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We review "Postal", Uwe Boll's ultimate challenge to good taste. If you think you've seen the bottom of the Boll, you have NO IDEA.
CONTENT WARNING: 9/11, racist stereotypes, mass shootings, kidnapping, exploiting the disabled, baby manslaughter, religious cults, explicit language... look, this whole episode is a trigger for SOMEBODY. Don't blame us if you listen to this one!
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We review "Five Nights at Freddy's", where a man is tricked into working night security at a haunted children's playhouse, and must survive against a collection of evil animatronics. It may be based on the original game, but this film arrived so late it feels like Coke Zero compared to Willy's Wonderland.
CONTENT WARNING: child murder, neglectful parents, greedy relatives, Matthew Lillard overacting, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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Fehlende Folgen?
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We review "Heavenly Sword", a Chosen One™ story with worse presentation than the 2007 PS3 game it's based on, and even less engagement with its audience. The title may promise heaven, but we found something else entirely.
CONTENT WARNING: raping/pillaging, deaf sentries, murdered villagers, re-murdered villagers, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We review "Ni No Kuni", a story about a fantasy world linked to our own by the worst thing possible: a "chosen one" anime hero with an IQ equal to his age.
CONTENT WARNING: jealous boyfriends / mass murderers / multi-dimensional terrorists (and that's all just one guy!), mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We review "Gran Turismo", the true story of a Nissan exec who watched The Last Starfighter too many times and thought "Why not this, but with race cars?"
Can video game skills translate to a real race track? Don't cheat and look up the story on Wiki, experience it with us!
CONTENT WARNING: reckless management, car crashes, father and son conflict, anti-"Nick" propaganda, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We review "The King of Fighters", where a young Japanese boy out for revenge trains to become a white man and travel to another dimension for a chance to become the KING OF FIGHTERS™ because... something to do with a floating, pulsating ball of slithering energy snakes?
Yeah, we're not sure how to process that one, either.
CONTENT WARNING: mind control, secret lesbians, snake orgies, mid-movie whitewashing, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!
This spooky season we watch "Detention", a haunting mystery about two students trapped inside a hellscape that may well be of their own making. Is there anything scarier than going back to school? How about a 1960s Taiwanese school at the height of the White Terror... and also ghosts?
CONTENT WARNING: military oppression, icky student-teacher relationships, teenage jealousy, damnation loops, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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It's our last stop on our Franchise Tour, and we're wrapping things up with something special: our first sequel!
We review "Final Fantasy: Advent Children COMPLETE", a feature length CG cutscene that tries to follow up one of the biggest video games ever.
Are you curious what happened after the events of Final Fantasy VII? Do you want to know more about your favourite character, perhaps Barret or Yuffie or even Cid? Well, so do we, and that's AFTER watching this film...
Prepare yourself for a cinematic Ultimate Weapon, with the longest version of an already too long story.
CONTENT WARNING: dilly dallying, shilly shallying, Marc trying to make sense of FF7, stealing your boy's ghost-girl, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We look at an anthology of anime-tinged tales from the HALO universe, with stories ranging from educational to badass to downright silly. Don't worry, fanboys: they're probably not (all) canon.
Want more Master Chief madness? Here's him "returning" a bomb to The Covenant, from the game HALO 2:
Giving the Covenant back their Bomb - Halo 2 Anniversary
CONTENT WARNING: interplanetary war, planned mortality for children, suicide by mech, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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This is it, listener. We might have found the single best video game movie we've ever seen or will see.
Join us for "Dragon Quest: Your Story", a movie that manages to both adapt a popular entry from the RPG franchise while also doing something entirely new and interesting. This movie was so surprising that I won't even fill this synopsis with snarky jokes (well... maybe in the content warning).
CONTENT WARNING: interrupted inspirational speeches, unavoidable side eye, digital girlfriends, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We continue our look at franchise adaptations with "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within", a story about heroes fighting to save the planet with the power of love. It clearly has the broad strokes of the franchise in that setup, but does it remain faithful in its execution? Prepare yourself for the first (and ONLY) film by Square Pictures.
