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Jay Coughlan has been a CEO, a national keynote speaker, and a mentor to aspiring business leaders. He is also a convicted felon, and has spent time in prison. During this dark part of his life, he began developing a framework for dealing with the troubles that life inevitably brings.
Jay uses lessons gleaned from his own missteps to help change the paths of individuals and organizations. He has captured the energy from his true passion and combined it with his experience as a chief executive, creating TruBalanced™: Building Better Business Leaders.
Favorite Success Quote“Don’t pray for easier lives, pray to be stronger men.” ~John F. Kennedy
Key Points1. Clarity is the Key to All Success
All success, whether it is in business, relationships, or health comes from clarity.
Imagine that we could rewind to the beginning of the new year and examine two different men.
One of them sets his new year’s resolutions with a simple statement “Get healthy”.
The other, clearly writes out his goals for his health, stating “I will go to the gym at least twice a week, working through a comprehensive weight lifting program with the goal of losing 10 lbs. of fat and adding 50 lbs. to all of my major lifts”
Which one do you think will be successful?
You see, without a clear roadmap for who we are and what we want to achieve, we will never find true success.
You must know exactly what you want, when you want it, and why you want it.
Without this clarity, you will find yourself wandering aimlessly for years, or even decades of your life and looking back, wishing that you’d had more direction.
2. Real Change is Predicated on Accountability
Anytime we set out to make real changes in our lives, whether it is overcoming an addiction, repairing a marriage, starting a business, or achieving our dream body, we need accountability.
Whenever you “go it alone” you are the only person who you can disappoint.
If you miss a workout, spend too much money on going out, or relapse into old habits of drugs, alcohol, and porn, then you are the only person there to catch you when you fall.
However, when you build a structure of accountability into your life and have other men who are willing to show up around you and hold you to a higher standard and help you up when you fall.
When you have men who you are accountable to, you have a support system that will not allow you to fail, a support system that will call you on your crap, and encourage you whenever you are doing it right.
No man is an island and the only true way to succeed is with a team of like-minded individuals around you.
3. Failure is Not an Option… It’s a Given
So often, you hear the phrase “Success is my only option, failure is not.”
As nice as that sentiment is, it is also wildly inaccurate.
Not only is failure an option, it is a given!
There is no way that you will succeed without failing on some level, it is simply a part of life.
But what defines a man and the legacy that he creates is not his failures, what defines a man is the way that he responds to failures.
Are you going to lie down and allow life to kick the motivation, joy, and passion out of you?
Or are you going to get up, look failure in the eyes, smile, and be grateful for the lessons that failure has taught you?
4. Life is a Marathon
All too often, men, and especially young men, feel the need to go, go go, pushing 60, 80, or even 100 hour weeks.
They work themselves bare to the bone, keeping their nose to the grindstone trying to “sprint” their way to success.
But you need to remember, life is a marathon.
You cannot just “sprint” your way to a balanced and fulfilling life.
A life of joy and happiness comes from years of doing the small things with excellence over and over and over again.
Working yourself into oblivion is your gateway to an early grave.
Pacing yourself and prioritizing the people and relationships in your life, on the other hand, is your gateway to success and fulfillment.
5. Remember 168
One of the only things in life that is truly fair is time.
Every single person has the same 168 hours in a week.
Bill Gates, Oprah, Elon Musk, all of these people have the same 168 hours in a week as you and me, the only difference is what they are doing with them.
Remember that each week you are given a gift, you are given 168 hours of precious time that you will never get back.
What are you going to do with those hours?
Are you going to invest them wisely ot build a legacy and create a life of love and joy?
Or are you going to squander them on television, video games, porn, and other traps?
The choice is yours.
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Jeremy Cage’s life mission is to help unleash the full potential of as many businesses and as many people as he possibly can. His business experience spans three decades of delivering strong, profitable business growth for Procter & Gamble, Schering-Plough Healthcare, PepsiCo, The Lighting Science Group, and his own firm, The Cage Group.
He is a truly global citizen, having lived and worked in Germany, France, Belgium, Sweden, the United Kingdom, Venezuela, Brazil, Mexico, and the United States. He is also the author of All Dreams on Deck.
Favorite Success Quote“Most of us will die full of potential because we dream vaguely and dread specifically”
Key Points1. Dream Specifically and Dread Vaguely
In our day to day lives, we get caught up in a trap of dreaming vaguely and dreading specifically.
We know that we want to travel the world, quit our jobs, start a company, and find the love of our lives.
But…
If we travel the world, we run the risk of getting kidnapped by a nefarious terrorist group that will hold us in a cave inside of the mountains and keep us until someone pays our ransom of $5,000,000 or we die from malnutrition.
If we quit our jobs, we will lose exactly $7,500 a month in income, run the risk of never financially recovering, burn every bridge in the world, and …
The list goes on and on and on.
The reality is that we should be dreaming specifically and dreading vaguely.
The worst that can happen is rarely that bad, and if you get specific, you have an unlimited potential to achieve all of your dreams.
2. Climb the Ladder of Intention
Most of us have dreams, but we are not intentional about them.
We have these ideas in our head about things that would be “nice” to do.
We think that it would be “nice” to achieve the body of our dreams, have a passionate and loving marriage, earn 6 or 7-figures, backpack across Europe, go skydiving in New Zealand, or finally start up that line of awesome gym wear.
But we don’t act.
We don’t set the intention.
If you want to achieve your dreams, then you must start by climbing up the ladder of intentionality.
The first rung of the ladder, where most of us reside, is the rung of thought.
We think about what we would like, but we leave it at that. We relegate our dreams to the plain of our imagination and never move on from there.
Moving up the ladder, we then come to the rung of writing. This is where we take the first step in moving our dreams forward by writing them down with clear parameters and a specific deadline.
This can be as simple as writing down our goals in a journal or creating a comprehensive plan with step by step actions that we are going to take.
Then, once we have leveled up our intentions and written our dreams down, the third step is to actually state our dreams to the world.
Whether you tell your wife about your new intention of showing up as the best husband ever (and tangible steps you are going to take to achieve that goal) or make a statement on social media about when and why you will quit your job, this step makes your dreams more visceral.
You now have other people holding you accountable and expecting greatness from you.
It’s harder to back down on your dreams when your whole social circle is there holding you accountable for the intention that you set.
The final level of intention is to actually take action.
To leave the “what if’s” and “I cant’s” behind and to actually start making moves towards achieving what you want.
If you are serious about living your dream life, then you need to start by climbing the ladder of intention.
Imagine your goals in your mind, write them on paper, tell loved ones about your plans, and then take massive action to achieve it!
3. Create Dreams for Each of Your Grab Bags
Each of us has our own personal “grab bags” or areas of life that we hold dear.
For some of us its adventure for others its stability.
For some of us its intimacy and for others its excitement.
No matter what your personal grab bags are, you need to create and clearly articulate your dreams for each.
Is health a grab bag for you?
Then define your dream. Write out and climb the ladder of intention with your health, declare what you want your body to look and feel like and then go out and take the action necessary to make it happen.
Is your relationship with your wife a grab bag?
Then define your dreams for your relationship. How many times do you go out for dates? How do you treat her and speak to her? How do you show up as the passionate and loving man you have the potential to be?
If you want to die empty and truly live a 10/10 life, then you need to determine what is important to you and define your dreams for each area of your life.
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Anna Akbari, PhD, is a sociologist, writer, and entrepreneur. She holds a PhD in sociology and has taught at NYU and Parsons. She is the founder of Sociology of Style, an image and life coaching company, and a partner in HVCK, a Silicon Valley innovation consultancy.
She is a frequent public speaker and media personality, and has written for and been featured by Forbes, CNN, The Atlantic, The Economist, TIME, The Financial Times, TED, Bulletproof Executive, New York Observer, DailyWorth, The Huffington Post, and dozens more.
Favorite Success Quote“Happiness is not a goal, it is a byproduct” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Key Points1. True Happiness is Never the Goal
All too often in our modern Western culture, people chase happiness.
Happiness is something that they try to attain, it is a goal that they pursue, and in the end, it is this pursuit of happiness that ultimately leads to its demise.
True happiness doesn’t come from simply meditating, chanting a mantra, or looking at yourself in the mirror and saying “I am happy, I am happy, I am happy”.
True happiness is a multifaceted feeling that is derived from creating a multifaceted and fulfilling life.
I want you to imagine two men on their personal growth journey.
Man #1 spends his mornings meditating, screaming incantations about happiness, and journaling about how he wants to feel happy.
He is constantly chasing happiness, but finds that every time he experiences unhappiness, he spirals into a downward plunge thinking to himself “Why am I not happy? What am I doing wrong? Life sucks!”
Man #2 on the other hand, is not concerned with feeling happiness, but rather with creating an optimal life where happiness is the byproduct.
He meditates in the morning, says his affirmations in the mirror, and writes in his journal, sure.
But he is focused on something bigger.
He is building a business, growing a family, taking care of his body, and putting himself into flow every day.
And as a result of these actions, he experiences true and recurring happiness.
Stop chasing happiness and let it come to you.
2. Develop Your Personal Rulebook
There is an old saying that “Life doesn’t come with an owners manual”.
Life is unpredictable and we are often left confused and clueless about what we should do.
However, the only way that we can truly experience any level of consistency in this crazy thing called life is to hold ourselves (the only thing that we are truly in control of) accountable to our own set or rules and values.
In other words, to create our own personal rule book for what we will allow in our lives and what we won’t, how we will act and how we will not, what we will and will not tolerate, and most importantly, who we will show up as every single day of the week.
Life may not come with an owners manual, but whenver you create rules for your life, you don’t need one.
You don’t have to look outside of yourself for the answer to problems that you face.
Instead, you approach each and every hour, minute, and second of your life through a set of lenses that you have created and determined.
If you have created a rule for yourself that you will prioritize family over finances, then you don’t have to worry about whether you should take the higher paying job or continue working at a lower pay grade so that you can continue spending time with your children.
If you have a personal rule that you do not drink, smoke, or snort cocaine, then you aren’t going to have to wonder whether you should try it “just this once” when you are out with your friends, because you have a set of rules that you abide by.
The thing is, outside of the basic moral fibers that constitute and uphold our society, there are no “wrong” rules.
For some of you, finances might be the biggest priority in your life, for others it might be your health or your spirituality.
Some of you are totally ok having an occasional cigarette and drinking a glass of wine each night and some of you have highly addictive personalities and can’t touch the stuff.
Know yourself, know your worth, and create your rules accordingly.
3. Prioritize Your Social Life to Optimize the Rest of Your Life
Many men put off creating and maintaining a healthy social life in favor of relentlessly pursuing their financial and career goals.
This is a mistake.
What most men do not realize is that a healthy social life is actually one of the biggest keys to having a healthy life, period.
Social connection, love, and friendship are so important that if you are not cultivating strong relationships in your life, you are doing the same damage to your body as if you were smoking a pack of cigarettes a day!
It is hardwired into our genes and our psyche to seek out companionship and relationships and to build communities of our own.
And in our “hyper-connected” world, we seem to forget the importance of real human interaction.
