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I almost titled this episode âI Want My Bubble Backâ and no, I donât mean the pandemic lockdown days. I mean the good old days.
Or maybe I should say âmy good old daysâ because we all have a version of those, when life seemed simpler, no matter our age. For me it was playing outside all day, coming home after dark, biking everywhere and worrying about little more than which what jeans were currently cool.
Ah, nostalgia.
But thereâs the thing: those memories we cherish? Theyâre not necessarily accurate. Our brains love to soften the hard stuff, filter out the struggles, and create a highlight reel that doesnât tell the whole story.
Our brains also want to tell us that our current challenges and struggles are harder than ever, but the truth is that challenges and struggles have always been part of our lives. Little onesâlike sharing a curly cord, landline with your entire family, to big ones, like learning to navigate life after 9/11.
The thing I want us all to remember is that if we got through those, we have what it takes to do it again. We didnât get through those times because we believed they were somehow easier. We got through them because weâre stronger than we think.
Tune in as I riff on the tricks our brains play on us, how those rose-colored glasses we view the past through are hurting us and how we can use our âgood old daysâ memories instead to supercharge our confidence today.
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It wasnât that long ago that my sons were in their teens and the world has changed so much even since then. Teens face more and different challenges than we could have imagined when we were their age, and those challenges are doing a number on their confidence.
Whatâs one of the biggest confidence crises theyâre facing today?
I had a fascinating conversation with Emily McCavanaghâfitness expert, teen confidence coach, and overall powerhouseâabout that very thing. If youâre a parent, coach, or anyone who cares about the next generation, youâll want to tune in, because we tackled that and so much more because while you might be tempted to point the finger at social media, thatâs only part of it.
Sure, scrolling can lead to that toxic comparison game, but Emily peeled back the layers and got to the heart of it: teens are terrified of failing. And when you're too scared to fail, you never take the risks that build real confidence.
What I love about Emilyâs work is how she flips the script on leadership. Her teen athlete Captainâs Collaborative program isnât about being the toughest or most talentedâitâs about being compassionate, courageous, and consistent. Itâs leadership with heart, and itâs a total game-changer for young athletes who are expected to lead just because theyâre good at their sport.
Spoiler alert: being really good at something doesnât mean youâre inevitably confident at it!
Emily is on a mission to create a new generation of leadersâones who aren't just strong on the field but empathetic, courageous, and ready to lift others up. And come on - who doesnât want more of that in the world?
Highlights from our conversation include:
How the fear of failure cripples teen confidenceWhy theyâand weâshould focus on their unique strengths rather than their âwin-lossâ recordFlipping the script on what leadership means (itâs more than talent, by the way); andA powerful question parents or any adult can ask that sends the subtle message about winning and inspires confidence at the same timehttps://www.facebook.com/emily.mccavanagh/
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Iâm going to call BS on something we probably all heard as kids: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
I know we were all taught this rhyme to shut bullies up, but words do matter, and we donât always appreciate how much.
Especially when theyâre coming out of our mouths and we mean well â we truly do â but how they land has the opposite effect.
Iâm as guilty of this as anyone. And it took me a really long time to realize how my good intentions could take someoneâs confidence down instead of building it up, not just because of what I said, but how I said it and in what context.
Iâve been thinking about this a lot and Iâve zeroed in on five phrases that have the ability to kill our confidence when we hear them, and kill someone elseâs when we say them.
These phrases seem benign but even when theyâre offered in the spirit of support or helpfulness, can create fear. Fear of failure, regret or rejection â the three fears that really make us all question our confidence.
Listen in to find out what the phrases are, what you can say instead and/or respond confidently when someone says them to you. That way we can all try and be a little more compassionate to ourselves and to other people who do intend well, but don't always have the right words to tell us.
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You know those conversations that stick with you long after theyâre over? Thatâs exactly how I felt after chatting with Rich Kirkpatrick on my podcast. We dove deep into the relationship between confidence and creativityânot just the surface-level stuff, but how they can fuel each other.
Because creativity is one of those things that makes a lot of us want to shrink into the background so people wonât find out we donât have it or what we create is amateurish or awful.
