time. The importance of emotional intelligence.
[16:06] The unrelenting horror of sleep deprivation!
[21:54] The early days of having his newborn daughter at home.
[23:29] Feelings of anger, resulting from Nick's adverse childhood experiences.
[27:50] Owning his story and reclaiming his power.
[29:20] Fatherhood and masculinity. Discovering 'A Band of Brothers'. Mentorship.
[35:27] Recovery, including the E.M.D.R. therapy and mentoring other young men.
[43:00] How Nick has changed from the man his wife originally married.
[45:21] The importance of fathers engaging with their children - the 'First 1001 Days'.
[48:10] Nick's hopes for his son, going forward.
[50:06] Advice for those who have experienced abuse, but have never talked about it.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Click here for more information on E.M.D.R., known as Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing.Link to Rosey's website, 'PND and Me', founder of the #PND hour on Twitter.Listen to the Blue MumDays episode 'When Birth Leads to Trauma' with Dr Rebecca Moore. Find out more about charity 'Make Birth Better' here, Rebeccaâs organisation for supporting parents and healthcare professionals suffering from birth trauma or vicarious trauma.Read more on the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk, âmind, brain and body in the transformation of traumaâ.This 'Loving Kindness Meditation' will help you relax, reset and recharge. Itâs only 15 minutes long and you donât have to meditate - just close your eyes and listen. Thereâs no pressure to do anything, but it might just help you to relax. (Thank you to Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8 for creating this specially for Blue MumDays.)Learn more about award-winning... -
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For this Blue MumDays special celebrating Down Syndrome Awareness Day, I'm joined by the beautiful Jannah Hayah. Jannah talks to me about life with her gorgeous son Musa, who is 5. Musa has Down Syndrome, hearing loss and is fed via a feeding tube. Jannah is passionate about wanting the world to know that while a life living with disability can have its challenges, the struggle comes with incredible rewards. It's a wonderfully life-affirming conversation.
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth trauma and a very brief mention of feelings of suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:25] Introduction to Jannah and Musa.
[04:43] Judgement on Jannah looking well presented - double standard for women.
[11:08] Life before Musa. Transitioning into a mum with her older children.
[12:59] Musa's traumatic birth. Receiving the diagnosis of Down Syndrome.
[19:47] The damage of the words that were used.
[23:18] The need to take your time to accept and find peace with the diagnosis.
[26:01] How Musa has shaped Jannah into the woman she is today.
[27:36] The hugely positive affect Musa has had on his older siblings.
[31:54] The social model of disability - the need for society to be more accessible and inclusive for all.
[36:50] How people 'give up' making an effort as soon as they hear Musa is disabled.
[38:25] How Musa is determined and finds his own way in the world.
[41:19] Lack of support and information for Jannah at the time of the birth.
[43:54] Musa's difficulties feeding, due to low muscle tone.
[47:32] Being dismissed and ignored when asking for help.
[49:23] Hitting rock bottom. Discovering local group Jolly Josh - an absolute lifeline.
[53:37] Meeting the dietician - having the feeding tube properly explained to her.
[55:56] How Jannah's culture and religion perceives people with impairments and conditions.
[57:43] Musa's legacy - educating the world on inclusion.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow Jannah and Musa's Instagram or Twitter Feed for endless positivity and inspiration and to learn more about Musaâs journey.Jannah is an Ambassador for Making Chromosomes Count, a challenging, thought-provoking and inclusive non-profit magazine exploring the fascinating kaleidoscope that is Down Syndrome.The Down's Syndrome Association is a national organisation, committed to improving the quality of life of people who have Downâs Syndrome, promoting their right to be included on a full and equal basis with others. NHS information on Down's Syndrome â click on this link for more information about the condition, where people are born with an extra chromosome.Cristina at DiffAbility Charity is the amazing mum who delivers free âWelcome to the Worldâ packs to new parents in hospitals, welcoming and offering support to babies with Down Syndrome. Diff-Ability is a charity creating to create events and opportunities for people with disabilities, learning disabilities, Autism and neurodiverity to engage in with their families and friends. -
My guest this week is Dr Hannah Short, a GP Specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. (Premature Ovarian Insufficiency) and Premenstrual Disorders. In this fascinating episode, Hannah educates me on P.O.I., P.M.D.D. (Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder), Endometriosis and P.M.E. (Premenstrual Exacerbation). She also talks about her own experience of premature surgical menopause at the age of 35.
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Very brief mention of some women feeling suicidal feelings*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:15 ] Introduction to Dr Hannah Short.
[03:23] Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (P.O.I.) - early menopause below the age of 40.
[06:52] Treatments available for P.O.I.
[07:56] H.R.T. or Hormone Replacement Therapy.
[11:17] Hannah's interest in this area - personal experience of premature surgical menopause.
[16:11] The impact of not having children - the way society treats women without children.
[20:25] The symptoms of premature surgical menopause.
[22:41] Feeling a sense of loss at missing out on her youth due to illness.
[26:23] The power of podcasts and talking openly, especially as a G.P. (General Practitioner)
[27:37] Pre-menstrual disorders - P.M.D.D. (Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder).
[38:48] Endometriosis - what it is and what help is available.
[43:22] Feelings of rage.
[46:33] The effects of calming the autonomic nervous system - exercise, anti-inflammatory diets and meditation.
[51:05] The lack of recognition for these issues - stigma and taboo.
[54:05] Advice for women badly affected by hormones - tracking your symptoms.
