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This episode dives into 3 factors impacting the attachment bond.
Grab your notebook and get comfortable, because we're getting deep!
Picking up where we left off, let's explore what affects attachment.
We discussed attachment qualities and how they build trust (or not) through repeated cycles of the child expressing needs, the caregiver interpreting them, and responding appropriately. We saw how a caregiver's actions can build or break trust, all within the framework of Attachment Theory (different from attachment parenting, as discussed in Season 5, Episode 27).
The core of Attachment Theory is the child feeling safe to explore and return.
Does the child feel safe landing with and launching from their caregiver during stressful times? Can they bring their distress to the caregiver, find comfort, and feel secure to venture out again?
Sometimes, we might think there's a "right" way to practice attachment.
It doesn't have to be perfect! Mistakes are part of the process. What matters is the quality of the "repair work" โ how both caregiver and child address the mistake and rebuild the connection. This repair process strengthens the attachment and allows everyone to feel safe making mistakes.
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Welcome to the final episode of our 8-part series on Attachment Theory, where we learn that a good relationship is a secure relationship.
This episode is a recap of everything we've learned so far. Grab your notebook and get cozy โ we're about to dive in!
A big thank you to the listeners who followed along!
If you've been listening to the entire series, I want to acknowledge the great work you've been doing. You've explored important concepts, made big shifts, and accepted some challenging invitations.
Today's episode is all about why Attachment Theory matters.
We'll discuss why understanding attachment and how we contribute to its quality is so important.
As a reminder, Attachment Theory focuses on the parent-child bond.
Throughout this series, we've specifically looked at things from the child's perspective. This helps us understand the impact of our actions rather than just focusing on our intentions.
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We are on the final episode of this eight-episode stretch, examining the difference between showing up in trusting ways and showing up in non-trusting ways through the aspects of feeling safe, feeling seen, feeling secure, and feeling soothed.
We've been exploring these foundational steps to building a healthy relationship. When discussing attachment and attachment qualities, we're talking about the dance between rupture and repair in a strong relationshipโmaking a mistake and working to repair it, messing up and fixing it, experiencing stress, and then finding soothing. It's this constant ebb and flow of life that influences the quality of attachment.
Attachment theory focuses on the quality of that attachment bond, which affects your child's development mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. The strength of that relationship is the main predictor of how well your child will do both in school and in life. How they learn to find security within themselves and their primary caregiver, often you, will extend to how they handle stresses in other areas of their livesโfriendships, school, and future romantic relationships. This primary connection to you, their caregiver, is crucial.
The child looks to you as a safe base, and their sense of safety is determined by the quality of attachment to their primary caregiver. This means how safe they feel to leave you and come back to you, repeatedly.
The bonding perspective of the child is different from your perspective as a parent. You see things through the adult, caretaker's perspective, while your child sees things from their own viewpoint. In this eight-episode series and in my work, I invite caregivers to see things from the child's perspective. We look at what safety, being seen, feeling soothed, and having a sense of security means from the child's point of view.
I always emphasize that a good foundation of this understanding is worth the investment.
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In today's episode, we will be chatting about the qualities and characteristics of a secure parent. Whether this is your first time listening or you've been on this entire journey with me, we are nearing the end of our eight-episode stretch exploring the four qualities of secure attachment. So, I invite you to get cozy, grab your notebook, and let's dig in.
Starting at the top, it's important to remember that strong relationships, especially between parent and child, involve a dance between rupture and repair, mistakes and reconnection, mess, and clean-up. The quality of this dance influences our attachment bond. Attachment, rooted in attachment theory, affects your child's mental, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social development. The strength of your relationship with your child predicts how well both of you will do in school and in life. It's foundational work, the unglamorous process of building a secure base.
When I mention a secure base, I mean a safe place for the child to land and launch from. It's crucial to note that your perception of bonding with your child differs from how your child perceives it. In this eight-episode breakdown, we're shifting from the parent's perspective to the child's. We're focusing on how the child feels safe, seen, soothed, and ultimately secure with you. Building these foundations is a worthwhile investment.
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We have made it to episode six of this episode stretch, talking through attachment theories and the quality of attachments, and how parents can show up to create a sense of trust or distrust.
We've been going through, just talking about the foundations of what creates that connection in a relationship, and we are coming off of the foundation of attachment theory, where it states that strong relationships are that dance of rupture and repair.
There are benign ruptures, meaning like little blips in the relationships, and then there are big ruptures that require major repair. The quality of that dance, how well we are sensitive to the ruptures and quick to repair, and the quality of the repair made is what signals the quality of the attachment bond.
So we're talking about attachment theory.