If you want to instantly boost your happiness, health, and success, then seek out new friendships with positive people, and cultivate those relationships on a daily basis.
Whether you simply have coffee with a friend before work, go to the gym every day with your significant other, or host weekly dinner parties, it is important that you get off of your devices and into real interaction.
4.It is NEVER too Early or Late to Pivot Your Life
Whenever you ask someone why they are unwilling to make a drastic change in their life, they will often tell you that they feel they are too young or too old.
Let me tell you right now, you are never too young or too old to pivot and achieve the life that you want.
It doesn’t matter whether you are 15 or 95, you can make the conscious decision today to make a pivot, to make a change, and to start living a life on your terms.
5. Remember that Life is Created in Our Moments of Play and Introspection
Two of the key components of true happiness that are often entirely ignored by the modern man are play and introspection.
Life is a journey, and it’s supposed to be a fun one.
You weren’t put on this planet to constantly be serious and miserable, you were put here to make an impact and have fun while you do it.
If you want to be happier, then stop taking yourself so damn seriously!
Relax, enjoy the simpler things in life, and just play around. Be goofy, be spontaneous, be funny, be ridiculous, just play.
The funny thing that you will find is that your moments of play often bring about the greatest ideas and epiphanies to shape the rest of your life.
However, as you work hard and play harder, never forget to take time to pause and reflect.
Take time away from the noise for introspection. Think, reflect, and ponder your own existence, your own purpose, and your own character.
Your moments of introspection will equip you with the power and the self-knowledge that you need to truly show up in every area of your life.
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Born in Egypt, Dr. Nour left Cairo in 1977 after graduating in the top of his class at the Medical School of Cairo University. Looking for the freedom to study medical subjects of interest to him in the U.S., he made his way to London but got caught in three year immigration process.
After many years of private Neurology practice in the Midwest and due only to an allergy to Canadian Geese, which flourish in large populations there, Dr. Nour moved to Southern California. Happily married with two daughters in college, he is now semi-retired. He is an accomplished painting artist, videographer, photographer and a graphic designer.
He enjoys opera, sailing, tennis, bicycling, and learning about other cultures through travel, all while still enjoying helping patients with complex neurological disorders.
Favorite Success Quote“With persistence, you can achieve anything your heart desires.”
Key Points1. “Love” is a Scientific Series of Processes that Occur in Four Distinct Phases
1. Mate Choice
The first phase of love is mate choice. At it’s most basic level, this is the process of meeting someone and (subconsciously) deciding that they are a good match for you and your potential offspring on a genetic level. This phase happens almost instantly.
2. Falling in Love
The process that Hollywood and pop culture have used and abused. This is the phase in a relationship where the two individuals will feel massive attraction for one another and experience a heightened increase in certain pleasure chemicals. This phase will typically last 1-3 years.
3. Falling Out of Love
A necessary part of finding true love, the third phase of love is where you effectively experience the proverbial “come down” from the neurochemical high that you experienced during phase two. During this phase of the process, you will begin struggling in your relationship and find your partner less appealing than you did before. This phase will typically last around a year.
4. True Love
This is where the rubber meets the road. During the final stage of love, “True Love”, you have experienced falling out of love, made a conscious and informed decision that your current partner is right for you, and you now experience a release of a new set of pleasure chemicals that are slower forming but longer lasting, leading to the much desired “Happily ever after”.
2. Falling Out of Love is Essential to True Love
Many people assume that if they are falling out of love with their partner it is a bad thing.
However, they should actually get excited.
Falling out of love is an essential, if not the most essential part of the four phases of true love.
You see, the first two phases of love cause people to experience such an overwhelm of pleasure chemicals being released in the brain that they quite literally cannot see the other person for what they really are.
Thus the phrase “Love is blind”.
However, because your genes are hardwired to help ensure that you are able to survive and procreate with the highest levels of success possible, phase two begins.
During this phase, your genes are working behind the scenes to help you determine whether the person you are with is truly the best match for you in the long run.
If you do not have this phase, you cannot have true love.
Read that again and write it down.
Unless you fall out of love with your partner, you will scientifically never be able to experience true and lasting love.
This is not an easy reality to stomach, but the knowledge and foresight of what is to come will allow you to make informed decisions about your relationships and truly determine what is best for you in the future.
3. If You Do Not Fall Out of Love with Somebody You Cannot Fall in Love With Someone New
Many men beat themselves up and feel battered down because they are unable to move on after a bad breakup or divorce.
Gentlemen, I have good news for you.
It is not your fault.
Despite what we have been lead to believe by the pop culture surrounding masculinity, on a chemical and neurological level, you cannot just get over it whenever you experience a traumatizing separation.
You see, whenever you are caught in the second phase of love and your partner ends the relationship (often because they reached the third phase and did not know how to handle it), you are still caught in love on a chemical level.
Your brain will literally not allow you to move on until you have experienced the biological and neurological effects of falling out of love.
So what does this mean for you?
If your wife or girlfriend ends things while you are mid-phase 2 are you doomed to an eternity of lovelessness?
No.
Even though your brain and genes are working “against” you, it is possible to recover.
Typically this will occur whenever you maintain an amiable (or nonamiable) relationship with your previous partner and allow yourself to naturally fall out of love with them.
If they have been removed from your life completely, you will often need to seek professional help to truly recover and move on to your next love in a healthy way.
4. Love and Sex Are Not the Same Thing
A common fallacy among the uninformed is that love and sex are the same things.
They are not.
While love and sex are complimentary in their nature, they serve two completely different purposes.
Think about it this way.
Sex is all about satiation.
It’s about achieving the goal of orgasm and there is a set amount of sex that any given person can handle before they are done.
Love, on the other hand, does not have an inherent goal or “climax”. It is an ongoing process that can and should feel like a bottomless well.
Have you ever heard anyone say “No thanks, I don’t want any more love today. You can take your love and go give it to someone else.”?
However, love makes sex more intense and emotional and sex makes loves more binding.
Like a doctor and a nurse, they work together, but serve very separate roles.
5. Your Capacity for Love Depends on Your Genes
And now, the big one.
This particular point will be uncomfortable for many of you and might even make some of you angry.
But like the famous scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson said, “The great thing about science is that it is true whether you agree with it or not”.
Your capacity for true love, connection, and monogamy are all highly dependent on your genes.
There are some people who due to their genetic variations quite literally cannot experience true love.
The chemicals are there, but the genetic wiring to receive the “true love” chemicals are not.
This is a hard pill for many to swallow.
The fact that monogamy, fidelity, and the quality of your relationships can actually have anything to do with your genes, let alone everything to do with them, is not something that most members of society understand and accept.
And while this truth may not be comfortable, it is the truth and it’s important that you remember this on your quest to find your own true love.
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A former SpaceX employee turned social powerhouse, Michael Knight is the author of “Understanding the Fundamentals of Female Dynamics”, a world traveler, and a master of authentic social interaction.
Favorite Success QuoteDon’t ask for guarantees. And don’t look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore.” ~Ray Bradbury
Key Points1. Persistent Small Action will Get You the Results
On your path to greatness, one thing and one thing alone will be responsible for your results.
The consistent and persistent action that you take over time in pursuit of your dreams.
It is like Bruce Lee said, “Long term consistency trumps short term intensity”.
If you decide that you want to revolutionize your health and your physique, then going to the gym for 6 days straight, working out three hours each time, and taking $100s of dollars of supplements in the first week will do very little to help you achieve your goals.
However, even going to the gym a mere 3 times a week over the course of six months, training for an hour, and taking only two supplements but taking the right supplements will result in the ultimate success you desire.
If you want to build a successful online business, then publishing 7 articles a week for a month and working 16 hour days for the first five days will actually prove counter-productive.
However, persisting through the challenges and consistently generating new content and products over 12-36 months will give you a platform that will provide success and financial freedom for years to come.
The same is true of your interactions with women.
If you want to get better with women, then you need to be persistent and take small action over time.
As you grow and build your skills, you will become more successful and your success will compound until eventually, you reach your desired level.
2. Reset Your Definition of Success
If you want to be truly successful with women, then reset your definition of success.
Most men think that they are only successful if they leave their venue with a hot girl wrapped around their arm begging him to call a taxi and take her back to his place.
But the truth is, achieving success on a social level simply requires that you take action.
Did you go over and talk to the pretty girl?
Did you say hello?
If so, then congratulations! You are successful.
As soon as you make this mental shift, all of your interactions will be viewed through a different set of lenses.
Instead of seeing rejection as a failure, you will see the fact that you even tried as a success.
And when you reset your definition of success, you will find yourself having more fun and enjoying your social time on a whole new level.
You will be able to let loose and enjoy a night with friends without being outcome dependent.
And ironically, this almost always increases your success with women.
3.Remember that You are a Gold Miner
Whenever you are put into a social situation and you are looking for companionship platonic or otherwise, you need to remember that you are not there to barter for attention.
You aren’t at the bar, club, networking event, or restaurant to woo others or to buy affection.
You are there to mine the crowd to find those one or two individuals who you genuinely connect with and who you feel comfortable spending time with.
Even if buying women drinks always lead to sex, would you really want those kinds of relationships?
Wouldn’t it be better if you were rejected by 99 women, but found that 1 girl who you could talk to for hours?
The girl who interested you, who captivated your attention, who respected you, and who genuinely enjoyed your presence… not just your cash?
That should be your end goal anytime you find yourself in a social interaction.
You and panning and filtering for gold, and not shedding a tear when your pan comes up muddy.
4. You Attract What You Are
If you have found yourself consistently attracting low-quality women, winding up in relationships with “crazies”, and getting sucked into petty drama and trivial bullshit with your significant other, then it’s time to take a look in the mirror.
Who you attract into your life is almost always a direct reflection of the kind of man you are and the kind of behavior that you are willing to tolerate.
If you find yourself with whiny, clingy women, it is because you are not showing up as a man.
You are not setting the standards from the word “go” and you are allowing these women to act in a certain manner around you.
If you want to attract a higher quality of woman, then become a higher quality man.
5. Women Crave Confidence and Congruence in Men
All women want two things from their men.
Confidence and congruence.
Women want you to show up in the world with a grin on your face, no matter how challenging the circumstances are around you. They want a man who knows that he can handle anything the world throws at him.
They want a man who is confident in himself and in who he is becoming.
They also want a man who is congruent. A man who is who he says he is. A man whose words and actions are in alignment.
If you can show up in the world as a man who is confident in who he is and what he believes and maintain a strong congruence in your thoughts, words, and deeds, then the sky is the limit.
And not just with women, but in all areas of your life.
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Charles Chen is a TV Host, Traveling Chef, Wellness Expert, Creator of Dinner Club based in Los Angeles & New York City. At one point in his life, Charles struggled with his health and weighed up to 260 pounds. Charles was pre-diabetic, lethargic, and had no motivation. Since then Charles has lost over 100 pounds, reclaimed his health through adopting a whole foods lifestyle and now passionate about helping others live their best life!
Charles was pre-diabetic, lethargic, and had no motivation. Since then Charles has lost over 100 pounds, reclaimed his health through adopting a whole foods lifestyle and now passionate about helping others live their best life!
