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There’s a reason so many of our most reviled and infamous villains are clowns. The Joker, that one Final Fantasy antagonist, Krusty the Klown, and many other dastardly jesters that plot world mass murder, world domination, or subpar jokes have terrified audiences for years thanks to the simple fact that a man in chalk white makeup embellished by garish reds and greens and a hideous grin is far more likely to give you nightmares than make you laugh. This enduring truth of Villain Design 101 is probably why we have Pennywise, a shapeshifting alien thing that most often takes the form of a demented circus clown. Of course, Pennywise got his/her(read the book)/its start in a novel by Stephen King, but eventually wound up on the screen first in a miniseries and then in 2017’s It, a horror movie directed by Andres Muschietti and based on the book of the same name. It was a smash hit on release, raking in cash by the hundreds of millions of dollars and earning big fat gold stars left and right from critics. Mainstream critics, however, are easy marks, not so for those roguish outsiders over at Magellans at the Movies who, in today’s new episode, turn their discerning gazes to this modern horror classic. Let’s all float into the episode!
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Teenagers. Normally, they're the last demographic you'd want to arm with deadly weapons and a thorough knowledge of martial arts, what with their unstable hormones and abysmal decision making. Now hold on a minute, Boomer, I hear you say. What if the teenagers in question weren't just young folks from the ages of thirteen to nineteen, but a group of mutant turtles age thirteen to nineteen? Why my dear hypothetical reader, in that case I would purchase their weapons myself because then we would have the titular heroes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a 1990 action comedy directed by Steve Barron. This film may not be a beloved classic with general audiences, but it is a mainstay of the Magellans’ childhood, but were they always imbued with the invincible critical eye for talent we all know them to possess today? There's only one way to find out: listen to today's brand-new episode! Cowabunga!
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Fehlende Folgen?
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How come we don’t hear that much about serial killers these days? I like to think it’s because the global spirit of human brotherhood has just grown too powerful for even the most depraved of violent urges to be fulfilled. Either that or the advancement of forensic technology coupled with a host of societal and cultural factors has made serial murder both less appealing and the prospect of success less viable. Whatever the cause, serial killers have become increasingly rare, but there was a time when sequence murder was a genuine national terror, which explains the prevalence of movies like Manhunter, a 1986 detective film directed by Michael Mann and based on the book Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. Although it’s outshined by its more successful younger sibling, Manhunter is actually the first film appearance of sophisticated cannibal Hannibal Lector, long before Anthony Hopkins made the character a household name. Despite sharing source material, Manhunter and Silence of the Lambs could not be more different. Manhunter is a much moodier, broodier film noir that follows a different protagonist hunting a different serial killer with a bunch of different actors being addressed by familiar proper nouns. Does different mean worse, however? Better? Incomparable? This is the question that will be answered on today’s new episode of Magellans at the Movies! You want the scent of great banter and sharp film analysis? Too bad because that’s not perceivable by smell, but it is perceivable by sound so quit reading and get listening!
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Aliens! They may have already visited our home in the solar system, but if so, then they seem to have mainly come here for tourist reasons and to appear in grainy footage shot by air force pilots and people who don’t have anything better to do than point active cameras at the sky in the middle of the night. Whatever the truth of the various historical and modern UAP sightings may be, the fact is that people have been fascinated by hypothetical encounters between man and E.T. for centuries, from H.G. Wells to Roland Emmerich, to Winston Churchill (true story). Perhaps no story about a hostile cosmos is more famous or more spine chilling, however, than Ridley Scott’s Alien, the audience's introduction to the tube-headed, double-mouthed xenomorph. The xenomorph and its (. . . I guess mother?) the facehugger haven't been well served by their movies of late, a downward trend Fede Alverez hopes to invert with his 2024 horror movie Alien: Romulus. A.R. is cleaning up both at the box office and with reviewers, so it was only a matter of time before it became the subject of another episode of Magellans at the Movies! Get away from that skip button you, uh, nasty person and let it play!
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If war is hell, then I suppose it makes some ironic sense that filming a movie about war would be hellish, too. In case you hadn’t heard, wars are messy, noisy, dangerous things for all involved and recreating them can be tricky as well, especially if you’re a slightly eccentric perfectionist director deep in the jungles of Asia trying to make a movie about one of the most chaotic and unpopular wars in American history. Such was the mission of Francis Ford Coppola in his legendary Vietnam movie Apocalypse Now, released in 1979 and (very loosely) based on the novella Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. In addition to having one of the most bonkers productions in all of cinema, Apocalypse Now is the standard bearer for Vietnam movies and has enjoyed laudatory praise for most of its existence. Critics, however, are easy to please, the Magellans at the Movies are harder to impress. Can this legendary film hold up to their high standards, then? Let’s find out on today’s new episode! I love the smell of podcasts in the morning!