[56:01] Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation (P.M.E.)
[57:33] The importance of psychological support.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow this link to access Dr Hannah Short's website â Hannah is a G.P. specialist in Menopause, P.O.I. and Premenstrual Disorders. You can order Hannahâs book The Complete Guide to P.O.I. and Early Menopause via this link.Click this link for NHS information on Early Menopause and P.O.I. (Primary Ovarian Insufficiency). POI is classed as menopause before the age of 40. Latest statistics suggest 3-4% of women across the globe or affected.You can read NHS information on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) here.Click here to read a patient leaflet on Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (P.M.S.) from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.P.M.D.D. or Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder is a hormone insensitivity affects around 5-8% of women as well as trans men, anyone who was born with ovaries. You can access Mind information on PMDD by clicking on this link.International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) follow this link for a lifeline of support, information and resources for women and AFAB individuals with P.M.D.D. and Pre-Menstrual Exacerbation... -
To mark 'Eating Disorder Awareness Week', I'm joined by Hope Virgo, who chats to me about navigating pregnancy with an eating disorder. Hope is an author and multi award winning campaigner. In 2018, Hope launched the #DumpTheScales campaign, which put eating disorders on the Government's agenda. Since then it has gone from strength to strength making change happen on a national scale, including a national march taking place in London on 22nd April 2023.
This episode was recorded last spring - since then, I'm happy to report that Hope had a beautiful healthy baby boy, who has been accompanying her on much of her campaigning work. Both he and Hope are doing well.
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Disordered Eating and very brief mention of Sexual Abuse*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:35 ] Introduction to Hope Virgo.
[04:58] Hope's eating disorder - a coping mechanism for childhood trauma.
[06:44] The pressure put on women when they are pregnant.
[08:51] What prompted Hope's eating disorder.
[12:11] What support might be available for Hope after having her baby.
[13:01] Breastfeeding pressure.
[17:30] The need to be your own advocate.
[19:06] Eating disorders affect more people than you think, many of whom suffer in silence.
[20:38] Mixed support - the need for education.
[21:56] Navigating eating when you're pregnant.
[25:00] Societal pressure - the size of your bump, the pressure to 'snap back' after birth, how much and what you are eating.
[31:51] The potential affect of eating disorders on fertility - loss of periods.
[33:12] Using exercise to numb emotions.
[36:32] Hope's campaigning work.
[41:23] Advice for anyone affected by disordered eating or exercise addiction.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Follow and support Hope's campaigning via her Instagram and Twitter feeds. You can also get in touch with her via LinkedIn.It's a myth that eating disorders are about vanity - they are much more complex than that.16% of pregnant women have experienced an eating disorder. 50% of them will relapse within a year of delivery.Eating disorders claim more lives than any other mental illness.Eating disorders can affect anybody and everybody - you don't have to look like you have an eating disorder to be suffering from one. They don't only affect thin people or white teenage girls.You can access support and information through Beat Eating Disorders, the UK's Eating Disorder charity.Find out about the Bristol Eating Disorders Health Integration Team here. Click this link to read and download their Eating Disorders Support Resources Guide.Click this link to read Abigail Reynolds' guest blog for the Maternal Mental Health Alliance, Eating Disorders and the perinatal period.Support and sign Hope's -
In a very moving yet inspirational episode, I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks about her early loss through miscarriage and the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Miscarriage and Baby Loss*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:16 ] Introduction to Keji Moses.
[04:35] Having her son, following an earlier miscarriage.
[09:12] The impact and loss of her first miscarriage. Lack of support.
[14:25] Keji's husband's reaction to the loss.
[16:52] Her pregnancy with Mayah - a diagnosis of Edwards' Syndrome.
[22:07] Knowing something was wrong. Being told there was no heartbeat.
[25:11] Saying goodbye.
[29:03] Starting her charity, 'Mayah's Legacy'.
[30:25] Equipping families for self advocacy.
[32:11] Channelling her pain into her creative offering.
[32:58] "It's not the end."
[34:13] A lack of support after Mayah's stillbirth.
[36:53] The need to put mothers experiencing baby loss on a different ward.
[39:20] Cultural attitudes to baby loss and mental health.
[42:30] How Keji's children dealt with the loss of Mayah.
[44:56] Advice for those who want to help a loved one affected by baby loss.
[49:13] The need for advocacy.
[54:06] Negative racial stereotyping within the maternal health system.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's LegacyFor Keji's empowerment tools for women on their healing journey, click this link to go to the Goddess Hub website.Follow this link for NHS on Miscarriage information.N.C.T. '8 Things That Can Help After Miscarriage'This link takes you to the Blue MumDays episode with my lovely mum, Nina Spilsted - PND in the '70s: My Mum's StoryTommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. Sands Baby Loss Charity is a UK charity providing information and support for those who've experienced pregnancy loss. The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates... -
This week's guest is Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States. After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both of her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.
This episode was recorded over Zoom from America, so apologies for the fluctuating sound quality. And for Brandy the Siamese cat's cameo at the beginning!
ï»ż*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, brief mention of Suicide*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:53] Introduction to Amy.
[03:41] Life before having her daughters.
[04:47] The first pregnancy - placenta praevia and bed rest.
[07:27] The mental load of tongue tie issues and sleep deprivation.
[10:04] Aiva's birth - C-section.
[10:58] *Trigger warning: brief mention of suicide of close family member*
[12:17] Lack of emotional support from her husband due to grief.