Favorite Success Quote“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” ~Marriane Williamson
Key Points1. You Have the Power to Change Your Story in an Instant
How long does it take to change your life?
Does it take months, years, decades?
Or is it possible to change your life and your story in an instant and with one single decision?
I believe that all change happens in an instant.
You have the ability to elevate your life and transform your story in a single heartbeat whenever you decide that enough is enough, whenever you realize that you physically cannot continue living life the way that you have been living.
And this moment comes at different times for every person reading this.
Maybe your transformation was/will be precipitated by a divorce, a heart attack, a bankruptcy or another catastrophic event.
Or maybe it will be something much simpler and (for you) more profound.
Your story may change one morning when you look at yourself in the mirror and don’t like what you see. It might come whenever your wife or girlfriend asks if you really love them. Or maybe it will come when you wake up with a hangover for the sixth day in a row and realize that there has to be more to life.
But for some of you, you will never have these life-shattering events or enlightened moments of self-reproach.
For some of you, you must make the conscious decision that you are going to change your story.
No matter where you are in your life, you have the power to change everything in an instant.
If you have strong enough reasons and a powerful plan of action, you will succeed.
2. Discover Who You Really Are
Know thyself.
This is a tenant and axiom of life that is almost as old as life itself.
But how many of us actually take the time to apply it?
How many of us take the time out of our “busy” days that are filled to the brim with social media, meaningless sitcoms, and endless distractions to actually sit alone with ourselves in silence and ask the question “Who am I?”?
How many of delve deep into our own consciousness and psyche to discover who we really are and, more importantly, who we want to become?
Self-knowledge is the key to achieving success in every area of your life, and if you are not consciously taking time out of every day to sit in silence, meditate, and dive into your mind, then you are on a path that can only end in failure.
3. Take Full Responsibility for Yourself
Did you ever see the movie “Finding Nemo”?
Do you remember the part where Nemo gets stuck in the filter?
As he slaps his fins around helplessly all of the tank’s other occupants rush to help him, all except one.
The jaded old “Gill” comes over and orders every other fish in the tank to let Nemo find his own way out stating “You got yourself in there and you can get yourself out”.
Despite Nemo’s pleas and cries to the contrary, he eventually summons up the courage to pull himself out of the filter swim to safety.
Later in the movie, this simple action was all that it took to give Nemo the courage that he needed to escape captivity and be reunited with his father.
And while comparing your life to a movie about a missing fish might sound overly simplistic, the world’s greatest lessons are often shared in the simplest ways.
One of life’s simplest truths is this: If you want to be successful then you must take full responsibility for everything in your life and everything not in your life.
Your results are yours and yours alone.
Your choices determined the body, bank account, and relationships that you have right now.
And as soon as you are willing to admit this, you are able to take the leap forward and elevate your life.
As soon as you take responsibility you realize that you also have the ability to change the way that things are.
4. Always be the ‘Dumbest’ Person in the Room
Success requires a borderline sadistic commitment to intentional “self-deprecation.”
And no I don’t mean that you should constantly be putting yourself down or joking about your poor sexual performance.
What I mean is that the quickest way to success is to push yourself “down” and surround yourself with people who bring you up.
It is all too easy to gain a little bit of success, let it go to your head, and then surround yourself with people who are impressed by your accolades and accomplishments.
It is much harder to have the humility to put yourself in a room where you are out of your element, where everyone around you is more successful and more grounded, and to listen to what those people have to say.
Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be better, not people who are enamored with who you already are.
5. Turn Pro
If you want to succeed, if you want to be the best, if you want to be a professional is your field…
You must start to see yourself as such.
Because the simple truth is that how you see yourself is how you will show up in the world.
If you see yourself as a professional and cultivate the habits and mindsets of a professional in your field, then those are the results that you will achieve.
If you see yourself as a “dabbler” or an amateur, then that is how you will play the game and you will constantly be held by back by your own limited perception.
Turn pro.
See yourself as an A+ player, cultivate the right habits and mindsets, and your ‘game’ will never be the same.
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Stephen Mansfield is a New York Times bestselling author and a popular speaker who works with leaders worldwide.
He first rose to global attention with his groundbreaking book The Faith of George W. Bush, a bestseller that Time magazine credited with helping shape the 2004 U.S. presidential election. The book was also a source for Oliver Stone’s award-winning film “W.” Mansfield’s The Faith of Barack Obama was another international bestseller.
He has written celebrated biographies of Booker T. Washington, George Whitefield, Winston Churchill, Pope Benedict XVI, and Abraham Lincoln, among others. Publishers Weekly described his book, Killing Jesus, as “masterful.”
Favorite Success Quote“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” ~Henry David Thoreau
Key Points1. Manly Men Need Other Manly Men
No man is an island.
Even though you have heard the saying hundreds if not thousands of times, few men truly internalize what it means, and still fewer act on it.
Just look at the statistics.
A simple scroll across the front pages and you will find sky-high suicide rates among males, loneliness, depression, and anxiety in numbers that we have never seen before.
Why is this?
While there are many theories and hypothesis, a critical look at the situation makes things clear.
We are a species that was built to be in community, and even though we are more connected now than ever before, most of us are utterly and absolutely alone.
We have no one to call us up, no one to celebrate with us, no one to challenge us, to help us, to hold us accountable and keep us to our word.
And because of this deterioration in our social structure men have become soft, weak, and effeminate.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
As a man, you have the power to break this pattern.
Make a conscious effort to meet and befriend other men. And when you are in these friendships, dive deeper than you ever have before.
Hold nothing back and hold each other up.
You will be amazed at the results.
2. Manly Men Do Manly Things
If you want to call yourself a man, then you need to do manly things.
Period.
Does this mean that you should shave with a tomahawk, lift boulders for fun, and skin polar bears with your fingernails?
Probably not (although that would be quite cool), it simply means that you need to embrace the masculine nature of doing instead of spectating and talking.
Get off of your butt and get into life!
Learn a new skill, fix things, build things, explore, create, conquer.
Especially if you are a younger man, get off of the darn Xbox and learn something practical.
Teach yourself how to maintain a car, learn how to build and fix things, become a better public speaker.
Just do.
Quit talking and take action, starting yesterday.
3. Manly Men Tend Their Field
Every man has his own field to tend.
No, I don’t mean this literally, although some of you might.
What I mean is that every man has his own set of duties and responsibilities and if you want to consider yourself a man, then you must tend to those responsibilities.
Whether you are 15 listening to this podcast or 50, we all have our own fields.
For some of you, it’s school work, your girlfriend, and your football buddies.
For others, it’s your 8-figure company, your wife of 30 years, and non-profit.
It doesn’t matter what your particular field is, what matters is that you are diligent in tending to and watering your field.
Be disciplined in your action.
Do what needs to be done.
Tend your field.
4. Manly Men Build Manly Men
One of the less flaunted traits of manly men is that they build other manly men.
There is an old saying that the true mark of a leader is not how many followers he has but how many leaders he creates.
Regardless of your religion or personal beliefs about the historicity of Jesus Christ, his virtues as a leader are unquestionable.
However, where Jesus excelled was at building up other leaders, in his case, disciples.
In fact, he was such an effective leader that of the 12 men who followed him, all but one (or two counting Judas) were martyred for their belief in Christ.
Now, whether you believe the stories or not, there is a powerful lesson to be learned about leadership and about the importance of building up those who are around you.
Are you really a man if all you can do is take from others and be built up?
Or do you need to take a step back and see who you can serve instead?
5. Manly Men Sacrifice Their Pleasures for Their Purpose
The true hallmark characteristic of all manly men is their ability to endure suffering.
Manly men know that all greatness was bred through suffering.
You must experience the pain and suffering of building and losing your dreams before you will be able to fully appreciate, live, and achieve in the ways that you desire.
With the exception of individuals with inherited wealth, no man of substance, no man of great success, and no man of wealth ever achieved their status and material pleasures without first sacrificing and delaying gratification.
If you want to be great, be ready to suffer.
If you want to be great, don’t ask yourself what you want, ask yourself what you are willing to bleed for.
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Tommy Baker is a highly credited athlete, coach, and entrepreneur who lives to inspire and serve others by helping them achieve their fitness and personal goals.
He is also the founder of the Resist Average Academy Podcast where he interviews inspiring individuals and industry experts to help bring holistic and mainstream health advice to the modern man.
Favorite Success Quote“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat” ~Theodore Roosevelt
Key Points1. Get in the Arena and Off Your Ass
In life, there are two kinds of men and only two.
There are the spectators and the men in the arena.
The spectator is the man who is complacent, who is comfortable, who sits back on the sidelines and watches others on their paths to greatness, all the while doing nothing himself.
He criticizes, complains, and makes damn sure that every single person within a 300 ft radius know his opinion on any given topic, but he never adds anything, he never gives any value.
He simply watches and takes.
And then you have the man who in the arena.
This is the man who has decided to leave the sidelines and take his life into his own hands.
This is the man who quits his secure job to pursue his dreams, who drops out of college to travel the world, who learns how to meet and date beautiful women, who goes through the pain of sculpting his body, and who truly challenges himself to live up to his potential in every area of life.
Which kind of man are you?
2. Commit to Your Craft. Never Dabble
While there are only two types of men in this world, for a brief period of time, many of those men will fall into a third category, if only for a brief moment.
This man is known as the dabbler.
This is the man who was sitting on the sidelines, and instead decides to stand up and put one foot into the arena.
But whenever the competition edges closer to him and he sees the faces of his adversaries and smells the blood on the sand, he backs down, afraid to commit to his new way of life.
This is the type of man who starts a business but never builds it, who begins a novel but never finishes it, who invests in coaching but never takes action, and who listens to all of the dating programs but never gets his ass to a venue to ask a woman out.
Don’t be that man.
If you want something, then commit.
Don’t waffle on the sidelines, unable to make a decision.
You either say this is it! This is my f*cking time to be who I want to be or you back down gracefully.
There is no in between.
3. Invest in Yourself First
So many men who start down their paths to greatness hit a sinister trap called a plateau. They have been striving and striving for so long whether it is in their business or their relationships, but all of the sudden, they realize that they cannot progress anymore.
Many men think it must be something is wrong with the vehicle that they are in so they abandon the relationship, start a new company, or quit the training program they were using.
But what the true achievers realize whenever they are faced with these periods of stagnation is that all outward growth is a direct result of inward investment.
If your workout program isn’t working (and it is accredited and proven), odds are that you are really the one who is not working.
If your business is not growing, then chances are good that you not growing.
If your relationships are failing, then the likely culprit is staring right back at you in the mirror.
And the only way that you can overcome challenges and times like this is to invest in yourself.
To achieve your outward goals, you must become the strong, grounded, powerful man on the inside first.
Whether you need to start reading more books, listening to podcasts, investing in seminars, or hiring a coach, do whatever you believe is necessary to elevate your growth and start achieving on a level that you never thought possible.
4. Start Your Days with Positive Habits
Almost everyone in the fitness and self-help world follows or prescribes some form of morning routine.
And while many of these experts convolute the power of this habit by recommending an excessive number of practices or specific ways that you have to do things, the truth of the matter is much simpler.