Attachment theory is the quality of that attachment bond that affects the way that your child develops mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. The strength of this relationship is the main predictor of how well your child will do both in school and in life, meaning how well you are becoming aware of the ruptures and doing the repair work with them is empowering their toolbox so that they take those skills into their future relationships.
In all of this, the child is looking for a safe base, somewhere to land and somewhere to launch from that creates a sense of safety in them. It's important to know that your sense of bonding, your sense of safety with your child, is different than their sense of safety with you.
For example, I work with parents, and sometimes they come to me and say, "No, no, no, I'm not punishing them," but they act this way. And when we flip it and I say, "Well, do you think that they are feeling punished?" then they start to say, "Oh yes, they are."
It's when we shift out of our own perspective and shift into a child's perspective, we can start to see like, "Oh, the ways that I'm showing up is creating this threat response in them." And as soon as we can become aware of that, then we can start to step into our own empowerment of growth and change.
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We will look at unsafe parenting. The topic of this series is delving into attachment theory and breaking down this complex theory.
Strong relationships are likened to a dance between rupture and repair. In my positive parenting class, I discuss this concept using the visual of a pothole. Living in a downtown area, I often encounter potholes that can disrupt entire streets.
Despite our efforts to avoid them, potholes persist, much like ruptures in relationships. Some ruptures are benign, such as momentarily checking a text message during a conversation.
However, if left unaddressed, these small ruptures can escalate into larger issues that linger for months or even years. It's crucial to address and repair these ruptures to build and maintain strong relationships.
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Inside this series exploring the four qualities of a secure attachment bond, we're discussing the dance between rupture and repair. Ruptures are mistakes, moments of dysregulation, outbursts, frustration, or anger.
These moments are natural and human. In a secure relationship, we come back together and do the repair work, recovering from those ruptures.
Therefore, when navigating attachment and building secure attachment, we become curious about the quality of our comfortability with rupture and repair. To remind everyone, attachment theory focuses on the quality of the attachment bond that affects your child's development โ mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. Importantly, a caregiver's attachment to the child actually starts long before the child forms an attachment to the caregiver.
These attachments develop differently for each person. In my work, platform, classes, and this podcast, we shift your perspective as the parent or caregiver.
We elevate the child's perspective because in a secure relationship, we're looking at whether the child has a safe haven (or "safe face to land") to return to after a rupture.
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What is insecure parenting? Let's explore the underlying factors contributing to insecurity in parenting and gain valuable insights into overcoming challenges and fostering a more confident and nurturing approach.
Learn from me, a certified parent coach who teaches Positive Parenting Methods and coaches you to create a home environment that you can be proud of!
Tune in to uncover practical tips, expert advice, and real-life stories aimed at empowering parents to break free from insecurity and cultivate a more secure and fulfilling relationship with their children.
Learn the difference between a punishment and a Consequence.
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In this series of videos, we delve into various parenting styles, aiming to provide a comprehensive understanding of what secure parenting entails.
One fundamental aspect highlighted is the establishment of boundaries and limits within the parent-child relationship. These boundaries serve as essential tools in the toolkit of a secure parent, contributing to the development of a healthy and balanced dynamic.
By setting clear boundaries and limits, parents create a sense of structure and safety for their children, fostering an environment conducive to emotional security and growth. Through exploration and discussion, we aim to empower parents with the knowledge and skills necessary to cultivate a secure and nurturing parenting approach.
IN TRUST
Episode 5.28 The secure parent
Episode 5.30 The safe parent Episode
5.32 The soothing parent
Episode 5.34 The seeing parentNOT IN TRUST
Episode 5.29 The insecure parent
Episode 5.31 The unsafe parent Episode
5.33 The unsoothing parent Episode
5.35 The unseeing parent๐ Take action with Be Kind Coaching
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๐ง Let's unveil the truth, uncover the nuances, and debunk common misconceptions between attachment theory and an attachment parenting style.
Whether you're a seasoned parent or just beginning your journey, this insightful content empowers you to navigate parenthood with confidence.
#AttachmentTheory #AttachmentParenting #BeKindCoaching ๐
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Ponder the realities of the struggles that naturally come with parenting. Through insightful discussions, we shed light on the importance of acknowledging and embracing the challenges, fostering resilience, and nurturing authentic connections within our families.
With a special segment where parents engage in transformative exercises from the Clear & Kind Parent Program. It's time to redefine the narrative, let go of unrealistic expectations, and find joy in the beautiful messiness of real, imperfect relationships. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth.
Supporting you on your Positive Parenting Journey, empowering you to build lasting, healthy relationships with your kids with classes and group coaching.
As a former misunderstood child turned parenting coach. I created the C.L.E.A.R. Method to foster connection for any parent.