[15:05] Emberly's birth - V.B.A.C. and forceps.
[16:42] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and E.M.D.R. Therapy.
[20:15] A forced smile 'get this baby off of me'.
[21:30] The impact of medical students watching the birth.
[25:10] P.T.S.D. and heightened anxiety. Leaving her high-flying career.
[30:14] How you fundamentally change when you become a mother.
[37:22] Finding her calling.
[39:14] How employers need to better support working mothers.
[40:26] Amy's work supporting other mums.
[43:48] Attitudes and support for postpartum depression in America.
[52:47] How to improve the system - better education, including employers.
[54:48] The impact of short maternity leave in America.
[56:41] Personal growth.
[58:21] Amy's message to her younger self and for others out there suffering.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Click here for Amy's website for more information on her maternal leadership coaching and courses, including overcoming Working Mother Burnout.Information on Placenta PraeviaFind out more about Tongue TieClick for information on V.B.A.C. â Vaginal Birth After Caesarean.Link to information on P.T.S.D. â Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.Find out more about E.M.D.R. Therapy here â Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.Listen to Christina Brown's episode of Blue MumDaysMedicaid support for postpartum parents in AmericaAccording to Amy, 75% of women suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety in America donât seek... -
As a special bonus for 'Blue Monday', wellbeing specialist Justin Eade of Glimpse ~ Moving Well shares 3 quick tips for making the most of a walk. He explains why time outside is so beneficial to us - no matter how short - and how a gym ball can help soothe a crying baby!
Bringing together more than 25 years of experience with mind-body practices and holistic health research, Justin is also a nebosh accredited occupational health and safety specialist.
He offers tailored and accessible workshops on topics like better sleep and rest, stress and anxiety, digestion, energy levels, joy and relaxation. These can be bespoke to your personal needs and interests and delivered on a 1-2-1 or group basis, either in person or online.
Simple embodied practice & ideas to help people achieve a good work (and family) life balance.
LEARN MORE:
You can learn more about Justin and his work here: Glimpse Moving WellTwitter @glimpsei / Facebook / Pinterest.Get in touch: [email protected] / +44(0)7946519835If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it â which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
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Email: [email protected]
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
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This week's episode is a wonderful lesson in triumphing over adversity - a brave, beautiful and inspiring conversation for 'Blue Monday'. My guest is the incredible Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented.
UPDATE: This conversation was recorded in Spring 2022 - Charlie's beautiful wedding did go ahead on 24th April, with Harry playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on piano as she walked down the aisle.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Feelings of Suicide, Negative Reactions to Disability*
ï»żIN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
ï»ż[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:47] Introduction to Charlie.
[03:20] Life before motherhood.
[04:43] Finding out she was having twins.
[08:12] The pregnancy - feeling good, followed by bed rest.
[09:52] The birth - waters breaking at 32 weeks.
[12:49] Meeting the boys.
[15:03] The shock of hearing Harry's diagnosis.
[19:16] Lack of support.
[20:48] Hiding behind a smile.
[23:40] The impact on her partner and her relationship.
[25:25] Coming out of hospital.
[26:50] Getting used to the ICU, feeling like a visitor rather than a mother.
[29:12] Bringing the boys home.
[32:32] Becoming aware that she needed help. Muscle memory of the shock.
[36:05] The relationship with Oli.
[39:05] The power of validation.
[39:41] Finally breaking down in front of her mum.
[41:07] Receiving Harry's diagnosis of Autism.
[45:40] Reaching rock bottom - planning to take her life. *TRIGGER WARNING*
[46:43] Recovery - medication and counselling.
[48:20] The need for self compassion.
[50:30] Charlie's work - charity 'More Than A Face' and helping mums accept their 'grief'.
[54:27] The affect on Oli of having a sibling with additional needs.
[58:07] The boys now, as teenagers.
[1:00:15] The happy ending.
[1:01:58] Charlie's book, charting her motherhood journey, 'Our Altered Life'.
[1:03:03] How to get hold of Charlie.
[1:03:33] Advice for when meeting a parent of a child with additional needs.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Support for parents of multiples via the Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)For more information about Harry's condition, Goldenhar syndrome, please click this link.For parents of children with Autism, charity 'Ambitious About Autism' have a Parent Toolkit which may be helpful to you.Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of -
Our Christmas/New Year episode is with the hugely inspiring Sandra Igwe - maternal health advocate, TEDx speaker and founder of The Motherhood Group. Sandra talked to me in Spring 2022 about her work raising awareness of the disparities of black women's maternal mental health outcomes and issues. She also bravely shares her own personal experience of birth trauma and racism and the profound affect this has had on navigating motherhood.
Despite the heavy subject matter, I found this a joyous conversation and once again - like so many of my guests - Sandra has turned a hugely traumatic experience into something so positive, helping educate health professionals and offering support to other mums.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma and Racial Discrimination*
ï»żIN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
ï»ż[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:52] Introduction to Sandra.
[03:26] Writing her latest book based on her experience, 'My Black Motherhood'.
[05:37] Life before becoming a mum and the transition into motherhood.
[09:52] Sandra's first pregnancy - a beautiful surprise!
[13:49] Worries about not being a 'good' mum during pregnancy.
[16:04] Zoe's birth - dismissive, racist treatment and lack of adequate care/choice.
[21:15] Similar situation with her second daughter's birth - more trauma.
[25:05] Aftercare - or lack of it! The need for healthcare professionals to be better trained, especially on cultural competence.