A musician, Rich talked about how during his early days in the music industry, confidence often felt like a façade and how he learned to separate his self-worth from external validation by reframing his self-talk. Instead of asking himself, âAm I good enough?â he began to ask, âWhat can I learn from this?â
Thatâs a subtle, common-sense shift, but really does change everything. Suddenly, confidence becomes a journey of growth rather than a destination to reach.
Ultimately, confidence and creativity are intertwined, each nurturing the other. When we believe in our abilities and embrace our authentic selves, we unlock the door to endless creative possibilities.
Key takeaways from this powerful conversation include how:
Confidence isnât about being loud or the center of attention; itâs about being grounded in who you are.Creativity isn't just for musicians, artists, or chefsâitâs for everyone. If youâre solving problems, youâre creating. There are two approaches to creativity heâs noticed, and some of us are ârobotsâ while others are âwizardsâ (honestly, I bet most of us are a little bit of both).Authenticity breeds confidence, which you know I firmly believe, because when youâre true to yourself, you naturally project that energy and people can feel it!Rich Kirkpatrick is a native of San Jose, California, studied music at The Phil Mattson School, and earned his bachelorâs and masterâs from Jessup University. He writes, consults, and speaks about the intersection of creativity, faith and leadership. His book, MINDBLOWN: Unlock Your Creative Genius by Bridging Science and Magic (2022), deconstructs creativity and the creative process. To learn more about Rich, visit RKblog.com.
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We often think confidence comes from trusting our instincts, but what if those gut reactions are actually holding us back?
Sometimes, we make snap judgments about people, situations, or even ourselves, without giving things a real chance. And those assumptions can stop us from experiencing real connection, growth, or opportunities.
Take my recent Portugal trip, for example. I met a couple I thought I had nothing in common withâdifferent backgrounds, beliefs, everything. My initial reaction was to dismiss them. But guess what? They ended up becoming close friends.
That experience taught me that confidence isnât about making fast decisions or sticking to whatâs comfortable. Itâs about being open, curious, and giving yourselfâand othersâa chance.
We all have biases, often based on past experiences or fear of looking foolish. But when we question those assumptions, we find out theyâre often false. Confidence is about stepping beyond those fear walls, giving new things time to settle, and trusting that the discomfort wonât last forever.
True confidence grows when we stop relying on those quick, fear-based decisions and start being more intentional about the opportunities we let in. So next time, instead of saying ânoâ right away, ask yourself why. You might be surprised at what you find on the other side.
So if youâre ready to look beneath the surface and make better decisions for yourself, this episode is for you. Tune in, challenge your biases, and letâs grow that confidence together!
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Ever catch yourself putting on a brave face or carefully picking which parts of your life to show out of fear of ridicule or rejection? This âhidingâ behavior is something we all do to varying degrees depending on vulnerabilities and the fear that drives it, isnât protecting us as much as we want to believe. In fact, âhidingâ can really mess with our personal growth and stand in the way of forging real connections with others.
So, when I had the chance to talk with Ruth RathblottâTEDx speaker, former CEO, and a powerhouse advocate for inclusionâabout this concept of âunhidingâ, I jumped at the chance because as terrifying as it sounds, you know that self-liberation is waiting for you on the other side.
For Ruth, her âhidingâ came in the form of drawing attention away from having a limb difference that makes navigating a world where disability is often overlooked in conversations a real challenge. For you, it may be choosing to keep any trauma, personal, financial or other emotionally-charged struggles under wraps.
Our caveman brains tell us that âhidingâ protects us, keeps us safe within the tribe, but in the modern world this behavior is a form of self-isolation, which is the opposite of the authentic connect we think weâre trying to protect.
Ruth and I get into all of this more during our conversation. Highlights from our time together include:
The universal nature of hiding and its impact on mental and physical healthHow to take the reins away from your insecurities and own your personal narrativeThe ways vulnerability connect us and lead to deeper, more meaningful interactions; andRuthâs four-step framework for overcoming your own tendency to hideRuth Rathblottâs experiences and advice offer valuable lessons on embracing oneâs full identity and fostering genuine belonging. Iâm excited for you to hear our conversation and learn from Ruthâs journey and insights. For more on Ruth and her work, visit RuthRathblott.com and connect with her on LinkedIn.
