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Townsend Davis had been married for more than a decade when his wife, Bridget, was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimerâs disease. Their lives changed immediately. Townsend became Bridgetâs caregiver, sorting her medication day after day, making their home accessible, and finding someone to look after her while he worked and raised their sons. He was committed to Bridget, and wanted to be there for her as her condition progressed.
One day, not long after her diagnosis, Bridget told Townsend she wanted him eventually to find a new partner. But Townsend couldnât imagine it. Searching for another love seemed too complicated, and he was focused on caring for Bridget and raising their family.
Then, years later, Townsend met Deb.
On this episode of Modern Love, Townsend explains what it was like to forge a new partnership as he remained married to Bridget, and what happened when he brought his wife and his girlfriend together for a Thanksgiving dinner.
This episode is adapted from Townsendâs Modern Love essay from 2024, âA Family Dinner With My Wife and Girlfriend.â
Modern Love is looking for your stories! Weâre working on an episode about the dating memories you want to forget. We want to know: What was the worst date you went on this year? What happened? And what are you trying to do differently when it comes to love in the new year? Whether youâre singled or partnered, tell us about your bad dates. Send us your story by recording a voice memo and emailing it to [email protected]. Please include your name and where youâre based. You might hear your voice on a future episode of Modern Love.
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When Laura Cathcart Robbins checked into rehab for a severe Ambien addiction, all she could think about was getting out and going home to her two young sons. Laura was also in the middle of a divorce and facing a possible custody battle so she wasnât looking to make her life more complicated. Laura tells the host Anna Martin about the unexpected bond she formed during the worst 30 days of her life and what happened when she came out the other side.
This episode is adapted from Lauraâs 2024 essay, âMarriage Made an Actor Out of Me.â Her memoir, âStash: My Life in Hidingâ is available now, and she hosts a podcast called âThe Only One in the Room.â
What were your worst dates of 2024? Weâre working on an episode about the dating memories you want to forget. We want to know: What was the worst date you went on this year? What happened? And what do you want to do differently when it comes to love in the new year? You donât have to be single to share your story. If youâre partnered and went on an awful date, we want to hear from you, too. Send us your story by recording a voice memo (just a few minutes long) and emailing it to [email protected]. Please include your name and where youâre from. You might hear your voice on a future episode of Modern Love.
How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times
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Stories of romantic love are everywhere, but the actor, singer and comedian Bridget Everett says great friendships deserve our time and attention, too. Not just onscreen, but in reality.
On the HBO Original series âSomebody Somewhereâ (now in its third and final season), Everett stars as Sam, a character inspired by the actorâs own life. She tells Anna about how heartbreaking, hilarious and central platonic friendship is in the fictional world of the show, and in Everettâs own relationships.
Everett also reads a Modern Love essay called âWhen Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship,â by the novelist Victor Lodato. Lodato was in his 40s when he accidentally found his âperson,â and became the platonic life partner of an artist in her 80s who lived across the street.
âSomebody Somewhereâ is now streaming on Max.
In April 2024, Lodato published âHoney,â a novel inspired by Austin Brayfield, the friend he wrote about in his essay.
Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962âŹ, and please include your name, hometown and a callback number.
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The actress and producer Mayan Lopez has seen a majority of her life play out on television.
Her father, the comedian George Lopez, produced and starred in a hit â90s sitcom based on his real-life relationship with Ann Serrano, Mayanâs mother. But their fictionalized story became a reality when she watched her parents go through a very messy, public divorce.
The experience could have shattered the family beyond repair. But more than a decade later, Mayan and her father have turned their painful experience into another sitcom on NBC, based on their relationship. Itâs all very meta. The show is called âLopez vs. Lopez.â
Mayan reads a Modern Love essay about a daughter who also watched her parentsâ marriage fall apart, but then as an adult sees them repair their relationship. The essay, âThe Original Conscious Uncouplers,â by Cole Kazdin, explores what it means to redefine what a family means after divorce.
Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962âŹ, and please include your name, hometown and a callback number.
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Madeline de Figueiredo lost her husband, Eli, just a year after they married. After his death, she tried everything she could to reconnect with him: cooking from his recipe book, dancing to playlists he made, watching videos of him and listening to voice mail messages he left her. But her grief persisted.
Then, on what was supposed to be Eliâs 27th birthday, Madeline realized she could use A.I. to recreate his voice and try to talk to him again. On this episode of the âModern Loveâ podcast, Madeline tells us what it felt like to hear that recreation of Eliâs voice, and how it changed the way she reconnects with him.
This episode is adapted from Madelineâs Modern Love essay from 2024, âOur Last, Impossible Conversation.â
We want to hear from you! Weâre looking for stories, thoughts and feelings about egg freezing. Are you planning to freeze your eggs? What are you considering? Have you frozen your eggs? What happened, and how do you feel about it now? Leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline at (212) 589-8962âŹ. Please include your name, hometown and a callback number.
Want to submit your own Modern Love essay to The New York Times? Read how, or consider submitting a Tiny Love Story.
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Whether itâs Cher or Paul Mescal, Amelia Dimoldenberg can turn her âdatesâ at a fast-food restaurant into chemistry-fueled, revealing interviews. The dates may be fake, but viewers are always left with the impression that the celebrity guest would probably be game for a second one.
Amelia reads a Modern Love essay from Rachel Fields, who is not sure how her last date has gone. After sending a risky text message, Rachelâs insecurities cloud her morning routine as she waits for a response. Amelia offers tips on how to soothe the anxieties that creep up in the early phases of dating, and how to feel confident throughout the process.
Her show, âChicken Shop Dateâ is celebrating its 10th anniversary this month.
Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? Call (212) 589-8962⏠and please include your name, hometown, and a callback number in your message.
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In the new movie âWe Live in Time,â the actor Andrew Garfield plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dishes together after a dinner party, sharing biscuits, smelling fruit at a farmersâ market. These are the moments that sustain them through Almutâs excruciatingly difficult medical crisis.
In this episode, Garfield reads the Modern Love essay âLearning to Measure Time in Love and Loss,â by Chris Huntington. His reading was unlike any other in the history of this show. Mr. Garfield was so moved by Mr. Huntingtonâs essay that he spoke in a surprisingly raw way with the host Anna Martin about the need for art to crack us all open, including himself.
We want to hear from you! This year is the 20th anniversary of the Modern Love column, and we want to know what impact reading the column has had on you. Has reading Modern Love made a difference in how you think about your own relationships? How? Tell us by leaving a voice mail message at (212) 589-8962âŹ. Please include your name, hometown and a callback number, and you might hear yourself on a future episode.
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Courtenay Hameister worked hard to stop feeling shame about her body size, but she also had a cruel inner monologue that just wouldnât leave her alone. At times, her internalized fatphobia was so powerful, she couldnât think about romance at all. But when Courtenay started dating Jason, everything felt different. He was fat, too, as well as smart, funny, and handsome.
When Courtenay realized she was starting to gain weight again, though, she became obsessed with the idea that other people were judging her and Jason, and she made a decision she would immediately regret.
This episode is adapted from her 2023 essay âWere We the âFat Coupleâ?â
Leave a message on the Modern Love hotline! This year (2024) is the 20th anniversary of the Modern Love column, and we want to know what impact it has had on you. Has reading Modern Love made a difference in how you think about your own relationships? How? Tell us in a voice mail message at (212) 589-8962âŹ. Please include your name, location and callback number, and you might hear yourself on a future episode.
How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times
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Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
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On the HBO high finance drama âIndustry,â basically everyone serves cruel insults. Itâs part of the culture at their bank, Pierpoint. But Myhaâlaâs character, Harper Stern, goes after friends and enemies with deep, cutting verbal attacks.