[30:12] How this birth trauma impacted on Sandra's mental health.
[33:30] Cultural stigma and shame regarding perinatal mental health.
[35:17] Finding her tribe and finding her voice - starting The Motherhood Group.
[44:53] Recovery, including support from her partner.
[50:30] Finding your groove.
[52:24] Sandra's faith.
[54:48] Advice for people currently struggling.
[58:53] Free support available via The Motherhood Group.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Sandra's organisation The Motherhood Group raises awareness of black maternal health issues and offers peer-to-peer support, free doula support and free counselling for issues like anxiety, PND and stress.Black Maternal Health Week highlights the disparity of black mums' maternal mental health outcomes and issues. It occurs 11-17 April and this year's theme is: "Our Bodies Belong to Us: Restoring Black Autonomy and Joy!' (#BMHW23).Sandra's latest book 'My Black Motherhood: Mental Health, Stigma, Racism & The System' is available in all good book stores. You can purchase it here.Feeling emotionally invalidated during your labour is highly traumatising.If you can, have someone at your birth who can advocate for you while you are in a vulnerable position.The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.Black and minority mums are more like to have or develop mental health problems during the perinatal period and are less likely to get help.Black Mamas Matter... -
This week my guest is Dr Orinayo Onabanjo, a chartered counselling psychologist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Orin's skills include helping mums cultivate stronger attachments with their babies and addressing the impact unresolved childhood trauma can have on the journey of motherhood. We chat everything from mum guilt to the racist inequalities faced by black and brown parents in the UK maternity system.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Birth Trauma and PTSD*
ï»żIN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
ï»ż
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:46] Introducing Orin.
[04:12] How Orin helps new parents.
[04:45] The identity change and adjustment that occurs when you become a parent.
[13:03] The relationship of unresolved childhood trauma and becoming a parent.
[15:23] High expectations and the pressure to be 'super mum' or 'super dad'. The need to be more self compassionate.
[16:51] Reflecting on perfectionism and the drive to be the 'perfect' parent. The importance of self compassionate action.
[19:49] 'Good enough' parenting and mum guilt.
[23:17] Black and minority mums are 4x more likely to die in childbirth. The urgent need to look into this and better understand the black experience.
[28:05] Orin's work with healthcare providers, increasing their understanding of perinatal mental health.
[34:26] Early intervention is key.
[36:30] If you feel trauma from your birth, you have birth trauma. You don't need a formal diagnosis of it.
[37:01] The impact of being emotionally invalidated during your labour.
[39:30] How to get in touch with Orin.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
The phrase 'perinatal' refers to the period before and after having your baby.It can be difficult to adjust to your new identity, and it's okay for you to 'grieve' for the person you were before. It's a huge transition - allow yourself to time to adjust.Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)You can listen to our special episode on Birth Trauma with Dr Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here.Unresolved emotional wounds from childhood trauma can reappear when you become a parent.Self care and self compassion is really important when you become a parent - it's not selfish and it helps the entire family.Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.It's not realistic to be 'perfect' - there is no such thing!Don't compare yourself to people's social media feeds - it's not a true reflection of what's really going on for them.The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk... -
In a Movember male-mental-health special, this week I chat to Professor Viren Swami. Viren is Professor of Social Psychology at Anglia Ruskin University and is ranked in the top 2% of 'most-cited scientists' in the world. Viren's research is focused on the promotion of positive body image in diverse cultural groups, as well as mental health literacy and understandings of mental ill-health.
His work has moved on to include paternal postnatal depression following Viren's own struggles with fatherhood. He talks to me very candidly and movingly about the effects of suffering from PND after the birth of his son. Not to be missed.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Birth Trauma and feelings of Suicide*
ï»żIN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:59] Introducing Viren.
[02:54] Viren before his son came along.
[03:27] The abstract concept of 'having a baby'.
[04:44] Viren's work in mental health literacy.
[06:02] How men often put off seeking help.
[07:04] Highlight to other relevant episodes from S1 - Mark Williams, Elliott Rae and Dr Andy Mayers.
[07:27] It's a myth that men don't suffer from postnatal depression - 8-12% of first-time fathers do.
[08:13] Applying the term 'postnatal depression' to men can often make people less understanding, due to the misconception they are taking emphasis away from women.
[09:42] During the pregnancy, Viren felt estranged and 'not part of the process'.
[10:26] The birth itself - an unexpected and traumatic birth at home.
[12:20] Holding his son for the first time - feelings of numbness and not wanting to be there.
[15:09] The overwhelming responsibility of having a tiny human being and not knowing what to do.
[15:50] Problems with sleep.
[19:30] Viren's wife's experience - worrying about Viren on top of being a new mum.
[20:48] Issues with Jesse not feeding. Feelings of helplessness and not being able to 'fix' things.
[23:16] Struggling to function normally. Feelings of shame.
[24:21] Research study demonstrated the difference in how people perceived PND in mums and fathers.
[25:23] Keeping his feelings hidden.
[27:44] The devastating consequences of men suffering from postnatal depression.
[29:18] Depression doesn't get better on its own - the importance of talking.
[30:15] Internalising the depression, "there's nothing wrong with me!"
[31:04] Once opening up to a health visitor and being shut down.
[33:42] Plans for screening fathers - the need for everyone to be screened.
[35:33] Fears around being 'mentally ill' or having his son taken away.
[36:34] Feelings of anger at everything.