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Letâs talk about something that we all grapple with but donât always acknowledgeâcontrol.
Yeah, that word might hit you in different ways depending on how you see it. For some, control sounds like a bad thing, a power trip, or even manipulation. But for others, it's a way to bring order, efficiency, and clarity into their lives.
Iâve spent a lot of time thinking about this, especially after someone once called me a âcontrol freak.â I was offended, and I bet you would be too. But the more I dug into it, the more I realized control isnât all bad. In fact, itâs something we all do, whether we like to admit it or not. And guess what? It can be a force for good, not just for us, but for the people around us.
Imagine walking into a restaurant and being genuinely nice to your server. What happens? Theyâre likely to respond with the same kindness, right? In that moment, you're controlling the interaction in a positive way. Itâs not manipulative; itâs human nature.
The way we act can directly influence how others behave. Thatâs control, but itâs also compassion, connection, and confidence in action.
Control isnât the enemyâitâs a toolâ and in this episode of Real Confidence Iâm going to show you how itâs a force for good. And when you know how to do that, youâll want to let your control freak flag fly!
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Let me tell youâI just had one of the most eye-opening, liberating conversations with the incredible Mervyn Reid-Nelson, founder of You at Yours, Boudoir & BODY CONFIDENCE Photography studio in London. Our conversation was a wild ride through the world of photography, body image, and how stepping in front of the camera can be a powerful journey toward self-love and confidence.
Merv's approach is unlike anything you've ever heard before. It's not just about snapping pretty pictures; it's about creating an experience that helps you tap into the most authentic version of yourself. We took a deep dive into the psychology behind why photos of ourselves can make us feel so vulnerable and how Merv's unique method flips the script, turning a simple photo session into a life-changing rollercoaster of emotions.
Highlights from our chat include:
Why the journey of being photographed can be more empowering than the final image itself.How Merv helps clients, particularly women, regain confidence in their bodiesâsometimes by going completely nude! The reasons your most authentic, unposed moments make the best photos (how to channel your true feelings to light up any image)Why seeing your photos for the first time can be nerve-wracking; andMervâs expert tips on how to prepare for any photo op by tapping into real emotionsâwhether you're in front of a professional lens or just snapping a selfie.This episode left me buzzing with excitementâand maybe even a little nervous energyâbecause it reminded me that confidence isn't about perfection; itâs about embracing who we are in our most raw, real moments.
Trust me, after listening to this, you might just find yourself booking a flight to do a shoot with Mervâor at least looking at your next headshot session with a brand-new perspective.
Tune in now, and letâs get you feeling photo-fabulous!
Want to learn more about Mervâs work? Find him on Instagram at or visit his website youatyours.com.
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Weâve all been thereâcaught off guard by the presence of someone we perceive as powerful or important, and suddenly feeling small or unsure. Whether itâs a senior leader at work, a celebrity, or even a family member, that sense of intimidation is real. But hereâs the kicker: no matter how polished or accomplished they appear, theyâre human too. They wake up, get dressed, and face insecurities just like the rest of us. In fact, many of them feel just as nervous in unfamiliar situations as we do. Understanding this can shift your perspective and help you approach these encounters with a bit more confidence.
Often the most accomplished people only within their "zone of competence." Take them out of that comfort zoneâmaybe into a social setting or a new activityâand they can feel just as nervous as anyone else. The difference? Theyâve learned to mask it well. But knowing this can help you realize that confidence isnât a constant stateâit fluctuates based on the situation.
And guess what? Thatâs totally normal.
But adapting to a situation where you feel not-as-good-as isnât just about recognizing that everyone else is human; itâs about how you engage with them, too.
In this episode of Real Confidence I share some simple strategies that work wonders to level the perceived playing field and position yourself as someone whoâs confident and resourceful. Itâs a subtle yet powerful way to build a connection and remind yourselfâand themâthat just like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Youâre unique, just like everyone else."
Iâve seen this approach work time and time again, and Iâm excited to hear how it goes for you. Donât forget to share your experiences, and letâs continue to bring more confidence into the world, one bold move at a time!
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My guest on this episode is Sherianna Boyle, whose work on emotional detox is truly fascinating. Itâs a topic I wasnât super-familiar with before we talked, but her approach â from the spiritual, psychological, and even neurological perspectives â made it easy to understand.