Myhaâla reads a Modern Love essay by a woman with the opposite problem: Laura Pritchett and her husband have avoided conflict for so long, she writes, that the fights theyâre not having are tearing them apart. Myhaâla also tells the host, Anna Martin, about the kind of communication style she strives to maintain, and what itâs like when she and her fiancĂ©, Armando Rivera, find themselves in a fight.
The Season 3 finale of âIndustryâ drops Sunday night on HBO.
Laura Pritchett has written seven novels, including her latest, âThree Keys.â
Want to leave us a voice mail message on the Modern Love hotline? If so, please include your name, your hometown and a callback number in your message: (212) 589-8962âŹ
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The actor Gillian Anderson (âThe X-Files,â âThe Fall,â âSex Educationâ) has become an advocate for sexual openness, whether through her on-screen personas, launching a libido-boosting soda brand, attending the Golden Globes in a vulva-embroidered dress or through her new book, âWant: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous,â which showcases the secret fantasies of anonymous women, curated by Ms. Anderson herself.
Today, Ms. Anderson reads and discusses the Modern Love essay âOn Tinder, Off Sex,â which follows a woman who becomes unintentionally celibate after a painful breakup. The author fantasizes about past and potential loves but canât seem to break out of what her doctor has called âsecondary abstinence.â Ms. Anderson tells us about a time she felt similarly, and how a good yoga practice snapped her out of it.
We want to hear from you. Tell us how love is showing up in your own life. Call in at (212) 589-8962⏠with your name, location and story.
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Actor Peter Gallagher (Sex, Lies, & Videotape and The O.C.) met his wife, Paula Harwood, over forty years ago in college in a stairwell meet-cute. Since then, theyâve maintained a loving marriage and managed to raise a family while navigating the world of show business.
We talked to Peter on his 41st wedding anniversary, and he read us the Modern Love essay âFailing in Marriage Does Not Mean Failing at Marriageâ by Joe Blair. Despite the essayist being kicked out of the house by his wife five times, the couple managed to remain married and learn that a relationship can mean trying together and failing together. Reflecting on the essay, Peter gave us his advice for staying the course.
Peter Gallagher will be performing on Broadway this fall in Delia Ephronâs play âLeft on Tenth.â
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On the Emmy- and Peabody-winning series âThe Bear,â Liza ColĂłn-Zayas plays Tina Marrero, a cook at the Chicago restaurant at the center of the story. Tina and her fellow workers are in a constant struggle for the survival of their restaurant, and they fight just as fiercely with one another. Only at rare moments do we see them drop the tough exterior and show one another love or respect.
Today, ColĂłn-Zayas reads âA Web Between Her Body and Mine,â by Karen Paul. Itâs a Modern Love essay about two friends who also met at work, but have a different kind of bond: Karen has no problem showing affection to her best friend, Miriam. But after Miriam has a terrible accident, Karen finds herself in uncharted territory, not certain when, or how, to support her. Itâs a story ColĂłn-Zayas says she relates to personally, and her reaction to it takes her by surprise.
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John Paul Brammer writes the âÂĄHola Papi!â advice column for The Cut at New York magazine, answering questions like, âWhy am I dreaming about sex with a man when Iâm a lesbian?â Or, âWhat if my partner judges me for writing smut?â This candor has given John Paul an intimate connection with his readers. However, as todayâs episode reveals, he doesnât think we necessarily need that level of openness with all of our loved ones.
Ahead of Motherâs Day, Brammer reads an essay about a recent college graduate who sets out to spend the summer exploring his sexuality, but whose plans are derailed by his duty to his grandmother. Itâs called âYoung, Gay and Single Among the Nuns and Widowsâ by Kevin Hershey. Brammer says itâs âbizarreâ how much this essay resonates with his own life.
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Emily Ratajkowski is doing a balancing act many famously beautiful women have to perform. In her 2021 book âMy Body,â she reflects on what itâs been like to build a career based on her public image, and her struggle to control that image in an industry largely run by men. Since getting divorced a few years ago, sheâs been thinking a lot about gender dynamics and the type of agency she wants to have in dating, too.