[37:08] "Why'd you hate me?" Irrational thoughts that Viren wasn't needed by his family. Feelings of suicide and battling himself.
[39:22] Feelings of love for Jesse didn't come till much later.
[41:17] The turning point - a letter from his wife and a visit to his GP.
[43:55] Advice for dads going through it right now. The affect of non-help-seeking on your family.
[46:33] Getting better isn't a linear process - there will be many ups and downs along the way.
[48:39] Realising that 'it's not your fault'.
[50:10] Playing with Jesse in front of his psychotherapist and being told that he was a good parent.
[52:00] Falling in love with his son and learning how to 'parent'.
[53:14] Breaking the fear of taking his son out on his own.
[55:06] The brilliance of baby cinema, like the Picturehouse's 'Big Scream'.
[56:03] The difficulty 'rationalising' those intrusive thoughts.
[56:28] The potential to be depressed after the birth of a child exists in everyone.
[57:29] So many people go through this experience - it...
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This week I'm joined by the wonderful Christine Cunningham of Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario. Despite sailing through motherhood with her first two children, Christine went on to suffer postnatal depression and anxiety with the birth of her third. In this mega-episode, Christine talks about the shock diagnosis of finding out she had ADHD at the age of 40, when seeking a diagnosis for her son. Christine talks so eloquently about the huge impact this has had on her life and on her role as a mother. A must listen for anyone affected by ADHD.
*TRIGGER WARNING: Postnatal Depression, Anxiety, ADHD*
ï»żIN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:44] Introducing Christine (including her podcast, 'Perinatal Wellbeing').
[02:44] Life before having children - looking back and realising that anxiety was already present in her life.
[03:41] Her oldest son's diagnosis of ADHD and the link back to her.
[04:19] Feeling 'chilled' during pregnancy, labour and delivery and the link between lower levels of oestrogen and ADHD.
[06:00] Having to coach the terrified resident doctor from ER during her first labour!
[07:52] Not doubting herself with her first two sons, but suffering from intense anxiety and guilt with her third.
[10:06] Experiencing the 'baby blues' with her first and how that differed from the postnatal depression she suffered with her third son
[12:15] The expectation that you 'know what to do' by the third pregnancy / struggles with breastfeeding.
[13:05] "I couldn't get my shit together" - developing a fear of leaving the house or being alone with her 3 kids.
[14:40] How this anxiety impacted on her relationship with her older children.
[15:17] Realising straight away that something felt 'off'. Excessive crying, excessive guilt and not being able to make a decision.
[19:16] The fear of going back 'to that place'.
[21:00] Feelings of grief about the experience we lost in early motherhood.
[23:35] Recovery isn't linear - the fear of 'slipping back'.
[24:51] The hell of PND/PPD and the feeling of clarity and gratitude Christine felt when she started to recover.
[27:16] The role of medication and hormones. Introducing the 'Fanny Club'!
[30:24] Davina - fitness videos and the menopause.
[31:24] The impact of hormones on symptoms of ADHD.
[32:04] Getting a diagnosis for her son.
[33:35] Biological males and biological females present differently with ADHD. The misconceptions and stereotypes of ADHD 'behaviour'.
[34:52] Looking back - how the diagnosis helped her make sense of her past, the feeling that she was always 'missing the mark'.
[36:34] ADHD does not mean you're not intelligent! The benefits of a neurodivergent mind.
[38:54] The lack of support for adults with ADHD.
[39:48] The link between ADHD and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder).
[40:46] Christine's initial bias against ADHD medication. The lack of support available when you don't take medication.
[43:02] How an anxiety programme helped with her son's feelings of anger and frustration.
[44:19] Vikki's brother's friend given Ritalin in the 1980s. Christine's concerns over medication.
[45:55] Christine's discovery that unmedicated ADHD is what can lead to addiction - not the medication itself.
[46:52] The stress of homeschooling during the Covid pandemic.
[49:15] The role of executive functioning and how it is impaired by ADHD.
[50:19] Finding the right medication - 'it's been lifechanging'.
[54:27] Mark Williams' late diagnosis of ADHD (see the 'Daddy Blues' episodes). The importance of validation.
[57:37] The intersection of ADHD and postpartum depression. The role of hormones.
[01:00:21] The 'fight or flight' panic of PND and postnatal anxiety. The role of the prefrontal cortex and impaired executive...
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Season 2 launches with a Q&A with Liz Wise, specialist PND Counsellor and founder of the Cedar House Support Group.
I put your most asked questions to Liz in this special episode, from "How do I know it's PND?" to "How long will recovery take?"
Demystifying the illness and dispelling the myths, this episode is 'all you wanted to know about PND but were too afraid to ask'.
*TRIGGER WARNING: POSTNATAL DEPRESSION*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] BMDs intro
[00:17] Introduction to Liz Wise
[02:25] "How do I know it's PND?"
[03:31] "How does it differ from the Baby Blues?"
[04:10] "Will my baby be taken away from me?"
[05:16] "How common is PND?"
[07:05] "What are the risk factors for developing perinatal illness?"
[11:03] "Is postnatal depression like other forms of depression?"
[11:35] "How many years need to go by before it's no longer PND?"
[15:00] "Is it important to seek help?"
[16:40] "What about antidepressants?"
[20:41] "What support is available?"
[24:09] "What percentage of men suffer from it?"
[25:15] "What are the triggers of PND?"
[28:02] "How does PND affect your bond with your baby?"
[29:40] "Are there any positives to having PND?"