But first off, what exactly is emotional detox?
According to Sherianna, it's all about clearing out the reactions we have to our emotions, kind of like a cleanse for our emotional responses. Instead of removing the emotions themselves, we're focusing on how we react to them.
Patterns of reaction can keep us stuck in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm, trapping us in that fight-flight-freeze-freak-out mode.
Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. Not just because weâve all been there, but because working with our brains to respond instead of react to confidence kickers is at the heart of my own work.
But how do we know when we need this detox? Whenever we feel constant overwhelm, stress, or like weâre losing control, itâs a sign that it might be time to hit the reset button on our emotional processing.
The best part: emotional detox isn't just about coping with the momentary stress. It's about processing those emotions in a meaningful way. Sherianna has even developed a seven-step process called CLEANSE to help guide you.
In a world saturated with self-help trends and quick fixes, the true power of emotional detox can sometimes get lost in the noise. Iâm sharing it with you, so it doesnât. Because when you can rid yourself of that static, your path to Real Confidence rings loud and clear.
Sherianna Boyle is the author of ten traditionally published books. She is the founder of Emotional Detox CoachingÂź, creator of the Cleanse MethodÂź, and author of the Emotional Detox book series. Her most recent book, Energy in Action: The Power of Emotions & Intuition to Cultivate Peace and Freedom, is transforming the way we think about and approach manifesting. Her book, The Four Gifts of Anxiety, was endorsed by the National Association of Mental Health. Learn more about Sherianna at sheriannaboyle.com.
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Imagine starting at rock bottomâhomeless, with nothing but the clothes on your backâand rising to become one of the few female senior managers in the male-dominated car sales industry. Thatâs Jess Sudeallâs journey, one fueled by sheer determination, a relentless work ethic, and the refusal to let anyone or anything stand in her way. In this episode of Real Confidence, she shares my story, from sleeping outside in the dead of winter to breaking barriers in an industry â car sales - that still struggles to embrace diversity.
She starts by talking about how she grew up in a family of high achievers, including a sister who went to Yale and Harvard, while she chose a very different path. Not only was her journey difficult, Jess found herself homeless, stubbornly refused help, but was determined to make something of myself. Her first job in sales came when she was still living in a homeless shelter, wearing the same outfit every day. Despite this rocky start, she quickly rose to become the top salesperson at every dealership she worked at.
In our conversation, we dive into what itâs like to navigate the car sales industry as a woman of color, and the constant challenges she faced, from blatant sexism and racism to being underestimated and overlooked. More importantly, we get into how Jess didnât let any of that deter her - she knew her worth, her abilities, and that she could make a difference.
Jess has walked a long, hard road but her story is testament to whatâs possible when you have the confidence NOT to give up, even when the odds are stacked against you.
If you're struggling to see a way forward in your own life, her message to you is simple: keep going. You have the power to change your circumstances, no matter how dire they may seem. Listen in to hear more about how Jess triumphedâand how you can, too.
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In todayâs look-at-me social media world, itâs incredibly easy to get distracted by what others have and what we think weâre missing out on.
For example, I sometimes catch myself wishing for a nicer car or the newest gadget. But then I pause and think, âWait a minute, I have a pretty great life with what Iâve got.â I remind myself of how lucky I am, especially compared to so many others in the world who have far less.
And there are some things we can be grateful for that we often donât think about but connect to confidence in an important way.
Like pride.
Growing up, I was taught that being proud was a negative thing, that it was selfish and could intimidate others. But wow, what a warped perspective that was!
Pride is not a bad thing. In fact, itâs something we should embrace. Think about it: being proud of who you are and what youâve accomplished is a key component of confidence.
For example, Iâm proud of my kids and their confidence. Iâm proud of the two successful companies Iâve built. Iâm proud of the beautiful home and pool weâve created, and our efforts to be environmentally conscious by installing solar panels. Itâs not just about physical things or achievements, though. Iâm proud of the network Iâve built, the friends I have, and the person Iâve become.
Still, there are days â or weeks â when it feels like everything is wrong. At times like those, I rely on two exercises that we teach at ACI that are designed to remind us of whatâs true and anchor us in our core values, needs, and wants, so if there is a gap, weâre also confident we know where to take action that will bring us back to center.