Every morning when you wake up, your goal should be to focus your mind and your heart on all of the good in your life.
Think about how grateful you are for the people and the opportunities that you have in your life.
Write a thank you note to a colleague.
Tell your wife or girlfriend that you love her.
Because once you have done something that puts you into this state of being, the rest of the day will flow naturally.
When you are grateful for your health, you don’t take it for granted.
When you are grateful for a spouse you don’t start the morning by arguing.
When you are thankful for all of the opportunities in your life, you are unlikely to waste them and more likely to chase the day down with a fire and intensity that is rare is most modern men.
5. Be Willing to Suffer for Your Goals
Here is a simple truth that most ‘gurus’ will not tell you.
Success sucks.
Because there is no way to achieve success without some level of suffering.
No matter what you want, you are goig to have to go through some pain and some heart ache to achieve it.
Whether you want a chiseled body, a full bank account, a loving relationship, or a deep spiritual connection, you will have to go through some pain to get it.
And at the end of the day, you need to remember that behind every great deeds are thousands of hours of painful deeds that go unnoticed.
However, if you are willing to face the pain, the rewards on the other side are worth it.
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Triambika is an internationally recognized seminar leader, professional sex and conscious intimacy coach and the founder of The Ecstatic Awareness Institute.
She has guided thousands of men and women to empower their sexuality, by helping them to release shame, gain confidence, learn to have extraordinary sex, experience exceptional stamina and create healthier relationships.
Her powerful work with singles and couples have been featured on the Playboy channel, Personal Life Media, Source Tantra, Gilad Creative Media and as the lead host and emcee for the International Sex and Consciousness Conferences.
Triambika brings her depth, intuition, passion and magnetism to her work. Harnessing her extensive training and practice with the time-honored tradition of Tantra, human sexuality, non-dual spirituality, masculine and feminine dynamics, NLP, and body-based modalities including yogic therapy and bodywork, she helps her clients to reach authentic sexual freedom and to form fulfilling relationships that support the highest expression of who they are.
Favorite Success Quote“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” ~Joshua J. Marine
Key Points1. Men Must Learn to Balance Their Energies
While the deterioration of established gender roles within our society has allowed for many phenomenal progressions to occur within our society, the simultaneous deterioration of the family has caused these changes to create a rift among men.
Without strong and enlightened male role models in their lives, most young men walk through life desperately searching for an identity and a definition of masculinity.
And unfortunately, many find that identity in the wrong place.
You see most modern men fall into one of two categories.
They are either the completely emasculated shell of a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, is unwilling to do the necessary work to succeed, and refuses to stand up for himself.
Or they are hyper masculine men whose entire sense of self is derived from their ability to achieve, to conquer women, and to be the most “alpha” guy in the room.
But what if there was a third option?
What if there was a man who was unashamedly masculine, who went after what he wanted, who lived life on the bleeding edge, who was unafraid to stand up for himself or others?
But…
He was also unafraid to dive into his feminine, to experience all the emotions that life has to offer, to cry and laugh and hurt and be vulnerable without fearing judgment.
That is the kind of man that we must all strive to be.
And the man that women long to be with.
2. Slow Down With Your Woman
As men, we all love sex.
But something that we do not realize that for a woman to fully experience and appreciate intercourse on a whole new level, we as men need to slow down.
And I am not just talking about lasting longer.
You see, sex is something that is incredibly psychological for women more so than it is physical.
For a woman, the way that you look at her throughout the day, the way that you send her texts telling her you are excited to see her, the way that you romance and seduce her, no matter how long you have known each other is the difference between good sex and mind blowing sex.
Learn to slow down, not just for the sake of your sexual relationships, but for the sake of everything else in your life as well.
We move too damn fast in our modern world, never taking time to be fully present and appreciate each moment.
Slow down and you will live life on a frequency that you never thought possible, and you will also open up your woman in ways that you never thought possible.
3. Breathe
I know that this might seem like a simplistic concept, yet no matter how simple the concept of breath might seem, its importance is literally life changing.
Just within the context of sex, a man who masters his breath will be able to control ejaculations, last as long as he wishes, and experience pleasure within the sexual realm that he never thought possible.
But the breath extends beyond sex into every part of life, because… well, the breath is life.
We live in a day and age where most people do not take the time to just breathe and appreciate the moment.
They live lives at the speed of sound, slouched over, and breathing in shallow spurts.
If you want to revolutionize your health, your mental clarity, and your sexual life learn to deepen your breath and begin taking time for yourself to simply breathe.
Influential Books1. The Art of Conscious Loving by Charles Muir
2. The Art of Everyday Ecstasy by Margot Anand
Connect with Triambika Ma Vivehttp://ecstaticawareness.com/
Next Steps
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Howard Falco is a peak performance coach, mindfulness expert and spiritual teacher. He is the author of two powerful books on human understanding and potential, I AM: The Power of Discovering Who You Really Are and Time in A Bottle: Mastering the Experience of Life.
His teachings specialize in the realization of the power we each have within to create exactly what we desire. Revealed is an awareness regarding how to break through any perceived personal limitation and how to overcome any challenge in order to achieve what is believed as possible.
Favorite Success Quote“It’s not the mountain we conquer but ourselves” ~Sir Edmund Hillary
Key Points1. All of Success is About Conquering Yourself
Most people assume that success is all about the mechanics.
They think it is about taking the right action, saying the right things in sales calls, or making all of the right moves.
But in reality, success is a more personal endeavor.
Yes, it is important that you are doing the right things and taking the proper actions, but that is not your main prerogative.
Before you even start to think about what words to write on your blog, how to approach that lead, or how to improve your product, you need to remember that success starts on the inside.
Guess what, no matter what you are striving for, you will face failure at some point in your life, however, if you have developed yourself, if you have conquered your own emotions of fear, doubt, and unconfidence, you can return from any failure and be victorious.
2. Personal Identity is Crucial to All Peak Performance
I am sure that all of you are familiar with Tony Robbins, the (in)famous life and personal development coach who has become a legend in the industry.
Tony has an interesting tactic for helping people overcome their addiction to cigarettes.
Instead of telling them to stand in the mirror and recite “I am a non smoker” every morning or telling them to burn their packet of Marlboro’s, instead, he has them change their identity.
How so?
He has them take up an activity or hobby that is completely incongruent with their identity as a smoker like cross country skiing, marathon running, or yoga.
This works because the former smokers now see themselves differently. They see an athlete, a champion, a warrior, and not someone addicted to a disgusting habit.
What Tony helps them do is to create a new belief system and personal identity.
And while this principle applies to addiction, it also applies to peak performance.
If you have developed an identity and personal belief that you are a high performer, that you are someone who shows up and does what needs to be done, then you are going to perform on a high level.
However, if you consider yourself to be average, if your identity is that of a mediocre man, then your results will continue to be average.
You need to develop an unshakable identity as a high achiever and peak performer before you can expect to achieve highly or perform at your peak.
3.Ask Yourself Why Not Me?
Have you ever had a dream, a passion, a longing for something, but you thought to yourself, “That’s not for me, I will never achieve that.”
Have you ever looked at another man with envy thinking, “There is no way that I will ever be that good, not me.”?
If so, then you need to wake up and realize that the question you need to start asking yourself is “Why Not ME?”
If you have a goal, if you have a dream, if you have a vision, then wake up and fight for it.
Why not you?
Why shouldn’t you achieve all of your wildest hopes and dreams?
Why shouldn’t you become the best man that you can possibly be?
Why shouldn’t you have a life that makes you wake up every morning and think “Wow what did I do to deserve this?”
4. Go With the Flow of Change
One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in any endeavor is to stick to rigidly to the old axioms and ways of thinking.
As Bob Dylan says, “The times they are a changing” and if you want to succeed at the game of life then you need to be able to change and adapt with the times.
This is true in every area of your life from your health and business down to your relationships and spirituality.
For example, if you do not change and adapt your exercise regimen to your body as you age, you are going to injure yourself or hit a plateau.
If you are not adaptable in your business, you will become like Kodak and follow your “Old Ways” straight into obsolescence.
Or if you are in a relationship and you are not able to evolve and adapt to your partner’s growth and maturation, you will quickly find yourself in a miserable relationship or all by yourself.
As Bruce Lee said “Be like water”, be willing to change and adapt to the world around you.
5. Greatness Takes Sacrifice
No one has ever achieved greatness without sacrifice.
No one has ever joined the halls of the masters without blood, sweat, and tears.
If you want to be remembered, realize that it will take sacrifice.
You will lose friends, girlfriends, and maybe even family.
You will lose sleep, leisure, and years of “having fun”.
But in the end, if you are committed to the right thing, it will be worth it.
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Best-selling author and Personal Empowerment Coach Paul Colaianni is the host of the top-rated personal growth and development podcast called The Overwhelmed Brain.
Having gone through a dysfunctional upbringing, many failed relationships, and several life-changing events including a breakdown in the desert a thousand miles from home, Paul started a journey of healing and growth that led him to where he is today: teaching others how to make the right decisions that lead to self-empowerment.
Favorite Success Quote“The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision”
Key Points1. Learn to Master the Art of Decisive Action
I want you to imagine that you are in an emergency situation.
You are in the middle of a big city with your girlfriend when all of the sudden, you feel the ground start to shake and stand back in horror as 30 story buildings collapse all around you.
What are you going to do?
You are really only left with two options, take action and get to safety, or stay frozen where you are in fear.
With the adrenaline coursing through your veins and your life on the line, I have little doubt that you would immediately grab your woman and pull her away from the carnage.
However, whenever we are faced with situations that are not life or death, I often find that men simply sit back and atrophy, allowing their fear to lead to inaction.
If you are familiar with Winston Churchill will remember his famous quote, “The best thing you can do is the right thing, the second best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
You need to remember in your everyday life that the absolute worst thing you can do is nothing.
If you want to be healthy, the best thing you can do is to find the right program and follow it, the next best thing is to find a subpar program and follow it, the worst thing you can do is to not follow any program out of fear of failure.
If you see a beautiful woman, the best thing you can do is to approach her, introduce yourself, and charm her socks off. The next best thing is that you approach her, introduce yourself, get rejected, and learn. The worst thin is that you can do nothing.
No matter what the situation is, be decisive and take some action.
Because at the end of the day, you can still achieve your goals with blind base hits, but you will never achieve anything if you allow indecisiveness to lead to inaction.
2. Break Down Your Fears Until You Figure Out the Truth
What are you scared of?
No really?
What keeps you up at night? What makes your skin crawl? What topic do you avoid at all costs? What thoughts slip into your head when no one else is watching?
Is it failure? Loss of love? Loss of a loved one? Ridicule? Embarrassment?
Now tell me… why is that so bad?
This question is not posed to belittle your fears but rather to make your think.
For example, let’s say that you are scared of quitting your job to start your own online business.
Well, what are you scared of? That you will fail and you won’t have any money?
Why is that scary? Because you won’t be able to eat and you will go homeless?
Why is that scary? Because you are going to die?
The more you dig into these fears, the more you realize that they are almost entirely unfounded.
Even if you failed at your business, odds are you would find a way to make ends meet.