[30:53] "How long does it take to recover from PND?"
[33:20] "What percentage of women make a recovery?"
[33:31] "Is it possible for PND to come back, but only experience it with your first child?"
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
The 'Baby Blues' affects about 1 in 2 women and typically occurs between days 3 and 7 following the birth. It's a chemical change when the breastmilk comes in and the symptoms usually subside by day 14. If these feelings get worse or aren't going away, please speak to your GP to get support.Your baby will not be taken away from you if you open up about how you are feeling - that's a myth.Research shows that around 20% of women (1 in 5) are affected by PND and other perinatal mental health issues, but many more suffer in silence.1 in 10 fathers are officially affected by postnatal depression - there are likely to be many more who don't talk about it.Risk factors can include: a previous history of depression, IVF and fertility treatment, women who have lost their mother pre-puberty (or have a distant or dysfunctional relationship with them), births of multiples and the lack of a supportive relationship. Many women Liz has seen have had an unresolved issue or trauma from the past. Members of the LGBTQ+ community can have increased susceptibility, due to the lack of support around them.PND shares many symptoms with generalised depression and is defined as "a depressive episode after childbirth".PND is typically a temporary episode that you completely recover from, with the right support. If it's not dealt with, it can continue, so the sooner you seek support the better. It's never too late to seek support for having PND or birth-related trauma from the past.Reaching out for help is a strength, not a weakness. There is no shame in it and it's hugely important to get support as early as possible.In Liz's 30 years of helping women with PND, she's found antidepressants really helpful with recovery. There are lots of different types of medication you can try - it's a myth they will change your personality, but they should make you feel like your old self again. Support options can include counselling, therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, medication, homeopathy, accupuncture and peer support groups, like Cedar House. It can be a great comfort to be amongst others suffering and realise you are not alone.The majority of women with PND and postnatal anxiety have 'hooks' over issues like breastfeeding, bonding, lack of sleep,... -
I chat to perinatal mental health blogger, peer supporter and charity campaigner Eve Canavan, BEM in this Blue MumDays special for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. Eve is a founding member of the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership and the lead co-ordinator for MMHAW - now in its 6th year and a global success. In this fantastic and super honest chat, Eve tells me about her lived experience of postpartum psychosis, 12 years ago after the birth of her son.
(In Part 2, she discusses the birth of MMHAW and how she collaborated with EastEnders to deliver Stacey's PPP storyline.)
*TRIGGER WARNING: POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS, brief mention of MISCARRIAGE*
ï»ż
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:40] Introduction to Eve Canavan.
[05:31] Life before motherhood.
[10:20] Why it's important for women to own their own experiences.
[13:00] Suffering incontinence after giving birth.
[14:07] Bleeding after birth - 'lochia'.
[17:51] Speaking out about perinatal illness - sharing your story.
[25:11] Eve's birth experience.
[27:10] The first signs that things weren't right.
[32:24] Leaving hospital - early signs of postpartum psychosis.
[34:41] Realising she was frightened of her baby - feeling trapped.
[37:15] Escalating psychosis.
[40:07] Being fobbed off
[43:11] Finally seeing a psychiatrist - being admitted to a Mother & Baby Unit.
[45:15] Given medication to help and exposure therapy.
[50:25] Getting better - Home-Start, complex PTSD and EMDR therapy.
[51:15] Wanting to tell her story - choosing what to share.
[54:31] The difference between the baby blues, PND and postpartum psychosis.
[57:03] Postpartum psychosis is a psychiatric emergency.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Peer support can be a tremendous help - just knowing you are not alone and getting some hope of recovery. Try and find support groups in your local area (Facebook is normally helpful for this).Information on double wombs can be found on this link.You can read Eve's blog here.Perinatal Mental Health PartnershipAction on Postpartum Psychosis.Don't be afraid to tell your GP or health visitor about how you're really thinking or feeling - it may feel frightening, but it's really crucial for getting the support you need.Home-Start - local support for families.EastEnders: Stacey's storylineMind - the mental health charity's information on postpartum psychosisIf you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it â which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
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I chat to perinatal mental health blogger, peer supporter and charity campaigner Eve Canavan, BEM in this Blue MumDays special for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. Eve is a founding member of the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership and the lead co-ordinator for MMHAW - now in its 6th year and a global success.
In this follow up to her story (Episode 19), Eve tells me about the birth of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week and her very special collaboration with EastEnders and Mind, to inform Stacey's Postpartum Psychosis storyline.
(In Part 1, Eve talks very frankly about her lived experience of Postpartum Psychosis, 12 years ago after the birth of her son.)
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTHING INJURIES, BIRTH TRAUMA & POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS*
Apologies for the sound quality on this episode - at times my microphone had interference, which I didn't realise at the time. I hope this doesn't spoil what was a fantastic conversation.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:31] Introduction to Eve Canavan.
[02:26] The Perinatal Mental Health Partnership - setting up Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.
[07:53] This year's special MMHAW sessions include Postpartum Rage, Birth Injuries, Birth Trauma, Your Body Post Birth, Mum & Baby Yoga and Dad's With PTSD.
[14:26] Pelvic floor health - and the need to open up about birth injuries and incontinence.
[18:10] Where to find these special MMHAW resources.
[19:25] This year's theme: 'The Power of Connection' - the importance of peer support.
[20:07] The key fear against speaking out: "I don't want my baby to taken off me".
[21:23] Gender disappointment.
