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A lot goes into a thriving marriage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer uses the research of Dr. John Gottman to place his finger on the components of a marriage that not only lasts, but flourishes.
View the Sound Relationship House Model here
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What is normal? In a world of air brushing and curated content, it can be illusive. Yet, having a good compass toward knowing normal goes a long way toward good mental health. Studies have shown that supernormal stimuli can have a damaging effect on our brains. In this episode of Breaking Bread, addiction specialist, Jacob Feucht, teaches us what supernormal stimuli are, how to spot them and unwind their influence.
Show Notes:
Definition:
Supernormal Stimulus â Exaggerated characteristics in normal stimuli.
Problem:
Studies have shown that humans can begin to crave what is not natural or real at the expense of what is natural and real.
Examples:
Diet: We can crave unnatural foods at the expense of natural foods.
Attention: We can crave unnatural rapidity of stimuli and addict ourselves to distraction because we resist the âslownessâ of reality.
Pornography: We crave sexual stimuli and addict ourselves to unnatural characteristics at the expense of healthy biblical sexual relations.
Healthy living:
Seek after, linger in and live in the real world. Learn to love what God created and what He created them for.
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Fehlende Folgen?
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Bullying is as old as the hills. Yet it has gained more thoughtful attention in recent days. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling, a middle school counselor, provides much needed insights into this broken relational posturing between people.
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Conflict does not spell doom in the marriage relationship. However, how we do conflict might. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares four behaviors that need to be avoided when âworking things outâ with your spouse. Kaleb explains what they are and how they can be avoided.
Show notes:
Four negative behaviors that spell trouble for marriages and how they can be avoided.
Criticism
Criticism often starts with âYou.â âYou always...â or âYou never...â These statements are personal, labeling and strike at the identity of the other.
To avoid criticism, try using âIâ statements. These look inward and communicate your reality and surface the need at hand. âI am disappointed that ...â
Defensiveness
Defensiveness often is provoked by criticism and leads to criticism. It denies and shrugs off the need underlying criticism.
To avoid defensiveness, accept the reality of the other. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict.
Contempt
Contempt is disdain for the other. An inner dialogue that is continually negative. It can grow out of unrelenting criticism over time.
To avoid contempt, friendship needs to be nurtured and grown.
Stonewalling
Stonewalling occurs when the nervous system is so heightened reasoning goes âoffline.â Individuals experience a âfloodingâ of the senses in a way that shuts them down.
To avoid stonewalling, take 20 minutes of body and mental calming.
Note: These negative behaviors have been highlighted from the research work of Dr. John Gottman.
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Both the secular and the religious tout mindfulness and meditation. Itâs no wonder, because they promise a great deal of health to the one who practices them. Does mindfulness and mediation, however, look the same across the secular and religious worldviews? To answer this question, Kaleb Beyer and Isaac Funk speak to both the therapeutic and Christian uses of these practices.
Show Notes:
Mindfulness â attentive to the present moment.
Meditation â focused attention.
Therapeutically these practices help a person have cognitive flexibility. The freedom to allow more into their experience than the one painful script that is running. In this way, mindfulness and meditation help a person uncouple themselves from mental distress in such a way that allows for a felt reality that is informed by accuracy and truth.
Spiritually, in a Christian sense, this uncoupling allows for a recoupling with God. The goal is not a disembodied state nor an abandonment of self. It is not an emptying but a filling. Not defined by absence but by presence. It allows for a life to be lived with God in the body and in the mind.
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Sadness is a universal emotion that touches every life. Life's challenges often bring moments of deep sorrow. As Christians, how can we navigate these feelings while staying anchored in God's promises? Whether you're in the midst of sadness or supporting a loved one through their struggles, this episode offers encouragement as you seek to find God's light in the midst of dark days.
Sadness is an uncomfortable emotion that alerts us of a loss.
Sadness is an important emotion that prompts us to grieve.
Grief is the process we walk through to make peace with our loss.
Grief is unique to the individual but has a few common elements.
Protest â fighting with the loss.
Despair â mourning the loss.
Grief ends with acceptance of the loss.
Healthy living includes walking forward with both the loss and the sadness. Alowing these to be a lifegiving present feature in your life.
