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In every winter there are the ingredients for spring. No matter how dark, cold, and hard the winter may be, spring always comes. The same is possible for our mental and emotional winters. In every traumatic event, there are the ingredients for love, hope, and healing. All of nature moves toward the light, toward growth, toward its natural expansion. From acorn to the mighty oak tree, and from mustard seed to the magnificent mustard tree, EVERY living thing has the ability to surrender, break open, and stretch into its next best self. Without any effort on our part, we grow from embryo to adult, but we can become emotionally and cognitively frozen in the winters of our traumas, unless we allow ourselves to move toward the light of spring and healing.
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When we appreciate, validate, and manage our emotions we can enjoy a higher quality of life, that provides flexibility, safety, and freedom. Much like our money, our emotions must be managed intentionally, or we can end up emotionally bankrupt. Turn posttraumatic stress disorder into posttraumatic stress order by appreciating, validating, and managing sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, rage, and despair. Every emotion is valid and needs our time, attention, and permission to feel and heal. Every emotion deserves to be acknowledged and validated.
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Fehlende Folgen?
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Our lives are made up of highs and lows, success and failure-- peaks and valleys. And while it's easy to celebrate the peaks, and condemn the valleys, there is so much value in the valleys. There is wisdom, strength, grace, and the seeds for new beginnings in the valley. All of life starts in the darkness. Just as seeds in all of nature do, we must allow ourselves the time and permission to soften and grow into the next best versions of ourselves. We have everything we need to heal from our traumas; but we must give ourselves permission to do it.
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When we experience trauma, our bodies naturally, and automatically, release high levels of chemicals to help us stabilize and survive. These hormonal chemicals, like adrenaline, cortisol, and anandamide are some of the most addictive substances on the planet. Posttraumatic pain, and suffering, can be so overwhelming that our bodies can become chemically dependent on the high levels of stress hormones to feel safe. The experience of trauma rewires our brains, and bodies, causing confusion, and it can distort our perceptions of pain/pleasure, danger/safety, right/wrong, or healthy/risky. Damage caused by some traumatic experiences can cause lasting mental, emotional, and eventually physical, disorders. Prolonged exposure to stress hormones is associated with countless diseases.
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When we are in a state of posttraumatic anxiety, depression distress, the sound of laughter, happiness, or pleasure can feel offensive. Trauma can steal our happiness and threaten our joy. When we are grieving loss, the pleasantries of friends and loved ones who want to make us laugh, smile or celebrate can feel irritating, infuriating, and sometimes painful. In an attempt to feel safe, we avoid, repel, and reject people, acts, and events that might bring us happiness for fear of losing them again.
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The concept of peace is a tricky one. Like trauma, peace is subjective, (the absence of war, the presence of justice, the feeling of calm tranquil freedom, the safety of prison), the meaning of peace can vary depending on your trauma history and your place, and space, in the world. The avoidance of, resistance to, or aversion to peace, quiet, calm, unrestrictive environments maybe indications of peace allergies. If you find yourself feeling irritated, agitated, or otherwise uncomfortable with sitting still in quiet places that most people would describe as peaceful, you may have peace allergies.
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When you have a history of trauma, abuse, or neglect (intentional or unintentional), love can feel threatening, and like someone who is allergic to fruit or nuts, your body can overreact, in negative ways, to positive attention associated with love, concern, desire, or warm affection. Unhealed trauma can cause us to avoid, delay, and or destroy potentially healthy, nurturing relationships, but small consistent self-care behaviors can lead to an internal sense of safety and healing.
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The willingness to surrender to the wisdom of winter can be the difference between healing and despair. There are gifts in the darkness of winter; gifts that insure us the possibility of a healing, abundant, and prosperous spring. In the darkness of winter are the gifts of rest, rejuvenation, transformation, and the never-ending light that lives in everyone of us. If we give ourselves permission to surrender and winter wisely, we can discover new ways to honor the losses that darken our hearts and minds. We can tap into our internal light and find our way out of the darkness, inviting others to do the same.
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We all have trauma, and we all have reasons for delaying, denying, and ignoring the need for posttraumatic healing. Maybe healing is too scary or too dangerous right now. Maybe you're still living with the source of trauma, or maybe you're dependent on people who are not interested in your recovery, and are more vested in you staying 'the problem.' If it's not safe to start healing, what needs to happen to make it safe? What steps can you take toward your healing safely?