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Ah the halcyon days of the 2010s. The era when video games began emerging as the cultural powerhouse they have evolved into, the world was recovering from the Great Recovery, and Covid-19 was just a glint in virology’s eye. It was also a time of movies, and lots of them. Good movies, bad movies, and everything in between. Marvel movies got their start, and with their ascent came the great (and short lived) comic book movie war, followed by the meteoric rise of the cinematic universe as an often reached for but seldom reached golden goose of cinematic success. With the close of the decade naturally came a healthy crop of lists purporting to delineate the best films the preceding ten years had produced. And the people were cast down with great fear and suffering, for the lists were pretentious and the movies featured on them were seen by none. Now, however, a pair of champions arise. Two brothers from the American Midwest bring balance to the Force by forging a list of the people, by the people, and for the people, and their name is Magellan. That’s right folks, prepare for your demands to be met by having two nobodies tell you what your demands should be on today’s exciting new special episode of Magellans at the Movies! Countdown from ten and hit the play button!
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Japan has given us many amazing things: body pillows of questionably aged characters, plumbers who seem to do stunningly small amounts of plumbing, and the best method to find out which of your friends sing best when they are drunk. But all those things have nothing to do with cinema, of which Japan's greatest contribution is arguably Akira Kurosawa. This legendary director influenced much of American cinema with his films from the 60s, including one certain franchise about prolonged conflicts between molten-hot interstellar bodies. And today the Magellans are tackling one of his many celebrated films, the 1963 police drama High and Low. This movie has many of Kurosawa's trademarks: Toshiro Mifune, incredible camera work, and a powerful story about Japanese society. No need to look high or low for the Magellans opinions, just hit that play button and find out now!
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It’s hardly revolutionary to say that the superhero genre is on the decline these days. In terms of both review scores and box office returns, movies featuring men and women in brightly colored outfits throwing CGI monsters through CGI cityscapes with the aid of their CGI powers have become little more than fodder for less than favorable memes and a literally endless stream of articles with titles like “Is This the End of the Comic Book Movie?”, “Is This the end of the MCU?”, “Have Superheroes Gone the Way of the Westerns?”, and so on. Who, then, can save us from genre entropy? Who will reach into the sludge of tropes and cliches and bring forth the diamond in the rough needed to prove that the superhero movie yet has life in it? The answer, according to some, is Deadpool, an irreverent, violent, fourth-wall demolishing anti-hero who began his cinematic career with 2016’s Deadpool directed by Tim Miller. While the modern Deadpool might be in the unenviable position of being a hard R rated movie tasked with salvaging a cinematic universe whose main demographic is children and teens, the character’s first outing was a much lower stakes flick primarily marketed at those who are children and teens in spirit only. But does the Merc with a Mouth’s hugely popular film debut hold up? Let’s put forth maximum effort to find out in today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies!
(Production note, the tracks got offset near the end, so Elliot talks over Nathan a bit. He was not being rude or prescient, it is just an unsolvable audio error)
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Ah, snobbery. It’s so often a mask for the discouraged, the downtrodden, the defeated. To puff yourself up over some esoteric details only you and five other people know about is to appear large and confident when we are in fact small and meek. But enough about me, let’s talk about Sideways, a 2004 drama based on the book by Rex Pickett. Sideways centers on that rarest of snobs: wine snobs, but slowly unfolds into a deeply moving character study of a struggling middle-aged writer and wine-thusiast on a road trip with his engaged best friend who is . . . just the worst. Sideways is a lovely, multifaceted film, now comedic, now devastating, that is sure to leave an impact on viewers from all walks of life. So grab a glass and get pouring along with those charming ragamuffins Magellans at the Movies! When’s your podcast getting published, you ask? Right now!
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When you get knocked down, you simply must get back up again. Surely one of the most worn of all the many self-help cliches, basically just keep on keeping on for the less earthy among us. Still, sometimes a classic is just what the doctor ordered, and for a dejected and apathetic Bruce Wayne who’s lost his kind of girlfriend and his kind of work friend to a nihilistic mass murdering clown, doctor’s orders are really the kind of things you want to be following. Thus, the stage is set for the return of Batman in The Dark Knight Rises, a 2012 superhero action thriller directed by Christopher Nolan. The conclusion to the Dark Knight trilogy has a less sterling reputation than its cultural titan of an older brother thanks to some thoroughly litigated plot holes, iffy fight scenes, and all around lighter thematic impact than its predecessor. Nolan, however, is Nolan, so what does it look like when the master makes a slip? Today we’ll be finding out all that and more on an exciting new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Is convincing you to listen to the episode a part of your plan? OF COURSE.
