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http://www.FAILocracy.com When America needs a new great communicator in the white house, America needs Rick Santorum. His eloquence on racial issues is unrivaled. In defending the definition of marriage against homosexuality, he’s the master of metaphor, ; He words channel the founding fathers. His mastery of language even extends to languages most linguists believe to not even exist.
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New York GOP representative Christopher Lee has resigned in a statement read on the House floor after a shirtless photo of him soliciting a woman he met on Craigslist surfaced Wednesday Gawker has outed married Conservative New York congressman Christopher Lee for soliciting a woman on craigslist and sending a shirtless photo to her, ;which you can see here- WOAH!! Lucky for him they lifted the DC gun ban! Lee replied to the woman's craigslist posting on which she inquired as to whether there were any men on craigslist who didn't look like toads, but,
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Fehlende Folgen?
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There was a new development this week in the historic incident of DEA agent Lee Paige, who accidentally shot himself in the foot during a youth presentation in 2004. Paige filed a federal lawsuit against the U.S. government, complaining that the DEA leaked the video, which he states appeared on such familiar shows as the Jay Leno Show, a Curreent Affair, and Jimmy Kimbel (kimmel) Live. Paige claims that the embarrassment and publicity has ruined his career as both public speaker (like Tony Robbins) and undercover officer (like Tony Robbins with a mustache) which linguists agree is the most oxymoronic combination of terms since "gay Republicans." It must have been difficult for Paige to watch his reputation to America's youth sink from "Respected Federal Agent" to "nothing but a big fat doo-doo-head" But a judge threw out the case this week, so Paige's attempt to gain financial compensation for the embarrassment has only served to remind us of the incident so he could face more embarrassment as we note that he has once again shot himself in the foot. This has been a great moment in FAIL. Music from incompetech.com
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I was shocked, SHOCKED to hear Pat Robertson speaking reasonably about drug policy... or anything at all, for that matter.
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http://www.FAILocracy.com
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Palin tells Glenn Beck that we need to stand by our "NORTH Korean Allies."
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http://www.FAILocracy.com Joe Biden mixes up right and left hands during the swearing in of Mark Kirk.
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Since the knowledgeable Jan Brewer behacomed Arizona's governor, everything has changed."We have changed everything since I have behacome your governor."She has done everything she possibly could do, including the following.AWKWARD SILENCEUhh, let me assist you on this one, Jan. Didn't you say you balanced the budget.. ;"We have balanced the budget."Others who are apparently uninformed say that Arizona faces up to a $700 million shortfall, but how can you trust any information that comes from Arizona's Joint Legislative Budget Committee?But Jan Brewer has spoken out against the beheadings that have taken place in Arizona because of illegal immigration. These violent decapitations have gone on too far, and they must be stopped or uhhh... well, maybe... maybe nobody knows about it except her.Vote Berry Hess, I mean, uhhh, Jan Brewer, for Arizona Governor. I mean, she couldn't just be making this crap up, right?
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I'm driving a VW Passat TDI that I bought by the border from Arizona to Vegas to meet up with my brother. The day before, I met GloZell: www.youtube.com/user/glozell1
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"It's a free country. I wish it weren't, but it's a free country." - Deval Patrick, governor of MassachusettsHe probably meant that he wished Glenn Beck's rally wouldn't have been in the place/time it was. But is that what he said? No. Why do I care? Because it's funny.
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Anna Chapman and Czech politicians have posed for sexy photos, and so have I!