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Today's episode will focus on separating who we are from what we do and discussing how being a parent shapes your identity and the methods you use.
I invite you to get comfortable, grab your journal, and let's begin. Welcome to "MegAnne is Not a Parent, But..." the podcast where I, your host MegAnne Ford, a former Early Childhood educator turned positive parenting coach, help parents like you navigate the challenges of dealing with your strong-willed child's difficult behavior.
Clients have described me as a blend between Brenรฉ Brown and Miss Frizzle from the Magic School Bus, known for bringing awareness and holding space for challenging conversations, making concepts like behavior, relationships, and temperaments easy to understand and implement.
If you struggle with your child's loud, dramatic, disruptive, over-the-top behavior and doubt whether a parenting coach can help, especially if you think such coaches are only for "bad parents," then this episode is especially for you.
Grab a journal, a cozy blanket, a warm beverage, and enjoy the exploration ahead. Let's start by reading a message from one of my favorite cards, a tool for self-reflection and inspiration, from my friend Jennifer's Oracle deck.
The card's message is "Change how you measure," urging us not to solely measure success by our current circumstances or how we got there but to consider who we are becoming.
Start taking action today:
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Addressing the challenges parents face, acknowledging that feelings of inadequacy often stem from a lack of skills rather than inherent shortcomings.
Emphasizing the learning and practice involved in parenting, offering understanding and support to parents navigating the complexities of raising children.
I am a former misunderstood child turned parenting coach. I created the C.L.E.A.R. Method to foster connection.
The Positive Parenting Journey empowers you to build lasting, healthy relationships with your kids. https://www.bekindcoaching.com/positive-parenting-journey
You can begin your journey with the Understanding Us Series Email Series. https://www.bekindcoaching.com/understandingus
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Maternal emotions are real and valuable.
What are the nuances of mom guilt?
Let's uncover the reality behind itโrevealing, relatable, and reshaping our perspectives.
Join us for a shame-free journey to empowered motherhood!
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How can we use our emotions to our benefit?
Do you think there are bad and good emotions?
What if we could shift our thoughts about emotions to just allowing them to be messages!
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Are there 'Bad' emotions?
What would life be like without emotions, and the impacts of emotions on our experiences?
Get ready to reframe your perspective, embrace every feeling, and dive into a world without 'bad' emotions!
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Let's challenge the notion of anger as the "bad guy" and advocate for listening to anger cues, just as we heed the signals of hunger, thirst, and sleep as a path to self-discovery and transformation.
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Explore the transformative role of self-awareness in personal growth.
We reflect on the satisfaction derived from our best efforts and the distinction between change and growth. With a focus on awareness, we uncover blind spots and consider the impact of our upbringing.
We'll address the fear often associated with awareness and introduce the concept of the "three interlocking rings."
Discover the signs that indicate a need for heightened awareness in your own life and embark on a journey to unlock your true potential.
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Dive into the profound world of trauma healing with our podcast as we explore essential books like
'The Deepest Well' by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris,
'Healing Developmental Trauma' by Heller and LaPierre,
'What Happened to You?' by Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry,
'It Didn't Start With You' by Mark Wolynn, and
'When the Body Says No' by Dr. Gabor Matรฉ
"Healing Developmental Trauma" Heller and LaPierreJoin us on a journey of understanding, compassion, and transformation.
Check out my list of recourses that include the books above
Trigger warning: We are working through, from a birds-eye view, what trauma is and its effect on the body. Listen to your body. You could get triggered, which is normal. You are safe here to take a break and come back. Learning about these things can only propel you forward in life.
The information below serves as a conversation opener and public awareness, NOT a substitution for professional mental health support.
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Explore what happens to our bodies when we come in contact with a threat and how this information will help us understand our own reactions to the children in our lives. Our bodies are actively trying to protect us, but what happens if there really is no threat?
Do you over apologize, have difficulty saying no, are you a people pleaser? Have you ever thought to yourself that your body is keeping you safe? You might be in a state of stress.
How can we grow our awareness of the impact that we have had on our kids?
I share a big win from one of my clients inside of C.L.E.A.R. and Kind Parents.
Trigger warning: We are working through, from a birds-eye view, what trauma is and its effect on the body. Listen to your body. You could get triggered, which is normal. You are safe here to take a break and come back. Learning about these things can only propel you forward in life.
The information below serves as a conversation opener and public awareness, NOT a substitution for professional mental health support.
๐ Take action with Be Kind Coaching
https://www.bekindcoaching.com/positive-parenting-links๐ Visit the Be Kind Coaching website
https://www.bekindcoaching.com/๐จ Subscribe Right Now
https://www.bekindcoaching.com/subscribe - Mehr anzeigen