If you didn’t then you would probably have friends or family who could help you.
If you didn’t have even that, the odds of you dying from homelessness are pretty slim.
You need to realize that the worst thing that can happen typically is not that bad, and the fears that are holding you back from success are almost always false.
3. Be Single Instead of Settling
We all have a mental image of the kind of woman that we want in our life.
And I am not just talking about what she looks like and how great the sex is either.
I am referring to the kind of woman who makes us better, who we want to be with every day, who loves us and is loved in return.
The kind of woman that gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you see her, who you could spend hours wrapped up in her eyes, who challenges you to be a better man, and helps you to see the good in yourself and others, even when you don’t want to.
These kinds of women exist.
So why is it that most of us are stuck in relationships that don’t even come close to resembling this?
Why is it that most of us are with women who we merely tolerate?
If you want to have truly satisfying relationships, then you need to realize that you cannot settle.
You need to know what you want in a woman, what is non-negotiable for you, and then do not rest until you find the woman you are looking for.
Because quite frankly, a life spent “alone” is better than a life spent in relationships with someone who does nothing but bring you down.
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Frank Miniter is an author and investigative journalist with a penchant for outdoor adventure. He has floated the Amazon, run with the bulls of Pamplona, hunted everything from bear in Russia to elk with the Apache to kudu in the Kalahari and has fly-fished everywhere from Alaska’s Kenai to Scotland’s River Spey to Japan’s freestone streams. Along the
Along the way, he was taught to box by Floyd Patterson, spelunked into Pompey’s Cave, climbed the Gunks, and graduated from the oldest private military college (Norwich University) in the U.S. He was a Senior Editor at Outdoor Life magazine and was the Executive Editor of American Hunter magazine.
He is also the author of This Will Make a Man of You and The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide.
Favorite Success Quote“I like a man who grins when he fights” ~Winston Churchill
Key Points1. You Need to Stand Up for Yourself
The evolution of society and rapid shift in perceived gender roles has created a world in which manliness and masculinity are concepts that are ambiguous and difficult to explain, at best.
Yet no matter what your beliefs are pertaining to modern masculinity, I think everyone can agree on one simple fact.
You cannot consider yourself a true “man” unless you are willing to stand up for yourself, what you believe, and those you love.
I want you to imagine John Wayne, Steve McQueen, or even a character like Tyler Durden in Fight Club are sat at a table in a bar, surrounded by friends and family.
A stranger from another table comes over and starts insulting one of his family members, bringing up some past feud and looking to cause trouble.
What do you think they would do?
Would they cower in their seat, avert their eyes, and start nervously twitching?
Or would they get out of their seat, square up with the aggressor, look them in the eyes and invite them to leave before they had a real problem?
I think we all know the answer.
Being a real man has nothing to do with loving or looking for violence, but it has everything to do with being willing to take a stand for yourself or the things which you believe.
In the 21st century, it is important to realize that this rarely (if ever) means physical confrontation.
Taking a stand for yourself can be as simple as telling your boss that you need a raise because you have been working harder than anyone else and have measurable results to prove it.
It can mean speaking candidly with your significant other about the way that they have been addressing you in public situations and informing them that their actions are inappropriate.
And yes, occasionally, when all other options are exhausted, it can mean taking the gloves off and throwing a mean right hook when someone truly steps out of line.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself, your friends, or your values, because at the end of the day it is better to live a short life where you face your fears and live boldly than a long life as a coward.
2. Life is Meant to be Lived in Community
10,000 years ago on the plains of the Savanna, men lived in communion with one another. They lived together, ate together, hunted together, fought together, and died together.
Town elders would lead the tribe and create rituals and rites of passage for young men to pass through in order to become a man.
The warriors of each tribe relied on each other and trusted the men around them with their lives.
And for hundreds of thousands of years, this is the way that we as a species, and more specifically, we as men, have evolved.
We live in the most socially disconnected time in human history, and despite all of our technological advancements and the rapid growth of social media and other online platforms, the problem is not getting any better.
Men struggle to find meaning and purpose in life, they are lost and confused about who they are and what it means to be a man, they are lonely and afraid and depressed, and it is due, in large part to our lack of community.
We no longer live in tribes.
If we wanted to, there are many among us who could limit our face to face interaction with others to less than once a week when we go out for groceries.
Men no longer go to other men for advice and emotional support.
We no longer have tribe elders who can guide us and mentor us.
With the exception of military servicemen, we no longer have brothers in arms who have struggled through life with us and been there for us through thick and thin.
And we are paying the price.
Men are suffering from depression and suicide at alarming rates and society tells us to simply take another pill or get a new prescription, instead of being told to build a band of brothers.
If you want to succeed in life, if you want to be truly happy and successful, then you need to have a group of men around you who you can trust, you need to have a community of like-minded individuals who will build you up and hold you accountable and who will be there for you when you are on cloud nine and rock bottom.
3. Manhood is Defined by Your Values and Your Code
Manhood has meant something different to nearly every culture throughout history.
The Vikings version of manhood was markedly different from the Greek’s which was markedly different from the Apache’s.
But the one thing that all of these ancient cultures had in common is that their ideals of manhood were derived from a code.
Every great “manly” culture built their foundation of masculinity upon an ethos, a way of life, and a code of honor and conduct based on the values of their unique societies.
For some cultures mercy and reason were at the forefront of their code, for others it was power and justice.
The truth of the matter is, there is no one code that will work universally for every man.
We all have different realities, different religious and political beliefs, and different lenses through which we view the world around us.
This means that all of us will function under a different code and live by different values.
And while it is extremely important which values you have and uphold (integrity, honor, service, and generosity should be at the top of your list) it is more important that you uphold a set of values that make you a better man and help you contribute to society in a more meaningful way.
4. You Need to be a Well-Rounded Man
So often in our modern society, we are quick to judge and label certain activities as unmanly, red neck, or “posh”.
Many see hunting and marksmanship as a lower class activity for camouflage wearing, tobacco chewing country boys. or they see dancing as a “gay” and unmanly activity in which no
They see dancing as a “gay” and unmanly activity in which no self-respecting man would participate.
Or they say that horseback riding and poker are activities that are only appropriate for trust fund babies and the super rich.
But you need to remember that an essential part of modern manliness is being able to participate in a wide variety of activities and show yourself to be well-rounded both in your skills and intellect.
You need to become, as the rampaging viral internet memes suggest, “A man who can do both.”
You need to be able to be a diplomate and a fighter, to speak well among the scholars of academia and the blue collar workers down at the bar.
You need to be comfortable both in a suit and tie and in camouflaged jacket.
You need to be someone who is able to hold himself in any situation and is unafraid of new things, no matter what stigma is attached to them.
5. Show Respect to Others
I don’t care whether you are living in an incredible community of amazing men, living by a code, and the most well-rounded person in the world, if you are not extending respect and love to the people in your life, then you are not a true man.
Period.
End of story.
No one can call himself a man if they are not respecting the people in their lives, if they are not loving others, and if they are not following the “golden rule.”
Respect others and earn the respect of others.
That is where true manliness lies.
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As a professional speaker and executive coach, Ryan helps business leaders and entrepreneurs build high performing teams, break through plateaus and realize their true potential. Ryan worked for fifteen years as a senior sales leader for three Fortune 100 Tech Companies, including Apple and Dell, and has worked in California, Australia, the UK, and Ireland At time of writing, Ryan is studying for his Masters Degree (MSc.) in Personal & Business Coaching at University College Cork, Ireland.
Ryan is also an Accredited Certified Coach (ACC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and in 2015 was nominated as a finalist in the ICF Ireland Coach of the Year awards. He recently authored the book Shifting Gears: How to Harness Your Drive to Reach Your Potential and Accelerate Your Success.
Favorite Success Quote“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts” ~Winston Churchill
Key Point1. You Need to Set Ground Rules to Achieve Fulfillment
Let me set the stage for you.
It’s 9 a.m. on a Monday morning, groggy from a long weekend with family, you roll up to your office, barely slipping through the front doors on time.
When you arrive at your desk, your boss walks over a scowl lacing his face and tells you that he needs to see you in his office immediately. You begin sweating as you quietly creep through his door, hoping that you are in his good graces.
He sits you down and quickly informs you that you have been promoted two ranks above where you currently are and have earned over a 15% annual pay raise.
Sitting back in stunned silence you don’t know what to say, and you mumble out a thank you, walking back to your desk on cloud nine.
Act II.
Over a year has passed since that fateful promotion, and since then, you have been promoted 3 more times in twelve months, earning a salary you never thought possible and absolutely crushing every aspect of work.
But you are also working 80 hours a week, your marriage is on the verge of collapse, you have gained 20 lbs. from late night take-out and an over worked lifestyle.
Your friends no longer see you and your family wonders what has happened to you.
All in all, you have achieved “success” but you are absolutely miserable.
You see, before you set out to achieve anything, you need to set some ground rules and have a clear definition of what you want to achieve and who you want to be.
You need to know what will fulfill you and make you come alive, not just what will make you the most money.
There is no point in being the richest man in the world without loved ones, friends, and the good health to enjoy it.
2. Let Your Fear be Your Guide
As we all move through life, especially as men, we have heard one resounding axiom repeated to us over and over again, drilled into our heads from birth, and ingrained so deeply in our psyche that it has made an indelible mark on our thoughts and actions.
Don’t be afraid.
But the problem with that statement is that fear is often times one of our most powerful motivators, drivers, and allies.
The man who feels no fear is the man who feels nothing, a sociopath or psychopath who lacks empathy and basic emotional capacity.
Fear is not something that is bad or wrong with you, rather it is simply a part of who we are that has been hard-wired into our brains through millions of years of evolution.
And while the fears that we once had, such as getting eaten by a saber tooth tiger or starving to death in the middle of the jungle are no longer valid, our brains still create that animalistic fear inside of us whenever there is the potential for loss or failure.
Instead of running from that fear, however, it is essential that you learn to harness it.
Use fear as your guide, learn to master your fear and make it work for you instead of against you.
Approach your fears with a cold rationality until you realize that the worst thing that can typically happen doesn’t even shine a candle to the potential benefits.
And above all, remember that what one man can do, another man can do. If it has been done before, it can be done again.
3. Risk Leads to Growth and Excitement
Do you remember the last time that you did something scary?
I mean really scary.
Like quitting your job, starting a business, asking your significant other to marry you, jumping out of a plane, or selling everything and travelling the world.
Depending on how you answer that question, I can typically guess (with surprising accuracy) your level of excitement and fulfillment.
Because here’s the thing, whenever you walk up to your boss and hand in your notice, send in the payment for that LLC., step onto that airplane, or bend down on one knee hoping that she will say “I do”, you are injecting a dose of excitement and meaning into your life.
Most of us are so caught up in the dull monotonous drudgery of everyday life that we have become disengaged and disenchanted with our own existence.
However, if you want to step into your “level 10” life and truly achieve a sense of fulfillment and peace that you have never had before, then you need to start taking risks.
And here’s the coolest part.
Risk looks different for everyone.
For some people, simply firing an annoying client is all the risk and excitement that they need, for others, unless they put their lives on the line on a regular basis (big wave surfers anyone?) they are unsatisfied and miserable.