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http://www.FAILocracy.comhttp://www.twitter.com/FAILocracyThe Facebook event page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=149976315028568&ref=ts
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http://www.FAILocracy.comAmericans are divided on whether or not we should allow the building of the mosque at ground zero, and, of course, by, "mosque at ground zero," I mean, "building that is not a mosque and is also not at ground zero." (It's actually an Islamic community center two blocks away from Ground Zero, and if I can get fired for including work as an artist on South Park on my resume when I really only worked as a graphic designer at a sign company on South Park Street, which shouldn't have happened because I wasn't even technically lying, then there's no way I should get away with calling this a mosque at ground zero.) But here are the details:Now, first, the space was designated with the name, "Cordoba House," which its organizers claim was invokes 8-11th century Cordoba, where Muslims, Christians, and Jews are said to have co-existed peacefully. But critics say the name is in honor of the Muslim conquest over the Christian city in Spain. But the stubborn organizers wouldn't have any of it! They gave a proverbial finger to critics and said, "We're keeping the name whether--" Oh wait, no, they changed it. Organizers changed the name of the space to Park51 to avoid association with conquest while subtly hinting that they're hiding UFOs there.But what is in a name? That which we call a Cordoba House, if by any other name, would it smell as subversive? Newt Gingrich knows what I'm smelling. He said, "It is a test to see if we have the resolve to face down an ideology that aims to destroy religious liberty in America..." Exactly! If we don't act now by taking away religious freedom in this country, then this country might lose its religious freedom.And don't try to argue equality under the law because that's not the issue here. As the constitution says, "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." Wait a minute, this isn't the constitution. This is George Orwell's ANIMAL FARM!Okay, the Bill of Rights actually says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances," which pretty much means that it would be unconstitutional to legally interfere unless it could be demonstrated conclusively that it's a terrorist group.But as New York Daily News writer S.E. Cupp points out, the argument for the constitutional right is a straw man. She wrote, "No one in serious circles who oppose the mosque at Ground Zero is suggesting it should be made illegal to build a Muslim house of worship near the site of the 9/11 attacks."Exactly. No one is actually suggesting that we actually take legal action to prevent them from building-- oh, okay, well there's that. And that. And, okay a lot of people are. ;But what about the people who recognize the legal right to build the community center, but feel they should voluntarily avoid doing it. The man heading up the project said that he wants the location near ground zero to "push back against the extremists," demonstrating the ability of peaceful Muslims to thrive in a community of mutual tolerance, a spirit opposite of that which was behind the 911 attack.Many prominent Muslims, including Akbar Ahmed and others with names that are even-more difficult to pronounce have publicly opposed the building of the mosque saying that it has the appearance of "fitna," or "mischief-making" that is forbidden by the Koran. Some peaceful Muslims worry that violent extremists would point to it as a symbol of victory despite the intent of those behind the project.For those reasons, I honestly don't know whether the project is a good idea or not. Those of you who have been following FAILocracy for a while may remember when I received death threats a few months ago for criticizing violent Muslims while displaying images of Muhamad created by Persian Muslims. (Of course, I did literally draw a target on my forehead.) The video has been removed from YouTube, not because I was afraid of radical Muslims; I knew what I was getting in to when I drew the target, but because YouTube rejected my revenue-sharing application because of it. It's okay to be a broke martyr, but if I'm going to stay alive, I've got to make some scratch.
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Dig this! http://digg.com/d31Zp0v ;http://www.FAILocracy.com