[27:32] Eve's involvement with the BBC's soap opera EastEnders, informing the character Stacey's storyline of Postpartum Psychosis.
[33:34] Advice for anyone concerned about Postpartum Psychosis - it's a psychiatric emergency.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
You can read Eve's blog here.Perinatal Mental Health Partnership website.Perinatal Mental Health Partnership FACEBOOKPMHP INSTAGRAMPMPH TWITTERDr. Caroline BoydFit Fanny Adams - pelvic floor expert.Dr Lindsay McMillan - expert on gender disappointment.Action on Postpartum Psychosis.EastEnders: Stacey's storyline with PPPMind - the mental health charityPostpartum Psychosis is a... -
Dr Andrew Mayers joins me for the final episode of Season 1. He's an academic psychologist specialising in - and campaigning for - better maternal and paternal mental health. We discuss MBUs, bonding issues suffered by some parents with perinatal illness, mum guilt, postpartum psychosis and the impact sleep deprivation has on mental health issues. We also cover the mental health of fathers and inequalities suffered by black and ethnic minority mums and LGBTQ+ parents within the perinatal health system.
*TRIGGER WARNING: BONDING ISSUES/BIRTH TRAUMA/POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:27] Introduction to Dr Andrew Mayers and his work.
[05:14] Mother & Baby Units - what they do.
[07:54] The '1001 Critical Days' of a child's development - from pregnancy till age 2.
[11:57] Bonding issues - not the mum's fault.
[16:14] What perinatal illnesses do to the parent.
[17:45] The supposed 'rush of love'/baby blues - the role of hormones after birth.
[19:20] The difference between 'normal' depression and postnatal depression.
[20:55] The role of grief or loss within PND. Traumatic births.
[23:24] Managing expectations vs. reality during pregnancy.
[25:15] Postpartum Psychosis.
[28:23] Maternal OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
[30:23] Advice for families and friends - how they can help.
[34:49] The massive link between sleep deprivation and mental health.
[36:15] Advice for parents who are sleep deprived.
[37:39] Fathers can get postnatal depression too.
[43:23] Looking ahead - what Andy wants to see happen.
[45:48] Different types of family - we need to be more inclusive for same sex and trans parents.
[48:05] Inequalities experienced by black and ethnic minority parents within the perinatal health system.
[50:14] Advice for anyone worried about a loved one or suffering themselves and worried about seeking help.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
andrewmayers.uk - further information on Andy and his work. '1001 Critical Days' report - The first 1001 days include pregnancy and the first two years of a child's life. There is clear, compelling evidence that this is a significant and influential phase in development. This is an age of opportunity. What happens during this period lays the foundation for every childâs future health, wellbeing, learning and earnings potential. It sets the groundwork for childrenâs developing emotional wellbeing, resilience and adaptability; the competencies they need to thrive. DorPiP - Support for families in Dorset. Andy is a trustee.Blue MumDays Ep 1: Liz Wise (bonding) - a reassuring listen for any parents who struggle to bond with their baby. We chat to both Liz and her adult daughter Emma, who Liz struggled to bond with when she was a baby.When Birth Leads To Trauma - Episode dedicated to understanding Birth Trauma with Dr. Rebecca Moore.Action on Postpartum Psychosis - Action on Postpartum Psychosis is the national charity for women and families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP). -
Dr Rebecca Moore joins me for a Blue MumDays special discussing birth trauma. Rebecca is a perinatal psychiatrist, mother and co-founder of 'Make Birth Better', a collective of experts who offer support and training and campaign for better understanding of birth trauma and vicarious trauma.
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:29] Introduction to Dr Rebecca Moore.
[04:37] Definition of birth trauma.
[10:17] The inequality of care and discrimination faced by black and ethnic minority mums - this needs to change.
[12:49] The importance of validation and advocacy during your birth.
[17:54] Partners can be affected by birth trauma too.
[18:20] Birth debriefs - first port of call after trauma.
[21:30] Sources of support - including PANDAs, AIMS and Make Birth Better.
[25:43] Doulas (see Episode 16 with Doula AJ Silver).
[26:09] Rebecca's own birth experiences - feeling alone in her first labour.
[32:03] Parents considering another pregnancy after a traumatic birth.
[36:27] You should have choices in the positions you birth in.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Trauma is a completely unique, subjective experience. Birth trauma is your experience of your birth, irrespective of whether you or your baby were in actual danger. Birth trauma is largely about interpersonal factors - being left alone, dismissed, being subjected to racism, lack of consent or lack of compassion.Birth by nature is unpredictable. Try and have conversations beforehand about the support you may need during birth, but trust your instincts and accept that things may change during the course of the birth.FiveXMore is a grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing peopleâs maternal health outcomes in the UK. Also Motivational Mums Club and The Motherhood Group.Christina Brown's episode on the experience of black mums'Daddy Blues' episode: Mark Williams pt 1 / 'Daddy Blues' episode: Mark Williams pt 2Elliott Rae's episode on vicarious birth traumaThe Doula Episode with AJ Silver.AIMS for better birthing.Make Birth Better - Rebecca's organisation for supporting parents and healthcare professionals suffering from birth trauma or vicarious trauma.City Birth Trauma ScaleIf you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it â which means helping more parents in...
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The delightful AJ Silver joins me this week for an entertaining and very moving chat about their traumatic first birth experience, which led them to go on to train and work as a Doula. We discuss everything from the difficulties faced by same sex couples within the perinatal system, to the warmth of our pets tummies and killer flapjacks!