Gauge your own risk tolerance and then make a point to start taking intentional risks every week.
You will live a life that is filled with more excitement and fulfillment the more you take intentional risks.
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Internationally renowned human emotion, connection, and cognition expert Tony Selimi is a coach and the author of #Loneliness and A Path to Wisdom. He is currently traveling the world, sharing his message of transformation and connection.
Favorite Success Quote“I embrace equally both support and challenge” ~Dr. John DeMartini
Key Points1. You Must Embrace Both Sides of Life
Life is not comprised of just the good or just the bad.
It is a beautiful dichotomous dance that blends together both exuberant highs and devastating lows meant to mold us, change us, and teach us.
While modern pop psychology gurus would have you believe that you should ignore any pain and struggle in your life and simply live in a state of constant and never ending euphoria, the simple truth is that life is beautiful because of the pain and struggles that we face.
Without the pain of discipline, there would be no joy in success.
Without the hurt of loss, there would be no satisfaction in gain.
Life requires the good and the bad to play out like the masterfully written movie that it is, and the sooner you learn to embrace both sides of life, the sooner you will be able to live up to your true potential.
2. Loneliness Affects Every Area of Your Life
Often times, as men, we revel in the concept of solidarity.
We love the thought of being the lone wolf, outnumbered and against the world achieving greatness all by his own accord.
And nothing could be more damaging or destructive to our overall health and well-being.
Whenever you live your life out of communion with others, whenever you lack strong bonds and friendships, and whenever you isolate yourself from the world, you are not only damaging your psyche, but your physical well-being and genetic expression as well.
Loneliness has been shown to cause disease, mental illness, and even alter your genes in a very real and powerful way.
There is nothing manly about depression and sickness, so quit trying to go it alone and invest into your social life.
3. Place Yourself in the Right Environments
An interesting phenomenon that can occur in our modern world is that men can be surrounded by friends but still feel lonely if the activities and conversations with those friends are incongruent with your personal values and desires.
For example, let’s say that you hate sports.
You couldn’t care less about the NFL or NHL or any other sports league.
And yet, one of your social circle’s favorite activities is to sit down together at the local bar, have a few beers, and watch the game.
Even though all of the men in the circle are fantastic influences and valuable friends, taking part in this activity will actually increase your feelings of isolation and loneliness.
This makes it essential that you start becoming more intentional about the activities you indulge in and the things that you do with your peers.
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Dr. Corey Lewis is the author of The Art of Becoming, a professional coach, and a master of NLP and quantum leaping.
Favorite Success Quote“We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are” ~Max Dupree
Key Points1. If You to Achieve Something You Must First Conceive it and Believe It
I want you to imagine for a moment that there are three men, let’s call them James, Alex, and Will.
All three men suffered through challenging childhoods and crippling adversity during their younger years, from poverty to the death of family members, to abusive parents.
They have all seen the worst that this world has to offer and lived through a reality where most men wouldn’t last a day.
Now James, the first of the men doesn’t know how he could possibly improve his life, he assumes that this is “just the way it is” and relegates all of his hopes and dreams to childhood fantasies.
Alex, on the other hand, knows that his life could be better.
He constantly finds himself daydreaming of a better life, one filled with an abundance of wealth, unconditional love, vibrant health, and a deep sense of belonging.
However, Alex doesn’t believe that this can be a reality for him.
After all, he is a former convict, drug addict, and grew up in one of the worst families you can imagine. How could he change?
Now, I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out the results that these two men are going to generate in their lives with these types of convictions and beliefs.
But what about Will?
Will is in the same boat as everyone else.
He went to prison in his late teens, never had a father, and is currently broke, alone, and addicted to drugs, but he’s different.
Not only does he know that life can get better for him, he deeply believes that he has what it takes to make it so, he believes that he can change his life, turn things around, and achieve the success he has been dying for his whole life.
You see, the only limits on your life are the ones that you impose upon yourself.
If you can conceive a new way of being, deeply believe that it is possible, and are willing to take the action necessary to do it, you will succeed.
2. Tapping Into Your Emotions Creates the Motion You Need for Success
How many times have you woken up in the morning, intending to get out of bed early and go “seize the day” but found yourself instead rolling over lazily and smashing the snooze button?
How many times have you sat down at your computer intent on working hard and grinding away at your latest project, when three hours later, you find yourself deeply lost in the trap of the internet, throwing your day down the drain?
How many times have you come home after a long day of work intending to hit the gym and work on your health only to find yourself sitting in front of the television on a guilty Netflix binge?
My guess is a lot.
You see the problem isn’t that you are lazy or lack work ethic, the problem is that you lack the emotional drive to create the motion you need to achieve success.
You need to have a burning reason to pursue your dreams, you need to have clear goals, and you need to learn how to tap into the power of your emotions to go after the life that you want.
3. Your Thoughts are the Father of Your Results
If you have anything in your life that you are unhappy with, you need to remember that the root of these results did not start in your bank account, in your relationship, or in your body, but these results started in your mind.
When you look at your bank account and don’t like what you see, you need to remember that these results were caused by your thoughts.
They were caused by your beliefs, your decisions, and your values that were then projected into your reality.
This truth can be seen in any area of your life.
No matter what results you have or don’t have in your life, your thoughts are the cause behind all of them.
And if you can change your thoughts, then you can change your actions, change your actions and you can change your results, and if you can change your results you change your life.
4. Break Down Your Dreams into Achievable Steps
Become a millionaire.
Meet the girl of your dreams.
Lose 100 lbs.
All of these goals are incredible in size and scope and are a scary whenever you look at them without first thinking about how you can break them down into achievable steps.
If you want to become a millionaire, then start by working on earning your first $1,000 a month and build up from there.
If you want to meet the woman of your dreams, then start getting out once a week and meeting awesome women at cool social events.
If you want to lose 100 lbs. then start with 5.
Whatever goal you have, it can be broken down into several smaller steps that will allow you to approach your dreams without feeling overwhelmed or scared.
5. Escape Your Plateaus and Find the Next Level
Life is full of unlimited possibilities and opportunities just waiting for you to show up and take them.
But first, you have to break through your plateaus and realize that you can be living life on an elevated level.
No matter how incredible your life is right now, there is always room to grow, there are always new mountains to be conquered, and there are always new ways to push yourself to become a better man.
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Connor Beaton is a thought leader in the men’s community who founded ManTalks, has spoken at events around the nation, including TEDx.
Favorite Success Quote“Aim for fulfillment and success will follow”
Key Points1. Stop Chasing the Golden Handcuffs
In most modern western societies, there is one great expectation placed upon all men.
Can you guess what it is?
It’s not to get married and have kids.
It’s not to find a career that they love and find spiritually fulfilling.
Rather, all men are expected to earn.
And not just to earn a living so that they can pursue a life of their choosing, they are expected to earn as much money as they can regardless of the cost.
And while there is nothing wrong with money, most men who pursue those greenbacks with a single-minded intensity soon find themselves financially wealthy, but spiritually, emotionally, and relationally broke.
You need to realize that money is great.
It can enable you to do so much good in the world and make a difference in the lives of countless people.
But it can also become a prison.
Men who chase after careers they dislike in order to achieve a financial status that they don’t really need will often find themselves sitting at home alone, millions in the bank but utterly, and completely miserable.
You see, the real secret to life is to chase fulfillment.
Chase what makes you feel alive, chase what you love, and the money will come.
And even if it doesn’t, you still had a helluva ride and enjoyed life to the fullest.
2. Allow Yourself to Experience Your Success
How many times has this happened to you?
You have spent hundreds of hours working yourself down to the bone to achieve your goals.
You haven’t slept in days, you haven’t allowed yourself to go out with friends in months, and you are on the verge of mental collapse, when finally, you reach your goal.
Whether you hit an income goal, increase your subscriber base, or finally got your first client, you have finally achieved the thing that you had been pursuing for so long.
But there’s a problem.
You don’t allow yourself to acknowledge your victory and enjoy the rewards of your labor.
Instead, you are off to the next goal, the next milestone, the next big thing before you even pause and appreciate what you already have.
One of the most essential parts of success is taking the time to fully experience each of your accomplishments.
No matter what you have achieved, you need to give yourself adequate time to bask in the glow and enjoy the successes you have already reached before you start chasing after the next big thing.
3. You Need to Have Men Who Call You Forward
When was the last time you messed up?
I mean really messed up?
You know, the time that you made the mistake that ended your relationship, that lost you 6-figures in business, or that cost you a trip to the hospital.
Who did you call?
Undoubtedly, you had friends who came to the rescue and told you everything would be alright, but did you have anyone in your life who cut through the crap of the situation and was willing to call you to a higher standard?
Most men have lots of friends on their level and below them, but few of those men have high-level mentors who are willing to call them on their B.S. and tell them when they have messed up.
But you need to realize that the only way forward is to surround yourself with men who are willing to challenge you to achieve at a new level, men who are willing to call you out, and men who are willing to brave your disapproval in an attempt to make you better.
4. If You Want to Achieve Your Goals You Have to Eliminate Porn
Porn is one of the most insidious creations of the modern age.
How many nights have you spent alone in your room, ignoring the real issues and tasks in your life while you were silently kept company by dozens, if not hundreds of virtual women?
How many times have you suppressed the frustrations that you were facing with real women by resorting to a form of “entertainment” where you have unlimited access to any type of woman on the planet, who will do anything that you want, all from the comfort of your own bed?
How many men do you know who lack the passion and drive that they should have because they are wasting all of their energy “experiencing” women online?
The simple fact is this, if you want to achieve the greatest levels of success in your business, your health, and your relationships, then you have to cut out the porn.
There are no questions about it.
It is draining you of your masculinity, of your sex drive, and of your energy to get shi!t done.
Eliminate it from your life as quickly and permanently as you can.
5. Reinvest in Your Creative Side
One of the great travesties of the modern male is that we have all become so caught up with becoming successful in our health, finances, and relationships, that we have completely abandoned all of our creative energies that fulfill us and reinvigorate other aspects of our lives.
If you are feeling lost in your life, if you are feeling unsure of where to go, or if you are simply lacking the motivation that you need to begin pushing the envelope forward in a given area, then you need to reinvest in your creative side.
Whether you take up an instrument, begin writing, dancing, woodworking, or anything else that engages your mind in a new and exciting way, I can guarantee that you will begin to see the world in a new light.
Have you ever noticed how musicians appreciate and describe music (and even the world) in a way that non musicians simply cannot.
Have you ever noticed how writers are able to captivate their audience’s at social gatherings with riveting stories?
Have you ever noticed how men who have learned how to dance are often some of the most creative and enthusiastic partners that a woman will ever experience?
This is not a coincedence.
Engaging in your creative energy will change your life in unexpected and exciting ways.
So whether you are killing it in life right now or are in an existential funk, get out there and get creative.
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Justin Constantine is a former Marine who suffered a traumatic gunshot wound to the head in Iraq and retired from the Marine Corps at the rank of lieutenant colonel. He also serves as an attorney and is now an inspirational speaker and leadership consultant who advises the corporate community on military issues and sustaining employee peak performance.