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Children love to grow. They know it is slow. They know it is for the better. Adults sometimes lose the growth mindset that children have. We forget that growth is for us too. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller reinvigorate the growth mindset for the spiritual life.
Spiritual Growth â Becoming more like Jesus. Growth Mindset â Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve. Spiritual Growth Mindset â Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve into more Christlikeness. -
Words said, cannot be unsaid. They remain. When these words come from a place of goodness, this has beautiful consequences. However, when they come from a place of malintent, they can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig and Jacki Stickling take up the topic of gossip and give us timely warning and instruction.
Show notes:
Bridling the tongue is a learned skill. It is a matter of deep transformation in our hearts. The mature believer learns how to THINK before they speak:
T â speaking Truth.
H â using words that are Helpful.
I â using speech to Inspire.
N â saying those things that are Necessary.
K â always being Kind.
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The truth was too shameful, and the feelings were too painful. So, Mark and Marti locked up their teenage secret in a box never to be opened. But as Christ so lovingly does, he has been gently opening the box and letting his light in. The effect has been beauty and healing in the most unlikely place. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Mark and Marti Teubel share their post-abortion story.
Show notes:
Post-abortive care includes caring for the living victims of abortion â Mom and Dad.
Many moms and dads carry the wounds of loss, regret and shame for decades after their abortion.
The unique pain that moms and dads carry is the hindered ability to grieve loss and heartache in their families. They erroneously tell themselves, âI canât grieve this loss because I caused that loss.â Or âThis pain is retribution for my actions.â
Abortion influences how moms and dads parent. They desperately want to prove that they are âgoodâ parents.
Good post-abortive care is available. Deeper Still is one such resource.
Deeper Still | find freedom from your abortion wounded heart
Learn more about the Haven Retreat mentioned in the podcast at the link below.
Home | HAVEN Retreats
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When Jesus stooped to embrace the children, it was quite shocking to his disciples. That Jesus would give his precious time to this subgroup was quite remarkable. And then he said the unthinkable... âyou must become as these.â By this statement, Jesus was saying that we should not only stop and acknowledge the children, but moreover, look up to them! Esteem them as God image-bearers that have a lot to teach us adults. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov and Brian Sutter teach us what these little ones can teach us.
Show notes:
Children have a lot to teach us.
Where adults can become ridged, children remain flexible - teaching us to âlet go.â
Where adults can become high maintenance, children remain bless-able - teaching us how to receive blessings.
Where adults can be pretentious, children remain genuine - teaching us how to live honestly in the world.
Where adults emphasize usefulness, children emphasize enjoyment - teaching us how to live joyfully.
Where adults have an eye toward âdoingâ, children have an eye toward âbeingâ - teaching us how we should view ourselves.
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Play lies at the center of life for a child, and it should. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov, a speech language pathologist, along with Brian Sutter, shine light on this important aspect of human growth and development. Additionally, parents should encourage, teach, evaluate and share in the enjoyment of play with our children.
Show notes:
Encourage Play:
Play is critical in the development of language, thought and human relations.
Teach Play:
The norms and technology of the day have stunted play. Some children need to be taught how to play.
Evaluate Play:
Not all play is equal. Many toys and forms of amusement today are adult directed play. Child directed play, on the other hand, provides rich areas of growth and potential.
Utilize Play:
Playing with your child gives you insights into where they are developmentally and provides an opportunity to model healthy reasoning.
Share in the enjoyment of play:
Shared enjoyment is key. If play is anything at all, it is fun. Parents are encouraged to connect with their children at the level of shared fun.
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Exploration is a prerequisite to having a settled identity. For parents with kids unsettled and exploring, this can be a frightening time. What role do we play in the exploration process? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter will help us sort it out.
Show notes:
Identity:
Is the sense of self â Who I am and who I am not.
Identity Formation:
Starts with exploration and ends with commitment.
Exploration is trying, investigating, experiencing, researching.
Commitment is being settled, resolved and grounded.
Identity Culture in âthe westâ:
It is constructed individually. This means that the community has a limited influence on placing an identity on an individual. Rather, the individual has the ownness of discovering and embracing their identity.
Challenge:
Our young people are saddled with the task of sorting out their identity for themselves.
Angst:
Watching young people explore their identity.
Opportunity:
Support and guide exploration in community.