Theyâre simple, but powerful, almost always lead to profound insights and personal growth and Iâm going to walk you through them in this episode. So get a pen and paper ready, and be proud of yourself.
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A Journey to Real Confidence
In this episode, I'm sitting down with John Lawyer, and let me tell you, his story is one you won't want to miss. We're diving deep into his journey from serving in combat zones to facing the challenges of coming home and finding his way again. It's a rollercoaster ride of courage, uncertainty, and ultimately, self-discovery.
As John opened up about his experiences, I was captivated by the twists and turns of his life. From the adrenaline-fueled days in the army to the quiet moments of introspection back home, his story is as real as it gets. And let me tell you, it's not always easy to hear.
But amidst the struggles, there's a glimmer of hopeâa moment of clarity that sets John on a path of healing and renewal. It's a journey that's as inspiring as it is relatable, touching on themes of identity, resilience, and the power of self-belief.
As we chatted, I found myself pondering some big questions. How do we find our way when the path ahead seems unclear? How do we silence the doubts and fears that hold us back? John's insights offer a fresh perspective on these age-old dilemmas, reminding us that we're all capable of overcoming even the toughest challenges.
But what I love most about John's story is its universal appeal. Sure, his experiences may be unique, but the lessons he's learned along the way are relevant to us all. Whether you're a veteran adjusting to civilian life or simply someone searching for meaning in a chaotic world, John's journey has something to teach each and every one of us.
Listen in to hear Johnâs story for yourself and take notes on the guideposts John offers for embarking or continuing on your own confidence journey.
From desert combat zones to a battle within, John Lawyer transformed from soldier to spiritual seeker. He acts as one of several guides for Kishar, a non-profit online spiritual community. This community is a place for people to share their journeys and explore their own unique spiritual path. John is an omnist and believes in the validity of most spiritual and religious beliefs around the world. He offers individual spiritual guidance and coaching services as part of the Kishar Spiritual Community.
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It's a tale as old as timeâpeople waking up one day, 10, 20, or 30 years into their career, wondering "what if?" What if they had made different decisions? What if they had pursued that passion they buried deep down? The "what ifs" can haunt you, especially if you find yourself in a job you're not crazy about.
Maybe you ended up in your current career path because of a college class, family expectations, or just because you were good at it. But now, you're realizing it's not your jam. You're good at what you do, sure, but are you happy? Do you light up when you talk about your job? Or do you find yourself making excuses for why you're still in it?
Itâs scary to leave behind the familiar and venture into the unknown. But staying in a job that doesn't fulfill you can be even scarier in the long run. it's a big leap into the unknown, after all. But staying in a job that doesn't fulfill you can take a toll on your confidence. You start doubting your abilities, questioning your decisions, and wondering if you'll ever find something that truly lights you up.
I get itâI've been there. I started out as an engineer because I was good at math, but quickly realized it wasn't for me. So, I pivoted, stumbled into product and corporate marketing, and eventually found my true calling in the neuroscience of confidence and teaching people that confidence is a choice - a skill we can cultivate and learn.
And I wasnât exactly young when I made that change either. It took time, effort, and a lot of soul-searching, but now I wake up excited about what I do every day.
So, if you're feeling stuck in your career and itching to make a change, listen in. From confronting your fears to identifying your passions, Iâll walk you through how to confidently navigate a career change. After all, your career is a big part of your identity â shouldnât it be something youâre proud of?
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There are so many trite phrases that get tossed around when life is hard. âWhat doesnât kill you makes you stronger.â âThis too shall pass.â âWhen the going gets tough, the tough get going.â âLife doesnât give you more than you can handleâ...and so on.
While thereâs a kernel of truth in all those well-intentioned phrases, they can ring hollow when weâve just been kicked in the gut, are suffering disappointment, experiencing outright failure or the sting of rejection.
Recently I came across someone whose take on adversity was so fresh, I just had to have her on the podcast. Phebe Trotman is a world-class soccer player turned entrepreneur and author and the title of her book is some of the wisest words Iâve seen strung together: Never Quit On a Bad Day.