He now serves on the board of directors of several national nonprofit organizations who co-founded the Veteran Success Resource Group in 2015, a military nonprofit that provides full spectrum resources for veterans and their families. He is also a senior advisor at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation, where he leads a team focused on employment opportunities for wounded veterans and their caregivers.
Favorite Success Quote“This is a wonderful day, I have never seen this one before” ~Maya Angelou
Key Points1. We All Face Our Own Adversity
I want you to imagine for a second that your whole world is crumbling down.
You wake up bleary eyed from a fitful night of sleep and check your phone to only to be met with two voice messages informing you that you have one week to pay your mortgage before your home will be foreclosed and the bonus you were expecting has been cut in half due to a recent drop in your company’s stock.
Furthermore, as you rest your head in your hands wondering what you are going to do, your wife, whom you are on the verge of divorcing, enters the room and begins to argue with you about trivialities you don’t understand until you are so frustrated that you storm out of the house, slamming the door behind you.
You decide to skip work for the day and instead drive yourself to a local bar where you intend to drown your worries in whiskey because you just can’t deal with the stress anymore.
Walking through the doors of the dimly lit bar, you notice that there is another man sitting in the bar by himself, looking sullenly into his drink as he fights back tears.
With hopes of finding a companion to share in your misery, you sit down next to him and begin a conversation only to find out that the man had recently suffered a layoff at work after losing his wife of 15 years to cancer.
Startled by his situation and own perceived weakness, you silently curse yourself for your self-pity and decide to keep your own worries to yourself and order another round.
You see, no matter what adversity you are facing, someone else always has it worse and it’s easy to trivialize our own struggles whenever we compare them to the things that others are facing.
But the problem with this mentality is that we fail to realize that comparing away our strugles will not make them dissapear.
Just because you aren’t facing disease, death, or bankruptcy does not mean that your pain is not real and that it does not need to be addressed.
Whatever struggle you are facing, there is only one way to eliminate it.
And that is to admit that you are in pain and seek the help that you need to overcome it.
2. You Can Achieve Anything With Time
The media loves to propagate this myth of the “overnight success.”
They love reporting on stories about the 17 year old entrepreneur who achieved IPO and retired before graduating high school with $20 million dollars in the bank.
Or the actress who landed one movie role and suddenly became the face of Hollywood.
Or even the “Biggest Loser” who dropped 150 lbs. of fat and became a model of health and athleticism.
But the thing is, none of these people’s success happened overnight.
It happened after years and years of working behind the scenes, after countless sleepless nights toiling away at their craft, and after thousands upon thousands of disciplined mornings brought them the results that they wanted.
You need to remember that no goal you have is out of your reach, it will just take time and it will take sacrifice.
It will require that you give up on the “good” so that you can step into the “great.”
It will mean that you miss out on parties and dates and time with friends while you work to build your legacy and achieve your dreams.
Nothing is out of your reach, but you must be patient and you must be diligent if you want to achieve it.
3. It’s Ok to Ask for Help
Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bike?
Do you remember the feeling of the wind in your hair, the rub of the helmet strap against your chin, the exhilaration in your stomach as you accelerated down the street…
And the sudden halt whenever you suddenly hit an unexpected bump and flew over the handlebars crashing into the ground with a definitive thud.
As you sat on the street, blood oozing from the raspberries on your knees and elbows, you began to cry and if your father was present, he likely responded to your accident with four words “Man up! You’re ok!”
As an adult, your father knew that you would be fine, but as a young boy, you felt that your world was caving in around you and the only response that you receive was to suck it up and be a man.
While instances like this may seem relatively benign in the big scheme of things, this mantra of “Man up! You’re fine!” is repeated over and over to the men of our society like a record on repeat until we reach a point where, no matter our struggle, we simply bear it and grin, refusing to ask for help because we fear that we will appear weak or vulnerable.
The simple truth, however, is that we all need help.
We all have our inner demons, we all have our struggles, we all have those dark places we don’t let anyone see that eat us alive at night.
And the only way to overcome them is to be willing to reach out to others and ask for help
You need the support of others, you especially need a group of men in your life who can be with you through the hard times and help keep you on the right path.
You are not alone, and you don’t need to be. Whether you need to join a men’s mastermind, hire a coach to talk to, or simply call up an old friend, if you are in pain then get help.
Talk to someone and be real about the struggles in your life, I promise it will be one of the best decisions that you ever make.
4. Forget What You “Should” Be Doing
With the holiday season in full swing, most of you who are going to visit family are going to hear one word more than any other, “Should.”
You should get a job and quit trying to build your silly business.
You should find a girlfriend and stop partying.
You should quit spending so much time on silly pursuits like travel and art and just get married and get a job instead.
You should do this.
You should do that.
But the truth is, there is no guidebook for what you should be doing as a man.
No one in society can tell you what is right for you, whether it is entrepreneurship or the 9-5, marriage or the bachelor life, travel or settling down.
Life is a beautiful buffet with countless options and most men feel weighed down with the expectations that society sets that we are supposed to earn a certain amount of money, marry a certain type of person, or live a certain type of life.
5. Define Your Own Version of Success
With New Year’s right around the corner, everyone is going to be setting new goals and resolutions for 2017.
And I can tell you without ever meeting the person or knowing a darn thing about them who is most likely to succeed based purely upon what they write down.
You see, most people want to achieve success but they never truly define what success means.
They set vague and ambiguous goals that are uncompelling and uninspiring.
Everyone says that they want to lose weight, make more money, have a more abundant dating life, and achieve more, but what does that really mean?
How much weight do you want to lose?
How much money do you want to make?
Who do you want to be dating and how frequently?
You see, the only way to truly achieve “success” is to have a clear picture of what success means to you.
For some people, success is an easy going 9-5, $10,000 in the bank and a happy family.
Other people would become depressed if they are making less than $10,000,000 a year and travelling 11 months out of the year.
If you want to achieve success, you need to define what it means to you first, and then set out to achieve it second.
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Jason Saltzman is a seasoned entrepreneur with a background in sales and marketing. Through his role as CEO of Alley and as a TechStars mentor, he advises hundreds of startups, offering real life practical application and creative marketing advice. He is also considered a “must know” in the New York City entrepreneurial scene.
Favorite Success Quote“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” ~
Key Points1. Your Ideas Are Irrelevant to Your Success
Everyone is familiar with the phrase “Billion dollar idea.”
And more than mere familiarity, everyone I know of has actually had one of these billion dollar ideas.
They prance around for a few days or a week telling their friends and family about this new concept they developed that is going to revolutionize the world in some weird way.
Whether it’s a microwave that never burns your popcorn, a shirt that you never have to wash, or an actual flying car, everyone has had one of these ideas at some point in their life.
So why the hell are they not all billionaires?
Because ideas are irrelevant to success, execution is the only thing that matters.
A good idea is worth exactly $0 unless it is acted upon, unless it is taken from idea to concept, from concept to prototype, and prototype to product.
You have to realize that this is one of the irrefutable truths of entrepreneurship.
You can have the greatest ideas on the planet, but without a propensity for action and the ability to execute your ideas at lightning fast speeds, you will never succeed.
2. Success Requires Patience
There is an old quote from Tony Robbins that “We overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade.”
And it’s true.
Most people want to completely turn their lives around in a short 12 month period, and while it is definitely possible, it is also highly improbable.
Success takes time, but most people are unwilling to take the time necessary to succeed.
And this seems odd to me.
Because when you think about it, that time will pass whether you are patiently pursuing your dreams or doing something that makes you miserable, the only difference is that one path will result in a lifetime of success and happiness and one will result in misery and malcontent.
Jason spent nearly 15 years as an entrepreneur before he saw the success he wanted.
15 years of late nights, subpar revenue, failed businesses, stress, and frustration.
He could have quit, he could have gone the route of the 9-5, he could have said that it just wasn’t worth it.
And what would have happened if he had?
Instead of achieving success a little bit later in life than he would have preferred, he likely never would have achieved success.
His impatience would have lead to failure and he wouldn’t be on the show with the knowledge, wisdom, and results that he has today.
3. Entrepreneurship Can Suck
Have you ever met someone who has actually been to war?
If you have ever had the courage to ask them about their service, you have likely heard them all utter the phrase “It ain’t like you see in the movies.”
In our modern society, we glamorize war. We show soldiers valiantly defending their country, overcoming unbeatable odds, and heroically facing the enemy.
But the reality of war is much different.
If you have ever spoken with a veteran, they will tell you how war really is.
They don’t feel courageous or valiant as they witness their friends dying next to them. They don’t feel like heroes as they struggle through wounds and exhaustion to hold back the enemy, and they sure as hell don’t feel glamorous as they are crawling through the desert with a broken leg and three bullet wounds, their entire team wiped out by the opposition.
And while entrepreneurship is nowhere close to the same league as war, the parallel is pretty clear.
Everyone glamorizes entrepreneurship.
They glamorize “working for yourself”, they glamorize the financial freedom, they glamorize IPO and acquisition, but they leave out the messy details.
Very few people would want to be an entrepreneur if they saw the sleepless nights, the stress, the anxiety, and the struggle that comes with it.
Does it sound glamorous to have to spend three days without food because you have invested all of your income into a new marketing campaign and your invoices don’t clear until Friday?
Does it sound like fun to spend 6 months living on your family’s couch working 16 hours a day, missing out on all the “fun” your friends are having while you grind away at your business with no tangible results for your effort?
Does it sound like fun to fail time after time after time and somehow have to find the will to keep going despite the ridicule and shame that your family, friends, and society try to project onto you?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you are either delusional or masochistic.
You need to realize that entrepreneurship sucks.
Is it worth it once you succeed? Of course!
Is it easy to achieve that success? Hell no!
4. Arrogance Guarantees Failure
How many times have you met that person, whether they were an entrepreneur, corporate drone, or simply an acquaintance who thought that they knew it all?
Despite their lack of results, they still decided that the best path forward was to ignore anybody who disagreed with them, regardless of that person’s acumen or skill set.
You know the type, maybe you even are the type.
I am talking about the overweight guy in the gym who gets a tip from a local fitness pro and then ignores it saying, “I know what I am doing! I’ve watched the YouTube videos”
Or the broke guy who tries to give family financial advice, and then once his rich cousin corrects him on something and suggests an alternative, he lashes out and says “You don’t know what you are talking about! Haven’t you read anything on Forbes?”
Or even the guy who has maybe had some success with women and goes out to a nightclub with his friend who is practically casanova incarnate, and then after a few rejections, his friend comes over with a model on each arm and makes a recommendation only to get the sharp response “I’ve got this man, I don’t need your help”
You need to realize that nothing will stand between you and success like your own ego.
Arrogance will take you down a one-way street to failure because quite frankly, you don’t know it all, you don’t even know the half of it.
If you want to succeed then you need to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you who actually have the results you want and then do what they say.
Because if you try and go it alone, you will fail.
5.The Obstacle is the Way
We have an unfortunate propensity in our modern culture to avoid adversity.
We take the elevator instead of the stairs, we use Tinder instead of approaching women, we stay in the shitty safe job instead of taking the leap into self-employment, and we generally live lives of discontentment because we like to stay comfortable.