As possible, try not to rigidly force closure on those in the exploration phase. Rather, have dialogue that prompts healthy exploration. Thoughtful open-ended questions, and critical thinking prompts are necessary to guide wise investigation.
Have patience in the process with a goal to maintain relationship.
Fear:
Suppose an unwise identity is chosen?
Remember: Where there is life, there is experience. Where there is experience, there is exploration. Where there is exploration, there is hope yet for a good commitment.
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We all know that the body is made up of different members. Members one of another. The hand needs the foot. The eye needs the ear. But even more profound than these examples is the uncommon humility that my non-dominate left hand has with my dominate right. Similar in frame and made to do everything the right hand can⊠it performs well, but not as well. Yet it serves my body selflessly and without dissention. In this podcast we will listen and learn from our non-dominate hands a lesson on cooperation and being a member one of another.
An Imagined Interview with my Left Hand:
Me: When did you learn that I was going to be what they call âright-handed?â
Left-hand: I learned this early. I noticed you were using the right hand to lead and do the more sensitive tasks.Me: Do you compare yourself with the right?
Left-hand: I donât. My right hand does his job so well, and Iâm glad. I do my job well.Me: What do you understand your job to be?
Left-hand: My job is to be a good left-hand complement to the right-hand.Me: How do you understand your relationship to be with the right-hand?
Left-hand: I donât see myself separate from my right-hand. We are of the same body. Everything we do separately or together comes from you and is for you. You get the credit for anything we do, and you should.Me: Do you get jealous of the right hand?
Left-hand: No, not at all. I know you are pleased with me and thatâs all that matters. -
The Christian life has music interwoven into its fabric. We use it to worship God. We are instructed to sing. It should not be surprising then to learn that music has the potential to benefit the mind and emotion. In this episode, music therapist Nick Lanz gives us tips on how to use music therapeutically.
Show notes:
Music Therapy: The clinical & evidence-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional who has completed an approved music therapy program.
What do music therapists do?â
Assess emotional well-being, physical health, socialâŻfunctioning, communication abilities, and cognitive skillsâŻthrough musical responses.
Design music sessions for individuals and groups based onâŻclient needs using various musical interventions.
Participate in interdisciplinary treatment planning, ongoingâŻevaluation, and follow up.â
Music therapy interventions for mental health can address a variety of healthcare & educational goals:
Develop healthy coping skills
Identify/express/explore emotions
Process trauma
Improve depressive symptoms
Decrease anxiety/agitation
Promote relaxation
Promote positive thinking/self-esteem
Develop sense of belonging/community
Promote positive social interaction/group cohesion
Address loneliness, grief, loss and stigma that persist despite treatment
Develop independence/decision-making skills
Manage stress
Promote wellness
âMusic therapists use music to accomplish non-musical goals.â
There are four main approaches:
Receptive
Music listening
Song discussion/lyric analysis
Music-assisted relaxation/progressive muscle relaxation
Can also include music for sleep
Movement & music
Bonny Method of Guided Imagery & Music (requires post-graduate training)
Re-creative
Instrument instruction
Instrument playing
Sing-along
Recording sessions
Compositional
Therapeutic songwriting (multiple methods)
Improvisational
Instrumental/vocal improvisation
Drum circle/instrumental circle (groups)
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The question before every human being is not if they have pain, but rather, what they do with the pain that they have. Some people make peace with their pain. Unfortunately, many do not. In this Breaking Bread two-part series, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer help us understand what making peace with pain means, why it is important and how to do it.
Show notes:
What does making peace with pain mean?
Answer: Making peace with pain happens when we change our relationship with pain. Instead of orbiting the pain, we are freed from the unhealthy attachment we have with it. While pain may remain, we are able to live with it as a part of our story but it does not govern our identity. Pain has its proper effect on our lives - not too much, yet not ignored.
Why is making peace with pain important?
Answer: Pain unattended has a tendency to generate unhealthy attachments in our lives. We orbit closely to the pain. Some will try to soothe the pain by unhealthy means. Others will over identify with the pain. Still others will expend tremendous energies to change circumstances to make the pain go away. As a result, we become less responsive to our present lives because pain management requires so much attention. We donât live well now.
How do we know if there is pain in our lives for which peace needs to be made?