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Most of us don’t know what it’s like to be a super genius. While some synaptically blessed individuals carve their names into the face of history with their achievements in advanced particle physics and beating all of the Dark Souls games without getting hit, the best us dumb losers can hope for is third place at Dusty Steve’s general trivia night. Thankfully, movies allow us to live vicariously through onscreen characters who possess far greater acuity than ourselves. And if you’re feeling particularly slow, consider glimpsing true intellectual greatness in Good Will Hunting, a 1997 drama directed by Gus Van Sant. The Will Hunting designated by that clunky title is a young man of unparalleled smarts and dismal manners. Good Will Hunting was a big ‘ol hit with critics and audiences when it came out, and its popularity has only grown since then. Is that popularity enough to earn a favorable review from Magellans at the Movies? My dear reader, that is a question that you don’t need a PHD to answer. It’s not your fault you haven’t figured it out yet, you just need to start the episode!
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Do you miss your dead wife? Are you worried about your young son finding his own way in the apocalypse? Do you find the drudgery of the daily struggle for survival is just getting you down? Then you, my friend, are in need of a genuine, rejuvenating, individualized Cormac McCarthy road trip! On our world famous route through the blasted remains of North America you’ll be treated to only the most traumatizing of close encounters with filthy cannibals and dine on the finest of radioactive dust! You and your boy will be hunted, threatened, shot at, and quite possibly starve as you take in all the shades of gray and brown currently detectable by the human eye! If by the end of your journey you’re not philosophizing about the appeal of the oblivion promised by sweet sweet death, then your trip is on us! Need more convincing? Just check out The Road, a 2009 post apocalypse movie directed by John Hillcoat and based on the Cormac McCarthy book of the same name. Once you’ve been convinced that an authentic Cormac McCarthy road-trip is the only way to travel through the end of days, come on down to our offices in Houston and reserve you and your son a life changing experience for the low low price of your hope, joy, faith in humanity, and all chances of adequate hygiene today!
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When you’ve just lost a war, the last thing you need is a giant radioactive dinosaur with fire breath taking a self-guided tour of your remaining cities. Unfortunately, such is the plight of the people of Japan who, as we all know from high school history class, have been under siege from kaijus of all shapes and sizes since the end of World War II. The most famous of these immense invaders, of course, being Godzilla, one of the most recognizable monsters of movie history and one whose popularity has transcended national borders. His most successful recent outing, however, sees the Big G going home in more ways than one, as Godzilla Minus One, a 2023 monster movie directed by Takashi Yamazaki, takes everyone’s favorite anti-nuclear metaphor back to his roots in Japan in the immediate aftermath of the second World War. GMO was a surprise hit with audiences and critics alike, and it topped off its successful theater run with an Oscar, but can it nab that distinction even Oscar winners dare not to hope for, a favorable review from Magellans at the Movies? Only one way to find out!
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For as long as there has been television, there has been The Simpsons. Well, that’s an exaggeration, but not by much, since The Simpsons aired a full two years before the Soviet Union was dissolved. This legend of prime-time TV took the world by storm when everyone was first introduced to its titular family of corn-colored stereotypes, and while the painful collapse in its quality since then is a saga of deterioration worthy of Edward Gibbon, for about ten years The Simpsons reigned supreme. By the time of The Simpsons Movie, a 2007 animated comedy directed by David Silverman, the show’s decline and fall was well underway, but was a feature film the cure for flagging ratings ailing The Simpsons proper? Er . . . no, but still, the movie was popular and well regarded enough that it’s often considered a brief reflection of the glory days by fans. This brings us to two relatively new fans: Nathan and Elliot Magalhães, who have both watched the show’s first eleven seasons and then bowed out because whoof. Neither one had any particularly strong memories of the film, so they’ve decided to revisit it and hand down their verdict on todays’ brand spanking new episode of Magellans at the Movies. D’oh-n’t you want to get listening?
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Love. It, ah . . . it’s all warm and fuzzy? Look, we’ve done like four movies about love now, I’m fresh out of ways to say that love is a multi-faceted, complicated aspect of the human experience. Hollywood, however, is emphatically not out of things to say about love, or at least they think there’s still new ground to be broken on the subject. That’s why one hundred and thirty-four years after the first motion picture was made Park Chan-wook decided to make himself a romance in the form of Decision to Leave. To be fair to PCW, his is not a straightforward tale of boy meets girl. Decision purports to introduce elements of mystery, thriller, and crime into its story, and by most accounts it succeeded. And by our account? Well, for that answer my friend you’ll have to listen to today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies wherein Park Chan-wook fan Nathan and Park Chan-wook skeptic Elliot will be taking a look at this critically acclaimed piece of Korean cinema. If you decide to leave without listening to the whole thing, I’ll be shattered, so get it started and don’t touch that dial until we’ve had our say!