But one of life’s great truths is that, as Ryan Holiday says, “The obstacle is the way, what is in the way becomes the way”
The very things that are standing in your way are the same things that will lead to your success.
Overcoming your fear of approaching women will turn you into the kind of man who has success with women.
Struggling through a new training program will give you the resilience and grit that you need to build and maintain your ideal body.
Surviving the pain of quitting your job with giving you the emotional fortitude you need to keep going in your new entrepreneurial endeavors.
The obstacle is the way.
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Lee Ellis is President and Founder of Leadership Freedom® and FreedomStar Media™. For more than fifteen years he has served as an executive coach and a corporate consultant in the areas of hiring, teambuilding, leadership development, and succession planning.
His clients include Fortune 500 senior executives and C-Level leaders in a variety of industries. Since 1990, Lee has managed the development, validation, and internet deployment of several personality and leadership assessments that have been used by more than 200,000 individuals.
Early in his career, Lee served as an Air Force fighter pilot flying fifty-three combat missions over North Vietnam. In 1967, he was shot down and held as a POW for more than five years in Hanoi and surrounding camps. After the war, he served as an instructor pilot, chief of flight standardization/evaluation, and flying squadron commander. Additionally, he commanded two leadership development organizations before retiring as a colonel. Lee’s combat decorations include two Silver Stars, the Legion of Merit, the Bronze Star with Valor device, the Purple Heart, and the POW medal. Favorite Success Quote“Be courageous. Lean into the pain of your doubts and fears to do what you know is right, even when it feels unnatural or uncomfortable.” ~Lee Ellis
Key Points1. Living a Life of Honor is the Ultimate Success
There was once a story that one of my employees shared with me about a life lesson his grandfather had shared with him during his summer stint working as a landscaper.
His grandad had spent nearly a decade of his life operating a construction contracting business, designing and building custom homes for the upper class members of his hometown.
One of his clients who had been a long time acquantaince hired his grandfather to build a home costing several hundred thousand dollars (back in the 80’s).
Happy to oblige his friend, the grandfather took the contract and completed the home to perfection.
When the work was done and the house was built, he went to his friend to collect the payment for his services.
His friend however, had no intention of paying for the home and due to the ambiguous terms of their contract, he knew that pursuing a law suit would be a costly endeavor.
My employee’s grandfather simply shrugged and shook the man’s hand saying “If you can live with it, then I can live without it.”
He continued on grinding and working hard, developing a number of successful businesses throughout the years and achieving great successes in his personal and professional life, always conducting business with integrity and honor.
The other man however, despite his massive financial success, died of a massive heart attack at his office, alone and unloved.
While the contrast between the two men may seem obvious, the true moral of this story is that success is not about material wealth or finanical gain.
It’s about doing the right thing no matter what the cost.
That is no small order, but if you can carry out your life with honor each and every day, you will be able to die fulfilled and live a life of joy and companionship.
2. You Cannot Manage Yourself Unless You Know Yourself
How many of you have taken the Myers Brigg’s Personality Test?
If you have, then odds are good that some of the conclusions the test made about you and your personality may have surprised you.
And herein lies one of the greatest problems with our society.
We do not value introspection and self knowledge like Eastern societies and ancient people’s did.
We value work and results.
And while these two things are important, you will never be able to achieve at your fullest potential if you do not know yourself as deeply and intimately as possible.
Just think about it.
How can you ever expect to perform at a high level if you do not first know who you are and how you perform?
How can you succeed when everything you are doing is in stark opposition to your deeply held values and personality?
You must discover who you really are, how you work best, what personality traits you have, what motivates you, what discourages you, what strikes fear into your heart, and what you truly want.
Because unless you can answer those questions, you will never truly tap into your potential.
3. Guard Your Character and Make Decision Based Upon Values
The greatest travesty of every generation is the young men and women with boundless potential who waste everything because they did not guard their character.
Everyone knows that kid, maybe you met them in high school or grew up with them in your hometown, who showed tremendous potential growing up.
They were the captain of the football team, the straight A student and the leader of all of the clubs at their school.
They had it all.
But somewhere along the lines, they screwed up.
They made that one compromise of character that opened up Pandora’s box and destroyed their lives.
Maybe they cheated on one test and lost a scholarship, maybe they started abusing drugs and were arrested in their first semester, maybe they slept around and ended up getting someone pregnant.
Whatever they did, it shocked you because you knew that wasn’t like them.
And that’s the point.
It takes a lifetime to develop a reputation and build your character, but only one dumb decision to compromise it.
If you want to live a fulfilling and joyful life, then you have to make decision based upon your values and not your impulses.
While everyone operates under different moral codes, you all know what you consider wrong and right and when you should or should not do something.
Listen to that voice in your head and do not compromise your character for anyone or anything.
4. You Have to Balance Results and Relationships
There are two basic styles of leadership, results focused and relationship focused.
And odds are, if you have spent any appreciable amount of time in the world of high performance leadership, you have come into contact with both styles of leaders.
The results focused leader is the stereotypical drill sergeant style of leadership. These are the men who want things to get done, they don’t care who does it or what excuses come up, they simply want things and want them now.
Relationship-oriented leaders on the other hand are the types of leaders who care more about their people then the mission, they are the ones who, while admittedly kinder are more likely to get pushed around and taken advantage of.
Both styles have their own unique strengths and weaknesses, and all truly excellent leaders know how to balance these two styles of command to achieve their desired outcome.
The leader who knows how to balance relationships and results will be able to discern between employees who have been misplaced and assigned to positions that are incongruent with their personalities and employees who are just darn lazy.
The leader who knows how to balance relationships and results will be able to know when he is pushing his people too hard and when they have potential to go further.
The leader who can balance relationships and results will be able to achieve anything he sets his mind to because he will have his followers love as well as their respect.
5. Face Your Fears and Doubts
Every man has fears and doubts about his worth, ability, and potential.
They are bred into us from an early age by society, friends, and even family.
But you must realize something.
As a man, outside of your integrity, no characteristic will determine your success and fulfillment more than your ability to feel the fear and do it anyways.
When Lee and his friends were being tortured and imprisoned by the Viet Cong, do you think that they were not afraid? Do you think that none of them ever thought about betraying their country or ending their own lives to escape the torment?
Of course they did!
And some of them did.
Now, years after the fact, it is the men who were able to embrace their fears and doubts and stand strong who are seen as heroes, who are loved by their brothers in arms, and who can live with a clean conscience and a full heart.
Your ability to face and overcome your fears is part of what defines you as a man.
Never your fears hold you back from greateness, because at the end of the day, even if you die facing your fears, we are all dead men, and there is nothing more noble and honorable than to give your life pursuing what God put you on this earth to do.the worst thing.
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Ryan Stewman is a high-performance sales coach and trainer who went from spending two stints in federal prison to building a multiple seven figure income.
He is the author of several best-selling books including Kick-Ass, Bulletproof Business, Elevator to the Top, and Hardcore Closer.
Favorite Success Quote“You gotta take action before you can take over”
Key Points1. Action not Knowledge Leads to Success
If you have been involved in the personal development world for any appreciable amount of time, then you have inevitably come across the people, shall we call them “Pathological learners” who are voracious consumers of knowledge.
They know all of the latest market trends, are well-versed in the high-performance practices of characters like Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield, and can tell you how to start and grow a business from inception to 7-figures.
And yet, when you look at the results in their lives, what do you find?
Nothing, nada, zilch.
They live in a 400 square foot apartment, are overweight, and in a relationship that looks like something out of a bad soap opera.
Yet they know all this information!
The problem is that they do not apply it. You have to realize that knowledge without action is useless.
Only applied knowledge is power, and if you have spent years devoting your time and energy to learning without taking the proper proportion of action, then it is time to get off your ass, leave the theory on your nightstand, and get in the game.
2.Suffering is a Temporary But Essential Part of Life
When was the last time you experienced suffering? I mean true suffering.
Not the “My dog is sick” or “The 49ers lost their last game”, but real, visceral suffering, the kind that keeps you up at night, deprives you of joy, and makes you question your purpose on this planet.
Perhaps you lost a family member or a friend, underwent a nasty divorce, lost your home, job, and family in bankruptcy, or even suffered from a life-changing disease or injury.
Whatever that suffering was (or is) you need to internalize one of life’s great truths, spoken over a century ago by Abraham Lincoln.
“This too shall pass”
No suffer, no matter how devastating and debilitating it may feel, is permanent. And what is more? It is necessary to build you into the man that you need to become.
I am not telling you that your pain will be easy to bear, but I am telling you that it will be worth it.
3. Ignore the Haters and Embrace the True Players
One of the greatest tragedies of the modern world is that men with unlimited potential and unimaginable abilities allow themselves to be smothered by the advice and criticisms of unambitious, underachieving, and jealous peers.
Every time you go to the office look at the men to your left and to your right.
What do you see?
Do you see men embracing their true potential, taking control of their lives, and creating an incredible future full of freedom and joy?
Or do you see men who have allowed the doubts and misgivings of society, family, and friends to hold them back from their dreams and desires?
On your path to success, you will be faced with many, many, many haters, doubters, and naysayers.
They will tell you it cannot or should not be done only out of their own insecurities and fears.
But if you want to unleash the giant inside of you and reach your full potential, you must ignore these people, whether they are bosses, life-long friends, or even family members.
Only take advice from those who are achieving what you want to achieve, and ignore the rest.
End of discussion.
4. Education not Schooling is What Separates the Winners from the Losers
There is a fallacious belief circulating the modern world that tells all young men the only path to success is through higher education.
And while college can be a great choice for some people, it is not the ultimate road to massive achievement.
I want you to think back to your highschool and college years.
If your experience was anything like mine, then at some point, you inevitably came across two different types of guys: The learner and the hustler.
The learner was someone you would describe as the stereotypical nerd. He was smart, worked hard in classes, and did everything right.
He made good marks, graduated with honors, and probably had several high level job offers waiting for him upon graduation.
The hustler however, is a different breed.
This was the man who spent his days building something that he believed in, working towards his dream, and focusing more on his practical education than his education.
Sure, he still applied himself to his schooling, but, as Mark Twain said he “Never let his schooling get in the way of his education.”
Which of these two men do you think ultimately achieved more? Who became more successful? Who was able to create something that would last and create freedom for themselves and their families?
Hint, it’s not the guy with all A’s.
5. Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future
Imagine, if you will, a man who spent his whole life as a criminal, stealing, lying, and terrorizing his way to “success.”
After being arrested for one of his many crimes and spending nearly half a decade of his life behind bars, he is released back into the world and left with a choice.
He can either allow past decisions, events, and circumstances to determine his future, or he can lift a middle finger to mistakes and decide to create a different life for himself, to rebuild himself, and create a new identity as a man of honor, integrity, and love.
Most people don’t believe that you can ever overcome your past.
And quite frankly, most people are full of shit.
Every single day, you are faced with the same decision as the man above, you can either bend a knee and supplicate yourself to the flaws and mistakes of your past self, or you can start anew and recreate yourself into the kind of man you would be proud to be.
Which decision will you make?
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