Phebe and I talked about those Bad Days - the ones that make you want to throw in the towel or fantasize about moving to a remote mountain town where no one knows you and you can start over â and the practices she uses to quiet the voices that make us want to quit while still honoring our hurt or loss.
Phebeâs positive energy and practical tips are inspirational and motivational in the best (not cheesy) ways. If you need some encouragement and wisdom on building confidence and resilience, this episode is more than worth a listen. Cause let's face it, we're all in this together, and a little encouragement goes a long way.
Highlights from our conversation include:
The value of surrounding oneself with a supportive community that speaks life into you, believes in you, and encourages youHow to view failure and defeat as ways to build your resilience musclesWhy Phebe likes to visualize her dream day and how it helps her stay focused on her goals and maintain a positive mindsetWhat her gratitude practice looks like and how itâs become a tool to shift perspective during difficult timesWhy building an inventory of coping strategies to draw on can help us maintain resilience, and persevere through challengesPhebe Trotman is a successful and heart-centered entrepreneur based in Vancouver, Canada, who is passionate about helping others discover their joy. In both her athletic and professional careers, Phebeâs personal success has been a testament that anything is possible with hard work, dedication, and a team-centered approach. To learn more about Phebe and get a free sample from her book, visit neverquitonabadday.com.
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You may already know that I hate the phrase âfake it âtil you make itâ. You canât just fake confidence and expect it to stick. You can be dressed to the nines and runway-ready, but if youâre not feeling it, if youâre not actively choosing to be confident, people are going to see, smell and otherwise just know it.
And then youâre just a well-dressed fake.
Iâm not saying physical appearance doesnât matter â because it does â but itâs no substitute for self-respect and being confident and comfortable in your clothes AND skin. Dressing the part can help, but itâs whatâs going on inside that really counts.
So how can you look AND be confident?
Iâm glad you asked because thatâs what I get into in this episode of Real Confidence: Posture, eye contact, nervous ticks, the words that come out of your mouth, how to teach your brain that itâs go-time by creating positive triggers, and my number one insider tip to help you radiate confidence from the inside out.
Hint: itâs something I teach and preach all the time. Listen in and then drop me a line and let me know if you guessed right!
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How to Confidently Interview for that Job
If public speaking is the #1 thing that rattles peopleâs confidence, then interviewing for a job has got to be a close second.
It doesnât matter if youâre new to the workforce, returning to the workforce, or a seasoned professional just looking for a change, the prospect of âselling yourselfâ is totally nerve-wracking â especially when the stakes are high and the new job is a need, not a want.
Conventional interview prep advice tends to focus on studying the organization youâre interviewing with, crafting answers to tricky questions you may (or may not) be asked and getting comfortable with talking about compensation.
But when it comes to your confidence, the advice tends to begin and end with vague and unhelpful phrases like, âBe confident in your abilities,â and âPut your confident best forward.â
Thatâs all well and good, but what if the interview goes wrong or gets weird? You might have gone in confident and then BOOM. Something knocks you off balance.
My guest on this episode of Real Confidence knows a thing or two about how to master job interviews. Dr. Kyle Elliott used to be a resume reviewer on Fiverr and now is a highly sought-after career and Certified ACI Confidence Coach, largely serving tech executives.
Kyleâs got the goods â and shares them â on how to build, use, and hold onto your confidence before, during, and after the interview so that anytime you have one, you can handle it with poise, ease and resilience.
Top takeaways from our conversation include:
Why itâs helpful to remember that even the most experienced, high-level professionals struggle to articulate their skills and achievements effectivelyHow to create a "fabulousness phrasebook," of your individual selling points and accomplishments to reference during interviews and use as a confidence touchstoneWhat it means to approach an interview as a conversation instead of an interrogation and ways you can control the narrative to demonstrate your communication and critical thinking skillsWays to handle challenging interviews so that even if things donât go well you know you did your best and donât leave feeling defeatedWhy post-interview reflection, which is often overlooked, is one of the most important things you can doDr. Kyle Elliott is a high tech career coach, mental health advocate whoâs been featured in Business Insider, CNBC, CNN, Entrepreneur, Fast Company, Forbes, Fortune, Glassdoor, Harvard Business Review, The Muse, and The New York Times, among dozens of other leading publications. You can learn more about Kyle and his services at caffeinatedkyle.com.