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I live 11 miles from Ben Quayle's campaign HQ. Apparently someone called the police on us when we were shooting this. A cop parked and stared at us for the last 10 minutes or so of shooting, then followed our car for a few miles after we left.Ben Quayle and Barack Obama actually do talk exactly like this.Kevin: Hi, I'm Kevin R. Breen from FAILocracy.com.Victoria: And I'm Victoria Andrews.Kevin: We're here today in front of Ben Quayle's campaign headquarters, about to do an interview with not only Ben, who is running for election in Arizona's 3rd congressional district, but also his father, former Vice President Dan Quayle.Victoria: Now they were supposed to meet us here, but I don't seem to see them anywhere...Kevin: Yeah, that is weird. Tell you what, we'll split up. You stay here in case they come by while I go look for them.Victoria: All right, sounds good.KEVIN WALKS OFF SCREENVictoria: Oh, there they are!CAMERA PANS OVER JUST SLIGHTLY, REVEALING KEVIN'S HAND IN A SOCK PUPPETVictoria: Mr. Quayle, Mr. Quayle, so glad you could make it.Ben: So glad to be here!Victoria: Now first, Ben, now that you've been caught writing explicit material and lying about it on dirtyscottsdale.com You said "my moral compass is so broken I can barely find the parking lot." A lot of people are saying that you don't really believe in the conservative Republican platform on which you're running, and that you're just a puppet for your dad. What do you say to that?Ben: Well, frankly, I think that's ridiculous!Victoria: Could we pan the camera over to get Dan in the shot with Ben?Dan (from offscreen) No! Pretend I'm not here.Ben: Sorry, my dad can't be in the shot because he run my teleprompter. Quit going off script Ben. No, don't say that part. Or this part. That's it, no ice cream. But dad! (Continues rambling)Victoria: Ben. Ben!Ben: Oh yeah, sorry. Anyways, as I was saying, my dad really has nothing to do with this campaign. I have a lot of respect for my dad, but my platform is mine alone. We aren't the same, but we complement each other. It's like he's the meat and I'm the potataueeDan: That's potato!Ben: Well then why did you put the E at the en--Dan: Shhh!Victoria: Well, your campaign commercial has a lot of people talking because you say that "Barack Obama is the worst president in history," even implying that you're going to go to Washington to "knock the hell out of it." PLAY COMMERCIAL Now first, I have got to say that your voice sounds much more masculine in person!Ben: Yeah, I was tearing up in that video because I was chopping an onion before filming.Victoria: Seriously? Your excuse is that you were chopping an onion?Ben: Yeah, I was making a potatauee salad. Just a minute.BEN POPS OFF SCREEN AND WHISPERS ARE HEARD, THEN HE COMES BACKBen: My dad can't believe you're making that joke.Victoria: Okay, so you say you're going to go against Obama and "knock the hell" out of Washington. What's you're strategy?Ben: Oh, yeah, well, Obama must be stopped, so first I need to have a chat with him. We're going to get together a team of elite Republicans like Arnold Schwarzenegger, then we're going to go in to the West Wing to overthrow the Obama, who is practically a dictator. Now, along the way, we'll probably discover a plot far-more sinister than we were led to believe when we were first hired, and innocent lives will be in the balance-Victoria: Okay, okay. Did you come up with this strategy while watching The Expendables?Ben: uhh... no! No! That's ridiculous. What, are you suggesting that a legitimate political candidate would take tactical strategy from a Sylvestor Stallone movie? Come on, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!CUT TO REAGAN QUOTE: "Boy, I saw RAMBO last night. I know what to do the next time this happens."Former US President Ronald Reagan -following the release of 39 American hostages by Lebanese terrorists in 1985Ben: Oh. Huh. Well, this is awkward.Victoria: Well, once you get close enough to knock the hell out of Obama, what will you do?Ben: Oh, easy. I'm going to look him in the eyes, and I'm going to be like, "Go ahead punk! You make my day."Victoria: It still sounds like you're getting your strategy from movies.Ben: Let me finish. I'll get all up in his grill! I'll be like, you are screwing up America! You are ruining our freaking country, and I'm going to beat the crap out of you cuz I'm freakin Ben Quayle, bitch!Victoria: Well you're in luck! You don't have to wait!Ben: What?A BLACK SOCK PUPPET WALKS ON SCREENObama: Hey Victoria, hey Ben. Whatcha talking about?Ben: Oh, uhh...Victoria: You're just in time, Obama, Ben is about to set you straight! You aren't even going to know what hit you!Ben: Oh, well, Victoria, I, uhh...Victoria: Go ahead, give it to him, Ben.Obama: Uhh... what's going on?