Answer: If we have a past relationship with our pain and not a present relationship we may need to make peace with pain. This can be seen in our response to present circumstances. For example, if we react to present circumstances inappropriately, our past pain may be speaking.
How do we make peace with pain?
Answer: We make peace with pain by first understanding that God is present with us in our pain. We are not alone. Alowing yourself to sit with God in your pain is a healthy exercise. Next, acceptance will need to be practiced. Acceptance is letting go of circumstances that are not and will not be. It includes a trust that God loves you, is good and sees a wider expanse. For some pain, forgiveness will need to be extended to the offending parties.
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The question before every human being is not if they have pain, but rather, what they do with the pain that they have. Some people make peace with their pain. Unfortunately, many do not. In this Breaking Bread two-part series, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer help us understand what making peace with pain means, why it is important and how to do it.
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One of the pains of parenting is watching your children make poor choices. What should we do when there is not much we can do? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling speak to the doâs and donâts of parenting through these challenges.
Show Notes:
So your child made the wrong decision. Remember this Mom and Dad:
Hang in there with them.
Protect your relationship with them.
Have a posture of grace with them.
Be learners together.
Allow natural consequences to teach.
Help them learn from their decisions.
Speak truth in love.
Donât over personalize their decision.
Lean on the larger community to speak truth into their life.
Give it time.
Trust in prayer.
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Spiritual disciplines are ancient. Yet they are growing in popularity with our contemporary Christian culture. What are common cautions that should accompany our wise application of spiritual disciplines? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand four cautions: legalism, agency, syncretism and mysticism.
Show Notes:Spiritual disciplines are those practices we habitually do in the body that form us into Christlikeness. Reading the Word, silence, solitude, fasting, tithing, fellowship are just a few of many. Many spiritual disciplines are classic. Practices employed by Christ and faithful believers for thousands of years.
Understanding the âshadowâ of a thing is important for wise and healthy use. We want to have this circumspect understanding of spiritual disciplines. Without it, we can fall into ditches that are unhelpful. Consider four trappings to be thoughtful about.
Legalism: Legalism is an unhealthy relationship with performance. At its worst, dependence on performance erroneously replaces faith in Christ. We need to remember the following⊠Spiritual disciplines are not our morality. Spiritual disciplines are not our performance. Spiritual disciplines are not our forgiveness. Spiritual disciplines do not secure merit with God. Agency: When employing spiritual disciplines, we can become confused with who is at the source of the effort. Is it us? Is it God? We need to remember the following: We do not control our spiritual growth; rather we make ourselves available to God through the practices to be formed by him. God is the first source behind any practice. Syncretism: Syncretism is the blending or merging of different religious beliefs and practices. Many different religious faiths, as well as atheism, share bodily practices that on the outside look the same. We need to remember the following: Many bodily disciplines will benefit human beings regardless of walk of life or religious beliefs. However, these are not uniquely Christian unless we are employing them to grow in Christ likeness. Mysticism: By mysticism, we mean experiencing God in ways that transcend ordinary sensory perception and intellectual understanding. If applied unhealthily, the believer can develop errant ideas about God that are steeped in individual experience. We need to remember the following: Our discipleship experience with God should never contradict the Bible. Be accountable to the larger Christian community. Include other people in your discipleship journey with Christ. -
This episode of Breaking Bread, Fred Witzig and Erica Steffen give us a history lesson. Not a history lesson about our past. But a lesson about how to capture our past into history. Oral history is the means for getting this done. Fred and Erica will both explain how to carry out this collection of history as well as cast a vision for our participation in a larger Elder Teaching Resource effort.
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Hope exists. Depression is not a life sentence. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Ted Witzig Jr. chart the course for walking through depression to the other side.
Show notes:
There are different kinds of depression. Treatments can vary. However, the path through depression typically has three benchmarks. The first is changing behavior. The second is a shift in thinking. The third is an improved mood.
1. Behavior activation:
· Physical activity: moving the body.
· Social interaction: engaging with people.
· Meaningful activities: engage in small, doable things in a consistent manner to develop a sense of competency.
2. Engage thinking through counseling:
· Challenge negative self-talk through healthy truth based in Scripture.
· Medicine (in some cases) can be beneficial in helping the mind think well and engage the therapeutic treatment.
3. Positive mood shifts follow improved thinking.
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