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I don't think anyone would say they want more stress in their life. But most of us create a lot of unnecessary stress for ourselves and other people.
I have a friend (who shall remain nameless â maybe you have one too) and sheâs a real drama queen. She looks for it, she creates it. Even the littlest things, turn into a crisis or story like youâd see in a Seinfeld episode and it is EXHAUSTING to be her and to be around her.
Okay. You might have heard it said that if you can spot it, youâve got it. And guess what? Iâve got some of it too! Iâm highly skilled at adding complexity to things that create more stress for me and others (but Iâm getting better!).
So why do we make mountains of molehills? What are we getting out of it except feeling bad?
The short answer is we often react to fear in a self-defeating way. Fear of failure, fear of regret, and fear of rejection â it doesnât matter â that fear drives us to behave in ways that only ramp up our stress levels.Our brains think theyâre doing us a favor by getting us to take actions they believe will keep us safe, but a lot of the time that comes at the cost of our peace of mind.
In this episode of Real Confidence, I get into all the ways we unconsciously create unnecessary stress, how our bodies know weâre stressed before our minds do, and what we can do to prevent ourselves from spiraling out of control and reset our confidence.
Because reducing stress isnât just about feeling better in the moment â itâs about safeguarding our long-term health and well-being and the best time to start doing that is NOW.
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Friends, I am still reeling from my conversation with Rebecca Yang ,my guest for this episode of Real Confidence. Wow. I mean, talk about an absolute powerhouse of a human being (not to mention being a skilled diplomat). The stories she shared about her experiences in Istanbul and during the Afghanistan evacuation had me hanging on every word.
I couldn't help but be in awe of Rebecca's journey. Here she was, a young diplomat thrown into some of the most intense situations imaginable, from surviving a coup attempt to orchestrating a massive evacuation from Afghanistan. And through it all, she never once faltered in her commitment to living her values.
Itâs such a simple yet profound concept and one that clearly guided her through the toughest of times. It's a reminder that confidence and resilience aren't just traits we're born with; they're qualities we cultivate through experience and action.
I feel incredibly lucky to have had the chance to chat with Rebecca and share her story with all of you. It's a reminder that no matter what challenges we face, it's possible to come out on the other side stronger and more resilient than ever.
Highlights from our conversation include:
Why living by your values is especially important in times of crisis when everything is uncertain and situations are fluidHow being able to adapt to change and bounce back from setbacks is crucial for success in ever-changing environments.The importance of leading with empathy when $h!t is hitting the fan and how that impacts decision-making; andThe relationship between mood and action and which one serves us best by coming firstThe ONE thing that most rocked her confidence is truly surprising! And youâll have to listen in to hear what it was!Rebecca Yang is an experienced Chief of Staff and Strategy and Operations leader with 17+ years of global experience, including as a U.S. diplomat for which she earned two U.S. State Department awards for her service. The best way to learn more about Rebecca is to connect with her on LinkedIn.
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To hug or not to hug? That is the question for a lot of people. Recently I was thinking about the later days of the pandemic, going to a couple of conferences when we were still wearing masks and sitting six feet apart. The conference organizers offered two versions of the badge lanyards to signal whether you were comfortable shaking hands or not.
At the time I was like, oh, what a bummer that this is what we have to declare but in hindsight I think it was probably a big relief for people who, as a rule, donât like that physical contact and wish they could walk around always with a little sign that says, âPlease donât touch me.â
Personally, Iâm a hugger. To me, hugs are more than just squeezes; they're like little happiness boosters with a dash of oxytocin. But let's not kid ourselves, hugging ain't always a walk in the park for everyone.
With cultural quirks and personal preferences in the mix, figuring out when to go in for the hug can be a bit of a head-scratcher. Whichever side of the hug youâre on, you donât want to offend, right?
In this episode of Real Confidence Iâm sharing some tips on how to read the room, pick up on subtle cues from the person in front of you to determine if youâre going to go for it or opt for a cozy, two-handed handshake instead.
The bottom line? Letâs be more mindful of one anotherâs physical comfort zone and share that confidence through some good old-fashioned kindness.
Listen in to hear more about how to confidently navigate the hug highway and foster human connection!
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