Today, Ratajkowski reads âWhy I Fell for an âIâm the Manâ Man,â by Susan Forray. Forray is also a successful, self-sufficient woman, dating after divorce. Sheâs surprised to find herself falling for a man with old-fashioned ideas about who does what in a relationship. (He pays for dinner, handles the finances and initiates sex). As a single mom who handles everything, Ratajkowski says, she can relate to the desire to be cared for once in a while. And that doesnât have to mean playing into a sexist stereotype.
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Laufey, the 25-year-old singer-songwriter, has risen to prominence by taking the trials of todayâs dating world â casual relationships, no labels and seemingly endless swiping on apps â and turning them into timeless love songs.
Today, Laufey reads Coco Mellorsâs essay, âAn Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill,â which is about a woman trying to work through her deep-seated relationship anxieties and attachment issues in an on-again, off-again situationship. Laufey says she, too, has been an anxious partner. While she thinks a toxic relationship, like the one in the essay, can make for a great love song, she now knows secure relationships can make beautiful music, too.
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The actor John Magaro is picky about whom he goes to dinner with. Magaro is an adventurous eater. So whether heâs buying offal from the butcher, making stews from the 1800s or falling in love over a plate of rabbit, he says itâs important to him that the people he shares a meal with are willing to be curious. For Magaro, itâs about more than personal preferences. Sharing a meal and connecting with other people, he says, is the bedrock of society.
Magaro played Arthur in âPast Lives,â one of our favorite movies last year. His character is constantly working to understand his wife on a deeper level. And Magaro sees that quality in âMy Dinners With Andrew,â by Sara Pepitone, a Modern Love essay about food as a love language, and a series of dinners that make, and break, two relationships.
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Over the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: âWhat Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity,â by Karin Jones.
In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how much the men missed having sex with their own wives, and how afraid they were to tell them.
Jones faced a heavy backlash after the essay was published. Perel reflects on why conversations around infidelity are still so difficult and why she thinks Jones deserves more credit.
Esther Perel is on tour in the U.S. Her show is called âAn Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire.â Check her website for more details.
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When Maya Hawkeâs famous parents got divorced, she was just a little kid trying to navigate their newly separate worlds. Paparazzi aside, Mayaâs experience of shuttling between two homes was still more common than the arrangement described in the essay Maya reads: âOur Kinder, Gentler, Nobody-Moves-Out Divorce,â by Jordana Jacobs.
By staying under one roof, Jacobs and her ex-husband spared their young son the distress of having to go back and forth. But this âdad upstairs, mom downstairsâ arrangement also meant that Jacobs had to overhear her ex falling in love with his new partner.
Today, Hawke reflects on the bittersweet family portrait in Jacobsâs essay, and on divorceâs role in Hawkeâs own upbringing.
Mayaâs latest album, âChaos Angel,â drops May 31.
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Penn Badgley has made a career out of playing deeply troubled characters. From his role as Joe Goldberg on the Netflix series âYouâ to Dan Humphrey on âGossip Girl,â Badgley has shown many times over how obsession and delusion can destroy love.
In his personal life, though, Badgley says heâs not doing too much brooding. Heâs a father and a stepfather, and he opens up about the importance of being vulnerable with his kids. Badgley reads âWatching Them Watching Meâ by Dean E. Murphy, an essay about a father who can no longer hide his emotions from his sons after they all experience a devastating loss.
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The chef Samin Nosrat lives by the idea that food is love. Her Netflix series, âSalt, Fat, Acid, Heat,â and the James Beard Award-winning cookbook that inspired it, were about using food to build community and forge connections. Since then, all of her creative projects and collaborations have focused on inspiring people to cook, and eat, with their friends and loved ones.
After the recent loss of her father, Samin has gained an even deeper understanding of what it means to savor a meal â or even an hour â with loved ones. This week, she reads an essay about exactly that: âYou May Want to Marry My Husbandâ by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Itâs one of the most-read Modern Love essays ever.
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