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Thanks for subscribing! I'm almost in the top 100 for the month in the comedy category. If you haven't subbed yet, and you http://www.FAILocracy.comhttp://www.twitter.com/FAILocracyKevin: Hi, I'm Kevin R. Breen from FAILocracy.com joined today by Victoria Andrews.Victoria: HiKevin: Now the Internet is buzzing with news about Steven Slater, the presumably-former-flight attendant who was arrested after cursing out a passenger, stealing 2 beers, and sliding down the emergency exit of a plane.Victoria: And that's just when the story STARTED to get interesting.Victoria: First of all, Steven Slater has an impressive background. According to some sources, he was a flight attendant with JetBlue for 28 years. According to his MySpace page, he's 38 years old, so that would mean he's been a flight attendant since he was 10!Kevin: Yeah, but according to the press association, he's actually 39, so it's only been since he was 11. Not that incredible.Victoria: Really? Well, JetBlue wasn't even founded until 1998, just 12 years ago! If he was really with them the entire time he was a flight attendant, he somehow managed to work for them 16 years longer than they even EXISTED!Kevin: Yeah, but according to his MySpace, he's worked for different airlines, and he took five years off recently.Victoria: Oh, okay, well, the story is still interesting because, apparently, as a plane was landing, a woman started taking her baggage out of the overhead bin before she was supposed to. Slater asked her to stop, and she end up hitting him in the head with her bag.Kevin: Right, Slater asked for an apology, and she refused, calling him a motherfucker.Victoria: Apparently he'd had it at that point, and he announced over the intercom, "To the passenger who just called me a motherf-----: f--- you. I've been in this business 28 years, and I've had it." He then grabbed 2 beers off the beverage cart, set the emergency chute, and left the plane on the emergency exit slide.Kevin: Right, a complete lack of professionalism. Police came to arrest him in connection to reckless endangerment and criminal mischief. They knocked, Slater didn't answer. So they knocked down the door, arrested him, and walked him out of the house as reporters asked him why he was smiling.Victoria: And why was he smiling? Reports say the police caught him having sex. I guess that also explains why he didn't answer. Since the story got out, the Internet has been buzzing with stories about what a hero he is to all disgruntled workers.Kevin: Yeah, but come on, there's got to be some professionalism, you know? I don't think I can respect anyone who snaps on the job like that.Kevin: Wait, what are you doing? We're not done yet.Victoria: (AS SHE SWINGS HER PURSE AROUND, ACCIDENTALLY STRIKING KEVIN) Oh, I was just getting ready to go.Kevin: Ouch! Okay, well, can I get an apology.Victoria: No, fuck you, motherfucker!Kevin: What the hell!? That's it! I'm sick of this! Fuck this job! And to the woman who called me a motherfucker, fuck you! I've been in this business for 28 years, and I've had! (WALKS OFF SCREEN, THEN WALKS BACK ON SCREEN TO GRAB 2 BEERS, THEN WALKS OFF SCREEN AND SLAMS THE DOOR.)Cameraman: Uhh, Kevin? Kevin, are you going to come out of your room or what? KNOCKS ON THE DOOR Kevin. KNOCKS AGAIN. Kevin, I'm not going to open the door to see if you're having sex.Kevin: Why not?
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http://www.FAILocracy.com ;Ray Griggs has made/is making a documentary staring Ronald Reagan and Barack Obama.
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http://www.FAILocracy.comA federal has recently overturned prop 8, which banned gay marriage in California.The judge said that the arguments used against gay marriage are strictly-religious, and that the inequality is unconstitutional. But it's too early for those against gay marriage to panic; they'll be appealing, so they just have persuade the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in... San Fransisco? Wow, they might as well just make them try to persuade Richard Simmons.But those seeking to re-ban gay marriage shouldn't have any difficulty because their arguments are rock solid. Let's take a look at them right now. Homo-sex is a threat to national security, okay, well, we don't want that. Here's a tea party protester, Down with sodomy, up with tea bagging. Homosexuals are Gay, hard to argue with that. The only gay marriage is ;But frankly, they shouldn't have to appeal. California banned gay marriage with a majority vote. As conservative pundits have already pointed out time and time again, judges should never be allowed to legislate from the bench by overturning popular laws just by throwing around words like "inequality" or "unconstitutional."As one good conservative said, "...using courts to overturn a democratically-decided measure is disappointing and will forever taint the court." EXACTLY. Never in American history has a judge overturned popularly-created laws. Oh... except that. I suppose Brown v Board of education did overturn the will of the majority to put black people in inferior schools, but still, where does the court get off disrespecting the right of the majority to violate the rights of the minority?Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich knows what I'm talking about. He said that the judge's ruling was "outrageous," and insulting to those who treasure the sanctity of marriage. And Newt Gingrich is an expert on marriage. After all, he's on his third one!And the sanctity of marriage is really the core of the issue here. It's a slippery slope, and if we start allowing homosexuals to get married, what's going to happen next? Are they going to make it legal to just mail-order some bride on the Internet? Because THAT would destroy the sanctity of marriage.What? That already is legal? Well, are they cute?