*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:35] Introduction to AJ Silver of Queer Birth Club.
[05:44] What a Doula actually does.
[08:55] The important of advocacy for parents.
[10:07] The birth outcomes of people using a Doula.
[11:16] How doulas are generally regarded by the medical profession.
[13:46] AJ's own experience of giving birth.
[14:43] Their first birth - lots of intervention and feeling like a passenger.
[16:20] Deciding to become a Doula following a much happier second birth.
[19:07] Judgement - for being gay and being fat. BMI being used as a cut off for gallstone treatment.
[23:55] The difficulties faced by same sex couples in the perinatal system.
[33:54] How many in the LGBT+ community are at increased risk of experiencing negative perinatal health outcomes or difficulties, especially Trans or non-binary parents.
[37:18] Lesbian couples registering births is increasing year on year by 15-20%, over the last 10 years.
[38:56] Across the world, more and more people are coming out every year. Nearly half of 18-24 year olds in 2015 didn't consider themselves to be entirely heterosexual.
[47:00] AJ's early days with their first daughter - "I felt like my body didn't work". Chest-feeding difficulties.
[50:03] How the Doula training helped AJ come to terms with what happened with their first birth.
[55:19] AJ's guide to killer porridge and flapjacks with grated apple!
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Doulas support in pregnancy, birth and in the postnatal period by providing information, advocacy, and offering practical and emotional support to the whole family.Doula UKSame sex couples often face discrimination within the medical system, especially in terms of IVF and fertility.LGBT MummiesThere are barriers faced by non-gestational mums in terms of accessing parental services.The Queer Birth Club - how to get hold of AJ.If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it â which means helping more parents in need.
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Email: [email protected]
NEXT WEEKâS EPISODE:
In Episode 17, Dr Rebecca Moore joins me for a Blue MumDays special discussing birth trauma. Rebecca is a perinatal psychiatrist, mother and co-founder of 'Make Birth Better', a collective of experts who offer support, training and campaign around birth trauma and vicarious trauma. One not to miss.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that itâs okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY...
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MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL: My mum is a warrior - she has not had an easy life. From an early career as an Astronomer Royal's Personal Computer at Herstmonceux, mum had to give this up to follow my dad's job. After multiple miscarriages she experienced pre-eclampsia, a traumatic birth and PTSD with my brother Graham. His disability wasn't properly diagnosed until he was 37.
I came along 2 and a half years later and mum suffered postnatal depression for the second time - an illness that received no support or understanding back then. The family moved to rural Scotland when I was 4, where she nursed me throughout my childhood with life-threatening asthma and a rare blood disorder. She also nursed my brother through teenage lymph cancer and my dad through multiple heart attacks.
Mum was prescribed arsenic by her family GP as a child, which left her with life-long skin cancer - she's had over 60 surgeries and counting. She survived breast cancer in her '50s and developed end stage kidney failure in her '70s. Despite chronic pain and poor health, Nina is still remarkably strong, very kind and extremely loving. It's an honour to call her my mum.
This conversation, recorded a few months ago, was the first time we really talked about her own experience of PND. She's a very private person, so I am endlessly grateful for her going back to revisit those dark times in the hopes of helping others.
Since this was recorded, my brother has had a very serious heart attack. Thanks to the quick actions of both my mum and the ambulance service, he survived and is now recovering well. I'd like to dedicate this episode to him.
*TRIGGER WARNING: MISCARRIAGE, BIRTH TRAUMA AND A BRIEF MENTION OF STILLBIRTH*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:15] Introduction to Nina Spilsted - my lovely mum!
[03:17] The lack of knowledge and support for PND in the 1960s and 70s.
[03:42] 3 miscarriages and then pregnant with Graham. Enforced rest and a very clinical approach, unsmiling approach in hospital. Pre-eclampsia and bed rest.
[04:40] Induced then a 27 hour labour. Feelings of trauma.
[05:33] No support for her multiple baby losses - expectation to 'carry on as normal'. Feelings of failure - "why can't I have a baby?"
[07:24] Bed rest and monitoring of the baby. Ignorance about birth and babies. Lack of family support and no baby groups.
[08:37] Sent to a cottage hospital after the birth, for recuperation. Lack of information on discharge - "I didn't know what a health visitor was". Lack of support from her own mum - "nothing was ever discussed".
[10:04] Graham's birth - trauma. Feelings of fear and loneliness.
[11:39] Difficulty bonding with him at first.
[12:59] Total exhaustion and overwhelm. Lack of the 'euphoric' moment when Graham arrived.
[14:39] Going home with her baby - struggles. Lack of support from her mother and husband.
[15:59] Difficulty breastfeeding - feelings of guilt and failure.
[18:57] The need to be kind to yourself as a mother.
[20:10] Realising she needed help. Sheer exhaustion - holding down a job as well as being a new mum.
[21:42] Medicated by the doctor - not being able to remember much of that period. No knowledge of postnatal depression.
[24:26] Suspicions that Graham may not be developing as he should be.
[27:59] Another baby loss then pregnant with me. Flashbacks from Graham's traumatic birth caused great anxiety.
[30:37] PND, great anxiety and the grief of losing another baby in between.
[33:07] Pre-eclampsia for the second time and mum's experience of my birth.
[37:32] Retreating into herself - feelings of agrophobia.
[39:31] Finding a 'bonus for the day'. Gradual recovery.
[41:05]...
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