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Well, folks, we’ve made it. Magellans at the Movies has hit the big one-oh-oh. Over the course of the last two years we’ve told you about our tastes in directors and TV shows, we’ve established hilarious jokes and classic catchphrases like “Would you listen to it casually?” and “Life is hard and full of disappointments”, but the bulk of our time spent in cyberspace has been dedicated to reviewing a full ninety movies for your listening pleasure. We hope you’ve enjoyed your time with us; maybe you’ve decided to check out a movie you may otherwise have missed, maybe you’ve had a few laughs, or maybe you’ve just successfully killed some time. Whatever your experience, we’re glad to have been some small part of your movie-going life. In honor of the Magellans at the Movies hundredth episode, we’re bringing you a series of questions designed by and posed to the brothers themselves in the hopes of elucidating their thoughts on art, art criticism, and movies specifically. If that sounds like fun to you, then grab some popcorn and please enjoy. Here’s to another hundred!
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Why can’t we all just get along? It’s a question that’s hounded human civilization since the moment a guy eating pizza crust-first, a guy eating pizza from the edge inwards, and a third guy starting at the point of the slice and working his way north all shared a meal with each other and realized that the term “civilization” is subject to audience interpretation. The obvious answer, of course, is that human beings are simply too tribal and their cultural differences too intractable for the global group-hug pacifists and diplomats have been trying to organize since the three great tribes of pizza consuming etiquette were at war. The obvious response to that, of course, being that, for all their bellicosity, there have almost always been those in even the most insular cultures that are ready to extend the hand of friendship across societal divides, suggesting that it may be individual cells of isolationism occupying places of authority that are the true drivers of so much conflict. It’s a tricky question, and one whose answer, in all likelihood, is more complex and multifaceted than any clunky metaphor about how people eat pizza can encompass. Thus, the issue of peace in our time will continue to be puzzled over, even in movies like the Planet of the Apes franchise (phew, we got to the connection eventually). This long-standing pillar of the American cinematic canon enjoyed a tremendously successful reboot in the 2010s, one that frequently contended with intercultural conflict with maturity, intelligence, and thoughtfulness, and now that a few years have passed, they’re ready to have another crack at it in the form of Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, a 2024 sci-fi action thriller directed by Wes Ball. Nathan and Elliot have been vocal about their skepticism of this rebooted reboot, but strong reviews have convinced them to check their suspicions at the door and give peace a chance. Was their receptiveness rewarded? Only one way to find out! Listeners together strong!
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I have no breezy, jokey description for this one. Stephen Spielberg’s 1993 film Schindler’s List is a devastating film about overwhelming darkness and a single bruised, weary speck of light in the midst of the seemingly endless shadows. Please watch it if you haven’t.
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Ladies and gentlemen, there are moments in life when it comes time to face the music. Old wrongs that must eventually be answered for, debts that must be repaid, orangutans that must be returned to their home rain forests after a brief but disastrous stint as your exotic pet. What I’m saying is that we all make bad choices and eventually the bill for those errors comes due, but we can be thankful that, for most of us, the cost of our various indulgences in vices won’t be the loss of our heads. Not so for those foolish enough to behead the mysterious bark-skinned interloper who crashes our office Christmas parties. Because while you and I are smart enough to give such obviously paranormal entities and their oblique games of returned blows a fairly wide berth, there are those who, through arrogance or excesses of youthful exuberance, just can’t keep a good head on their shoulders. Such is the lot of young Gawain, protagonist of The Green Knight, a 2021 dark fantasy film directed by David Lowery and based on the poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by a man whose name has been forever lost. The Green Knight is a ponderous, sometimes surreal, sometimes frightening trek through a warped vision of classic Arthurian legend. It’s not for everyone, but for those who are buying what this movie is selling, it rarely fails to impress. The Green Knight is visually spectacular and thematically dense, and that makes it prime fodder for the less visually appealing but equally dense hosts of Magellans at the Movies. Grab your mail and don your helmet and let’s do this thing!
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Love is a choice. Love is a feeling. Love is an idea. These are just some of the theories on that most vexing of jazz topics and its effect on the men and women who experience it. Questions on love abound, but answers have remained elusive throughout the course of human history, and if you are one such bemused soul then I’m afraid you won’t find what you're looking for in In the Mood for Love, a 2000 romance directed by Wong Kar-wai. In the Mood for Love is famously vague in its narrative and experimental in its visuals, and rare is the fan whose affection for the film stems from its profound yet accessible insights into the nature of connection and romantic passion. In the Mood for Love is, as the title suggests, more interested in constructing a mood than literally anything else, so your mileage with the film may vary greatly. Case in point: the distinctly divided opinions of Nathan and Elliot, who, for today’s episode will be duking it out over this elusive bit of abstract art. In the mood for a podcast? Then hit the play button and let’s get started!
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