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http://www.failocracy.com/.For the complete Stefan Molyneux video, go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igbBIt...Hi, I'm Kevin R Breen from FAILocracy.com, and with 99.9% of precints reporting, the results of the Tennessee republican primary are in. How did Basil Marceuax.com fair? In his own words: (He's a winner.)Basil Marceaux.com's candidacy has been a wild ride for me since I first found out about him online and became one of the first on youtube to publish commentary. I want to sincerely thank all my viewers and those who gave me positive feedback. This has truly been one of the most exciting experiences of my life since my girlfriend dumped me for not making enough money. Speaking of money.But all that has come to an end tonight, as Tennessee's primary results show that he recieved .5% of the popular vote.Basil fared well, considering the fact that he ran a shoestring budget campaign during which his only pubicly-known expense was a meal Hardee's. Since he pulled in 3,526 votes, that's less than a penny per vote.?But it's not enough for a victory. Marceauxdotcom has been dumped by Tennessee in the manner my ruthless ex-girlfriend. They say, "We're just not comfortable with your radical views," and "we just need to explore other options," and, "You need to just give up this gig and get a real job that actually pays," and "Hey Kevin, I'm dating a new guy whose penis is way bigger than yours!"I'm just kidding! They don't say that last part.But, somewhat unlike the situation between my ex and me, the state of Tennessee has no restraining order against Basil Marceaux.com, so he's going to be back!4 years?! But Basil! The presidential election is in only 2 years! Now I'm liable to repeat the last presidential election and vote for Canadian Anarcho-capitalist Stefan Molynuex as a write-in.But, oddly enough, British-born Molyneux isn't qualified for the job AND MARCEUX.COM IS!To those in Tennessee, Basil has well-wishes:That's right folks of Tennessee, if you're a victim of slavery at a traffic stop, and you voted for someone besides Marceaux.com, it's your fault. If you did vote for marceaux.com, then it's time to buy a "Don't blame me, I voted for Basil Marceaux.com T-shirt" from FAILocracy.com. You can get one for as little as $12.95!Let's see, with 3,526 voters times 50 cent profit per shirt would be 1,763, and at 50 cents each in bulk, that works out to 3,526 roses! Great, that's almost enough roses, but how am I going to pay for the Hallmark Gold, "Please don't be creeped out by this." card?Like the shirt I'm wearing?! If you didn't vote for Basil Marcaux, you can still buy the, "The Name's DotCom, BasilMarceaux Dotcom," t-shirt from the sidebar on FAILocracy.com.Thanks again to all the FAILocracy fans who have made these last few days so much fun for me. Check out FAILocracy.com's new layout, and, if you haven't already, subscribe to the FAILocracy radio podcast. It's a talk show about interesting and funny political news items, and we've had lots of interesting people on like comedians Colin Cohen from the Youtube show, "As the Capitol Burns," Harvard professor Jeffrey Miron, Saralyn Wilhelmi of Dirty Jobs and Scy Fy's Fact or Faked, and many others. The show has been on hiatus since my studio equipment was stolen a while ago, but I've finally been able to replace it all, so we'll be back this Monday with a new episode with Paul Gilmartin from Comedy Central Presents and TBS's Dinner and a Movie.I also want to plug http://www.zazzle.com/Marceaux2010 for Basil Marceaux's official shirts, where proceeds are donated to the Red Cross.
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I have to cover a lot in this episode. First, Sarah Palin has been caught reading notes from her hand again. Second, is Dick Cheney dead? Third, Jimmy Hoffa's body has been found! Last, a pheromone can make you irresistible."I'm kevin breen from FAILocracy.com, and I've got a lot to talk about today. First, a brief story about Sarah Palin. Next, is Dick Cheney dead? Then, as a result of the biggest scoop in my journalistic career: I will reveal the location of missing labor organizer Jimmy Hoffa's body. After that, researchers at Harvard medical school have stumbled upon a pheromone that will make people irresistible to the opposite sex that can be created with simple household ingredients.First, I just want to get the palin story out of the way. ;Sarah Palin was caught reading notes on economic policy from her hand on Fox News Sunday. This isn't the first time Palin has been embarrassed when footage of notes on her hand got out. I'm just going to move on to the next story because this is just embarrassing for her and her party..."
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