Here's a link to the DVD extra spoofing the music video for THRILLER:
Michael Jackson - Thriller - Final Fantasy
CONTENT WARNING: invisible monsters, soul stealing, workplace safety violations, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We've heard the argument that video game films are bad because "games focus on the gameplay, not on the plot". That may be true, but video games do offer the player fascinating worlds to explore. So what if you just adapt the world to a film, and not a specific game? Sounds like another tangent series to me!
We begin our latest journey with "The Witcher - Nightmare of the Wolf", an anime adapting the game (or the Netflix series, OR the books... yeah, we know) about magic-infused monster hunters and their time at the worst summer school ever.
CONTENT WARNING: extreme gore, bio-augmentation, institutionalized child murder, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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It took 30 years, but Nintendo has finally forgiven Hollywood for "Super Mario Bros: The Movie (1993)". The titular plumber is back on the silver screen, but does this Mario have what it takes? Can the character that started the video game movie curse be the one to break it once and for all? Strap on your red or green overalls, everybody, and LET'S A GO!!!
CONTENT WARNING: kidnapping (again), forced marriages (again... man, this seems familiar), impromptu rock ballads, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We close out our international tour with "Fatal Frame", a Japanese horror film where a group of students at a Catholic all-girls school truly are lovers in a dangerous time.
CONTENT WARNING: suicide, curses, homophobia, films that distort the very fabric of time itself, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We review "Corpse Party", a Japanese horror film about love, loss, and why you should never trust your classmates when you're trying to escape a hell dimension.
CONTENT WARNING: unintentionally satanic rituals, evil ghost children, possession, tongues, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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You've heard of the Lost Levels, but what about the lost movie?
We review "Super Mario Bros. - The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach!", a Japan only release! This early foray into film cements Mario as the trailblazer of video game film adaptations. But why wasn't it released in North America? Was it not good enough, or were we just not ready for its power? Brace yourself for a tri-force of entertainment (and no, that's not a reference to the wrong franchise)!
Watch the same version we watched here!
Super Mario Bros. Anime Movie Restored (VHS) · English subbed
CONTENT WARNING: kidnapping, forced marriages, taking shrooms, painful mispronunciations, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We get more than we bargained for when we review "Oneechanbara" (AKA "Bikini Samurai Squad"), and it's sequel "Oneechanbara: Vortex”.
Can scantily-clad heroines save the world from yet another undead apocalypse? Can samurai-cowgirl Aya stop her sister Saki's stupid schoolgirl schemes, from bloodthirsty rampages to skeletal resurrections? Can sequels be bothered to acknowledge ANYTHING from the previous film? It's time for a Double Dose of zombie-slaying action!
CONTENT WARNING: sibling rivalry, kung-fu zombies, sexy corpses, hungry swords, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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We're going international!
For this tangent, we're looking at video-game-to-film adaptations made outside of North America. Does Hollywood just fail to understand the source material? Let's see if adding subtitles brings these films above subpar!
First up is "Yakuza: Like a Dragon", a Tokyo crime film where the one-eyed man truly is king and the scriptwriter offers too many side quests for the audience to keep track of.
CONTENT WARNING: gang wars, masochists, disinterested law enforcement, bad mothering, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS, ONCE AGAIN!
This year, we rekindle the joys of our childhood with the 2-part Cuphead Christmas Special. Settle in by the fire and witness a harrowing act of Christmas decorating with "Holiday Tree-dition", followed by a heartwarming tale of teaching ole' Beelzebub about the spirit of Christmas with "A Very Devil Christmas".
CONTENT WARNING: price gouging, yuletide judgment, cult rituals, dark metamorphosis, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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Lock your closets and check under your beds, the big bad BOLLeman is coming to "entertain" you!
It's time for the final part of our 2022 Halloween celebration, Uwe Boll's very first video game adaptation EVER, "House of the Dead".
Witness the genesis of a merciless creature, fated to consume and destroy everything it touches, to the horror of teens everywhere. Did I just describe the zombie leader attacking the partygoers on the island, or Uwe Boll himself? There's only one way to find out...
CONTENT WARNING: bad negotiating, pre-fornication urination, self-sacrificing sabotage, fever-dream level editing, mild language.
Featuring the voices of Marc Athanas, Wayne Bressette, and Nick Mohr.
Our theme music was composed by Jack Feerick, and performed and realized by Sam Feerick.
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