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Recognizing that staying in a dangerous, abusive, and oppressive situation can be a matter of survival. Often moving toward healing and freedom is dangerous. When we give ourselves permission to think about, imagine, or contemplate healing something inside of us changes on a cellular level. With permission to heal, we allow new thoughts, new ideas, and new opportunities start to immerge. So without judgement, guilt, and shame, I invite you to notice and allow movement toward freedom and healing on your terms and at your pace.
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Our bodies are walking data babes of information. Every experiences, for better or worse, is imprinted on us, AND THERE IS NO DELETE BUTTON. Each trauma leaves a mark. Like tattoos, or branding irons, traumas leave impressions on our bodies that can disrupt our lives every year, like clock work. Trauma anniversaries are the time of year of your traumatic event(s). Every year around the same time unresolved traumas sound an alarm in our bodies that can cause us to become emotionally and psychologically dysregulated, and behave in disruptive and destructive ways. This annual alarm is the body's way of trying to warn us of impending danger. Knowing and managing your trauma anniversaries, can save your relationships and possibly your life.
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Your point of view can be the difference between trauma victim, survivor, or teacher. Is your posttraumatic prison built with only walls, or does it have windows, or doors. How you see yourself, and the world, has a direct affect on how you think, feel and act. Science has proven that when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. You are invited to give yourself permission to change your point of view, if it doesn't make you feel good.
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Know love; know grief. Grief is a message that remind us how much we love something or someone who is no longer available to us in a physical form. Grief is a call to honor what was lost, value what was gain, and celebrate the love that was shared. Too often the love and light that was brought to us. The pit of sadness and despair following trauma is filled with judgment, guilt, shame, and regret; AND love, hope, healing, forgiveness, grace, and mercy. Notice and validate EVERY feeling, and when you're ready, respectfully release the ones that no longer serve you, and hold on to the love.
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Forgiveness is a loaded concept. But like swimming we are born doing it naturally. We are taught to hold grudges, judge, punish, isolate, and delay healing. Forgiveness is requires validation that something has been damaged, and permission to heal it. True forgiveness requires your validation and permission to heal. I invite you to remember who you are and what you're made of so that your posttraumatic healing can start.
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What does it take to heal, and what does safety and healing mean to you? We all have wounds, and we all have trauma. But we don't always have a safe place to rest and heal. Left unhealed we bleed all over ourselves and each other. Permission to heal is an inside job. Having a safe place starts with being a safe place for yourself, and then for others. True safety and healing starts with how you see and think about yourself.
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We all have traumas. We all have loss. And we all have the ability to heal. Our courage has helped us survive hell. With permission we can use that courage to free ourselves from our posttraumatic prisons made of judgement, guilt, and shame. I invite you to discovery your why and give yourself permission to start toward healing and live it.
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Every emotion is a message. Every feeling is valid and deserves your attention. Every feeling lets us know we care, lets us know we're alive. You don't get angry, scared, sad, anxious or happy, nervous, and excited, if you don't care about a situation. Chronic mental disorders, have been proven to leads to chronic medical diseases. Permission to feel your feelings starts the process of posttraumatic stress order; it starts the process toward healing and freedom from your posttraumatic prison.
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When we have unhealed, unaddressed trauma, grief and loss, we tend to attract people who prey on our wounds. We attract partners, friends, and bosses who abuse, neglect and betray us. Until we develop and maintain healthy boundaries that can provide a sense of safety and nurturing--the very things damaged or destroyed by trauma.
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In all of nature there comes a time to move or die-- From chrysalis to butterfly, longer than 13 days could mean death; from fetus to baby, longer than 40 weeks can be dangerous. Point is, it is safer to move into the next best version of yourself than to stay stuck in your posttraumatic prison. Flight, Flight, and freeze are trauma responses; moving out of the freeze, moving out of the fear, is a life necessity.
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We all have a posttraumatic warrior that grows bigger and stronger with every trauma. It was created by you, for you. It is your job to train your posttraumatic warrior, and channel its desire to survive and win in healthy and productive ways; otherwise lose everything you love to hypervigilance and defensive anger and fear. By controlling our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can control and redirect our posttraumatic warrior. There are no bad warriors only distracted commanders. If you don't manage the war within, the world becomes your battle ground.
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